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Issue 280 RBW Online weekly magazine

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Page 1: Issue 280 RBW Online

RBW Online

ISSUE 280 Date 5th April 2013

Issue 280

Page 2

Lead governor of Stafford Hospital Mike Fowkes is quoted on the web as saying

ldquoProposals to strip Stafford and Cannock Chase Hospitals of important fundamen-tal services by transferring all births and emergency surgery to other hospitals and downgrading AampE has come as a shock to governors especially at a time

when the standard of care has improved beyond recognitionrdquo

ldquoGovernors were bdquovery disappointed‟ the recently appointed GP Clinical Commis-

sioning Groups had not been strong in their negotiations with the expert team employed by Monitor responsible for putting forward the list of recommenda-tionsrdquo

―From the outset Monitor informed governors that the GPs would have a signifi-cant role to play in the future of Stafford and Cannock Chase Hospital and would

inform the review team of clinical services that would need to be protected for the benefit of patients It can

only be presumed from the report that our local GPs support transferring clinical services to other hospitals

ldquoGovernors were also concerned the criticism and adverse publicity still being published about the negligence

and poor care which took place at Stafford Hospital was having a detrimental effect on the morale of doctors

and nurses who had transformedlsquo safety and care in recent years

―Governors will continue to meet with the Monitor team to challenge their proposals and fight to retain ser-vices They also recognise the dedication and work that is being undertaken by local community groups to

keep clinical services locally

―Everyone has a part to play in saving our hospitals including critics of the past

―Another major concern of the governors was the suggestion Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust could in the future be merged with another trust This is at a time when the hospitals in Stoke Wolverhampton and

Walsall are already facing financial sustainability and quality of care issues

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Campaign Volunteer Centre

Guildhall Shopping Centre

Open on 26th March

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on

That make the meadows green and poured round all

Old Oceans gray and melancholy wastemdash

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man

William Cullen Bryant Thanatopsis (1817-1821) line

43

Once more upon the waters yet once more

And the waves bound beneath me as a steed

That knows his rider

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto III

(1816) Stanza 2

Roll on thou deep and dark blue Oceanmdashroll

Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain

Man marks the earth with ruinmdashhis control

Stops with the shore

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 179

Mme de StaeumllmdashCorinne Book I Chapter IV (Pub

before Byron)

The image of Eternitymdashthe throne

Of the Invisible even from out thy slime

The monsters of the deep are made each zone

Obeys thee thou goest forth dread fathomless alone

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 183

And I have loved thee Ocean and my joy

Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be

Borne like thy bubbles onward from a boy

I wantond with thy breakers

And laid my hand upon thy manemdashas I do here

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 184

The breaking waves dashed high

On a stern and rock-bound coast

And the woods against a stormy sky

Their giant branches tossd

Felicia Hemans The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers in

New England (1826)

Praise the sea but keep on land

George Herbert Jacula Prudentum (1651)

Rich and various gems inlay

The unadorned bosom of the deep

John Milton Comus (1634) 22

He laid his hand upon the Oceans mane

And played familiar with his hoary locks

Robert Pollok The Course of Time (1827) Book IV

line 689

The precious stone set in the silver sea

William Shakespeare Richard II (c 1595) Act II

scene 1 line 46

I have seen

A curious child who dwelt upon a tract

Of inland ground applying to his ear

The convolutions of a smooth-lipped shell

To which in silence hushed his very soul

Listened intensely and his countenance soon

Brightened with joy for from within were heard

Murmurings whereby the monitor expressed

Mysterious union with its native sea

William Wordsworth The Excursion (1814)

Book IV

Ocean into tempest wrought

To waft a feather or to drown a fly

Edward Young Night Thoughts (1742-1745)

Night I line 153

Oceans are major bodies of saline water

and the principal component of the

hydrosphere

Approximately 71 of the Earths surface is covered by ocean a continuous body of water that is divided into principal oceans

and smaller seas

httpenwikiquoteorgwikiOceans

Issue 280

Page 4

LIFE OBSERVATIONS The smell of bread and butter pudding straight from the oven mdash divine How one misses the ticking of a clock Easter snow what a disaster for new born lambs thousands and thou-sands lost Funny things haircuts some take time to get used to Rising above trivia with a smile isnlsquot as easy as some make it look It comes as a great burden to realise what cannot be cured must be endured for all the days of remaining life Some events never fade Some things change one forever There is no forgetting only an awareness of before

Issue 280

Page 5

Subcutaneous adj located under the skin

Vehemence adj expressed with conviction done forcefully with vigour

Idiosyncrasy noun quirk and way of behaviour or thinking that is peculiar to a per-

son or a group mdash odd or unusual

Surmise verb make a guess about something on the basis of limited data or in-

tuition

Conjecture noun guesswork judgments made on incomplete data

Hypothesis noun theory still needing investigation a tentative explanation

Recapitulate verb restate main points of argument or proposal for a second time

to summarize

Gregarious adj outgoing friendly and social plants mdash growing together in clusters

Gadabout noun a restless person aimless and always seeking pleasure

Distrait adj inattentive distracted or absentndashminded

Gadfly noun a fly that bites livestock and is

blood sucking someone who is annoying and

persistent

Horse-fly is the common name for members of the family

Tabanidae Apart from the common horse-flies broad

categories of biting bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously

known as breeze flies clegs or clags deer flies gadflies or

zimbs In Canada they also are known as Bull Dog Flies

Source Wikipedia

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

DynamicPageaspxPageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

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Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 2: Issue 280 RBW Online

Issue 280

Page 2

Lead governor of Stafford Hospital Mike Fowkes is quoted on the web as saying

ldquoProposals to strip Stafford and Cannock Chase Hospitals of important fundamen-tal services by transferring all births and emergency surgery to other hospitals and downgrading AampE has come as a shock to governors especially at a time

when the standard of care has improved beyond recognitionrdquo

ldquoGovernors were bdquovery disappointed‟ the recently appointed GP Clinical Commis-

sioning Groups had not been strong in their negotiations with the expert team employed by Monitor responsible for putting forward the list of recommenda-tionsrdquo

