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Founded in 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union
FEUX STOLEN! Mystery surrounds the disappearance from all over
College of about three thousand copies of last Friday's
FEUX.
FELIX was distributed in the usual manner between
5:00am and 7:00am on Friday morning. Shortly before
11:00am it became apparent that there were no copies
left at the distribution points, whilst few students were
carrying copies.
I n v e s t i g a t i o n s b y F E L I X staf f r e v e a l e d t h a t cop ies h a d been
r e m o v e d en masse f r o m messengers desks a n d o t h e r p laces that
F E L I X h a d b e e n p l a c e d e a r l i e r o n i n t h e m o r n i n g . N o
messenger , h o w e v e r , was a b l e to i d e n t i f y w h o h a d r e m o v e d the
cop ies .
T h e i m m e d i a t e c o n c l u s i o n w a s t h a t F E L I X h a d b e e n
c o n f i s c a t e d b y the C o l l e g e d u e to the c o n t e n t i o u s n a t u r e o f s ome
o f the a r t i c l e s . O n F r i d a y m o r n i n g , t h o u g h , m o s t o f t h e
a d m i n i s t r a t o r s i n S h e r f i e l d w h o w o u l d be l i k e l y to h o l d the
a u t h o r i t y to c on f i s ca te a U n i o n p u b l i c a t i o n o n b e h a l f o f the
C o l l e g e w e r e p r e p a r i n g for that m o r n i n g ' s m e e t i n g o f the
G o v e r n i n g B o d y .
A n o t h e r p o p u l a r t h e o r y w a s t h a t F E L I X h a d been t a k e n b y
s o m e o n e w h o felt p e r s o n a l l y o l f e n d e d by the contents . T h e
g r o u p was r a t h e r l a r g e . T h e p r i m e suspects w e r e C o l l e g e
F r e e m a s o n s w h o w i s h e d to k e e p t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s f r o m the
a t t e n t i o n o f n o n - M a s o n s . C a p t a i n L i n d l e y r e c e i v e d s e v e r a l
u n f a v o u r a b l e m e n t i o n s , b u t l a te o n F r i d a y m o r n i n g he h a d h a d
n o i d e a w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d , a n d in a n y case, it is not t h o u g h t
he has the o r g a n i s a i t o n a l a b i l i t y to success fu l ly r e m o v e F E L I X
w i t h o u t b e i n g n o t i c e d . O t h e r suspects i n c l u d e d the R e c t o r .
R C S M a s c o t r y ( w h o r e c e i v e d a n u n f a v o u r a b l e repor t in w h i c h
it was p o i n t e d o u t t h a t o n e of the g r o u p w h o h a d m a d e a n
a t t e m p t to b r e a k i n to the M i n e s B u i l d i n g , h a d been p r e v i o u s l y
c h a r g e d w i t h thef t ) , V i c t o r M o o n e y , w h o t h o u g h t the a r t i c l e o n
h i m r e p r e s e n t e d the o p i n i o n o f the E d i t o r , r a t h e r t h a n that o f
most o f the C o l l e g e , o r e v e n a R a g stunt f r o m o u t s i d e C o l l e g e .
M o s t o f these p o s s i b i l i t i e s c a n be d i s m i s s e d f a i r l y eas i ly . It it
w e r e a n a t t e m p t b y s o m e o n e i n C o l l e g e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n o f
a c a d e m i c s t a f f t o s m o t h e r F E L I X d u e to r e f e r e n c e s to
F r e e m a s o n r y , it w a s n o t success ful as messengers kept t o p i c s
b a c k to s e n d v i a the i n t e r n a l m a i l to a c a d e m i c s t a l l . A l s o
F E L I X staf f l a t e r d i s t r i b u t e d cop ies that h a d been r e t a i n e d , to
offices i n the S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g . T h i s d i s t r i b u t i o n was a l l o w e d
to go a h e a d , w h i c h m i g h t i n d i c a t e that n o - o n e there w i s h e d
F E L I X n o t to be w i d e l y r e a d .
I f s tudents w e r e to h a v e r e m o v e d the m a j o r i t y o f copies o f
F E L I X they w o u l d h a v e n e e d e d a s u b s t a n t i a l a m o u n t o f
c u n n i n g to h a v e a v o i d e d the messengers i n so m a n y p lac es , a n d
to take cop ies a w a y w i t h o u t b e i n g s p o t t e d b y a n y o n e else. A l s o ,
a g r o u p o f say ten p e o p l e c o u l d h a v e r e m o v e d a h a n d f u l o f
c op ies at a t i m e , w i t h o u t a r o u s i n g s u s p i c i o n .
L e a v i n g as ide the p r a c t i c a l i t i e s o f the thef t , there is the
q u e s t i o n o f m o t i v e . It has a l r e a d y b e e n suggested t h a t c e r t a i n
p e o p l e o r g r o u p s o f p e o p l e w e r e o f f e n d e d b y the c o n t e n t s o f
F E L I X a f ter h a v i n g seen it on Friday morning. A s w e l l as t h i s ,
S t e v e M a r s h a l l , F E L I X E d i t o r , has a n g e r e d m a n y s t u d e n t s
t h r o u g h o u t h is f o u r years at C o l l e g e . It m a y h a v e been d e c i d e d ,
e v e n m o n t h s ago , that the last issue w o u l d be s to l en as a n aet o f
" r e v e n g e " , i n o r d e r to f rus t ra te M r M a r s h a l l .
T h i s i m m a t u r e ac t has c a u s e d a lot o f d i f f i c u l t y . F E L I X has
h a d to be r e p r i n t e d a n d the e s t i m a t e d cost to the U n i o n is i n
excess o f £ 4 0 0 l o r m a t e r i a l s a l o n e (p lus p e r m a n e n t s ta f f s wages ) .
T h e o u t s i d e p a y i n g a d v e r t i s e r s , M i d l a n d B a n k , w e r e also
d e p r i v e d o f p u b l i c i t y . S t e a l i n g F E L I X is c o n t r a r y to S e c t i o n 1
o f the T h e f t A c t (1968) . T h e m a x i m u m sentence is s even y e a r s '
i m p r i s o n m e n t a n d u p t o £ 2 0 0 c o m p e n s a t i o n . I f t h e
d i s a p p e a r a n c e o f F E L I X was a s t u d e n t p r a n k , t h e n it is n o t
e x p e c t e d that s u c h a n e x p l a n a t i o n w o u l d s o u n d p a r t i c u l a r l y
h u m o r o u s i n C o u r t . A l t h o u g h F E L I X is free, it is c l e a r that it is
t h e U n i o n ' s p r o p e r t y , a n d t h a t it is d i s t r i b u t e d o n t h e
u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h a t o n l y o n e o r t w o a r e t a k e n b y e a c h s t u d e n t
a n d that it is not to be c a r r i e d a w a y i n b u l k .
M r J o h n P a s s m o r e , I C U P r e s i d e n t , c o n d e m n e d the ' ' s i l l y
waste o i U n i o n m o n e y " . H e was a s t o u n d e d w h e n t o l d a b o u t it
at G o v e r n i n g B o d y . U n i o n d i s c i p l i n a r y a c t i o n w o u l d be t a k e n
aga ins t those w h o p e r p e t r a t e d the theft , i f they w e r e s tudents .
Editorial Comment
I b e l i e v e th i s theft to h a v e been p e r p e t r a t e d b y a s m a l l g r o u p o f
s tudents at th is C o l l e g e w h o , no d o u b t , feel j u s t i f i e d in t h e i r
a c t i o n s . T h i s is i n d i c a t i v e o f t h e i r m e n t a l i t y .
S t e a l i n g F E L I X has q u a s h e d a l l o f the t w o w e e k ' s h a r d w o r k
p r e p a r i n g a r t w o r k a n d text a n d t h e p r i n t i n g i t se l f for a b u m p e r ,
c o l o u r f u l , e n d - o f - y e a r issue. T h i s issue is p r a c t i c a l l y the s a m e as
the o r i g i n a l o n l y it has been q u i c k l y p r i n t e d ( w i t h n o co l ours ) i n
s m a l l e r n u m b e r to ensure t h a t it is d i s t r i b u t e d as early as
poss ib le .
I a m d e t e r m i n e d to i d e n t i f y those r e s p o n s i b l e a n d t h e n I w i l l
i n f o r m the p o l i c e , as the m a t t e r is b e i n g dea l t w i t h i n t e r n a l l y b y
M r R e e v e s , the C h i e f S e c u r i t y O f f i c e r , at the m o m e n t . It w i l l
o n l y be a m a t t e r o f t i m e before t o n g u e s start w a g g i n g
No. 588 (Second Edition) Friday, June 19,1981 Free!
Dear Sir
I must apologise to J M u r p h y
and anybody else too stnpicl lo
see through my 's l ip of the pen ' in
describing the arms industry as
' l a b o u r i n t e n s i v e ' i n (he last
C N D c o l u m n . It is of course
capital - intensive, and equivalent
investment in many other indus
tries such as housing a n d energy
c o n s e r v a t i o n c reates l a r m o r e
j obs . H e n c e t h e c o n n e c t i o n
b e t w e e n the a r m s r a c e a n d
unemployment .
M u r p h y brings out the tired
o l d c h e s t n u t , a n d accuses I C
E N D o f b e i n g c o m m u n i s t s .
W e ' r e s u p p o r t e d by p e o p l e
r a n g i n g f r o m the left to the
centre, i n c l u d i n g I C Catho l i c
C h a p l a i n c y , a n d w e a d o p t
neither a pro-Soviet nor pro-
N A T O stance. O n a nat ional
scale the entire Q u a k e r move
ment is in C N D — h a r d l y c om
munists. T u accuse us ol being
c o m m u n i s t s is as s t u p i d a n d
irrelevant as i f I were to accuse
t h e v o c i f e r o u s r i g h t i n t h e
College of being neo-Nazis or
a s s o c i a t e d w i t h the N a t i o n a l
Front ; a suggestion from w h i c h
I 'm sure they would recoil i l l
horror.
Bear ing in m i n d the above.
M u r p h y ' s imp l i ca t i on that we
are intel lectually hand i capped is
a joke. 1 have yet to see any a n t i -
C N D w r i t e r b a c k his o r he i
a r g u m e n t s w i t h re f e rences to
a n y t h i n g concrete (our leaflets
always contain references); the
standard technique o f M u r p h y
and Benita C o r t a z z i is personal
insult and l ibellous accusation.
So whose is the intel lectual
handicap?
1 ours
Ian Heavens
B A (Hons) (Cantab)
Phvsics P G
I C C N D G r o u p
Dear Sir
W e were very surprised to sec
that you d o n ' t t h i n k we are
boring, it's so nice to know. We
do not agree however, we think
that the students are very boring,
a n d that F E L I X is too. T h e
standards are so low these days.
T h e letter Irom Messrs H a y w a r d
and H o l l i c is a pr ime example.
It is meaningless piffle, it says
nothing. W e do not consider that
this sort of puri le rubbish (which
was late anyway) is the sort of
th ing which should be published
i n a p a p e r w h i c h s u p p o s e d l y
caters for a selection of the most
intelligent people in the country.
So m u c h for an active letters
page.
It is a lso o u r o p i n i o n that
F I T , I X relies on too many over
worked cliches. T h e 'jokes' are
always the same. T h e C a p t a i n
L i n d l e y joke is a case in point: we
a s k e d h i m b o w m a n y t i m e s
F E L I X had used this joke, and
he said " I don't know, I don't
stand and count ' em, and it's not
up to me to count them e i ther . "
Q E D . C a n we have an interest
ing F E L I X please?
W e d o h o p e t h a t y o u a r e
keeping wel l , a n d that you enjoy
your hol iday.
Yours sincerely
J o h n H o l l i e , Zoo 2
D a v i d H a v w a r d , Biochem 2
Dear Sir
I should l ike to say that whatever
everybody else thinks. I for one
actual ly enjoyed reading F E L I X
this year. In a Col lege where
n o t h i n g e v e r h a p p e n s it is
o b v i o u s l y d i f f i c u l t to r u n a
n e w s p a p e r a n d p e r s o n a l l y I
w o u l d m u c h rather read about
Bob Pegg sell ing out than bor ing
r u b b i s h a b o u t b o r i n g U n i o n
allairs . I have also observed that
t h e p r i n c i p a l a c t i v i t y o f I C
students (apart from dr inking)
seems to be m a k i n g groundless
insults about each other. It would
t h e r e f o r e seem l o g i c a l f or a
representative newspaper to do
the same e s p e c i a l l y s ince the
letters pages are f i l led, week-in
week-out, w i th verbal attacks on
t h e e d i t o r . ( I t s t r i k e s m e .
i n c i d e n t a l l y , t h a t s u c h let ters
wou ld never be pr inted in any
other newspaper.) H o w many of
these c l i t i cs oi ler to write articles
themselves? O r better s t i l l , go out
a n d do something newsworthy. A
spectacular suicide w o u l d make a
good story, a n d I can think of
several people who would benefit
from d o i n g just that. F i n a l l y ,
since so many people have taken
a stand against your comments
about V i c t o r M o o n e y . a l l I can
say is: i l G o d had intended us to
eat Mooneys , he wou ld not have
g iven us tastebuds.
f ours
E d g a r Shave II (anag,
Phvsics abandoned
Dear Mr Marsha/I
I believe your friend calls you
Steve, at the end of M a y a group
of bor ing students in the middle
of equally bor ing exams went to
C h i s w i c k A m a t e u r Regatta and
won not just one race but in a
staid unexci t ing fashion won the
c o m p e t i t i o n by b l a s t i n g the
opposition by more than two
boa t l e n g t h s i n e v e r y r a c e .
A m a z e d by their own mediocrity
the I C Novice F o u r submitted a
suitably r idiculous article whi ch ,
despite the fact that I d i d not
w r i t e i t , y o u c o n s i d e r e d too
bor ing for print .
If being insult ing is the only
way to get into F E L I X then I
think you're a sod.
1 ours higheadedly
N u m b e r 3
Dear Sir
Today the Brit ish Government is
reaping the rewards of a policy of
c o n t i n u a l l y b a c k i n g u p (be
Loyalist people in Ire land.
Throughout the centuries the
Loyalists have bad their way.
Whenever they demanded any
th ing they got it. eg when they
wanted to d iv ide Ireland they
w e r e b a c k e d by the B r i t i s h
Government , or whenever they
d id not agree to power-sharing
wi th the Catho l i c minor i ty , they
opposed it and had their way.
B r i t a i n , w i th this pol icy has
succeeded in creating one of the
most reactionary and bigoted
groups of people in the wor ld ; the
L o y a l i s t s o f N I r e l a n d i n a
spectrum of racism and bigotry
wou ld be classified wi th other
racists and fascists such as the K u
K l u x K l a n or Nazis . (For further
reading on this aspect read The
Protestants of I Isler by Geoffrey
Be l l , a l iberal Protestant from X
Ireland. T h i s book analyses the
Loyal ist mental i ty and is a must
for anyone t ry ing to understand
the X Ireland situtation.)
In the early part of this century
the Loyal ists were handed the
r e i n s o l g o v e r n m e n t o l t h e
a r t i f i c i a l l y c r e a t e d state o f N
Ireland. T h i s slate was charac
terized by O r a n g e Pogroms, slate
violence and massive d i s c r i m i n a
tion against the minor i ty c om
muni ty , not to ment ion rule by
the same party lor fifty years.
T h e tone o f r e p r e s s i o n i n X
Ireland may be guaged Irom the
tact that M r Vorstere, the South
A f r i c a n m i n i s t e r for j u s t i c e
w i s h e d in 1963 for " j u s t one
clause in the X Ireland Special
Powers A c t " in exchange lor a l l
his own coercive legislation.
Ii was no suprise to read the
i oritenls of M r Boucher 's letter in
last week's F E L I X . M r Boucher 's
I n l e i c o n t a i n s t h a t c u r i o u s
mixture of untruths, distorting ol
r e a l i t y , p a r a n o i a c o n c e r n i n g
unfavourable op in ion of their
"wee U l s t e r ' and tunnel vision
with respcel to Republ i cans , that
is pecul iar to the Ulster Loyal ist
species
M r Boucher 's statement " t h a i
Loyalist paramil i tar ies have only
d e v e l o p e d in response to the
G o v e r n m e n t ' s n o n - c o m m i t t e d
actions in N I r e l a n d . " is untrue.
T h e Brit ish Government began
direct rule in 1972 and the U V F
were m u r d e r i n g innocent C a t h o
lics in 1966. eg Gusty Spence,
leader of the U V F , is at present
s e r v i n g a l i f e s e n t e n c e l o r
m u r d e r i n g a Catho l i c in 1966.
Furthermore , has M r Boucher
never heard of the ' B ' specials, a
s ta le c o n t r o l l e d p a r a m i l i t a r y
organisation disbanded by the
Brit ish Government embarrassed
by their murderous activities?
M r Boucher 's ignorance of the
situation is further exemplif ied
by the s t a t e m e n t that " t h e s e
Loyalists arc not well a r m e d " .
The Loyalists own the vast bulk
o f the ' 1 0 4 . 0 0 0 l e g a l l y h e l d
firearms eertilieates in N Ireland,
and have a total monopoly on
rifle dubs . In 1974 the I ' D A
boasted of hav ing 50.000 men.
T h e U D R currently have 7.000
l u l l and part-t ime members, the
R U C have 8 .000 . the B r i t i s h
A r m y h a v e 1 1 . 6 0 0 . not to
mention the U F F , the U V F , the
O r a n g e V o l u n t e e r s , the R e d
H a n d C o m m a n d o e s a n d M r
P a i s l e y ' s ( w h o m M r B o u c h e r
refers to as a moderate) private
a r m y , r e c e n t l y r e v e a l e d to
journalists on a mounta in top.
H o w c a n a n y o n e w i t h a n y
i n t e l l i g e n c e c l a i m t h a t t h e
Loyalists arc not well -armed?
