HOW TO CREATE A LOVE CONTRACT

SAY "I DO" AGAIN EVERY YEAR –– AND MEAN IT!

Married with Luggagewww.MarriedwithLuggage.com

from the Love Lab at

What has

changed in our

lives?

How can our

relationship

adapt?

a relationship needs to evolve

The most important social contract you'll ever make iswith your partner. You say, "I do" and declare yourundying love for each other.

And then you're expected to honor that vow fordecades, without question...til death do you part.

But if you look at it logically, especially in light of somany relationship failures, this is not a wise plan. Noother contracts work this way, and there's a goodreason for it.

Can you imagine a business contract like that?

We change. Our needs change. Our situations change.

And our relationships have to be able to change, too.

An Annual Love Contract allows you to evaluate andupdate your relationship every single year so that youcan enjoy a long and happy union together.

Would I choose

you again?

Would you

choose me?

WHY???

Would you say yes again today?

Knowing what you know now about your partner,yourself, and what a committed relationship is like,

would you still choose your mate all over again today?

On the flip side, would your partner choose you?

If those questions don't give you pause, then you canskip this entire lesson. You don't need it.

But for the rest of us, those who sometimesexperience doubt, frustration, and exhaustion within arelationship, keep reading. We have good news.

You can recreate the enthusiasm and commitmentyou had on the day you decided to spend your lifetogether, no matter how many years ago that was.

The answer is an Annual Love Contract, and we'regoing to show you how to do it.

happily ever after is a fairy tale

You remember that day. You looked into each other'seyes and said, "I can't live without you." And you meantit at the time.

But the heady mix of pheromones, love, andexcitement don't stay top of mind in a world with jobs,commutes, housework, bills, and family obligations.

Life is not a fairy tale, and neither is your relationship.

If you're reading this, then you already came to thatconclusion.

So instead of depending on that wedding or move-inday enthusiasm to carry you through decades of lifetogether, we'd like to propose something a little morepractical:

The Annual Love Contract.

Prince

Charming has

left the

building.

Oh yeah?

When did

Dream Girl

turn into a

nag?

what is an annual love contract?Imagine that you each have an attorney speaking foryou. The topic is the state of your relationship and howyou want it to look in the next year.

There is no crying, nagging, or name-calling.

Remember, you paid these guys a lot of money toplead your case to get what you want.

But like any negotiation, there is some compromise.

Everyone has to give a little to get a little.

Plus, we all want to see that we're building somethingvaluable, a worthy investment for our time and energy.

At the end of the negotiation, you have a list ofrelationship assets, liabilities, and an agreed-upon planto make it stronger. Your lawyers shake hands.

Now replace the lawyers with yourselves, and you'vegot The Annual Love Contract.

I don't like it

when we...

I love it that we...

In the future, I'

d

like to see us...

How to create your love contract

The big negotiation is annually, enough time forpositive trends to build and goals to be reached.

You can pick any date you like:

* Anniversary* New Year's Day* Valentine's Day* A completely arbitrary date that has no othersignificance in your life.

Remember, this is your negotiation. You get to makethe rules – together.

The most important thing about picking a date foryour Annual Love Contract is making time withoutdistractions.

Let's set a date

for the

astrological

conjunction of

Venus and Mars.

You mean next

Friday?

1. Set a Date

How to create your love contract

A distraction-free zone allows you to focus on eachother and your relationship.

Pick a quiet place, preferably away from your home.

Neutral ground. A place that makes you both feelgood.

Make sure you're both rested, relatively stress-free, andready and willing to talk.

And for heaven's sake, turn off your phone.

The most important thing is to find a place free ofdistractions so you can focus on the most importantrelationship in your life.

Picnic

Walk

Restaurant

Cafe

Canoeing

Happy Hour

Star-Gazing

Sunrise/Sunset

???

2. Name the Place

How to create your love contract

The Annual Love Contract negotiation is a discussionon how to reduce the negatives and enhance thepositives in your relationship. This isn't a laundry list ofall the ways you've failed each other. It isn't a blamegame, either.

* Start with a hug. Remember, this is a lovingconversation.

* Tell each other that you truly want to make yourrelationship better.* Say your I love you's* Promise not to raise your voice, get mad, become adrama king/queen, or walk away until it is done.

* Vow to use loving and helpful language throughout.

When you set the expectation of teamwork, you will work together as a team.

3. set the intention

Before we

start...

HugIntentio

n

Love you's

Stick with it

Helpful langua

ge

How to create your love contract

Tell your partner what is working for you, the thingsyou want to continue. We like to know when we’redoing something right, and when appreciation isshown we’re inclined to continue doing it. Or even doit more.

Ask your partner what is working for him or her. Youmight be surprised by this answer. As above, makesure that you keep this top of mind so you cancontinue to delight your partner this way.

