jokes for kids · how do you make a fire with two sticks? make sure one’s a match! q: a: what do...
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Family-Friendly Riddles, Puns & Knee-Slappers
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HAHA HA HA!
Ha!Ha! Ha!
Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha!
How do you make a fire with two sticks?
Make sure one’s a match!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?
Lemonade.
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Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?
Because it might crack up!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?
They take short cuts!
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Why did the belt go to jail?
It held up a pair of pants.
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What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Punch!
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Where do you put barking dogs?
In a barking lot.
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What stays in the corner but goes
around the world?
A stamp.
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What does a clock do when it's hungry?
Goes back 4 seconds!
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad.
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Who can shave six times a day, but still
have a beard?
A barber.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
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Why didn't Cinderella make the basketball team?She ran away from the ball.
Where do burgers like to dance?
At a meatball!
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What day do chickens hate most?
Fry-days!
What day do chickens hate most?
Fry-days!
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What do you get when you cross an
elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to
the dance?
He had no body to go with.
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Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
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What is gray, has four legs, a tail, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
Why don't ducks ever have spare change?
They only carry bills!
Why don't ducks ever have spare change?
They only carry bills!
What goes up, but never comes down?
Your age.
Where do horses live?
In neigh-borhoods!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
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How do you cut a wave in half?
Use a sea saw.
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What kind of music do planets sing?
Neptunes!
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Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter!
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Why did the football coach go
to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
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Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?
It was rated ARR!
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What would you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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What happens when a vampire
attacks a snowman?
Frostbite.
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What do you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go for the juggler.
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What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
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What kind of underwear do
reporters wear?
News briefs.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
Pointless.
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Why did the melon jump into
the lake?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why was the baseball game
so hot?
Because all the fans left!
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always
so damp?
The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?
Because she wanted to hit the high C’s.
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What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.
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When is the moon heaviest?
When it's full.
When is the moon heaviest?
When it's full.
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How many tickles does it take to make
a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
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What do you get when you cross a
cheetah and a burger?
Fast food.
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What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A baseball team.
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Why do bees have sticky hair?Because they have honeycombs.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
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Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they'd look funny with suitcases.
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What do you call an alligator
wearing a vest?
An investigator.
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How do you spot a modern spider? He doesn't have a web, he has a website!
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What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt!
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What animal can jump higher than a house?
Any animal — a house can't jump.
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How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste!
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Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re always stu�ed.
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Why was the broom late?
It over-swept!
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What did the frog order at the diner?
French flies and a Diet Croak.
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Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
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Why was the mother firefly unhappy?
Because her husband was a little dim!
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What nails do carpenters hate
hammering?
Fingernails.
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Why do cowboys ride horses?
Because they are too heavy to carry!
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What are the strongest creatures
in the ocean?
Mussels.
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What kind of music do mummies like?
Wrap.
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Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.
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What did one volcano say to the
other volcano?
I lava you.
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What do you call a vampire who
makes pancakes?
Count Spatula!
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What did one plate say to the other plate?Dinner's on me tonight!
Why are pianos hard to open?
The keys are inside.
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When do astronauts eat?
At launch time.
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Why do golfers carry an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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Why can't Martian kitties drink their milk?
Because it's in flying saucers!
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Why did the girl give her pony cough syrup?
It was a little horse.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
At forks in the road.
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How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
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What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
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How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How can you tell the calendar is popular?
It always has a lot
of dates!
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What did the hat say to the scarf?
“You hang around,
and I'll go on a head."
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? CASHEW!
Why did the man put his money in
the freezer?
He wanted cold, hard cash.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?
On honor rolls.
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Why was the woman fired from
the car assembly line?
She was caught taking a brake.
What did the mayo say when the refrigerator
door opened?
"Close the door! I'm dressing!"
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Which side of a chicken has more feathers?
The outside.
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How do you mend a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch!
Why was the little strawberry crying?
His parents were in a jam.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-BOO!
Why can’t a bicycle stand up?
Because it’s two-tired!
What kind of bee can’t make up its mind?
A maybe.
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What did the inventor of the door knocker win?
The no-bell prize.
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In what school do you learn how to
greet people?
Hi school.
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What do you call a gorilla with a banana
in each ear?
Anything you like; he can't hear you.
What happens when a red ship crashes into a blue ship?
The crew gets marooned.
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What's the only school where you have to
drop out to graduate?
Skydiving school.
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What do you call a king who is 12 inches tall?
A ruler.
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What do you get when you cross a karate expert with a pig?A porkchop.
What do a baker and a millionaire have in
common?
They are both rolling in the dough!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
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