―From the outset Monitor informed governors that the GPs would have a signifi-cant role to play in the future of Stafford and Cannock Chase Hospital and would

inform the review team of clinical services that would need to be protected for the benefit of patients It can

only be presumed from the report that our local GPs support transferring clinical services to other hospitals

ldquoGovernors were also concerned the criticism and adverse publicity still being published about the negligence

and poor care which took place at Stafford Hospital was having a detrimental effect on the morale of doctors

and nurses who had transformedlsquo safety and care in recent years

―Governors will continue to meet with the Monitor team to challenge their proposals and fight to retain ser-vices They also recognise the dedication and work that is being undertaken by local community groups to

keep clinical services locally

―Everyone has a part to play in saving our hospitals including critics of the past

―Another major concern of the governors was the suggestion Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust could in the future be merged with another trust This is at a time when the hospitals in Stoke Wolverhampton and

Walsall are already facing financial sustainability and quality of care issues

htt

p

ww

wc

qc

org

uks

ites

defa

ult

fil

es

med

iar

epo

rts

RJD

_M

id_S

taff

ord

shir

e_N

HS

_F

oundat

ion_T

rust

_R

JD01

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taff

ord

_H

osp

ital_

20130306p

df

Mar

ch 2

013 H

osp

ital In

spec

tio

n R

epo

rt

Campaign Volunteer Centre

Guildhall Shopping Centre

Open on 26th March

Imag

es M

auri

ce B

liss

on

That make the meadows green and poured round all

Old Oceans gray and melancholy wastemdash

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man

William Cullen Bryant Thanatopsis (1817-1821) line

43

Once more upon the waters yet once more

And the waves bound beneath me as a steed

That knows his rider

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto III

(1816) Stanza 2

Roll on thou deep and dark blue Oceanmdashroll

Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain

Man marks the earth with ruinmdashhis control

Stops with the shore

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 179

Mme de StaeumllmdashCorinne Book I Chapter IV (Pub

before Byron)

The image of Eternitymdashthe throne

Of the Invisible even from out thy slime

The monsters of the deep are made each zone

Obeys thee thou goest forth dread fathomless alone

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 183

And I have loved thee Ocean and my joy

Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be

Borne like thy bubbles onward from a boy

I wantond with thy breakers

And laid my hand upon thy manemdashas I do here

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 184

The breaking waves dashed high

On a stern and rock-bound coast

And the woods against a stormy sky

Their giant branches tossd

Felicia Hemans The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers in

New England (1826)

Praise the sea but keep on land

George Herbert Jacula Prudentum (1651)

Rich and various gems inlay

The unadorned bosom of the deep

John Milton Comus (1634) 22

He laid his hand upon the Oceans mane

And played familiar with his hoary locks

Robert Pollok The Course of Time (1827) Book IV

line 689

The precious stone set in the silver sea

William Shakespeare Richard II (c 1595) Act II

scene 1 line 46

I have seen

A curious child who dwelt upon a tract

Of inland ground applying to his ear

The convolutions of a smooth-lipped shell

To which in silence hushed his very soul

Listened intensely and his countenance soon

Brightened with joy for from within were heard

Murmurings whereby the monitor expressed

Mysterious union with its native sea

William Wordsworth The Excursion (1814)

Book IV

Ocean into tempest wrought

To waft a feather or to drown a fly

Edward Young Night Thoughts (1742-1745)

Night I line 153

Oceans are major bodies of saline water

and the principal component of the

hydrosphere

Approximately 71 of the Earths surface is covered by ocean a continuous body of water that is divided into principal oceans

and smaller seas

httpenwikiquoteorgwikiOceans

Issue 280

Page 4

LIFE OBSERVATIONS The smell of bread and butter pudding straight from the oven mdash divine How one misses the ticking of a clock Easter snow what a disaster for new born lambs thousands and thou-sands lost Funny things haircuts some take time to get used to Rising above trivia with a smile isnlsquot as easy as some make it look It comes as a great burden to realise what cannot be cured must be endured for all the days of remaining life Some events never fade Some things change one forever There is no forgetting only an awareness of before

Issue 280

Page 5

Subcutaneous adj located under the skin

Vehemence adj expressed with conviction done forcefully with vigour

Idiosyncrasy noun quirk and way of behaviour or thinking that is peculiar to a per-

son or a group mdash odd or unusual

Surmise verb make a guess about something on the basis of limited data or in-

tuition

Conjecture noun guesswork judgments made on incomplete data

Hypothesis noun theory still needing investigation a tentative explanation

Recapitulate verb restate main points of argument or proposal for a second time

to summarize

Gregarious adj outgoing friendly and social plants mdash growing together in clusters

Gadabout noun a restless person aimless and always seeking pleasure

Distrait adj inattentive distracted or absentndashminded

Gadfly noun a fly that bites livestock and is

blood sucking someone who is annoying and

persistent

Horse-fly is the common name for members of the family

Tabanidae Apart from the common horse-flies broad

categories of biting bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously

known as breeze flies clegs or clags deer flies gadflies or

zimbs In Canada they also are known as Bull Dog Flies

Source Wikipedia

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

DynamicPageaspxPageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

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sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

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bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 3: Issue 280 RBW Online

Campaign Volunteer Centre

Guildhall Shopping Centre

Open on 26th March

Imag

es M

auri

ce B

liss

on

That make the meadows green and poured round all

Old Oceans gray and melancholy wastemdash

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man

William Cullen Bryant Thanatopsis (1817-1821) line

43

Once more upon the waters yet once more

And the waves bound beneath me as a steed

That knows his rider

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto III

(1816) Stanza 2

Roll on thou deep and dark blue Oceanmdashroll

Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain

Man marks the earth with ruinmdashhis control

Stops with the shore

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 179

Mme de StaeumllmdashCorinne Book I Chapter IV (Pub

before Byron)

