hurrincanes by felicia "lady rayne mccloud"

7/21/2019 Hurrincanes by Felicia "Lady Rayne McCloud"

1/9

What does one do with a dream difered?

I have so many gits, and talents, thats what people tell me all the time. I

think though there is some level o genius that is so loud and compact that

is, is like a trap. I mean it is like a tightly wound undle o thought. I have

visions and then another, a dream and then another. I dont lack ocus, Idont control it. It !ust spins and spits, and its a violent rampaging volcano

vomiting "ames that devour all that I am, until I am consumed. #eople like

me need people. $he issue is people do not do. $hey !ust say, you are

ama%ing. &ou are an ama%ing, unny talented, genius mind. What does

that even mean, i I am not supported? I can sing, ut no one is ofering me a

stage or a mic or staying in my lie and helping me see any pro!ect through.

'o I am !ust writing and creating and creating. 'ong ater song, is trapped in

a note ook, or on some meaning () that only me, and my lover listen too.

What now?

I am a phenomenal writer, ut the thoughts are so random, so sporadic, andpencil or pen to paper resounds like the ranting o a mad hatter on good

drugs. It is insanity at its *nest. I have too much to say to e a writer. Writers

like me need editors. We need people so engaged as to record our ranting

and choose which part it "ows together in some sensile pattern. #atterns,

"owing controlled symphonies o alance, which make sense, do not reside

in me. +y thoughts spin words around so uickly that they orm destructive

orces, like winds that low in our directions at once- urricanes- +aye I

should !ust start typing and that could e the title- $hat would e prooundly

disastrous to any career I might want to start ut also hilarious and sort o

serendipitous since, well at some point, talent and genius is nothing ut achaotic disaster- #eople like me need people, ut people like me hate

people-

I have a uniue mind, or creating usiness models that are so water tight

they cannot ail- /eally- $he are olded neatly like the most perect "ower.

0o, I realy mean it- +y usiness models are a thing o divinity and do not

lack any way, the innovation o eauty that is necessary to ecome historic

and world changing empires o might, power and *nance. 1ut I cannot

properly word the usiness plan. I mean I can sit you down at a *ne oard

tale and use the white oard, and pitch it to you in 23 minutes "at, rom

start to *nish. I !ust cant seem to draw them on paper- W&? I am such a

great writer, ut then there are those hurricanes- $hose hurricanes can

ecome too wordy to uickly and I cannot *nd where to cut any o those

words away without eeling that the entire plan is utterly destroyed o its

perection. #eople like me need people. #eople with usiness minds, ut no

usiness that they lack imagination. #eople like me need usiness minded

children at heart. )o those kind o people e4ist? Its hard to say rom the


2/9

con*nes o the la I lock mysel inside o. I have to have uite as I place

these pu%%le pieces together that "y at me at the speed o light- #eople like

me cannot e distured y people.

I need an audience. I need to share the other worldly inormation that runs

through the seat o my soul and spits out o my pineal gland. +y 5

rd

eye isopen. I teach with a power comparale to the (hrist. I do not understand I

678/'$90) ever word o every holy ook as i I wrote it with my own pen. I

am not e4aggerating- I did not ask or this git or even work or it. I was a

child teaching my own mother the mysteries o heaven. 'he did what any

good mother would do and sent me of to the church. 'he *gured children

like me, need people. 'he thought, a congregation o people should surround

me and that it would only e right or me to share the efortless :od head

download that had oviously een placed in me eore conception. $he

church, well, they dont want ;esus. $he re!ection was a crushing low o

emotional comat. It caused me to discover se4 and drugs and a *ne drink,

they call /emy +artin. I *nd more peace sharing my great wisdom with men,

wallowing in their own emotional crisis at little unky ars, and women, who

are thought to e loose and out o control- $hey listen to me like suare

people listen to sonnets. $hey sway to the rhythm o the lues playing in the

ackground and my words all at once, like somehow oth things are one. I

uote a scripture they have never heard Give strong drink unto him that is ready

to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Proverbs 31:6 They te me !

"ayne, # am not righteous or wise so # $uote another s%ripture !&o not be over

righteous, neither be overwise'' why destroy yoursef( These verses of the bibe, are

not popuar at your o%a %hur%h, but # find they do we for me on 6 thand )%*ay and in

the heart of the Ghetto in +ortaderdae + on 3 rdstreet under a tree at a pa%e we %a

!The hoot -ouse.$hey uy me a drink, that liuor is their ofering. I accept.