M r Boucher states that the
w o r l d m e d i a a r e c o n s t a n t l y
"get t ing it w r o n g " . Has it ever
occurred to M r Boucher that
p e r h a p s they are " g e t t i n g it
r i g h t " and that his views are not
supported anywhere but in X
Ireland and Britain? T h i s is a
classic symptom of the Loyalist
m e n t a l i t y , d i s b e l i e f i n a n y
derogatory comment about their
"wee U l s t e r " , from the wor ld
press.
F i n a l l y M r Boucher 's state
ment " that most paramil i tar ies '
actions are against R e p u b l i c a n
sympathies" would be laughable
if the situation was not so serious.
As a v i c i m of, and witness to
O r a n g e ogroms and assassination
attempts in the early 1970s in N
I r e l a n d , let me a s s u r e M r
Boucher that the only qual i f i ca
t i o n necessary for m u r d e r by
L o y a l i s t p a r a m i l i t a r i e s i n N
Ireland is the misfortune to have
been born a Cath o l i c . (For an
analysis of mot ivat ion of murders
in N Ire land read Political Murder
in ,Y Ireland, a book publ ished in
the early 1970s.)
I f M r B o u c h e r i n s i s t s o n
w r i t i n g letters let's hope he gets
his facts right next time.
It is obvious to everyone in the
wor ld except the Br i t i sh G o v c r n -
C.'onlinued on page 4.
Women in Hall:
the Final Word The Rector has recently received a petit ion from a n u m b e r ol students
a r g u i n g t h a t the p r o p o s a l s a g r e e d by the S t u d e n t s R e s i d e n c e
Commit tee concerning the redistr ibution of women's places in H a l l s
are contrary to the best interests of women at Imper ia l Col lege.
After consultation w i t h the S R C the Rector is satisfied that the w e l l -
being of women students has been carefully considered. T h e changes
proposed for next session s imply represent the next step in the pol icy
which has been evolved over many years to increase the n u m b e r of
mixed residences in the Col lege and to increase the number of places
for women as their overal l numbers increase, this year i n c l u d i n g the
provision of an add i t i ona l sixteen places in H a l l lor women students.
T h e achievement of a satisfactory balance is difficult a n d w i l l r e m a i n
so unt i l there is a substantial increase in the number of women students
overal l , but it has always been seen that there must be a reasonable
percentage representation of women in any mixed ha l l . N e w m i x e d
halls have been introduced, in the past and as proposed now, by first
increasing the n u m b e r of places allocated to women in exist ing m i x e d
halls and then transferring a block of these places to an a l l -male h a l l .
T h e proposals now made w i l l result in the fo l lowing changes:
B E I T H A L L : Decrease in women's places from 46 to 28 a n d a n
equivalent increase of 18 places for men.
S E L K I R K H A L L : Decrease in women's places from 30 to 24 a n d an
equivalent increase of 6 places lor men.
T I Z A R D H A L L : T o become mixed with 24 women's places and 96
men's places.
W E E K S H A L L : T o become mixed with 16 women's places a n d 50
men's places.
There w i l l be no other changes.
H a v i n g made the decision that T i z a r d and Weeks H a l l s should be
mixed it wou ld be inappropr iate , as the petitioners must realise, to
provide only two or three women's places in each a n d so quotas i n
mult iples of eight have been agreed. O v e r the next few years the
number of women's places w i l l continue to be increased u n t i l it is
possible lor further residences to become mixed . Be i l H a l l , f rom w h i c h
most protests about the proposed redistr ibution have come, w i l l st i l l
have 28 women's places to 87 men's places.
Seats
Pinched O V E R T H E P A S T lour months,
sixty-l ive chairs have disappeared
from the U n i o n L o w e r Refectory.
It is suspected that some have
b e e n d i s t r i b u t e d a r o u n d the
U n i o n , but the m a i n l i n e o f
t h i n k i n g seems to be that Beit
r e s i d e n t s h a v e n i c k e d t h e m .
However , when F E L I X asked a
Beit resident about this al legation,
he t o l d us that t h e r e w a s n ' t
enough room in a Beit room for
extra furniture, and that there
were two c h a i r s a l r e a d y . M r
Reeves (Chie f Security Officer)
would appreciate it if the chairs
could be returned as soon as
possible, otherwise a search w i l l
have to be carr ied out.
Sabbaticals
Fined T w o o f next y e a r ' s p o t e n t i a l
s a b b a t i c a l o f f icers have been
disc ip l ined by Col lege lor their
part in a recent mascotry ra id .
M r Barney M c C a b e , Deputy
P r e s i d e n t - e l e c t , M r M a r c o
L e d w o l d , H o n o r a r y Secretary-
e lec t a n d l o u r o thers (one o f
w h o m has a c r i m i n a l record for
theft) were each l ined £25 i n
connect ion wi th an attempt to
enter the M i n e s B u i l d i n g in M a y .
T h e r a i d went badly wrong , the
mascot was not there, a n d early
on in the r a i d , one member of the
t e a m f e l l a n d w a s k n o c k e d
u n c o n s c i o u s , r e n d e r i n g h i m
i n c a p a b l e o f t a k i n g his f i n a l
exams. Despite this setback, the
rest of the group carr ied on.
FELIX Motor Rally The Annual F E L I X Motor Rally took place on Sunday morning,
with a team from R C S U Motor Club winning by a hair 's breadth.
The Ral ly was due to start with eight teams but lour dropped out at the
last minute lor a variety of reaons. As the Ral ly coincided with the
"Banbury R u n " , this meant that no teams from Guilds were able to enter.
The emphasis from the usual C C U teams was changed this year and a team
from the orchestra, a motorcycle pair, and a team lead by F E L I X Sports
Editor. P h i l Webb, took part, together with the winning R C S U team.
At 9:30am, the teams left the F E L I X Office with their instructions to
plan their route on the pavement. The Ral ly consisted of two parts: dr iv ing
to varied locations around London lo gain specific information and
collecting "treasure" on the way.
Surprisingly, only one team managed to find the club "that might offer
them honorary membership" in Craven Street. This was the "Treasure
Hunters' C l u b " . What about " H o w many took pari in the famous uprising
led by the soldier whose statue in the M a l l overlooks Horseguards Parade: '"
The statue is of the Duke of York. He's the one who had 10,000 men, of
course, but that would only score hall points for the correct answer was
10.001. A Scaramouche clue was " W h a t business at the junction ol Plough
Road and York Road, SW10, is a source of wicked fabrications?" Why . the
candle factory, naturally-
A new idea this year was to ask the teams .to make rubbings of various
plaques. The drain rover near Bclgrave Road inscribed " A Smcl l ie " served
to annoy some Sunday motorists who came across the R C S U team, who
had mistook the cover in the middle of the road lor the correct one.
Unluckiest team of al l was the orchestra one. who incurred penalty
points lor being just three seconds late which lost them the Ral ly . Later
they realised they had not put a wristwateh in the treasure bag—very
ironical.
The results were:
First: R C S U Motor C l u b (Paul Johnson. Spish, Andy Wilson) 120pts.
Seconds: I C S O (Tim Jones. Richard Diekins. Dominic X u d d . Isobel C o l
lins) 118pts
T h i r d : (Phil Webb. M i k e Clil 't . Louise Innes) 9Ipts
Fourth: Motorbike team (Felix O 'Conncr . Karen Lippialt ) 45pts.
Prize: the R C S U team wil l have their names engraved on the Rally pot
in the Union Bar,
Next year's rents Next year's H a l l rents w i l l be:
Singles: Soulhskle, Linstead. gUJBa
Week-
Singles: New Ben £19:50:
Single-: (Jarden. Old Beit, £18.00:
Evelyn (iclns.
9 Princes Gdns
Doubles: l.inslead £10.00:
Doubles: Eyrlyn Gdns. £14.50:
Garden Hal l . Beit
Singles Basemenl
Triples: £11.50.
Byelaw changes
Three changes to I d ' s byelaws,
w h i c h had been passed by two
U n i o n Meetings , were accepted
b y t h e G o v e r n i n g B o d y o n
F r i d a y . M a k i n g the E m s C h a i r
m a n a member of C o u n c i l , and
extending the grounds for Li fe
M e m b e r s h i p w e r e a c c e p t e d
qu i ck ly , though some Governors
s t r o n g l y o p p o s e d a b o l i s h i n g
I C W A . '
Last Aid Last M o n d a y d u r i n g the one day
u n o f f i c i a l s t r i k e by L o n d o n
ambulance men I C R e d Cross
v o l u n t e e r s m a n n e d t w o R e d
C r o s s a m b u l a n c e s b a s e d at
Br ix ton and N o t t i n g H i l l Pol ice
Stat ion for the twenty-four hour
period.
T h e a m b u l a n c e s w e r e to
provide emergency '999' cover i n
conjunction wi th the police, a
po l iceman being assigned to ride
wi th each vehicle.
D u r i n g the twenty-four hour
period our volunteers were ca l led
out to d e a l w i t h e m e r g e n c i e s
vary ing from an injured c h i l d to
a w o m a n g o i n g i n t o l a b o u r .
O n e c a l l was for a "suspected
d e c e a s e d " at S h e p h e r d s B u s h
Green . T h e ambulance ar r ived
to f ind the " d e a d " m a n " d e a d
d r u n k " . H e was taken to hospital
for a check up and then by police
van to " r e cover " in the cells of
Shepherds Bush Pol ice Stat ion .
T h a n k s to a l l the I C R e d Cross
Detachment members who gave
u p t h e i r t i m e to c o v e r t h i s
emergency was expressed by the
E m e r g e n c y C o - o r d i n a t o r at
Scot land Y a r d .
'Nuke
the Reds!'
says Rector Sir H e n r y T i z a r d , Rec to r of I C
1929-1944, led a group w h i c h
submitted plans for an attack on
Russian cities by B r i t a i n using
atomic bombs a n d germ warfare
weapons to the jo int chiefs of staff
technical warfare committee in
1946. These have recently been
found in documents at the P u b l i c
Records Office.
Reports inc luded a list of a l l
Russian cities w i t h a popu lat i on
of m o r e t h a n 100 ,000 w i t h i n
bombing range of Br i t i sh bases.
A total of fifty-eight target
cities m a k i n g up 17.5% of the
Soviet U n i o n ' s u r b a n popu la t i on
lay w i t h i n range of the bases.
T h e committee conc luded that
the most profitable objects of
attack by the new weapons w i l l
normal ly be concentrations of
populat ion , centres of d i s t r i b u
tion a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n . (For
those of you w i t h two " E " s a n d a
" D " , T i z a r d H a l l is named after
Viscount Fa lmouth . )
Continued from /'«.£,''' 2.
ment and the Loyalists that N
Ireland does not work. The only
po l i t i ca l framework that has any
hope ol w o r k i n g is for thu Uls ter
Protestants to take their place as
a natura l minor i ty w i t h i n an A l l -
Ire land context.
F o r this to be achieved the
L o y a l i s t p h e n o m e n o n w h i c h
successive Bri t ish Governments
have created and lor centuries
led and nurtured on a diet of
bigotry a n d hatred, must one day
be faced.
U n t i l that day, more - people
w i l l die, Br i t i sh soldiers, Cathol ics
and Protestants a l l vict ims of the
sad tragic state w h i c h the Brit ish
Government insists on m a i n t a i n
ing despite dai ly evidence that
their insane pol icy does nol work.
1 ours sincerely
G e r r y O ' R e i l l y
.'1 strictly private and confidential
letter
Sir
I w o u l d l ike to be the first to
c o m p l a i n a b o u t y o u r f i n a l
attempt at p r o d u c i n g a humor
ous a n d didascal ic F E L I X , by-
render ing my condemnat ion and
disgust at the way in w h i c h you
h a v e w a s t e d the v a l u a b l e r e
sources put at your disposal, on
such ignominious suttra.
T h e r e c o r d o f y o u r m i s
demeanours speaks for itself. Not
being content wi th produc ing
decadent filth and poltrooneristic
mater ia l to degrade the morals of
the poor student to the lowest of
levels, you have now embarked
upon a concatenation o f three
F E L I C E S into one. T h e purpose
o f this is, no doubt, to al low
yourself more t ime to indulge in
p a s t i m e s o f a m o r e f r i v o l o u s
nature.
I was appa l l ed to read that you .
intend to visit that bastion of
jud ic ia l ponderosity and demo
cracy South A m e r i c a . I w i l l do
my utmost to alert the relevant
authorities in that area to your
intentions and hope that they
w i l l send you to practice your
s u t t e e i s m e l s e w h e r e . R e c e n t
events, however, have shown that
these foreign types seem to have a
l i k i n g for Engl i sh rogues.
A l l things said, I think you're
very funny. I only hope that
M a r k Smith 's perspicaciousness
lives up to that of your own.
Yours sincerely
P a u l D o n o v a n
P S : R u m o u r s that I have only
wr i t ten this letter to prove to you
that I do have grandeur com
m a n d over the Engl i sh language
are totally unfounded and are
without trace of fact. M a y I add
that I wholeheartedly agree wi th
one ' E ' Jarvis ' s correspondence
in the last F E L I X . M e m b e r s of
that irreverent, isopodous inst i tu
t ion , the I F , should really stick to
activities of which more note has
been taken over the years. If any
members of the aforementioned
group f ind themselves w i t h spare
t ime on their hands, then I urge
them in the strongest possible
terms to come and oiler their
services at the F E L I X Office. I
w i l l be most pleased to find use
for their l imbs on the product ion
of the I C U Handbook .
Cher Steve
C o n c e r n a n t c e r t a i n s o e u v r e s
l i t t e r a i r e s r e e e m m e n t parues
(sic-Ed) dans votre publ i cat ion , i l
me semble q u ' i l soit (sic-Ed)grand
temps (sic-Ed) que ees cheres
d e m o i s e l l e s de l ' I F e s s a y e n t
(sic-Ed) d 'atteindre leur soixante-
d ix en steno. et pas tin mot de
moins, plutot que de (sic-Ed)
l e t t res de e o n n e r i e s (sic-Ed).
Cee i , afin (sic-Ed) eviter qu'elles
(sic-Ed) n'aient (sic-Ed) f a i r de
causer par leur c'uls (sic-Ed) (bien
jobs soit-ils (sic-Ed)).
V e u y e z (sic-Ed) agreer, mon
sieur la gueulade de ma tete
vaehment (sic-Ed) soulee.
M i k e K l e y n EFT
P S : C a n I come and see you in
B r a z i l .
Sir
Y o u r current campaign against
the President is disgraceful. I
have frequently been present at
cases in w h i c h J o h n has been
involved , and on every occasion I
was firmly of the op in ion that he
got to the last bottle.
/ am. sir, his obedient servant
J Pettifoger M S e (Wellongong)
Sir
Y o u r current campaign against
t h e P r e s i d e n t is d i s g r a c e f u l .
F E L I X is certainly not a papei I
w o u l d let my wife or servants
read.
lours huh
T h e R e d - B a r o n "
Sherfield B u i l d i n g
I wonder i f any of your readers
have noted the close resemblance
between C a p t a i n Lindley and
Co lone l W h i t e , Supreme C o m
m a n d e r - i n - C h i e f of the Spectrum
O r g a n i s a t i o n i n t h e G e r r y
Anderson puppet series ' C a p t a i n
S c a r l e t ' ? I w o n d e r i l by any
chance thev are related?
S . I . G .
T h e Mvsterons
Captain Lindley
Colonel White
Small Ads • H a c k of the Y e a r — S t e p h e n G o u l d e r .
• F o l d a b l e b i c y c l e , nearly new, V G C ,
£ 4 5 . C o n t a c t M i s s J N e w t o n - M o w e s ,
Mat S c i P G , int 2425.
• Y a m a h a R D 250, fast a n d reliable ,
£ 3 8 0 o n o , q u i c k sale . B r u c e 794-4760.
• L a d i e s C l a u d B u t l e r 5 - s p d b i c y c l e .
H u r e t G e a r s , as n e w (8mths o ld) , £ 9 0 .
P h o n e int 3655 o r 2048.
•10 c u b i c ft B o s c h c h e s t freezer in
e x c e l l e n t c o n d i t i o n , , £ 1 0 0 . P h o n e int
3331 o r 1316 d a y - t i m e o r 589-4332
after 6 p m a n d w e e k e n d s .
• S e l m e r 50w C o m b o A m p £ 7 5 o n o .
C o n t a c t J G r i f f i n , R m 123 M e c h E n g or
int 3556.
• H o w a b o u t B r o a d s t a i r s , K e n t for a
low c o s t s e l f - c a t e r i n g h o l i d a y with
f r i e n d s ? V i c t o r i a n h o u s e , s l e e p s u p to
10, fully e q u i p p e d . N e a r c h a l k cliffs
a n d s a n d y b e a c h e s , g o o d for s w i m
m i n g , c a n o e i n g , w a l k i n g a n d f o s s i l -
h u n t i n g ! P l u s great l o c a l f i sh a n d c h i p
s h o p (37p for c o d a n d c h i p s , M a y ' 8 1 j .
A v a i l a b l e m i d - J u l y a n d all S e p t e m b e r .
M o r e detai ls f r o m S u e , int 2898 or eves
650 4679.
• E n g l i s h for o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s , private
t u i t i o n , o n e - t o - o n e , s m a l l g r o u p s ,
e x p e r i e n c e d t e a c h e r . T e l e p h o n e
Lester 352-1414.
• A b o x of r e c o r d s / t a p e s went m i s s i n g
from the IC R a d i o Of f ice in S o u t h s i d e
in the first week of term of J u n e . T h e
tapes w e r e m y o w n p e r s o n a l p r o p e r t y
a n d c o n t a i n e d m a t e r i a l w h i c h is
i r r e p l a c e a b l e . T h e intrinsic va lue of the
r e c o r d s / t a p e s is very smal l a n d I w o u l d
be grateful for a n y i n f o r m a t i o n l e a d i n g
to their return. D M Fuller, IC Radio
Station Manager.
