IF YOU WANT SOMETHING

WITH ALL YOUR HEART

THEN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE

WILL HELP YOU GET IT.

- Anon

Many of my esteemed readers appreciated for my writings in the following tones. I thank them all.

...quite charming

...your particular style added unique dimension

...really cool

...nature of the universe and nature of here now particularly useful

...awesome

...thanks for publishing it

...fresh and interesting presentation

...happy to give it a read

...welcome and read it with interest

...a nice refresher

...with very succinct grains of wisdom throughout

...refreshing to read

..enjoying the read

...there's lot to learn and discern...

Justine.

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HUMANITY

When the evolutionary force was searching for a right kind

of body and mind - it chose Richard - and he was kind enough to

submit to it, and there happened the discovery of Actual Freedom.

And this remarkable man submitted himself totally to it, and the

FORCE literally blasted him off, blew his fuses off, as witnessed by

the accredited Psychiatrists - Richard to be a case of

Depersonalization, Derealisation, Anhedonia, and Alexithymia etc.

He patiently bore these things in his physical body and

now he has accomplished his mission as nature intended him to do.

I think we need to be grateful to this human being who has

gracefully allowed himself to be a guinea pig for Mother Nature, to

experiment herself on his body. And that is where I consider Richard

to be a special god, for me, personally.

May all Auspiciousness come to all who read this

JUSTINE'S REFLECTIONS ON ACTUAL FREEDOM.

JUSTINE .

P R E F A C E

My Contention is this:

When Richard offered me One Thousand Australian Dollars for the

printing and publishing of my book ‘Essence of Actual Freedom’, and

as I was contemplating to return the money back to him, Richard very

generously mailed me to keep that money in my account. But I was

alarmed and rushed to pay back it. And Richard promptly

acknowledged the receipt of the money.

From my younger days, I am averse to money. The life of Sri

Ramana Maharishi greatly influenced me. In his entire life, he never

touched money. Even now, I reluctantly handle cash in my daily life.

This is a hangover from my spiritual years.

1

I have very deeply researched in astrology, and have found that

somehow planets influence human life. Even after I became actually

free, I could see people’s lives are trapped in some inviolable laws of

karmic debt. I have no difficulty in combining the science of

astrology, along with AF. All the while I know that it will be a

blasphemy to the genitor of AF. It is a wonderful thing to live like

Richard without faith or belief in Astrology etc. But when I find that I

cannot practically help people much with my AF, I don’t hesitate, to

use my astrological insights to comfort others compassionately.

Richard can never do that.

I know actual intimacy. But I find it difficult

to be reserved like Richard, and not to show

compassion. I don’t know whether Richard is

naturally like that, or deliberately doing that.

I relish my hours filled with compassion and

not a dry, stoical barrenness.

2

Being free of ‘affective’ is a blessed state, indeed. It is an advance

state of actual intimacy. But I prefer a display of compassion,

gratitude, a verbal sharing of it, etc. It enriches life. I know, it can

bring in ego affiliations, psychic chaos, even corruption. But to be

afraid of them, takes away the charm of natural life. There is a joy in

giving and taking, sharing amidst all human frailties. But to live the

life of ‘Love Agape’, will certainly steep one into endless chaos and

pain.

When I put Richard in the front seat of the car, besides the driver,

twice he came back to the back seat and sat

beside me. I opted front seat for him, so that

he can enjoy sceneries in a 30 km. drive on a

river side road. I don’t know why he

preferred the back seat. Neither I asked him

nor he did tell me.

3

I have found Richard’s face change into different shapes. In the

Airport, it was triangular shaped. In the house it was squire shaped,

wide squire, then elongated squire, in the bar stern, but always it was

steeped in alien silence.

In the wine bar, when me and Richard posed for photos, almost for

5 photos, after all the flashes were over, Richard reminded me that

both of us had forgotten to smile. Yes. We forgot. So another helper

was engaged to photograph us with smiling faces. When we checked

the results, there was not much difference. When I think of it now, I

have real smile now!

4

Every moment, my body cells quiver with gratitude over existence. I

want to bless all and be blessed. Richard is far away from this. He is

literally extinct. I believe I can connect my extinction to each moment

with a sort of celebration. Richard seems to stop his celebration up to

his hand rolled cigarette non-stop. But again, I think, what else I can

do celebrate? Unfortunately, I cannot smoke more than a cigarette a

day, and a few pegs of drinks. Is Richard’s mind in ecstasy? But he is

against ecstasy. Of course, for me too, the sense of freedom is

dominant. No craving for tobacco, sex, name, fame, money, constant

pursuit for some objective, nothing. Just to be is joyful, but for me it is

a second priority to bodiless bliss. Again a hangover from my

spiritual practices.

5

One day, I asked Richard about his incessant smoking. He said it is

not addiction. The way in which he told that, simply shut my mouth. I

could not ask, ‘If it is not addiction, then what is it?’ In his ambience

his words were acceptable. I cannot feel him as an addict. Amazing.

