how to get what you want

14

Upload: haikal-mohamad

Post on 14-Sep-2015

24 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

DESCRIPTION

Life isn’t fair. As an adult, you’re probably all too familiarwith this common saying. You’ve probably grown used tohard work, long hours, exhaustion and frustration in yourpursuit for what’s most important in your life. Doing moreand working harder to get what you want have becomeaccepted practices and then very often we still fall shortwhen it comes to achieving the better job, a bigger paycheck, more recognition, the next sale or even just anedge over the competition. Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

TRANSCRIPT

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    Life isnt fair. As an adult, youre probably all too familiar with this common saying. Youve probably grown used to hard work, long hours, exhaustion and frustration in your pursuit for whats most important in your life. Doing more and working harder to get what you want have become accepted practices and then very often we still fall short when it comes to achieving the better job, a bigger pay check, more recognition, the next sale or even just an edge over the competition. Sometimes life just isnt fair.

    But you keep trying! After all, the rewards are worth it!

    You may have invested money, energy and study into program after program trying to achieve what you desire. Youve read all the tricks, followed advice from others carefully and planned every step on the road to success.

    So why are you still struggling? Maybe you arent struggling exactly but you know theres more out there for you! Youre nowhere near the top but youre convinced you could be! After all of your efforts, you should be seeing results, but nothing seems to be happening! Or if it does, it doesnt last.

    People dont listen or pay attention to you. You didnt get the promotion. Nobody invited you to join the group. Your idea wasnt valued it was rejected. You feel invisible.

    Youre the star of a never-ending balancing act. Its enough to make you give up. You start to believe you are stuck with the hand you were dealt.

    Youre not alone. An Amazon search shows there are 102,196 results of books with the word influence in the title. There are 823,000 global monthly searches on Google for the phrase how to get what you want. And there are 3.3 million global monthly searches for the word influence.

    What does that tell us? People are hungry to learn what they can do to gain more control over their situation and have more of what they want in their life.

    Its time to start getting

    what you want taking charge of your life learning how

    to start.

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    Over time, when you arent getting what you want -- when you arent getting the things youve worked so hard for-- you begin to believe and accept that something is wrong with you. Your motivation wanes and life doesnt have the luster you aspired to.

    But your bad luck cant possibly be your fault! Can it?

    NO! Your circumstances are certainly NOT your fault! But the solution has EVERYTHING to do with you! Youre not the problem! Youre the answer!

    Top leaders and successful business people understand that in order to affect their environment and redirect circumstances in their favor, they must have the power to exert influence over any situation in which they find themselves. These people spend very little time influencing with tips and tricks.

    Instead they invest their time in being influential. This has been their secret for years. Why? Because it works. They get the simple reality that to have people listen, follow, respect, and value them they have to be influential first and then the rewards of influencing will flow naturally.

    The entire idea of influence is written about in hundreds of thousands of books and materials aimed at the business, leadership and self-help industries, which supports the deduction that the universal question is: How do I get what I want?

    This paper will reveal the challenges you face with getting what you want and the rewards you will receive when you understand where influence begins and the process it takes to get there.

    The Influence Movement Today

    Influence is the key factor in shaping how you are able to stand out from the crowd, be the voice that molds the opinion of others, or leads an organization from failure to success.

    Youre not the problem

    youre the answer.

  • Influence is marketing at its finest. According to Sam Fiorella at Sensei Marketing, the best definition of influence is the answer to the question: did they buy it? In this context he is referring to whether or not a customer switched phone carriers, purchased the toy for their young child, or bought dessert after a satisfying meal.

    Its about the style of communication you use with a new customer. Its about how you minimize all complexity and get your target to yes. Its about demonstrating how cool youll be when they say yes.

    Influence is that intangible quality that guides and motivates each and every one of us, and it is inescapable. From your boss at work to your children, your friends, the media, radio and television, even the back of a cereal box, spheres of influence engulf you throughout the day, every day.

    According to David Lamoureux of Fluid Drive Media, conservative estimates suggest that a person will receive up to 300 persuasive or influential messages from marketers alone in the course of a single day. Further, Yankelvich Research states that range can be from 3,000 to 20,000 including every time you pass by a label, ads in your mailbox, or on what you wear. Either way you look at it, the amount is daunting.

