(continued on page 3)

A Quarterly Publication Summer 2013

14th Annual

Grief Camp

October 12 - 13, 2013

For information call 704.335.4334 or visit

hpccr.org. Click on “Programs & Services” then

“Grief and Loss”, then “Chameleon’s Journey.” Apply early! Application

deadline is September 20.

Inside this issue:

Outside the Box 2

Chameleon’s Journey 2

Coming Together (cont.) 3

In Good Company 3

Support Groups 4

Healthy Lifestyle & Grief 4

… to complete and return the

Family Evaluation

of Bereavement

Services Survey

By Amy Thomas, LCSW, Grief Counselor

A s a grief counselor, I am aware every

day of loss and its effect on those of us

who grieve. Understandably, many feel alone

or isolated in their grief. Responding to the

pain that comes

with the death of

a loved one on

one hand is a

profoundly singu-

lar and personal experience. On the other

hand, the intensity of the pain, the suffering

one feels, the change in behavior or the

strangeness in new patterns of being in the

world oftentimes can only be eased by

sharing with someone or others who have

or are walking the path. It’s the empathy

factor. There is something to be said about

compassionate societies (whether global or

local) and the practices for how the bereaved

are to be treated. These mourning practices

place grief in the context of family and

community, understanding the importance of

embracing those who grieve with a

supportive community.

In addition to heightened feelings of

aloneness, there is the shock and disbelief

that may surround us at first. We may hear

myths about grief repeated by others, such as

“time will heal everything”, or “you have to

let go and move on”. We may also hear

implied questions of “aren’t you over that

yet?” or be told “you need to get closure”.

These statements from others who are not

grieving may leave the griever feeling even

more isolated, fearful that they are “doing it

wrong”, or that they are “going crazy”.

From walking with those who are bereaved,

we realize that isolation, loneliness and lack

of the understanding support of others can

add to the distress and pain that accompany

the death of a loved one. Grief is not

something to be “fixed”. To quote Dr. Rachel

Naomi Remen, “Fixing is too small a strategy

for loss.” There is not a checklist of stages to

complete and then move on. There are no

techniques or prescriptions that will speed

along the very individual grief process.

However, we can pay attention to the issues

of isolation and loneliness, and offer a time

and occasion for walking together with others

who we know are also trying to find their

way. It can be reassuring to talk with others

as we try to adapt and gradually cope with

our loss. And we have created a new pro-

gram that provides that emotional support.

“In Good Company” is a program of Hospice

Coming Together

Summer 2013 Page 2

Outside the Box Participants in a recent ‘Grief: The Reluctant Journey’ support group received the homework assignment: Create a “Comfort Box”

and fill the box with items that provide comfort while grieving. Bring the box to the next support group to share with other group

members.

While most group members brought in personalized boxes filled with items like music CD’s, photos, and personal items worn by the

deceased loved one, group member Jim appeared as if he had forgotten about the assignment. When the group facilitator asked Jim

about his box, he pointed to a flat folder in front of him and replied, “It’s in here.”.

Puzzled, the facilitator invited him to elaborate since clearly the folder was flat as could be and did not appear to contain a box. At

that point Jim pulled a sheet of paper out of the folder and begin to read the following statement. He graciously gave permission to

share its contents:

“For a comfort box I looked around, but to my dismay it was not to be found. I wonder where a thing like that would be. What

does it look like? Is it square or round? What size is it? Can you sit in it? Does it fit in your pocket? How does it feel? Is it soft and fluffy or is it smooth and silky? Is it hot or cold? Would I know it if I saw it? What am I looking for? I know it exists because at Hospice they asked that we bring it next time we come. I’m going to try again, only this time I’ll examine each box very carefully and ask myself, ‘Do I get comfort from this?’ So I looked at each box and I said to myself, ‘This box doesn’t bring me comfort…’ And the next box and the next box, and so on. And then I suddenly got it - the fact that I’m pre-occupied trying to find the box - THAT has given me comfort. That’s it! That’s what’s comforting … involvement! Okay. So I’m going to take

my involvement back to Hospice and show everyone. Involvement is my comfort box and I hope I don’t forget it.”

Jim followed up his reading by showing the group a sign he had created and framed that declares the following:

Here’s to discovering what’s in your comfort box.

