ARJONA, Zeus David V. Translation and Editing of TextBSED English / 4th year Dr. Neliza Casela

Translation AnalysisJade Flower Palace – Tu Fu

Original English Translation Kenneth Rexroth Translation

1 Lines 1-2

Where the streams wind and the wind is always sighing,

Hoary gray mice scurry among abandoned roof tiles.

Lines 1-3

The streams swirls. The wind moans in

The pines. Gray rats scurry over

Broken tiles.

2 Lines 3-4

No one knows the name of the prince who once owned this

house

Standing there, even now, under the hanging cliffs.

Lines 3-5

What prince, long ago,

Built this palace, standing in

Ruins beside the cliff?

3 Line 5

In dark rooms ghost-green fires are shining.

Lines 5-6

There are

Green ghost fires in the black rooms.

4 Line 6

Beside the ancient battered road a melancholy stream flows

downhill.

Lines 7-8

The shattered pavements are all

Washed away.

5 Lines 7-8

Then, from the flutes of the forest, come a thousand voices;

The colors of autumn are fresh in the wind and the rain.

Lines 8-10

Ten thousand organ

Pipes whistle and roar. The storm

Scatters the red autumn leaves.

6 Lines 9-10

Though the virgins have all gone their way to the yellow

graves,

Why is it that paintings still hang on walls?

Lines 11-13

His dancing girls are yellow dust.

Their painted cheeks have crumbled

Away.

7 Line 11

Charioteers of gold chariots – all have gone.

Lines 13-14

His gold chariots

And courtiers are gone.

8 Line 12

There remain of those ancient days only the stone horses.

Lines 14-16

Only

A stone horse is left of his

Glory.

9 Lines 13-14

Sorrow comes and sits on the spreading grass.

All while singing, I am overwhelmed with lamentation.

Lines 16-18

I sit on the grass and

Start a poem, but the pathos of

It overcomes me.

1

0

Lines 15-16

Among these lanes of lines disappearing in the distance,

Who can make himself eternal?

Lines 18-20

The future

Slips imperceptibly away.

Who can say what the years will bring?

Analysis

Original English Translation Kenneth Rexroth Translation

1 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: "mice”

- Describes the action of mice in the described

atmosphere

- Started with relative clause ("where") to emphasize the

place

- Sentence Form: 3 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: "streams", "wind", "rats"

- Describes the atmosphere of palace

- Divided into three sentences to enumerate description

of atmosphere of palace.

- “wind”(move in twisting motion) = “swirls” (move in twisting motion), “sighing” (deep exhalation) = “moans” (low

sound), ”mice” = “rats”, “among” (surrounded by) =/= “over” (above), ”broken” (crushed)=/= “abandoned” (left

behind)

- Omission of "where" (relative pronoun), "always" (adverb), "hoary" (greyish white)

- Commission of "in the pines" (prepositional phrase), "roof"

2 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: "no one"

- Answers the question "who" / who "knows the name of

the prince"

- Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Past)

- Subject: "what prince" (in question)

- Asks "what prince” / about the identity/characteristics

of the prince

- “owned” (possess) =/= “build” (construct), “under” (preposition) =/= “beside” (preposition), “house” (building) =

“palace” (large house)

- Omission of "the name", "who once", "there", "hanging"

- Commission of "what" (interrogative), "ruins"

- Substitution of “long ago” with “even now”

3 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Progressive)

- Subject: “fires”

- Started with "in dark rooms" to emphasize on the place

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Progressive)

- Subject: “fires”

- Started with "there" to denote presence of the subject

- “dark = “black”, "ghost-green" (hyphenated adjective) = "green ghost" (both used individually as adjectives)

- Omission of " are shining" (verb phrase)

- Commission of "there" (adverb)

4 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: "stream"

- Started with prepositional phrase to emphasize location

of subject

- The "stream" flows beside the "road"

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “pavements”

- Subject, linking verb, adverbial phrase

- "pavements" may directly be "washed away" by

"melancholy stream" (which was not mentioned in

Original)

- “battered” = “shattered”, “road” = “pavements”, “downhill” = ”washed”

- Omission of "beside" (adverb), "ancient", melancholy stream"

- Commission of "are all", “away”

- Substitution of “flows” with “washed”

5 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (2 Independent Clauses,

Simple Present)

