issue 251 | august 2015€¦ · there’s plenty of space and the cars will add another feature to...

Issue 251 | August 2015

EDITORIAL

NEWS EDITORAndy Webberemail: [email protected]: 07771 852703

CONTRIBUTORSColin MastersonColin ManconiHarry KuehlingAndy WebberBrian PearsonNorman Alford

Contributions welcome.Please email all contributions includingphotographs, articles and reviews to:[email protected]

Deadline for all articles, contributions andad’s for the next edition is September 7th.

ADVERTISINGColin Manconiemail: [email protected]: 07977 474637

SUBSCRIPTIONSColin Manconiemail: [email protected]: 07977 474637

Annual subscriptions are £20 per annum,payable to the treasurer.

PUBLISHINGDesign & Print byTrendy Design CoWeb: www.trendy-designs.co.ukemail: [email protected]: 0845 366 58 48

Andy Webber

Hello!The summer rolls on and the car shows comethick and fast. We’ve attended SherborneCastle, St Fagans, Silverstone Classic, andSouth Gloucestershire as well as the popularHay-on-Wye show. Once again thanks to our roving, raving jour-nalist Mr Masterson for his informative & witty write-ups.

Once again I really enjoyed Silverstone Classic - it really ismy favourite event of the year now that Tredegar Park has finished.We always have a good following from the region at this event andthis year had three ‘Silverstone Classic’ virgins with Scott, Paul &Peter attending for the first time. Big thanks to the JEC for theirhospitality and support throughout the 3 days. The weather wasbeautiful for the South Gloucestershire show that Graham Searleplays such a big part in organising and there were over 300 cars inattendance as well as Camel racing! This show will grow year onyear and we look forward to supporting it as a region.

It’s great to see the Jaguar XE hit the roads; I’ve spottedquite a few already and although I’ve yet to speak to an owner toget first hand feedback its been well received by all the motoringpress. The local dealer hadbought the XE 3.0 litre super-charged version along to Sher-borne Castle (see pic below),although a few membersthought it was the existing XF asit looks very similar. I hope thatthis will grow the Jaguar brandeven further alongside the newXF, launched later this year andunveiling of the first Jaguar SUV,the F-Pace.

As mentioned at our last meeting we have a new event toadd to the list on Sunday 30th of August, which will play a hugepart in supporting the existence of my own Football & Cricket club.Every year we have a music festival organised as a communityevent including a hog roast and fully stocked bar etc in order toraise money for the club. There’s plenty of space and the cars willadd another feature to this popular community event in Ponthir,just outside Caerleon. For a change there’s no forms to fill in just letme know if you’re interested! See the flyer inside for further details.We look forward to welcoming members of the Bristol region whoare making the trip across.

We’re hoping to welcome guests this month from the AstonMartin Owners Club who have recently started a region in SouthWales. Please give a warm welcome to Phil, Lex and the othermembers.

Until next month…

I’m hoping that if you don’t manage to make it along to ourclub meetings at the BBC club, Llandaff that you’re reading thisand would like to know more – you’ll be made to feel verywelcome if you join us on the third Wednesday of every month.Further details of our meeting place are at the back of themagazine.

Disclaimer:Jaguar Enthusiasts Club South Wales Region Magazine strives toprovide accurate and up-to-date information. If you have seen amistake or anything that you are not happy with then please e-mailus: [email protected]

All information is correct at the time of print and any unauthorisedcopying or reproducing will constitute an infringement of copyright.All articles are copyright of their respective owners.

©Jaguar Enthusiasts Club South Wales Region Magazine 2015, AllRights Reserved.

and finally…

IN THIS MONTHS EDITION

August 2015 JEC South Wales 3

Silverstone ClassicRocking & Rolling 201518

Regional News ReportBy Colin Manconi4 The Torbay Flyer

By Harry Kuehling8

Classics At The CastleSherborne Castle, Dorset14 South Gloucestershire

Show 201524

Humour & Anecdotes28

WE NEED YOUR HELPOur Regional Magazine takes a great deal of work to put together each month andwe need your help to improve it. We need members to take up the challenge and supply new originalarticles and reviews. These can be about your Jaguar cars, experiences or reviews onparts/ products used on your Jag. While you may not think of yourself as the next award winning journalist,your unique articles and reviews will no doubt be of interest and welcomed by ourother members. Even if you don’t get to the monthly meetings or shows, we still would liketo hear from you about your Jaguar experiences. Don’t worry about the design or look of any content you submit, thedesign company who produce the magazine for us will take care of that. So what are you waiting for, get writing that article!

To submit any articles or reviews simply email it together with any photos to:[email protected]

went down very well with a cup ofcoffee.

The featured marque thisyear was Lotus with some fabulouscars on the Lotus stand. Of particularinterest was a Lotus Formula 1 carwhich is owned by a gentleman inNewport. I had a long chat with himand saw him again the followingweek at Silverstone where he wasdemonstrating the car in the mostatrocious of conditions.

At the end of the show wewere asked to take the XJ220 to theorganiser’s stand where we lined upwith a Ferrari and a BMW to find thatour Jaguar Stand had won third prizefor best Club Stand. Good, but nextyear we want First Prize!

It was soon time to pack upand we had a clear run home withnot much traffic on the M5.This is a great show and I would urgeall members to come next year. It isbeing held on the 17th of July 2016. A full report is on page 14.

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4 JEC South Wales August 2015

banking just past copse corner, byJames, Rob, Simon and Helen andLetitia who had set the stand up theprevious day. Unfortunately as we drovearound to the banking Colin’s E typedecided to burst a clutch hydraulicpipe and despite managing to getsome piping to join the pipe fromone of the teams racing at the cir-cuit, the master cylinder had alsogiven up the ghost, so the car had tobe recovered to a local specialistgarage. Not a good way to start theweekend and then it started to rainagain very heavily.

We spent some time walkingaround all the auto jumble standsand admiring some of the classiccars with our umbrellas up.

SHERBORNE CASTLE –CLASSICS AT THE CASTLEThis is the third year we have attend-ed this show and it gets better andbetter. We met as usual at the oldSeven Bridge, Andy and Heather,Colin, Paul and myself. Dave andRuth met us there. We had a goodrun down on the M5 and then cutacross country to Sherborne.

The venue could notbe better as Sherborne Castle, builtby Sir Walter Raleigh in 1594, sits be-side a 50 acre lake and 30 acres ofgardens designed by CapabilityBrown. It has been the home of theDigby family since 1617 and the or-ganizers were able to stage thisevent by kind permission of thepresent head of the family – Mr JohnWingfield- Digby. Across the lakestands the ruin of the Old Castle, builtby the Normans in the 12th centuryand falling to Cromwell in 1646 dur-ing the Civil War, since when it hasremained a noble ruin.

Over 1600 classic cars at-tended the show which included aCar Auction and a large auto jumblearea.

Our Jaguar Stand was acombination of Bristol, Dorset andSouth Wales areas and was situatedright in the middle of the Show-ground. We had a huge variety ofcars on the stand ranging from earlyE types right up to a modern F TypeR.

