interpersonal communication 316 165[1]
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Improving InterpersonalImproving InterpersonalCommunication SkillsCommunication Skills
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The concept of communication hasThe concept of communication hasevolved throughout the yearsevolved throughout the years..
Approaches to interpersonalApproaches to interpersonal
communication: brief backgroundcommunication: brief background
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SENDER RECEIVER
NOISE
MESSAGE
CODE
SPEAKERSPEAKER
PARTICIPANT PARTICIPANT
TEXT GENRE
FEEDBACK
PERSONALITY
CONSCIOUS/UNCON.
SETTINGORCONTEXT
SIGNS
INTERPRETERINTERPERTER
PERSONALITY
CONSCIOUS/UNCON.
Transmission
Models
Linguistic Models Psycho-social Models Interlocutive
Models
1949 1962 1971 1986
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reception productio
n
interpretation of a message
elaboration of a message
context of reception
A DISCOURSE APPROACH TO LANGUAGE
context of production
Speaking
and writing
Listening and
reading
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Task:Task:
Think of someone you would like to improve interpersonalThink of someone you would like to improve interpersonalcommunication with in your work environment. It should becommunication with in your work environment. It should besomeone you interact with on a regular basis.someone you interact with on a regular basis.
1. What kind of work relationship do you have with this1. What kind of work relationship do you have with thisperson: cooperation, interdependence, independence?person: cooperation, interdependence, independence?
2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?
3. Has there been any conflict with this person?3. Has there been any conflict with this person? 4. Whats the history behind this relationship?4. Whats the history behind this relationship?
5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?
6. Who has the power in this relationship?6. Who has the power in this relationship?
7. What are the positive traits you see in this person?7. What are the positive traits you see in this person?
8. What are the negative traits you see in this person?8. What are the negative traits you see in this person? 9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?
10. How much impact could he/she have in your present or10. How much impact could he/she have in your present orfuture career?future career?
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Consider each communication
event as a pearl in a necklace.
emailemail
phone callphone call
one on one meetingone on one meeting
teamworkteamwork
notenote
faxfax
talk at lunch breaktalk at lunch break
online chatonline chat group meetinggroup meeting
synchronous and asynchronous
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Align the horizon
Participate in
the interaction
Learn from the
experience
A model for interpersonal communication
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Pre Some historyPre Some history
33. Has there been any conflict with this. Has there been any conflict with this
person?person?
44. Whats the history behind this. Whats the history behind thisrelationship?relationship?
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Pre What do we have inPre What do we have in
common?common? 55. Do you feel any form of affection for. Do you feel any form of affection for
him/her?him/her?
77. What are the positive traits you see in. What are the positive traits you see inthis person?this person?
88. What are the negative traits you see in. What are the negative traits you see in
this person?this person?
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AttitudeAttitude
Airplane pilots often use
"attitude" to describe their
horizontal relationship with the
runway when they land. If their
attitude isnt aligned properly,the plane will make contact
with the ground at the wrong
angle and it will cause them to
crash.
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STAGE FOCUS STRATEGY
Pre ALIGN THE
HORIZON
Reflect upon the
situation.Set reasonable
expectations.
Make the right
choices of timing
and channel.
Attitude Memory: Associate, elaborate, use
imagery.
Cognitive: Analyze and reason.
Compensation: Guess intelligently.
Metacognitive:Arrange and plan. Set
goals and objectives.
Affective: Lower anxiety. Encourage
yourself
Social: Develop understanding of the
situation.
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TaskTask
You are in a queue at the movie theater. SomebodyYou are in a queue at the movie theater. Somebodycomes in and jumps the queue right in front of you.comes in and jumps the queue right in front of you.What do you choose to do?What do you choose to do?
1.1. Nothing. You just bear it.Nothing. You just bear it.
2.2. Vent comments out loud such as some people are such/soVent comments out loud such as some people are such/so. but you dont face the person.. but you dont face the person.
3.3. Face the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he thinkFace the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he thinkhe is?!he is?!
4.4. Approach the man and politely but firmly tell him that heApproach the man and politely but firmly tell him that heshould take his turn at the end of the line.should take his turn at the end of the line.
5.5. Other Other
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ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESSDEFINITIONDEFINITION
Assertiveness is defined asAssertiveness is defined as
behavior which enables peoplebehavior which enables people
toto actact in their own bestin their own bestinterestinterest by expressing theirby expressing their
thoughts, feelings, desires andthoughts, feelings, desires and
opinionsopinions directly, honestlydirectly, honestlyand appropriatelyand appropriately..