- Subject: “voices”, “colors”

- Started with "then" (subordinating conjunction),

prepositional phrase (subject’s source), verb, subject in

Independent Clause 1

- Sentences are divided by semicolon

- Subject, verb, prepositional phrase in Independent

Clause 2

- Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “organ pipes”, “storm”

- Subject, verb in Sentence 1

- Subject, transitive verb, direct object in Sentence 2

- "autumn" became direct object from being subject in

Original, "storm" became subject in from being direct

object ("wind and rain") in Original

- “voices” (from flutes of the forest) =/= “organ pipes”; “flutes” (wind instrument) = “pipes” (wind instrument), “come”

(travel)=/= “whistle and roar” (make noises), “the wind and the rain” = “storm” (strong wind and rain), “colors” =

“red” (color)

- Omission of “then”, "from the flutes of the forest", "come", "colors of", "fresh"

- Commission of "ten" (increases number of "voices"), "scatters", "red", "leaves"

- Substitution of "come" with "whistle and roar", "voices" with "organ pipes"

6 - Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “paintings”

- Started with dependent clause before independent

clause (question) to emphasize action that have been

done by “virgins”

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present/Present

Perfect)

- Subject: “girls”, “cheeks”

- Use of possessive pronoun “his” with “dancing girls”

- Relationship between “paintings” and “virgins” is not

presented clearly

to denote ownership (not mentioned in Original)

- “dancing girls” is the antecedent of “their” (not

present in Original)

- “virgins” (women who have yet to experienced sex) = “girl”, “graves” =/= “dust”, “paintings” =/= “painted cheeks”,

“hang”(suspended) =/= “crumbled away” (break)

- Omission of "though", “why is it that”

- Commission of "dancing”

- Substitution of "have all gone their way to the" with "are", “graves” with “dust” (may be possible since corpse turn to

dust), “paintings” with “painted cheeks”, “still hang on walls” with “have crumbled away”

7 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Perfect)

- Subject: “charioteers”

- Started with "charioteers" as subject

- Use of dash (–) to show abrupt pause between subject

and predicate

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “chariots and courtiers” (compound)

- Started with "his" (prince) for emphasis of ownership

of subject ("gold chariots and courtiers")

- “charioteers” (people who draw chariot)=/= "gold chariots" (vehicle) and "courtiers" (companion of prince)

- Omission of “of”, “all”

- Commission of “his”

- Substitution of "charioteers" with "courtiers", “have" with "are"

8 - Sentence Form: 1 Declarative Simple Present)

- Subject: “horses”

- Started with "there" to denote presence of subject

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “horse”

- Change in number of "stone horse"

- Started with "only" to emphasize on singularity of

"horse"

- “left” = “remain”

- Omission of "there", those"

- Commission of "is"

- Substitution of "those ancient days" with "glory" ("ancient days" of "prince" may be "his glory")

9 - Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “sorrow”, “I”

- "sorrow" is subject in Sentence 1, "lamentation" is

- Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “I”

- Persona ("me") became direct object in dependent

"singing" in Sentence 2

- Sentence 2 started with adverbial phrase to emphasize

action done along with action in independent clause

clause

- "poem" is antecedent of "it" in dependent clause

- “sorrow” (abstract) =/= “I” (personal pronoun), “overwhelm” (become strongly affected by emotion) = “overcome”

(overwhelm), “lamentation” (song of grief) = “pathos” (evoking sadness)

- Omission of "comes", spreading", "all while"

- Substitution of "singing" with "start a poem",

10

- Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “who”

- Started with independent clause/prepositional phrase

to emphasize place where action can be done

- Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present), 1

Interrogative (Simple Present)

- Subject: “future”, “who”

- Subject, intransitive verb, adverb in Sentence 1;

interrogative pronoun, modal, verb, interrogative

adverb, subject, modal, intransitive verb

- “disappearing” (cease to be visible) =/= “slips imperceptibly away” (move away without notice), ”make” (change

something)=/= say (utter words), "lanes of lines" (concrete noun) =/= "future" (abstract noun)

- Omission of "among"

- Substitution of "these" with determiner "the", "lanes of lines" with "future", "disappearing" with "slips imperceptibly

away", "eternal" with "the years will bring" (being "eternal" may mean seeing or knowing, and thereby having the

ability to say "what years will bring")