• A - R e g i s t r a t i o n r e d h e a d s e e k s male
h o r n - p l a y i n g r a b b i t t o p l a y o n
W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g s .
• T o w h o m It m a y c o n c e r n : T h e
o c c u p a n t s of flat 14 w i s h it to be k n o w n
that as of the 19th d a y of J u n e Y e a r of
o u r L o r d M C M L X X X I , t h e y w i l l
h e n c e f o r t h be in r e s i d e n c e at their
r e s p e c t i v e c o u n t r y r e t r e a t s in t h e
A e g e a n , t h e H i g h l a n d s , t h e W e s t
C o u n t r y , the land of the B r i g a n t e s , the
H a r z M o u n t a i n s a n d K n o t t y A s h .
P e r s o n s a t t e m p t i n g to p a r t a k e of
a f t e r n o o n tea at the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d
a b o d e , s u b s e q u e n t to this t e m p o r a l
point , are w a r n e d that they m a y c o m e
into c l o s e p r o x i m i t y with a g i m b a l -
j a w e d l o g o m a n i a c . G i v e n u n d e r o u r
h a n d s : the G o n a d s .
• M i k e R ( G e o l Staff) B e e n s u r p r i s e d
lately? M o r e in s tore? S i g n e d : T h e
G a n g . P S S h a m e a b o u t y o u r K o d a k
f i lm.
• V O T E H E X H A M , for chie f r o c k e n d s .
• G e n u i n e F r e n c h N i g h t c l u b o p e n
da i ly . F o r details , p h o t o s , free s a m p l e s ,
etc, see N i c k C o x , F a l m o u t h 324.
• B o l l a r d s . S e e I M o r r i s C h e m 1.
• Y o u t o o will bel ieve a m a n c a n fly.
S u p e r m a n 3. F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n see
M i k e , R o o m 256 F a l m o u t h .
• R W W q u a l i f i e s f o r a B l a c k - a n d -
D e c k e r thru the k n e e c a p s . L o t s of love
D N W .
• E l e c t r i c a l E n g i n e e r i n g d i e d t o da y .
M a s s r e m e m b r a n c e o v e r the Q u e e n s
( D N W / W e hate s l i m y p r o d u c t i o n s ) .
• B e s t w i s h e s to F l o o r 1. H a p p y returns
for next year , D o u z e .
• A n y r e d port left K e r m i t ? First F l o o r
M u p p e t s .
• W h e r e are y o u h i d i n g m y sweet.
• D o n M o n r o — H a n d s off o u r r e d h e a d .
I C S O B r a s s s e c t i o n .
• N o t e s m i s s i n g ? F o r expert a d v i c e o n
p h o t o c o p y i n g notes , s e e D E l l e m a n ,
R o o m 76 W e e k s H a l l .
• G o o d try N i g e " Y o u r J o k i n g " Walls ;
y o u get three points for a refusal a n d
z e r o for t e c h n i q u e , c h e e r s — L o n g
B l o n d e Hair .
• F o r s e x u a l l y i n h i b i t e d girls , there are
free l e s s o n s with the M i c h e l i n M a n ,
L i n s t e a d A 2 . A n y t i m e , p l e a s e br ing
y o u r o w n t o o t h p i c k s .
• T h e A l l steel B i c y c l e C l u b : P e r s o n s
w i t h 2 c w t s t e e l b i c y c l e w i t h 4 s p d
S t u r m e y A r c h e r a n d integral d y n a m o
h u b w h o are interested in a tour of the
H i g h l a n d s ( m a x s p d 1 0 m p h ) to
o b s e r v e the rare s ight of a g a n n e t at
w o r k s h o u l d c o n t a c t J a m e s S e b a s t i a n
G r a y ( G e o l 2) at o n c e for further
detai ls .
• A n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d i n C R A P . .
( C a m p a i g n for R e a l l y A s t r o n o m i c a l
P e a s a n d beans) c o n t a c t R o n G o u l d -
ing , ext 4130. S o c i e t y m e e t s M o n d a y
e v e n i n g s at six in R o o m 333 new
C h e m i s t r y B u i l d i n g .
• T o the four P h y s i c s L i b r a r y C a r r e l ' s
s w e e t h e a r t s ; p l e a s e r e v e a l m o r e .
S i g n e d the P h y s i c s L i b r a r y C a r r e l ' s
l e c h e r s !
• S i m o n the gay , b a s t a r d , p a e d o p h i l e
g e o l o g i s t (what a player) has s o m e
" B a a a d N e e e w w w s " . T o raise f u n d s he
is h a v i n g to sell his c o l l e c t i o n of fossil
m a g s , v ibrat ing h a m m e r s , inflatable
a m m o n i t e s , etc . First c o m e , first
A p p l y L i n s t e a d H a l l .
• B E 1 invite e v e r y o n e to a G o b - o n - a -
W i m p e v e n i n g . F e a t u r i n g D a v e (Wol len
H a i r d o ) S m o l l e t a n d S l i m e y (Easter
Island) R u s s e l l . M e e t Beit A R e h , 7:30.
P S : U p y o u r s H a r r i s o n !
• P h o t o s h o p S a l e : T h e P h o t o s h o p still
has s o m e 400 a n d 200 A S A E k t a -
c h r o m e f i lm. T h i s will g o o n sale at a
r e d u c e d P h o t o s h o p p r i c e to c lear it o n
Wednesday, June 24, O l d D a r k r o o m .
A l s o o n e or two b l a c k a n d white films
left.
R E V I E W O F T H E Y E A R
Did so little really happen?
I C U ' s year started with a bang (or a smash)
when thieves broke into the Union Office and
stole about £5,000 worth of trophies from the
cabinet. A t that time the Union had been
pressing for better locks and an alarm for the
cabinet, but due to slow moving administration
i n the Estates Dept, headed by M r D C l a r k , no
action had been taken; despite letters from last
year's Deputy President, Malco lm Brain . Even
now, the cabinet is not locked, but an alarm
has been fixed up. It seems unlikely that
Estates will get round to doing anything about
this for some time.
A n o t h e r a r e a w h e r e Rae S n e e , D e p u t y
President, has crossed swords with Estates
has been o v e r S o u t h s i d e s e c u r i t y . A f t e r
Estates had assured her that the work of fitting
new locking doors in the lower levels would be
completed by early M a y , it later transpired that
estimates were still being considered after the
supposed date for completion.
Union Meetings
One area of Un ion politics which has been ot
concern this year, as indeed in most previous
years, has been the low attendance at U G M s .
Out of nine meetings held, five were closed
due to inquoracy. The Freshers ' U G M was
stopped by Steve Goulder , as was a meeting in
the spring term, giving him a reputation as M r
Q u o r u m Caller .
A t the second meeting, motions on overseas
s t u d e n t s a n d G r e e k s t u d e n t s fees were
passed, as was a motion on lecturer training.
T h i s m e e t i n g a l s o p a s s e d a m o t i o n o n
limiting to once a term motions on the same
matter.
Barney McCabe, ICU Deputy President-elect,
stresses a point during the election run-up.
Elections this year were fairly uncontroversial, but
did produce some unexpected candidates.
The third meeting in the first term was well
attended and motions were passed affiliating
C N D and opposing South African sponsored
s t u d e n t s o n n u c l e a r fue l s c o u r s e s . T h e
meeting also passed a motion criticising Steve
Marshall 's recent satirical attacks on Dare
Afolabi and others.
S o o n a f t e r C h r i s t m a s c a m e a n o t h e r
meeting—one of the worst attended, as many
students didn't know about it, or were doing
exams. However the meeting passed a motion
on bicycles before closing due to lack of
business. The next meeting was something of
a mix-up. The date had to be brought forward
hurriedly, after the F E L I X Editor pointed out
to the Exec that bye-law changes given their
first reading before Christmas would be lost if
the next meeting was not held within forty
College days. So the date was changed and the
turnout disappointingly low. This did not stop
the meeting being very heated, as the low
attendance seemed to be blamed on the Exec ,
some of whom reacted angrily.
T h e S a b b a t i c a l H u s t i n g s M e e t i n g c a m e
next. This was very well attended and a motion
of N o Confidence in the F E L I X Editor was
proposed which proved very interesting. The
results meeting was closed due to inquoracy.
In the t h i r d t e r m , b o t h meet ings w e r e
stopped but a motion did get passed on the
Union 's distribution of finances. Thus over the
year eight motions were passed.
The motion on C N D affiliation caused a stir,
as there were legal problems over spending
Union money on matters outside the Union
constitutional powers. The in-phrase at that
time for most of the U n i o n was ultra vires,
whilst for F E L I X it was ejustem generis. This
legal principle showed the limited way in which
the byelaws would be interpreted if tested in
court, and after many telephone calls and
letters from the Union to its solicitors, the
decision was finally taken not to affiliate to
C N D .
Another motion which was part of a larger
campaign by some students in the Union was
that i n v o l v i n g S o u t h A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s o n
nuclear courses here. The College policy is to
allow this, but some students have picketed
G o v e r n i n g B o d y , o r g a n i s e d debates a n d
lobbied the Rector to change this, but without
any apparent success.
One thing to come out of this year's Union
meetings were some changes in the Union
Byelaws. The first, to disband I C W A had been
going through "first readings" for a few years,
but not u n t i l th is t e r m was I C W A final ly
a b o l i s h e d ( s u b j e c t to G o v e r n i n g B o d y ' s
approval).
In October , J o h n Passmore, I C U President,
organised a freshers' concert with N o Dice.
Due to lack of action on his behalf, the concert
lost £500, and John Passmore admitted total
responsibility for the flop, and said "I don't
know what I'll do . . . 1 think I'll resign."
Mark Clegg, Consoc Chairman and PWP Chairman,
strikes an unconventional pose whilst dancing the
night away at No 10.
Edinburgh A w a r d Scheme came in November ,
a n d t h i s r e s u l t e d in M r M o o n e y b e i n g
described as a superb caterer in College, and
Capta in Lindley admitting he didn't know
exactly what was going on. The visitors the
next week were less welcome. They abused
the U n i o n O f f i c e s taf f a n d s t o l e J o h n
P a s s m o r e for a few h o u r s . F r e d S a n g e r ,
double Nobe l prizewinner, came in December ,
and Shirley Williams came in January. She
returned later in the year to inaugurate the
S D P at the College.
In February the Navy came to tell us what
they do, and D r Magnus Pyke came to wave
his arms about. This month also saw D r G a r r y
Hunt , Giles Shaw M P and Raymond Baxter . In
M a r c h we had M a r k Carl isle M P , Patrick
Moore , and Ian M c G r e g o r . So this year IC has
had its fair share of important visitors, but the
fatal attraction of the College seems elusive to
this writer.
Visitors
Visitors to College this year have been most
interesting. Sir Keith Joseph pointed the way
in October ; Prince Phillip and the D u ke of
Headbangers? No, a display of Martial Arts in the
JCR during International Week.
Mark Carlisle to Mark Clegg: "My, my, Sonny, you've got a big one!"
Mascotry
Mascotry reared its head this year again.
The first term saw Gui lds get Ci ty University 's
Carro t and then Ci ty return to inadvertently
steal J o h n Passmore. It is often claimed that IC
students do not need U L U because theyu
have a l l the fa c i l i t i e s , c l u b s a n d soc i e t i e s
necessary in their own College without going
outside. The same could be said of mascotry.
Due to the unique division of C C U s aspiring
mascot violators can practice inside their own
College. This happened in M a r c h when R C S U
v i o l a t e d " D a v e y " the M i n e s m a s c o t . T h e
mascot was taken to an R C S U G M and Mines
repossessed it after an "ugly scene", in M a y ,
R C S U m a d e a s e c o n d a t t e m p t to t a k e
"Davey" , this time unsuccessful. R i ch Archer ,
R C S U President was unaware of most of the
a c t i v i t i e s of the m a s c o t r y g r o u p , a n d his
resignation came as the culmination of a long
period of bitterness.
Rag fortunes this year have fluctuated; a
high attendance for the traditional tiddlywinks
followed by lesser numbers for other events.
The Rag C h a i r m a n was forced to resign, but
Rag Week was enjoyed by everyone who took
part.
Boring
T w o events that most students don't know a
lot about were Meet IC and I N C O S T . Capta in
Lindley organised Meet IC and L i z Lindsay,
I N C O S T . The College would do well to hire
her in two years time for the next Meet IC to
make it more sucessful. Should the Union
r e c i p r o c a t e t h e g e s t u r e w i t h i t s n e x t
conference though?
Rachel Snee as Deputy President this year,
has to some extent wasted her abilities in often
unnecessary attacks on F E L I X personnel. She
s e e m s t o s p e n d t o o m u c h t i m e b e i n g
"disgusted" to change that which she has been
disgusted about. A s for J o h n Passmore, well,
his leadership could not be called inspired or
d y n a m i c . H e has f r e q u e n t l y f a c e d severe
criticism at U n i o n meetings but shrugged it off,
m u c h as he tr ied to fend off F E L I X . It is
n o t t h o u g h t t h a t a l i s t of t h e E x e c ' s
achievements this year would be very long,
however, credit is due to them for keeping the
U n i o n ticking over since last year. C o u n c i l this
year has been rather too obsessed with its own
self-importance to be of much use. Fortunately
it has not got bogged down in "pol i t ical " issues
and the discussion of these matters are usually
brought to a U G M (if its not inquorate!).
Steve Marshall W i t h o u t a d o u b t t h o u g h , t h e m o s t
contraversial aspect of the U n i o n this year has
been F E L I X .
Steve Marshal l has never let a chance slip to
point out the inadequacy and pettiness of
those in College administration and in Union
posts. H e has not shied away from defending
the concept of editorial freedom, refusing to be
told what to do by anyone. His editorial reign
has been more concerned with "quality" than
"quantity" . H e seems to hold the U n i o n and its
institutions in not inconsiderable disrespect,
and there are very few peeople who can deal
w i t h h i m to the i r o w n a d v a n t a g e . S t e v e
Marshal l 's editorial style has so often resulted
i n t h e n e w s p a p e r b e i n g t h e n e w s . H i s
campaign against Dare Afolabi whilst being
disgraceful was the talking point of many
groups for some time. The issue that caused
the greatest controversy was at the start of
1981 and concerned the non-awarding of a
knighthood to M r Mooney . A l l sections of
College felt strongly about that issue either for
or against, and strong pressure was put on
Steve Marshal l to apologise to M r Mooney.
H o w e v e r , he p u b l i s h e d a n a r t i c l e w h i c h
explained what had happened and this was
accepted as an apology, by Union C o u n c i l ,
even though it showed little sign of remorse or
regret in it.
T h e o t h e r m a j o r i ssue w h i c h a r o u s e d
passions were the insulting remarks made by
Steve Marshal l about Princess Anne . This
resulted in a motion of N o Confidence in him
being brought to the Hustings U G M . W i t h his
customary disregard for precedent, he refused
to speak in his own defence, but instead had a
statement read on his behalf (which included
criticism of the Exec) in which he offered to
resign there and then. This was a dramatic
m o v e , but the m e e t i n g d i d not s i eze the
opportunity of throwing him out, however.
It is very difficult to say what the effect of
th is y e a r ' s F E L I X has been . It has been
claimed that F E L I X has made it difficult for the
U n i o n to deal with College. I'm sure the people
in College have more sense than that. F E L I X
has been very controversial, and this means
that most people read it, if only to be shocked
by bare b o t t o m s a n d o b s c e n i t i e s (for M r
Marshal l caters for all tastes). The controversy
that so often surrounds F E L I X "hatchet-job"
can too easily be concerned with the style and
nature of the article, rather than what the
article was about. This is a pity. But at least
Steve Marshal l can claim to have published
what the U n i o n really thinks about certain
people and institutions, as exemplified by what
elected representatives are happy to say in
the U n i o n B a r , r a t h e r t h a n o n C o l l e g e
committees.
Handbook Help
A r e you multi-talented and staying in or
around College for the summer? If so why not
pop into the F E L I X office and see what's
happening on the I C U n i o n H A N D B O O K .
Whatever you're into we can use you. If you
are a literary genius then you are especially
welcome as articles on eating-out, going-out,
p u b g u i d e e t c . e t c a r e n e e d e d n o w .
So pull your finger out while you've still got
the chance.
Tizard Hall
Assistant Sub-Wardens
Applications are invited for two posts of assis
tant sub-warden which have been created in
T i z a r d Hall for the academic year 1981/2. Rent-
free accommodat ion in a single room will be
provided. T izard Hall will have approximately
94 men and 24 women residents and the duties
of the assistant sub-warden are to help the
warden and sub warden with the day-to-day
organisation of the Hall and to contribute to its
social life.
Both female and male students of Imperial
College are invited to apply and although the
successful applicants would normally be post
graduates, applications from others will be con
sidered on their merits.
Applications withacurriculumvitaeandnames
College referees if possible, should be sent to
D r M H R Hutchinson, Warden , T izard Hal l ,
before July 3, 1981.
EXEC PARTY!
Thursday 25th June , 8:30 J C R , band, bar extension 'til 2 Entrance by Union C a r d
A Considered Opinion
The role of the Rector
in College life
It is d i f f i c u l t , if no t i m p o s s i b l e to d i s e n t a n g l e the r o l e o f the
R e c t o r as a p o s i t i o n w i t h the p e r s o n w h o h o l d s that post at a
g i v e n t i m e . It is a c o m m o n p l a c e , b u t neverthe less t r u e , to say
t h a t e f fec t ive ly the w a y the j ob is d o n e is a n i n t e r a c t i o n o f these
t w o aspects . H o w e v e r , I s h a l l e n d e a v o u r to e x a m i n e i n a l i t t l e
m o r e d e t a i l h o w this i n t e r a c t i o n w o r k s .
