i'm anxious! - 25 reasons - carl vernon · in this small but powerful book, i list the top 25...
TRANSCRIPT
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I’mAnxious!25REASONSYOUHAVEANXIETY–ANDWHATYOUCANDOABOUTIT
CarlVernon
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Copyright©2020CarlVernonAllrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recording,orotherelectronicormechanicalmethods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedincriticalreviewsandcertainothernon-commercialusespermittedbycopyrightlaw.
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Findallmybestsellingbooksat:https://www.carlvernon.com/books
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Findoutmoreaboutcoaching,workshopsandcoursesatwww.carlvernon.com
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Areyoufeelinganxious?
Ifyouare,you’renottheonlyone.
Infact,aboutoneinfiveofusisdealingwithhigherthannormallevelsofanxietyonanygivenday.
Ispentaboutfifteenyearslivingwithhighanxiety,tothepointwhereIwashousebound,soIknowall
aboutit.
Inthissmallbutpowerfulbook,Ilistthetop25reasonswhyyou’reanxious–andtellyouwhatyou
candotohelp.
Therightanswers,combinedwithalittlebitofwillpowerandself-belief,canbelife-changing.
CarlVernon
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#1:You’relookingforacure
Let’sbeclearfromthestart.Youwon’tfindacureforanxietyinthisbook.Why?Becausethereisn’t
one!
Thekeytodealingwithanxietyisappreciatingthatitwillalwaysbethere.Ratherthanaimingtogetridofitbyfindingacurethatdoesn’texist,yourfocus
shouldbeonbettermanagingit.
Whenyougetsadorangry,doyouwanttogetridoftheseemotions?Ofcoursenot!Feelinganxiousis
justasnormalandhealthy.
Thetruthis,whenyou’redealingwithsevereanxiety,you’redealingwithhigherthannormal
levelsofanxiety–that’sall.
Inotherwords,youjusthavetobringyouranxietybackdowntoamorebalancedlevel.
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Changehowyouviewanxiety
Beclearthatacureforanxietydoesn’texist.
Anxietyisafixed,naturalpartofourlives,soyouhavetostartgettingcomfortablelivingwithit.
Stopfightinganxiety,becauseit’sabattleyou’ll
neverwin.
Instead,lookatanxietyasafriend–afriendwhowillalwaysbethereforyou,keepingyousafeandprotectingyou.Putyourarmaroundanxietyand
thankitforbeingthereforyou.
Knowthatyouarenormal,andallyouneedtodoisaimformorebalance.
FindouthowinAnxietyRebalance.
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#2:Yourfocusisoff
Thenexttimeyou’reinthecaroronabike,lookinthedirectionyouwanttogoandyou’llnaturallygo
inthatdirection(don’thitanything!).
Lifeisverymuchthesame.Whateveryoufocusoninlife,youwillgetmoreof–that’safact.Ifyour
focusisonanxiety,therearenoprizesforguessingwhatyou’llgetinreturn.
Overcominghighanxietyrequiresamajorshiftin
focus.
AsAlbertEinsteinsaid,thedefinitionofinsanityisdoingthesamethingoverandoveragainand
expectingdifferentresults.
It’stimeforanewdirection.
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Lookinthedirectionyouwanttogo
Ifyoukeepheadinginthesamedirection,doingthesamethingsyou’vealwaysdone,youwon’tget
anythingdifferent.
Decidenowwhereyouwantyourlifetogo.
Pictureeachstepofthejourneyandtheenddestination,andyou’llnaturallyheadinthat
direction.
Focusonwhatyoudowant,ratherthanonthethingsyoudon’twant.Remember–youwillget
whateveryoufocuson.
Askyourself:whatdoIwant?Youroddsofachievingithavejustincreasedby100%.
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#3:Youliveintheworldof‘whatif…?’
Livingintheworldof‘whatif…?’causesustoseriouslyoverthink.Whenweoverthink,wecreate
problemsthatdon’texist.