We set up our new eventshelter and soon our resident chefPaul had the bacon rolls ready. Theshow is spread out over a large areaand we spent some time in the autojumble area and then walkingaround the various classic cars ondisplay. Lunch time arrived andagain Paul worked his magic and wewere soon full up with burgers. Lateron Ruth brought out her world re-nowned chocolate cake which

…

SILVERSTONE CLASSICThis is billed as the “Biggest ClassicMotor Racing Festival in the World”with over 10000 classic cars attend-ing and 24 classic races over theweekend. Andy in his XJS, Colin in hisE-Type, Paul in his E Type, Peter in hisXKRS, Scott in his XK8, Neville and hisgrandson in his MK2 and myself in theXJ220 all met at the Old Seven Bridgeearly Friday morning for the trip up toSilverstone. Dave and Ruth in theirXK8 arranged to meet us there. Un-fortunately the weather forecast wasnot good and it was raining quiteheavily as we left. It stopped as wegot onto the A34 and from then onwe had a good run to Silverstone,stopping to fill up with petrol andsandwiches, as the food at Silver-stone leaves a lot to be desired. Wewere welcomed on to the JEC stand,which was situated on top of the

We normally leave the circuitat about 6.30pm to book in the Hotel,but by 3.45 the rain was so heavythat we decided to close the standup early and head to the Hotel. Idecided to leave the XJ220 on thestand for the night rather than take itto the hotel as the A43 becomes verycongested and the car doesn’t likebeing stuck in stop start traffic. Pauldecided to leave his E Type as well.

We stayed in the Premier Innin Harpole as per the previous yearand as it had been refurbished wefound it very good. The JEC organis-ers also stayed in the hotel, so for theevenings I had booked a local res-taurant for the meals. It is sometimesnice to stay at Silverstone on the Fri-day and Saturday nights to listen tothe music and watch the Group Cracing in the dusk, but most of therestaurants are shut by the time weget back.

On Friday evening we organ-ised a couple of taxis to take us tothe Cromwell Cottage, Kislinbury tohave very pleasant meal with James,Rob, Letitia and Helen from the JEC.

We woke up on Saturday

By Colin ManconiRegional Representative

�the 170 acre siteat the WindmillFishery Show-ground, Wester-leigh. The eventis getting biggerevery year witha new event this year, Camel Rac-ing. The JEC sponsored a camel andon Saturday it won, all suspicions of aJEC “fix “were unfounded. (Theycould not prove it.) Rumours that itwas Graham dressed up as an Arabcamel jockey were not true, he hadbeen in the bar with Norman andmyself and would not have had timeto change, or we think he wouldn’t!

morning to a nice fine day. Unfortu-nately as we were having breakfast Ireceived a phone call from Jamessaying that the Copse Banking wasflooded, it had rained all night, andthat the Silverstone organisers haddecided that we had to now park ina car park behind the stand on theold pit straight which well out of theway for anything. We rushed break-fast and upon arriving at Silverstonewe were directed to the car parkand helped park some very an-noyed Jaguar owners. We decided to walk over tothe Copse Banking, Paul and I want-ed to check if our cars were ok. Boththe JEC and JDC were parked on thebanking and upon arriving there wefound that the JDC side was notflooded but most of our side was. Thedecision was then taken to leave theJEC gazebos where they were andalso the charity car, as to take themdown and move them was impracti-cal. Some of the members who hadwalked around then went back andbrought their cars over onto the dryparts of the stand. The forecast for Sunday wasmore bad weather so we decided totake the Route master bus over tothe new pit complex and make themost of the dry day. It is amazing tosee the number of huge transporterslined up alongside each other. Justlike you see on TV with F1. There is atremendous amount of money inClassic Car Racing now. Nevilleloaned us his catalogue for entry intothe auction and we all spent a con-siderable amount of time lookingaround the different cars. Some verynice cars with some very high prices.


We then decided to lookaround the 10,000 odd classic carsand watch the racing. The range ofcars are amazing and being able togo anywhere including inside thepits, unlike F1, really makes it much

more interesting. In the evening twelve of usagain went to the Cromwell Cottagefor a very nice meal.

Sunday arrived and for oncethe forecast was correct. It rainedand rained and rained. Andy foundsome comfort in the Jet PetroleumMarquee in beating half a dozen 8and 9 year olds on the Scalextrictrack. His winning” shouts of joy“could be heard over the sound ofthe motor racing and the youngsterscrying. Quite embarrassing! As washis parading around the JEC gazebowith his winning medal on! AlsoAndy’s attempts at putting on a freejet poncho were quite interesting.You must not put your head throughthe arm holes Andy. At least we hada good laugh during the rain.

By 1.30pm it was decided tomake our way home and we had arelaxed run home in the rain.Despite the weather everyoneseemed to have enjoyed themselvesand we must just hope for betterweather next year. A full report on this event canbe found on pages 18.

This was the second year of a newshow organised by Graham Searle ofthe JEC. It is a two day show and Iwent up on the Saturday to give Gra-ham a hand. The show was held at

SOUTH GLOUCESTER SHOW

On Sunday we met at the old SevenBridge. Paul, Andy and Heather,Dave and Ruth, Scott, Keith, Colin inhis Bentley, the E Type was still beingrepaired and myself. The weatherwas fine and we had a good run tothe showground. After parking up weall helped to direct the classic cars tothe correct parking spots. Bristol Re-gion had put up two event sheltersand offered the use of one of themto us. It saved us carrying ours. Thankyou Bristol Region. Paul soon had thebacon rolls ready and then it wastime to walk around the show. It is avery good show with lots to do for thefamily. There were over 350 classiccars attending with a beer festival,shooting, fishing and golf competi-tions, a music festival, a large fair-ground and main arena with lots ofdifferent events during the day. Aftera couple of burgers for lunch, thanks

Regional News Continued…

�

Paul, and a slice of Ruth’s deliciouschocolate cake in the afternoon wehelped to take down the JEC gaze-bo and left at about 5.00pm.The event is being held again nextyear and I would recommend it to allour members. A full report on this event is onpages 24.


OUR NEXT SHOWS ARE:PONTHIR MUSIC FESTIVALThis is a new event being organisedby our very own Andy Webber.

It is an informal event. Noforms, no fees just turn up on theday. There will be a Hog Roastavailable with music and other activ-ities. Many of us intend going. Please either ring Andy on07771852703 or e mail him [email protected] and lethim know if you are coming.

It starts a 2.00 so all cars mustbe on site by 1.30 at the latest.

JEC BRISTOL REGION BBQ We have been invited to this eventon Sunday the 13th of September atThornbury near Bristol.

We went to this barbequelast year and it was a very goodevent. The cost is approximately £6and the Bristol Region has to know inadvance how many of our membersare going to attend so they can ar-range the food.

Quite a few of our membersintend going. If you would like tocome along please let me know andI can then pass on our names to theBristol Region.

MARGAM PARK CLASSICCAR RALLYThis is being held on the 20th of Sep-tember at Margam Park.

It is being held in place of theTredegar Park Show by a new organ-isation. All proceeds will go to Leu-kaemia Research.

I still do not know how theshow is going to be organised and ifwe will be able to have a JaguarStand. As soon as I get more informa-tion I will let you know.

