how to communicate with my child? how to raise a responsible child? how to teach my child patiently?...

• How to communicate with my child?• How to raise a responsible child?• How to teach my child patiently?• How to effectively communicate with spouse

when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

• Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).

• Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.

• Discipline/building positive relationships.• How to teach kids in a way they understand?

Your Questions

合奏「管」然「樂」• How did your parents discipline

you?• What do you remember most

about your parents’ discipline?• What do you agree/disagree

about your parents’ style of discipline?

• What similarities/differences do you see in the way you/your spouse discipline and how you were disciplined as a child?

The Difference Styles of Discipline

Su

pp

ort &

Lo

ve

(Affi

rmatio

n)

Control (Punishment)

Low

in C

on

trol

Hig

h in

Contro

l


Control (Punishment)

Low Support & Love

High Support & Love


Su

pp

ort &

Lo

ve

(Affi

rmatio

n)

The

Neglecte

d Child

Neglectful

Autho

rita

ri

an

Perm

issi

ve

Authoritati

ve

Low

in C

on

trol

Hig

h in

Contro

l

Low

in C

on

trol

High Support & LoveH

igh in

Contro

l

Low

in C

on

trol

Low Support & LoveTh

eCr

ushe

dCh

ild

The

Balanced

Child

The

Unc

ontr

olle

d Ch

ild

Where

Are You?


有乜問題 ?

Today’s Menu• What is Discipline?• The Wrong Assumptions in

Discipline• Different Ways to Discipline and

Their Pros and Cons• Prevention Over Intervention• Basic Principles of Discipline• Steps to Positive Behaviors• Q & A• Bonus (Leading by Example, How

to Communicate with kids)

聖經的原則The Biblical Principles

「教養孩童，使他走當行的道，就是到老，他也不偏離。」 “ Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he

will not turn from it.”

箴 Prov. 22:6

Definition of Discipline

• External Discipline• Internal Discipline• The goal is to apply external

discipline to enable a child to develop new skills and proper conduct in order to acquire internal discipline.


Discipline is “the training

in conduct that uses

a neutral blend of

rewards and punishment

to shape moral character.”

~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite

Punishment and DisciplinePunishme

ntDiscipline

Purpose

Focus

Parent’s AttitudeResult on Child

To train for correction and maturity

To inflict penalty for an offense

Past misdeeds

Future correct deeds

Hostility and frustration

Love and concern

Fear and Guilt

Security




a neutral blend of

rewards and punishment






Positive and Negative

Consequences



The Little Adult AssumptionThe belief that kids are basically reasonable and unselfish…just smaller versions of grownups. They misbehave because they don’t have enough information. So...

False Assumption:Give them calm, rational explanations of why they should change a behavior and they will shape up immediately.

Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes

• Too Much Talking – Too Much Talking is a mistake because it either does not work or takes you through the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome.

• Too Much Emotion – Too Much Emotion is a mistake because the child picks up on negative emotions which may prolong or increase their negative behaviors

Parents as Animal Trainers

Choose a training method

Repeat it until it works

If done correctly, you’ll get result

Parents as Animal Trainers

Walter

• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out

Forms of Discipline

• Warning (either 1 warning or 1-2-3)

• If ignores Time-Out • Explanation and walk away• Set a timer (1 minute per age)• If get up put back & reset timer• Time’s up Explain why again (?)• Ask for apology• Resolution Hugs and Kisses

How to Execute Time-Out(or the naughty step)

有乜問題 ?

• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out• Loss of Privilege• Grounding• Spanking

– Is it okay to spank? If so, how?

Forms of Discipline

• Spanking– Whoever spares the rod hates their

children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

不忍用杖打兒子的，是恨惡他；疼愛兒子的，隨時管教。 ~ Prov. 13:24 ~

– Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.

愚蒙迷住孩童的心，用管教的杖可以遠遠趕除。 ~ Prov. 22:15 ~

Forms of Discipline

• Spanking– Do not withhold discipline from a child; if

you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death. 不可不管教孩童；你用杖打他，他必不至於死。你要用杖打他，就可以救他的靈魂免下陰間。 ~ Prov. 23:13-14 ~

– A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.

杖打和責備能加增智慧；放縱的兒子使母親羞愧。 ~ Prov. 29:15 ~

Forms of Discipline

• Spanking– Do not spank in anger– Age appropriate (roughly between 18

months to 10 years old)– Only used for active defiance– Spanking is a procedure...a means and

not an end...administer with love, explanation, and resolution

– Spanking is only one of the methods of correction, choose wisely

Forms of Discipline

• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out• Loss of Privilege• Grounding• Spanking• Bear Hug / Hold Down

Forms of Discipline

有乜問題 ?

到你試啦 !

• Tiredness• Hunger• Over or under stimulation• Too many demands...like sharing• Want to do it by themselves but

not being able to• Disputes over food• Emotions like fear and anxiety• Perfectionist temperament• Not getting their own ways• New environments

Prevention Over InterventionTop Ten Tantrum Triggers:

• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences–Safety–Courtesy and Sharing–Bedtime–Mealtime–Noise Level–Getting Dressed–Tantrums

Prevention Over Intervention

• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences

• Stop Potential Bad Habits• Praise Good Behavior• Avoid Idleness And Boredom

– Is it okay to use an iPad or iPhone to occupy the kid(s)? Discuss


• Finger puppets• Etch-a-sketch / Doodle pad• Crayons and coloring book• Sticker books / Activity books• Pipe cleaners• Books to read• Music and storybooks on an

iPod, iPad, MP3 player, or CD player, and over-the ear headphones

• Favorite blankie or stuffed animal

• Healthy snacks• Change of clothes in case of

accidents

Travel Tote Bag for Toddlers

• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences

• Stop Potential Bad Habits• Praise Good Behavior• Avoid Idleness And Boredom• Establish A Schedule• Express Excitement


有乜問題 ?

Two Major Areas of Discipline

• Controlling Inappropriate Behavior

• Encouraging Good Behavior

• Maximize the Trainable Years

Basic Principles of Discipline

「這是耶和華─你們　神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章，使你們在所要過去得為業的地上遵行，好叫你和你子子孫孫一生敬畏耶和華─你的　神，謹守他的一切律例誡命…我今日所吩咐你的話都要記在心上，也要殷勤教訓你的兒女。無論你坐在家裏，行在路上，躺下，起來，都要談論。也要繫在手上為記號，戴在額上為經文；又要寫在你房屋的門框上，並你的城門上。」

申 Deut. 6:1-9

With great power comes great

responsibility

With ResponsibilityComes Privilege

• Maximize the Trainable Years• With Responsibility Comes

Privilege


• Maximize the Trainable Years• With Responsibility Comes

Privilege• Consequence Should Match

the Offense• Consistency and Immediate

Follow-Through


• Warn but don’t follow through

• Impossible to follow through

• Lack of consistency

• Impatience with the technique

Common Discipline Mistakes

• Decide what matters to you• Set boundaries• Communicate boundaries

and expectations• Be a good role model• Praise and reward• Comment when others do it• Do it everyday

Steps to Positive Behavior

有乜問題 ?

• How to communicate with my child?• How to raise a responsible child?• How to teach my child patiently?• How to effectively communicate with spouse

when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

• Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).

• Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.

• Discipline/building positive relationships.• How to teach kids in a way they understand?

Your Questions

生命影響生命Leading By Example

• 與神的關係 Relationship with God

• 與配偶的關係 Relationship with Spouse

• 與他人的關係 Relationship with Others

• 與子女的關係 Relationship with Kids

how to communicate with my child? how to raise a responsible child? how to teach my child patiently?...

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