Ilivedintheworldof‘whatif…?’formanyyears.Ican’tcountthenumberoftimesIdiedatragic
death,orhadsomethingunspeakablehappentome(allinmyhead,ofcourse).
Highanxietyhasanincredibleabilitytomakeyouthinkandbelieveallsortsofthings.Themoreyouthink,themorebizarreyourthoughtshavetobeto
grabyourattention.
Youcreateyourownworld.Ifyougooutbelievingallpeoplearehorrible,that’sexactlywhattheworldwilldeliver.Whenyougooutwithasmileonyour
face,yougetsmilesback.
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Startcreatingandlivingintheworldyouwant
You’vebeenlivinginamade-upworldforfartoolong–it’stimetostartlivingintherealworld.
It’stimetostartcreatingaworldyouwanttolive
in.
Thenexttimeyouleaveyourhome,thinkabouthowyouwanttheworldtotreatyou.
Ifyouwantrespect,kindnessandgenerosity,startbehavingrespectfully,kindlyandgenerously.
Theworldisareflectionofyou.
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#4:Worryinghasbecomeabadhabit
Worryingisabadhabit.Thelongeryou’vebeenaddictedtothisbadhabit,thestrongeritwillbe.Youmightevenworrywhenyouhaven’tgot
anythingtoworryabout!
Althoughyouknowworryingisnogoodforyou(becauseit’sexhaustingandpointless!),you
continuetodoitbecauseithasbecomepartofwhoyouare.Ithasbecomeafixedpartofyourroutine.
Worryingisahabityouhavetobreak,givingyoutheopportunitytodevelopbetter,healthierhabitsthatwilltakeyourlifeforward,notholdyouback.
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Breaktheworryhabitandlookfornew,betterhabits
Ittakestimetogetoutofabadhabit(likeworrying),butitstartswithmakingaconsciousdecisionthatyou’regoingtodosomethingaboutit
–NOW.
Don’tjustgothroughthemotions.Instead,recogniseyourbehaviourandpatterns.
Ratherthancontinueaworryingtrainofthought,formanewhabitoftakingaction(#5willhelp).
Youcan’texpecttostopabadhabitovernight–especiallyifithasbeenahabitforyears,oreven
decades.Bepatient.
Makethatdecisiontoday,andtakeitonestepatatime.Overtime,youwillunravelthatbadhabitin
thesamewayyoudevelopedit.
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#5:You’vestoppedtakingaction
It’sanxietyoraction.Thereisnomiddleground.You’reeithertakingaction–orallowinganxietyto
takeover.
Lifeisaseriesofactions.Somepeopletakemoreactionsthanothers,andthesepeopletendtobethe
oneswhoarelivingthelivestheywant.
Theactionsyoutakewon’talwayswork,butaslongastheyleadontomoreaction,itdoesn’tmatter.It’s
aboutprogression,notperfection.
Youalwayshaveachoice–everybodydoes.Youcanstayathomeinbed,withthecurtainsdrawn,
wishingforthedaytoend,oryoucantakeaction.
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Neverstoptakingaction
Theonlywayoutofhighanxietyisthroughtakingaction.
Actionisyourdirectroutetolessanxiety.
Itdoesn’tneedtobeanythingbig.Itcanstartwithsomethingassmallaschangingyourphysicalstate–likedecidingtosmileinsteadofbowingyour
head.
Thatactionwillleadontoanotheractionyouwouldn’thavetakenifhighanxietywasyourfocus.Whoknows,overtime,wherethatmighttakeyou?
Neverstoptakingaction.
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#6:Fightorflightisbeingabused
We’veallheardoffightorflight–nature’sbuilt-insystemtohelpusgetoutofdanger.That’sthethingyou’reabusing.You’renotdoingitintentionally,but
nevertheless,it’shappening.