The image of Eternitymdashthe throne

Of the Invisible even from out thy slime

The monsters of the deep are made each zone

Obeys thee thou goest forth dread fathomless alone

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 183

And I have loved thee Ocean and my joy

Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be

Borne like thy bubbles onward from a boy

I wantond with thy breakers

And laid my hand upon thy manemdashas I do here

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 184

The breaking waves dashed high

On a stern and rock-bound coast

And the woods against a stormy sky

Their giant branches tossd

Felicia Hemans The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers in

New England (1826)

Praise the sea but keep on land

George Herbert Jacula Prudentum (1651)

Rich and various gems inlay

The unadorned bosom of the deep

John Milton Comus (1634) 22

He laid his hand upon the Oceans mane

And played familiar with his hoary locks

Robert Pollok The Course of Time (1827) Book IV

line 689

The precious stone set in the silver sea

William Shakespeare Richard II (c 1595) Act II

scene 1 line 46

I have seen

A curious child who dwelt upon a tract

Of inland ground applying to his ear

The convolutions of a smooth-lipped shell

To which in silence hushed his very soul

Listened intensely and his countenance soon

Brightened with joy for from within were heard

Murmurings whereby the monitor expressed

Mysterious union with its native sea

William Wordsworth The Excursion (1814)

Book IV

Ocean into tempest wrought

To waft a feather or to drown a fly

Edward Young Night Thoughts (1742-1745)

Night I line 153

Oceans are major bodies of saline water

and the principal component of the

hydrosphere

Approximately 71 of the Earths surface is covered by ocean a continuous body of water that is divided into principal oceans

and smaller seas

httpenwikiquoteorgwikiOceans

Issue 280

Page 4

LIFE OBSERVATIONS The smell of bread and butter pudding straight from the oven mdash divine How one misses the ticking of a clock Easter snow what a disaster for new born lambs thousands and thou-sands lost Funny things haircuts some take time to get used to Rising above trivia with a smile isnlsquot as easy as some make it look It comes as a great burden to realise what cannot be cured must be endured for all the days of remaining life Some events never fade Some things change one forever There is no forgetting only an awareness of before

Issue 280

Page 5

Subcutaneous adj located under the skin

Vehemence adj expressed with conviction done forcefully with vigour

Idiosyncrasy noun quirk and way of behaviour or thinking that is peculiar to a per-

son or a group mdash odd or unusual

Surmise verb make a guess about something on the basis of limited data or in-

tuition

Conjecture noun guesswork judgments made on incomplete data

Hypothesis noun theory still needing investigation a tentative explanation

Recapitulate verb restate main points of argument or proposal for a second time

to summarize

Gregarious adj outgoing friendly and social plants mdash growing together in clusters

Gadabout noun a restless person aimless and always seeking pleasure

Distrait adj inattentive distracted or absentndashminded

Gadfly noun a fly that bites livestock and is

blood sucking someone who is annoying and

persistent

Horse-fly is the common name for members of the family

Tabanidae Apart from the common horse-flies broad

categories of biting bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously

known as breeze flies clegs or clags deer flies gadflies or

zimbs In Canada they also are known as Bull Dog Flies

Source Wikipedia

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

DynamicPageaspxPageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

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Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 4: Issue 280 RBW Online

That make the meadows green and poured round all

Old Oceans gray and melancholy wastemdash

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man

William Cullen Bryant Thanatopsis (1817-1821) line

43

Once more upon the waters yet once more

And the waves bound beneath me as a steed

That knows his rider

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto III

(1816) Stanza 2

Roll on thou deep and dark blue Oceanmdashroll

Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain

Man marks the earth with ruinmdashhis control

Stops with the shore

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 179

Mme de StaeumllmdashCorinne Book I Chapter IV (Pub

before Byron)

The image of Eternitymdashthe throne

Of the Invisible even from out thy slime

The monsters of the deep are made each zone

Obeys thee thou goest forth dread fathomless alone

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 183

And I have loved thee Ocean and my joy

Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be

Borne like thy bubbles onward from a boy

I wantond with thy breakers

And laid my hand upon thy manemdashas I do here

Lord Byron Childe Harolds Pilgrimage Canto IV

(1818) Stanza 184

The breaking waves dashed high

On a stern and rock-bound coast

And the woods against a stormy sky

Their giant branches tossd

Felicia Hemans The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers in

New England (1826)

Praise the sea but keep on land

George Herbert Jacula Prudentum (1651)

Rich and various gems inlay

The unadorned bosom of the deep

John Milton Comus (1634) 22

He laid his hand upon the Oceans mane

And played familiar with his hoary locks

Robert Pollok The Course of Time (1827) Book IV

line 689

The precious stone set in the silver sea

William Shakespeare Richard II (c 1595) Act II

scene 1 line 46

I have seen

A curious child who dwelt upon a tract

Of inland ground applying to his ear

The convolutions of a smooth-lipped shell

To which in silence hushed his very soul

Listened intensely and his countenance soon

Brightened with joy for from within were heard

Murmurings whereby the monitor expressed

Mysterious union with its native sea

William Wordsworth The Excursion (1814)

Book IV

Ocean into tempest wrought

To waft a feather or to drown a fly

Edward Young Night Thoughts (1742-1745)

Night I line 153

Oceans are major bodies of saline water

and the principal component of the

hydrosphere

Approximately 71 of the Earths surface is covered by ocean a continuous body of water that is divided into principal oceans

and smaller seas

httpenwikiquoteorgwikiOceans

Issue 280

Page 4

LIFE OBSERVATIONS The smell of bread and butter pudding straight from the oven mdash divine How one misses the ticking of a clock Easter snow what a disaster for new born lambs thousands and thou-sands lost Funny things haircuts some take time to get used to Rising above trivia with a smile isnlsquot as easy as some make it look It comes as a great burden to realise what cannot be cured must be endured for all the days of remaining life Some events never fade Some things change one forever There is no forgetting only an awareness of before

Issue 280

Page 5

Subcutaneous adj located under the skin

Vehemence adj expressed with conviction done forcefully with vigour

Idiosyncrasy noun quirk and way of behaviour or thinking that is peculiar to a per-

son or a group mdash odd or unusual

Surmise verb make a guess about something on the basis of limited data or in-

tuition

Conjecture noun guesswork judgments made on incomplete data

Hypothesis noun theory still needing investigation a tentative explanation

Recapitulate verb restate main points of argument or proposal for a second time

to summarize

Gregarious adj outgoing friendly and social plants mdash growing together in clusters