THREE COUNTIES CLASSICCAR SHOW At MALVERNThis is on Sunday the 11th of Octoberat the Three Counties Showground atMalvern.

We normally attend this showevery year. It has to be booked inadvance and the cost is £4.00. If youintend to go please let me know andforward the £4.00 so I can apply fortickets.

JAGUAR INTERNATIONALSPARES DAY STONELEIGHThis is on Sunday the 11th of Octoberat Stoneleigh Park Exhibition andConference Centre, Stoneleigh War-wickshire.

It is probably the biggest Jag-uar Spares event anywhere in theworld. Unfortunately it clashes withthe Three Counties Show at Malvernso you will have to decide which oneto attend.

CASTLE COMBE CLASSICACTION DAYThis is being held on the 3rd of Octo-ber 2015.

It is a great event with hun-dreds of classic cars racing and aspecial Jaguar Stand for all our mem-bers. This year the tickets must beordered through the JEC not throughCastle Combe.

If you order with CastleCombe you will be put in the generalcar park. The cost is £15 per adult,£10 for a senior.

I have forms to apply, other-wise contact Graham Searle at JECon 01179698186. Please book as soonas possible.

WE NEEDYOUR HELPOur Regional Magazine takes agreat deal of work to put togethereach month and we need your helpto improve it. We need members to takeup the challenge and supply neworiginal articles and reviews. Thesecan be about your Jaguar cars, ex-periences or reviews on parts/ prod-ucts used on your Jag. While you may not think ofyourself as the next award winningjournalist, your unique articles andreviews will no doubt be of interestand welcomed by our other mem-bers. Even if you don’t get to themonthly meetings or shows, we stillwould like to hear from you aboutyour Jaguar experiences. Don’t worry about the de-sign or look of any content you sub-mit, the design company whoproduce the magazine for us willtake care of that. So what are you waiting for,get writing that article!

To submit any articles or reviewssimply email it together with anyphotos to: [email protected]


Greetings from the English Riviera

By Harry Kuehling

POWDERHAM CASTLE CLAS-SIC CAR SHOW – 12th JULYThis is a large two day event. I wentalong, in the Daimler, with Chris Juni-per on the Sunday.

It’s been an extremely busy monthdown here in Riviera country! So manylocal events to keep us entertained!

know about the show. We stoppedto have a quick look & take somephotos.

On this occasion Natasha & Ijust went along to have a quick lookand share a cream tea! Only oneJaguar Mk 2 owned by TOWC mem-ber Barbara Eastley on display. Bar-bara hates to have her photo taken– difficult to avoid as her car is insuperb condition & very photogenic!

prior to the show. A group of about12 of us met up on Paignton Greenon Monday morning 20th July to markout the field according to Rex El-ston’s master plan (similar to theplans used for the Tredegar Houseshows). There was another gatheringon the Tuesday evening to do somemore final checking. We then had ameeting in our usual venue, theFarmhouse Tavern, on the Thursdayevening to sort out everyone’s re-sponsibilities, marshalls, issuing yellowdayglo jackets, copies of the plans,copies of marshall’s guidance notesetc. Natasha & I were in charge of

Powderham Castle is a bit of amisnomer as there was no easy accessfrom the show field to the Castle. Thefield is alongside the Exe estuary with atrain line in between. The Torbay Ex-press steam train went past as I left thefield later on!

We parked up with the TOWCmembers with more than 20 club carson display. Lots to do and see withquite a large auto jumble, many clas-sic cars and clubs as well as displays bysteam traction engines.

The TOWC has a tradition ofsharing cakes in the afternoon (as wellas the usual burgers) – very civilised!

TORRE ABBEY SHOW – 19thJULYQuite a small show organised (for theclassic cars) by the West CountryClassic Vehicle Club.

The cars were arrangedaround Torre Abbey in Torquay whilethe main funfair etc. was further alongon the field close to the seafront.

BARTON HILL CAR SHOW –SATURDAY 25TH JULYAnother very small local show held inchurch grounds in the Barton Hill ar-ea of Torquay. Natasha & I just hap-pened to be passing by – we didn’t

TOWC - RIVIERA CLASSICCAR SHOW – 26th JULYShould I rename this as the “RivieraClassic Water Sports Show”!? Therewas a lot of planning and organising


marshalling the Torbay Mini Club &Tamar Valley MG Owners Club carsinto their allotted spaces. I was alsoappointed as one of the official pho-tographers. The evening ended witha pleasant buffet meal. It was a very early start on theSunday morning. I arrived in theDaimler at 6.15am and met up withan army of TOWC members. At firstwe had very light rain while we set upbarriers, posts, tapes, gazebos, clubname/sign posts, speed limits signsetc. However the rain just got steadi-ly worse and worse and the field wasgetting very water logged. We werealso soaked to the skin. We weregrateful for a breakfast bread rollwith bacon, egg & burger. Unfortu-nately, the decision was forced uponus to cancel the event. The two pos-sible entrances for cars were virtuallyswamps/lakes.

It didn’t take long for us topack up & leave the field. One mem-ber updated the TOWC website toconfirm the cancellation. A few re-mained behind to advise brave en-trants arriving in their classic cars thatthe show had been cancelled. I wasvery grateful to get home for a hotshower and change into warm dryclothing! Such a shame to cancelafter all the planning & hard work.The first time in the club’s 23 yearhistory. Better luck next year.

TORBAY STEAM FAIR,BRIXHAM – 31st JULYThis is a large three day event basedon fields near Brixham. There weresections for classic cars, steam trac-tion engines (including ploughing,sawing & threshing/baling demon-strations), farm tractors and machin-ery, an autojumble/boot sale, craftsmarquee and the largest fairgroundorgan player all the way from Hol-land. The weather was very hot &sunny. Natasha & I enjoyed our walkaround all the exhibits and particu-larly enjoyed listening to the Dutch

organ. A few TOWC members hadcars on display including Val & Derekwith their 1933 Austin. This was the firsttime we saw this car as it was off theroad for some time having work done

on the back axle & propshaft. Peter,my neighbour up the road, was alsothere in his Austin Healey 3000. Therewas even an E Type in the same own-ership for 27 years where the owner is


still planning to restore it! Must try toget an entry for the Daimler next year!

MOUNT EDGCUMBECLASSIC CAR SHOW– 2nd AUGUSTAnother large event this time basedat Mount Edgcumbe just across thewater from Plymouth. Natasha & Ifollowed two different routes gettingto and from the event in our “classic”Audi. To get to the event we crossedthe Tamar Bridge and travelled thelong way round via Saltash & Tide-ford before skirting Whitsand Bay. Forour return journey we took advicefrom Julian (TOWC Chairman) totake a shortcut to the car ferry atTorpoint. Very much easier and it waslike being on holiday getting on andoff the ferry! Well worth it at only£1.50 for the fare.

Very long queues to get intothe show. This time a smaller displayby TOWC but many classic cars ondisplay in the show. There was also alarge area for classic Jaguars next toBMWs! Unfortunately the autojumblehas virtually disappeared in recentyears to be replaced by lots of dis-plays by charities! Shame! The gar-dens were well worth viewing as wellas the walk along the bank of theTamar river. Very picturesque.

