EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

How to Work with People WhoArent Good at Working withPeopleby Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

MAY 26, 2015

Twenty five years after the term emotional intelligence was first introduced by

academics, thousands of independent scientific studies have highlighted the importance of

managing your own and others emotions in relation to career success, job performance,

entrepreneurship, and leadership.

But research suggests that people with low EQ, as emotional intelligence is often called,

may not realize what important skills they lack. Indeed, studies have shown that all of us

are better at evaluating others EQ than judging our own, but that this is especially true

when we have low EQ: because EQ also includes the capacity for self-knowledge.

Although lower EQ people are generally less rewarding to deal with they are grumpier,

more negative, and more erratic than average there will be many circumstances where

we have to deal with low EQ individuals. Given the difficulties this can entail, it may be

useful to keep in mind the following, evidence-based recommendations for managing

those situations effectively:

Be gentle. Just because someone is unpleasant doesnt mean you have to respond withunpleasantness or ostracize them. In fact, you can become a stabilizing and calmingagent for low EQ people if you make an effort to act politely and kindly in yourinteractions with them. Remember that having a lower EQ is psychologically taxing, notjust for others but the low EQ individuals themselves. They are often fighting innerdemons and riddled with existential angst the academic euphemism for this isemotional labor. So, dont make them work even harder. Instead, you can brighten themup and make their lives seem a little simpler, safer, and happier, or at least less anxious.Conversely, if you react in a negative way they will perceive you as a psychologicalthreat and source of stress. Kindness and positivity go a long way with everyone, buteven more so with emotionally unintelligent people. Yes, some people lack soft skills,but being hard on them is not the solution. On the contrary, tact and delicacy are neededparticularly with those who are less capable of displaying those very qualities.

Be explicit. In particular, avoid social subtleties, or you will be misinterpreted. Low EQindividuals are generally less capable of reading between the lines and their ability todecode others intentions is typically limited. As Professor Simon Baron-Cohen noted,they are quite similar to the stereotypical engineer or professor: disinterested innonverbal communication, non-empathetic, and somewhat detached from interpersonalcontact; happiest when on their own or interacting with their own thoughts rather thanpeople. Baron-Cohens spectrum theory posits that cognitive skills often increase at theexpense of social skills (take this brief test to find out where you fall).

Be rational. Although low EQ people often behave in irrational ways, so does everyoneelse. Furthermore, the only antidote to emotionality is rationality, which starts by beingaware of your own biases, being data-driven, and accepting the possibility that you may

be wrong. When dealing with low EQ individuals, remember that they are more likely tofall prey to their own emotions than most people are, so, rather than trying tomanipulate them by engaging them emotionally, you can gain their trust by being thevoice of reason and developing a reputation for being logical. This will not just enableyou to persuade them in the short run, but also influence them in the long run. The mainpoint is that even if emotional persuasion works with them, there are moral reasons fornot going down that path.

Do not get offended. One of the common characteristics of emotionally unintelligentindividuals is their bluntness. They have low interpersonal sensitivity and find it hard toempathize with others, which is why they may come across as politically incorrect oroverly direct. On the upside, this makes them quite transparent. You can usually seeright through them and they tend to mean what they say, and say what they mean. Thekey, then, is not to take things personally. They may not operate within the realm ofconventional etiquette, but you can still find a way of dealing with them and helpingthem deal with you.

Finally, remember that just ashigh EQ is not always a blessingfor example, it says

nothing about a persons reasoning ability, expertise, or ambition it is not the end of the

world if you yourself are the one with low EQ. This may sound odd, because EQ has

become a very loaded term todayperhaps even more than IQ. However, there is a bright

side to low EQ, and a dark side to high EQ. Low EQ individuals are often more passionate,

creative, and self-critical than their higher EQ counterparts. And higher EQ individuals can

be complacent, smug, and overly optimistic compared to their low-EQ counterparts.

While interventions to boost EQ are often successful, people have limited control over their

personalities, and each personality will confer more strengths in some situations than in

others. The current enthusiasm about emotional intelligence can obscure the fact that

plenty of brilliant and successful people, from Friedrich Nietzsche to Steve Jobs, had lower

EQand that these people are also capable of rewarding relationships, even with their

work colleagues.

Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic is an international authority on personalityprofiling, talent management, and people analytics. He is the CEO of Hogan Assessment

Systems and a Professor of Business Psychology at University College London (UCL) and

Columbia University.

This article is about EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

FOLLOW THIS TOPIC

Comments

Leave a Comment

P O S T

REPLY 0 0

8 COMMENTS

Josef Rosenfeld 2 hours ago

When I started to read this article, I thought that its premise would be different, as I have an interestingadult in my scout troop who is difficult, I was hoping for some insight. what I discovered however, was anarticle that discussed mainly traits of people with Aperger's Syndrome, who have no real control over theircondition and must develop tools to fit into what has been deemed to be 'normal.'

The traits described in the article would describe the following people: Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, AlbertEinstein, Tesla, Temple Grandin, not to mention many other leaders in their fields - whose low EQ wouldmake them hard to work with.

In one of Temple Grandin's TED talks she alludes to the idea that without these low EQ people, people withAsperger's, and other high functioning autists, everyone would be happily socializing with one another incaves, because no one came up with the idea for houses, electricity or any other things, processes or ideasto move civilization forward.

Perhaps, it makes more sense to understand and work with these low EQ people, than try to get them tounderstand and work with us.

POSTING GUIDELINES

We hope the conversations that take place on HBR.org will be energetic, constructive, and thought-provoking. To comment, readers mustsign in or register. And to ensure the quality of the discussion, our moderating team will review all comments and may edit them for clarity,length, and relevance. Comments that are overly promotional, mean-spirited, or off-topic may be deleted per the moderators' judgment.All postings become the property of Harvard Business Publishing.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION