How to be a CatBIOGRAPHIES, FIRSTHAND ACCOUNTS, TIPS AND GUIDES TO BECOMING THE IDEAL CAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Are you sure you’d like to become a feline?How about we learn a bit first, just in case. Maybe you don’t WANT to lick your butt on a daily basis.

A cat is not anywhere near the bouts of being a creature of simplicity. A cat, my friend, is unique and overall special indeed. When you set commitment into understanding and evaluating their ways and anything of other interest, you will be left in awe at what will come. The cat is a mysterious and fragile character, as well as brave and courageous depending on it’s unique personality, as all cats have. Dive into everything there is to be, because learning of cats is an essence. (Wink, wink.) Cats don’t learn about you, though, because they don’t care about you.

Some Facts About Favorite Felines

We all have a favorite feline, don’t we? There’s Bengal and Siamese and Birman, Shorthair and Longhair, Persians, Tortoiseshell, and many more. Here’s a little list of facts about some cat breeds.

Cat Breed Facts-• The Siamese always has blue eyes, and in common cases it is born with it’s eyes crossed forever!

• The calico cat is almost always a female, and very rarely a male. You are lucky to have one if you do!

•The same goes for golden tabby females. There are rarely female gold tabbies, and usually only males.

• One of the most active cats in the whole world is the Bengal, which can be taught to fetch and jump. The Siamese comes in second for most talkative, meowing much more than other kinds of cats.

Poems by CatsKITTY BABY, AGE 2, OC.

Sunny, light fur.

Rests near the trees

Come, hear me purr.

Meow in the breeze

Don’t cause me to stir.

Leave me alone please

BUBBY, AGE 2, KH.

Listen to the clanking, in the kitchen I hear. I can surely tell, that food may be near. Ready, I’m ready, tail raised

linear. The table is set, the humans are clear, I hop on the table and feast on food dear. I leap off the table, the

bound is quite sheer, and I quickly depart to enjoy and to cheer.

Cats are quite the creatures of being sneaky and independent. They continue to mystify their owners when food disappears without notice,and a cat requests to be stroked and then decides to be left alone!

First-Hand Accounts: State of MindANONYMEOWS: AGE 4, MALE.

Q: So, what do you have to think about all day, being a cat and all?

A: Well, I have to think of what I’m going to eat. That’s about it. Well, we can’t forget sleeping either.

Q: What is the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make in your life as a feline?

A: Well, when my servant wasn't home, I decided whether or not to lick my paws.

MILLIE: AGE 1, FEMALE.

Q: When you have done something naughty, what is your reaction to other’s anger about it?

A: Well, to be honest, from the loveliest depths of my heart, I don’t care at all.

Q: What is your most treasured trait, that you believe, others adore as well?

A: I am quite the bowel-sensitive cat. My slave-human thinks it simply divine when I release my work on her carpet. I hear her yowls of delight.

What to do if you get caught.As a cat, you will begin to realize your power. You are the boss of those pesky, pink, hairy creatures that feed you and bow down to your every command. You will come to believe that such royalty, yourself, could never be subject to punishment or consequences. That is true in most situations, yet, some servants don’t understand how pleasurable it is to have a hairball on the floor. At times, if you are nibbling furniture, they will see you. You may then look at them innocently. They will scream how happy they are at you, they love to play opposites.

The face of innocence is quite an easy thing to pulloff, because cats are already as innocent as it gets.

Daily Checklist Wake up at 4:00 or 5:00 sharp. Proceed to lick, meow, purr, or sit on servant's face.

After servant has stirred, follow them to the big litterbox and jump onto their lap. Pretend as if you love them dearly. Stare deep into their inner thoughts as they use the litterbox.

After they have used the box, unleash your bottled up love of food romantically, dip your meow to a lower tone at the end, to add the longing effect. They will succumb to it.

After filling your need, you will want more. Servants never get their portions correct. Scream at them, they most likely will pet you, not knowing you want more food. Dumb creatures.

After failing your attempt to achieve more delicious food, lick your paws. Look as betrayed and wispy as you can, it adds up to the long term food portion size.

Sleep for many, many hours. Many hours more after that. Get up, and scream once. Sleep much more. Then get up, act quite tired, and weakly beg for food. Then sleep more.

You may choose to add things onto this list such asbatting at string, rolling in dirt, resting with eyes open, and farting on an unfortunate being.

How smart is a cat, exactly?Well, it depends on the breed, personality, cooperativeness, and exposure to humans and human objects. For example, imagine if your feline friend used to be a wild cat. You JUST adopted it. It has mostly instinct, not intelligence. Let’s now say that the cat has been put through many tests requiring skills. That cat is smarter than the cat in the wild, but only by a little. It still has it’s same instincts as before. If a cat is locked in one room all it’s life with only a chair, it would be accustomed to knowing what a chair associated with. If a cat has been shown many different objects and some of them cause different reactions, it is thought more intelligent.

They always feed me when it is dark, so I will get food then.That red light can never be caught. Whenever I touch that shiny,

clear white block, my paw gets really cold.

First-Hand Accounts: FoodBUBBY, AGE 2, FEMALE.

Q: What kinds of food do you eat, and how often do you eat them?

A: I eat every meat food. I eat it all the time. I will eat you. Go away.

Q: Do you ever catch your own food, such as snakes, lizards, or birds?

A: Of course. I love the smell of blood. The look. The taste. Us cats catch prey all time, but servants always yell at us for their gifts.

PEPPERS, AGE 4, MALE.

Q: Have you ever eaten something that wasn’t meat, and regretted it?

A: Yes. I ate a goldfish cracker. There were no regrets.

Q: Have your servants forced you to eat food when you know they hid medicine in it?

A: They do what..?

When the time comes.You understand how important you are, and you acknowledge it well. Though, suppose, that your slave violates your personal desires and decides to forcibly make you take part in a ritual known as “Bath?” Well, take my advice. There are certain things you may do when disaster strikes. Firstly, use those lioness instincts. Claw, bite, assault the slave as much as you can. They will put you down. If not, you are doomed to a watery death. After the “Bath” you may wear scorn upon your features and do whatever you wish to create misery to the bath-giver.

Just look at this shocked face.can you pull it off?

Yes. Look at me. I am the ruler

of you.