    In an average 65 year life span, a person will have spent 9 years in front of the television. Thats a lot of influence and persuasion all directed at getting you to yes.

    The influence industry is exploding - whether its marketing, sales, leadership, business or family, influence is the cornerstone of all human interaction.

    It has been estimated that general managers spend upwards of 80% of their time in verbal communication attempting to persuade fellow employees.

    Our society is flooded with compliance, persuasion, brainwashing, propaganda, and reframing all wanting to get, do or be something in your life. Dr. Kelton Rhoads

    Influence is the cornerstone of

    all human interaction

    www.Karen-Keller.com

  • founder of Working Psychology estimates influence can be divided into at least 160 dimensions and the list is growing.

    What all these influence dimensions have in common is they are externally based. They teach you to influence by doing or saying something to get a response. It puts you in a state of doing.

    Successful leaders and influencers have enough to do! They know the secret lies in being influential and not just doing tasks designed to make them look influential!

    Influence Challenges in an Ever-Demanding World You may have already explored the commonly suggested external approaches to getting what you want. If you have then you know that these approaches can be inconsistent - working for a time but leaving you short of your goal or ending up being seen as manipulative.

    For example, you are the one with outstanding creative ideas. You are early to work, stay late when the project is on a deadline, and see it through complete with details. Youve done EVERYTHING youre supposed to do! And yet, when the boss announces promotions, you are passed over again.

    Daily, it seems, you wrestle with your colleagues about something that stops you from making progress they dont come to your meetings, or turn in reports as promised, or answer your emails. It always feels like a battle. In despair, you think [sigh], Why cant they do these things without me having to chase them down?

    There are three major mistakes that people face when attempting to influence:

    Using a step-by-step plan that doesnt work with everyone and in every situation

    www.Karen-Keller.com

    Todays practice of influence is

    alive and not so well.

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    Allowing good intentions to influence turn into manipulation when under pressure

    Implementing external practices that do not resonate with internal core values

    Lets discuss them all in a bit more detail...

    1. Using a step-by-step guaranteed plan that doesnt work with everyone and in every situation

    The premise is if you do this then youll get that. Because no two people are exactly alike, have identical desires, process information the same, or have the same characteristics, the doing approach can often leave you disappointed and feeling as though youve failed. Youve done everything you were supposed to so why isnt it working?

    In order to be truly influential, you need strategies and areas of concentration that are customized to your particular needs, wants, and that support your natural talents. In order to get started being influential, you dont need to follow the same advice as everyone else. You need to take the first step and work on the behaviors that are right for YOU!

    For example, Robert has to give a top client a tour of the company. He is told that in order to impress the client he needs to talk a lot, ask questions that lead the client towards a particular conclusion, and share future plans for company expansion. Now, that may sound good but Robert is an introvert - it takes time for him to warm up to people. He isnt sure about the expansion plans and doesnt believe he can lead the client to think a particular way. Robert isnt ready to practice the doing piece of influence. He lacks the assurance and courage to carry out this task. Expecting Robert to do something that isnt in his nature, even though he had training on how to influence people, does not guarantee success. In fact, its a sure formula for failure and anxiety.

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    2. Good intentions to influence turn into manipulation when under pressure

    In todays fast-paced world, expectations are so high to sell that people begin to focus on making the sale -only. Sales representatives, business owners, and marketing agencies concentrate on strategic placement of words, promises, and wish fulfillment. Monthly sales projections cause pressure to perform. Pressure to grow the bottom line. Livelihoods, lifestyles and futures depend on it.

    For instance, Carol was so desperate to move up in the company she began giving the boss insider information about her competition within the company. It started with small talk about others to her boss. Then it graduated to office gossip about her peers. Carol ended up becoming a grown up tattletale at work. Through the course of several months, what began as her intentions to influence her boss in her favor actually ended up as manipulation of her boss. Carol was under so much pressure to be the best that she became untrustworthy all in order to support her own advancement at the company. This couldnt be further from her intention.

    Authenticity is the key to gaining favor. But the desire for gaining something from someone can be so strong that you unconsciously cross the line between influence and manipulation.

    3. External influence practices that do not resonate with internal core values

    Rehearsing influence strategies and memorizing strange approaches can sometimes be difficult. It doesnt always return the desired result either. But when these strategies and techniques come into conflict with your core beliefs and values then troubles begin.

