// BABETTE’S FEAST CHAPBOOKS

BABETTE’S FEAST is a fortnightly gathering of writers: writers of singular words, writers of sentences, writers of letters, writers of lyrics, writers of stories, writers of fact, writers of the ephemeral. Come over for a casual dinner consisting of a humble feast (potlucking is encouraged), warm company, sharing and critique of your

written works. Open to the public. Initiated and organised by BOOKSACTUALLY.

MATH PAPER PRESS will spot new talent during these sessions. Each of the newly discovered writers will be published in a tangible book form, in their very own chapbooks.

. . .

// I’M STILL HERE a personal narrative

by Belinda Wan  

   

What is a photograph? Is it art, truth or a fragment of a long-gone memory? Is it more reliable than a distant recollection, or just a fragile? No matter the definition, certain photographs have shed their light on certain points of my life; and I hope the same for you. ~ Belinda Wan

Published by MATH PAPER PRESS (2011)

Distributed by MATH PAPER PRESS ISBN-13: 978-981-07-0424-7 Retail Price: SGD 10.00

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“I don’t know about you, but I hate having my photograph taken. Whether it’s my IC photo, a group shot taken during a wedding dinner, or even a candid moment with friends—I hate being in photographs, period. And with the advent of mobile phone cameras, this hate has managed only to increase, not lessen. Well, perhaps it’d be more accurate to say that although I hate having my picture taken, I do understand the whole rationale behind photo-taking. Life is depressingly mutable. Everything changes. Leaves fall, birds poop, dogs bark, cats meow, and people come and go. Even as I’m writing this, the present is turning into the past—almost simultaneously. So what better way to record these fleeting moments than with a camera? So yes, it’s nice to look at photographs taken during happier times; though what has transpired between that frozen moment and the present plays a large part in determining how you feel when you regard those erstwhile moments—now niftily captured on a piece of paper. Which means: while it’s great to reminisce sometimes, looking through old photos can certainly bring on a bout of depression. Especially if you realised that age is not going to do you any service in the looks department; a supposed-to-be love of your life has already left, or if circumstances have changed drastically. But the bittersweet pain of nostalgia is not why I detest having my photo taken. There are truly many reasons. One of the many is that I possess a personal inability to rise to the almost-cinematic occasion. By that I mean those precious seconds before the enthusiastic person behind the camera finishes uttering the often-hurried ‘one, two, three’ before pressing the fateful button that seals my fate. And what do I mean by ‘personal inability’? What I really mean to say is: I’m just not photogenic, nor do I possess the instantaneous okay-now-I’m-on-camera mode that a lot of people who dig having their photographs taken and who are disgustingly photogenic seem to have. Seconds before the flas goes off—also another thorn in my side, and I’ll get to that later—my mind will be flooded with wholly inappropriate thoughts. For instance, I was at my cousin’s wedding recently. During a Chinese wedding, it’s customary for the bride and bridegroom to go round to each and every table (I kid you not) about halfway through the dinner to have a photo taken with the guests of that particular table. So far at every wedding dinner that I’ve attended, this has been annoyingly de rigueur, imparting me with a

sense of ‘What am I actually doing here?’ —during which I rue every photographic opportunity. The photographer will be rounding up the awkward herd like a zealous shepherd on a missionary high, mumbling directions so that everyone can be squished together to fit the frame of the photograph and fulfill that image lurking in his photographic mind. I’ll be in my usual panic mode—wondering why this has to happen and why can’t anyone break away from this tradition, while I scurry around like an ant on a hot pan, trying to listen to Mr. Frenzied Photographer’s incomprehensible directions. Thoughts like ‘Have I got food stuck in my teeth?’ or ‘Is this a dodgy pose?’ and ‘Should I smile slightly or give a huge grin?’ result in a photo that has me looking like I’m about as comfortable as someone sitting on a pin cushion, with an unnaturally genial rictus.”

— Excerpt from I’m Still Here by Belinda Wan

Published by

MATH PAPER PRESS

by BooksActually No. 9 Yong Siak Street

Singapore 168645 t / +65 6222 9195

http://booksactually.com/mathpaperpress.html

Math Paper Press is a small press publishing by BooksActually that deals with short experimental novellas, poetry and essays.

Math Paper Press also distributes books by selected small presses.

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For more enquiries or to place an order, please email : booksellers@booksactually.com

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