Thisfabuloustooleveryoneisbornwithisbeingoverused,becauseanxiouspeopleover-reacttonormalsituations.Wemayperceiveeverydaythingslikegoingoutwithfriendsorgoingtothesupermarkettobehellonearth–usuallybecause
wepanickedthelasttimewedidit.Ifyou’regoingtostartenjoyingthebasicthingsinlife,youhavetostartlookingatthemwithout
thinkingtheymeanimpendingdoom–becausetheydon’t!
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Retrainyourbrain
Ifyoujumpintothepoolatthedeependwithoutlearningtoswim,you’llfranticallysplashabout,and
promiseyourselfyou’llneverdoitagain.
Thekeytosuccessfullyretrainingyourbrainistotakeitslowly,andtakeitonesmallstepatatime.
Provetoyourbrainthatwhateveryou’reafraidtododoesn’tposeathreatbyfacingitfrequently.
Avoidingwhateveryou’reafraidtodowillonlylead
tomoreavoidanceandanxiety.
Getridofthethreatandenjoythefreedom.
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#7:Youdon’thaveto
Thisisthereasonthatwillhityouthehardest.Ifyoucanbestrongenoughtoconsideritproperly,andnotimmediatelytakeoffence,itwillchange
yourlife–becauseitis100%accurate.
Wedothingsbecausewehavetodothem.Thesamegoesforthethingswedon’thavetodo–wedon’t
dothembecausewedon’thaveto.
Ifyoudecidenottogotothesupermarket,whowillgoforyou?Ifyoudon’tgotowork,whowillpaythebills?Ifyoudon’tseefriends,haveyouconvincedyourselfit’sbecauseyoudon’tneedpeopleinyour
life?
It’sonlywhenweputourselvesina‘haveto’statethatthingsgetdone.
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ScrapyourplanB
AlbertEinsteinsaidthatlifeislikeridingabicycle,andtokeepyourbalanceyoumustkeepmoving
forward.
Imaginethere’sachainsawcomingatyoufullpelt,andyouhavenochoicebuttomoveforward.Goingbackwardsorstoppingmeansgettingstuckinthe
cuttingchainsofanxiety.
Don’tgiveyourselfaplanB.Instead,makeitsoyouhavetodowhateveryouwanttochange.Makeitsolivingalifedominatedbyhighanxietyisnolonger
anoption.
Tellthepeoplearoundyouexactlywhatyou’regoingtodo.Yournaturalneedforapprovalfromotherswillreinforceyour‘haveto’mentality.
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#8:Youfearthefear
Callitapprehensionorworryifyoulike,butwhenyou’reinastateofhighanxiety,youfearwhatfearmightdonext.Inotherwords,youfeelanxious
aboutbeinganxious.
Doyourememberthelasttimeyoudidsomethingbrave?Howdidyoufeelafterdoingit?Didyou
wanttodoitagain,andagain,andagain,becauseitwasn’tasbadasyouhadanticipateditwouldbe?
Maybeyoufeltexhilarated.
Theworstpartofpushingpastyourcomfortzoneisthefeelingoffearyougetwhenyougotomakeithappen.Thisfeelingisthethingwefearthemost,nottheactionitself–andlearningtoharnessthisfearwillpushyoutoachievethingsyounever
thoughtpossible.
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Feelthefear,anddoitanyway
SusanJeffers’booktitlesumsitupperfectly.
Acceptthatthefeelingoffearwillalwaysbepartofyourjourney.
Knowthatitwillbethemostchallengingpartof
yourgrowth,andonceyoubreakthroughit,theskyisthelimit.
Lookbackwithasmileonyourface,andlook
forwardtothenextchallenge.
Fear(anxiety)willnolongerdictateyourfuture.
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#9:‘Autopilot’isswitchedoff
Haveyoueverbeendrivingandreachedyourdestinationwithoutrememberinghowyougot
there?Fornon-drivers,maybethishashappenedtoyouwhenyouweredoingatask,likecleaningthe
house?
