Jess vs.

A children’s book-themed exploration of my adventures

learning to write advanced things in my discipline

(by Jess Mitchell)

ENGW3307 1404 words Final Portfolio April 20, 2016

2

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments 3

Preface 4

The Story Chapter 1

A Very Bad Impression

5

Chapter 2

Adventure I: All in My Head

15

Chapter 3

Adventure II: The Laboratory

21

Chapter 4

Adventure III: Cyberspace

24

Chapter 5

The Final Adventure: The Mirrored Chamber

26

Polished Writings 35

Supplementary Materials 36

3

Acknowledgments

This story is dedicated to the many people who have given me much-needed pushes and

support while I got up from my figurative hill-tumble after The-Bad-Thing-That-Happened last

semester. I have nothing but heartfelt gratitude for those who checked in before, during, and after

everything, specifically Keyne Cahoon, Mark Dietrich, Rachel Morford, and Angela Kim.

The sparkliest thank you is for Cecelia Musselman, who has been unwaveringly patient

with me for not one but two semesters. I’m really glad I got the opportunity to redeem myself

and I hope it was worth the wait.

4

Preface

Within the pages of this book is a portfolio of compiled works for a writing class, but

more importantly, a student's adventures in learning and growing into the person she is

becoming. The bulk of the story describes a reflective experience of pushing boundaries during a

strange and pivotal time. The final chapter details the ways in which the learning goals of the

course were met.

The antagonist of this tale, The Awd, can be viewed literally as a class with

assignments and deadlines but also figuratively as the daunting anxiety of representing oneself

through writing that the class forebodes. The Awd is a big bully; he taunts the protagonist about

the challenges of writing well as expressed through the learning goals of the course. He, like the

course and the pressure to produce quality writing, will follow her around until she meets these

challenges and is not phased by his threats.

Each of Jess' adventures represents her experience in one of the course assignments

and occurs in an arena that embodies the assignment's audience. For clarity, this has been done in

chronological order - project 1 is described in adventure I, project 2 in adventure II, project 3 in

adventure III, and the reflective essay in the final adventure. My accomplishments regarding the

learning goals can be found exclusively in the last adventure in Chapter 5.

The final versions of all class assignments can be found in the Polished Writings

section and other completed works can be found in the Supplementary Materials section. Both

are located at the end of the book.

5

Chapter 1 A Very Bad Impression

One morning in Boston, trouble was afoot.

A girl of no more than 23 tumbled down a rocky hill. She had the

faintest feeling she had been there before.

6

A surprise awaited her at the bottom.

7

“Who… No, what are you?!”

8

The creature grinned an evil grimace and began to speak. “I, The

Awd, am a terrible, horrible monster!”

“I have seen all your scariest nightmares… and I know exactly

what you are afraid of.”

YOU CAN’T WRITE!

9

“And I have several terrible AND horrible talents to make you

squeal in despair.”

“Eleven of them to be exact!”

10

“1. I will scare you so badly that you won’t learn a thing! Let

alone communicate it to anyone.”

“2. I will confuse you until you don’t know what you want

to say or to what audience you are saying it!”

“3. I will lead you in circles until you can no longer

articulate a stance. I’ll laugh while you fumble with all the

irrelevant fluff.”

“4. I can stop you dead in your tracks after you’ve reached

the bare minimum and I can squander your drive to revise

and improve.”

“5. I will taunt you when you are lost and have to inquire

and search for your own answers.”

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“6. I shall trick you with unreliable sources and demand

you document them in confusing punctuation

conventions.”

“7. I will make you feel so very alone that you cannot

relate to the experiences, perspectives, or ideas of a soul

in the world!”

“8. I won’t believe a thing you say unless you can show

me with multiple forms of evidence that I should give a

darn about any claims you make.”

“9. You’ll have to read and read and read and read

some more. Critically!”

“10. You’ll never succeed alone! I’ll need you and

your peers to collaborate.”

12

“11. I will force you to sit and stew over those criticisms and all your

other shortcomings. Then, finally, while you reflect over the mess

you’ve toiled over, I will creep into your brain and sit on your dorsal

striatum and wait for the waterworks.”