T h e post o f R e c t o r is t h a t o f h e a d o f the C o l l e g e ; a l l aspects o f
t h i s C o l l e g e . H e is t h u s h e a d o f the a c a d e m i c staff, h e a d o f the
t e c h n i c a l staff, a n d h e a d o f the a d m i n i s t r a t i v e staff. A s s u c h he is
subject to e n o r m o u s pressures f r o m e a c h se c t i on o f the C o l l e g e .
T h e p r e s s u r e s , w h i c h n o r m a l l y h a v e t h e d i s t r i b u t i o n o f
resources at t h e i r base, c a n take a w i d e v a r i e t y o f f o rms . F o r
e x a m p l e a p p o i n t m e n t s o f n e w l e c t u r e r s f r o m d e p a r t m e n t s h a v e
to be b a l a n c e d b y t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n ' s u n q u e n c h a b l e t h i r s t f or
n e w a d m i n i s t r a t o r s . I c o u l d go f u r t h e r i n t o the c o m p e t i t i o n for
resources f r o m v a r i o u s c o m m i t t e e s b u t to d o this w o u l d m a k e
this essay m o r e t e d i o u s t h a n is necessary . T h i s a l l m e a n s , o f
c o u r s e , t h a t the R e c t o r has to be a gen ius i n o r d e r to keep
e v e r y b o d y h a p p y ; the resu l t is t h a t most p e o p l e , w h o e v e r
h a p p e n s to be the R e c t o r , a r e a l w a y s m o d e r a t e l y u n h a p p y . T h e
o t h e r m a i n f u n c t i o n o f the R e c t o r is to represent the C o l l e g e not
o n l y to the u n i v e r s i t y , b u t a lso to the w o r l d at l a r g e . H e r e a g a i n
h e c o m e s u n d e r p r e s s u r e f r o m b e l o w e s p e c i a l l y i n t h e
a d m i n i s t r a t i o n b l o c k i n t h a t he has to d e f e n d , i n p u b l i c at least ,
the acts w h i c h h a v e b e e n p e r p e t r a t e d b y his s u b o r d i n a t e s , o f ten
w i t h o u t h i s k n o w l e d g e . T h u s w h e t h e r i t b e a c o v e r - u p
c o n c e r n i n g a s t u d e n t ' s s u i c i d e o r the w a s t a g e o f m o n e y o n
useless p u b l i c r e l a t i o n s exerc ises , o r the a t t i t u d e t o w a r d s a
g r o u p o f s tudents b e l o n g i n g to a m i n o r i t y soc i e ty , o r the
d e p a r t u r e o f a p r e s t i g i o u s g r o u p o f a c a d e m i c s for a n o t h e r
u n i v e r s i t y , the d e c i s i o n s h a v e b e e n m a d e c o l l e c t i v e l y at a l o w e r
l e v e l a n d c a n n o t , w i t h o u t g rea t r i s k , be a l t e r e d .
T h i s present R e c t o r c a m e to the post f r o m the S R C a n d has
a t t e m p t e d to a p p l y to th i s C o l l e g e the p o l i c i e s w h i c h he
f o l l o w e d at the c o u n c i l n a m e l y the e s t a b l i s h i n g o f " c e n t r e s o f
e x c e l l e n c e " . H e does not l i k e s m a l l i n s t i t u t i o n s v i z h is n u m e r o u s
a t t e m p t s to close d o w n o r a m a l g a m a t e the d e p a r t m e n t o f
a e r o n a u t i c s a n d r u m o u r s (the t r u t h o f w h i c h I h a v e b e e n u n a b l e
to ver i f y ) to sp l i t u p R S M i n t o the o t h e r t w o co l leges . H i s ideas
o f c e n t r e s o f e x c e l l e n c e ( eg h e r e , U M I S T , H e r s t m o n c e u x ,
C a m b r i d g e , etc) w h i l e p o s s i b l y v a l i d f o r t h e s h o r t t e r m , i n t h e
l o n g r u n w i l l l e a d to a d e c l i n e o f o r i g i n a l r e s e a r c h because s m a l l
i n s t i t u t i o n s h a v e b e e n d e p r i v e d o f m o n e y . T h i s m e a n s t h a t
w h e n the m o d e s o f t h o u g h t i n h e r e n t i n the centres o f e x c e l l e n c e
h a v e b e e n e x h a u s t e d t h e r e w i l l be n o o r i g i n a l sc ient ists i n o t h e r
p laces to fill the gaps .
S m a l l is i n d e e d b e a u t i f u l , a n d e f f i c i e n t , w h e r e c r e a t i v e
processes a r e i n v o l v e d . B u t w i t h a R e c t o r w h o c a n n o t c o n t r o l
the a d m i n i s t r a t i o n a n d i n d e e d , w i t h its c e n t r a l i s i n g a i m s , a p p e a r s
to be i n s y m p a t h y w i t h i t , s u c h a d r e a m w i l l h a v e to r e m a i n a
d r e a m u n t i l the l e a d i n g p o s i t i o n o f B r i t i s h sc ience i n the w o r l d
has b e e n e r o d e d . __, , , ,
The Mole
4 "
t A AN r l v S / M O
MOZART OPERAS 13th-18th JULY 1981 Le nozze di Figaro Cosi fan tutte Don Giovanni
Monday 13th July 7.00 p.m. Tuesdoy 14th July 7.00 p.m. Wednesday 15th July 7.00 p.m.
Thursday 16th July 7.00 p.m. Friday 17th July 7.00 p.m. Saturday 18th July 7.30 p.m.
700 stalls promenade places available on the day of performance one hour before curtain up. £2.00 each including VAT.
Further details: 01-240 l°ll 124-hour information servicel.
Bargain offers for promenaders. Stalls seats for Amphi prices!
Proms ticket stub will entitle you to drastic reductions on seals lot o number of performances by The Royal Opera. Full details supplied with tickets.
Royal Opera House
Sponsored by Midland Bank Limited. The Royal Opera House Covent Garden Limited receives financial assistance from The Arts Council of Great Britain.
M i d l a n d B a n k
1. What is the collective name for a group of IF students? a) A clutch b) A lay c) A gaggle d) A snatch e) A poke
2. What is the Rector doing in this photograph?
a) Playing with his organ. b) Operating the controls of his greenhouse. c) Playing patience to avoid falling asleep at Commemoration Day. d) Beaming up the Captain. e) Realising he has brought his shopping list instead of the notes for his speech.
Which of the following happens every two years? a) The Rector changes his expression. b) Meet IC c) Estates fix a window. d) Mooney changes his chip fat. e) Bob Foggon's 35th Birthday.
4. Mr Afolabi has appeared quite often in FELIX this year, but what is his first name? a) Dennis b) Denton c) Dare d) Danny e) Diogenes
5. Who was described in FELIX as "fat and horrendously ugly"? 1
a) Princess Anne b) Ruth Hildebrand c) Jeremy Nunns (Jasper) d) Rachel Snee e) Mary Attenborough
What event did Captain Lindley organise on Wednesday, May 13? a) A seashanty evening b) A screening of Carry On Sailor
c) Meet IC d) A salt beef and rum party e) A keelhauling of S J Marshall (Rtd)
Captain Lindley held a command before he came to IC. Was it: a) The Lusitania b) The Isle of Wight Ferry c) The Titanic d) The Torrey Canyon e) A few old sheds.
8. Who is the most overpaid, pompous, stuck-up, employee of Imperial College? a) Victor Mooney b) Captain Lindley c) John Thole d) Annie Latrine e) Stan
9. Which of the following has not been found in a Southside Refectory meal? a) Food b) Lord Lucan c) Rusty tractor wheel d) A colostomy bag e) The Chefs gold ring
10. Where will Steve Marshall be by the time you read this quiz? a) Wormwood Scrubs b) In bed c) Rampton d) Brisbane e) Rio De Janeiro
Answers elsewhere in this journal
V i c t o r M o o n e y : T h e T r u t h .
D e s p i s e d a n d r e j e c t e d , a f i g u r e o f f u n
throughout the Co l l ege , m a n y students feel
V i c t o r M o o n e y to be personal ly responsib le
for the poor Refectory service . T h e y see
h i m as the object for the hate a n d der is ion
that swells up in t h e m w h e n eat ing the
p o o r l y s e r v e d " c h e e p s " a n d u n n a t u r a l
tast ing meat courses . Power less to struggle
against the Refector ies , w i th a U n i o n w h i c h
so often turns a blind-eye to the iniquity a n d
unjustness of V i c t o r M o o n e y wi th his o w n
yacht , how c a n s u c h a student register his
d i s a p p o i n t m e n t w i t h t h e m e n a c e o f
M o o n e y ' s m o n s t e r o u s m o n o p o l y ?
O n e very impor tant th ing to be r e m e m
b e r e d w h e n c o n s i d e r i n g t h e R e f e c t o r y
serv ices , is that V i c t o r M o o n e y has been at
this Co l l ege for twenty-eight years .
O n e of the earliest re ferences to V i c t o r
M o o n e y in F E L I X was in 1955 w h e n he took
over al l the Co l l ege ca ter ing w h e n M i s s
" Q u e e n i e " B o w n i n g left, F E L I X wished h im
" t h e best of luck o n his new, a n d difficult
v e n t u r e " .
L a t e r o n that year in a Suggest ions B o o k
s o m e o n e wrote " G o o d o ld M o o n e y ! K e e p
u p t h e g o o d w o r k ! K e e p off t h e g !
oppos i te w h i c h the "diet ic ian- in-chief " wrote
" n o t e d " . T a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t t h e
propos i t i on that s tudents were in those days
a bit m o r e c iv i l , " k e e p up the g o o d w o r k " is
still a congratu latory r e m a r k . H o w m a n y
people today , twenty-s ix years later , w o u l d
feel able to s imilar ly praise" h im?
T r i p p i n g t h r o u g h t h e y e a r s , t o 1956 ,
V i c t o r M o o n e y again has praise heaped
u p o n h i m , this t ime for his "magni f icent a n d
d e t e r m i n e d e f f o r t " i n o p e n i n g a n e w
refectory in one day , despite set b a c k s
w h i c h w o u l d have "demora l i sed a lesser
Praise
T h e s e a r e s o m e e x a m p l e s o f t h e
laudatory statements made about V i c t o r
M o o n e y , a n d at no stage is there even the
merest hint of U n i o n c r i t i c i sm of h i m . But a
few things need to be r e m e m b e r e d about
events at that t ime. F i rs t ly , M r M o o n e y was
a v ivac ious thirty-three year -o ld full of new
ideas a n d eager to please, there were less
staff w h i c h created a better a tmosphere ,
a n d those staff s h o w e d some sign of pr ide in
their w o r k . A l s o , at that t ime, the Co l lege
was m u c h smaller a n d easier to r u n .
Decrepitude
M e a n w h i l e i n 1957 , M r M o o n e y w a s
e x p e r i m e n t i n g to cut the size of " e n o r m o u s
s u p p e r q u e u e s " . P e r h a p s t h o s e e x p e r i
ments w o r k e d too wel l . A t this t ime also
I C ' s cater ing began in this writer 's v iew it's
l ong process of co l laps ing into a n inexor
able pit of decrep i tude . F o r instance the
Suggest ions B o o k contains r e m a r k s about
peas ; c o m p a r i n g t h e m to lead shot , green
bullets a n d indigestible ball-bearings. T h e
substance of the compla ints has remained
fairly s imilar a l though s ince then the style
has c h a n g e d ; eg " T h e white of a n egg was
rubbery , the yoke more so. T h e peas were
h a r d . T h e chips were leathery a n d the whole
d ish was quite c o l d . " And, "For sometime I
have been confused regarding engineering
t e rms , eg ducti l i ty , rigidity, tensile strength,
h a r d n e s s a n d b r i t t l e n e s s . Your pastry
d e m o n s t r a t e s the l o t . " (A possible first
reference to T H E b a k e d minced beef roll?)
Complaints
In 1961 , M r M o o n e y w a s p e r s o n a l l y
a t t a c k e d in FELIX for ignor ing sugestions
a n d c o m p l a i n t s , a n d for h i s total indif
ference. C o u l d this possibly be the same Mr
M o o n e y w h o only s ix years earl ier was
hailed as a hero by the U n i o n ? Y e s .
A t the start of the A u t u m n t e r m , 1961
FELIX r epor ted the long queues in the
R e f e c t o r y . A t t h i s t i m e , t h e demand
outs t r ipped the supply , a n d the staff had to
try very h a r d to get everyone served.
E v e n i n 1961 t h o u g h , c o m p l a i n t s of
extraneous materials f inding their way into
helpings of food were m a d e , eg a "bundle of
wire , two thirds of w h i c h I unfortunate ly
s w a l l o w e d w h i l e e a t i n g y o u r otherwise
excel lent apple p ie " . M r M o o n e y gave his
n o w f a m i l i a r r e p l y of a s k i n g the com
plainants to take the meal back to the
counter at the t ime.
Bring it back
T h i s s imple r e q u e s t — b r i n g it back at the
t i m e — i s one of the best defensive ploys
used by V i c t o r M o o n e y to keep criticism of
the refectories to a m i n i m u m ; w h y else use it
for twenty years? W h a t s tudent is going to
r i s k t h e d i s g r u n t l e m e n t o f others by
r e t u r n i n g t o t h e c o u n t e r t o make a
compla int about the food to the staff who
often, t h r o u g h no fault of their own, find
d i f f i c u l t y u n d e r s t a n d i n g English, thus
hold ing up the queue a n d upset t ing an
already t o u c h y staff m e m b e r . A cry of "the
peas are co ld t o d a y " might be better, and a
w a r n i n g l ike "don ' t have the salad, there's
glass in i t " w o u l d surely help others to avoid
the o d d dish that even M r V i c t o r Mooney
admits " w e fall d o w n o n " .
V i c t o r M o o n e y hit the headl ines again in
1973. H e was c o n d e m n e d for his attitude to
U n i o n meetings , having " d e v e l o p e d a fine
art in fending off quest ions like some dispas-
ionate observer . L i s t e n i n g to his Union
meet ing offerings it s e e m e d hardly credible
that he has any responsibi l i t ies towards I C
cater ing at a l l " . A l s o " M r M o o n e y ' s general
aims s e e m e d to be to pass o n the blame and
responsibi l i ty to others . P r i c e ' increases ' are
t h e f a u l t of c a s h i e r s o v e r c h a r g i n g , the
cont inuance of the habit is the fault of
students not c ompla in ing , a n d the fault for
the bad quality of the food lies with the
refectories hav ing too m a n y c u s t o m e r s . "
Propaganda
This photograph shows a typical meal served up in an IC refectory; shrivelled chips,
congealed beans, and an unrecognisable third portion.
T h i s is a n example of the long catalogue
of lies a n d deceitful p r o p a g a n d a put about
b y V i c t o r M o o n e y o v e r t h e l a s t t w o
decades. N o student has the knowledge or
t i m e to fu l l y c h a l l e n g e t h e s t a t e m e n t s .
S t u d e n t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s o n t h e v a r i o u s
refectory commit tees c o u l d find it easy to
be taken in by V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s false facade
of c o n c e r n about the s tandard of cater ing
here.
In 1970, the unhygenic nature of the
ki tchens was widely repor ted in The Sun,
w h e n refectory boycot ts were organised
a n d a U G M p a s s e d a m o t i o n o f n o
conf idence in the refectory c h a i r m a n at
t h a t t i m e . R e p l y i n g t o a c c u s a t i o n s o f
c o c k r o a c h infestation M r J i m K e a r n s a
Col lege employee to ld The Sun they were
" h o g w a s h " , b e c a u s e t h e r e w e r e c o c k
roaches in all k i t chens .
Stupid
D u r i n g the early 7 0 s there was m u c h
c r i t i c i s m o f t h e h i g h p r i c e r i s e s i n t h e
r e f e c t o r i e s as a w h o l e , but d e s p i t e the
boycotts a n d U G M mot ions , no th ing was
done . In 1975 M r M i k e Wi l l i ams , a n ex-
F E L I X Ed i to r c o m p l a i n e d bitterly about the
stupid att itudes t a k e n by V i c t o r M o o n e y
a n d Peter Teague , then I C U Pres ident .
V i c t o r M o o n e y tr ied to increase refectory
prices by 40% without increas ing the quality ;
M r Teague wanted refectory boycot ts . M r
.Wi l l i ams cal led for each side to trust each
other. I suggest that this U n i o n has t rusted
V i c t o r M o o n e y l ong enough , a n d he has
been all too will ing to betray that trust .
Why?
B u t w h y is the refectory service so bad?
T h e r e are m a n y possible replies to this
o f t e n a s k e d q u e s t i o n . V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s
favourite answer is " W e have to prov ide a
capaci ty service unti l C h r i s t m a s a n d for half
that n u m b e r for the rest of the y e ar . " Le t ' s
cons ider that answer a bit more fully. V i c t o r
M o o n e y lets out a n interest ing figure. F o r
one t e rm the refectories are used heavily
a n d for the other two terms not so heavily ,
b u t at n o t i m e is the f o o d a n y g o o d .
W h e t h e r p u s h e d to capac i ty or t i ck ing over ,
V i c t o r M o o n e y just can't s eem to get the
c a t e r i n g r i g h t . S e c o n d l y , V i c t o r M o o n e y
s e e m s a w a r e t h a t t h e n u m b e r s u s i n g
the refectories is d r o p p i n g all the t ime. I
suggest that this is because , at first, the
refectories are used in the main by students
i n t h e i r f i r s t y e a r at C o l l e g e . A s t i m e
progresses those s tudents b e c o m e more
sett led in , c o o k i n g for themselves , or finding
local eating places.