Whenapilotneedsarest,orwhenshedoesn’thavetocontroltheplane,shecanswitchtoautopilot.Shewillgobacktooperatingtheplanewhenshe’sneeded,likeduringturbulenceorwhenlanding.Yourbraindoesthesamething.Whenyou’re
familiarwithatask,yourbrainallowsyoutoswitchto‘autopilot’,givingyourbraintherestitneeds
(anddeserves).
Whenyou’rehighlyanxious,youdon’tallowyourbraintoswitchtoautopilotbecauseyou’reon
constantalert.Thismeansyoufeelexhaustedallthetime.
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Learntoletgo
Whenyougointoautopilot,it’saverypositivesign.
Itshowsthatyourbrainhasbeencomfortableenoughtoputyouinasubconsciousstate,which
meansyouranxietyisundercontrol.
Togetintothisstate,andgiveyourselfawell-deservedrest,youhavetolearntoletgo.
Takeyourwhiteknucklesoffthehandlebarsoflifeandembracethejourney,includingallitsupsand
downs.
Puttrustinyourselfthatyouwillalwaysfindaway,andrememberthatyoucandealwithanythingthat
comesyourway.
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#10:You’redependentonsomething
Itmightbeapersoninyourlife.Itcouldbeanobjectoraroutine.Maybeit’smedication.Whateveritis,it’sstuntingyourgrowthandpreventingyou
frommovingforward.
Themoredependentyoubecome,theworseyouranxietygets.Theshort-termcomfortyougetfromfulfillingyourdependencymightfeelgoodtobeginwith,butthiswillquicklyturnintoabadhabit,until
yourindependenceiscompletelyobliterated.
Ahappyandfulfillinglifewithlessanxietycannotexistwithoutahealthydoseofindependence.
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Growyourindependence
Thegreatthingaboutindependenceishowquicklyitcanbegrown.
Likeamuscle,itwillgetbiggerandstrongerthe
moreyouexerciseit.
Whatactioncanyoutakerightnowtostartbeingmoreindependent?
Makeadecision–nomatterhowsmall.Simplyby
makingadecision,you’vebecomemoreindependent.
Keepgrowingthoseindependentmuscles.
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#11:There’snothingleftinthetank
Anxietyhasagreatwayofzappingthelittleenergyyouhave,whichiswhythecycleoffearandworry
continueswithnorest.
Youloseyourappetite–notonlyforlife,butalsoforfood.Andthat’sanissue,becausefoodisthe
verythingthatwillgiveyouenergy.
Withoutfood(energy),youwon’thavewhatittakestodealwiththecurveballslifewillthrowatyou,includingtheanxietyandstressthatcomewithan
active,fulfillinglife.
Anxietywillcontinuetopileupaslongasyourenergylevelsarelow.
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Fillyourtank
Youcan’trunonemptyanymore.It’stimetofillyourtank.
Evenifyoudon’tfeellikeeatingwhenyou’re
anxious,youhaveto.
Grabsomethingthatdoesn’ttaketoomuchefforttoeat,likeaproteinshake.
Someproteinshakesarealmostasgoodasameal,andcangiveyoutheenergyyouneedtopushyouforward–untilyou’rereadytopickupthosechopsticksandstarteatingproperlyagain.
Withenergy,you’llachievethingsyoudidn’tthink
wouldbepossible.
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#12:Thepastandfuturesupersedethepresent
Mostofouranxietycomesfromwallowinginthepastandworryingaboutwhatmighthappeninthe
future.
Thereislittlepointinlivingwithregret.Thepasthasgone–thereisnothingyoucandoaboutitand
nothingyoucanchange.Thesamegoesforworryingaboutthefuture.Yourtimewouldbebetterspentfocusingonwhatyoucando,rather
thanworryingaboutwhatmighthappen.
Theonlythingthatisrealisthismoment,rightnow.Thepasthasgone,andthefuturehasn’thappened
yet.
It’stimetostartbeingmorepresentinthemoment.
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Bemorepresent
Whenyoufeelanxietystartingtobite,drawyourselfbackinbybeingmorepresent.