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BIDIRECTIONAL MODELBIDIRECTIONAL MODEL
ASSERTIVEASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE
PASSIVEPASSIVE PASSIVEPASSIVE
AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE
OVERT EXPRESSION
COVERT EXPRESSION
NO COERCIONCOERCION
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+
+
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WhileWhile
Recognize patters of behavior.
BEHAVIOR PARAMETERS RIGHTS
RESPECTED
PASSIVE Expression --Coercion -- Other peoples rights.
AGGRESSIVE Expression ++
Coercion ++
Your rights
PASSIVE- AGGRESSIVE Expression --Coercion ++
None
ASSERTIVE Expression ++
Coercion --
Your rights and other
peoples rights
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Task:Task:
This chart (see your handbook) showsThis chart (see your handbook) shows
assertive behavior and alternative forms ofassertive behavior and alternative forms of
behavior based on the four quadrantbehavior based on the four quadrant
model. Classify the following examples ofmodel. Classify the following examples of
behavior in the right category:behavior in the right category:
manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.
Page in your handbookPage in your handbook
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Task: Identify three very distinct parts inTask: Identify three very distinct parts in
this fragment.this fragment.
"I've"I've noticednoticed thatthat wheneverwhenever we'rewe're preparingpreparing toto gogo somewhere,somewhere,
youyou startstart rushingrushing meme toto finishfinish dressingdressing asas soonsoon asas you'reyou're readyready
eveneven ifif it'sit's notnot yetyet thethe timetime wewe hadhad plannedplanned toto leaveleave.. II knowknow youyou
getget anxiousanxious whenwhen you'reyou're allall readyready toto gogo andand I'mI'm not,not, butbut whenwhen
youyou dodo that,that,IIgetget allall flusteredflustered andand taketake eveneven moremore timetime..
By
By thethe timetime wewegetget inin thethe car,car, we'rewe're madmad atat eacheach otherother andand notnot muchmuch inin thethe moodmood toto
havehave aa goodgood timetime.. FromFrom nownow on,on, let'slet's bebe suresure wewe knowknow whatwhat timetime wewe
wantwant toto leave,leave, andand ifif you'reyou're readyready beforebefore II am,am, willwill youyou pleaseplease justjust gogo toto
anotheranother roomroom andand readread thethe paperpaper oror watchwatch TV?TV? FromFrom nownow on,on, ifif youyou
comecome intointo thethe bedroombedroom oror bathroombathroom beforebefore it'sit's timetime toto leaveleave andand startstart
askingasking meme toto hurryhurry up,up, I'mI'm justjust goinggoing toto remindremind youyou ofof thethe time,time, askask youyoutoto gogo toto anotheranother room,room, andand closeclose thethe doordoor untiluntil I'mI'm readyready.. II knowknow thisthis isis
goinggoing toto seemseem weirdweird atat first,first, butbut II betbet we'llwe'll enjoyenjoy ourour outingsoutings aa lotlot moremore
overover thethe longlong runrun..""
http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.htmlhttp://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html
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"I've noticed that"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to gowhenever we're preparing to gosomewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing assomewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing assoon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we hadsoon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we hadplanned to leave.planned to leave. I know you get anxious when you're allI know you get anxious when you're allready to go and I'm not,ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get allbut when you do that, I get allflustered and take even more time. By the time we get influstered and take even more time. By the time we get inthe car, we're mad at each other and not much in thethe car, we're mad at each other and not much in themood to have a good time.mood to have a good time. From now onFrom now on, let's be sure, let's be sure
we know what time we want to leave, and if you're readywe know what time we want to leave, and if you
're readybefore I am, will you please just go to another room andbefore I am, will you please just go to another room and
read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you comeread the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you comeinto the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leaveinto the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leaveand start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remindand start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remindyou of the time, ask you to go to another room, and closeyou of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close
the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seemthe door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seemweird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot moreweird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot moreover the long run."over the long run."
http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.htmlhttp://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html
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WhileWhile Apply a variety of techniques to
communicate1. the art of listening1. the art of listening
Act like a good listener. Adopt the physical bodyAct like a good listener. Adopt the physical bodylanguage of a receiver.language of a receiver.
Look at the other person.Look at the other person.
React to the speaker by sending out nonReact to the speaker by sending out non--verbal signals.verbal signals.
Stop talking and use receptive language instead. UseStop talking and use receptive language instead. Usethe I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really!the I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really!
Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip overConcentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip overdelivery errors and fight distractions.delivery errors and fight distractions.