Excuse
A n o t h e r popular excuse for the cater ing
here, is that the refectories a n d bars have to
be self-f inancing. Co l l ege dec ided that it's
U G C g r a n t w o u l d be s p e n t o n m a i n l y
a c c a d e m i c e x p e n d i t u r e , t h u s m a k i n g it
harder for the U G C to cut I C ' s without
h a r m i n g C o l l e g e a c a d e m i c a l l y . S o the
refectory service has to pay it's o w n way. If
it m a k e s a loss it can be bailed out by the
B a r profits, but noth ing else. O n e year 's loss
w o u l d have to be r e c o u p e d by next year 's
higher prices .
H
U
E S T U D E N T S at a L o n d o n
col lege p r o t e s t e d
a n g r i l y a b o u t the c o c k
r o a c h e s .
T h e y found thorn in the
kitchens and in the halls
of residence.
Some of the insects even
scuttled around the c o m
mon r o o m s w h i l e
students watched tele
vision, says t h e . m a g a
zine of< students at the
Imperial C o l l e g e of
Science and T e c h n o l o g y .
It was the last straw when
three students found
cockroaches in their v o l -
au-vent .
'Hog-wash'
Students are now p l a n n i n g to boycott the d i n i n g hal l .
Student W i l l i a m H o n e y -borne said yesterday: " S p r a y s no longer have any effect because there are so many c o c k roaches.
" We canont give the date of the boycott because wo do not want it a n t i cipated in the ki tchens . "
College staff member J i m Kearns , said : " T h e s e complaints arc a lot of hogvvash. in all kitchens there are a certain n u m ber of cockroaches . "
An extract from The Sun, January 19
1970. If Mr Mooney were a commercial
caterer he would probably hit the headlines
more often.
But there are other reasons which might
he lp to e x p l a i n the s i t u a t i o n . If the
uncooked food is of a poor quality, then no
matter how well c o o k e d , in a f lyless,
cockroach less k i tchen, by exper ienced
staff, it still will come out as rubbish, eg a
sausage made of sawdust will never be "fit
for a King" (or Prince Phillip).
But even "sawdust sausages" could not
be expected to survive the battering given
to them in Mooney's kitchens.
I said it was important to recall that Victor
Mooney has been at this College for a long
time. During that period he has buiit up
good relationships with many influential
people in College and the Union. He has
been made a member of at least two C C U
drinking clubs—no doubt for his services to
annual dinners, and by assisting the rising
stars in College has made life a bit easier for
himself. When dignatories have visited the
College, eg for Meet IC or Royal Visits,
Victor Mooney has ensured that the food is
of the highest quality—thus giving a false
impression of the catering here. Whilst the
functional catering is often to be highly
recommended, it must be remembered that
the Refectories are here to provide a service
to students and staff, not to entertain rich
outsiders.
Immunity
O v e r the years then , I suggest that V i c t o r
M o o n e y has built up a n almost complete
i m m u n i t y f r o m c r i t i c i s m a i m e d at h i m
personal ly , or at the b r a n c h of the domest i c
s e r v i c e he is p e r s o n a l l y r e s p o n s i b l e for
maintaining . T h i s does not help, because
the authorit ies in the U n i o n often want
people in Co l lege to be cr i t i c i sed , in the
hope of getting some ac t i on out of th em. If
serious c r i t i c i sm is not accepted , then only
satire a n d s a r c a s m are left.
Criticism
T h e cr i t i c i sms of V i c t o r M o o n e y a n d the
cater ing have tended to o v e r s h a d o w what is
being cr i t i c ised . T h e cater ing has b e c o m e a
long-standing j oke , a n d students no doubt
ask themselves is it really w o r t h bother ing
to c o m p l a i n , is it really w o r t h caus ing a fuss?
I suggest that because of the nature of the
c o m p o s i t i o n of the Co l l ege few students are
p r e p a r e d to struggle against the refectory
sys tem. W i t h i n the first few weeks they have
become g r o u n d d o w n by the food a n d are
more interested in their degree than in
tak ing part in any process of change . T h e
Col lege authorit ies must not th ink for one
minute that the lack of ac t i on by the U n i o n
a n d the often h u m o r o u s attitude addopte d
by F E L I X t o w a r d M r M o o n e y means that
the cater ing here is grudgingly a c c e p t e d by
"the silent major i ty " of s tudents , because it
is most emphat ica l ly not.
Peroration
In the 1950s V i c t o r M o o n e y was regarded
as a competent refectory manager . S ince
that t ime, the size of the Co l lege has g r o w n ,
t h e d e m a n d s m a d e o n t h e r e f e c t o r y
m a n a g e r h a v e i n c r e a s e d , a n d V i c t o r
M o o n e y ' s reputat ion has t a k e n a tumble . I
suggest that this is because the job has gone
o u t s i d e h i s a b i l i t y . D e s p i t e t h e m o s t
feroc ious cr i t i c i sm of h im in F E L I X a n d at
U n i o n meetings over the last twenty years ,
there has been no general i m p r o v e m e n t in
the taste or reduc t i on in the extor t ionate
pr ices of refectory food.
W h y s h o u l d IC be so sadly s t r iken wi th
s u c h unappet is ing food? W h y shou ld the
food remain so bad for so long , even though
the k i t c h e n s h a v e the m o s t u p - t o - d a t e
e q u i p m e n t ? I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e is o n e
connec t i on between these and all the points
ever made about the food here in the last 28
years . That c o n n e c t i o n is none other than
V i c t o r M o o n e y .
T h e plain t ru th is that V i c t o r M o o n e y
s imply isn't up to his job of organis ing the
cater ing here. It's not an easy job, there are
maybe only a smal l n u m b e r of people w h o
c o u l d do it. Unfor tunate ly , V i c t o r M o o n e y
isn't one of that smal l n u m b e r .
W h a t e v e r good he has done , whatever
w r o n g he has suffered, this writer asks y o u
to accept that V i c t o r M o o n e y should never
have been given c o n t r o l of the cater ing
here, that no one regrets it more than those
responsible for his appo intment and V i c t o r
M o o n e y himself , there c a n be no improve
ment in the cater ing whilst V i c t o r M o o n e y is
still here , so the sooner he goes the better.
CAPTAIW LMVm
r
CAJCEWDAft
J-
R e g u l a r p a t r o n s of M r M o o n e y ' s f ine
refectory facilities cannot have failed to have
no t i c ed that m a n y of the cater ing staff are of
Ital ian, S p a n i s h or F r e n c h ex trac t i on . F o r
the a id a n d benefit of all o u r readers , we
present be low a guide of useful phrases
w h i c h w i l l be o f i n e s t i m a b l e v a l u e i n
c o m m u n i c a t i n g with o u r friends w h o serve
in the refectories , f rom w h o m good service
a n d civi l ity is a n u n e x p e c t e d pleasure.
How to converse
with refectory staff
of foreign extraction
Do you serve indigestion tablets with every course?
F R E N C H
Vous devriez servir entre
chaque plat des pilules
contre les maux d'estomac.
I T A L I A N
C o n ogni portata servite c Sirven pastillas digestivas
anche delle pasticche dige- con cada comida?
stive?
When I want a cold meal I will ask for one.
Je vous le d i ra i , lorsque je
voudrais manger f ro id !
Se voglio u n pasto freddo
di solito lo ordino.
Cuando quiera u n plato
frio se lo pedire.
Was this omelette made with pterodactyl eggs?
Dites -donc , c'est des ceufs
dc plesiosaure q u ' i l y a dans
cette omelette?
Questa frittata e stata fatta
con uova d i dinosauro?
i H a hecho esta torti l la con
huevos de pterodactilo?
Frozen food should be de-frosted before you serve it.
Je vois que vous n'avez pas
eu le temps de degivrer
cette nourriture.
P r i m a d i servire i c ib i surgelati bisogna sghi ac-c iar l i .
L o s alimentos congelados
hay que descongelarlos an
tes de servir.
May I have another plate for the maggots ?
D o n n e z - m o i done une c u
vette pour y mettre les
vers!
M i darebbe un piatto a
parte per i vermi? i T i e n e otro plato para
dejar los gusanos?
Do you supply a magnifying glass with your meals ?
11 me faut une loupe pour
trouver ce que vous me
servez!
C o n i suoi pasti da anche
una lente d i ingradimento ? c N o dan una lupa, junto
con la comida?
That fly looks extremely well-cooked.
O h la belle mouche ! C 'qu 'e l l e est bien cuite!
Quel la mosca e cotta alia
perfezione. Esta mosca esta muy bien
guisada.
Get your dirty thumb out of the soup.
Sortez -moi ce gros pouce
de ma soupe!
T o l g a i l suo sudicio dito
dalla minestra. Saque el dedo gordo de la
sopa.
Did you have a recipe for this or did it just accumulate from the left-overs ?
Dites -donc , vous l'avez fait
a partir d'une recette, ou
bien vous avez simplement
accomode les restes?
Questo piatto e cucinato
secondo una ricetta o sono
degli avanzi messi insieme?
i Este plato lo hacen con
receta, o con las sobras de
los demas?
That sauce looks very artistic— just like paint.
C'est de la belle sauce
artist ique, on dirait de la
peinture.
Quel la salsa ha u n aspetto
veramente artistico, sembra
vernice.
Esta salsa es muy artistica,
parece p intura .
Has the electricity been cut off. I asked for a hot meal.
Vous n'avez plus de feu?
J ' a i demande u n plat chaud.
E mancata la corrente? Io
volevo u n pasto caldo.
i L e s han cortado la luz?
H e pedido un plato cabente.
How many times have you heated up this meal?
C o m b i e n de fois vous l 'avez
deja rechauffe, ce plat? Quante volte e stata r isca l -
data questa pietanza? cCuantas veces ha recalen-
tado este plato?
Has the cook been having a bath
in this soup ?
P o u a h ! Qa de la soupe ? O n
dirait qu e le chef s'est lave
les pieds la-dedans!
I n questa minestra ha fatto
i l bagno i l cuoco? : Se ha banado el cocinero
en esta sopa?
Why don't you try employing a chef instead of a washer-up to do the cooking?
E t si vous employiez un
chef, plutot q u ' u n p l o n -
geur, pour faire voire c u i
sine?
Perche non impiega u n
cuoco per cucinare invece
d i uno sguattero?
i Por que no alqui lan un
cocinero en lugar de un
pinche para hacer la co
mida?
Now get someone who can add up to total that bill.
Maintenant , allez me cher-
cher que lqu 'un qui sache
faire proprement une ad
d i t i on .
E d ora chiami qualcuno che
il conto lo sa fare.
i N o hay nadie que sepa
sumar la nota?
How many pebple chewed this before I got it?
Vous l 'avez donne a macher
a tOL:" le monde, avant de Questo, quanta gente lo ha c'Cuantos clientes lo han
gia masticato? masticado antes que yo?
me servir.''
•
By B.B. Wolffe
I was most surprised at all the fuss the editor
has been making over this Captain Lindley
fellow. The last thing I remember hearing
about him was that he was rushing around
telling V ic tor Mooney to slap a writ on the
p a p e r f o l l o w i n g the N e w Y e a r ' s H o n o u r s
shocker. Reading between the lines on the
issues that I've missed, 1 gained the impression
that people aren't too sure of who he is or
exactly what he does.
A s Domestic Secretary he's employed to
ensure that everything's ship shape and Bristol
fashion in the domestic section (which includes
Bookings , Cleaning Services, Messengers and
Refectories). Some of the staff in Sherfield
seem to think he's also that white bearded
chap who advertises fish fingers on the box
(Captain Birdseye?) but there's not a scrap of
truth in the rumour I can tell you!
His big thing seems to be "Meet I C " , the
C o l l e g e ' s P R job o n the l o c a l r e s i d e n t s .
Basically the idea is that we wheel in a few of
the geriatrics from the locale, fill 'em up with
food and wine, show them a few displays in the
J C R and then pray to G o d that they don't
complain when you're blasting Motorhead at
50 watts per channel from your bedroom and
urinating on their geraniums! The old salt
seems a little confused about the whole affair
though. H e was under the impression that
about five hundred people were due to attend
the recent do , but only one hundred and
seventeen had actually accepted invitations.
Imagine how the poor exhibitors in the J C R
felt after spending many hours preparing their
displays.
Apparently so few people actually turned up
that Mart in Parsons ( M r Mooney 's under
study) was seen wandering around pressing
wine on any strangers in the vicinity of the
buffet. There was so much wine flowing that
even J o h n Passmore couldn't manage it by
himself!
An y w ay , as his title suggests, he is well
versed in nautical matters and is quite often
seen tr imming his sail and setting off on some
vital mission or other. W h e n at a party with the
M e w s residents once, he was most embar
rassed when someone strolled over and said
l o u d l y " W h y i t ' s P e t t y O f f i c e r L i n d l e y ! "
Whether this was a statement of rank or a
comment o n his attitudes remains uncertain.
SKcfaj FUtgena
Senior Warden and well-known socialite
D o n M o n r o threw a wild beef steak party at
the back of Weeks Hall a few weeks ago. Don
(Kermit to his friends) invited all the well-
known College nobodies and hushed whispers
of excitement circulated as the Baron Flowers
and his good lady wife arrived on t h e scene.
Amidst the heady chit-chat the effervescent
first lady was heard proclaiming how well the
College Wives ' stall at the Rag Fete had done.
At this point Brian woke up and piped "so it
should have . . . I made the jam."
EHowfl on Ftwtt D o n M o n r o has also been very busy in
recent weeks following the controversy of the
r e d i s t r i b u t i o n of w o m e n i n the H a l l s of
Residence. The Senior Warden was rightly
concerned that Residence Committee should
act on an informed basis and quickly prepared
a questionnaire on the topic for distribution in
the Hails and Houses. T o avoid the possibility
of one side or the other (for whatever reason)
copying the forms and unfairly weighting the
results, he set about the task of individually
stamping the forms with a different number. It
was not until he was stamping the very last
form however, that it was pointed out to him
that he was stamping the top half of the form
above the "tear off and re turn" slip.
Qu i ck as a flash he summoned forth an
example of characteristic wit. " O h shit!" he
said, stamping the last form.
Jilted JPJCH
J o h n Passmore 's part in the redistribution of
w o m e n in H a l l s a g a p r o m p t e d o n e w r y
comment from D o n M o n r o . Knowing John is
keen to be a subwarden next year when he
takes on a P h D , he quipped " W e l l , he can
forget Beit I suppose!"
S u b s e q u e n t l y it a p p e a r s that J o h n has
actually applied for a subwardenship, but in
Mining House (more his league I suppose).
Having been the greatest I C U President in
l i v i n g m e m o r y a n d k n o w i n g m o s t of the
selection committee, he naturally assumed
that he would have a "good chance" of getting
the job. Imagine my surprise then, when a very
good source told me that when interviewed he
was considered " a complete and utter prat".
The job was given to someone else.
It came as no surprise to me that someone
has at last drawn attention to the similarity
between Capta in White and Colonel Lindley
(see letters page). For some weeks now I have
had this feeling that a scandal would soon
break in the higher orders. Imagine my horror
Skakz a Lm 1 see that somebody has written an article on
Freemasonry in this issue. What a surprise it
was to me (a mere Water Buffalo) that such
things actually happen in College! I mean, I can
hardly imagine any of the top College knobs
like Br ian and Victor roaming around half
naked chanting a load of mumbo-jumbo. It
strikes me that it might be a bit of fun when
you've had a few too many, but do they really
take it seriously enough to partake in all this
cloak and dagger nonsense? Anyway , I know
for a fact that the handshake business is
completely wrong, as I once saw a retired
captain and a MacDona lds chef swapping such
niceties at a party. Here 's a friend and I
demonstrating the real grip.
News has reached my ears of the sordid
goings-on in the Union Office. O n the day of
the Derby not only was J o h n (I did it my way)
Passmore off getting pissed as usual, but
matronly administrator Jen Hardy-Smith was
running a book! Wel l , it was only a sweepstake
really, and I gather that " N a p " Hardy-Smith
joyfully set about the task of matching the
names of punters to their horses by drawing
n a m e s w t i t t e n on p ieces of p a p e r out of
alternate hats. W h e n Rae Snee and Christ ine
Teller were asked to draw, a peculiar situation
arose when Rae drew Christ ine Teller's name
from the "names" hat. A l l the bets were that
Chr issy would return the compliment when
she drew the horse!
when I discovered that Brian himself is the
spitting image of Capta in Scarlet 's sidekick,
Lieutenant Green . If all the top College bods
turn out to be wooden headed marionettes,
then who's really in charge? Let 's hope that it's
not Colonel White !
Wto pdh tke ahima m College?
o
Wmm
t Meet Primelia College
I After Captain Birdseye, the Domesticated Secretary of
Primelia College, had stood and counted all the people
| visiting 'Meet PC he decided to get a more detailed
I breakdown of their number. Amble, Bumble, Crumble and
Drudge were each in charge of a stall, and the good
Captain asked Amble how many visitors each of the four
stalls had had.
"Well," replied Amble, "the product of the four numbers
is 270. No stall had fewer visitors than mine, and each of
the people visiting the exhibition came to just one of our
four stalls."
"I'm afraid you haven't given me enough information,"
retorted the Captain after only a brief week's reflection, "I
can't even deduce the four numbers, let alone which
number belongs to which stall."
"You're quite right; let me also say that the difference
between the numbers of Bumble's visitors and Crumble's
visitors is at least as large as the number of people who did
not visit Bumble's stall."
But this was all too much for Captain Birdseye, whose
stomach was recalling a particularly choppy night on the
Isle of Wight ferry. But that was his own fault, as Amble
had given him enough information to deduce the numbers
of visitors to each of the four stalls How many?
t
In the first Scaramouche puzzle
described the intriguing telephi m in the
East European town of Kuratowskigrad. Y o u will
remember that there is no central teleph.
exchange, a n d you can only phone one hous>
f r o m a n o t h e r i f t h e r e i s a n independ>
underground cable joining the two t~"
cross, a n d no cable r>»"
jable serves
Now •-'
cafa/es
each none
* « o / , „ „ _ . e t t h e P U z z h
'°uSt
ent es- No
six . .normed me
o i his friends, and no town is connected to less than five
T h i s means there must be at least •en houses in the town (see diagram). But
.ny friend has since written to point out a slight inaccuracy: while I was right in saying that no one
is connected to less than five others, I should have said that my friend is the only -
connected to exactly six others
S o now what is the smalk there could be in K i
answer P e r s on
nes. 3 Possible
Olv ouses
v o u r
Ork
Spelling B
Or, in the case of most of the FELIX staff,
spelling b awful.