Immediatelyrefocusbybecomingfullyconsciousofyourpresentstate.(Ifindithelpstoclosemyeyesandtakeaseat–sittingdowncantakeawaythe
urgencythatcomeswithstress.)
Remember:theonlythingthatisrealisthismoment,rightnow.Nothingelsematters.
Thepasthasgone,andthefuturehasn’thappened
yet.
Thepowerisinthenow.
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#13:Youhaveagift
Ifyou’vebeendealingwithhighanxietyforawhile,youhavenoideahowspecialyouare.
Youhaveagift,andthegiftyoupossessiscreativity.
HowdoIknowthis?Becauseyouhavetobecreativetobeconsistentlyanxious!Howelsewouldyoumanagetomusterupallthosethoughtsyou
have?
Likeanygift,itcanalsobeacurse–unlessyouuseitproperly.
Yourgiftwillgotowaste(or,worse,beusedto
createlotsmoreanxiety)unlessyouutiliseittoitsfullpotential.
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Channelyourcreativity
Let’sputyournegativethoughtstogooduse.
HerearesomecreativehobbiesIwouldrecommend:reading,writing,painting,drawing,cooking,embroidery,gardening,photography,
dancingandknitting(yes,knitting!).
Havingagoalrelatingtoyourhobby(suchascompletingaDIYprojectorlearninganew
languageorinstrument)isalsogreatforbanishingnegativethoughts.
Getstartedtoday!
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#14:Youdon’ttakerisks
Takingagamblemeanssomethingmightgowrong.Thatwouldrequireyoutotakeresponsibilityfor
youractions,andanxietydoesn’tlikethat.
Anditdoesn’tmatterhowtinytheoddsareofsomethinggoingwrong–youfocusonthosetinyoddsratherthanlookatthebiggerpicture,which
preventsyoufromgoingoutandlivinglife.
WhenIwasagoraphobic,Iconsistentlyplayedthewrongodds.Filledwithfearandthoughtsof‘whatif…?’,Ilookedatmyfrontdoorandfroze.The
minusculechanceofsomethingbadhappeningtomeifIwentoutalwayswonmeover,resultingin
mebeinghouseboundformonths.
Whatoddsareyouplayingwith,andwhatareyourisking?
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Putyourchipsintherightbox
IfItoldyouthatyouhada99.9%chanceofwinninginlife,wouldyoutakethatchancewithme?Ihope
so–that’saboutthebestoddsyoucanget.
Well,that’sexactlywhatI’mtellingyou.
Bynottakingachanceinlife(whetherthismeansnotleavingyourhouse,notapplyingforthatnewjobornotseeingyourfriends),you’replayingwiththe0.1%chancethatsomethingwillgowrong.
IknowwhatoddsI’mplayingwith.
Whataboutyou?
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#15:Youlivewithinyourcomfortzone
Everybodyhasacomfortzone–azoneinwhichtheyfeelsafe.Ifyou’reanxious,it’slikelythatyour
comfortzoneisn’tverybig.
Highanxietylikestokeepyourcomfortzonesmallbecauseitmakesiteasiertokeepyousafe.Theproblemwiththisisthatyourcomfortzonecouldshrinksomuchthatyoumightbecomeuneasyaboutdoingeverydaythings,likeleavingyour
house.Orleavingyourbedroom.
Ifyourcomfortzoneshrinkstoomuch,it’sfarfrombeingcomfortable–andthemoreunfamiliaryoubecomewithyoureverydayenvironment,the
worseitgets.
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Getfamiliarwithunfamiliarity
Ahighlyanxiousbrainlikesfamiliarity.
Familiaritymakesitfeelmoreincontrol–andsafer.
That’sOK,untilitpreventsyoufromdoingallthethingsyoushouldbedoinginlife–likeleavingyour
house.
Youhavetoputyourselfinunfamiliarenvironmentstoprovetoyourbrainit’sOK.
Themoreyoudoit,thebetteryou’llbecomeathandlingunfamiliarenvironments,andthelessanxiousyou’llbeabouttryingnewthings.