    Dissonance occurs when there is conflict between values and practice. Conflict results because a persons values tend to be quite stable and people are unwilling to compromise them. It happens when there is an expectation to meet certain standards within a company

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    or community organization regardless of personal values.

    To illustrate, Brian is an executive with a top recruiting firm. He loves his job, likes the people he works with and earns great respect stemming from his ethical performance. In recent months, his employer has adopted a policy that encourages executives to persuade clients into accepting candidates more quickly by creating the notion that qualified candidates are scarce.

    Brian is torn between the external influence practice of scarcity, moving clients in a direction that he knows is not accurate. He believes this will generate problems ahead for the client, the candidate, his employer, and mainly, himself.

    Its about the choice between compliance and commitment to values. When expectations or requirements interfere with core values it takes courage to correct the conflict or take a stand.

    Masters of Influence Start At the Beginning With the Basics

    To successfully get what you want, no matter what it is, you start at the beginning. Learn the basics. Discover what will make your foundation strong, able to withstand any blow.

    The world is changing; people are changing. Your customer, your boss, your spouse, and your community recognize that true influence comes from people who are influential. Many people continue to use the doing aspect of influence (behaviors and words) only to discover influence is much deeper than that.

    The worlds most influential leaders, thought leaders, writers and business people know the real secret to influence influence starts with you, not the other person. It starts by learning who you are and the traits you possess that will allow you to become an influential person.

    Its not what you do but

    who you are

  • Influence is the capacity to effect change on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. It is the single most valuable capacity you possess, according to some of the worlds greatest leaders. And how do you get there?

    A review of the last 20 years studying the greatest influencers in the world; Ghandi, Christ, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Jim Collins, Jack Welch, Robert Greenleaf, John Kennedy, Margaret Thatcher, Nelson Mandela, and Golda Meir shows it wasnt just what these people did that made them influential. It wasnt because they had money, position or authority. They were influential because of who they were and the qualities they possessed.

    Thats why people followed them and listened to them. Thats why people hold them in high regard. These great leaders knew action is an important part of success. But had certain attributes they possessed been under developed or out of alignment, their actions would have had very different outcomes.

    Nelson Mandela, former President of South Africa and activist, said, A lost man can never lead anywhere. He was guided by the wisdom of understanding that if a man (or woman) does not know who he (or she) is, they have yet to evolve into the greatest leader they could be, whether in business, community or life.

    How important do you think it is to start at the beginning with the basics when you want to master anything? Do you think Yo-Yo Ma started playing Bachs cello suites without first committing to being a master cellist? Without being passionate about music? Without developing the confidence to perform in front of others? Or the courage to keep going even when he failed to play perfectly? No amount of practicing his scales would have made him the influential musician he is today without his first developing these traits.

    Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers, revealed to us how it takes 10,000 hours of honing ones abilities before success shows up. You start with the basics. If you ignore

    It takes 10,000 hours of honing ones abilities before success

    shows up

    www.Karen-Keller.com

  • this fundamental step success will pass you by.

    Who you are, deep inside, your very nature, is the genesis of all your actions. And the capacity for influence is in every person. You were born with it. Unfortunately, many people never develop those capacities to their highest degree. Why is that? Because as we grow up, we each have different experiences, we develop different beliefs, attitudes and philosophies. Some of which serve us and some of which get in the way of developing our influence capacity.

    Benefits of Knowing Who You Are

    For the person who wants to become influential, knowing who you are offer numerous benefits:

    Access to Hidden Wisdom: Your wisdom is discovered once you ask yourself challenging questions. Residing within this wisdom are gems in the form of thought connections, fresh insights and rich realizations.

    Decision-Making is Uncomplicated: The reason people struggle with decisions is because they are in conflict with options that do not fit their belief system or core values. Knowing who you are gives you tremendous foresight.

    No Longer Blind to Opportunities: Looking through unclear or uncertain lenses (confusion about self) makes it impossible to notice opportunities. Developing your core capacities lets you see more of the opportunities that are right for you and your future.

    What You Want Becomes Visible: Many people live a life that was created by someone else. And during that time you lose sight of what you want because you lost track of who you were. What you want comes into your line of vision because youve taken the steps to finding your true self-identity. Having self knowledge is allows you to choose what you want and create work that is aligned with you.

    www.Karen-Keller.com

  • How to Develop the Influential Person Inside YouThere are seven traits that all influential people possess; confidence, commitment, courage, passion, empowering, trustworthiness and likeability. In fact, every person on the planet has these seven traits and how you express them is unique to you.

