Writing to Describe

‘Conflict’

15 lessonsL1 What is ‘riot’?

word types - fire, explosions, crowds, etc etc etcL2 thoughts and feelings/perspectives police/rioter/photographer

conditionals – emotive languageL3 senses

connectives – connotations of colour and weatherL4 senses

semi-colons – onomatopoeiaL5 sentences for effect

short sentences – hyperboleL6 Fig language

commas – mets, sims, personification, hyperboleL7 Paragraphs

short paragraphs – linking signpostsL8 DraftL9 Draft

Writing Assessment ObjectivesFor Assignments 1, 2 and 3 (also see reading objectives for Assign. 3)

Band 1 (36–40):Confident and stylistic completion of challenging tasks throughout the PortfolioBand 2 (31–35): Frequent merit and interest in the choice of content and the manner of writingBand 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideasBand 4 (21–25): Satisfactory content with brief development and acceptable expressionBand 5 (16–20): Simple writing, the meaning of which is not in doubtBand 6 (11–15): Writing can be followed despite difficulties with expression

B1 W1: Candidates describe and reflect effectively upon experience, give detail and analyse thoughtfully what is felt and imagined. Arguments are cogent and developed in mature, persuasive thought.B2 W1: Candidates describe and reflect upon experience and analyse with occasional success what is felt and imagined. Some argument is well developed and interesting, although the explanation may not always be consistent.B3 W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.B4 W1: Candidates express with some clarity what is felt and imagined. Arguments are relevant to the topic and are developed partially with some brief effectiveness.B5 W1: Candidates express intelligibly what is felt and imagined. Arguments are expressed with variable relevance, logic and development.B6 W1: Candidates make a simple attempt to express what is felt and imagined. Arguments are expressed very simply and briefly.

B1 W2/5 (paragraphing): Facts, ideas and opinions are ordered logically, each stage in the argument or narrative carefully linked to the next. Paragraphing is a strength, and candidates are confident in experimenting where appropriate in the structure of expressive writing.B2 W2/5 (paragraphing): Facts, ideas and opinions are often well ordered so that the construction of the writing is clear to the reader. Sentences within paragraphs are mostly well sequenced, although some paragraphs may finish less effectively than they begin.B3 W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.B4 W2/5 (paragraphing): There is evidence of overall structure, but the writing may be presented more carefully in some sections than in others. There may be examples of repetition and the sequence of sentences within paragraphs may be insecure in places.B5 W2/5 (paragraphing): Facts, ideas and opinions are presented in paragraphs which may be inconsistent. The overall structure is unsound in places.B6 W2/5 (paragraphing): Facts, ideas and opinions may appear in partially formed paragraphs of inappropriate length and some attempt is made to provide a beginning and an end.

B1 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write with assurance, using a wide range of effective vocabulary and varied, well-constructed sentences.B2 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write with some confidence, demonstrating an emergent range of varied vocabulary and some fluency in the construction of sentences.B3 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.B4 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write with occasional competence, using a mixture of effective and straightforward vocabulary and some complex and some simple sentences. B5 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates use simple straightforward vocabulary. Simple sentences are correctly used and there may be an attempt to write complex sentences which have a slight lack of clarity.B6 W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates use simple, mainly accurate vocabulary. Attempts to write complex sentences may involve repetition of conjunctions and some blurring.

B1 W4: Candidates vary their style with assurance to suit audience and context in all three assignments. B2 W4: Candidates give evidence of understanding the need to write appropriately to audience and context even if there is not complete consistency in the three assignments.B3 W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.B4 W4: Candidates show occasional evidence of writing with some understanding of audience and context, but this is not sustained.B5 W4: Candidates make slight variations of style according to audience and context, although this does not seem deliberate.B6 W4: Candidates may show occasional, brief acknowledgement of the possibility of writing for different audiences and contexts, but overall there is little variation of style.

