the boozepaperTHE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

INDEPENDENT SINCE 1978

the newspaper

APRIL 2 - 8 2009

VOL. XXXI NO. 25 write between the lines

24+

BOTTLES

REVIEWEDthe newspaper judges sit down with 42 beers from

Ontario’s best brewers to bring you our 2-4.

2 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol

than alcohol has taken out of me.”

-Winston Churchill

the inside

the mission statementthe newspaper is proud to be University of Toronto’s ONLY independent

community news source. We look to our readers and contributors to ensure we

provide a consistently superior product. Our purpose is to provide a voice for

university students, staff, faculty and U of T’s extended community.

This voice may at times be irreverent but it will never be irrelevant.

write between the lines

Administrative AssistantCaroline George

the newspaperPublisher

Matthew Pope

News EditorAshley Minuk

Arts EditorHelene Goderis

Copy EditorsElisabeth Bennett, Michelle Ferreira,

Arjun Lakkaraju

Layout & DesignHelene Goderis, Ali Sunderji

ContributorsDaniel Craig, Michelle Ferreira, Noah Gataveckas, Helene Goderis,

Peter Josselyn, Kevin McGahon, Elsbeth Moriarty, Tim Ryan

Associate EditorDaniel Craig, Ari Simha

Ads & Marketingads@thenewspaper.ca

THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

the front page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the inside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the editorial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the news . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the arts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the puzzles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the end . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

1

2

3

4, 5

6, 7

8

8

the campus commentDANIEL PORTORARO

CALL FOR EDITORS

the newspaper will be holding its

annual editorial sta! elections on

Thursday, April 16th, 2009 @ 5pm

These are paid positions. Each requires a time

commitment of approximately 20 hours per week.

Anyone who has contributed three pieces this year

has a vote and should be present on voting day to

elect next year’s editors.

We welcome all hopefuls and look forward

to seeing you all on voting day.

OPEN

POSITIONS:

News Editor

Arts Editor

Anyone is eligible to run.

A Statement of Intent

and resume should be sent to

thenewspaper@thenewpspaer.ca

no later than April 9th.

In this time of economic turbulence, the newspaper asks: what is the most cost-e!ective beer for students?

Arathana Bowes, 1st year Neuroscience

“PBR? Or no, maybe Bavaria. Yeah.

Bavaria.”

$2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol

Craig Kim, 2nd year Commerce

“Coors Light; many of my friends drink

it, we all like it, and it’s not too

expensive”

$9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol

Vince Messina, 2nd year Urban and

Economic Geography

“Coors Light; it’s good for its price.”

$9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol

Nikolaus Himmelman, 2nd year Geog

raphy

“Bavaria tall cans; they’re just really

cheap.”

$2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol

Noah Bennett, 2nd year Political Science

“Wildcat Force; it’s $5 for a forty, and it’s

10% and tastes like crap.”

$5.00/1140 mL bottle at 10% Alcohol

William Schemmer, 2nd year Life Sciences

“Pabst Blue Ribbon; it’s cheap and it’s

not that terrible tasting”

$8.25/6 x 355 mL cans at 5.0% Alcohol

the newspaper 3April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

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Ah, the boozepaper. Highly

regarded as one of the most

anticipated issues of the year,

the boozepaper is many things

to many people. For some, it

occupies the minutes preceding

class with a few laughs, while

for others it occupies the entire

hour. Personally, it is an annual

reminder of how pedestrian the

vast majority of my beer con-

sumption tends to be. It o!ers 43

new potential favourites, ranging

in genre, taste and a!ordability.

For you, reading this article right

now, it o!ers an introduction

into the production and tasting

characteristics of the main types

of beer in this issue and at your

local beer store.

Lager (Pilsner) – The most

commonly brewed beer world-

wide, the lager-style pilsner beer

gained its popularity as it was

designed to be easily drinkable.