Overnight Grief Camp for Children and Teens

October 12 – 13th 2013

Children laugh and play, learn their school lessons, sing songs, dance, act silly and grieve. Some of you might wonder if “grieve” is

out of place in this description of what children do. As much as we want it to not be true, unfortunately, children and teens do

grieve – the death of a parent, sibling, grandparent or other close relationship. And like many adults, youth need to share their

feelings of grief and learn coping strategies in a safe and supportive environment with others who understand.

To provide that experience, Kids Path® presents the 14th Annual Chameleon’s Journey

Overnight Grief Camp, October 12 - 13, 2013 at Camp Thunderbird in Lake Wylie, SC. The

camp, for children and teens, ages 7 - 16, is a weekend filled with lots of fun, creative and

hands-on activities, time for discussion, and remembrance. The camp is led by our hospice

staff and trained volunteers, and it has gained the reputation as the best grief camp in the

region for youth. Thanks to the donations of civic and community organizations and

individual donors, the camp continues to be offered free of charge.

To register your child(ren) for camp, go to hpccr.org, click on Programs & Services, locate

Grief and Loss, and click on Chameleon’s Journey. An application for the camp can be

downloaded and printed. Complete the application and mail it in. A camp application can

also be requested by calling 704.335.4334. The deadline for the CJ application is September

20, 2013. Don’t delay!

In Good Company Event Calendar (All are welcome!)

and Palliative Care Charlotte Region consisting of once a month meetings for coffee, lunch or

dinner throughout the region. This is one way of “companioning” each other. The setting is

casual, and one could hardly call it a “meeting”. I call it “Grief Support Lite”. As I heard

from one woman struggling with the death of her husband, “When I’m with most other people,

I feel like I don’t belong anymore. When I’m here, I feel normal because I know everyone

here is grieving too”. Another gentleman recently said, “I come here to just be with other

people who are having similar struggles. Maybe we can learn something from each other

about coping, but I also just find comfort in having company.”. This is why we came up with

the name for this group, “In Good Company”. The calendar is below. Join us!

Coming Together (continued from page 1)

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Big View Diner

1st Tuesday of each month

16637 Lancaster Hwy.

Charlotte, NC 28277

11:30 am

Contact: Marge Brokaw

704.335.4308

Bob Evans Restaurant

2nd Thursday of each month

16707 Northcross Drive

Huntersville, NC 28078

6 pm

Contact: Amy Thomas

704.602.0930

Starbucks (Trader Joe’s Shopping Center)

3rd Tuesday of each month

6432 Rea Road

Charlotte, NC 28277

10 am

Contact: Marge Brokaw

704.335.4308

Julia’s Coffee Bob Evans Restaurant

4th Tuesday of each month 4thThursday of each month

1133 North Wendover Road 16707 Northcross Drive

Charlotte, NC 28211 Huntersville, NC 28078

10 am 11:30 am

Contact: Travis Smith Contact: Amy Thomas

704.980.297.9430 704.602.0930

Registration has begun for the upcoming “Grief: The Reluctant Journey” support groups. The

meetings start in early fall 2013 at our various HPCCR locations and a pre-group interview with one

of our grief counselors is required before registration. To find out more, and to schedule an

interview, please email cummingsg@hpccr.org, or call 704.335.4334. For our Lincolnton support

groups, email journigan-douglask@hpccr.org, or call 704.887.6437.

SUPPORT GROUPS

Page 4 Summer 2013

Healthy Lifestyle and Grief

Thursday, August 15, 2013

6 – 7:30 pm

HPCCR – Main Office

1420 East 7th Street, Charlotte 28204

Grief is a major life stressor and oftentimes presents a challenge when it comes to maintaining a good

diet and proper exercise. Come join us and share in a discussion about healthy eating, planning

nutritious meals on a budget, and simple ways of making sure you get the exercise you need. A light,

healthy meal will be served. To register call 704.335.4334 or cummingsg@hpccr.org

The mission of Hospice & Palliative Care Charlotte Region is to relieve suffering and improve the quality and dignity of life through compassionate

hospice care for those at the end of life, palliative care for those with advanced illness, and through community education.

How we care for you: Hospice Care, Palliative Medicine Consultants, Pediatric Care-Kids Path®, Grief Care,

Inpatient & Residential Hospice Care, and Professional & Community Education

NONPROFIT ORG.

U.S. POSTAGE PAID

CHARLOTTE, NC

PERMIT NO. 1400

1420 East Seventh Street

Charlotte, North Carolina 28204

704.375.0100 ● hpccr.org