How Balanced Am I?Introducing, from Keuwl Labs…

The ‘Three Wishes’ just got better

Upgrade-Ya

Isn’t that a song?

No, that’s Upgrade U by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z.

Upgrade-Ya is a brilliant new product from Keuwl Laboratories that essentially makes sure that you are perfect and exactly who you want to be.

No longer will you ever need to wish upon a star or blow on dandelions. Upgrade-Ya can make you fatter or thinner, taller or shorter, prettier or uglier, with little or no side effects!

Sounds cool, but please elaborate a

bit.

Of course.

Upgrade-YaComparison

Comparison

Upgrade-Ya Nature

Instant results Changes according to

your desire, not nature’s

Expensive Changes can be

duplicated, erased, undone and enhanced

Unique

Takes time Unpredictable and not

necessarily according to your taste

Free Once something is

done, it can’t be undone

The same for everyone

But if you can do all that at a press of a

button…

…won’t you become really unfit and unhealthy?

No comment.

Let me put it this way -

Upgrade-YaBenefits and Disadvantages

Upgrade-Ya

Benefits Disadvantages

Boosts self-esteem Easier to fit in with

people Easier to make new

friends Makes you feel happier

with your image Stops things like

anorexia through peer pressure

Makes you unfit Makes you unhealthy Natural development

and growth is stunted Natural character

building is destroyed Makes you lose that

sense of self that makes each and everyone unique.

Upgrade-YaArguments For and Against

You will only be healthy on the outside, not the inside. You can’t change that, just your outward appearance.

So, what if Upgrade-Ya really doesn’t make you more healthy and good looking, because inside you will be feeling rubbish? Wouldn’t this affect your appearance as well?

And self-esteem. If your self-esteem is apparently being boosted by this, wouldn’t it just go down again because of the sickness?

Argument Against

But what about the benefits? You can get higher self-esteem for more than one place, you know. More friends will give you more respect for yourself, ergo, higher self-esteem.

Isn’t it better to feel good about yourself than feel like you constantly need to improve?

Happiness is important. If you have to change yourself to feel good about yourself, then that is entirely your own choice.

Argument For

Aha! But your friends won’t be true friends. They won’t like you for who you are, only for who you want to be. It is better to have real friends who respect you the way you are, and don’t try to change you just so you can fit in. You would be living a fake life that way, and wouldn’t be the real you.

While I agree that the happiness of the individual in question is important, nothing is so important that you have to change yourself drastically to achieve it.

Argument Against

The point is, how can you be balanced without earning it? Answer: you can’t be. Because nothing else can affect the changes wrought by nature, it gives people drive. If you want to change the way you look, you have to work for it. Upgrade-Ya is just another way of cheating nature. People thought immortality would be a good idea: it isn’t. The same principles apply to Upgrade-Ya.

At the moment, without factors like Upgrade-Ya, I believe that I am relatively well balanced.

Exercise: I play tennis and hockey, and I enjoy swimming. Not laps, though. I also walk/scooter to school every day.

Food: My favourite food is vegetarian spring rolls – go figure. My average lunch is salad, fruit and Milo.

Drinks: I don’t like any fizzy drinks, so that counts in my favour.

How Balanced Am I, Then?

That is my answer to the Unit Question. I hope this makes people understand why changing yourself is not always a good idea.

Besides, imagine a world full of identical people.

You might think “how do you get to that

conclusion?”, but if everyone had the same concept of beauty (as they would undeniably have) then everyone

would want to look like that.

Result:Compared to that, identifying identical twins is a piece of cake.With whipped cream, sprinkles and a bucket of cherries on the

top.

Thank you.I’ll be here all week. And

the next week. And the next one, and the next one, and the next

three, and the next two, and the next one.

Acknowledgements

Slideshow: Kim HeeleyProduct (Upgrade-Ya): Kim HeeleyKeuwl Labs: Kim HeeleyText: Kim HeeleyFacts: Kim Heeley’s Health Workbook All Ideas: Kim HeeleyPictures: PhotoShop CS4 (Made by Kim

Heeley, original photos from Heeley-Brown photos)

Latin: Lingua Latine Occasionibus Omnibus (Latin For All Occasions) by Henry Beard. A wholly remarkable book.

DisclaimerFrom Keuwl Laboratories

This product is entirely fictitious. Any attempt to sue Miss Heeley will be refuted on the grounds de stella Martis vere venisti. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Keuwl Laboratories