B1 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates write accurately. They use punctuation and grammatical structures to define shades of meaning. They spell simple, complex and technical words with precision.B2 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates show some signs of understanding how punctuation and grammatical structures can be used to aid communication. Errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar are minor, and rare at the top of this band.B3 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.B4 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): They use a limited range of punctuation and grammatical structure with some care, although occasionally grammatical error will cause the reader some difficulty. There may be quite numerous errors, particularly of sentence separation and the misuse of commas.B5 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates show knowledge of simple punctuation and grammar, but the amount of error, especially of tense and the use of prepositions, is sometimes considerable. Sentences separation is often poor, but error does not prevent the reader fromunderstanding what is written.B6 W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates occasionally use appropriate punctuation and can spell simple words, but the reader is not convinced that their understanding, especially of grammar, is adequate.

Reading marks for Assignment 3Band 1 (9–10) Candidates analyse and evaluate several ideas and details from the text(s), and develop lines of thought. Their own ideas are closely related to the original text(s) and show a good understanding of the main arguments.Band 2 (7–8) Candidates respond in detail to ideas from the text(s), explaining them and expressing views on them with varying degrees of effectiveness. There is some reference to details in the original. Their own ideas are based on those of the original text(s).Band 3 (5–6) Candidates show some response to the ideas in the text(s), summarising them and giving simple views on them. Their own thinking is relevant, if not always tightly focused on the original text(s).Band 4 (3–4) Candidates give a response to the original. Their ideas are relevant to the topic but make only occasional references to individual ideas or details in the original text(s).

Lesson 1

DO IT NOW…

Conflict

Layers of meaning.

Like the ice of an iceberg which is mostly hidden, often a word has lots of meaning that is hidden below the surface.

What meanings does the word ‘conflict’ suggest to you?

Physical conflict in riotLO: 1 - To understand how to express thoughtfully

what is felt and imagined. 2 – To understand I can expand my vocabulary by

using different word types.

Outcome: notes recording events of a riot and emotional responses to those events

Noun Adjective Verb Adverbfearful fearfully

aggressionangerviolence violent violently

horrifically

Complete table:

Divide your page into 4 quarters. Label the quarters

Nouns – ex. fire, kick, violence

Adjectives – ex. fierce, violent

Verbs – ex. burn, kick

Adverbs – ex. fiercely, violently

Using the images, record as many different words as you can in 5 minutes.

Developing basic sentences:Noun phrases – The fierce fireVerb phrases – burned violently

And, express ideas thoughtfully with effective sentence openings:

Horrifyingly, the fierce fire burned violently.

Angrily, the aggressive rioters smashed windows violently.

And, don’t forget the sentences we looked at last term, starting with ‘ed’ and ‘ing’

B2 W1: Candidates describe and reflect upon experience and analyse with occasional success what is felt and imagined

B3 W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader.

B4 W1: Candidates express with some clarity what is felt and imagined.

Lesson 2

DO IT NOW…What was the photographer thinking/feeling?

What was the subject thinking/feeling? What makes you think that?

LO: 1 - To understand how to develop emotive language to express thoughts and feelings about events

2 – To understand how model verbs can create effect.

Outcome: Description of riot from a specific 1st person viewpoint

Conditionals in the past tense: should have could have might have would have

Finish these sentences:

I should have phoned the police but/when/if…I could have phoned the police but/when/if…I might have phoned the police but/when/if…I would have phoned the police but/when/if…

What are the effects these different conditionals create?

Emotive language – making your reader ‘feel’ something

The calm policemen walked slowly towards the busy teenagers

Change the underlined words and rewrite the sentencea – to make the police seem threatening and the teenagers vulnerableb – to make the police seem frightened and the teenagers

aggressive

should have could have might have would have

The calm policemen walked slowly towards the busy teenagers

We can choose to write in the 3rd person

Which is useful if we want to share everything – but this can seem impersonal.

OR, we can choose to write in the 1st person

Calmly, I walked slowly towards the busy teenagers

How does this create a different effect?

Write a paragraph, describing this scene, from the viewpoint of the policeman, rioter or photographer.

And, use conditionals to show how you were feeling.

1st or 3rd person, which would create a more emotive effect?

B2 W1: Candidates describe and reflect upon experience and analyse with occasional success what is felt and imagined.

B3 W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader.

B4 W1: Candidates express with some clarity what is felt and imagined.

Lesson 3

Do it now…

In 20 words, what’s his story?