Gadabout noun a restless person aimless and always seeking pleasure

Distrait adj inattentive distracted or absentndashminded

Gadfly noun a fly that bites livestock and is

blood sucking someone who is annoying and

persistent

Horse-fly is the common name for members of the family

Tabanidae Apart from the common horse-flies broad

categories of biting bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously

known as breeze flies clegs or clags deer flies gadflies or

zimbs In Canada they also are known as Bull Dog Flies

Source Wikipedia

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

DynamicPageaspxPageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 5: Issue 280 RBW Online

LIFE OBSERVATIONS The smell of bread and butter pudding straight from the oven mdash divine How one misses the ticking of a clock Easter snow what a disaster for new born lambs thousands and thou-sands lost Funny things haircuts some take time to get used to Rising above trivia with a smile isnlsquot as easy as some make it look It comes as a great burden to realise what cannot be cured must be endured for all the days of remaining life Some events never fade Some things change one forever There is no forgetting only an awareness of before

Issue 280

Page 5

Subcutaneous adj located under the skin

Vehemence adj expressed with conviction done forcefully with vigour

Idiosyncrasy noun quirk and way of behaviour or thinking that is peculiar to a per-

son or a group mdash odd or unusual

Surmise verb make a guess about something on the basis of limited data or in-

tuition

Conjecture noun guesswork judgments made on incomplete data

Hypothesis noun theory still needing investigation a tentative explanation

Recapitulate verb restate main points of argument or proposal for a second time

to summarize

Gregarious adj outgoing friendly and social plants mdash growing together in clusters

Gadabout noun a restless person aimless and always seeking pleasure

Distrait adj inattentive distracted or absentndashminded

Gadfly noun a fly that bites livestock and is

blood sucking someone who is annoying and

persistent

Horse-fly is the common name for members of the family

Tabanidae Apart from the common horse-flies broad

categories of biting bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously

known as breeze flies clegs or clags deer flies gadflies or

zimbs In Canada they also are known as Bull Dog Flies

Source Wikipedia

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

DynamicPageaspxPageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 6: Issue 280 RBW Online

CLIVErsquos three FREE e-books

NOW PUBLISHED on RBW and issuu

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspx

PageID=52

httpissuucomrisingbrookwriters

Issue 280

Page 6

Stephrsquos two FREE poetry e-chapbooks now published on wwwissuucom

risingbrookwriters

and on RBW main site

httpwwwrisingbrookwritersorgukDynamicPageaspxPageID=52

2012 RBW FREE e-books NOW

PUBLISHED on RBW and issuucom

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Random Words tea recoil shoelace jester optician incumbent milk periscope mutiny Assignment describe a character using fruit or animals

The conversation in the next teashop booth was interesting Put a drop o that milk in me tea will yer It should be alright it aint gone off too much yet I reckons the restll be use ter mek

cheese with Then theyll flog it off at the opti-cians There was the sound of sugar being stirred and of tea being slurped

Thats better Now you mark my words Ethel theres a mutiny brewing there The in-cumbent runs the place on a shoelace itd be shoestring if you could get em He recoils from improvements and puts rubbish in the window Its a disgrace that window is

Hes not as good a jester as the last one neither I need a better periscope to see what hes up to

copy Agg | Dreamstime Stock Photos amp Stock Free Images

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

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To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

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copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 7: Issue 280 RBW Online

Issue 280

Page 7

Memories - My favourite teacher (RV) I was ten years old when I first met my favourite teacher and he I guess was not far short of seventy It was wartime and he had come out of retire-ment to resume the headship of the school that he himself had founded some forty years earlier His successor had been called up for military service I remember his first lesson in algebra (I learned later that he had won first class honours in mathematics at Cambridge) No mention of any technical terms like equation He drew on the black-board a picture of simple balancing scales There are marbles piled on each side of the scales but some of the marbles on one side are concealed in a bag He asked us ldquoAssuming that the two sides balance exactly how many marbles are there in the bagrdquo I believe he wanted us to enjoy the beauties of algebra as much he did A real teacher He loved his mathematics but he loved his Bible even more and in both his love was infectious How did he do it How was it that he got an eleven-year-old schoolboy excited about St Pauls Epistle to the Romans God who spared not his own son but freely gave him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things I tell you that even today there are certain Bible verses that I cannot hear without thinking of my favourite teacher of seventy years ago In his time hed been an athlete and a serious cricketer And now from his first floor window looking over the sports field he watched the new gen-eration struggling to learn the mysterious arts of success with bat and with ball But it wasnt just the cricketers he was watching I remember one break time a few of us were on the field in front of the house and were joined by a new boy who suffered badly from asthma and was rather thin as a result I dont know how it started but suddenly we were dancing round this poor lad

shouting Skinny legs Skinny legs Skinny legs I can still hear the scream of the pulleys as that upstairs sash was thrown open I can still hear the anger in the voice that shouted Vs stop that I can feel the shame at my favourite teacher‟s timely rebuke Most of lifes serious lessons are leaned outside the classroom aren‟t they

Wik

iped

ia image

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

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bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 8: Issue 280 RBW Online