Here are a few of my favourite words
whose spelling is somewhat surprising.
How many of them are correctly spelt
here? (Okay, so I'm a peddant.)
11 liquefy iridescent
rarefy inoculation
putrefy mars (disfigures)
stupefy consensus
liquefaction loth (unwilling)
rarefaction supersede
putrefaction
stupefaction
M/hich of the following poker hands is
the best to hold in an ordinary game of
poker? Which is the worst? Whichhands
are of equal strength? The game is
being played with an ordinary 52-card
pack and there are no wild cards. (AS
means ace of spades, etc.)
(a) AS AH AD KS KH
(b) AS AH AD QS QC
(c) AS AH AD QS QH
(d) AS AH AD 6S 6 C
(e) AS AH AD ™~
o
Post-
amble
A n d here's my third end-of-term puzzle page, and welcome to it! As before, the puzzles are of two types. Unmarked puzzles are for amusement only. They're on the easy side, but that doesn't mean they're trivial, and if the answer to the poker puzzle opposite seems obvious, then think again!
The sworded puzzles each carry a £2 prize which will be awarded to the first correct solution opened at 1:00pm on the first day of next term. In addition, for the person who answers the most prize puzzles correctly, there is a cash bonus of £2, plus a £10 voucher redeemable at Mend-a Bike. If there is a tie for this prize, then I will use 'Kuratowskigrad Revisited' as a tie-breaker, and award the prize to the person who finds the smallest number of houses.
Incidentally, I've no idea what the smallest possible value is; I'll award the prize to the person who submits a correct solution with the lowest number of houses.
M a n y thanks again to Pete and W i l l , the managers of Mend-a-Bike, for their continuing
Blanche (White)
o
generosity, to Grey Spider for the chess puzzle, to Gerald Donovan for some of the easy ones, and to Steve for the trichromatics.
Answers to the sworded puzzles, as usual, to me c o FELIX Office. The correct solutions will appear in the first F E L I X of next term.
Answers to last week's puzzle, the Phoenix puzzle, and some of the unmarked puzzles on this page are somewhere else in this F E L I X . (Sorry we can't be more specific, but we didn't know where there would be room at the time of priming this page!)
F R E E M A S O N R Y
A Helping Hand in College?
THE FIRST DEGREE GRIP: recognised by all masons as the universal
handshake. Notice that the thumb presses into the first joint of the forefinger
where it meets the hand.
F o l l o w i n g the recent c on t roversy over the
P2 L o d g e in Italy a n d the a lmost inevitable
c o r r u p t i o n that fol lows after all the higher
echelons of a soc iety dedicate themselves
to perpetuat ing their o w n interests , the
E d i t o r d e c i d e d t o i n v e s t i g a t e t h e p a r t
F r e e m a s o n r y p l a y s i n t h e r u n n i n g of
I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e . T h e s u b j e c t o f
F r e e m a s o n r y is , by its very nature , poor ly
p u b l i c i s e d a n d t h e r e c a n be f ew n o n -
F r e e m a s o n s w h o have any knowledge of the
Cra f t itself, let a lone its influence in the
Co l l ege . T h i s art ic le a t tempts to shed a
little light o n b o t h , but cannot hope to be
definitive. Be long ing to a mason i c lodge
s h o u l d not be thought of as a c r ime . T h e
author feels that while the true concept of
m a s o n r y itself is not necessar i ly a point of
c ontent i on , it does indeed prov ide a m e a n s .
of c o r r u p t i o n .
T h e p o p u l a r i s e d v i e w ' a m o n g s t n o n -
F r e e m a s o n s is that M a s o n s are a group of
people w h o wander r o u n d f rom top job to
top job by s imply k n o w i n g the right secret
h a n d s h a k e , a n d prance a r o u n d hal f -naked
w h e n being- initiated into the L o d g e . T h e
popular ised view amongst M a s o n s is that
n o n - M a s o n s have no idea what the secret
h a n d s h a k e is ( 'cos it 's secret) a n d couldn ' t
p o s s i b l y k n o w w h a t h a p p e n s d u r i n g a
M a s o n ' s i n i t i a t i o n . W e l l , t b e f o r m e r
descr ip t i on is not far f rom the t r u t h a n d the
latter s tatement is way off the m a r k as
M a s o n i c l i terature m a y be obta ined w i t h '
( r e l a t i v e ) e a s e . ( S e e o t h e r s o u r c e s of
references list at end.)
T h e M a s o n i c C r a f t is based on K i n g
S o l o m o n ' s T e m p l e ; al l re ferences in the
initiation ceremonies a n d c u r i o u s passwords
are der ived f r o m this s o u r c e a n d may be
read about quite freely in W a l t o n H a n n a h ' s
excel lent b o o k Darkness Visible.
W a l t o n H a n n a h (a n o n - F r e e m a s o n ) , w h o
is n o w in C a n a d a , r e s e a r c h ed the book
w h i l e h e w a s a C h u r c h m a n b a s e d i n
Queensgate , in c o n j u n c t i on wi th a senior
m e m b e r of the a c ademi c staff at I C . M r
H a n n a h obta ined in format ion by pos ing as a
M a s o n util ising M a s o n i c robes so ld off by a
M a s o n ' s w idow . A n enl ightening book , well
w o r t h a read if y o u c a n find a copy .
O n first impress i ons , F r e e m a s o n s might
be regarded as k ids w h o have not yet g r o w n
up. F r e e m a s o n r y cannot be d i smissed so
easily w h e n one realises there are over half a .
mi l l ion F r e e m a s o n s in G r e a t B r i t a i n alone.
M o s t o c c u p y senior jobs a n d are pledged to
help one another out w h e n " i n n eed" , even
though the indiv iduals may be complete
s trangers to e a c h other . T h e y recognise one
another firstly by a U n i v e r s a l H a n d s h a k e ,
more correc t ly ca l led the " F i r s t D e g r e e " o r ,
" E n t e r e d A p p r e n t i c e " h a n d s h a k e (see
b e l o w ) a n d t h e n l a t e r b y d r o p p i n g
format ions of w o r d s f rom the M a s o n i c ritual
into everyday c o n v e r s a t i o n , eg reference to
a knife a n d fork in a restaurant as " w o r k i n g
tools" . T h e r e are even M a s o n i c gestures ,
w h i c h to the unsuspect ing n o n - F r e e m a s o n
w o u l d go totally unnot i c ed , eg drawing one's
glass across the throat before dr ink ing ,
w h i c h is a n ex tens ion of a " cut my throat
a n d hope to d i e " penal sign of the F irs t
Degree .
H o w a M a s o n " u s e s " h i s m a s s i v e
c o l l e c t i o n of " c o n n e c t i o n s " d e p e n d s , of
c o u r s e , o n the individual 's personality . O n
one h a n d , F r e e m a s o n r y is a large, very
act ive soc ia l c lub that col lects money for
char i ty a n d provides funds for a hospital
(the R o y a l M a s o n i c H o s p i t a l — t h e r e is one
near H a m l e t G a r d e n s ) , but on the o ther it
c a n be seen as an unfair route to posit ions
w h i c h w o u l d b e h a r d e r t o r e a c h b y
convent iona l means a n d , at a n ex t reme ,
downright c o r r u p t i o n as in Italy.
I h a v e m e n t i o n e d t h e " D e g r e e " o f
F r e e m a s o n r y . T h e r e are three main levels of
t h e C r a f t , " F i r s t D e g r e e " o r " E n t e r e d
A p p r e n t i c e " ; " S e c o n d D e g r e e " or " F e l l o w -
C r a f t " ; " T h i r d D e g r e e " or " M a s t e r M a s o n " .
Af ter this c o m e s the " R o y a l A r c h " , but I will
n o t d w e l l o n t h i s h e r e . M a s o n s of a l l
degrees may be long to the same L o d g e ,
w h i c h usually opens its ceremonies in the
F i r s t Degree (at w h i c h S e c o n d a n d T h i r d
Degree M a s o n s are present) . T h e L o d g e or
M a s o n i c T e m p l e should ideally be in the
f o rm of a double cube facing East and W e s t .
T h e head of the L o d g e , the W o r s h i p f u l
M a s t e r , sits in the East . H i s e m b l e m , the
S t o n e M a s o n s tee-square is usually carved
or pa inted o n his pedestal . T h e M a s o n i c
symbo l s of a square a n d compasses usually
rest o n a cush ion with the V o l u m e of S a c r e d
L a w . T h e W o r s h i p f u l M a s t e r ' s d i r e c t
s u b o r d i n a t e , t h e S e n i o r W a r d e n s i t s
oppos i te in the Wes t . T h e J u n i o r W a r d e n
(with p l u m b line emblem) sits in the S o u t h .
T h e n we have Past M a s t e r s , the Sen ior
a n d J u n i o r D e a c o n s a n d the Inner G u a r d .
T h e s e are the "o f f i cers" of a M a s o n i c L o d g e
a n d c o n t r o l all of its functions a n d are
i n s t r u m e n t a l i n t h e i n i t i a t i o n of a n e w
C a n d i d a t e to the L o d g e . O u t s i d e the temple
stands the T y l e r , the outer guard to the
meet ing w h o helps candidates dress for
init iation a n d " fends off" intruders .
T h e ord inary M a s o n s wear aprons to
indicate their Degree . T h e F irs t is of plain
white l a m b s k i n , the S e c o n d is the same but
with two blue rosettes in the lower co rners
a n d the T h i r d is bo rdered with blue, has
metal tassles a n d a th ird rosette in the point
of the flap. Office bearers wear jewels a n d
emblems of their office f rom col lars of blue
silk.
A d i f ferent f loor c o v e r i n g (a " t r a c i n g
board" ) is laid d o w n dependent on w h i c h
Degree the L o d g e is c o n d u c t i n g its business
in . W h e n the L o d g e transfers f rom Firs t
Degree to S e c o n d Degree it does so to the
exc lus i on of the F irs t Degree M a s o n s , w h o
are a s k e d to leave. T h e r e are recognisable
handshakes of the various degrees, a n d
these are used dur ing the rituals ; the F irs t
D e g r e e g r i p b e i n g r e c o g n i s e d by A L L
M a s o n s i s o f t e n T H E M a s o n ' s g r i p .
P h o t o g r a p h s i l lustrating the S e c o n d a n d
T h i r d Degree grips are s h o w n below.
B e s i d e s t h e p o p u l a r i s e d h a n d s h a k e s ,
there are signs a n d gestures ranging f rom
p e n a l to the " S i g n of S y m p a t h y " a n d
passwords used in the rituals.
M e m b e r s h i p is b y i n v i t a t i o n o n the
r e c o m m e n d a t i o n o f a M a s o n . If t h e
candidate (who shou ld be over twenty-one
a n d m a l e ) a c c e p t s h e u n d e r g o e s a n
i n i t i a t i o n c e r e m o n y d u r i n g w h i c h he is
b l indfo lded, made to rol l up his left trouser
leg above the knee a n d right sleeve, a rope
noose is h u n g r o u n d his n e c k a n d his left
breast bared . A l l meta l objects are r e m o v e d
f rom his p e r s o n (see below) .
D u r i n g t h e i n i t i a t i o n h e i s t o l d t h e
" s e c r e t s " of M a s o n r y (grips, passwords ,
etc) a n d then he pledges a n o a t h o n the
Bible w h i c h if he b r e a k s may result in h i m
having his throat cut , his tongue t o r n out ,
his left breast laid o p e n , his body severed in
two a n d bowels b u r n e d to ashes , his head
cut off, his right h a n d c u t off a n d s lung over
his left shou lder to wi ther a n d die.
It may all s o u n d very silly but it seems to
be an adult game w o r t h p laying for the
benefits it reaps if the n u m b e r of F r e e
m a s o n s high i n the C o l l e g e admin i s t ra t i on
s t ruc ture is anyth ing to go by.
It is of great interest that the M a s o n i c
D i n n e r s , w h i c h up unti l early this year were
held at the B r i t i s h M a s o n i c H e a d q u a r t e r s in
G r e a t Q u e e n Street , have n o w been shifted
to the refectory in the Sher f ie ld Bu i ld ing .
T h i s means that F r e e m a s o n s f r o m all over
the c o u n t r y c o m e to Imperial Co l l ege to eat!
I a m in fo rmed by a M a s o n w h o travels
four h u n d r e d mi les to a t tend these d inners
that " the food is s imply excel lent a n d the
price is so cheap" . W e a s k e d M r M o o n e y
direct ly if he was a M a s o n a n d he denied any
suggestion that he was. H o w e v e r , if he were
a M a s o n he w o u l d be under oath not to
divulge the fact to us. It is a we l l -known fact
that M r M o o n e y often b o o k s dinners in the
Sherf ie ld Bu i l d i n g under the name of " T h e
W h i t e L o d g e G o l f C l u b " . M r M o o n e y does
not play golf (see F E L I X interview N o .
569) a n d the a forement ioned golf c lub is in
f a c t a M a s o n i c L o d g e . If M r M o o n e y
is not a lready a F r e e m a s o n , then perhaps he
w o u l d l ike to be. F o r the G r a n d L o d g e to
choose Imperial Co l l ege in w h i c h to dine I
c a n only th ink that they are getting a very
good deal indeed .
M a n y top officials in the Sherf ie ld Bu i l d i n g
are F r e e m a s o n s . T h e y most ly belong to the
H a m m e r s m i t h A r t s a n d Sc iences L o d g e .
(This is cur i ous since dinners are b o o k e d
under the G o l f C l u b — s u r e l y someone in
Co l l ege belongs to this Lodge?)
T h e " C o l l e g e L o d g e " is quite act ive. It
holds regular meetings in its T e m p l e — t h e
Q u i e t R o o m i n t h e b a s e m e n t o f t h e
Sherf ie ld Bui ld ing . It is quite possible to
c a t c h g l i m p s e s of w e l l - k n o w n C o l l e g e
figures in M a s o n i c regalia if y o u wander out
of the Sherf ie ld g round level toilets b a c k
entrance d o w n to the Q u i e t R o o m . If you ' re
very lucky , y o u might even c a t c h a gl impse
of a n initiate ( 4 0 0 A S A f i lm, avo id flash a n d
s e n d i m m e d i a t e l y t o F E L I X f o r h e f t y
payment! )
N o t so long ago, the Islamic Soc i e ty were
prevented f rom util ising the Qu ie t R o o m as
a p r a y e r r o o m ! R u m o u r s a b o u n d of a
M a s o n i c influence but I'm quite c o n v i n c e d
they have no factual basis .
Incidental ly , the two c leaners ' c u p b o a r d s
near the Q u i e t R o o m (which the c leaners
don't have a key to) are used for s tor ing
M a s o n i c regalia. A n d next to the Q u i e t
R o o m is a s n o o k e r r o o m w h i c h is undoubt
edly put to g o o d use o n a L o d g e night.
S o what does it all m e a n . W h a t ' s w r o n g
wi th the Co l l ege dignitories dress ing up a n d
playing in a n undignif ied m a n n e r , having a
few beers a n d a few s m o k e s in the s n o o k e r
r o o m . A b s o l u t e l y nothing! B u t is that all
there is to it? Le t me conc lude by ask ing a
couple of quest ions :
H o w c a n Imperial C o l l e g e cater ing be
recognised by representat ives of over half a
mil l ion B r i t i s h F r e e m a s o n s as the best deal
in t e rms of quality a n d price of food, even
better than the cater ing it c a n provide itself
at the G r e a t Q u e e n Street headquarters?
W h i c h people in Co l l ege admin is t ra t i on
a r e h o l d i n g p o s t s p u r e l y a n d s i m p l y
because they are F r e e m a s o n s a n d not o n
any p r o v e n ability?
S o u r c e s o f R e f e r e n c e :
Darkness Visible by W a l t o n H a n n a h
Freemasonry Exposed and Explained by
W i l l i a m M o r g a n (1826). (Publ i cat ion of this
book led to its author ' s murder . ) H a s been
repr inted .
Why Shouldn't I Be A Freemason by
W a l t o n H a n n a h
T h e r e are many M a s o n i c texts supposed ly
u n d e r s t o o d only by F r e e m a s o n s — a list a n d
longer list of general references is given in
D a r k n e s s V i s ib l e .
The Shape of
Things to Come
by next year's editor
The retiring editor has kindly donated the
space to me in order to express my plans for
the coming year. I would like to outline the
major events in chronological order.
PG FEUX
There will be one P G F E L I X only on Friday,
August 7. C o p y deadline for that issue will be
Wednesday, July 29.
I hope to spend a great deal of time over the
s u m m e r prepar ing feature articles for the
coming year, which I feel are greatly needed.
This means that I will only have time for one
issue, so I hope you do not take this as an early
sign of laziness.
If any of you P G s have some bright ideas for
articles then please come in and see me. I'd
like to see a lot of work by you in this issue.
Freshers' FELIX
C o p y deadline for the Freshers ' F E L I X is
Wednesday, September 23. Please ensure that
any articles reach the office by that date. I
cannot guarantee inclusion of any piece, but
shall consider each on their merits as space is
limited.
I would like to remind the publicity officers
of c lubs and societies that I do not want a
repetition of Handbook articles. Y o u r articles
s h o u l d on ly i n c l u d e news of r e c r u i t m e n t
events and the activities of the first few weeks.
I would also like to remind those people who
were too lazy or inefficient to contribute their
articles to the Handbook that they will not be
given an opportunity to use Freshers ' F E L I X
as a substitute.