The domestic versions of these

beers are generally produced

using “noble” hops (the female

$ower cones of the hop plant),

essentially the highest quality

of hop which imparts delicate

tastes and aromas to the beer,

making it ino!ensive to the

common consumer and ideal

for keg-stands. To get your

hands on a more $avourful and

robust pilsner, you generally

have to buy micro-brewery

beer, as they use more gen-

erous amounts of these noble

hops in addition to a variety

of other $avours and spices

individual to each producer.

Ale – Like lagers, hops are

used to make ales; however,

ales are distinguished by their

yeast. Ale yeast ferments at

higher temperatures; because

of this, the yeast produces

more esters and other sec-

ondary $avour and aroma

products leading to a more full-

bodied beer relative to lagers.

Ales also take a shorter time to

produce because, at the higher

fermentation temperatures,

the yeast is more active and

produces alcohol much more

quickly.

Wheat Beer – There has been a

recent resurgence of wheat beers

into the mainstream with

Rickard’s and Alexander

Keith’s shoving major marketing

campaigns down our throats

in an e!ort to promote their

new wheat or “white” beers.

These beers are produced using

wheat in addition to barley. The

resulting beer contains a mixture

of wheat malt and barley malt in

a 2:1 ratio giving the beers a soft

and fruity taste to accompany

their pale white colour. Often,

fruits are actually added to the

brewing process, further intensi-

fying sweet undertones to these

beers.

Now take this newfound

information and explore the

beer reviews, select a few of

the favourites and try them this

weekend.

Tim Ryan is a former Associate Editor and esteemed boozepaper alum.

the judges how our judges quali&ed for their position

Kevin McGahonI’m overquali&ed. I showed up 10 min-

utes early, I’m Irish, I was a bartender and was conceived in a brewery. Beer me!

Noah GataveckasAs a self-taught connoisseur of the malted

hop, my expertise lies in the monumental exposure I've had to alcoholic beverages over

the course of my 24 years. Over time, I de-veloped a "sixth sense," if you will, for tasting brews through this rigorous history. Thus I

stand as an exemplary example of good taste in beer, whose recommendations should be

heeded at all costs.

Michelle Ferreira My extensive, albeit unintentional,

“pub tour” of the UK in the summer of ‘06 along with the subsequent consumption of copious amounts of weird, yet enticing, Scottish and British beers makes me more

than quali&ed to sample and judge, for the bene&t of all, the beverages herein.

Helene GoderisBecause I’m Belgian.

Daniel CraigAlmost 10 years of heavy drinking and a

sensitive gag re$ex that is particularly sensi-tive to bad beers.

Ari SimhaI’m better quali&ed to write on the subject

of alcohol than I would care to admit. Having bartended for many years in a variety of es-

tablishments from the lowly nightclub to the swankiest martini haunt, I know the di!er-

ence between an ale and a lager as well as my subjunctive from my transitive. Though an

accomplished all-around ‘alconaut’ the careful ‘conspicuous’ consumption of so many beers is

for me a new endeavor.

Our council of brew-guzzling judges

sat down and rated 42 beers. They

picked the most memorable to bring

you the boozepaper 2-4. Their results

are on the following pages...

4 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

beer’beer’

beer’

beer’

beer’beer’

beer’ beer’beer’

Red Leaf Lager 2.5

“Bold, smooth. A !ne

beer for both work and

play. Ideal for drinking in

absorbent

quantities.”

Noah

“It’ll keep the meat on

your bones. A good mar-

inade.

Seriously.”

Ari

beer’

Steelback Light 3.5

”It looked like a mad

scientist made it. Tastes

surprisingly very good. I’d

get drunk on it. Wouldn’t

want 2 C it come back out

tho.”

Kevin

“I’m a fan of dark,

"avourful beers, so this is

something I would drink

regularly.”

Michelle

“It’s dark. Like the

under lord.”

Helene

beer’

Steelback Tiverton Dark 3.5

“A nice, water-like beer

in texture and colouring. A

mouthful of freshness.”