YE SLIGHTY OBLONG TABLE OF TRENTBY

YE CAST OF CHARACTERS NB Historical accuracy is NOT encouraged

Nobles and similar Harffa Ye Kyng Not ye sharpest knyfe in ye drawer Queen Agatha (the tight fisted) Don Key O‟Tee Spanish ambassador to Court of Kyng Harffa Wants saint‟s big toe back Baron Leonard Bluddschott (Stoneybroke) Gwenever Goodenough Wyfe of ye Baron Della Bluddschott Ugly Daughter of Baron Bluddschott GalLa of Hadnt Hall A Prince but Charmless Daniel Smithers Constable of Bluddschott Castle and maybe the Corowner of the County Old Maids Vera Gloria and Bertha husband hunting sisters of Baron Bluddschott Evil Sherriff and Baron Morbidd up to no good Morgan le Fey king‟s evil sister - Merlin the king‟s magician Ye Knights [they‟re better during the day] Lancealittle Dwayne Cottavere Percivere Mailish (Narrator) Page to Baron Bluddschott (Probably Son by wife‟s sister) Religiouse Lionel Bishop of Trentby keeper of the Mappa Tuessdi Abbot Costello of Nottalot a Nasturtium Abbey desperate for pilgrim pennies Vladimir A monk from far off somewhere a Calligrapher Wyllfa the Druid Sorcerer Others Big Jock A Welsh poacher and short wide-boy Robbin‟ Hoodie another poacher and wide-boy Peeping Barry member of Hoodie‟s gang of miscreants Clarence the cook and a Wandering Troubadour None living The Ghostly Sword of Bluddschott Castle The Mappa Tuessdi Velum maps of the known world bought in a bazaar in Constantinople for a few pennies by Vladimir oft times copied The toe bone of St Gastric Gallstone of St Hilarious Crocodile and a Unicorn and a Dragon carved in stone

Good luck we rsquo l l need it

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

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fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

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copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 9: Issue 280 RBW Online

VERA BERTHA AND GLORIA CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS

Bertha and Vera sighed forlornly as they moved away from the castle windows

but Gloria looked happy for the first time since her sisterslsquo engagements What a

difference a day makes Yesterday she had abandoned all hope of finding a hus-

band but since the knightslsquo courtyard workout the tables had turned

Gloria wasnlsquot daft she knew that Wyllfa had a purpose in organising the training

as he had Three virile knights and a not-so-manly one had been put through their

paces for her benefit alone She had no idea that breaking her sisterslsquo engage-

ments was part of Wyllfalsquos master plan

Thinking that Bertha and Vera were spoken for and ignoring the scarf-waving

Dwayne Gloria quite naturally believed that as the other three had been vying for

her affection shelsquod be in the glorious position of choosing her man What a fantas-

tic situation for an unattractive unmarried spinster

For hours her sisters had been gloating about their betrothals but now poor Ber-

tha was saddled with the feeble Baron Morbid a suitable name for such a de-

pressing man and Vera was lumbered with the rotund Spanish onion-

chewing Don Key Olsquo Tee Gloria felt an unholy tinge of spiteful pleasure but she

needed to verify her suspicions with the Welsh Druid as soon and as discretely as

possible And so when her sisters went out for their morning ride Gloria feigned a

headache and crept off to see Wyllfa

With supernatural foresight Wyllfa had prepared a special potion for the three

sisters and was a little surprised that only Gloria appeared Quickly he hid two of

the waiting goblets and said in greeting Good morning My Ladylsquo

Gloria didnlsquot bother to return his greeting but got straight on with the business

in hand Ilsquom not sure which knight I should chooselsquo she said You know them

best so what is your advicelsquo

Wyllfa pretended to think about the problem and said somewhat spitefully Sir

Dwayne dances welllsquo

Out of the questionlsquo snapped Gloria Ilsquove just seen the Spanish Ambassador

trying to kiss that mummylsquos boy in the corridor but donlsquot tell my sister Shelsquos wel-

come to him Lady Vera Don Key Olsquo Tee what a stupid title Now which one of the

other three knights should I chose What name suits me best Lady Gloria

Lancealittle Lady Gloria Persevere Or Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo

Wyllfa didnlsquot think it wise to reveal that his plan was to get all three sisters mar-

ried to his knights and didnlsquot really care how they paired up as long as he thwarted

Merlinlsquos plan and got Vera and Bertha to break off their engagements to Don Key

Olsquo Tee and Baron Morbid

Gloria was waiting for the Druidlsquos reply and tapping her foot impatiently but as

he glanced out of his turret window he saw that the two sisters had cut short their

ride and handed their horses to the stable boy Soon he would hear them clunking

up the stone steps to his workplace Wyllfa replaced the two goblets he had hidden

and did what he always did in such embarrassing moments he smiled mysteri-

ously and started chanting in Welsh Gloria became worried and stopped tapping

her foot

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo sang out Wyllfa in English

lsquoNo they wonlsquotlsquo said Gloria lsquoTheylsquove gone ridinglsquo

Soon your sisters will appearlsquo repeated Wyllfa hypnotically

Gloria held her breath expecting that at any moment shimmering white appari-

tions of Vera and Bertha would come floating into the room

The Welsh Druid began counting slowly in his native language and Gloria

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

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To never pass on your details to anyone else

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To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

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bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

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To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 10: Issue 280 RBW Online

started shivering Wyllfa reached twenty and stopped Footsteps could be heard climbing to-

wards the turret and so he lined up the three goblets and sang a lyrical lullaby over them Cen-

turies later the tune would be called Suo Ganlsquo and delight millions over the airwaves but at

that point in its history the song was enough to calm Gloria for the few minutes before her sis-

ters burst into the room

I thought you were in bed with a headachelsquo shouted Bertha

I knew you were up to somethinglsquo screamed Vera

Ladies be quiet while I concentrate and discover in the goblets the perfect partner for each

of you At sunrise I picked the enchanted herbs to reveal the truth and I have mixed three spe-

cial cocktails In five minutes we will have the answerlsquo He picked up the first goblet and

stared into the bits of floating herbs How shall I distribute three of my youthful well-built

knights to these ugly old spinsterslsquo he asked but he asked it in Welsh and so the sisters re-

mained blissfully ignorant and waited expectantly

After swirling the mixture several times Wyllfa called out Come forward Lady Gloria Sir

Cottavere is the husband for youlsquo

Gloria was pleased because she had thought all along that Lady Gloria Cottaverelsquo was the

best title

Wyllfa handed her the goblet Drink this and Sir Cottavere will be yourslsquo he said