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#16:Avoidancegivesyoucomfort
Theproblemwiththiscomfortisit’sveryshort-sighted.
Avoidingthatpartyorweddingmightgiveyou
comforttobeginwith,butwhereisitleadingyou?Whatdirectionisyourlifetakingifyoukeepavoidingthethingsthathelpyougrow?
Itrynottohaveregrets,butwhenmyanxietywasatitspeak,Ideliberatelymissedbiglifeeventslikemyfriends’partiesandweddings.Ican’tgetthat
timeback.
Socialisolationisnotgoodorhealthy.Studieshaveshownthatitcanleadtoallsortsoflong-termproblems,including–youguessedit–anxiety.
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Avoidavoidance
Howareyouevergoingtoknowifyou’veovercomeyourfearofspidersifyoukeepavoidingthem?Howareyouevergoingtoknowyoucanliveabalancedlifewithlessanxietyifyoukeepavoidinglife?
Embraceeverysocialopportunityyoucan;
appreciatelife.It’sshort.
It’stimetostartsayingyes.
Breakthroughthatcomfortzoneandstopallowingtheshort-termcomfortofsaying‘no’toholdyou
back.
Putawayyourexcuses.Startavoidingavoidance.
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#17:Youhaven’tgottotherealcause
Inmypursuitofanswers,Iestablishedthatpeoplehavetwoprimaryfearsthatallouranxietiesrelatebackto:(1)thefearofdeath,and(2)thefearofpeople.Inmybook,AnxietyRebalance,IcallthistheDPrule.(Dstandsfordeath,andPforpeople.)
Forexample,oneofmygreatestfearswashavingapanicattackinpublic.Iestablishedthattherealfearbehindthiswasdyingfromthepanicattack,and
beingembarrassedinfrontofotherpeople.Inotherwords,thisfearlinkedbacktodeathandpeople.
Tryitforyourself.Writedownyourgreatestfear,andthenkeepasking‘why’untilyoureachthereal
causeofyourfear.
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Knowyouhaveaheadstart
Knowingthatyourfearalwaysgoesbacktojusttwothings(deathandpeople)isgreatnews,becauseyouknowexactlywhatyou’redealingwith.
You’venowtakenawaytheunknown,andtherefore
takenawaytheneedtobeanxious.
Usethe‘why’techniqueasmuchasyouneedto,andreinforcethisknowledge.Quickexample:Ican’t
leavemyhouse.Why?BecauseIfeeltooafraid.Whydoyoufeeltooafraid?BecauseI’mafraidI’llhaveapanicattack.Whyareyouafraidthatyou’llhaveapanicattack?Continueuntilyougettothereal
causeofyourfear.
Keepitsimple;don’tallowhighanxietytoovercomplicateyourfears.
Makeovercomingthesetwofearsyourpriority,ratherthanallowingyourselftobecaughtupin
worryingabouttheunknown.
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#18:Youhavenoroutine
Yourbrainlikesroutine.That’swhy,ifyoudon’thavearoutine,yourmindcanquicklybecomea
breedinggroundforanxiousthoughts.
Withoutaroutine,you’redoingverylittle,doingnothing,orflittingbetweenonethingandthenext–
allthesescenariosleadtomoreanxiety.
Whenyouknowwhat’scomingup,ittakesawaytheunknown,whichiswhatwewanttodo.Banishingtheunknownmeansyouhaveverylittlecausefor
anxiety.
Youdon’thavetoplanyourdaywithmilitaryprecision,butknowingwhatyou’regoingtodo
whenyougetoutofbedisthebeststarttoyourday–andtherestofthedaytendstofollowinthesame
fashion.
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Getalittlemorestructure
Startyournewroutineadayinadvance.
Beforeyougotobedtonight,planwhatyou’lldotomorrow,fromwhenyougetoutofbedtowhen
yougotobedatnight.
Highlighteachstep,andsticktoitasmuchasyoucan.