$hey reuest that I stay a little longer and continue. I can witness with my

own eyes the liting o heavy overearing weight rom their soul. Weight they

thought was their ault, ut not so. $hat way was placed y people claiming

to e like ;esus. I can see darkened eyes gain new "ame and the light

reaches my heart in good pace with the cognac and now, at this moment,

this is :6) and this ar, is my church. #eople like me are misunderstood nless

you have a romance with the utterly gutter and all things hood. )60$ 7I'I$

$here is a man that sits at Wards always alone, @aughing and talking to

himsel. I asked the hardened emale owner o the ar who is he. 'he

replied 1itch hes cra%y-, ut he dont other no ody, leave that man

alone I thought e Is (ra%y? I ask her who is is and she tells me he is(ra%y. I thought I would live to meet (ra%y. Its way my mind tics. +aye his

is !ust that. +aye he is the spirit, the spokesman so to speak, or the

condition o many people on this earth. +aye !ust maye he is the epitome

o an epidemic that has spread across the gloe and plagued the human

race, since 8ve, and (ain. (ra%y is de*ned uickly in a google search as

mentally deranged, especially as maniested in a wild or aggressive way. $his

man, sitting ten eet away, maye he, is holding the key. e may e the

emodiment o (/9A&- $hat is his name ater all. I mean according to this

woman, my name is itch and his name is cra%y. I am sure I am the

spokesperson or and emodiment o 1I$(, so, I must speak to (/9A&-

I walked over, and since he was already in deep conversation with that which

I could not perceive I decided rather uickly that as long as they let me ease

drop I would not interrupt.

aha aint that !ust how it goes- , Well she did it to hersel, 99999,

6n and on I listened to one side o this conversation. I reali%ed, that when

someone is conversing with someone you cannot see, you perceive it as

ramling. I had to know the ull content o the discourse. 'o I roke my

silence. What are you talking aout? I asked. Well ello e said to me, as

i clear and not insane at all. I was taken aack considering what I had !ustwitnessed.

= I ;>'$ @6'$ +& $/9I0 6B $6>:$- '6+8608 C0(6C8) 60 +& )66/

8/8 9$ 6+8 $8& )I)0$ (9@@ 18B6/8 $8& (9+8- #eople like me hat

announced visitors-

Where was I? 6h yes the man, how clear he was. I told him my name and

they he said @ook up there, over there at that light post I @ooked up and

saw a 78/& tall street light that was on the corner there.

&ou see that gal? he asked me &es I do, I see a 'treet @ight e conitued

I you clim up there on that thing and reach the top. $hen you !ump of

whats gonna happen?

I will all


4/9

'ho hell will, &ou will all right down and ust your ass and no ody or

nothing can change that. 0othing cant save you rom it. eyD I a #astor

(lim up there what ya think gone happen to him?

e will all

yep, and a doctor

e will all?

>+++ +++, you know why that is?

Its a long way up and i you !ump of you will !ust all

&eah ut )o &6> C06W W& $9$ I'?

0o. tell me.

99999, :/97I$&- 9999-

I started to laugh to, seemed like a simple thing or me to miss. 1ut the !oke

was not the end. e continued stillD

:ravity is a @aw. #8/I6). $hat law is like a universal law, it works the same

way or all o us. )ont matter who ya is, what ya give is what get, what do

comes ack, what ya plant is what ya grow on and on like dat. 999

I see what you mean

0aw, no you dont , see you think, the pastor, gone *4 it, the drink gone

heal it, the se4 gone make it eel etter, the riend gone ease it, the money

gone pay or it, 9999999 you see what Im sayn? )ont matter whoya are or what ya got or what you doD @9W' I' @9W'- $hey aint hard, they

aint complicated, they is !ust laws and 06 16)& (90 '978 &9 B/6+ I$-

&ou !ust taught me a very deep thing ra ra

&eah I did

I want to talk to you again

+e too

e misunderstood my motivation, and egan to "irt with me in heavyashion. I reali%ed this moment was also very important. ad he not egin to

e overearingly crass I might have misunderstood his wisdom as Who he

was and not an insanity that had possessed him.