As their sister drank the enchanted cocktail Vera and Bertha were consumed with jeal-

ousy but Wyllfa came to their rescue by swirling round the contents of the second goblet They

waited expectantly until the Druid called out Lady Vera come forwardlsquo

Vera gave a loud sigh of relief to hear that her fianceacute Don Key Olsquo Tee was to be replaced by

Sir Lancealittle and quickly drained her goblet to the last drop

Wyllfa was swirling round the contents of the last gob-

let and seemed somewhat confused by what he saw in-

side Bertha was nearly in tears as she waited Surely

the Druid would say that the feeble Baron Morbid should

be replaced by the muscular Sir Percivere She wanted

to scream out hurry up you stupid Druid but dare not

Wyllfa was thinking of the many times Bertha had in-

sulted him and so he prolonged her agony by swirling the

goblet staring at the contents and looking confused

Gloria and Vera were amused by their sisterlsquos agony

but because Wyllfa didnlsquot want the solemnity of the oc-

casion destroyed and turned into some sort of farce he

decided to stop the sisters gloating and put Bertha out

of her misery Quite suddenly he gave a triumphant

shout gave thanks to the heavens and called Bertha for-

ward

It is clear at lastlsquo he said as Bertha snatched the

goblet from his hand and drained the contents even be-

fore he had announced that Baron Morbid was not the

man for her and she should marry Sir Percivere instead

Wyllfa had triumphed

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 11: Issue 280 RBW Online

Abroad Thoughts From Home

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

Oh to be out of England

Now that Aprils here For whoever wakes in England

Will find just as he feared That the east winds blowing with might and main

And the pond in the park is frozen again And frost disfigures the hedgerows brow

In England now

Faith

Hick

ey im

age

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 12: Issue 280 RBW Online

Wednesday 24 October 2012 The Border Ballads

The Border Ballads are poems and songs anonymously composed between the Middle Ages and

the 17th century which reflect the turbulent violent life on the frontier between Scotland and Eng-land during this period (The two kingdoms not being united under a single monarch till 1603)

There were several major invasions from either side but also endemic lawlessness with constant local raids and feuds The raiding-parties were known as reivers The monarchs in London and Edinburgh had no effective control over the border lands what authority there was being in the

hands of the great lords the Howards Percies and Nevilles the Douglases and the Homes Since to be isolated and alone in these lawless conditions was to be every mans prey the people banded together in extended families or clans Armstrongs Eliots Grahams Nixons and others who in turn

formed alliances or conducted feuds which might last for generations Those who could afford it built themselves little castles for protection known as Pele towers the ruins of which still dot the

borders One of the most amusing accounts of Borders life in the 15th century was written by an Ital-ian priest Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini (later to become Pope Pius II) Whilst on a diplomatic mission

to Britain he stopped at a farmhouse on the English side of the river Tweed When nightfall ap-proached the men took refuge in a nearby tower for fear of Scots reivers but left the women be-

hind They explained that the reivers did not kill women the worst that could happen to them was rape which didnt matter Aeneas was also left in the farmhouse it was explained that being a stranger he was unlikely to have his throat cut During the night two of the women asked Aeneas

if he wanted sex He turned them down reflecting that if the reivers did then cut his throat he would have died in a state of mortal sin He preferred to spend the night bedded down in the straw

with the farm animals The Border Ballads tell of the lives lived by the border people Most of them tell of actual his-torical incidents They tell of robberies and murders feuds and betrayals The atmosphere is en-

tirely pagan there is little trace of Christianity there or indeed of any moral code other than the virtue of courage and the necessity of exacting revenge As the great historian G M Trevelyan (who was himself brought up in the borders) says of the border people in an essay The Middle

Marches Like the Homeric Greeks they were cruel coarse savages slaying each other as the beasts

of the forest yet they were also poets who could express in the grand style the inexorable fate of the individual man and woman and infinite pity for all the cruel things which they none the less perpetually inflicted upon one another

It fell about the Lammas tide When the moor-men win their hay The doughty Douglas vowed him ride

Into England to drive a prey He chose the Gordons and the Grahams

The Lindsays light and gay But the Jardines would not with him ride And they rue it to this day

Now he has burned all the dales of Tyne And parts of Bamburghsire

Three tall towers on Redeswire fells He left them all on fire He marched up to Newcastle

And rade it round about Crying Whas the lord of this castle And whas the lady ot

Then up and spake proud Percy there And oh but he spake high

I am the lord of this castle My wifes a lady gay If thou art the lord of this castle

Right well it pleaseth me For ere I cross the border fells

The ane of us shall die

And then he took a long spear in his hand Shod with the metal free

For to meet the Douglas there He rade right furiously But oh how pale his lady looked

Frae off the castle wall When down before the Scottish spears She saw proud Percy fall

(But Percy wasnt killed He was Henry Percy son of the Earl of Northumberland and he survived to be

better known as Harry Hotspur of Shakespeares history plays)

For more information about the Border Reivers see The Steel Bonnets by George Macdonald Fraser

Also httpenwikipediaorgwikiBorder_Reivers

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 13: Issue 280 RBW Online

Assignment MENlsquoS HATS

Why is it so difficult for me to write about menlsquos hats Is it because men wear-

ing hats seem to belong to a previous time My father wore a hat on Sundays for

walking with us to church - a wide brimmed hat which I now think of as worn by

FBI agents or gangsters in 1950s black and white films It would have been easy

to write about menlsquos hats then because of the associations with danger and

power But now itlsquos hard Making a young boy write about menlsquos hats a worse

punishment than a hundred lines Maybe writing about menlsquos hats could be inter-

esting Stretching the creative imagination like the undersized hat to fit the over

endowed head Padding out the details like you would pad out a hat too large for

a pea sized brain

In the past menlsquos hats belonged to uniforms Little boys in school caps and

blazers Armies of civil servants in bowlers with brollies The peaks of soldiers

hats hiding any fear in their eyes Flat caps and whippets to show class alle-

giance Menlsquos hats more than protection from the rain-more about power author-

ity and belonging

Perhaps fewer hats today are just a sign of fashions changing whims Or de-

cline in the use of public transport Well you canlsquot really wear a hat in a car

