Infidelity in My Marriage - 3 Steps to Help End the Deceit

When a marriage is struggling or unhealthy, the introduction of infidelity to the marriage just takes things to a whole other level and to a point where there are many more problems that exist that did ever before. If you spouse has cheated on you, your trust has been violated and you are most likely wondering if you can ever restore it again. If you have experienced infidelity in your marriage, we will look at three steps today to start you on the path to doing just that.

First and foremost, you cannot have an intimate or trusting relationship with your spouse if he or she continues to lie to you. You have to end the deceit and begin to rebuild faith that what you are being told is in fact the truth at all times.

First and foremost, you cannot have an intimate or trusting relationship with your spouse if he or she continues to lie to you. You have to end the deceit and begin to rebuild faith that what you are being told is in fact the truth at all times.

Lies not only create a feeling of betrayal, but causes and overall breakdown in communication between you and your spouse. Often the victim of an affair will subconsciously avoid communication for fear of being lied to further. That, quite frankly, is a very natural reaction and one that is common. But if you are serious about restoring your marriage, communication is the most essential ingredient, and so you must find a way to push through that barrier. If not, the marriage will simply erode further and further until it reaches a point of no return.

Transparency vs. Honesty

“Ok, what’s the difference?” you may be asking yourself. Transparency transcends honesty. Being transparent means your words and actions are so free of pretense and deceit that your spouse knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are telling the truth. For the offending party when you have experienced infidelity in my marriage, it is crucial that they are open and honest about their actions and activities. Unfortunately you cannot make the cheater do this…they must do this on their own, but it is a critical element that you need to encourage them to adhere to.

Transparency vs. Honesty

“Ok, what’s the difference?” you may be asking yourself. Transparency transcends honesty. Being transparent means your words and actions are so free of pretense and deceit that your spouse knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are telling the truth. For the offending party when you have experienced infidelity in my marriage, it is crucial that they are open and honest about their actions and activities. Unfortunately you cannot make the cheater do this…they must do this on their own, but it is a critical element that you need to encourage them to adhere to.

It is often helpful for you to lead the way and set the example. Let’s look at 3 steps that can help to create transparency and put an end to any deceit that you have been experiencing to this point.

Tip #1 - Discuss Your Plans Openly

Let your spouse know what you are doing on a given day, and encourage them to share with you the same. You don’t want this to be viewed as some sort of check-in, but as a simple courtesy you extend to each other. If they ask for additional details, you should be willing to share and answer to whatever question they may have. Share with your spouse that you have the same expectation from them when you ask them for more information. Even though you were not the offending party in the affair, this very much needs to be a two-way street.

Tip #2 - Seeking Connection as Opposed to Permission

As adults, we generally do not like to ask permission to do the things we would like to do. That is perfectly natural. But sharing with your spouse what you are up to and what your plans are on a given day is simply a show of respect. Again, encourage your spouse to do the same by setting the example. Many times your actions affect your spouse directly in a marriage, anyway, such as who is picking up the kids from day care, who is stopping to grab dinner, etc. But be sure to draw a line between keeping your spouse informed and asking for permission.

Tip #3 - Make Plans Based on the Information Shared

As long as you and your spouse are married, you will continue to have a responsibility to one another. If your spouse needs you to be home at a certain time, be willing to do so. Again, set the ground rules and have your spouse understand that you expect the same courtesy in return. Even if the request is not something you are necessarily happy about doing, do so anyway to keep from having to create an excuse or a lie to get out it. This only allows opportunity for deceit to rear its ugly head.

If you are saying to yourself, “I have experienced infidelity in my marriage“, and you are determined to restore yourself, rebuild the trust, and save your marriage from divorce I strongly recommend for you to download this FREE 21-Part course from Dr. Frank Gunzburg. Click here now for instant access: http://saving-relationships.com/marriage-sherpa.html.

Taylor Ranidae is passionate about love and relationships and writes articles focusing on helping people save their relationships and marriages. Her articles are a must read for anyone who is looking to either salvage or further enhance their relationship.