LO: To explore different ways to generate ideas

Outcome: To decide on an idea for the task and start to plan

Sound progress: Simple idea

Excellent progress: Developed idea with clear direction

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/8699993/UK-riots-A-festival-of-broken-glass.html

Watch the first 5:30 minuteshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wyANyRG10BBC3, 60mins, culturally diverse opinions

What common story are both the presenters telling?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjWifAuTwJg6mins, 4 youths, on the riverbank

What story are the boys telling?

The L.A. Riot

Batons flailing, curses and wailing; Senses wrung, *jury's not hung. Verdict shocking, nation rocking: Anger and tears, hate and fears. Tempers wearing, passion flaring; Pent up anguish through the years. **Conflagration, torches flung, Cries of bitterness are sung. Riots peaking to a stage of utter chaos in rage. Burning, looting, senseless shooting; If in the way, one dies that day. Guns reloading, minds exploding; Your time has come ... You cannot run. City burning, stomachs churning; Panic, fright throughout the night. Dreams are shattered, burned and battered, Once a goal now burned out hole. Violence reigns thru' tears and pain; Smoke is dense ... It makes no sense. We cry for peace and quick release From all this strife and loss of life ... But hate and greed this night is theirs To burn and kill ... Not hear our prayers.

Merle W. Kinne

*Hung jury – Can’t come to a decision**Conflagration - Fire

Is Merle a – a rioter, b – a police officer, c – an observer?How do you know?How does she feel about the event?

Decision time…1 – Who will you write as?

a – a rioterb – a police officerc – an observer

2 – What will be your attitude?a – angerb – fearc – confusion

Write your opening sentence(s)

- Hook your reader- Use interesting words (see poem)

- Use interesting sentence structure(s)

Sound progress: Simple idea

Excellent progress: Developed idea with clear direction

Lesson 4

DO IT NOW…

Order the story structure:

The firemen put out the fire.

I was on the bus, on my way into town.

There were traffic jams and people everywhere

I was with my mate, Jack.

There was a huge, raging fire where the restaurant used to be.

Learning Objective: To understand how to structure an effective narrative

Outcome: To plan the structure for the narrative Sound progress: For my story, I have an introduction, development and ending Excellent progress: I have a 5 part story structure

RiotA riot is the language of the unheard. —martin luther king

John Cabot, out of Wilma, once a Wycliffe,all whitebluerose below his golden hair,wrapped richly in right linen and right wool,almost forgot his Jaguar and Lake Bluff;almost forgot Grandtully (which is TheBest Thing That Ever Happened To Scotch); almostforgot the sculpture at the Richard Grayand Distelheim; the kidney pie at Maxim’s,the Grenadine de Boeuf at Maison Henri.

Because the Negroes were coming down the street.

Because the Poor were sweaty and unpretty(not like Two Dainty Negroes in Winnetka)and they were coming toward him in rough ranks.In seas. In windsweep. They were black and loud.And not detainable. And not discreet.

Gross. Gross. “Que tu es grossier!” John Cabotitched instantly beneath the nourished whitethat told his story of glory to the World.“Don’t let It touch me! the blackness! Lord!” he whisperedto any handy angel in the sky.But, in a thrilling announcement, on It droveand breathed on him: and touched him. In that breaththe fume of pig foot, chitterling and cheap chili,malign, mocked John. And, in terrific touch, oldaverted doubt jerked forward decently,cried, “Cabot! John! You are a desperate man,and the desperate die expensively today.”

John Cabot went down in the smoke and fireand broken glass and blood, and he cried “Lord!Forgive these nigguhs that know not what they do.”

Gwendolyn Brooks

Rewrite this narrative poem in 5 lines (5 part story)

Plan the structure of your story:Opening -Development -Complication(s) -

--

Climax -Resolution -

(One sentence per section)

Sound progress: For my story, I have an introduction, development and ending Excellent progress: I have a 5 part story structure

(mark books)

Lesson 5

DO IT NOW…Which title best suits your story. Choose one and explain.• The voice in my head• Don’t judge me• In my world• Missing the point• Terrorised

LO: To understand how to write an effective openingOutcome: Students write an interesting opening and develop the following paragraphs

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

• The voice in my head• Don’t judge me• In my world• Missing the point• Terrorised

1 Discuss how these titles could link to the theme of ‘Riot’

2 Write the title for your story – use above or write one of your own

How do these openings hook the reader in?