&es Ill take another drink /emy 'traight no chase. &es I see you all the time

here as well. &es, we will talk more ne4t time I see ya- I am sorry you eel

lonely, maye you will will *nd a nice woman to ease that, e who you want


5/9

to *nd, like you told me. @9W. $here is some law they say is universal you

can use or that. $hey say its called @aw o attraction hasnt worked very

much or me ut you seem to understand these things etter. 06 I W60$

:6 6+8 WI$ &6> +90- &6> 9/8 (/9A&-

I dont know why I ound it necessary to eed you that story, not even sure

how I arrived at it, >//I(908'- 9nyway now I have orgotten the entire

point o this pouring out. I think I was trying to e4press the curse o genius-

$he reason why (urt (oains wake up and decide to low their rains out

and why +icheal ;acksons *nd need o tiny little pills and eccentric oolery,

why Whiney ustons < +arlon +anroes are ound dead in ath tus and

why #icassos cut their ears of- :enius is as close to insanity that one can

come without eing assigned to a strait !acket. 999999- :eniuss

088) #86#@8 9@@ $8 $I+8- #eople, caring, clapping, adoring, talking,

deating, drinking, laughing, dancing, making passionate and unorgettalelove, having wild and unencumered se4 ecause :enuss @678 #86#@8.

#eople, uite, in the other room, cooking, cleaning, organi%ing in irritating

ashion, disturing the *ne conusion o ones perect storm o mess and

organi%ing the things that are so wonderully unorgani%ed, aysitting, !ust

sitting, sitting silently !ust close enough to watch, 1>$ B9/ 806>: 9W9&

9' 06$ $6 )BI'$>/1 608' >I0E>8 808/:&-----, ecause :eniuss 9$8

#86#@8-

I !ust rememered that I told you that *tting in was another su!ect. I do not*t in. 0o, I )6 06$ BI$ I0 90& #@9(8 WI$ 90& :/6># 6B 90& '6/$- $hey

tell me solitary con*nement can e a orm o punishment. I have heard that

this type o punishment can drive a person insane. owever, like I said

eore, genius is already oarder lining insanity so its too late or that shit.

#eople like me need to e alone. 1ut there where silence is so loud that it

chatters unendingly with memories o past lives and inormation pouring out

the ether, there in that place is a rait whole so deep that i one should all

down it they shall 0878/ /8$>/0. I I were to allow mysel to converse with

me or some unrealistic amount o time I would egan to see and hear things

unimaginale to most minds, ut ever so easily created y a mind such asmine. +y mind is not me- $his too is another su!ect. owever touching upon

it seems so efortless at present that I will risk continuing. +& +I0) I' 06$

+8- +y mind is a machine, ut not like your computer, more like a super

computer. 'till more "e4ile than that, larger, all encompassing. I am a

universe in side o a universe inside o still another. $his too is another

su!ect all together. >//I(908'- In a way I have devised =y listening


6/9

intently to +oo!i = my guru < another teacher y the name 8ckhart $olle a

way in which to diferentiate my mind rom my true sel. 0ot that they are

really two, utD ow can I descrie this large spiritual thought with small

and meaningless 8nglish words? 6kD I have two hands = giving thanks to the

all I have two hands one on the let and one on the right. $hey serve me in

the same way yet in diferent ways. +y right hand is not my let and the letnot my right. +y oot is not my hand and my head is not my oot. 9ll o these

things can e said to e me. 1utD. I 9+ 06$ 90& 6B $8'8 $I0:'- I have

ound that in this way my mind is no diferent then a oot or a hand or a pair

o eyes. It is a tool in which I am to use in order to do. I I so choose to do, I

utili%e my mind to do, whatever it is that I will e doing. owever I, am not

)6I0: whatever it is that is eing done. I do not do. I 18. 999. I am a

eing. I spend my time in eternity eing and all the rest o the tools provided

are to serve me. $hese tools, mind, ody ectD they are the ones who do the

doing. 'o I reali%e like my hands are doing this typing my mind does the

thinking. I simply listen. I decide to accept or re!ect each idea or thought.'ometimes I love what I hear, as it is *lled with unparalleled eauty and

perection. 6ther times not so much. &ou see, my mind, is @69)8) with

inormation, some purposeully loaded and some loaded y simple sensory

processes, some inormation came y o e4perience, some ased on

recorded memory, some o it rom a time I do not recall in solid ashion, ut

it echoes rom some time in the ancient past or ar uture and they call this

suconscious. +y mind runs a program, I call it that ecause it is the correct

word or it in this present inormation age. $his program is very comple4. Bor

instance, lets say a man approaches me. $all, lack, ut red in tone, thick

lips, great uild, or tall White, golden hair with perect rosty highlights,@eonardo in 1lood )iamonds kind o se4y, a man who is well spoken and