Listen between the lines to tones of voice.Listen between the lines to tones of voice.
Observe.Observe.
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Message pacingMessage pacing
and chunkingand chunking ExpressingExpressing
conversationalconversational
intent:intent:
Uh...Maria, do youUh...Maria, do youhave a minute?have a minute?
Right now Id like toRight now Id like to
talk to you about... Istalk to you about... Is
thatOK
?thatOK
?
WhileWhile
Apply a variety of techniques to communicate
2. the art of speaking and more 2. the art of speaking and more
Non verbalNon verbal
components:components:VocalicsVocalics
KinesicsKinesics
ProxemicsProxemics
ArtifactsArtifactsTouchTouch
SmellSmell
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WhileWhile 3. the art of conflict prevention:3. the art of conflict prevention:What are fire starters?What are fire starters?
Person centered comments and past centeredPerson centered comments and past centered
commentscomments
Inappropriate reassurance and inappropriateInappropriate reassurance and inappropriatepositive thinkingpositive thinking
Histrionic behavior (overdramatization)Histrionic behavior (overdramatization)
Guilt induction and blaming commentsGuilt induction and blaming comments
Kitchen sinkingKitchen sinking
Infallibility commentsInfallibility comments
OverapologizingOverapologizing
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While PARTICIPATE IN
THE
INTERACTION
Use your
resources: apply avariety of
techniques to
communicate.
Make choices.
Stay focused.
Monitor
Perf. Cognitive: Practice techniques. Recognize
patters of behavior. Create structure for your
input and output.
Compensation: Overcome limitations in
communication skills.G
uess intelligently.
Metacognitive: Self monitor. Delay speech
production to focus on listening.
Affective: Take risks wisely. Take your
emotional temperature.
Social: Ask questions. Cooperate.
Empathize.
STAGE FOCUS STRATEGY
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To rememberTo remember
Hostile communication causes inaccuracies.Hostile communication causes inaccuracies.
Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms.Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms.
An important sending skill is knowing how to favorAn important sending skill is knowing how to favordisarming language over arming language.disarming language over arming language.
The latter selects more forceful over more moderateThe latter selects more forceful over more moderatewords, uses statements rather than questions and whenwords, uses statements rather than questions and when
spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations,spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations,pauses and other nonverbal messages that conveypauses and other nonverbal messages that conveyhostile feeling.hostile feeling.
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PostPost
Reflect upon the interaction
Empathy requires that you suspend judgment ofEmpathy requires that you suspend judgment of
another's actions or reactions, while you try toanother's actions or reactions, while you try tounderstand them. Sometimes, this will mean readingunderstand them. Sometimes, this will mean readingbetween the lines of statements made, and almostbetween the lines of statements made, and almostalways it will involve gentle questioning and probing, toalways it will involve gentle questioning and probing, to
clarify what is going on. The goal here, again is toclarify what is going on. The goal here, again is toUNDERSTAND, and not judge.UNDERSTAND, and not judge.Robert BacalRobert Bacal
.
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PostPost
CycleCycle
analyze evaluate
Revise modelChange and adjustexpectations
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Post LEARN FROM IT
Reflect upon the
interaction.
Follow
up
Cognitive: Analyze, summarize, and
take mental notes.
Memory: Review well.
Cognitive:Analyze and reason.
Metacognitive: Evaluate your learning.
Link with already known material.
Affective: Reward yourself. Discuss
your feelings with someone else.
Social: Empathize. Become aware of
the others thoughts and feelings.
STAGE FOCUS STRATEGY
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TEN TIPSTEN TIPS1.1. Set the ground for communication and align your horizon. WorkSet the ground for communication and align your horizon. Work
on your attitude.on your attitude.2.2. Have reasonable expectations.Have reasonable expectations.
3.3. Make the right choices of timing and channel.Make the right choices of timing and channel.
4.4. While interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety ofWhile interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety oftechniques to communication: message pacing and chunking,techniques to communication: message pacing and chunking,expressing conversational intent.expressing conversational intent.
5.5. Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics,Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics,proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts.proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts.
6.6. Be the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsiveBe the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsivelistener.listener.
7.7. Avoid fire starters such as hot words, overdramatization, guiltAvoid fire starters such as hot words, overdramatization, guiltinduction, blaming, person and past centered comments.induction, blaming, person and past centered comments.
8.8. Choose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passiveChoose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passive--aggressive behavior.aggressive behavior.
9.9. Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature.Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature.
10.10. Reflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing theReflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing therealtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.realtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.
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THANK YOU!THANK YOU!