RCS Centenary
There will be a special issueonFriday, November
27 to celebrate the R C S Centenary, which will
coincide with the Centenary Bal l . This will
include a history of the R C S and also any other
interesting items I can find.
FELIX 600th Issue
A l l being wel l , the s ix -hundredth issue of
F E L I X will be on Friday, December 11. This
will hopefully be a bumper Christmas number
too and will include articles on the foundation
and history of F E L I X .
Imperial College 75th Anniversary
This takes place in July 1982. I have no plans
as yet.
Solutions
The solution to the last puzzle should be self
e x p l a n a t o r y . T h e p r i z e w i n n e r is A d r i a n
Tottenham, C h e m Eng P G , and he can collect
his prize from the F E L I X Office on Monday
afternoon.
The Phoenix puzzle was rather trickier. At
some stage in the game, the position shown in
the diagram was reached, Black just having
played B — Q 4 check. White b locked the check
with P — B 4 , whereupon Black played P x P en
passant, double check. White then destroyed
the evidence by playing K x P , and at this stage
the k ing was knocked from the board.
I received correct entries from Andrew
Brit ton, Damian Hassan and J o h n Murphy ,
and of these A n d r e w B r i t t o n was chosen as
the winner. He now goes on to the second part
of the competition, which involves finding Sean
Gib l in , and persuading him to hand over the
£10 prize. G o o d luck!
Puzzle from Last Edition
0 5 4 1 6 1 3 4
0 6 2 1 5 1 3 0
3 4 4 2 5 6 4 4
0 0 6 0 6 6 1 1
6 3 5 4 5 2 0 3
3 4 5 2 3 2 1 3
5 2 6 5 0 1 2 2
Phoenix Puzzle
P i • n j§§ §§ Si
• •111
•
• • H
• a • §§ • —
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss^sssssssssssssssssss
You needn't miss all the scandal. Leaving College this year? Interested in keeping in t o u c h with
what 's going on? T h e n why not subscr ibe to F E L I X for a year. F o r a
mere £7.00 y o u c a n have your very o w n c o p y of F E L I X del ivered to
your door every week . (Students l iving overseas c a n arrange to have
F E L I X sent to t h e m as wel l , but the rates will vary.)
If y o u are interested then enquire at the F E L I X Office for further
details or r e turn the f o rm below:
Please, please, please send me F E L I X for a year. I willingly
enclose a £7 cheque /posta l o r d e r / c a s h .
N a me
Department
A d d r e s s to which F E L I X should be sent
C h e q u e s payable to: ICU Publications Board (FELIX).
Attention all P G s !
N o w 1 k n o w that you 're all very busy lounging a r o u n d a n d d r i n k i n g
coffee all day , but I think that y o u c a n spare a little t ime to contr ibute to
the P G F E L I X o n A u g u s t 7. A f te r a l l , it will be my one a n d only issue
over the s u m m e r a n d I'll need to fill it up with someth ing ! S o if you 've
any interest ing ideas for art ic les , or perhaps want to write a letter or
two , then c o m e into the office a n d d iscuss it w i th me. C o p y
deadline is Wednesday July 29.
C o m e on c h a p s , let's go!
L i n d l e y i n t h e D o c k
John William Garbutt Lindley, came to this College three years ago after a long career In
the Royal Navy. He rose to the rank of Captain and was a Naval Aide-de-camp to the
Queen. He was Flag Captain to the Flag Officer for Scotland and Northern Ireland and
Commander of HMS Cochrane (usually known as Rosyth Naval Base). As Domestic
Secretary he Is in overall charge of many areas of College, eg Refectories, Halls of
Residence, Security. So that students may gain a better knowledge of him, FELIX Is proud
to present a telephone conversation with him which occured last November. The topic of
discussion Is the visit to College of Prince Phillip In connection with the Duke of Edinburgh
Award Scheme. We had hoped to pad out the story with a few factual details concerning
the visit and felt Captain Lindley might have been able to help us.
The following text is a complete and accurate report of the ensuing conversation and
contains the now Infamous sentence concerning Captain Llndley's numeracy. We feel
Captain Lindley says more about himself In this short exchange than we ever could!
G o o d afternoon. I'm Sean Gib l in from F E L I X . I'd like to ask you some questions about the visit of the Duke of Edinburgh to Col lege t o d a y . C o u l d we have s o m e i n f o r m a t i o n which might be of interest to students for this week's F E L I X ?
What is it that you want to know?
We'd like to know why he was here, and
s o m e t h i n g a b o u t the D u k e of E d i n b u r g h
Award scheme.
Well, at the moment, just a minute, I have no
secretary, and I'm right up to my eyes. I've no
time to deal with the matter. You're right, he
has been here all day, for the Duke of
Edinburgh Award Scheme.
(At t h i s p o i n t s o m e r o w d i e s e n t e r e d the
FELI X Office. Mr Gib l in asked to be excused
to deal with them, and Capt Lindley put the
phone down. Mr Gib l in phoned back. The
telephone rang fifty-eight times (we counted
'em!) without Capt Lindley answering it. Mr
Gib l in tried again, and Capt Lindley p icked it
up immediately.)
Captain Lindley
G o o d afternoon. It's Sean Gib l in again. I contacted
Oh, never mind that
Mr Butcher and then Miss O 'Ca l laghan , who
referred me to you.
Look. At the moment I've got quite a few
things. Can you come over in the morning
and have a quick chat?
Well , I don't think there's enough time for that
really, we'd like it in this week's issue if at all
possible.
What is it you want to know particularly?
Well
First of all, you must understand that we
provide facilities, as it were, um, we're not
involved in the detailed running of the thing. I
mean, what they do, their programme and so
on, they set up themselves.
What was particularly interesting was that
when I asked Miss O 'Ca l laghan what was
going on, she said that she had been told by
t h e P a l a c e not to m a k e a n y c o m m e n t
whatsoever on the visit of Prince Phi l l ip
Now hang on....hang on. Just a minute, just a
minute. Let's get that in perspective.
That's exactly what she said to me.
Look, do you want to know what the Duke of
Edinburgh Award Scheme is about?
We've got enough information on that. What
is particularly interesting is that why, when
we asked for information from Col lege , we
were stonewalled. I've been in touch with the
Press Assoc ia t ion to ask them if they know
anything about the Duke's visit to Col lege ,
and they were most surprised when I said that
we couldn't get any information from Col lege .
Well, look. What I'm going to do, is to talk about the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme, not what sdmebody said. All that happened was that yesterday afternoon we got a question about TV recording, and we had to ask whether this was, er, agreed with the organisers etc and the answer was No, they did not wish it to be done. Full stop. That's all it is. There's no mystery.
S o a s t a t e m e n t that no a d d i t i o n a l p r e s s
coverage is required is false?
You telling me? Look, I'm not going to get
involved in this kind of enquiry—you must
come and see me. I do not conduct telephone
conversations of this sort. I understand you
wanted me to talk about the Duke of
Edinburgh Award Scheme. That I am quite
prepared to do.
We'd like to know how long this event has
been arranged for as well , for example, how
long ago the J C R was booked.
Oh, I can look that up. I don't know off hand, but it wasn't done five minutes ago, I can tell you. I mean it was done some time ago, and it was done properly. So there's no mystery about that either.
Just to check a few facts, were there 550 visitors?
I wouldn't know, I don't count 'em. Look what is we're trying to do? Do you want to know about the visit or not?
You must understand
I'm not going to understand anything.
any information that I've got has been
obtained with great difficulty because of the
apparent attitude in Col lege block
There isn't an attitude in College block. Don't
try and manufacture something where there
isn't anything. There is no attitude at all. If
you want to talk to me about the Duke of
Edinburgh Award Scheme, I'm perfectly
happy so to do. If you start saying to me were
there 550 visitors, the answer is I don't know,
I don't stand and count 'em, and it's not up to
me to count them either but there were
quite a lot.
Do you know roughly where they all came from?
All over the country.
A n d that satisfies your concern. You're not
absolutely sure how many people are here
Oh God, I don't know.
If I'd got this information from somewhere
else I wouldn't have had to bother you.
Look. It isn't a question of bothering me. The
Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme hired the
Great Hall. I don't know how many people.
We know roughly. I suppose if I went down
and asked Mr Mobney how many for lunch
etc, etc, he could probably tell me precisely.
But I don't see quite what this does. You say
"Where do they come from?" I know, because
I've got a list in front of me. It doesn't say they
came from well, you know, Manchester,
Glasgow and so on, but I'm not involved in
organising the conference.
I had hoped you might have been able to tell me about foreign visitors. Were there any from abroad?
Yes, that is correct, I'm sure, because I saw
'em, but as to where they came from, I don't
know. We're simply not told that kind of
information. But it's the Tenth General
Council and Sixth International Conference
1980 and that's what we know. They were
welcomed by the Rector, at 11:30am er it
really isn't up to us. They run their own show, not us.
Is it c o m m o n for this to happen? I would have thought that of all the people in Col lege , you, Capta in Lindley , would have been privy to the most detailed information available c o n c e r n ing what's go ing on.
Of course we don't know. Why should you
suppose that? But anyway, we're getting a
long, long way from what we're talking about.
Are we talking about the Duke of Edinburgh
Award Scheme or not? I'm trying to be
helpful. You're trying to lead me into various
sorts of situations
Well , I think, Capta in Lindley , that you've got
the wrong impress ion of
Have I?
people who write for F E L I X .
Look, I'm perfectly happy to help you if you
want some information about the Duke of
Edinburgh Award Scheme as far as I'm aware
of it. But if you ask me who came from where
and so on, they know, I don't.
So people from outside IC can come in and
have a conference and people in authority
such as yourself don't actually know what is
going on , and short of rough details
No, no, no, no, no. That's not what we're say
ing, that's just not what we're saying. To say
that you don't know what's going on because
you don't have a total list of every visitor,
that's just not so. We have students there, we
could talk about what the Duke of Edinburgh
Award Scheme does and that sort of thing, but
you know that already. If you ask me
questions that I can answer, then I willingly
will, but I do not want for a moment that you
should feel that anybody is trying to suppress
anything, because if you suggest that, then
I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong end of the
stick.
I'm glad to hear that. It's just unfortunate that
the only person in Col lege who has actually
said that is yourself. Thank you very much
Captain Lindley. Goodbye .
Quotes of the Year The Ents C h a i r m a n had just explained that
E n t s c o u l d not a d v e r t i s e gigs o u t s i d e of
C o l l e g e as the G L C w o u l d not a l l ow it .
"Perhaps you could put them up and hope
nobody notices them," retorted Ian Morse , the
F E L I X Printer.
" F o r us ignoramuses—just what is a B S c ? "
W o r d s i m m o r t a l i s e d by f o r m e r E x t e r n a l
Affairs Officer, Phi l C o l e , following ten minutes
d i s c u s s i o n o n the G r e e k B S c degree at
Counc i l .
"I often have a leak while changing in the
darkroom. " Some obscure reference to light
leaks while changing the F E L I X typesetting
paper by M a z Fellows.
" C A R E F U L ! These are the only originals
I've got"— S J Marshal l .
" I ' m not as s t u p i d as I l o o k " — S t e v e
Goulder .
C a p t a i n L i n d l e y has a few n ice c a t c h -
phrases, eg " N o w let's get this straight ";
" N o , let me correct you. . . . " ; " L o o k , we're not
t r y i n g t o h i d e a n y t h i n g " ; " W e c a n
cooperate.. . ." ; "Let ' s talk sense...."
" W h a t ' s a 1 3 - i n c h e r l i k e ? " — S a r a
M c G u i n n e s s in P i z z a H u t .
"I've had a lot of 'assle this w e e k " — C o l i n
Palmer, and frankly we're not surprised.
"I don't k n o w ! " — R a e Snee.
" H e ' s in a meeting, can you ring back
l a t e r . " — A L L the secretaries in Sherfield.
" F u c k i n g R o y a l t y ! F u c k i n g R o y a l t y !
F u c k i n g R o y a l t y ! " — J Passmore, on hearing
Princess A n n e had been elected as Chancel lor
of the University of L o n d o n .
'They only give him 'Meet I C to stop him
meddling in anything else' — L i z Lindsay.
" T h e y wouldn't get out if they were in M Y
police s t a t i o n " — M r Reeves, Chief Security
Officer, in reference to the R C S U mascotry
vandals.
"I daren't pick my nose unless H E says
s o ! " — M i c h a e l A r t h u r , making finger gestures,
and referring to the Senior Warden , D o n
M o n r o , who was present.
"I hope you aren't going to print any of
th i s . "—Michae l Arthur ' s most used phrase.
" Y o u are nothing but a creature crawling
across the floor. Y o u ought to be confined to a
cage with nothing more than bread and water
to survive u p o n . " — M r s Pingree, the College
Archivist , admonising S Marshal l who had just
presented Archives with a signed copy of his
1979/80 Rag M a g .
" H e ' s so t h i c k h e ' d have to t a k e his
trousers off to see what colour underpants he
was wear ing . "—S J Marshal l .
" E r e , what's this French letter doing in
F E L I X . " — S c a r a m o u c h e .
A n d finally,
" O h , I take it all with a pinch of sa l t "—a
M o o n e y classic.
Review Imperial College has continued this season to
be the foremost college in London University
in the sporting field. The level of activity and
interest in Sport at IC has remained
high—this interest leading to many suc
cesses. Once again, the Boat Club has shown
that IC is a force to be reckoned with in the
rowing world and this kind of success can
surely do IC's reputation no harm at all. The
Football Club achieved a whitewash of the
ULU leagues—winning all of them. Hockey
Club achieved not only first and second place
in the ULU League but a convincing win in
their Middlesex League—matching them
against top class opposition next season. The
Rugby Club's season has been marred by
some heavy defeats from top class club
opposition, but is still considered a force
within London Col leges—whi lst Ladies
Rugby Club has continued from its promising
start last season to eminence this season.
Despite poor facilities, some of the indoor
clubs have flourished this season and now
the Volleyball Court seem to be sorted out
(thanks to Nick) prospects are good for next
session.
Next year's officers have been elected and I
would like to wish Lesley Good Luck as next
year's Sports Editor and remind her of the
FELIX motto "Keep the claws sharpened".
Phil
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Life Membership
A proposa l c oncern ing an increase in Life
Membership subscriptions is being put to Joint
C o u n c i l on M o n d a y , J u n e 22. S h o u l d this
proposal be accepted the Life Membership rates
will be raised from January 1, 1982 to:
(i) Full member of the Union for 3 academic
years. Cost £10.
(ii) Full member of the Union for less than 3
academic years. Cost £15.
(iii) Research assistant and member of the Senior
Common Room for at least one academic year
or A n academic member of staff.
or A member of administrative staff qualified to
degree level
or A member of College staff for a period of not
less than 5 years. Cost £25.
Therefore I would urge all new graduates to
take out their Life Memberships before January
1982.
Incost 81
During the Easter vacation IC Union played host
to the Fifth International Conference for Students
of Technology. A great deal of hard work had
gone into the preparations for the conference
throughout the year by many students from IC.
During last summer invitations to attend the
conference were sent to all the major academic
institutions throughout Europe but the response
was a bit disheartening. In the end we had 44
students attending the conference including two
delegates who were sponsored by U N E S C O .
These two students came from Malaysia and
Kenya.
The students arrived on Wednesday, Apri l 1
and were settled into their Southside acommoda-
tion. Unfortunately the heating system was being
altered so some rooms were not very warm! A
welcoming ceremony was held for the delegates
in the U n i o n that af ternoon. W e were very
pleased to have Prof Sutton present to welcome
the students on behalf of the College. M r Alan
Goodyear from U N E S C O was also present and
he outlined his organisation's connection with the
previous conferences.
Work started on the Thursday with all the
delegates split into their chosen working groups.
The four topics which were discussed were: the
Information Revolution; Transportation in an
E n e r g y C o n s c i o u s S o c i e t y ; E d u c a t i o n a l
Preparation for a Scientific or Technical Degree;
and, the Role of Research in Universities.
The organisers of each group managed to
attract some very dist inguished speakers to
contribute to the conferences. These people
included Dr Tony Ridley, Managing Director of
London Transport, Mr Paul Sieghart, a barrister
concerned with Privacy Law. Dr John Spice,
Head of Nuffield Science Foundation and Dr
Waller of the National Research Development
Corporation. The general procedure was for our
students to introduce the topic and to guide the
delegates into the various international aspects of
the subject.
O n the Thursday evening the whole party
headed into the West End for a visit to the
theatre. The show which had been chosen, Euita,
proved to be a very popular choice and the
evening was rounded off by a trip through Soho.
The w o r k i n g groups met again o n F r i d a y
morning but in the afternoon the party split up in
order to visit some companies. The visits which
had been arranged were to G E C Computers Ltd
at D u n s t a b l e a n d the F o r d M o t o r C o at
Dagenham. Unfortunately the workers at Ford
were on a 'go slow' so the delegates had a
shortened visit.
The G E C visit was very interesting and was
well rounded off with a super afternoon tea! On
Saturday work started again but we were without
our two Polish friends as they are supporters of
'Solidarity'! In the afternoon several delegates
went to see Q P R play but I think they were
disappointed through the lack of goals. That
evening we held a dinner for the delegates in
Southside. M r Peter Foster, Deputy Chairman of
the Board of Governors, was our guest speaker
and M r Alan Goodyear replied on behalf of the
guests. Prof Sutton also attended the dinner and
everyone seemed to enjoy the evening. O n
Sunday the group descended upon Silwood Park
where we were received by M r Fisher, warden of
the park. Following a super lunch at Silwood we
headed back to London via Windsor where there
was lots of time to visit the castle and have
afternoon tea! Later that evening we all met in the
U n i o n B a r w h e r e a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l d a r t s
competition was held!