“And you will break just at the moment you realize you can’t do

it!”

13

Jess was noticeably flustered.

“But… I just tumbled down that hill! I’m not ready to tackle any

challenges!” she cried.

But The Awd scoffed. “Monsters like me don’t wait for

munchkins like you to be ready. If it’s not me, it will be someone else

out in the real world. The only way you can possibly beat me is to

convince me – with your words – that your skills outmatch mine.”

14

Jess boiled with frustration and distress. She seized a fistful of hair in

each hand and a howl escaped her mouth. She demanded to whoever

was listening: “Is this all a terrible dream?! Is this all just happening in

my head?”

“Not yet… but that sounds like the perfect place to start!” cooed

The terrible and horrible Awd.

15

Chapter 2 Adventure I: All in My Head

The next thing she knew, Jess found herself in a heap on the

ground in a very strange place. She picked herself up, dusted herself off,

and wondered what the day’s events would hold. “Wow… there’s a lot

of stuff in this place. Maybe I should swing by a little more often.”

Suddenly…

16

“I told you I’d get you!”

Jess began to run. She ran in circles, squares, zig-zags, and

squiggles – all the while being followed by the terrible creature, who

shouted awful things ahead at her.

“This is a man’s world!” “You girls are too distracted by

the boys in the lab to get anything

done.”

“A neuroscientist that can’t get on a roller

coaster? Ha!”

“A pipsqueak like you? Yeah right!”

“Who do you think you are?”

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“Wait a second. This is a little ridiculous.”

Out of breath, Jess slowed to a halt and peeked over her shoulder.

Behind her, The Awd, too, was stopped. His claws were deep in a clump

of fibers and he thrashed and fussed them into tangles. Jess felt her head

sizzle and her chest plummet. When our hero realized what was at stake,

Jess knew it was time to stop running.

“Your sperm is laughable

menstrual blood!”

“Husbandless wench!”

18

“Who do I think I am?! I’ll tell you who I am!” Jess bellowed.

19

“Not like that! You’ll have to keep up with me or I won’t hear

you!”

20

Jess got into the swing of things and finally caught up to The Awd.

He shouted “STOP!” as she approaches him. “I have one more

riddle for you: where does a neuroscientist get her credibility?” But just

as she squealed “APA citations!” and rooted for a phone to call her

trusty friend Mendeley, The Awd limped out of sight.

Jess felt accomplished. “I think it’s time to go do some science!”

she chirped, and off to the laboratory she went.

21

Chapter 3 Adventure II: The Laboratory

After the morning’s fiasco, Jess was pleased to have some peace and

quiet. She hummed a catchy pop song while the last of her fun, new

articles about the most exciting immune cells in the brain cooled in the

printer’s tray.

Jess, a tireless optimist, was genuinely shocked when she saw her

woesome enemy burst into view.

22

“Hey! How am I supposed to write a literature review when these

sources are all over the place?!” Jess shrieked, but the damage had been

done.

“Oh no… This is going to take forever to organize!”

23

“I’m going to need a lot of help…” Jess wailed. Figures began to

approach her from the distance.

Satisfied with what had been accomplished, Jess gathered the

papers and headed for a quiet place to rest (maybe to do some light

reading of Annual Reviews)

“Look! The Awd!!” One of her classmates shouted. Jess sprinted to

follow the beast.

This section could use some

more info

This picture’s great! Make

it bigger!

What does that mean?

This part is kinda confusing

24

Chapter 4 Adventure III: Cyberspace

In the glow of pixels, Jess spotted The Awd. “I bet you didn’t

learn a thing about microglia!” he rasps before slithering into a box.

“How could anyone get anything useful out of that big mess?!”

Jess crossed her arms and shouted boldly into the yonder: “cells

and synapses and…” But the words bounced back.