Noah

“I taste summer!! And

it not the girl I meet back-

packing in Europe.”

Kevin

beer’

Devil’s Pale Ale 666 3

“Ideal for accompanying

pretzels and sausages at

a Blue Jay’s game.”

Noah

“Bitter, but not com-

plex.”

Ari

beer’

Steamwhistle Pilsner 2.5

“Mediocre at !rst, but

the aftertaste is surpris-

ingly

redeeming. Hints of oak,

acorn and pine.”

Noah

“Tastes like a beer Wal-

Mart would make. Cheap!!

I’d still get drunk on it the

day before payday.”

Kevin

beer’

Green Tea Ale 3

“Grainy, dandylion tea,

slight honey undertone.

Could only drink one but

I’d pair it as carefully as I

would a wine.”

Ari

“Pretty weak. Far too

sweet, with too much

inner-con"ict. Only for the

drunk

and the lonely.”

Noah

beer’

Muskoka Cream Ale 2.5

“This beer has

no sense of humour.”

Peter

“Penten. Pretech.

Pretenshus.”

Kevin

beer’

Muskoka Dark Ale 2

“Nice dark beer. Very

crisp and

smells smokey.”

Michelle

“Dark, smooth and

ready. Hints of roast and

summertime. Perhaps a

tad too shadowy though.”

Noah

beer’

Black Oak Pale Ale 4

“Zeus himself would

guzzle this from his

diamond-encrusted

chalice.”

Noah

“Makes me want to bang

my girlfriend outside. But

!rst, I’m gonna get her to

drink this beer. ‘No hunny, I

didn’t bring a lemon.’”

Kevin

beer’ beer’beer’

Lug Treat Lagered Ale 2

“Crisp and delightful,

like a fall day.”

Peter

“There’s a sharpness to

it, but behind the scenes,

this beer is just trying to

hide its own shortcoming.”

Noah

beer’

King Pilsner 2.5

“Can I smoke this beer?

Cheech and Chong made

this stu$.”

Kevin

“Flavorful and well-

crafted. A fruity and hoppy

ale.”

Peter

beer’beer’

Curmudgeon 2

“At odds with itself. This

beer needs to center its chi

if it hopes to reach beer-

drinkers nirvana.”

Noah

“Coppery nose. Deeply

bitter up front, but doesn’t

linger.”

Ari

the newspaper 5April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

beer’ beer’

beer’beer’

beer’

beer’

beer’

beer’ beer’beer’

Elora Special Bitter 2

“Piercing and shrewd.

With an enigmatic after-

taste, this beer is destined

to haunt the tastebuds for

days after

imbibing.”

Noah

“Smells like honey.

Tastes like dead bees.”

Ari

beer’Paddy’s Ale 1

“Popular amongst the

glue-sni!ng crowd.”

Helene

“Passive and easy. Like

the last one, lacking utter

presence and a"ecting

nothing but the manufac-

tured taste

of inaptitude.”

Noah

beer’Abbey Belgian Ale 4

“Bohemian and peaceful.

If it is the dawning of the

Age of Aquarius, then this

beer deserves to be wor-

shipped for

the diety it is.”

Noah

“Like my penis: tastes

great, less #lling with no

aftertaste.”

Kevin

beer’Elora Irish Ale 2

“Sweat and glue”

Ari

“This could help get you

in the zone. The comfort

zone.”

Helene

”Tasty at #rst, but not

memorable in the long

run. Like a shocking piece

of art, this beer’s charm

runs out after the second

viewing.”

Noah

beer’Buzz 3

“Blank in its disposition

and fortitude. Without de-

#ning continents, this beer

lends itself to young and

mumbles.”

Noah

“Tastes like your mom.”

Helene

beer’

Cool Blonde Lager 4

“Clean, fresh and con-

sisting of meaningful

$avours, this beer is enjoy-

able. It inspires the tongue

to sing.”

Noah

“Frat party in your

mouth.”