SUPER WEEKEND, TORQUAYHARBOUR – 8th AUGUSTThis is another two day event basedat Princess Gardens alongside

Torquay Marina catering for modernsuper cars including Ferraris, Lam-borghinis, Aston Martins, Jaguars,Bentleys, Mercedes, BMWs, Porsches,Range Rover, Nissan GTR etc. Serious

big money cars to drool over! Brilliantsetting with lots of yachts in the back-ground. I even spotted a beautifullyrestored 1966 E Type roadster. Thishad been built up in the style of a


lightweight E Type and, unusually,had external bonnet locks – on a1966 car!? There were a few of “our”classic cars mixed into the displaysincluding a 1960s S Type and a Daim-ler Series 3 XJ6 with an unusual bon-net mascot.

There were also displays byUK Garrison, a Star Wars costuminggroup & they brought Darth Vader’sImperial Storm Troopers to town!The event is supported by TorbayCouncil and this year was raisingfunds for “Just a Drop”, a charity thatworks to reduce child mortality bydelivering safe, clean water in someof the poorest and remotest regionsin the world.

LUPTON HOUSE 1940sWEEKEND – 9th AUGUSTWe just happened to find out aboutthis two day event by spotting aroadside banner advertising it on ourway to a car boot sale in Paignton!Not really a classic car show butthere were a few vintage cars on

show as well as many 1940s Jeepsand other trucks! Fascinating to walkaround the individual displays as wellas listen to the 1940s music (including

Vera Lynn!). They even had full scalemodels of the Hawker Hurricane &Supermarine Spitfire on display. For afiver you could sit in the Spitfire! The

All classic car makes/models/ages welcome!

M4 Junc 24 (Coldra r’about by Celtic Manor):- From any direction take the exit marked ‘Celtic Manor’ with a brown sign. Carry on up the road for approx 0.6 mile passing both Celtic manorentrances take the right hand turn immediately before the ‘Toby Cavery’ Pub up a steep hill. Follow that road and you’ll start to drop down the hill on the other side past the ‘Kings Arms’pub and down into Caerleon. Take a right at the junction by the ‘Ship Inn’ pub and go over the bridge into Caerleon. Follow the road for approx 0.6miles and at the roundabout take the 1stexit left to Ponthir. Follow this road for approx (1.6miles) and take a left immediately after the ‘The Star’ pub. (Approx 10mins off the M4)

M4 Junc 25A (from east only):- take the 3rd exit & follow the road through St.Julians into Caerleon (1.4miles) passing the ‘St,Julians’ Pub. On the way into Caerleon you’ll go over a bridge,follow the road for approx 0.6miles and at the roundabout take the 1st exit left to Ponthir. Follow this road for approx (1.6miles) and take a left immediately after the ‘The Star’ pub. (Be-tween 5-10mins off the M4)

M4 Junc 26:- Continue up Malpas Road for approx 1.5mls following signs to Cwmbran and through 6 sets of lights. At the top of Malpas Road you reach a large roundabout (by Rougemontschool), take the 3st exit signposted Pontypool/Police HQ. Take the 1st exit off the next roundabout & at the next roundabout take the 3rd exit both signposted Abergavenny. At next round-about (by Police HQ) follows signs to Caerleon (3rd exit). Carry on for approx 1.7miles until you see the ‘Star Pub’ on the right, take the turning by the pub down into the sports fields whichwill be marked ‘Music Festival’. (Approx 10 mins off the M4 & 5.5miles)

No forms, No fees just turn up on the day!Just so we have an idea of numbers if interested please

ring/text/email:-

Andy WebberTel :- 07771 852703

email :- [email protected]

Ponthir District Sports Club · Oaklands · Ponthir · Newport,NP18 1GA


house itself left a little to be desiredand is badly in need of restoration.An enjoyable outing and only about10 miles from home.

MY DAIMLERSMy previous Daimler 2.5 V8 (JWN58E)was finally collected by the newowner, Sergio Pilotti, in mid July. Ser-gio stayed overnight in Torquay be-fore we travelled to Colin Groom’spremises at Ipplepen. I led Sergio (inhis hired Skoda) in my Daimler V8 250(ALX442H) to Colin Groom’s. We hada good look at JWN before going fora short test drive with me driving. Itwas interesting comparing the twocars. JWN went very well with thereplacement engine showing verygood oil pressure. ALX only showsabout 15 psi when hot! The biggestdifference was in the brakes – farbetter on JWN – and they instilled alot of confidence. I don’t really un-derstand this as the brakes on ALXhave been completely rebuilt withnew seals, pads, flexibles, servo &master cylinder. Possibly it’s a matterof the pads bedding in. I drove just afew miles before turning back as Iwas mindful that I might not be cov-ered by my insurance and JWN wasnot taxed! The only concern was thatthe engine temperature was a littlehigh.

Sergio then had a few daysholiday in Newquay before returningon Friday 17th July. I met up with himat Exeter Airport (where he droppedoff his hired car) and took him toIpplepen to collect JWN. By that timeSteve & Tim at Colin Groom’s hadput the old damaged engine (minussump) into the rear seating area be-hind the driver’s seat, sump and vari-ous parts in the boot & spare autobox in the front passenger footwell!Phew! After a few last minute checksSergio drove off on his long journey toBrescia, Italy with me leading his waythrough Newton Abbot.

His journey was not withoutincident. After about 60 miles a hosecame off & he had to call out agarage to refix it & refill the water. Hegot to his overnight stop near Read-ing with some over heating problems& having to stop to let the car cooldown. The following day he caughtthe cross channel ferry and made hisway across France & Germany(avoiding the French tolls “payage”).He eventually left JWN in a classic

car garage in Nurnberg to have theover heating problems sorted. I haveadvised that they flush the water &cooling system as I did in the early1990s when I first put the car on theroad. I hope he eventually gets JWNhome to Brescia safely.

DENT REMOVALA blonde left her car out in a hail-storm. When the storm was over shechecked the car and found out itwas covered with small dents. Shewent to the local garage and in-quired how to fix the problem. Themechanic jokingly told her to blowon the tailpipe and the dents wouldbe removed. So, she took the carhome parked it and proceeded toblow on the pipe. Another blondecame by and inquired what she wasdoing. She told her she was blowingon the tailpipe to remove the dents.The other blonde responded, "That'snot going to work unless you roll upthe windows!"

All for now.


Meeting at the old Severn CrossingPaul in his E Type, Andy and Heatherin their XJS and I in the Challengerfollowed Colin’s XJ220 in a Convoy

down to Sherborne with Dave andRuth meeting us there with their XK8.We joined the Bristol Region togetherwith members of the Dorset Region. This is another of those showswhere the cars are the stars and I amsure you would prefer me to prattleon about them rather than and end-less moan about the dearth of icecreams in the South Wales regioncamp. The great selection of some-thing like 1,200 classic cars from vet-erans to supercars, trade stands,autojumble and cars for sale in theauction was the reason it was worththe 200 mile round trip from SouthWales.