25

“There’s no room for nonsense, complicated details, or opinions

here!” Jess heard from the distance. She understood this was no time for

games; here on the World Wide Web, any trouble could have huge

consequences. She pulled out her thinking cap and searched for the

information The Awd was looking for. “If all my words need to go in

these tiny boxes, I guess I must be direct, simple, and neutral!”

“Nooooo!”

Having gained access to the boxes with her itty bitty nuggets of

knowledge, Jess began to chase The Awd. She sprinted up to him just in

time to spot him diving into another box and leapt in right behind him.

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Chapter 5 The Final Adventure: The Mirrored Chamber

Jess landed hard on her feet and her knees tremored beneath her.

She drank in the new, mirrored walls of the maze before her and listened

closely. A pitter-pattering could be heard in the distance, but Jess’

confidence did not falter.

She caught a sliver of her reflection and gulped hard as she

recognized the expression on her face. She has been challenged before –

by teachers, PIs, parents, friends, opponents – and she has seen that face;

but something was different this time. Maybe it was in the eyes, or

maybe it was the tsunami of adrenaline making each of her tiny atoms

stand at attention. Whatever it was, Jess knew that the moment to best

this beast once and for all had arrived.

27

In the glow of the reflections, Jess sprung between walls and peeked

around corners but The oh-so sly Awd continued to evade her. A rumble

crescendoed. Jess heard The Awd’s echoed calls. “You are stronger than

I thought. But none of that matters if you can’t outsmart me here and

now. If you fail, you’ll have to do it all over again!”

28

Jess’ eyebrows furrowed and she took a deep, slow breath. “I’m not

scared of you! I was never scared of you!” She clenched her fists while

flashes of leathery skin and horns materialized in the mirrors around her.

“How foolish! Did you forget about my challenges?”

Jess turned to face him and nodded. “I have contemplated your taunts,

Awd. And guess what? I did crush all your challenges!”

29

“You challenged me to adapt based on my context and audience, but

I’ve been doing that throughout this entire tale.”

“In the first adventure, I broke free from the stiff, in-chronological-

order, snooze-inducing style I had always been bound to. You forced me

to be versatile and have a sense of humor, or else I couldn’t reach you.

When I started having fun too, my points got across perfectly.”

“In the second adventure, I toiled over work until it was safe to leave

in the laboratory with all my scientific cohort. Despite the huge mess of

articles you left me with, I sorted and grouped and organized and

rearranged until I found something meaningful to say! I can’t tell you

with 100% certainty that I made something publishable, but I can assure

you that I’ve never written anything that looked so scientific! If I can do

that, it can’t be long until I’m ready for the real thing.”

“The third adventure, though the scariest of all, assured me that I met

your goal. I knew anyone in the world with an Internet connection could

be led astray if I were not careful… so I preened over my sources until I

could reduce an entire article to a single word. Anyone with a tenth

grade reading level can use this now!”

“But in all three, Awd, I learned that if you really have something to

say, you have to cut the crap! When you beat around the bush, you fail

to make your point and your audience slips away from you.”

30

“You want me to articulate a stance? Here are some right now!”

“First of all, I was indoctrinated into a long history of misinformation

about and dismissing of women. Even though it has impacted both the

tone of the field and my personal experiences, I and other women are

establishing ourselves as valuable leaders.”

“I also know that schizophrenia occurs as a result of upregulated pro-

inflammatory cytokine signaling expressed by microglia! The cytokines

induce neuroinflammation and eventually neuron and synapse death!”

“I also did plenty of revising during all this!”

“Before I tumbled down that hill, I had my whole autobiography all

figured out. It was awful! – Take a look for yourself, Awd, you’ll see!

But all the time I’ve spent in my head since then inspired me to reinvent

it. Three drafts later, and I wrote a paper that might even make your sour

self chuckle!”

“In the second adventure, the whole class came to help me. By

joining forces, I made my shrimpy review into something I’m really

proud of.”

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“I learned so much about the process of inquiring and searching.”

“In my own mind, I asked myself why until I figured out the things

that had impacted me the most and I better learned who I was.”