Purpose,gettingthingsdone,andendingprocrastinationarejustafewofthebenefitsyou
canexpect.
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#19:You’rebreathingintoxicfumes
Whenyou’redealingwithhighanxietyyouneedasmuchpositivityasyoucanget,anditdoesn’ttakemuchexposuretoatoxicpersontoinfluencehow
youfeel.
Balancedictatesthat,aswellashavingplentyofgoodpeopleinyourlife,therewillbeplentyofbadones,soyoucanguaranteetherewillbetoxic
peopleinyourliferightnow.Whenyouthinkaboutit,you’llknowwhotheyare.Theyhaveagreatwayofsuckingjoyoutoflifeanddon’thavemanypositiveorgoodthingstosay.
Theytalkaboutthepastalotandseemtoplaytheroleofvictim.Theyareemotionalvampires!
Thistoxicityischokingyouandfuellingyourhighanxiety.Findingcleanairandspacewillgiveyouthepositiveplatformyouneedtomoveforward.
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Attractthepositiveandrejectthetoxic
Recognisethetoxicpeopleinyourlife,andlimitthetimeyouspendwiththem.
Don’tallowthemtoinfluenceyouandyourfuture.
It’sneverbeeneasiertomeetpeople,andifyou’restrugglingtofindpositivepeople,lookharder–
theyareoutthere.
Ifyou’renotinagreatmentalplaceyourself,you’llfindithardertoattractpositivepeople.(Remember
–yougetmoreofwhatyoufocuson.)
Youhavetobereadyformorepositivity.
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#20:You’velostyourpurpose
OneoftheworsttimesofmylifewaswhenIwokeupeverymorningnotwantingtogetoutofbed.I
feltlikeIhadnopurposeormeaning,andwhenthatfeelinghitme,allIwantedtodowasthrowthe
blanketsbackovermyhead.
Purposeiswhatgivesusmeaning,andwhenwefeellikewehavenopurpose,welosefocus–andlosing
focuscanresultininstantanxiety.
Youdon’thavetohaveagrandpurpose–justthefeelingofknowingyou’reneededisallittakes.
Thefactis,you’realwaysneeded(andwanted).
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Don’tforgetyou’realwaysneeded(andwanted)
Youonlylackpurposewhenyouconvinceyourselfyou’renolongerneeded.
Nomatterwhoyouare,oryoursituation,
somewhere,someoneislookingforexactlywhatyouhavetooffer–whichmeansyou’realways
needed.
Youareuniqueandspecial.
Thereisalwayssomethingyoupossess,orknow,thatsomebodyelsecanbenefitfrom.
Fillthepurposegapandfindmeaningbyhelping
others.
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#21:Yourfoundationsareunstable
Whenyoubuildahouse,youputitonastrongfoundation–otherwiseitwillcollapse,right?Allyourhardworkinbuildingthehousewillgoto
wasteifyourfoundationsareweakornon-existent.Ifyouagree,whyaren’tyoudoingthesameforyour
future?
Youcan’tpaintadamphouseandexpectthedampnottocomebackworsethanbefore.Itmightlooknicewhenthehouseisnewlypainted,butitwon’tlast.Youhavetotreatthedamp–otherwise,the
housewilltoppledown.
Ifyouareanxious,youhavetogettotherootcauseofyouranxiety,otherwiseyou’llkeepbuildingyourfutureonunstablefoundations–anditwon’ttake
muchtoknockitdown.
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Gettotherootcause
Thereisabalancetobefoundwhenitcomestodealingwithyourpast.
Ifyoudwellonwhathashappenedinthepast,it
willcontinuetomakeyouanxious.
Havingsaidthat,Ifoundskeletonsinmyclosetthatneededtobesetfree.IfIhadn’tfoundhelp,theymightstillbetrappedinsideme,masqueradingas
anxiety.
Thisiswhereanexperiencedcounsellormightbeuseful.Agoodcounsellorwillhelpyoufindthese
skeletonsandsetthemfree.