Lotus were the featuredmarque this year and as well as agood representation of road goingclassics there were a number of inter-esting racers including a Mark 11, 30,a one-off Mark 51A a 58 the mostmodern being a Camel Lotus Judd101/3 from 1989. However the one forme was the ex Jim Clark/Graham HillLotus 49 (and they don’t get muchbetter than that, believe me!). Ofcourse it was powered by the classic3 litre Ford Cosworth DFV enginewhich powered 12 F1 World Champi-ons between 1968 and 1982. Cos-worth was formed in 1958 by FrankCostin and Keith Duckworth (hence

Cosworth), two ex Lotus employees.As a matter of interest, Frank Costindesigned the space frame chassis formy Challenger E Type replica, whichmight explain why it is so good roundcorners! As usual there were quite afew cars from the 1920’s and 1930’scars including some familiar makeslike Humber and Jowett but alsosome really unusual ones like GWKand Donnet. It is always interesting to seerepresentatives of our automotivebackwaters like the 1952 Austin A90

Another report from your rovingreporter although Our erstwhileeditor called me a Raving report-er in last month’s magazine, I as-sume this was a typo and he wasnot intending to indicate an ele-ment of madness on my part

CLASSICSAT T H E

CASTLESHERBORNE CASTLE

Article by Colin Masterson


managing director of BSA from earlyin WWII, and married Norah LadyCollinsin 1949. Nora was twice-wid-owed and wealthy in her own right.This was her third marriage. She hadoriginally been a successful dancehall hostess. Lady Docker took aninterest in her husband's companiesand became a director of Hooper,the coachbuilders who built the caron display at Sherborne.Daughter ofan unsuccessful Birmingham carsalesman Lady Docker could seethat the Daimler cars, no longer pop-ular with the royal family, were in

almost the same time, which cannothave helped its cause! Pre Jaguar (1960 takeover)Daimler cars are interesting andthere was a 1953 Dauphin with Hoop-er Empress Line coachwork, a one offcar run by the general manager ofthe Daimler Motor Company. It wasreminiscent of some of the more out-rageously ostentatious coach-builtDaimlers produced for Lord and La-dy Docker. The story of the Dockers isa fascinating one and worthy of rep-etition. Sir Bernard Docker was the

Atlantic which was designed to sell inthe USA. It was Leonard Lord’s, thethen chairman of Austin’s, idea fol-lowing the Government edict of "Ex-port or die" in the late 1940’s andsteel was allocated only to thosewho generated muchneeded dollar revenue, but theAmericans didn’t want it, it was fartoo expensive. Of the 8,000 built, halfwere exported. Rust was a problem,as with most cars of the period, andonly around 60 survive in the UK withonly half of those still roadworthy. Ofcourse the XK120 was announced at


the end of 1960 all the State Daimlershad been sold and replaced byRolls-Royces. Another car popular at carsshows over the last three years or sois the Rover “150” which is made upfrom two Rover 75 front ends cut inhalf and stuck together. Both frontends seem identical down to steer-ing wheels, instrument panels andeven pedals. Of course one end hasthe engine under the bonnet, theother has the petrol tank and boot.The car is legal to drive on the roadsand has such clever details as redLED bulbs in the headlights as brakelights, although you cannot see thistill they are lit. Fairly extreme was the AustinA35 dragsterwith a 7 litre Pontiacengine and a similarly powered Aus-tin Seven. The A35 was one of thevery first tubular framed dragstersbuilt in the UK in 1973 and has posteda best elapsed ¼ mile of 8.72 sec-onds with a terminal speed of153mph. 0-60 is sub 1.5 seconds! The 2015 Volkwagen XL1 isdescribed as the world’s most fuel-efficient production car, doing 313miles per gallon. The car was devel-oped over 12 years at a cost of

danger of becoming an anachro-nism in the modern world. She took itupon herself to raise Daimler's profile,but in an extravagant fashion, byencouraging Sir Bernard to produceshow cars. These cars became moreextreme and included gold plateamong other things. At the same time Lady Dock-er earned a reputation for havingrather poor social graces when un-der the influence, and she and SirBernard were investigated for failingto correctly declare the amount ofmoney taken out of the country onone of their many visits to the MonteCarlo casino. Sir Bernard was instant-ly dumped "for absenteeism" by theMidland Bank board (Andy bewarned!) without waiting for thecourt case. Norah drew further at-tention. She ran up large bills andpresented them to Daimler as busi-ness expenses, but these were disal-lowed by the Tax Office. The publicityattached to this and other social ep-isodes told on Sir Bernard's standingas some already thought the carstoo opulent and vulgar for austerepost-war Britain. To compound SirBernard's difficulty, the Royal Familyshifted allegiance to Rolls-Royce. By


for not only the level of the display ofcars but the welcoming atmospherewithclub members taking time to talkto the public about their cars. Wealways pride ourselves on being afriendly club and it is nice to get rec-ognition of this

The JEC stand was wellplaced in the middle of the showand we were surrounded by foodvans selling from moderately healthythings to very unhealthy things, al-though once again Ruth came tothe rescue with one of her magnifi-cent cakes. We were certainly luckywith the weather as we have had afew bad weeks leading up to theshow and the forecast a few daysbefore was not good. In the end itwas very pleasant and the threaten-ing clouds passed us by.

around £1 billion and 250 were made. There were a number of Su-percars in addition to Colin’s XJ220.An unusual one was the one-off 2014Bertone Aston Martin shooting brake,a practical super car if ever therewas one.

One of the most amazing“home builds” was a FIAT – IsottaFra-schini. In 1905 the factory planned tobuild this car as a land speed recordcar using two 100hp Grand Prix en-gines but the project was aban-doned when a similar Mercedes landspeed record was outlawed as be-ing a “special” and could not takethe record. Thecar at the show wasbuilt over 8 years by the current own-er using the original FIAT blue printsand an Italian airship V6 engine of 16litres with a massive 820 lbs/ft oftorque. It features some unusual fea-tures like chain drive. It has a 45 gal-lon fuel tank which has the steeringcolumn passing through it. It has ca-ble operate brakes on the rear onlyand it has a gun-synchronising geartake-off to stop the propeller beingshot off!

The organisers gave a prizesfor the best judged stand and theJEC stand won a creditable 3rd prize


Article by Colin Masterson

to “let go” – pedal to the floor –nothing! With all of the traffic aroundthere was no way I could drive thecar without a clutch. Of course itdidn’t help that it had been rainingall morning and would continue torain heavily for the rest of the day. Whilst the others went on toset up their cars on the stand I calledup Green Flag recovery. Eventuallythe “man” arrived and set to work onthe car. Quite soon he found theculprit, a burst pipe and we triedbandaging it with some US bondingtape I keep in the car (said to with-stand 950lbs pressure) but this didn’twork. He persevered with a go atsplicing in another piece of pipe butthis did not work as it transpired thatthe real culprits were the slave andmaster cylinders which had col-lapsed seals. He called up a towtruck. After another lengthy wait thetruck arrived and we had to call

around various garages to see whocould take the car. The best garagefor dealing with old cars was gettingready to race at the track the nextday so I had to make do with a localgarage only 3 miles from the track. They got to work on it as soonas we arrived but found the fault withthe maser cylinder so I then had toring around for parts. This proved tobe a saga in itself as the usual sus-pects like Barratt, Martin Robey andDavid Manners did not come up withthe goods. Barratt no longer stockedthe master cylinders and they couldonly supply reconditioned slave cyl-inders on return of my old one, whichwould mean an immediate garagerepair would be out of the question.