(although Welsh farmers still manage to) Men feeling more confident (they no

longer feel undressed without a hat or even a tie in the office) Or a rise in indi-

viduality Being ―different more important than membership of the club There

are less of them but hats have not disappeared completely

Of course menlsquos hats have moved from the world of work to the field of leisure

I am a Sunday walker I have three woollen hats and two deerstalkers My daugh-

ter bought me my first deerstalker two Christmases ago My son bought me a sec-

ond last Christmas without knowing about the first one Do they just think they

know what I would find useful for walking hills or do they have this image of the

happy rambler dad warm enough and still in control whatever the elements may

throw at him

If you are fond of the great outdoors Deerstalkers can be found in great quantity on ebay where the above example was found

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 14: Issue 280 RBW Online

The inspector called initially I saw him as a rabbitty little man with twitching nose to match

You reported a leak he said after hed shown me his ID card and extremely carefully returned it to his wallet Cant be too careful about leaks you know They starts small and before you know it youve got a full scale disaster on your hands

Id got him pegged now One of the lifelong worriers the sort of person who just couldnt and wouldnt be content to make a Mount Snowdon out of a mole-hill That would be far far too easy hed need to start at the molecular level or at the highest degree the microscopically tiny and end up with another Mount Everest or at least an Annapurna to be happy Id got him wrongly pegged he wasnt a rabbit at all he was an Aardvark

Long smooth brown hair a little ragged at the ends he worried about barbers and sharp scissors a flexible wriggly snout an ideal tool for sniffing out slight problems and blowing them up to giant economy sized proportions skinny legs that ended in an oversized posterior hands that could dig away at innocuous in-cidentals on forms until they added whole new dimensions to the term ticking all the boxes all balanced out by a narrow head that couldnt possibly contain enough brain cells for proper function

But I was disappointed Although a little hairy around the edges and not at all pointed the ears let me down

They were ordinary round ears He must have been human after all (CMH)

Late Snow March winds sculpt late Winter‟s snow into drifts along the road and balls of snow from laden trees plummet to the ground below Slow so slow the snow retreats melting away and underneath from icy death once more released Spring flowers emerging unsuppressed exultant burst to life Elizabeth Leaper httpbythewobblydumdumtreewordpresscom

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 15: Issue 280 RBW Online

SUBMISSION REMINDER We are collecting memories of

MY FIRST JOB or MY PEACE TIME NATIONAL SERVICE If you haven‟t yet sent in your memory submission can you please do so asap

And many many thanks to those who have already done so

A sneak preview of the re-launch of The New Writer This link - httpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-sampler lthttpwwwthenewwritercomtnw-114-samplergt - takes you to 12 sample pages And here are click throughs to bull a half price introductory copy lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (mid-April) and bull a reduced price one year subscription lthttpwwwthenewwritercomsubscribegt (Sorry but both of these offers are UK only) We think welsquove made a promising start ndash sign up for one of our pre-launch offers now and youlsquoll be the first to see how we develop TNW

The New Writer newbooks and tBkmag magazines wwwnewbooksmagcom wwwthenewwritercom facebookcomnewbooksmagazine twittercomnewbooksmag