Ifyouhaven’tdonesoalready,gettalking.
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#22:You’rebeingbullied
Ifyou’redealingwithhighanxiety,it’slikelyyou’redealingwithpanicattacks.Panicattacksarebullies.
Thinkabouthowabullyoperates.Itthrivesonattention,andwhenyoustarveitofattention,it
movesontothenextvictim.
Itsoundsalittlestrangetothinkyouareyourownbully,butit’strue.You’veallowedyourthoughts
andemotionstogetthebetterofyou,andnowtheyaretakingadvantageofyou.
It’stimetostopthebullyandtakebackcontrol.
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Say‘nomore’
Makeadecisiontodaythatyouwillnolongerputupwiththetorment.
Starvethebullyofattention,andstopgivingitthe
fuelitneedstosurvive.
Thenexttimeyoufeelanxietyandpanicbiting,remindyourselfthatyouareincontrol.Youdictate
whathappensnext.
Shout‘DOYOURWORST!’,andyouranxietywon’tgetworse;itwillgetbetter.
Nobodysaidthatdealingwithabullywouldbeeasy,butit’snoharderthanbeingbulliedforthe
restofyourlife.
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#23:Youliketobeincontrol
Everybodylikestobeincontrol,buthighanxietylikesabsolutecontrol.
Alackofcontrolmeansthatunexpectedthingsmighthappen,andwedon’twantanymoresurprises,whichcouldcausemoreanxiety!
Theobviousissuewiththisisthatunexpectedthingshappen,whetherornotwe’reincontrol.
Uncertaintyisoneofthebeautifulthingsaboutlife–itkeepsusinterestedandengaged.
Imaginehowdullthingswouldbeifyouknewhow
theywouldgo100%ofthetime.
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Learntodelegate
You’veheardofthesaying‘aproblemsharedisaproblemhalved’,right?
It’strue.
Stoptakingeverythingonyourshoulders,anddon’tbeafraidtoaskforhelp.Thereisnoshameinit,and
everythingtogainfromit.
Yousimplycan’tdoitallonyourown.
Anyway,thereissomuchmorejoytobehadwhenyouwinwithotherpeople.
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#24:There’salwaysareasontobeanxious
Mymumhasanxiety.Itrunsinourfamily.
I’mnaturallyananxiousperson.
It’sraining.
Myjobmakesmeanxious.
Ihatemyboss.
Mypartnerdemandstoomuchfromme.
I’mnotgoodenough.
I’mtired.
Idon’thavethetimeorresourcestochange.
Ican’t.
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Counteractthesereasonswithwhyyoucan
Evenifyourreasonsarevalid,givingreasonsforyouranxietygiveitmeaning–andwhenyougiveit
meaning,you’reallowinganxietytoexist.
Ifyoukeepstokingthefirewithreasons,youranxietywillcontinuetogetstronger.
CounteractitwithreasonswhyyouCANdealwith
highanxiety.
Everybodyhasthetoolstochangeandtheabilitytodealwithanxiety–includingyou.
Creativity,passion,decisiveness,honesty,generosity,sincerity,andlove.Thesearethe
unlimitedresourcesavailabletoyou–usethem.
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#25:Youhaven’treachedyourturningpoint
Everybodyhastoreachaturningpointforrealchangetohappen.
You’llknowwhenyoureachyoursbecauseitwillfeellikealightbulbhasbeenswitchedoninyour
head.It’sacombinationofwantandbelief.Ifyouwantsomethingbadlyenoughandyoubelieveitwill
happen,itwill.
Thekeytochangethatlastsalifetimeisappreciatingthatlifeisajourney.Dealingwithanxietywillalwaysbepartofthatjourney.
Appreciateandenjoytheexperience,anddon’t
regretathing.
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You’vejustreachedyourturningpoint
Butifyouhaveanydoubt,justrememberwhyyoupickedupthisbook.
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Findoutmoreaboutcoaching,workshopsandcoursesatwww.carlvernon.com