Not one of thebest events I have beento, not I hasten to add, a fault ofthe organisers, but due to theChallenger breaking down andthe appalling weather. As usual anumber of us met at the old SevernRiver crossing early on the Fridaymorning and convoyed to Silver-stone Following Colin’s XJ220.

We headed for the JEC club standoverlooking Copse corner, the fastsweeping right hander which fol-lowed the old start/finish straightleading to that magical set of cor-ners which leads onto the long, fasthanger straight, the piece of trackwhere there was usually time toglance at your instruments to makesure all is well with the car. Withinsight of our destination the hydraulicson my Challenger’s clutch decided


Cromwell’s Cottage, a pub type res-taurant which serves excellent foodand drink in great company, whatmore could you ask. I always thinkthe socializing and banter is whatmakes these events so enjoyable. Around 3am I woke up withthe thought “what if the Challenger,based on a series II XJ6, didn’t useJaguar parts for the clutch hydraulicsystem ?– maybe I had ordered thewrong ones – help!” Two days earlierI had picked up a new iphone, whichI wasn’t that familiar with, but man-aged to get onto my Google Drive

parts suppliers lists. As the parts wouldnot be delivered until the followingTuesday I had to resign myself toabandoning the Challenger where itrests as I write this. Hopefully I will beable to collect it next week. Whilst the day was a bit of awrite off for me the others managedto get to see quite a bit even thoughit was so wet. We went back to outhotel, the Premier Inn at Harpole andI certainly enjoyed a shower and ginand tonic before twelve of us, includ-ing the JEC staff, went out for anexcellent evening meal at

By this time the whole day hadelapsed and the “boys” had decid-ed that they had had enough of therain and Andy kindly came over tothe garage and he surfed the Inter-net on the garage computer while Imade a number of calls to locatethe parts. Eventually I tracked downthe parts with SC Parts (01293847200). They were very helpful aswere Jaguar Spares International(01328 701521) as they called meback several times but I had alreadyordered from SC Parts. Definitelyworth adding those numbers to your

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places. One Jaguar car of interest inthe auction was a very tidy low mile-age XJS. Many of the owners/driversare quite happy to swap a yarn ortwo with you while working on theircars in the pits. I started chatting withthe owner of a little Austin Seven thatI had seen on the track earlier. I wasparticularly curious about all of thenames printed on the sides of thecar. There were a number of racingdrivers and also many ladies names.It transpires that I was talking to ahorse doctor, Chris Pearson, who wasfascinated with the stories of the sad-ly forgotten ladies of the Special Op-erations Executive who were sent tooverseas by Winston Churchill to “setEurope ablaze”. They were spies sentout to merge with the French andliaise with the Resistance. One of the

spectrum of motor sport history, from1920’s Bentleys through to 50’s sportscars, Formula 1 cars, Sports racersetcetc, live music concerts includingStatus Quo, over 10,000 classic carson display, anniversary celebrationsand parades, aerial displays, a giant40m wheel and vintage fun fair,huge shopping village, interactivedriving activities, dynamic demon-strations and a whole lot more. Knowing that this was goingto be the best of the three days forweather we made the most of it tak-ing in both the International and Na-tional paddocks, where there werearound 1,000 race participants, alook at the auction, the many tradestands and even some racing. Thegrand stands put there for the GrandPrix are all open to use so it is possibleto see the track from plenty of

where I keep a copy of the buildmanual for the Challenger. Sureenough, the master cylinder is non-Jag, a ubiquitous MGB one. This re-quired a phone call to change theorder but hopefully I now have theright parts winging their way to theSilverstone Garage. Saturday dawned with brightsunshine and after a hearty breakfastit was off to pick up my daughter,Hattie, who was coming up for theday through to Sunday morning.Again Andy came up trumps eventhough it meant not getting into theevent until after the others (thanksagain Andy!). As usual there is somuch to do and see. This is billed as“The World’s Biggest Classic MotorRacing Festival”. The packed week-end event features more than 20races covering the full glittering


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JET handed out kagools to everyoneand it was some compensation tosee Andy getting into knots trying toput it on. Finally it was a round ofcrazy golf before lunch but I am fartoo modest to say who thrashedwhom in my contest with Andy. The weather got no betterand with dark clouds all around wedecided to make tracks soon afterlunch as there was not much pointstaying on to endure the damp andcold. It meant that we were in nohurry to return and could take it easythrough the spray on the roads. Ihope that the club members whohad not been before enjoyed thetrip despite the poor weather. Whenthe sun is out it doesn’t get muchbetter than the Silverstone Classicand there is always next year to lookforward to.

was time to pack it in for the day andset off to the Hotel to change fol-lowed by another meal atCromwell’s Cottage. As expected it rained heavilyon Sunday morning making anyviewing of the racing or movingaround a soggy business. The daywas pretty much a washout butAndy was determined to go to theJET pavilion to do some Scalextricracing.The fact that all of the other compet-itors were about 8 years old didn’tput off our Andy. He was off to acracking start and gave no quarterto the youngsters coming out topwith a “YES!!!” and a leap in the air.Quite honestly it was a sickening siteto see all of the disappointed kids asAndy was presented with his rib-boned medal. With great foresight

names I recognised, VioletteSzabowho was given a posthumousGeorge Cross and was immortalisedin the film “Carve her name withpride” starring Virginia McKenna.Nearly all of them were capturedand murdered by the Gestapo,many by garrotting. Chris has writtena book with some of the proceedsgoing to the race marshals fund tobring this piece of history to the no-tice of a younger generation whoshould be grateful for the sacrificemade by these ladies. It is somehowintertwined with the story of his car“Murtyl”. Needless to say I bought acopy of the book and am lookingforward to a good read. It was beautifully sunny dayso by afternoon it was quite pleasantto sit up on the banking at Copsecorner and enjoy the races. Finally it

I MUST WIN! I WON!


THE 2015 SOUTHGLOUCESTER

SHOW

The Jaguar stand was an amalgamof the Bristol and South Wales re-gions. Before settling down to enjoythe show we helped out with organ-izing the classic parking. The XK Con-vertible raffle car was in attendanceso we were able to help in the sellingof raffle tickets in aid of the RNLI. Soon it was time to settledown to a bacon butty and coffeebefore heading off for a stroll aroundthe main exhibits and a first lookaround the classic cars.It wasn’t longbefore Graham, who had been atthe showground a lot earlier than us,

tug of war. As well as this there werenumerous trade stands offering awide variety of goods and servicesfrom garden plant and furniture tokeep fit and animal welfare. Thewere also refreshment stand includ-ing two of our favourites: the beertent and the real dairy icecreams,more of which later. By the way, asan aside, did you know that Wallsice cream used to be made frommodified starch, a by product ofthe wall paper paste industry –make you think doesn’t it! The cars show was organ-ised by our very own Graham Sear-le with over 250 cars includingpre-war and post-war classic cars,plus later sports and grand touringcars and other cars of special inter-est, including kit cars, specials, rep-licas, American cars, custom andmodified car and pre - andpost-war classic motorcycles.

