hotchin alternative press release
TRANSCRIPT
8/8/2019 Hotchin Alternative Press Release
http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/hotchin-alternative-press-release 1/2
Temporary Freezing Orders
Lawyers for Hanover Finance advise that on Black Monday 13th December, " Plane Jane " Diplock
played the role of a snowman and temporarily froze the New Zealand based assets of their client Mr
Mark Hotchin.
After bragging for weeks to the media that the Securities Commission were investigating the affairs of
Hotchin with his associated companies and that the investigation would be completed by the first day
of Christmas, Plane Jane failed to notify Mr Hotchin until 7th December 2010 of the investigation. At
this point Mr Hotchin received a brief of the scope of the investigations that was as thin and
substantive as the vegetarian options at the Jervois Steak House. On learning of this development
lawyers all went up to the top floor, consumed cigars with scotch on the deck and had Denny and Alan
moments while discussing who was to wear the flamingo outfits at the Staff Christmas Party this year.
Rather outraged at the prospect of Christmas billable hours, lawyers all held their tempers for fear of
Law Society sanction and sent the most charming member of staff, Rhonda the new summer clerk
from Blenheim, to politely apply for an extension of time due to the piles of work on Partner desks
across New Zealand at this time of year. The overload of December activity can be attributed solely to
every client demanding completion of work before they all religiously drive in heavy traffic queues off
to places like Matarangi to stay at one of the beautifully appointed holiday homes that the New
Zealand real estate market required to be built for use for those important few weeks over Christmas
when it is warm enough to actually swim in New Zealand without a wetsuit.
When contacted, Allied shareholder Mr Richard Long stated "The weather forecast here is for fine
spells on Christmas day so I will definitely be down the road at the Matarangi Estates golf course
admiring the wonderful efforts of Hanover investors in funding this magnificent course, and doing my
bit to increase sales".
Lawyers for Hanover claim that the company and Mr Hotchin were guilty only of attempting to meet
the needs of all New Zealanders who are obsessed with purchasing property they cannot actually
afford so their families and bludging friends can all enjoy Christmas surrounded by their fellow New
Zealanders. During this time the whole of the middle-classes will be talking about how much money
they have all made tax-free benefiting from secondary sales of such property from notable New
Zealand developers and supernormal returns on their fund investments as they dabble in property
development on the side.
Less than a week after the lawyers had negotiated this extension of time to reply to Plane Jane'sscoping document, lawyers have claimed that she went behind their backs and slapped a freeze order
on Mr Hotchin's New Zealand based assets that she believed to be associated with Mr Hotchin
including his beloved pet dog Bruce and various items Mr Hotchin was not actually aware that he did
legally own, such as locks of his hair from the 1970's that were hidden in a storage vault at Te Papa
for non - menstrual women to view, a Warriors rugby league jersey signed by John Monie and the soul
of Bernard Hickey.
According to the lawyers everything except Amanda Hotchin's breasts were frozen but it is understood
8/8/2019 Hotchin Alternative Press Release
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that Plane Jane fancies a new pair for her next junket to TelAviv so Mrs Hotchin has been advised to
stay out of the country until further notice.
The lawyers advise they will fight the freeze on behalf of their client in February 2011 and have
secured the services of various top QC's. They will also ensure that as is customary now in such
situations, Deborah Coddington will conduct an interview when Mr Carruthers work has been
completed. By early February 2011 lawyers expect Plane Jane to have laid charges or have resigned tostand for NZ First in Botany.
Despite claims that Plane Jane hasn't finished her investigation and is publicly sitting on the fence
which would have to be as wide as the Great Wall for her ladyship to balance on, lawyers believe they
already know the outcome of the investigation in that she will be forced to find at least one charge,
possibly contained within the little known Securities Act (Hanover and Mark Hotchin) Exemption Notice
2009, clause 4 of the Notice which states:
"The Commission reserves the right to bring charges for anything it wishes against the company or
individual as long as 90% of talkback callers on Radio Live are in agreement with this decision".
It is the understanding of lawyers that Plane Jane has been threatened with a sit in of all 17,000Hanover investors singing "You're so Plane" between the hours of 6.30am to 6pm, ceasing only when
they will all have to depart to get public transport home in time for Coronation Street.
Hanover and Mr Hotchin trust that Ms Diplock enjoys a summer vacation due diligencing a quarter of a
billion dollars of ex-Hanover linked property at Queenstown and pops in for a look at 5 Mile , Jacks
Point and Kawarau Falls to visualise what would have been if every major property developer in New
Zealand had not gone tits up in 2009/2010 allowing Hanover to meet their financial obigations.
In the meantime Mr Hotchin advises that as his Kiwibank account and credit card were included in the
freeze he will not be able to pay any of his debts around New Zealand including renewing his NBR
online subscription.
STATEMENT ENDS
For further information please contact
Cactus Kate
c/- Chaos and Mayhem Productions Limited
www .asianinvasion 2006.blogspot .com