oviously deep and intelligent, so deep and intelligent that it is ovious in

the smooth way o his approach. +y mind says 6 &8'- $hat guy would e a

wonderul shag and lots o great troule to get into. It says this ecause o

past e4perience and sensory processes. It sends a signal to my ody and

wellD >//I(908'- 1ut not soon ater I egan to like this man very much

and I egan to eel an attraction deeper then what is painted on the outside

my mind runs this program again, and pulls on past e4periences and

calculates a pro!ection, or a picture o the uture ased upon the current logic

it has come to hold concerning the issue at hand and then it speaks e istoo se4y, to smooth, he makes love too well, he must have done this many

times eore in order to perect the art in such a deep way, he is running

game- :8$ 6>$ WI@8 &6> '$I@@ (90 6n a perect day while sitting with

this perect lover out o the lue this thought, which has not even happened,

ut is simply the result o inormation, most o which has asolutely nothing

to do with this moment or this man, incites an emotion. 6nly I am clear that


7/9

this emotion is 06$ +8- +y mind is 06$ +8, the thought is 06$ +8- I eel

ear. I eel araid o getting hurt. 1ut I do not react, I do not *ght this eeling,

I may even cry. owever I am clear that this is only a thought pro!ected y

my mind ased on inormation and I am also clear that I can eel this ear

allow it to come in and move out and get ack to my day. I correct my minds

choice o reasoning and eed it another way to process. I say $hisdeepening o our emotions or this other individual may ecome risky, i we

do not love with a willingness to let this go when it is time, or the time may

come. When I and i I and this other person, comes to the end o this

#/8'80$ romance and it is no longer serving us, I will give thanks or $I'

06W $I+8 and let him go without lame, hurt or regret. I keep reinorcing

this new thought. $he ne4t time my mind runs its program. I do not hear the

prior thought, ut the corrected one. $he ne4t time in this same situation I do

not eel any ear at all. I +>'$ #/6:/9+ +& +I0)- I use my mind, it does

not use me, it is not me, it is a useul tool a part o me which is 08''9'9/&-

+y ego is not my enemy. I must learn to use it correctly as it has its placeand is useul where it is properly utili%ed. +y mind is not my enemy and my

emotions serve me as well. Why did I tell you this now, I knew i I touched on

it I would get lost in it- >//I(908' >//I(908' 90) +6/8 B>(CI0:

>//I(908'- 6kDD 'tay calm center, reocus. I was telling you aout the

danger o me eing trapped in long discourse with meD..

/ight. 6k. $his is a dangerous thing. owever I talking to my mind is also

necessary. I have to listen to it and take the time to reprogram and update

certain outdated and erroneous inormation. $his /8E>I/8' E>I$8- owever

let alone with it or too long is well. (/9A&- 6ne cannot sit and allow their

mind to ramle on and on- I would never get rest. It will !ust e trained to

think and think osessively and without a single solitary moment o uite- I

have to have uite to reprogram my mind, then I have to uite my mind,

then I 088) #86#@8- 'o that I can e introduced to new ways o perceiving

and new connections which teach me so much. #86#@8 @IC8 +8 088)

#86#@8 $6 $9@C $6 90) @I'$80 $66- 9nd #86#@8 @IC8 +8 088) #86#@8

'>$ ># 90) :6 9W9& @8$ +8 $I0C-

I am going to call this a chapter and make this the end o it. Its as good a

place as any to stop. #lus I have decided that this going to e my ook- I

dont have people- I have een spending my time connecting to theuniverse- I have ecome one with all things and all people, however I am

sure I achieved this y eing 9@608- Which is not serving me at present.

'ince I have no people and I cannot organi%e my own thoughts this ook will

e a ook o unorgani%ed thoughts- $he ramlings o a :enius oarder lining

insanity alone in the punishing solitary o her mind. 1ut o course with the

television on history F and my husand !ust close enough to touch, ut


8/9

silent, watching without hovering, playing some video game which intrigues

him. ;ust eing without interrupting the energy. 1ecause people like me need

good $7 shows and wonderul lovers.

(hapter F

I am strong- I am a master teacher. I understand the ways o the universe

and all o the simple oneness o as aove so elow esoteric @678 90) @I:$

that creates the @6:6' $9$ I' $8 +9:I( WI( maniests the worlds-

/I:$? I am an empath, a orn psychic. 0o really I dont even need the

cards or help. I can literally look you in your eyes and tell you aout your

entire lie- &ou know what eing gited in such a way means dont you? It

means I 978 $8 90'W8/' B6/ 9@@ 6B @IB8' E>;8'$60'--- /ight?....... 06

W/60:--- I have the answer or all o your lies uestions- Its a silly little

!oke o metaphysical nature. $he seer can see into everyones lie ut thereown. =0o really- Its a little known act that is well estalished in the world o

the e4tremely gited lessed and cursed, that all things are clear e4cept the

people live with every day. I guess it really isnt any diferent or normal

olk. I mean when I tell my lover a story aout another couple, there is a

clarity and wisdom which can not e matched y any proessional counselor

on earth. $he wisdom rolls o my lovers tongue like a :uru in tantric liss-....

