interpersonal attraction: from first impressions to close ...what causes attraction? • people in...
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Interpersonal Attraction: From First Impressions to Close
RelationshipsChapter 10
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What causes attraction?
• People in close relationships are highly interdependent
• feeling of “oneness”
• another person becomes part of your “self”
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Propinquity
• People you see and interact with the most often are most likely to become your friends (and perhaps more)
• “mere exposure” effect: the more we see something (i.e., more familiar) the more we like it
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Exercise
• Write down your favorite fruit, vegetable, and letter of the alphabet
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Similarity
• match between two people’s interests, attitudes, values, backgrounds, and/or personality, fuels the development of relationships that begin based on propinquity
• similarity in interpersonal style
• similarity in interests and experiences
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3 reasons similarity is important in attraction
• we expect similar others to like us and are more likely to initiate relationships
• similar others validate our characteristics and beliefs
• we draw inferences about character based on perceived similarity
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Reciprocal Liking
• If we think another person likes us, we’re more likely to like them
• Self-fulfilling prophecy (we act more likable in their presence)
• Low self-esteem people like those who criticize them better!
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Physical Attractiveness
• major determinant of liking in studies of first impressions
• both sexes rate physical attractiveness as important
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What is attractive?
• Cultural norms transmitted via media
• features listed in book
• Appears to be some cultural consistency about what is attractive
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The power of Familiarity
• Familiarity is a critical variable that explains attraction (why do couples look alike?)
• Familiarity underlies propinquity, similarity, and reciprocal liking
• We like what we know!
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What is beautiful is good
• People assume that PA is highly correlated with other desirable traits (”what is beautiful is good” stereotype)
• more sociable, extraverted, and socially competent
• operates across cultures
• kernel of truth (self-fulfilling prophecy; Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid (1977) study)
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Initial Attraction• retrospective reports
• Aron et al (1989) found reciprocal liking and attractiveness important for love; similarity and propinquity were less important. For friendships: reciprocal liking, attractiveness, similarity, and propinquity were all important
• Duck (1994) physical attractiveness and similarity were strongest predictors of romantic attraction
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Theories of Interpersonal
Attraction
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Social Exchange Theory• How people feel about a relationship
depends on
• their perceptions of the REWARDS and COSTS of the relationship
• the kind of relationships they believe they deserve or expect to have (Comparison Level or CL)
• their chances of having a better relationship with someone else (CL alt)
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Social exchange (con’t)
• Outcome of relationship = rewards - costs
• Satisfaction in relationship depends on CL
• Whether or not you leave depends on CL alt
• Research evidence supports the theory
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Long-term relationships
• Rusbult’s investment model of relationships
• Investments = something that would be lost if one left the relationship
• greater the investment, less likely to leave
• Commitment = satisfaction, CLalt, and investments
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Exchange Theory Demonstration
• Need volunteers
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Equity Theory
• People are happiest in relationships when rewards, costs, and contributions are equal to those of the other person
• Under- and over-benefitted persons should be motivated to restore equity (most likely for under-benefitted!)
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Long-term relationships
• Exchange relationships (tit for tat)
• Communal relationships (accounting is looser and occurs over time)
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Close Relationships
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Defining Love
• Companionate Love vs. Passionate Love
• Triangular theory of love
• Love styles
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Companionate vs. Passionate Love
• Companionate love: feelings of love and affection we feel for another person, but not necessarily passion or arousal
• Passionate love: intense longing, physiological arousal
• Americans value PL over CL
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Triangular Theory of Love
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Love Styles
• Basic theories people have about love that guide their behavior in relationships
• Eros (passionate)
• Ludus (love as a game)
• Storge (love from friendship)
• Pragma (pragmatic love)
• Mania (roller-coaster love)
• Agape (self-less love)
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• Hendrick & Hendrick (1986) find that men are more ludidc and women more storgic and pragmatic; no differences in eros and agape.
• Real-life couples have similar love styles
• Longer lasting relationships characterized by high eros and low ludus love
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Evolution and Choosing a Mate
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Attachment Style
• People develop expectations about the trustworthiness of others and lovability of the self from earlier relationships with caregivers (Bowlby, Ainsworth)
• Three attachment styles
• Influence adult relationships
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Secure Attachment
• responsive caregivers as infancts
• trust, lack of concern with being abandoned
• self is worthy and liked
• others are reliable and trustworthy
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Avoidant Attachment
• caregivers were aloof and distant
• suppression of attachment needs because attempts to be intimate were rebuffed
• self is worthy but others are not to be trusted
• Difficult to develop intimate relationships
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Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment
• inconsistent and overbearing caregivers
• concerned that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy
• high levels of anxiety
• self is unworthy, others are trustworthy
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Attachment Style
• early relationships develop into schemas for later relationships
• can change over time and in the contexts of different relationships
• see the female anxious/male avoidant pairing often (reverse doesn’t work well)
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Ending Relationships
• American divorce rate is 50%
• 2/3 of all current first marriages will end
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Duck’s 4 stages of dissolution
• Intrapersonal (focusing on dissatisfaction)
• Dyadic (revealing dissatisfaction to partner)
• Social (announcing breakup to others)
• Intrapersonal (devising accounts of the breakup as recovery begins)
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Rusbult• 4 types of behavior that occur in troubled
relationships
• exit (harming or terminating the relationship)
• voice (actively constructively attempting to improve conditions)
• loyalty (waiting for conditions to improve)
• neglect (letting things deteriorate)
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Remaining facts• no gender differences in who initiates
breakups
• people who break up feel better, being dumped feels worse, and mutual are in the middle (no surprises there!)
• 30% of breakups in college were “fatal attractions” qualities that were initially attractive became the reasons for the breakup
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Breaking Up