How to manage stress, change and anger

Personnel Department

Medical Services Division: Psychology Section

213/473-6958

Uncertainty about the budget Lack of consensus on a plan (Mayor, City

Council, City Depts, Public Safety, Unions) Layoffs—how many, who, when ERIPs—how many, who, when Furloughs – how many hours/days; money

lost What our tasks will be if we remain employed What our Depts will look like through and

after the transitions

Receiving information that Comes too slowlyIs incompleteIs inaccurateIs unpredictable (organic; erratic)Is sensitive or confidential

Downsizing or layoff stress differs from other types of workplace stress..

You can’t change your work performance to stop it

Beyond immediate control of ManagementAffects wider percentage of the workforceCan be long-lasting and may reoccur Invades the home/everyone asks about it

Stressor◦Fear of losing our job and/or◦Ability to care for ourselves

Which can lead to◦Lack of trust in management ◦Lack of trust in co-workers◦Lack of respect for boss and/or City

Uncertainty is more stressful than hearing bad news

People thrive on predictability and control.

We are built to resist change. We have scripts we live by.

We look for answers—Wherever we can find them

We may precipitate an “ending” to stop the uncertainty

Or refuse to think about it at all

It feels like

anemotional

roller coaster

Trouble concentrating on the job◦ More inward focus leads to more errors and

accidents Wasted time/decreased productivity

◦ Lack of energy/motivation◦ Distractibility◦ Higher absenteeism

Delayed decisions◦ Resistance against management decisions◦ Pessimism

Worry/anxiety Withdrawal/sense of loneliness Increase in substance use Can lead to family problems/health

problems

Increased stress impacts mood, sleep,

physical health, behavior

Change =Loss = Grief

Grieving process begins with threat of loss Loss can lead to sadness/depression Failure to acknowledge and prepare for

grief can result in morale and productivity problems

Loss (for some) of… Predictability Trust Wages and benefits Role as worker and provider Control over one’s life Structure of daily life The work family

Anger is an emotion that often propels us to move toward the source

Perceived unfairness Inability to reach our goals Reaction to THREAT Perceived lack of caring or thoughtfulness Shame/sense of failure/guilt

Irritability Negative attitude toward work Potential for aggression, sabotage For those not laid off--anger/resentment

about redistribution of labor

Don’t Be Mad at ME Responding to Anger

You behave the way you do because of who you are.

I behave the way I do because the situation makes me.

Angry people want two things…

They want to BE HEARD ◦They want you to LISTEN TO THEM◦They want acknowledgement◦They want reassurance◦They want you to take them seriously

They want you to FIX THE PROBLEM◦They want financial security◦They want the job to get done◦They want you to do what they want,

when they want it

Ask the purpose of their call or visit Always introduce yourself and your role Establish rapport Acknowledge the difficult times Ask diversionary questions Try to give choices Ask how they’ve dealt with similar situations

in the past Provide City resources

FIRST acknowledge the feelings and upset of the other person.oOnce the person starts to calm down,

THEN move to solving the problem

Always listen before providing any kind of answer.

◦Ask questions to gain greater clarification. ◦Restate their problem to them. ◦Find an area of agreement and tell them

they are right.

Take it seriously, but don’t take it personally

Others will likely focus their frustration at you.

You might feel personally attacked. You might want to defend yourself. Don’t defend yourself by attacking back

What seems like a call to fight

is often a plea for assistance.

Angry people may get “in your face” They want you to be “on their side” Find a way to “join” with them

◦ Empathize, agree or pretend you do Once you are side-by-side, you can work

together

Emotions can be contagious

Hostility often begets more hostility Empathize, but don’t join in Diffuse the emotion by remaining calm

and reasonable Be patient

Don’t shame or blame Avoid accusations Ask, don’t demand Don’t interrupt

Keep your body language relaxed

Use the angry person’s name

Find a way to say, “You’re Right”

Get the person to articulate what

problem resolution would look like in this specific case.

Occurs about five minutes after the person has gotten mad.

People cling to the resentment. A few minutes after you think it’s over,

their anger might return. Expect this and stay calm.  The second snap is about them having the

final say.  Don’t feed or fuel it.

Most Anger Does Not Lead to Physical Aggression.

However, be alert to…◦ Immediate threat of physical harm◦ Endangering of lives◦ Weapons◦ Someone making a direct threat◦ Someone expressing suicidal or homicidal

feelings

panic

Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.

Don’t block their way or prevent exit, or you may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

Take off the heat rather than increasing the pressure!

Don’t insist on solving the problem “now” when the other person is in an agitated state.

Even though a choice, person may not

really be ready for retirement.

May have lived to work instead of

worked to live.

Loss of predictability Loss of role as worker and provider Loss of structure of daily life Loss of the work family Difficulty knowing what to say to those who

are being laid off when retirees had a choice

People “disappear”—here one day, gone the next

As people retire, they often take with them the history of the Dept. and the accumulated knowledge/culture.

Others are often left to perform their tasks without necessary training or mentoring.

Many of the experienced staff who retire were the mentors--the ones others went to for advice or guidance.

We cannot always control what comes our way.

We can only control how we respond to it.

Practice Practice PatiencPatienc

ee

One moment of patience may ward off a great

disaster. One moment of

impatience may ruin a whole life.

Normalize/maintain structure◦Focus on what you can control◦Create a schedule and stick to it◦Compartmentalize job search--balance◦Exercise, eat sensibly, focus on

remaining healthy◦Take time in making big decisions◦Monitor distractibility (driving, forms,

etc.)

Don’t give into negative emotions◦ Be aware of your emotions and label them◦ Channel anger into positive action

Update resume, job search plan, job assistance resources

◦ Don’t blame yourself—many are sharing this crisis with you

Take care of heart, head and soul

Share with family◦ Family picks up on mood. ◦ Keep your emotional center.◦ Be prepared for changing roles in family.◦ Talk to your children; involve them appropriately.

Reach out to others◦ Make a list of people who can be supportive.◦ Don’t be embarrassed to talk about the situation.◦ Don’t be afraid to “not” talk about it.

Start getting rid of debtSimplifyStart saving money for lean

times—emergency fundsFind value in activities that don’t

cost money

Cutting back in spending enables people to rediscover the value in other

things

Identify what you can and cannot control

Don’t be surprised if you feel unmotivated and unhappy

Manage your emotions◦ Don’t let anger, resentment, anxiety

reduce productivity or justify poor service◦ Keep to your routines◦ Be considerate of each other

Encourage collaboration◦ Assist each other in your changing work

roles◦ Be willing to give suggestions◦ Recognize the complexities of

management decisions If possible, start new projects

◦ People are often energized by new ideas and fresh starts

We are in this together

Defining moment for You◦“Why me?” becomes “Why not me?”◦You may feel more productive, efficient, and

energized by the current crisis.◦You may not like the job you are assigned,

but it may teach you marketable skills.◦You might choose to take this opportunity to

pursue a new endeavor, a dream, a passion.

When one door closes, another opens.

But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we

don’t see the one that has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

Keep your sense of humor

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King Jr.

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. Swami Satchidananda

  A successful man is one who can lay a firm

foundation with the bricks others throw at him. David Brinkley