=6oooooommmmmmm < 0amesteD @ove and light to you my dear

padawan- $hing is though when we are going through similar asurdities,

the clear vision in this eing ades like the dawning sun in ull "ight, right

eore the hori%on swallows it W6@8- (/9' 190: 166+- 8verything is

clear rom the outside looking in. Why in the hell is this? I mean what type o

magic is this? I mean honesty is the est policy right? I love you and you love

meD.. /ight? 1ut then what is loveD. 9nd I want to make loveD. >? &ou

mean you wanna uck? 84cuse my vernacular ut I swear all that I say to you

is said with the utmost respect and reverenceD.. I thinkD anyway I mean I

dont know you reader, ut I assumeD.. &8' I 9''>+8 you are a an since

you are reading this. I you are a an you are a geniusD I mean , well I

imagine that you are. &8', I think, I assume, I imagine, and I know. @ike I was

saying when I was !ust telling you aout yourselDDD. I mean I would ask

you to tell me a little aout yoursel, ut I wouldnt elieve a word o it, since

I already think I know. I assume you know that I know that communication is

the key. )id you know, Gthe longest distance that can e created etween

two lovers is communication. 6r.. was it a conversation? 9nywayD./eader

orget what you are saying I need you to validate my opinion o the situation

BI/'$- >//I(908'- 'orry aout that I lost track o what I was doing and

what I was saying and why actually, which happens a lot when we egan to

talk so much like this. I mean I never stop thinking, not even when you are


9/9

talking so Its hard or me to catch the meaning. &ou know what I mean? I

mean I cant 1elieve that &6> 9/8 '6 )IBBI(>@$ $6 (6++>0I(9$8 WI$-

Why cant you !ust hear me out reader- Why (90$ &6> ;>'$ >0)8/'$90)

what I try to say instead o talking aout what you want all the time. Its my

house, my laptop, my writing, and I have invested a lot o time in trying to

get you to understand +8- >//I(908'- 'orry again I am really mad at mylover today reader and I happen to e taking this out on youD or was that

my oss who pissed me of? &8' and the H am trac on IJK today really 9)

+8 89$8)- )o you know I am ehind with my class work and the ay got

sick in school today- $hese people called me at work and I told my oss that

I must pick up my kid, and take him to the doctor and he tells me something

like I you cant manage your personal lieD la la la. I dont know I

started seeing red ater that part. (old looded ustard- 'o I get to the clinic

and they tell me they can not *nd my kids records- Im like We have een

coming here or &89/', stupid lady-? ow can she not see him in there? 6h

and I got a ticket or parking today- (an you elieve they gave me a ticketor parking I0 B/60 6B $8 (@I0I( where we always park. 0ow its supposed

to e some kind o handicap spot, ut I 'W98/ I didnt see any sign at all-

Im going to *ght that. >//I(90' 90) +6/8 >//I(90' andD 6h what

were you saying? 'orry 9)), +y mind is on "ame I am trying to *nish what

I 978 $6 )6 /89)8/---- 6C- 'top putting so much pressure on me. I can

not !ust stop the world or &6>- I mean I am a +9'$8/ $89(8/- I have a lot

o people who need me and I (90 06$ )6 878/&$I0: 1& +&'8@B- 'top

trying to make +8 the '>0 in &6>/ >0I78/'8- :/6W >#- 6h wait what was

I saying, I mean what was this chapter aout? 'hit >//I(908'- &es the

ook is aout that- 'o we can go ack to that rom the eginning- (hapter 2I told you aout the dude at the ar. /ememer? 9nd then &ou saidD $hen I

said then. Wait that was me and my oss- old onD W& am I *ghting you

/89)8/? 6h yeah ecause &6> )60$ @I'$80 90) &6> )60$ :8$ I$-

$9$' W&- 6h y the way how was your day today? 8nough aout that

reader you are always so negative and I 9+ $8 80@I:$808) 608- 'o

@isten to meDD 'hit I 978 $6 $8@@ &6> 878/&$I0: /89)8/- &ou 0878/

$89( +8 90&$I0:- I am 60@& >+90 &9 C06W- $his conversation I'

678/-.................................. +editate that.

I mean this is the sound o love on 'aturday ater the /emy ottle is

emptyD.. /ight?

hurrincanes by felicia "lady rayne mccloud"

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