Ari

beer’

10W30 2.5

“Dark and rich with the

full embodiment of $avour.

A #ne selection to exhibit

the virtues of almond and

dark roast.”

Noah

“Surprisingly watery

taste for a dark beer. Dark

beer should not be watery.

I know it, you know it, the

American people know it.”

Dan

beer’Mill Street Organic 2

“I’ve heard of this stu".

I think it’s free range beer.

Like they used to make it

back in the olden days.”

Kevin

“Loose and light, this

beer plays fast and easy

with its

$avour. It fumbles the

ball right o" the snap.”

Noah

beer’Mill Street Tank House 3

“Aromatic, very strong, a

serious beer drinker’s beer.

Not for chugging!”

Michelle

“Full of sweet vigour,

mixing the good vibrations

of amber with the mellow

substance of #ne narley. An

able candidate to become

President of the United

States of Beer.”

Noah

beer’Cameron’s Lager 3.5

“This tastes like watered

down Ein-stein’s lager. And

that s*** is watered down

to begin with.”

Dan

“Drinkable, in a good

way.”

Ari

beer’beer’

Hoptical Illusion 3

“Not bad, not bad. I com-

mend this beer’s inventor

for knowing the general

constitution of quality

craftsmanship. A little more

details, however, would be

nice.”

Noah

“Man, did that go down

easy. Like my date on prom

night.”

Kevin

beer’beer’Celtic Irish Ale 2.5

“Q: Why did the chicken

cross the road

A: NOT to drink this

beer.”

Noah

“Once you go dark, you

never go back.”

Helene

Photos: Zach Slootsky

6 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

DANIEL CRAIG

Newspaper Sta�

In hot water over !re water

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In many ways the future of

serving alcohol in Ontario is

being played out in a courtroom

in Bracebridge, Ontario. The

case at hand involves drinking

and driving, but it also involves

young, student-aged bartenders

to be possibly convicted on very

serious, though non-criminal,

charges. Anyone who works, or

is planning on working in a bar

this summer, should pay close

attention.

Last July, Tyler Mulcahy, Cory

Mintz, and Kourosh Totonchian

died in a fatal car accident in the

Muskoka Lakes District. Mulcahy’s

Audi became partially sub-

merged in a nearby river after it

broke through a guardrail at high

speeds. The lone survivor, Nas-

tasia Elzinga, managed to crawl

to safety and get help, but her

three friends were not so lucky.

Earlier that afternoon, the group

was served what some would

call copious amounts of alcohol

at the Water’s Edge restaurant, a

part of the Lake Joseph Club.

The OPP, in conjunction with

the Alcohol and Gaming Com-

mission of Ontario, has pressed

charges against an unpreced-

ented 16 employees from

multiple levels of the ClubLink

corporation which owns the Lake

Joseph golf club. The accused

range from majority ClubLink

shareholder Kuldip Sahi and bar

manager Walter Moon, all the

way down to the two bartenders

who were working on the day of

the crash.

Charges against two of the

accused were dropped after it

was revealed that they were no

longer working for ClubLink at

the time of the incident. The

14 remaining defendants face

!nes of up to $100,000 or up to

12 months in prison. Addition-

ally, ClubLink could lose its

liquor license at the Lake Joseph

Club and faces a !ne of up to

$250,000.

Although there is little doubt

that bars of all types in Ontario

will be paying close attention to

this trial, Club Joe – the locals’

name for the golf club – is not

your average watering hole. With

professional hockey players like

Darcy Tucker counted among the

several millionaire members of

Club Joe, it often can be dif-

!cult to ‘cut people o(’ from the

alcohol supply.

There has been an ongoing

culture of irresponsible serving

practices in part because of the

status of some of their members,

says a Water’s Edge employee

of 3 years who has chosen to

remain unnamed. Our source

was not working at the time of

the incident but said, “You don’t

want to upset the members,

because if they get pissed o(

you can lose your job.” Making it

even more di*cult for servers to

draw the line, the idea of keeping

the liquor +owing to keep the

members happy was reinforced

by management at the club.