    Heres a close look at the seven traits of influential people.

    Confidence is having the whatever-it-takes attitude. This is your mental attitude of believing in, trusting in and relying on yourself and your abilities.

    Commitment is the underlying force behind achievement. It determines if you will receive everything that is out there for you.

    Courage is your strength or determination to face difficult circumstances head on.

    Passion is the gift of your spirit put together will all of your life experiences. It is the expression of your enthusiasm and your eagerness.

    Empowering is how well you share knowledge and information with peers and the rewards you extend to people who make a contribution.

    Trustworthiness is a high virtue. It means another person can place their trust in you and feel secure.

    Likeability is more than being friendly. Its your capacity to create positive attitudes in people around you.

    Each of these traits together can increase your potential to be influential. However, understanding your level within each trait, bringing them together to work in conjunction with each other and mastering each of them, separately and as a whole will explode your potential to be influential!

    www.Karen-Keller.com

    Know yourself fearlessly (even quietly) for all the things you are.

    ~Aberjhani~

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    Mastering these seven influence traits will not only make you more influential, it will change the course of your entire life.

    And the first step to creating that change is to start where influential leaders start with self-knowledge. You need to know where you are strong and what needs improvement. This is about digging deep and recognizing that among the seven influence traits youre probably not aware of how well developed your traits are at this very moment.

    Once youve identified your current level of each of these seven traits you can pinpoint where to begin. You can determine how to utilize each of these traits to become a more influential person overall and truly begin to affect those around you and redirect circumstances in your favor. The power will finally be in your hands to exert influence in any situation in which you find yourself.

    Are you ready to take a closer look at your own seven traits and find out how influential you truly are?

    The Keller Influence Indicator AdvantageAfter more than 20 years of study and research, and testing various traits in a ground-breaking study with hundreds of influential people in different roles from a wide range of industries, Karen Keller International, Inc. developed the Keller Influence Indicator (KII pronounced kay-two). This is the first scientifically designed assessment intended to give you a benchmark of where you are on each of these seven traits and then offers guidance for developing each one in an in-depth report!

    Although these seven traits are universal everyone has them - its important to keep in mind that these seven traits are not a one-size-fits-all. Each trait is measured giving you your unique level where you stand on each

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    trait. This measurement is unique to you and your needs. It puts you in control of where you want to concentrate your attention.

    You determine which trait to work on and what needs to be done. The KII provides you a benchmark from which to build.

    The KII helps you avoid assumptions or guesses about your strengths and those specific areas where you may need to improve.

    The KII has been widely tested, and is rapidly becoming the tool of choice among people who want to increase their influence. The KIIs proprietary algorithm produces an overall influence score called the K-Factor. The K-Factor is a measure of the degree to which you are leveraging all your influence traits. A K-Factor score will range between 0 to 100. The higher your K-Factor, the more well-developed your influence traits thereby increasing your potential to be influential.

    With your K-Factor you now have a benchmark that lets you track your progress over time. You see, unlike other tools that measure personality characteristics or style preferences (which cannot change), the KII shows you how much of your influence capacity youre using. And you can always increase your influence potential! Youll also read in your in-depth custom report and learn how well developed each of your influence traits are in comparison to the general population.

    With your K-Factor, now you can create a plan to strengthen the influence traits that need it and learn how to better tap into the traits you possess that are already very strong.

    Find out now where you are on these seven scales.

  • www.Karen-Keller.com

    Measuring your potential for influence will be life-altering. Are you ready to take that first step and begin assessing your current level of influence? Click on the KII logo below to access the Keller Influence Indicator.

    For more great resources, advice and information that will help you better understand the seven traits and tap into your own influential strengths, follow Dr. Karen Keller on the following social media platforms:

    Feel free to share this document.

    About the Author: Dr. Karen Keller has her Ph.D. in clinical psychology and her Master Certified Coach certification with the International Coach Federation. Dr. Keller has a diverse background that consists of developing and leading integrated change and strategies for large and small companies, leaders and entrepreneurs, and individual people who want to gain control of their life. Find out more about the KII at www.Karen-Keller.com.