It's easier to stay on track and take constructivecriticism later if you start with the positive.

Remember why you're here: to strengthen yourrelationship. Starting with a feel-good inventory putsyou on the right track. Gimme some more, please!

I love it that yo

u

do that thing with

your tongue.

I am proud of

you for learning

to paint.

I like it that yo

u

keep in touch

with our 

friends.

4. What's Going well?

How to create your love contract

Discuss the things that are not working in yourrelationship.

* An action your partner does or does not do thatdiminishes your happiness* A negative trend in your relationship* Outside influences or activities that impact yourhappiness

Take turns to talk without interruption, stating yourpoints of dissatisfaction. Remember, this is not alaundry list of everything you don't like. This is a list ofwhat is impacting your level of satisfaction in therelationship.

Speak and listen with love. Your partner is going outon a limb to say these things because he/she wants toimprove your relationship.

I want you to

initiate sex more.

I want you to

stop looking at

your phone when

we're talking.

I'm worried about

our health - we

need to lose

weight.

5. What Could be Better?

How to create your love contract

Knowing you can walk away at the end of each yearmakes working on your relationship a top priority. Youdon't take each other or your union for granted.

You're only in it as long as you both work at it.

(And who wants to be in a relationship where there isno daily effort to make each other happy?)

At this stage, you have to honestly ask each other ifyou're ready to say "I Do" for another year.

Will you recommit to each other?

This is when you choose each other again, knowingyour assets and imperfections and vowing to worktogether over the next year. Say it out loud: "I chooseyou for one more year." And mean it!

Yes!

Yes!

6. will you recommit?

How to create your love contract

Now that you've agreed to work together, it's time toget to the details!

* What can you do to maximize the positives youalready mentioned?

* What can you do to reduce or eliminate thenegatives?* What lifestyle or attitude changes do you need toadopt as a couple, and how will you do it?

Remember, you can't solve everything overnight.Small regular actions are far more powerful thanoccasional giant leaps.

When you've made your plan, verbally or on paper,you must state out loud to your partner what you'll doto improve the relationship in the coming year.

Your word to your partner is your promise.

I will initiate sex

once per week.

I will put my

phone in my

pocket when

we're talking.

We'll take a walk

around the 'hoo

d

every night.

7. The one-year love contract

how we use the love contract

We've been using the Annual Love Contract since2006, from the lowest point of trust and happiness tothe peak we share now.

We've committed to changing our health togetherand have lost a combined 80 pounds. We activelywork to stay healthy for each other.

Our sex life improved when we had openconversations about what/when/how we wanted it.

Our finances improved when we made goals together.It's a lot easier to save money or pay off bills when youagree on why and how you're doing it.

The division of work in our household and business ismutual. No one feels taken advantage of anymore.

Best of all, we are 100% partners, completely devotedto the success of our relationship. And we both knowit and show it.

Hi! We're Betsy

& Warren. The

Love Contrac

t

is one way we

transformed

our relationshi

p.

Read more at:

MarriedwithLu

ggage.com

how we use the love contract

Every year on our anniversary, we make a date tonegotiate. We like to do it outside with Mother Nature,

usually on a walk at sunrise.

We bring a little notebook to write down key actions,and by the time we get back from our negotiation(which usually takes between 1-2 hours), we enjoy anice breakfast or brunch together. It is a beautiful and powerful way to start another yearof life together.

There is nothing more romantic than knowing yourpartner loves, trusts, and supports you and will activelywork to make you happy. You can't help but the do thesame.

That is the magic of The Annual Love Contract. It takesthe fairy tale out of love, but it guarantees your happilyever after. Because when you work as a team, almostnothing is out of reach.

No more fairy

tales. 

Reality is so

much sweeter!

Further Resources

Align yourself

with couples

working to

strengthen the

ir

relationships to

learn and stay

inspired!

Find out more about the Annual Love Contract here:

http://www.marriedwithluggage.com/love-contract/

Want to read more from the LoveLab at Married with Luggage? Getour latest book in print or ebook.

Equal parts travel memoir andlove story, find out how a politicalcoup in South America, icy stormsoff the coast of Antarctica, andherding goats in the Gobi Desert(among other things) changed usforever.

Married with Luggage is for people who enjoyadventurous travel, those who want an inside peek athow an unconventional couple lives, and anyone whoenjoys a good old-fashioned love story.

Find out more at MarriedwithLuggage.com/thebook

Buy Now

About the Authors

Betsy and Warren Talbot are the authors of fourbooks, including Married with Luggage: What WeLearned About Love by Traveling the World.

They host the popular Married with Luggage podcast,a weekly conversation with experts around the worldon love, sex, and communication in today’s modernrelationships.

When they aren’t traveling the world, you can findthem writing their next book in a small, whitewashedvillage in Spain.

Find out more at MarriedwithLuggage.com.