Who will take the fall for all

these charges is yet to be known,

but chances are that bartenders

will take a hit. Being a bartender,

our source has mixed feelings

about fellow servers facing the

chopping block. However, given

their history of reluctance to ‘cut

people o(,’ Club Joe ought to be

sent a message: “These are young

people being charged, yes, but

the culture there is messed up.

Club Joe needs to be shocked to

prevent something like this from

happening in the future.”

Serving booze for a summer

job is great money. After wages,

there is a potential to make

notable sums of cash in tips,

especially at high-rolling estab-

lishments like the Lake Joseph

Club. However, students need

to be sure they are protected. If

you think that someone should

be cut o( but your manager suc-

cessfully encourages you to keep

serving, you could be on the

hook – for $100,000 or a full year

in jail, not to mention the guilt

associated with a potential drunk

driving scenario. No amount of

tips can cover a cost like that.

Club Joe serves up controversy

Day boozing

ELSBETH MORIARTY

Newspaper Sta�

Ode to a drunken afternoon

the news

As the seal breaks on winter

and bursts of hopeful, warm

temperatures grace the less

disillusioned Toronto masses,

!ve o’clock can hit and you may

not actually have the urge to

run home and assume the fetal

position.

With the newfound extension

of daylight comes myriad options

of what to do after school or

work. Some opt for healthy, soul-

enriching activities like walking,

running, or group sports. Others

– and it is to you that I address

this homage – say , ‘Fuck it. Let’s

get drunk.’

Drinking during the day is a

fun and exciting pastime that

often gets overlooked, either

due to indi(erence or shame.

While staggering on the subway

may seem more socially accept-

able on a Friday night than, say,

mid-afternoon on a Tuesday, the

simple pleasures of the afternoon

bender can make looking like an

alcoholic worth all the while.

Getting drunk during the day

bears a number of advantages.

When you go out drinking at

night, there is usually a con-

siderable break between your

busy day and your evening

debauchery. While some might

argue that this provides a neces-

sary decompression period, I for

one enjoy the novel lack of transi-

tion between serious daytime

self and silly wasted self. The

stresses of the day are instantly

drowned in a pint, and suddenly,

nothing seems as consequential

or worrying as it did only minutes

before.

There is also a certain cama-

raderie that comes with daytime

drinkers; if you happen to be

in a lively, student pub where

everyone is saying a communal

‘Fuck It’ to the constraints of

responsibility, the mood is light

and spontaneous, and you often

experience a happier, more in-

tense drunk than you would, had

you spent an hour getting ready

for an anticipated night out.

Another nice thing about

daytime drinking, especially in a

climate like ours, is that !nding

your way home can be that much

easier. With spring upon us, the

extra degrees of warmth that

accompany daytime can inspire a

long, stumbly drunk walk home

through the pleasant sunshine,

letting you spend your extra cash

on drinks, rather than pesky cab

fare.

While getting yourself to

your bed can seem complicated

and pricey after a long night of

boozing, the daylight provides a

safe and cheap haven for those

who would otherwise be wary

of lurching home alone through

dark and scary city streets.

Lastly, getting wasted during

the day boasts the serious

advantage of not having to worry

about the dreaded morning after.

(Unless you brought someone

random home; in that case,

you’re on your own). Hangovers

are easily avoided when you

have your last drink at dusk,

rather than at, say, 2 a.m. As long

as you get some greasy in you

after leaving the bar, which is

pretty much a given anyways,

and pound back a glass or two of

water, the likelihood of waking

up ill is far reduced.

Falling asleep at !ve o’clock,

which is again, highly probable

after an afternoon of drinking,

means that you get to wake up

refreshed and cheerful – ready

for another bright and sunny day

of boozing. Enjoy!