At last! A sunny day. In fact itended up being almost too hot, acontrast to most of this summerwhich has been pretty miserable,weather wise.Once again a number of us met atthe old Severn Bridge Crossing andconvoyed to the Show, which wasonly 20 minutes over the bridge, inGloucestershire. With my Challengerstill in dock I had to drive my ‘non-Jaguar’ (note: for a true JEC aficio-nado there are only Jaguars andnon-Jaguars). In addition to the car show,the main events include shooting,fishing and golf competitions, a mu-sic festival showcasing local bandsand solo artists and a main arena-withvarious events during the day likea Falconry Display, Camel Racing, adance school, a fire stunt spectacu-lar and the Chipping Sodbury RFC -


would certainly go faster than youwould ever want it to.

And also a Burton “Classic”,which is based on a 2CV Chassiscomplete with flat twin 600cc aircooled engine, but with a prettyconvertible glass fibre body. Next toit was the very advanced, for its timeCitroen DS23 Pallas with air suspen-sion.

A bit different was the brightorange Studebaker CommodoreCoupe which had 1980’s Corvetterunning gear and massive rearwheels. Hooked onto the right hand

3.4 MK VIII to Mk IIs and E Types of thesixties through exotics of the 90’s likeColin’s XJ220 to moderns. Elsewhere there was a greatvariety of cars.

There wasa little WolseleyHornet convertible, a derivative ofthe mini with an extended bonnetand boot, containing a young familywith their picnic – just what the carcould have been made for.

An Austin A35 extensivelymodified to include a BMW Mini su-percharger, a five speed Sierra gear-box and multi link suspension. It

decided that the sun was over theyard arm (which I am reliably in-formed by my Naval friends is around11am in the Northern Hemisphere)and it was time to head off to thebeer tent to enjoy a pint of “Gem” tothe strains (I think that is the word) ofthe band who were manfully tryingnot to ruin the standard classics thatthey were playing on the main stage. However, I hear you cry, whatabout the cars? Well, I didn’t countour combined force of Jaguars butthere must have been at least 20 ifnot more. From Grahams smart 1958

ED: The camels the one in the background!


Massey Ferguson tractor, the earlysplit-screen VW campervan, the Borg-ward Isabella coupe, the dropheadArmstrong Siddeley, the Rolls RoyceCorniche, and the 1954 Jenson 541. Of course the story would notbe complete without saying howmuch we enjoyed the cracking dairyice creams paid for by Andy but fund-ed by Scott and Mike – now isn’t thattypical of a banker! Finally it was timeto help the JEC pack up and head forhome after an enjoyable but tiringday.

(passenger door) was an early typeof air conditioning unit. It consisted ofa drum covered with felt immersed ina cylinder which is half filled with wa-ter. The drum revolves with a smallmotor and air is forced through thedrum and the evaporating watercools the air – neat idea although Iam not sure how well it would do inthe humidity of Florida! There were lots of other inter-esting vehicles like the Coffee andCream Vauxhall Cresta with lots ofapplied “bling”, the Little grey

Members jokes & anecdotes

EU FUNDING


Some years ago a small rural town inSpain twinned with a similar town inGreece. The mayor of the Greektown visited the Spanish town. Whenhe saw the palatial mansion belong-ing to the Spanish mayor, he won-dered aloud how on earth he couldafford such a house.

The Spaniard replied, ‘Yousee that bridge over there? The EUgave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge but by building a singlelane bridge with traffic lights at eitherend, I could build this place.’

The following year the Span-iard visited the Greek town. He wassimply amazed at the Greek mayor'shouse: gold taps, marble floors, dia-mond doorknobs, it was marvellous.

When he asked how he’draised the money to build this incred-ible house, the Greek mayor said, ‘You see that bridge overthere?’The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’

know this is the cow to be bred?''That's simple; by the nail over

its stall', Carol explains very confi-dently.

Then the man asks, 'What'sthe nail for?'

She turns and starts to walkaway and with complete confi-dence, says over her shoulder, ......'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.

PENIS TAXThe Prime Minister announced todaythat the GST would definitely applyto the penis because it provides aservice.

The way the tax will applywas difficult to decide.This was due to the fact 40percent ofthe time it is hanging around unem-ployed, 30percent of the time it ishard up, 20percent of the time it ispissed off and 10percent of the timeit is in a hole.

On top of that is has two de-pendants and they are both nuts.Effective from July, 2015, a penis willbe taxed according to size –10-12” Luxury Tax,8-10” Pole Tax,5-8” Privilege Tax,4-5” Nuisance Tax.

Males exceeding 12” must fileunder capital gains.

Anyone under 4” is eligible fora refund (Please do not ask for anextension).

The Taxpayers Association is stillawaiting clarification on a number ofquestions raised on this new tax, in-cluding:

Are there penalties for anearly withdrawal?

What if one’s penis is self em-ployed?

Do multiple partners count asa corporation?

Are condoms deductible aswork clothes?

POOR OLD FELLOWA guy sits down at the bar and ordersdrink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" thebartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fightand she said she isn't talking to me fora month!" Trying to put a positive spin onthings, the bartender says, "Well,maybe that's kind of a good thing.You know, ..a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah, but today is the lastday!”

IRISH BAPTISMAn Irishman is stumbling through thewoods, totally drunk, when he comesupon a preacher baptizing people inthe river. He proceeds into the water,subsequently bumping into thepreacher. The preacher turns aroundand is almost overcome by the smellof alcohol, whereupon, he asks thedrunk "Are you ready to find Jesus?"The drunk shouts "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs himand dunks him in the water. He pullshim back and asks "Brother, haveyou found Jesus?" The drunk replies"No, I haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at theanswer, dunks him again but for alittle longer. He again pulls him out ofthe water and asks "Have you foundJesus, brother?" The drunk answers"No, I haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is athis wits end and dunks the drunkagain -- but this time holds him downfor about 30 seconds, and when hebegins kicking his arms and legsabout, he pulls him up. The preacheragain asks the drunk "For the love ofGod, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright,wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit ofwater, catches his breath, and saysto the preacher "Are you sure this iswhere he fell in?”

CITY GIRL FARMINGCarol, a blonde city girl, marries aCornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way outto check on the cows, farmer Johnsays to Carol,

'The insemination man iscoming over to impregnate one ofour cows today. I drove a nail intothe rail above the cow's stall in thebarn. You show him where the cow iswhen he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves forthe fields.

After a while, the insemina-tion man arrives and knocks on thefront door.

Carol takes him down to thebarn. They walk along the row ofcows and when she sees the nail, shetells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what heseemed to think just might be anoth-er ditzy blonde, the man asks,

'Tell me lady, how did you

CRICKET OLD CHAPNow the Ashes are under way, wethought we had better include aCricket Story....

