Let’s face it—getting along withparents can sometimes be tough.But a little tact can go a longway. Good communication skillsare important in any profession,

but for the successful teacher, they’reessential. Drawn from our new book,Teacher Talk! (Jossey-Bass, 2005), hereare some snapshots of typical conflictswith parents, paired with action plansto help you head off potential problemsbefore they arise or successfully deal

with them if they do. As you practicethese skills and become a better com-municator, you will find parentsresponding more positively to yourconfidence, abilities, and willingness to establish a friendly rapport.

The parent who... is over-zealous at open house.You carefully go over your notes andscan the entire classroom. Everything is

in order. You have taken time to planwell, and you are certain this openhouse will go smoothly. You’ve barelystarted your presentation when you seea hand go up. You politely answer thefather’s question regarding his daughter.A few minutes later, he has anotherquestion focused on his child. Again, you politely answer his query. Prettysoon, you see the same parent’s hand goup again and again, along with a ques-tion pertaining only to his daughter.

INSTRUCTOR SEPTEMBER 2005 45

GROWN-UPSExpert ideas for solving your toughest parent problems. By Cheli Cerra, M.Ed. & Ruth Jacoby, Ed.D.

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>ACTION PLAN: Take back control ofthe meeting and address the concerns ofthe overzealous parent by first connect-ing with him and then setting limits:

“I understand your concerns. Tonight,however, we are pressed for time andhave a lot to cover. Let’s get together afterthe meeting and set up a time, convenientfor both of us, when we can talk.”

If others share the concern of theoverzealous parent, open up the subse-quent meeting to anyone who would liketo attend. You can also provide a hand-out that details your contact informationand schedule of availability. Announcethat you will follow up about when andwhere the meeting will take place, orhave the parents individually contact youas needed. (If you send out a meetingannouncement, do so within 24 hoursafter the open house with the exact date,time, and agenda.) Then go back to youropen house presentation and stick to it!

The parent who... wants totell you how to teach.Your student’s mother has scheduled ameeting for this afternoon, but she hasgiven you no indication what she wantsto talk about. Your student is doing verywell academically and socially, so youdon’t have a clue as to the topic. At theappointed time, Mom enters your class-room, sits down, and begins to tell youthat she feels you need to present yourclass lessons in a different way and thatyour curriculum could be improved.

>ACTION PLAN: Listen first. Count to10 and remember you are the profession-al. Do not become defensive, even if itfeels like the parent is questioning yourability to teach.

Before all meetings with parents,make sure you have the teacher’s edi-tions of the textbooks, the grade-levelobjectives, and the state standards. (Alsohave available state and district Web siteaddresses where she can go for furtherinformation.) Explain how you teach—such as with direct instruction, smallgroups, and so on—and review thehomework policy. Support your choiceof techniques with research materials

and make copies of the material thataddresses her concern or question. Invitethe parent to see you in action. She mayunderstand your processes more aftershe sees you at work. If none of thesetactics help, ask an administrator, grade-level chair, or department head to assistyou with handling this parent.

The parent who... wants to talk daily.It happens every morning like clock-work. The children have already comeinto the classroom, the beginning bell isjust a couple of minutes away, and...there she is at your door: Mrs. Talker.She is pleasant but insistent as shecatches your eye and smilingly demandsyour attention: “This will only take a sec-ond”—but of course, it never does. Thetopic doesn’t really matter either—shejust wants to chat. Always the profes-sional, you give her your attention. Bythe third day, however, you being toresent the daily intrusion and realize youhave a problem on your hands.

>ACTION PLAN: Let Mrs. Talker knowthat you would like to give her the atten-tion she deserves, but you cannot do sojust before the start of school. Give herseveral options, times when you can bothmeet and set a time for the conference.If you’re subtle but insistent, Mrs. Talkershould take the hint.

The parent who...never gets involved.No matter what you send home—an invitation, a request for volunteers, anotification of an event—the parentnever responds, never participates, andnever gets involved. You are concernedfor the student as well as for the parent.How do you approach him or her withthis concern?

>ACTION PLAN: A voice-to-voice tele-phone call is an immediate must. Keepcalling until you speak directly with theparent. (Even try the work and cellphone numbers written on the emer-gency contact form.) Invite the student’sparent to come into the classroom by

asking, “What is a good time for you tocome in to school? I’d like for you toattend our special presentation—it’ssomething I think you’d want to see.” Ifscheduling is a problem because, forexample, the father works from 7:00 a.m.to 7:00 p.m., ask if he can take time toeat lunch with his child or arrive to worka little later so that he can meet with youin the morning. Plan this in advance sothat he can inform his boss or make anynecessary special arrangements to attendthe presentation at school. Sometimesparents can arrange to work during theirlunch hour and arrive later to work inorder to attend a school performance ora parent-teacher meeting.

The parent who...always brings her kid late.One of your students is consistentlybrought late to school. Not only does hemiss the morning drill, but usually atleast 20 minutes of instruction. When hefinally arrives, the classroom routine isinterrupted by the parent’s apology andexcuses, and you must take time awayfrom the other students to help the childget his day started. You realize the parentis having a difficult time at home.

>ACTION PLAN: Tell the parent thatyou’d like to meet with her to work out asolution to the problem of her son’schronic tardiness.

At the meeting, listen to the parent tofind out the real reason for her son’stardiness. Often the parent simply hasn’tfigured out the morning routine. Youcan offer advice on how to get every-thing done in a timely manner, such asmaking a chart with morning chores,adjusting the clock ahead by 10 min-utes, or setting time limits for tasks tobe finished by using an alarm clock.Other helpful tips include doing some ofthe necessary tasks the night before,such as laying out clothes, which willeliminate indecision and arguments inthe morning; checking all schoolworkand placing it in the backpack; or hav-ing lunch made or putting lunch moneyin the backpack.

