images of goa - ben antao

8/2/2019 Images of Goa - Ben Antao

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The G oan Wedding

AGoan wedding is a major event in the lives of the villagecommunities, an occasion orchestrated through a longand careful selection process that affirms and confirmsthe close-knit ties and social mores of the community. If anyonewants a glimpse into the culture of Goa, he should take a good lookat the wedding ritual at the village level for marriage continues tobe the prop of society, despite the exceptions. In the village thewedding is a community celebration for the community has asmuch at stake as the bride and the groom in its success, given thatelaborate plans are hatched, matched, and dispatched.Now a ticklish factor that can upset the best-laid plans is the

dowry, the sum of money that the bride contracts to bring with heras her contribution to the wedding union. The size of the dowryvaries with the standing and the status of the bridegroom andhis family in the village and is related to the groom's profession,whether he is a seaman, an office clerk, a lawyer, a doctor, anaccountant, or a businessman. A successful seaman, for example,may command or demand 20,000 rupees; a clerk might settle for15,000; a lawyer for 30,000, a doctor for 50,000, and an accountantfor 20,000. Always open to negotiation, up or down, these figuresare gleaned from the going rates in the late fifties and the earlysixties in the Ave communities of Salcete. Naturally, families with

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78 @ IMAGES OF GOAmarriageable young women were burdened with untold anguishby the millstone of dowry and many courted debt to pay it. Andsince the amount of dowry received by the groom reflected uponthe family's standing in the community, dowry negotiation wasoften a matter of pride and principle. It was also an issue thatrelated parties often ventilated from their verandahs and balconieswithin earshot of all and sundry.

"Imagine the gall of them to offer 10,000 rupees to mynephew," cried Marina seated in the back balcony and scouringher daughter's hair for head lice. Itwas late afternoon and the timeto trade gossip and banter. "My nephew and godchild deserves alot more than that. He's got a good job on the boat, and he doesn'tdrink a lot," she continued in her musical voice that could beheard all over the bairro.

"I didn't know your nephew was old enough for marriage,"responded the elderlywidow who had lost her husband in the warand was picking out particles of dust from a bowl of rice in herverandah across the road.

"He'll be 27 this November, and quite old enough to bemarried," said Marina.

"Where is the girl from?" inquired the widow before offeringher opinion on the dowry figure.

"She is from Cuncolim," replied Marina in a tone ofdisapproval.

Picking up the cue, the widow asked rhetorically: "What iswrong with girls from our own village?Are they not good enoughfor our boys? Or are they more interested in dowry that they willgo outside the village?"

"But what burns me is the amount of the dowry. My sister'sneighbour's son who is going to get married in Cuncolim nextmonth got 20,000 rupees in dowry.What iswrong with mynephewthat he should be humiliated? Has he contracted awasting diseasethat he cannot produce a child?" she asked sarcastically.

"It's a groom's market and aman's world," the widow remindedher neighbour. "They can alwayshold out for more."


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BEN ANTAO ~ 79Marina squashed the lice ova thrice in a row between her

thumbnails, and each time she did so she shooed in satisfaction,as if in good riddance. Then she gently tapped on her daughter'sshoulder to indicate that it was time for her bath.The dowry issue had the potential to be used by the relatives

to settle an old score, or to manipulate services and perquisitesconnected with the wedding. The settlement of dowry, whetherin cash or kind, was an important first hurdle that partners inmarriage had to cross successfully on the road to wedded bliss.If this hurdle were cleared to mutual satisfaction, then weddingpreparations could begin in earnest as well as the courtship.The engagement of the couple would be formally made public

at the bridegroom's house where the representatives of the girl'shousehold - the father, an uncle, an older brother, a respectedelder or neighbour - paid the dowry in full or in part as previouslyarranged, settled the payment of the wedding ring and otherjewellery arrangements, and sealed the promise of marriage withthe bridegroom and his group of witnesses, with a handshake anda glass of wine. A loud report of firecrackers announced to theneighbours atlarge that awedding engagement had been made. Thislittle ceremony was a study in formality as familiar acquaintancesadroitly transformed themselves into expert money counters andreserved but polite spokesmen. For some the ceremony initiated achange in attitude and regard as the deeper implications of beingan in-law would soon begin to manifest.The next day or the day after the newly engaged would travel

to Margao as a publicly betrothed couple, first to apply for amarriage licence in the town hall, and then to do some shopping.This was the day when nervous energy kept the fiance buoyantand the fiancee flushed with endless excitement. This was alsothe day when curious neighbours would exchange not subtlydisguised comments on the deportment of the engaged couples asthey alighted from the carreira at sundown and walked home."Oh, Isabel, choi, choi, ocol nouro M odgomsan etai," (Look,

Isabel, the bride and groom are returning from Margao) Clotilde


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BEN AN TAO C S 9 t : G 81said to her sister-in-law Isabel, on seeing the engaged couplewalking side by side but without holding hands.Isabel, who was in the walled compound and feeding dry cow

dung cakes into the fire that would boil the huge water-filledcopper urn used to cook rice paddy, dropped a couple more cakesinto the pit formed by a tripod of brick stones, wiped her handson the hips of her black polka-dot dress, and ran into the house bythe back entrance."That pink sheer silkblouse doesn't flatter her dark complexion,"

observed Clotilde, looking through the half-shuttered window."She's as tall as he is," said Isabel."That's because she is wearing high heels," replied Clotilde."She knows how to walk though, with style.""With pride, you mean," corrected her sister-in-law.Isabel who had married the brother of Clotilde, a spinster, did

not like to disagree with her sister-in-law because she had to livewith her while her husband was away on board the ship. "Yes,sheis quite proud, isn't she? Maybe that will change after marriage."Clotilde looked directly into Isabel's eyes now and said, "You

don't know anything. Nouro tesso oeol m eta (A groom gets thebride he deserves.)The next day the pastor of the village church would be formally

informed of the wedding date, and he would see to it that thewedding banns were announced according to church regulations.The first opportunity for the village community to participate

in the wedding celebration of Peter and Martha, the engagedcouple, would occur well before the nuptial ceremony when, inkeeping with tradition, the poor of the village would be treatedto a luncheon. The church's sacristan or the gravedigger would goaround the bairros and the vaddos, ringing the bell to announce thefree lunch. The hosts and the hostesses on either side of engagedcouple usually displayed a spirit of generosity and largesse thatwas a model of Christian living.The lunch was literally open to all who could come from every

corner of the village and beyond, and nobody was refused a meal

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