Monday morning was back to work and in the
afternoon the delegates vis i ted B r i t i s h Tele
communications at Ipswich and the Metal Box
C o m p a n y at W a n t a g e . T h e s e were b o t h
very interest ing visits and were enjoyed by
everyone.
O n Tuesday the final reports were put together
and were discussed by the group as a whole. A lot
of very interesting information had been compiled
and was presented in very differing ways. The
reports of the groups will be produced before the
end of June. At the final session it was decided
to hold the Sixth I N C O S T in Gliwice, Poland next
easter providing the political situation is relatively
stable. To end a very enjoyable week a pub crawl
a r o u n d the v a r i o u s h o s t e l r i e s in S o u t h
Kensington was arranged.
Our European visitors took advantage of the
cheaper English beer and consumed their fair
share!
O n Wednesday most of our delegates left but
all p r o m i s i n g to a t t e n d a get - together in
Trondheim, Norway in October. After all the
hassle of the preparations for the week the
conference was a tremendous success and was
enjoyed by all concerned.
Elizabeth Lindsay
ICU Hon Sec
Greater London Red
Cross Blood
Transfusion Service
This Service provides voluntary Blood Donors to hospitals in Greater London when it is essential that freshly drawn blood is used. This F R E S H B L O O D S e r v i c e is c o m p l e m e n t a r y to the Nat ional B l o o d Trans fus ion Service and cooperates with the Department of Health in the N a t i o n a l H e a l t h S e r v i c e . O u r D o n o r s are prepared to travel to any hospital in the Greater London area usually at a moment's notice in order to try and save lite. Sometimes it is possible to give up to twenty-four hours notice, ie when an operation is scheduled for a specific time. The Service always does its best to send Donors to hospitals as near to their place of work or home as possible.
Demands are increasing and volunteers are urgently needed to ensure that all calls are met.
A report and seal is sent to the Donor after every donation. Volunteers must be between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five and are required to have a medical examination at St Bartholomew's Hosp i ta l . An y o n e who is interested should immediately contact the Secre tary , Greater London Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service, 4 Collingham Gdns, SW5, 373-1055/6/7 or contact Roger Serpell, Aero Dept, int 3707.
Bookshop News
Lead Tides
Smiley's People-John Le Carre, Pan, £1.75
Le Carre's best, the ultimate espionage novel,
more tension and excitement than anything else
he has written.
Making of Mankind-Richard E Leakey, Michael Joseph, £9.95.
In this book the author has created a lasting r e c o r d of his c o m p e l l i n g t e l e v i s i o n ser ies . Beautiful photographs recall the many places where the series was filmed.
Traditional Islamic Craft in Moroccan Archi
tecture-Andre Paccard, Editions Atelier 74—2
volumes—£125.00.
C o m p r i s e s more than 1,100 pages , 2,000
photographs (almost all in full colour). For the
first time in the history of Islamic architecture, the
great Moroccan master craftsmen reveal their
secrets.
ICON, The Imperial College Review, 20p, is on
sale in the Bookshop. The latest issue covers art,
m u s i c , l i t e r a t u r e , t h r e e c o n t r i b u t i o n s — a
philsopher, a priest and an engineer, consider
which books or stories have most influenced their
outlook in later life. Compelling reading. A pity
there is to be only two issues a year.
Recommended Reading Lists. We have had
some enlightening answers to our request for
titles for next term. Examples:
Nearly Essential Reading!
Name Department recommended books. Nil
Classification, a what no book!
List of titles, no name or department
List of titles, O K . Number of students, nil
One department listed 127 titles that are essential
r e a d i n g . T h e c o s t per s t u d e n t w o u l d be
approximately £2,000.
The Private Life of
Steve Marshall by The Staff
SCC
Stephen John Marshall entered the worid on December 14, 1958 in Wolverhampton. Little did he realise then that he was destined to become editor of no less than four publications.
Steve was an unusually perceptive child whose wasp collection was the envy of many a friend at Wood End Juniors school. At an early age he exhibited an aptitude for scientific investigation: his mother was horrified to find a frog partially dissected on her bread-board and was annoyed further when he boiled a piglet in caustic potash in her best a luminium saucepan. O n another occas ion he made nitrogen tr i iodide in his garden shed laboratory and left it outside to dry. W h e n he i n v e s t i g a t e d a s u d d e n bang he discovered the remains of the poor sparrow which had mistaken the black powder for food.
It is important that all S C C clubs and societies
give their account book to Dr Rzepa before the
end of term.
Stephen Goulder
SCC Chairman 1981/2
Steve is planning to go to Australia next year,
with a holiday in South America in the
intervening months. He is pictured here with his
mother on Blackpool beach during an earlier
expedition.
Another early love of Steve's was money. He
decided that writing was a good way to earn extra
cash, but eventually settled for cartooning. Soon
papers of great repute (Titbits, Weekend, etc)
carried Marshall cartoons, the subject of which
were only l imited by what would " s e l l " . By
studying other cartoonists he developed his own
drawing style and brand of humour.
It was his cartooning abilities which led to his
involvement in FELIX. On his first day at IC he
wandered into the office and announced his
desire to contribute to the editor, Duncan Suss.
Presuming that any editor would own a car, he
then cheekily asked for a lift with his belongings.
Duncan managed to arrange a lift for him and
thus secured a weekly cartoon from the keen
Chemistry fresher. With the encouragement of
Bill Tidy. Steve managed to become a member ot
the C a r t o o n i s t s ' C l u b of Great B r i t a i n , an
o r g a n i s a t i o n run by and for p r o f e s s i o n a l
cartoonists.
During his first summer vacation he produced a
book of his cartoons which aroused in him a
desire lo edit the IC Rag Mag. Steve was very
keen to produce a memorable publication, which
indeed he did. In fact it was during its production
that he first became a centre of controversy. The
Deputy Pres ident , M a l c o l m B r a i n , was very
concerned, because the "sick" jokes and phallic
crossword that Steve intended to include were
totally unacceptable in his eyes. Despite the fuss
and a threat to have his "head caved in" by the
DP. he stuck to his guns and produced a classic
Rag Mag.
In his third year he took control of The Phoenix
which was near extinction after failing to appear
for two years . By careful planning and an
enormous amount of hard work he managed to
raise the magazine back to its previous heights, as
befits a publ icat ion founded by H G Wel l s .
Despite many sleepless nights pasting up he still
managed to work hard on his degree and
graduated with an Upper Second last year.
During his year as F E L I X Editor Steve has once
again been the source of some controversial
items. His criticisms of Mr Mooney and Captain
Lindley may not have earned him friends in high
places, but many students have expressed their
enjoyment of such articles. Other Marshall ideas
were less popular, but even a series of U G M
motions seemed to have no effect. He can only
really be judged by his results—the issues which
he produced. These seem to have provoked a
great deal of interest and have always been well
read.
D e s p i t e be ing F E L I X E d i t o r he has s t i l l
remained relatively u n k n o w n in publ i c . H i s
defence at U G M s has been carried out by a staff
orator and his face is rarely pictured in the
n e w s p a p e r . F o r some r e a s o n , p r e s u m a b l y
modesty, he prefers not to be recognised. For a
year he has lived in a semi—nocturnal existence,
arriving late in the office and remaining there until
the small hours.
In recent months his plans for the next year
have been the cause of some a m u s e m e n t
amongst the staff. Firstly he decided to take 3
months holiday in South America. We accidently
espied his plans to take pot—noodles and
Cadbury's Smash to the Andes, which raised a
few titters, but "three pairs socks, two pairs
pants" for 3 months was hilarious. The need for
vaccinations prompted Dr Haines' article in the
previous issue and he is still busy trying to
memorize all the types of poisonous snakes
Unfortunately he has had to postone his little
jaunt in favour of setting up a PhD. . . . in Australia.
Somehow we feel that Aussieland will be ideally
suited to Mr Marshall's requirements (and it is
very far away). However nobody has yet warned
the Australians. We wish him every success in
the venture.
We showed this article to Steve for his
comments. "People might be interested," he said,
...but if they're not stuff 'em?'
A rare picture of Steve taken during his
Grammar School days. We feel that this picture
captures his youthful enthusiasm and vitality
which have remained with him throughout his
year as Editor.
I feel that this Editorial is going to be somewhat
of an anti-climax to those of you who expect
me to slag off all those lazy, inefficient ponces
who have the audacity to call themselves
Union Officers or College administrators. 1
have nothing specific to say about anything at
the moment and everything you are about to
read is purely a collection of jottings that come
to mind as I sit here thinking about ways of
filling the entire back page.
I w i l l res i s t the t e m p t a t i o n to r e c o u n t
personalia as I understand the F E L I X staff are
k n o c k i n g s o m e t h i n g t o g e t h e r a b o u t me
overleaf (dread the thought!). Some people
this year have accused me (or even praised
me, dare I say it) for being far too outspoken
and downright rude.
I m u s t a d m i t that I never i n t e n d e d to
b e c o m e n o t o r i o u s as F E L I X E d i t o r or to
impose my character on F E L I X to the extent
that I have. I originally aimed to take a laid-
back approach, keeping out of the limelight (as
it were), adding balance here and there with an
editorial comment on a few pertinent issues.
Then Dare Afolabi came along! It all started
when M a r k Smi th (Editor-elect) chopped the
last paragraph off his Afro -Car ib article to
make it fit—it just happended to be about
apartheid. H e assumed I (it wasn't even me)
had " censored" him. (Don't they always?).
M r Afolabi sent me a stormer of a letter
accusing me of infringing the I C U Constitut ion,
c e n s o r s h i p , a n d w o r s t of a l l , r e s t r i c t i n g
freedom of expression. Nothing annoys me
more than being accused of acting against one
of my own strong beliefs—I've always been
strongly in favour of freedom of expression—
no matter how right-wing or left-wing your
views may be. Nevertheless, I kept my cool .
Then Afolabi sent another letter and another,
a n d a n o t h e r I r e a c t e d . M y r e a c t i o n
p r o v o k e d a c h a i n r e a c t i o n . F e e d b a c k is-
pleasing, positive or negative; I started to take
more personal interest in F E L I X and have
used it to provoke interest ever since.
However , I would a d d that I hold M r Afolabi
and others like him in considerable contempt, I
am not racist (I A M sexist), and I believe the
apartheid system is very, very wrong.
While the members of the Ant i -Apartheid
G r o u p d e s e r v e e v e r y p r a i s e f o r t h e i r
determined efforts, they must realise they will
achieve nothing concrete. The only situation
where they could have gained some headway
c o n c e r n e d the a d m i s s i o n of whi te S o u t h
A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s to the C o l l e g e ' s n u c l e a r
technology course. Without wishing to be
labelled as a evil supporter of the Fascist
Regime, 1 cannot agree with this move as, like
the Rector, I believe academic freedom is a far
more important consideration.
Were the left-wingers to actively campaign
a b o u t t h i n g s c l o s e r to h o m e s u c h as
r e f e c t o r i e s , H a l l rents a n d the C o l l e g e ' s
determined efforts to waste thousands of
pounds on utter flops such as Meet IC then
this place might be just a little more lively.
I have attempted to keep F E L I X concen
trated firmly on internal matters this year and I
believe this is the right policy—perhaps this
the reason why U G M s failed so abysmally this
year. I have criticised the Union , or more
correctly, its officers without second thought
for the c o n t i n u a n c e of a " g o o d w o r k i n g
working relationship" with them. I detest most
of them anyway. John Passmore, who still
ins i s t s on gree t ing me p l e a s a n t l y , wi l l be
forgotten next year, tucked away on his Phd in
the Mines department, which lowered their
u s u a l h i g h s t a n d a r d s i n a c c e p t i n g h i m .
However , personalities in College administra
t ion (V ic tor M o o n e y and C a p t a i n L ind ley
come eagerly to mind) will still be here next
year. Victor Mooney is hardened to criticism
after twenty years of it, so I attempted a new
approach this year. The " N e w Years Honours
S h o c k " seemed to cause quite a jolly stir (you
s h o u l d have seen the o r i g i n a l a r t i c l e we
decided N O T to print). I was surprised by the
o u t c r y , I m u s t a d m i t . I h a d no o f f i c i a l
correspondence from Victor Mooney himself
but the Rector was disgusted. John Passmore
agreed with the Rector that it was disgusting (I
saw him laughing!). I was told by a senior
Sherfield man sympathetic to the cause, that
" i t is not u n u s u a l for a s e n i o r r e f e c t o ry
manager who often caters for Royalty with
thirty-years experience to receive a C B E or
something similar". It was suggested that I had
hit Victor Mooney below the belt. M y repost
was the same as always, Victor Mooney has
been hitting us all below the belt for many
years. Even when the College are eventually
find of him, the refectories will still need a good
five years sorting out. It's simply pathetic.
Captain Lindley is altogether another kettle
of fish. Prior to this year, the Captain had
come off lightly, if mentioned at all, in the
pages of F E L I X . I believe that my predecessors
were actually put off by his pretentious use of
rank. I find it difficult to have any faith in the
naval defence of this country after meeting and
talking to Captain Lindley. The amazing thing
is that the top officers in the Sherfield Building
talk about the Captain in a far more cutting
manner than I would ever consider publishing.
Not only has he been a figure of fun in the
U n i o n , but also in Sherfield. What a pity Topic
doesn't have a gossip co lumn! This man has
the responsibilities which most directly affect
students. A s Domestic Secretary, he is Victor
M o o n e y ' s b o s s , i n o v e r a l l c h a r g e of a l l
refectories and bars; he has direct responsi
bility for Halls of Residence and Houses; he is
in charge of the booking of rooms and all
cleaners; and, to top it all , he looks after the
secur i ty of the entire Co l lege . T o o m u c h
responsibility for one man, without having to
contend with F E L I X as well (not to mention
Meet IC) you might well say. Obviously.
Some of the thing I never got round to. I
would have liked to have had more feature
articles but there just weren't enough staff to
write them. I had envisaged an article on
College-owned flats; you know, the ones they
don't tell students about, leave vacant for ages,
then move in some College person for a few
weeks, on a "need basis". H o w many people
realise there are two fully-furnished flats in the
Union Building? I'm not sure if many in the
Union realise it. These two flats are marked
only by unassuming front doors on the west
staircase of the Un ion Building and are omitted
from the diagram in the Handbook. They are
both known as "Refectory Flats" , intended for
people in the refectory service—often those
who work in the Union Refectory, so that they
haven't far to walk in the mornings presum
ably. The flats are let at very low rates. The
disgraceful thing is that one of these flats has
been left e m p t y for two y e a r s ! O K , flat-
hunters, now you know, I suggest you look up
your squatters' rights before the College find a
"needy person". They've been looking for two
years, so they're bound to find one real soon.
Victor Mooney has a very nice flat near
Southside. Recently redecorated I understand.
£1,000. A number of College employees live in
N o 8 P r i n c e s G a r d e n s a n d o t h e r s are
sprinkled around Princes and Evelyn Gardens .
However , a lot seem quite legitimate and will
warrant no further attention.
68 E v e l y n G a r d e n s . I n t e r e s t i n g l i t t l e
number. This house contains six flats originally
intended for married IC students. T o the best of
available knowledge, only two are occupied by
students. One is home sweet home for Stan,
the drunk who used to swear at people in the
Southside Bar before he was moved to the
Hol land C l u b . He was obviously thought to be
i n n e e d by M i s s W h i t e , w h o was t h e n
Secretary to the "Accommodat i on Selection
Commit tee " and a friend. The way of the
world, I suppose!
Again in 68, one flat had been empty for
fifteen months. Miss White has denied that the
flat was empty for this period and the College
even d e n i e d that the flat was e m p t y I N
W R I T I N G to C a m d e n Counc i l Housing A i d
Centre after a married student couple had
applied for it, knowing it to be empty. A t least
twelve people applied for the flat in 1979 by the
time it was leased to M r Chappells , a senior
engineer in the Estates department, just three
weeks after C a m d e n Counc i l had requested
information from College. It was leased on the
grounds that "no one else had applied for it" .
Rent £32.20 per week. Not bad for a flat
suitable for a married person with children.
Y e s s i r , C o l l e g e - o w n e d flats sure is an
interesting topic. Is there anything else that
springs to mind while I've got a pen in my
hand? Wel l , what about the latest episode of
petty backslapping amongst Union hacks—ie
the practice of awarding engraved pewter pots
at the last Union Cou n c i l of the year. Rae
Snee wants to put a motion to Counc i l to stop
the awarding of pots as it's costing a lot of
money. What another noble thought! M i n d
you, she's clever enough to realise that while
John Passmore is stupid enough to give her a
U G A , even Counc i l wouldn't let her have a
pot. L i z Lindsay is up in arms! She wants an
I C U pot to "complete her set" and she isn't
about to let Rae Snee do her down. Personally,
I thought a pot was for pissing in !
Finally, I would like to thank M a r k Smith ,
Patrick C o l l , T i m Hillyer, Co l in Palmer, Phil
Webb , Andy D i x o n , Mart in Taylor, Shanne
Woodhouse , Dave Brit ton, Dave Jago, Steve
Goulder , " E r i c " Jarvis , Pallab G h o s h , Paul
Parker , Carol ine G o d i n , Paul Donovan , Sean
G i b l i n for h e l p i n g o n F E L I X t h i s y e a r .
Sincerest apologies to anyone I've missed out.
I'd like to extend a special thanks to M r s
A d a m s and M r s V a r y , the Botany/Zoology tea
ladies who have made 3:00pm a great time to
be arouind. A l s o M a z Fellows, the photo-
t y p e s e t t e r - o p e r a t o r a n d Ian M o r s e , l i tho -
operator, who I have put up with all year
(variation on an old theme).
A s for the rest of Imperial College, I hate you
all. Adios .
FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London,
SW7 2BB. (589 5111 ext. 1048/int. 2881) Copyright FELIX 1981. Editor: S.J. Marshall, Advertising Manager: MA. Smith. Registered at the CPO as a newspaper