“After that, I hit the books! By going on a scavenger hunt for

schizophrenia, then neuroinflammation, then the immune system, and

finally microglia, I discovered a movement months before the link was

confirmed. I’ve been a pro at searching the web for what I need ever

since!”

“Reliable sources? No problem! While you were playing games in

my head and in the laboratory, I was reading! I found 20 sources during

our first adventure and another 20 during the second! By the time we

entered cyberspace, I lost count of them!! And thanks to my buddy

Mendeley, it doesn’t even bug me.”

“I’ve conversed with others about my ideas tons of times, and they

stand with me! I have engaged with them both inside and outside of

class to interactively discuss our work. I have held digital and in-person

conversations with peers in my class, and I have interacted with a

handful of established Wikipedia users in an online community.”

32

“I’ve consulted tons of different sources to support my arguments!

Lectures, books, journals, media, and encyclopedia entries are just a few

on this long list. All cited properly in APA format.”

“And of course I’ve practiced reading things critically! I read all of

those cited sources in full. I read more than 50 abstracts before selecting

the sources used in my literature review.”

“Awdy, Awdy, Awd. You’ve even helped me help my peers conquer

your challenges. I went over Hillary’s autobiography with her, and later

checked over her and Bishoy’s encyclopedia contributions. I helped

review Chandler and Rainer’s portfolios and reflective essays. I actively

participated in each whole class review!”

“And through all of that, I’ve had plenty of time to self-assess. And I’ve

learned that I can do a bunch of great stuff! Just today, I’ve spoken my

mind, empowered friends, seen the big picture, and read between the

lines. After all that, I’m pretty confident I’m capable of writing some

advanced things.”

33

The Awd’s eyes widened with fright. “B-b-but… you forgot the very

first one! There is no way you could have learned anything amidst all

this trouble.”

Jess looked serenely at the monster.

“More than anything, Awd, I learned about myself. I learned history

has shaped a world that has given me unique experiences and flung me

in the direction of scientific greatness. I learned that scientists I greatly

respect (like Aristotle and Tim Hunt) maybe wouldn’t have respected

me, and it’s more important than ever for me to present myself well. I

have learned that by communicating my proficiency and value, I (and

other women) can carve a space for ourselves in this field. I learned that

I am not alone in my experiences, and, although I didn’t express that as

well as I could have during the adventure, social values shaped

everyone’s experience and affects the knowledge we have access to.”

“And when I finally validated myself, I learned that I care a whole lot

about things more important than whiny, lumpy monsters. I learned the

space in current research that I want – and CAN – fit myself into. If all it

takes to get there is playing your word games, that’s fine.”

“The funniest lesson of all, Awd, is the one that you taught me when

you forced me to impact the global science community. When you

plucked me into that computer, I made sure to leave my mark. Don’t you

see, silly Awd? I learned that I can do it! Because I did.”

34

The Awd looked smaller than ever. Jess stepped toward him and

gently reached for a claw. “You were never really a monster. But you

looked like you were, so that’s what I made you into.”

35

“Hey, what do you say we go get some milkshakes?”

“Yeah. I know a place.”

THE END

36

Polished Writings

Project 1

Follow this link

Project 2

Follow this link

Project 3

Follow this link for the finished article

And this one for the article before I got to it

37

Supplemental Materials

Project 1 Draft 1 Fall 2015

Link

Project Reflections

Project 1

Project 2

Project 3 Peer Reviews

Hillary

Bishoy

38

Project 1 Peer Review

Reflective Essay Review

To: Hillary Dequina

From: Jessica Mitchell

CC: Cecelia Musselman

Date: 1/29/2016

Re: An Unorthodox Retrosynthetic Analysis of a Chemist’s Education

Summary: Major Points: Minor Points:

This paper, mimicking the retrospective thinking required to do a retrosynthetic analysis, explores the author’s experience of arriving at an endpoint and needing to think critically to determine the starting point. The author first expresses pride in making certain unpopular choices (like the decision to attend NEU rather than MIT and her appreciation of organic chemistry) and relates this to Friedrich Wöhler’s experience in demanding scientific validation for his discoveries. In the remainder of the paper, the author describes her experiences (and surprise at) actually utilizing the information learned in organic chemistry classes. Prominent figures in the field who have thought outside the box have enabled the author to also have the opportunity to think critically about organic chemistry. Smoothness – This paper brings in several very relatable ideas (being confidently unapologetic about making “crazy decisions,” orgo is really difficult, and it’s valuable to think outside the box), all of which are powerful enough to create a strong narrative. It’s not very clear though how these ideas are all related to one another. Inserting some transition sentences between the different paragraphs would be really helpful in clarifying this. The paper generally reads very smoothly for the first half, but begins to lose focus from the paragraph about palladium-catalyzed cross-coupling reactions through the concluding paragraph. Connecting the ideas expressed at the end of the paper to those at the beginning might also improve the reader’s understanding of the message. Relatability – The author has included many snippets of personality (ex. “though, that would not have been the first time chemistry made me want to cry at work.”) in between descriptions of experiential content. These are some of the most enjoyable elements of the paper, and there may be room for more of them! In other areas of the paper the author sometimes writes more formally, forgoing contractions for the full phrases of ‘cannot’ or ‘is not,’ which contradicts the informal bursts of personality. There is also room for the author to expand on the personal significance of the events she describes; many of the experiences only address the actual events and how practical they were instead of how they affected her thoughts and attitudes. Structure – The ideas expressed in this text usually take the form of digestible sentences containing exactly the right amount of information. This information is sometimes downplayed by sentences with excess words. Conciseness (particularly by eliminating some ‘had’s before verbs) would strengthen messages and keep the information clear. Several sections of the paper allude to concepts from chemistry that the author may consider making more approachable (via simpler explanations or less field-specific vocab) to individuals with less expertise in the field. The text also features sentences containing a confusing amount of clauses toward the second half.

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Portfolio and Reflective Essay Reviews

Reflective Essay Review

To: Rainer Humphries

From: Jessica Mitchell

CC: Cecelia Musselman

Date: 4/19/2016

Re: Writing for Learning, both Personal and Professional

Major

Points:

Minor

Points:

Appeal to reader – This essay’s narrative describes points in an order that

gives the reader a feel-good vibe (which is definitely an accomplishment!)

One of the most effective uses of this appeal is when the essay mentions a

striking moment from the project 1 whole class review. These sections can be

very powerful, so the author should be sure to filter out filler words and clean

up the syntax.

Language – Some careful choices of more sophisticated words (ex.

enlightening instead of eye opening) could improve the articulation of the

essay. Take care to watch for awkward phrases and transitions, such as “he

reflective essay I wrote for the first project about how I came to education and

math education specifically made me realize…” and “another key learning

goal that this first project pulls in.”

Structure – The selected organization strategy of describing each project one

at a time seems to be extremely effective. Be mindful of consistency; the first

project’s learning goals are described in a single paragraph, but projects 2 and

3 take up multiple. The author may consider either merging multiple

paragraphs into one or creating subsections for each project.

The essay is largely void of small errors, but this reviewer found several

things to note. The first line lacks an indent that all subsequent paragraphs

begin with. At the time of this review, the reflective essay does not contain all

the necessary course information.

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Reflective Essay Review

To: Rainer Humphries

From: Jessica Mitchell

CC: Cecelia Musselman

Date: 4/19/2016

Re: Writing for Learning, both Personal and Professional

Major

Points:

Minor

Points:

Background – The teacher-themed background is very cute, but is

unfortunately fairly grainy. If you have time, see if you can find (or make?) a

larger image. The black text on this banner is also somewhat difficult to read,

which may be improved by increasing the font size, changing the color, or

reconsidering the banner image. The organic chemistry-themed background

matches but seems out of place among the math terminology.

Reader engagement – The “About Me”-style blurb on the homepage

definitely models an educator’s website, but has room to be much more

individualized. The upcoming events section adds some humor to the page.

This portfolio does not seem to feature unused space or pages and all

necessary pieces aside from links to Wikipedia peer reviews appear to be in

place. All of the links tested were functional.