Page 13

I Don't Get It..... I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager. I use 2 computers, 3 email addresses, and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers and one weekly one. I watch both the local and network news every evening. And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!

Ice Capades A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned. At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!" The mother envisioned her in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades. She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a zamboni driver!"

“Do not overrate what you have

received, nor envy others. He who envies others

does not obtain peace of mind.“

- Buddha

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Page 14

Interactive Weather Our part of the country had gone for weeks with little or no rain. The TV weatherman, on his computerized map, was pointing out a thunderstorm 50 miles away. He placed his cursor over the region and clicked to zoom in on the storm. Watching, my son shook his head and said, "I sure wish he would click on that storm and drag it over here."

In the Pet Store "As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire. I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage: 'No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way.'"

An Irish Toast A guy raises his glass and toasts his blonde girlfriend. "May you be in Heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?" "That is an authentic Irish toast." "Oh. In that case, here's to bread, eggs and cinna-mon." "Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?" "That's French toast."

“If you ask

me anything I don't know,

I'm not going to

answer. “ - Yogi Berra

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Page 15

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins Submitted by Phyllis

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup wheat bran 1 cup flour

1 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp cinnamon ¼ cup chocolate chips 1 cup banana mashed 1 ½ cup brown sugar

1 cup Tetra Pak orange juice 1 egg

2 Tbsp canola oil

Mix together in order given. Fill muffin tins ¾ full of batter. Bake in 350°F oven for

18-20 minutes, or until done.

Makes a really nice moist muffin.

Howard came home from work one evening and there was

his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.

"What's the matter, darling?" he asked.

"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we

were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner -

but the dog has just eaten it."

"Don't worry," said Howard, "I'll get us another dog."

Page 16

Jar 47 A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - every-one except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thomp-son to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad. One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!" Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's......" But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!

It Figures They were looking down into the depths of the Grand Canyon. "Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?" "Well, I'll be darned," exclaimed the traveler. "I never knew this was a government job."

“Brought up to respect the

conventions, love

had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did. “ - Bette Davis

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