DEALING WITH DEALING WITH EMOTIONSEMOTIONS

This incident might happened to you. You This incident might happened to you. You expressed your happiness to someone but expressed your happiness to someone but did not receive the kind of reaction you did not receive the kind of reaction you expected, or you display your anger to expected, or you display your anger to someone and the incident ended in hostility. someone and the incident ended in hostility. Showing negative emotions such as anger or Showing negative emotions such as anger or boredom can some times get us into trouble. boredom can some times get us into trouble. Even positive emotions such as affection or Even positive emotions such as affection or happiness should be shared wisely as the happiness should be shared wisely as the other party may not be comfortable in other party may not be comfortable in sharing our feelings. Since not everyone sharing our feelings. Since not everyone understands our feelings or would want to understands our feelings or would want to share our emotions, we must be tactful in share our emotions, we must be tactful in expressing and dealing with our emotions. In expressing and dealing with our emotions. In this topic, we will look at the ways to deal this topic, we will look at the ways to deal emotions, whether positive or negative.emotions, whether positive or negative.

SIX GUIDELINES TO SIX GUIDELINES TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONSEXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS

RECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONSRECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONS DESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS APPROPRIATELYDESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS APPROPRIATELY SHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONSSHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONS RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

EMOTIONS, TALKING AND ACTINGEMOTIONS, TALKING AND ACTING ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE

EMOTIONSEMOTIONS CONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE TO CONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE TO

EXPRESS THE EMOTIONSEXPRESS THE EMOTIONS

RECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONSRECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONS

We should recognize our emotions.We should recognize our emotions. Our emotions can be recognized when Our emotions can be recognized when

physiological changes such as sweating or physiological changes such as sweating or trembling.trembling.

Monitoring our thoughts and verbal messages Monitoring our thoughts and verbal messages will help us to manage our emotions.will help us to manage our emotions.

For example, we should be more careful with For example, we should be more careful with our words and nonverbal cues that may land our words and nonverbal cues that may land us in trouble in the process of dealing with our us in trouble in the process of dealing with our emotions.emotions.

In other words, we should control our feelings In other words, we should control our feelings and emotions.and emotions.

DESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS APPROPRIATELY

• There are various ways of describing emotions but we should describe them in a way that reflect the true feelings accurately.

• For example, instead of merely saying, “I am angry at you”, we can say, “I am annoyed by your remarks”.

• This kind of more precise statement would enable the other person to know exactly what and how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.

SHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONS

We should share the different kinds of emotions we go through at that particular time.For instance, we may be angry with a person but at the same time we really care for him or her too.Verbally expressing our multiple emotions is meaningful because it increases the accuracy and value of our messages.For example, saying “I am disheartened over what you did to me but I’m sure that you didn’t really mean what you said” would be better than just saying “don’t talk to me right now because I’m really mad at you”.This kind of sharing enables the other person to understand us better.

RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMOTIONS, TALKING AND BETWEEN EMOTIONS, TALKING AND ACTINGACTING

• When we disagree with someone, we When we disagree with someone, we become furious and talk or act irrationally.become furious and talk or act irrationally.

• We may have the right to feel angry but We may have the right to feel angry but that doesn’t mean we should express the that doesn’t mean we should express the anger by saying or behaving in such a way anger by saying or behaving in such a way that will only fade a good relationship with that will only fade a good relationship with the other person.the other person.

• So, when we have negative emotions, we So, when we have negative emotions, we should tactful in expressing the emotions should tactful in expressing the emotions either verbally or through our actions.either verbally or through our actions.

ACCEPT RESPONSIBILTY FOR ACCEPT RESPONSIBILTY FOR THE EMOTIONSTHE EMOTIONS

► In other words, we should never blame In other words, we should never blame anyone else for our uneasy feeling.anyone else for our uneasy feeling.

►For example, instead of saying “you For example, instead of saying “you are annoying me with your attitude” it are annoying me with your attitude” it is wiser to say “I feel annoyed when is wiser to say “I feel annoyed when you behave like that”.you behave like that”.

►This shows that we are taking This shows that we are taking responsibility for the way we feel and responsibility for the way we feel and not blaming the other person.not blaming the other person.

CONSIDER WHEN AND CONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE TO EXPRESS THE WHERE TO EXPRESS THE

EMOTIONSEMOTIONS When someone annoys us and our emotion boils up, When someone annoys us and our emotion boils up,

it is only sensible to hold back our emotion until we it is only sensible to hold back our emotion until we are sure that it is the rite time and place to express it.are sure that it is the rite time and place to express it.

In dealing with emotions, we must ensure that the In dealing with emotions, we must ensure that the outcome of the emotions improve conditions or outcome of the emotions improve conditions or allayed negative effects.allayed negative effects.

This is because emotions can be both constructive This is because emotions can be both constructive and destructive.and destructive.

Constructive or facilitative emotions are emotions Constructive or facilitative emotions are emotions that help us improvise things that we feel are very that help us improvise things that we feel are very unsatisfying. unsatisfying.

For example, the fear that we For example, the fear that we may be late for class tomorrow may be late for class tomorrow will oblige us to cancel watching will oblige us to cancel watching the late night movie.the late night movie.

In construct, destructive or In construct, destructive or debilitative emotions are the debilitative emotions are the kind of emotions that will make a kind of emotions that will make a situation gets worst.situation gets worst.

For example, an expressed For example, an expressed anger of a manager can anger of a manager can demoralize subordinates, which demoralize subordinates, which may cause them to quit the job. may cause them to quit the job.

• According to Adler and Rosenfeld (1999), the difference between a constructive and destructive emotions is their intensity.

• For example, an extreme state of negative emotions can ruin our rational thinking and lead to extreme frustration of sadness while an extreme state of positive emotions does not have much effect in a person as a person in a happy mood is normally in a stable condition.

• We can see here the strength of negative emotions is greater as its impact on a person makes a difference compared to the positive emotions.

• Adler and Rosenfeld add that there are four ways to minimize our destructive emotions. They are by :

1. Identifying and monitoring our reactions

2. Identifying and diagnosing the factor that caused emotions.

3. Self-talk or monologue

4. Replace irritation beliefs with rational ones.