httpwwwfestivaloffirstscompoetry-

comp4573243239

WIRRAL FESTIVAL

OF FIRSTS

OPEN POETRY

COMPETITION

RBW does not endorse this or any other

competition workshop or event organised by

third parties

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 16: Issue 280 RBW Online

MAITLANDS COMPLAYNT AGANIS THE

THIEVIS OF LIDDISDAIL FROM PINKERTONS

EDITION COLLATED WITH A MS OF MAIT-

LANDS POEMS IN THE LIBRARY OF EDIN-

BURGH COLLEGE

Of Liddisdail the commoun theifis

Sa peartlie steillis now and reifis

That nane may keip

Horse nolt nor scheip

Nor yett dar sleip

For their mischeifis

Thay plainly throw the country rydis

I trow the mekil devil thame gydis

Quhair they onsett

Ay in thair gaitt

Thair is na yet

Nor dor thame bydis

Thay leif rich nocht quhair ever thay ga

Thair can na thing be hid thame fra

For gif men wald

Thair housis hald

Than waxe thay bald

To burne and slay

Thay thiefs have neirhand herreit hail

Ettricke forest and Lawderdaill

Now are they gane

In Lawthiane

And spairis nane

That thay will waill

Thay landis ar with stouth sa socht

To extreame povertye ar broucht

Thay wicked schrowis

Has laid the plowis

That nane or few is

That are left oucht

Bot commoun taking of blak mail

Thay that had flesche and breid and aill

Now are sa wrakit

Made bair and nakit

Fane to be slaikit

With watter caill

Thay theifs that steillis and tursis hame

Ilk ane of them has ane to-name

Will of the Lawis

Hab of the Schawis

To mak bair wawis

Thay thinke na schame

Thay spuilye puir men of their pakis

Thay leif them nocht on bed nor bakis

Baith hen and cok

With reil and rok

The Lairdis Jok

All with him takis

Thay leif not spindell spoone nor speit

Bed boster blanket sark nor scheit

Johne of the Parke

Ryps kist and ark

For all sic wark

He is richt meit

He is weil kend John of the Syde

A greater theif did never ryde

He never tyris

For to brek byris

Ouir muir and myris

Ouir gude ane gyde

Thair is ane callet Clements Hob

Fra ilk puir wyfe reifis the wob

And all the lave

Quhatever they haife

The devil recave

Thairfoir his gob

To sic grit stouth quha eir wald trow it

Bot gif some great man it allowit

Rycht sair I trow

Thocht it be rew

Thair is sa few

That dar avow it

Of sum great men they have sic gait

That redy are thame to debait

And will up weir

Thair stolen geir

That nane dare steir

Thame air nor late

Quhat causis theifis us ourgang

Bot want of justice us amang

Nane takis cair

Thocht all for fear

Na man will spair

Now to do wrang

Of stouth thocht now thay come gude speid

That nother of men nor God has dreid

Yet or I die

Sum sail thame sie

Hing on a trie

Quhill thay be deidmdash

Quo Sir RM of Lethington knicht

httpwwwgutenbergorgfiles1274212742-h12742-

hhtm

Source Material

MINISTRELSY OF THE SCOTTISH BORDER CONSISTING OF HISTORICAL AND ROMANTIC

BALLADS COLLECTED IN THE SOUTHERN

COUNTIES OF SCOTLAND WITH A FEW OF

MODERN DATE FOUNDED UPON LOCAL

TRADITION IN THREE VOLUMES

WALTER SCOTT

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 17: Issue 280 RBW Online

ANE INTERLUDE OF THE LAYING OF A GAIST

This burlesque poem is preserved in the Bannatyne MSS It

is in the same strain with the verses concerning the Gyre

Carline (Vol II) As the mention of Bettokis Bowr occurs in

both pieces and as the scene of both is laid in East Lothian

they are perhaps composed by the same author The humour

of these fragments seems to have been directed against the

superstitions of Rome but it is now become very obscure

Nevertheless the verses are worthy of preservation for the

sake of the ancient language and allusions

Listen lordis I sall you tell

Off ane very grit marvell

Off Lord Fergussis gaist

How meikle Sir Andro it chest

Unto Beittokis bour

The silly sawle to succour

And he hes writtin unto me

Auld storeis for to se

Gif it appinis him to meit

How he sall conjure the spreit

And I haif red mony quars

Bath the Donet and Dominus que pars

Ryme maid and als redene

Baith Inglis and Latene

And ane story haif I to reid

Passes Bonitatem in the creid

To conjure the litill gaist he mon haif

Of tods tails ten thraif

And kast the grit holy water

With pater noster pitter patter

And ye man sit in a compas

And cry Harbert tuthless

Drag thow and yes draw

And sit thair quhill cok craw

The compas mon hallowit be

With aspergis me Domine

The haly writ schawis als

Thair man be hung about your bals

Pricket in ane woll poik

Of neis powder ane grit loik

Thir thingis mon ye beir

Brynt in ane doggis eir

Ane pluck ane pindill and ane palme cors

Thre tuskis of ane awld hors

And of ane yallow wob the warp

The boddome of ane awld herp

The held of ane cuttit reill

The band of an awld quheill

The taill of ane yeild sow

And ane bait of blew wow

Ane botene and ane brechame

And ane quhorle made of lame

To luke out at the litill boir

And cry Crystis crosse you befoir

And quhen ye see the litill gaist

Cumand to you in all haist

Cry loud Cryste eleisone

And speir quhat law it levis on

And gif it sayis on Godis ley

Than to the litill gaist ye say

With braid benedicite

mdashLitill gaist I conjure the

With lierie and larie

Bayth fra God and Sanct Marie

First with ane fischis mouth

And syne with ane sowlis towth

With ten pertane tais

And nyne knokis of windil strais

With thre heidis of curle doddymdash

And bid the gaist turn in a boddy

Then efter this conjuratioun

The litill gaist will fall in soun

And thair efter down ly

Cryand mercy petously

Than with your left heil sane

And it will nevir cum agane

As meikle as a mige amaist

He had a litill we leg

And it wes cant as any cleg

It wes wynd in ane wynden schet

Baythe the handis and the feit

Suppose this gaist wes litill

Yit it stal Godis quhitell

It stal fra peteous Abrahame

Ane quhorle and ane quhim quhame

It stal fra ye carle of ye mone

Ane payr of awld yin schone

It rane to Pencatelane

And wirreit ane awld chaplane

This litill gaist did na mair ill

Bot clok lyk a corn mill

And it wald play and hop

About the heid ane stre strop

And it wald sing and it wald dance

Oure fute and Orliance

Quha conjurit the litill gaist say ye

Nane bot the litill Spenzie fle

That with hir wit and her ingyne

Gart the gaist leif agane

And sune mareit the gaist the fle

And cround him King of Kandelie

And they gat them betwene

Orpheus king and Elpha quene

To reid quha will this gentill geist

Ye hard it not at Cockilbys feist

PROJECT GUTENBERG SOURCE MATERIAL

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust

Page 18: Issue 280 RBW Online

If you are a subscribing email recipient to leave RBW Online is easy just email and say lsquounsubscribersquo and you will be immediately removed from the list If you have any suggestions for improvement to this service please let us know You dont have to take an active part to receive this workshop bulletin you can just sit back and enjoy the ride but if you could send back KUDOS feedback it is greatly appreciated RBW Privacy Promise A few simple contact details are all that are required and they will only be used for this bulletin service RBW promise to

Only send you details via the newsletter

To never pass on your details to anyone else

To always allow recipients to opt-out and unsubscribe at any time

wwwrisingbrookwritersorguk

To contact RBW please use the website contact box

PATRON Ian McMillan wwwian-mcmillancouk

Memberships and funders

Rising Brook Writers strives to be compliant with the requirements of the Data Protection Act RBW strives for accuracy and

fairness however can take no responsibility for any error misinterpretation or inaccuracy in any message sent by this mode of

publishing The opinions expressed are not necessarily in accordance with the policy of the charity E-mails and attachments

sent out by RBW are believed to be free from viruses which might affect computer systems into which they are received or

opened but it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are virus free Rising Brook Writers accepts no responsi-

bility for any loss or damage arising in any way from their receipt opening or use Environment Recycling Please consider care-

fully if you need to print out any part or all of this message

To the best of our knowledge and belief all the material included in this publication is free to use in the public domain or has

been reproduced with permission andor source acknowledgement RBW have researched rights where possible if anyonersquos

copyright is accidentally breached please inform us and we will remove the item with apologies RBW is a community organisation

whose aims are purely educational and is entirely non-profit making If using material from this collection for educational pur-

poses please be so kind as to acknowledge RBW as the source Contributors retain the copyright to their own work Fiction

names characters places and incidents are imaginary or are being used in a fictitious way Any resemblance to actual people living

or dead is entirely coincidental

This bulletin is produced by volunteers

copy Rising Brook Writers 2013 mdash RCN 1117227 A voluntary charitable trust