Photo: Ashley Minuk

the newspaper 7April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

To qualify for student pricing, student must present either (i) a T2202a documenting 4 or more months of full-time attendance at a college or university during 2008 or (ii) a valid high school identifi cation card. Expires July 31, 2009. Must also qualify for Instant Cash Back and Cash Back products. See offi ce for details. Valid only at participating H&R Block locations in Canada. SPC Card offers valid from 08/01/08 to 07/31/09 at participating locations in Canada only. For Cardholder only. Offers may vary, restrictions may apply. Usage may be restricted when used in conjunction with any other offer or retailer loyalty card discounts. Cannot be used towards the purchase of gift cards or certifi cates.

walk in with your taxes, walk out with your money and you could win $5,000 towards a road trip. visit refundroadtrip.ca

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fast

BISTRO 422

The surly servers will test your

social patience, but once the

drinks arrive, the hassle is worth

it. With $9 pitchers of beer and

$12 mini-pitcher of a mixed drink,

Bistro is easy on the wallet and

good on the gut. Try the fries.

Located near the intersec-

tion of Bathurst and College, it’s

close to campus and close to the

Sneaky Dee’s late night kitchen.

It’s downstairs from the sidewalk,

narrow inside, but it boasts a

smoke-friendly, heated patio.

If you hit Bistro on Thursday,

one drink will buy you a ra#e

ticket. If you’re lucky, you win

more drinks. Chicken wings

are half price on Wednesdays

and their nachos are $4.50 on

Mondays.

The Bistro has been dubbed

‘the Beast’ for its hole-in-the-wall

reputation; but of all the dives in

the city, it’s the cheapest, most

accessible, most charming and

most devoid of crack heads.

EIN-STEIN’S

Located at 229 College across

from the U of T Bookstore,

Ein-stein’s has been serving U of

T students and stragglers alike

since 1996.

Not only is this bar in your

‘hood, it serves $10 pitchers of

house beer and carries a solid

menu, including fried pickles and

a $3 basket of fries.

Show up on Sundays to shoot

some free pool on their two

tables (a good thing for those

of us who are trying to improve

Bar reviews Where to pound itDANIEL CRAIG AND

HELENE GODERIS

Newspaper Sta�

the arts

our break). The games room has

a foosball table should you wish

to take on your superior-skilled

friends.

Ein-stein’s also boasts an array

of colorful regulars, from Hoser to

the Latvian triplets to engineers

in blue coveralls.

Bar service is for the most part

friendly.

GSU PUB

For my +rst couple of years

spent at U of T I was under the

impression that the Grad Stu-

dent’s Union Pub was exclusive

to grad students. I have lately dis-

covered that this is not the case

and it actually is a very pleasant

place to have a few pints.

Boasting one of the only free

sources of popcorn on campus

(everyday from 6 - 9) and a

basketball court, this pub is

open to undergrads and other

pedestrians provided that you

behave yourself. Specials include:

free pool on Tues. and Thurs.

from 6 - closing (usually around

midnight), a rock band feature on

the last Wed. of every month, and

$12.25 for a sophisticated pitcher

of GSU Lager.

RONNIE’S

The din of the patio crowd

at Ronnie’s can be heard while

walking in Kensington Market

as the weather gets warmer this

time of year. Situated at Augusta

and Nassau, Ronnie’s has a cozy

interior and a sprawling patio.

Bartenders here are the best,

because they’re super liberal with

the amount of booze they put in

your mixed drinks.

the newspaper sta/ enjoy a cold one outside the GSU Pub after a

hard day’s work

Photo: Helene Goderis

8 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

the end the jumblerBY: ASHLEY MINUK Unscramble the letters to form

common words.

Use the letters in the

highlighted boxes to answer

the riddle!

Place the 12 letters provided into the grid in order to create

EIGHT common four-letter words; 4 horizontal & 4 vertical.

the four-wordBY: ANDREW GYORKOS

SNOBI

YERNT

ASNAVC

TEZALO

What you call the U of T football team the

night after a tough loss

E

L

E

T

D, E, E, G,

I, N, O, R,

S, S, T, U