Despite the absence of any visual evidence, the acrid smell of something burning hung heavy in the air, indicating the devastation of what was happening two streets away.

Crash! The plate glass window shattered into millions of tiny diamonds.

‘C’mon’ cried Matt, from the speaker of my mobile. ‘They’re breaking into Currys; they’re going in through the smashed windows’.

I don’t know what came over me. Normally, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that but…. Well, that night, everything was mad… Out of control…. Adrenalin started pumping through my veins. I just got caught up in the excitement of it all.

Untroubled, I’d kissed my daughter goodnight before going on duty that night. We’d had dinner together then my wife had cleared the kitchen whilst I’d put Sophie to bed and eventually, I’d left them, safely at home, to start a night shift.

Description humour dialogue short tense sentencemystery emotive image repetition rhetorical question

Write the opening to your story.

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

Lesson 6

DO IT NOW…

Write a list of the 5 senses? And what about the sixth?

Learning Objective: To understand that well chosen words and phrases clarify meaning.

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

Figurative language is the use of implicit language (you’re implying/suggesting).Figurative devices are:

SimilesMetaphorsPersonificationHyperboleOnomatopoeiaAn oxymoron (freezing heat)

Match them to the definitions

Giving an inanimate object living characteristics

An extravagant or exaggerated statement Comparing something to something else Using opposites for emphasis Using an image of one thing to emphasise

the image of something else A word that sounds like the noise it is

describing

Identify the figurative language from this extract from a GCSE A* answer

It was then that we noticed that what we had thought was an innocent grey cloud was, in fact, a moving swirling mass that swirled more quickly than any cloud we had ever seen move before. As if as one, we suddenly realised that it wasn't a cloud at all: it was smoke - thick, dark, haunting smoke. There was a fire somewhere - surely a huge fire! And everyone was pushing and shoving to get a closer look at what was going on.

Write sentences (using figurative language) to describe:the smell of fire…the taste of fire…the sound of fire…the sight of fire…the feel of fire…the emotional effect of fire…

Giving an inanimate object living characteristics An extravagant or exaggerated statement Comparing something to something else Using opposites for emphasis Using an image of one thing to emphasise the image

of something else A word that sounds like the noise it is describing

Continue writing your story – the development of character and setting – use figurative language

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

Lesson 7

DO IT NOW…

Rewrite this with punctuation:

I don’t know what came over me normally I wouldnt dream of doing anything like that but well that night everything was mad out of control adrenalin started pumping through my veins i just got caught up in the excitement of it all

Learning Objective: To know how to use a variety of sentences to improve our writing

Outcome: To use a range of sentences and punctuation for effectBand 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

I don’t know what came over me. Normally, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that but…. Well, that night, everything was mad… Out of control…. Adrenalin started pumping through my veins. I just got caught up in the excitement of it all.

Despite the absence of any visual evidence, the acrid smell of something burning hung heavy in the air, indicating the devastation of what was happening two streets away.

Compare the lengths of sentences: What different effects do the create for the reader?

Carry on writing your story – the complication – use a variety of sentences and punctuation.

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

Lesson 8

LO: To understand basic words should be spelt accuratelyOutcome: All writing has been checked for mistakes

They’re/there/theirTo/two/tooOur/are

Same letters, different sounds Same sound, different letters

Carry on writing – Climax

Band 3 (26–30): Competent writing with some development of ideas• W1: Candidates express clearly what is felt and imagined and supply some detail, explanation and exemplification for the benefit of the reader. Arguments are expressed in a competent series of relevant points and a clear attempt is made to develop some of them.• W2/5 (paragraphing): A clear attempt is made to present facts, ideas and opinions in an orderly way, although there may be some insecurity in the overall structure.• W3/5 (sentence structures): Candidates write competently, using appropriate if sometimes unadventurous vocabulary and writing sentences that mostly link ideas successfully.• W4: Candidates make a clear attempt in at least one assignment to write with a sense of audience and there may also be some evidence of adapting style to context.• W5 (spelling, punctuation and grammar): Candidates use punctuation and grammar competently although the range is not strong. There may be a number of minor errors especially at the bottom of this band and even occasional errors of sentence separation.

Lesson 9

Learning Objective: To know how to write a well managed ending that fits the writing

Outcome: To compete the first draft