Sometimes a parent needs not only

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46 INSTRUCTOR SEPTEMBER 2005

advice, but just someone to talk to. You,the teacher, can help by being sympa-thetic and offering practical ideas. That’sall it may take to solve the problem.

The parent who... thinks youassign too much homework.Mrs. Skills comes into your classroomwithout warning, visibly upset. “You aregiving out just too much homework,” shefumes. “Really, it is ridiculous what hehas to do. I don’t have time for it. I workall day and come home late. By the timeI feed him, he has only half an hour to dohis homework before bedtime. He hasenough school all day. Why does he haveto do more? Are you not doing your job?Is that why you have to give out so muchhomework? Just what is the reason? I’dlike an answer!”

>ACTION PLAN: Although you need toaddress this parent’s concern, now is notthe time, as she is too upset and youcan’t leave your class.

Let her know you welcome the oppor-tunity to talk with her, but that you can-not do so at the moment. Ask her toleave a telephone number where she

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TAKE THE QUIZ! How well do you talk to parents?1 I am comfortable speaking

with parents. True m False m

2 I listen more than I talk.True m False m

3 I value parent input.True m False m

4 I do not mind if an administrator sitsin on a parent conference.True m False m

5 I do not believe that I know more than parents do.True m False m

6 I anticipate and welcome questions.True m False m

7 I research solutions and methodswhen I do not know the answers.True m False m

8 I respect the opinion of parents.True m False m

9 I don’t feel uncomfortable when people are in my classroom.True m False m

10 I communicate frequently with parents.True m False m

HERE’S HOW TO SCORE YOURSELF:Count up the number of ‘True’ answers.

n If you scored 8 or higher, you are well on yourway to becoming an effective communicator.

n If you scored 4–7, you may want to rethinkyour approaches regarding the areas in whichyou are weak.

n If you scored below 4, you’ll want to study and practice the techniques and tips addressed in this article.

For even more expert assistance, check out theauthors’ new book, Teacher Talk! The Art ofEffective Communication (Jossey-Bass, 2005).

can be reached and assure her that youwill call to set up a meeting as soon aspossible. When you do meet, arrange tohave another teacher, the school coun-selor, or an administrator present.Explain that you assign only enoughhomework to show parents what thechild did in class that day, and to helphim review new concepts covered inclass. This keeps the parent informed andhelps the student organize his time andcreate a routine for sharing what he haslearned during the day with his parent.

You may suggest the possibility thatthe child didn’t understand what wasbeing taught, so it took him longer thanthe other children to complete the home-work. If this is the case, you may want tosit with the parent and come up withpossible reasons why the child is notcompleting his work. Develop a plan thatwill assist the child in improving hisskills and finishing the homework. If thechild goes to an after-school program,for instance, suggest ways that the staffcould work with him on academ-ics. If there is still a prob-lem, offer to cooperatewith the parent to create ahomework schedule sothe activities the child hasto do at home get done in atimely fashion and so he hasfree time left before bed.

The parent who... is upsetwith her child’s grades.The day after report cards go home, Mrs.Smith calls you, clearly upset. “My childreceived straight As on her last reportcard,” she says. “Now it’s mostly Bs andCs. What is going on? Why didn’t you letme know? We need to meet immediatelyto discuss this. I am sick and tired of theschool system failing our children.”

>ACTION PLAN: Don’t let the parent’soverreaction cause you to hyperventi-late. Always have available your gradebook and the child’s portfolio. Explainthe information in them. Discuss whatyou have witnessed in class. Perhaps the child has missed homework assign-ments. Listen to the unhappy parent, let-ting her speak without interruption, then

explore ideas to solve the situationtogether. You might want to share tips onhow to study, or how to get organized soall assignments are completed on sched-ule, or give her the names of Web sites(e.g., www.edhelper.com) where she canget practice worksheets for her child.

Remind her that you too care abouther daughter succeeding. nn

BOTH AUTHORS ARE MIAMI-BASED EDUCATORS WITH MORETHAN 48 YEARS OF COMBINED EXPERIENCE. CHELI CERRA,M.ED., IS THE FOUNDER OF EDUVILLE, INC., WHICH PROVIDESRESOURCES TO HELP CHILDRENACHIEVE THEIR BEST. FOR MOREINFORMATION, VISIT HER WEB SITE AT HTTP://WWW.EDUVILLE.COM. RUTH JACOBY, ED.D. IS THE FOUNDING PRINCIPAL OF SOMERSETACADEMY CHARTER SCHOOLS.

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Secrets to positive parent interactionsn BE SWIFT: Inform parents before behav-iors or situations escalate.

n BE OPEN: Listen to what the parent has to say. The more you listen, the more theparent will reveal.

n BE UNFLAPPABLE: Be slow to anger. You must always act in a responsible andtactful manner.

n BE LUCID: Conflict comes about becauseof the inability to communicate clearly

and effectively.

n BE MOTIVATING: Negative words aredraining. Positive words are uplifting.

n BE CALM: Do not react to an angryparent; the less said the better.

n BE COMPASSIONATE: A parent’s protes-tations may be masking frustration.

n BE A PLANNER: Have problem-solvingstrategies ready to present to parents.

n BE SLOW TO SPEAK: Speak your words indue time. Make sure that what comes out ofyour mouth is what you intended to say.

*WIN*A copy of the

parent-training

program PASSPort

to Success!

See page 68.

EXCERPTED FROM TEACHER TALK! THE ART OF EFFECTIVE COM

MUNICATION

BY CHELI CERRA AND RUTH JACOBY (MARCH 2005,$19.95; PAPER),BY PERM

ISSION OF JOSSEY-BASS/A WILEY IM

PRINT.