On a train from London toManchester to watch the cricket, an


WE NEED YOUR JOKES!Please email all your jokesand funnies to:[email protected]

Australian was berating the English-man sitting across from him in thecompartment.

"You English are too stuffy.You set yourselves apart too much.You think your stiff upper lip makesyou above the rest of us. Look at me- I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greekblood, a little Irish blood and someAborigine blood. What do you say tothat?"

The Englishman replied, "Aw-fully sporting of your mother, oldchap!"

HOW TO WASH THE CAT1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the waterin the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe himwhile you carry him towards the bath-room.

3. In one smooth movement put thecat in the toilet and close the lid. Youmay need to stand on the lid.

4. At this point the cat will self agitateand make ample suds. Never mindthe noises that come from the toilet,the cat is actually enjoying this!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. Thisprovides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front doorof your home. Be sure that there are nopeople between the bathroom andthe front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet asfar as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet,streak through the bathroom, and runoutside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will besparkling clean.

Yours Sincerely,The Dog

As of this week, all new Euros are tobe printed on Greece-proof paper.

Syria has appealed for internationalassistance today, after a boatload of500 Greeks arrived seeking a betterlife.

What are the first three letters of theGreek alphabet?.... I.O.U.

I'm investing in a new currency...theGeorge Foreman Euro. Same as theother Euro, but no Greece.

Alex Tsipras has said that Greece will"bounce back". Just like its cheques.

My son wanted to know what it waslike to live in Greece, so I took hispocket money off him.

..

..

How do you tell the difference be-tween an British Police Officer, a Ca-nadian Police Officer, an AmericanPolice Officer and a Scottish policeofficer?

The answer is found below. I just knowthis question has been on your mindfor years!

QUESTION: You’re a policeman, onduty by yourself. You are walking ona deserted street late at night.Suddenly, an armed man with ahuge knife comes around the corner,locks eyes with you and screamingsomething that sounds like obsceni-ties, raises the knife and lunges atyou.

You are carrying your trun-cheon and are an expert in using it.However, you have only a split sec-ond to react before he reaches you.What do you do? ANSWERS:

British Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider theman's human rights.1) Does the man look poor and/oroppressed?2) Is he newly arrived in this countryand does not yet understand thelaw?3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonialdagger?4) Have I ever done anything to himthat would inspire him to attack?5) Am I dressed provocatively?6) Could I run away?7)Could I possibly swing my trun-cheon and knock the knife out of hishand?

ONE LINERS

As soon as you reverse and hitsomething, it squeals!

BUDGET PARKING SENSORS

POLICE OFFICERS

8) Should I try and negotiate with himto discuss his wrong-doings?9) Why am I carrying a truncheonanyway and what kind of messagedoes this send to society?10) Does he definitely want to kill meor would he be content just towound me?11) If I were to grab his knees andhold on, would he still want to staband kill me?12) If I raise my truncheon and heturns and runs away, do I get blamedif he falls over, knocks his head andkills himself?13) If I hurt him and lose the subse-quent court case, does he have theopportunity to sue me, cost me myjob, my credibility and the loss of myfamily home?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !

American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !BANG ! BANG ! BANG !'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

Glasgow Police Officer:

"Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knifieright this minute noo, unless ye wantit stuck up yer arse!"

No. 51930’s


Supp

lied

by

Col

in M

aste

rson

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If you know of any other events that may be of interest tomembers please let us know in order that we may includethem in these listings. If you spot any errors please let usknow so that they can be corrected.

AUGUST 2015Sun 30th Ponthir District Sports Club Show

SEPTEMBER 20155 - 6th Beaulieu International Autojumble

11 - 13th Goodwood Revival

Sunday 20th Margam Park Show

OCTOBER 2015Sat 3rd Castle Combe Classic Action Day

Sun 11th Malvern Classic Car Show

Sun 11th Jaguar International Spares Day At Stoneleigh Park

NOVEMBER 201513-15th Classic Motor Show NEC

DECEMBER 2015TBA Regional Christmas Dinner

2015 EVENTS CALENDAR

FOR MORE INFORMATIONAND AN ADVERTISING PACKCALL COLIN ON:EMAIL: [email protected] GO ONLINE: www.jecsouthwales.co.uk/advertising

07977 474637

ADVERTISE HEREFROM AS LITTLE AS

PER MONTH

HOW TO FIND OUR MEETINGS:DIRECTIONS TO GET TO THE BBC CLUB, LLANDAFF,CARDIFF

Leave the M4 at Junction 29 signed A48M. Travel alongthe dual carriageway for about 6 or 7 miles until youreach the traffic lights by Tesco (on left). Go straight onover the river bridge and through the next set of lights.Just after the footbridge take the next fork left along MillLane signposted Llandaff Cathedral.

At the next traffic lights turn right. Go straight through thenext traffic lights (crossing the A48 dual carriagewayagain) and travel northwards until you reach a miniroundabout. Take the first exit off the roundabout sign-posted Llantrisant. After about 100 yards there is a highgrey stone wall on the right hand side. The entrance tothe BBC car park is through this wall. Bear immediatelyleft and right. The club is the single storey, flat roofedbuilding on the left across the field. The BBC studios arebeyond the club and are about 5 storeys high.

Walk to the entrance of the club and press the buzzer onthe right of the door. The barman will then open thesecurity door. Our meeting room is straight aheadthrough the next door.

If you are interested in becoming a committeemember or helping organise any club relatedactivities, please feel free to contact the regionalrepresentative.

REGIONAL REPRESENTATIVEColin Manconiemail: [email protected]: 07977 474637

SECRETARYMike Jonesemail: [email protected]:

TREASURERColin Manconiemail: [email protected]: 07977 474637

PRESIDENT FOR LIFEHarry Kuehlingemail: [email protected]: 07931 538434

COMMITTEE MEMBERSPaul Cogdonemail: [email protected]: 01600 860969

Andy Webberemail: [email protected]: 07771 852703

Colin Mastersonemail: [email protected]

SOUTH WALES REGION COMMITTEE MONTHLY MEETINGHeld on the 3rd Wednesday of each month we meet atthe BBC social club in Llandaff, Cardiff at 7.30pm.

All club members and potential members are alwayswelcome. Our meetings are informal and friendly andwe look forward to meeting you!

BBC Social Club, Llantrisant Road, Llandaff, Cardiff, CF5 2YQ


MONTHLY MEETING DATES 2015

2015/ 2016Wednesday 16th SeptemberWednesday 21st OctoberWednesday 18th NovemberWednesday 16th DecemberWednesday 20th JanuaryWednesday 17th February

From May 2014 our monthly meeting has changed to the3rd Wednesday evening in the month. This has becomenecessary due to the venue now closing at 9pm on aMonday. By switching to a Wednesday it allows us to staylater as we have always done.

The venue remains unchanged: BBC Social Club, LlantrisantRoad, Llandaff, Cardiff, CF5 2YQ.

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Our courteous staff will make you feel at home in ourcomfortable reception area and will be happy to offer yourefreshments while your vehicle is with us and your vehiclewill receive a complimentary wash and vacuum. Full Valetservice available subject to time and availability.

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issue 251 | august 2015€¦ · there’s plenty of space and the cars will add another feature to...

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