That’s why being an Indian, my genes always long more for the

PEACE and OBLIVION of physical death – than the charms and

pleasures that Richard claims to enjoy. Indian saints were life-haters,

they say. Christian radicals say – WORLD, DEVIL, BODY – are

evils. They promise heaven after physical death. This is ludicrous

indeed. That’s where the GENIOUS OF RICHARD shines. But again,

what much heaven is available here? I am in

the Actual World. It is a magic wonderland,

indeed. But almost all the people around me

are steeped in ominous hells. For me, still

OBLIVION is great peace.

6

One afternoon, suddenly I thought, perhaps, ‘I am the Infinite’.

Richard has induced that process in me. Whether he has culminated

in it, or not, ‘I have arrived there’. Simply I saw ‘most certainly, I am

the Infinite.’ Well, if I am the Infinite, what am I doing here? I have a

work a day programme. As all human beings of this earth, I am also

doing it. And I also see myself a coward in many ways. In no way I

am a superman. But still I sense something different. Something so

wide, charming, peaceful, contented, happy, fulfilled etc. etc. But I

also see, I am mortal. And all the while, all the 24 hours are mine. I

am free from slavery to others. Still the freedom of the Infinite shown

tremendously. Soon I came out of the delusion that I am the Infinite. I

am not even a dust in the magnanimity and the grandeur of the

Infinite. But still, it is affordable for me to

enjoy the Infinitude. Life is grand.

7

I am computer illiterate. Little things I have known like opening

mails and answering them. One night, I got my DhO account locked

due to my ignorance. That night I was uncomfortable. I asked myself,

‘are you actually free?’. The answer was, ‘who bothers whether I’m

actually free or not. I cannot even open a mail account properly’. It

was an uneasy experience.

It reminded me of many such things, where

people are trapped and how hells happen in their lives. And the

champions of that area, how they suck the innocent ones. It looked

cruel. But still, I know I am free, and my freedom is intact. When I fix,

suitable solution to such minor crisis, heaven remains intact.

Otherwise, in no time heaven can turn into a morbid hell. And all the

while, somehow, my sense of freedom remains

intact.

8

Whenever I happen to see the photographs of dead people, my heart

beat slows down rapidly. In that place glows, the Pristine Actuality.

Unless I totally avoid some people, their ego drives and instinctual

passions are highly irksome to me.

Some have asked me whether I feel proud to be the first in the

history of AF, to become actually free without contacting or meeting

Richard. No, I have no pride. I can’t entertain any such delusions, as

if I am a sort of Sachin Tendulkar, or Neil Armstrong. Those days are

over.

Richard wears no undergarments for the

past so many years. Me too.

9

People of the age group of twenties always ask me, what is the

secret of my income is and they think ‘actual freedom’ means living

life without working, earn living without contribution of your share of

labour. That makes me displeased with them.

In my spiritual years, almost all the people who moved with me

invariably thought that I will somehow magically make them richer

and richer in their life, I mean money-wise. I despised it.

Suppose, I was never born. What would

have been here? JUST OBLIVION. Can’t I

see that even in this moment? Or the beauty

of the Eternal Universe, since I am now

fitted with senses?

10

In walking, endorphins are abundantly produced in the blood

stream. That’s why long distance walking becomes pleasurable.

Some people think, I still suffer ‘affective’. Knowingly and

deliberately allowing some ‘affective’ is no more affective.

Vineeto told my daughter when she met her in person, not to think

much of ‘daddy mummy’. My daughter said to me that though she

knows the actual freeness of life, for her, regard for parents does not

disqualify that freedom. I can say Vineeto is more right.

Most of my friends went away, when I

became actually free. Why? It is possible, I

fell short of the ‘inviting tone’ in me.

11

One young man in twenties as usual of his age wants to become

quickly rich by doing anything. He has read about Richard too. He

feels that Richard says ‘Karma and rebirth are childish insanity’,

then he can do anything to make wealth. I had to warn him that ‘don’t

take Richard literally. Richard speaks from his ultimate position. For

you karma is true. For instance if you steal, tomorrow Police will put

you in prison. First learn to respect the society and it laws.’

I am surprised how Richard bore the energy of the ACTUAL when

it descended on him. As it is, even this moment, he remains cool and

self-composed. A marvel indeed. For me, it created brain neuronal

upheaval of a boiling kind. Richard

confesses he too had involuntary excitation

of neurons for 30 plus months. But what I

speak is the psychological quiet he manifests

in his every day life. That is tremendous.

12

Looking at my short hair-style my daughter too followed suit to it.

I asked with Richard, whether he is involved in doing charities. He

sounded a raised voice, ‘I am not a rich man’. That episode ended with

that forever.

One day, I put in my ticket pocket Rs. 1000/-. When I came home it

was not there. My heart missed a beat. World became dark for a while,

because my further 7 days depend on it. I cursed myself why I’m

careless like that. All along I was watching

myself as a spectator. One portion of me was

stone like, unmoved. It said that there was

nothing to worry. When I opened my purse,

that money was there intact. Obviously, and

unawarely I have changed place.

13

One can do bewildering feats by mastering the laws of the psychic

world. My spiritual Guru did many of its kind. But they have nothing

to do with Actual Freedom.

I perceived Richard to be swimming in a different sort of world

altogether and in a rich and facile vibrancy.

If anyone, who reads these writings of mine happen to see me in a

market place, will never believe me to be more than a street beggar,

though I don’t beg.

Richard showed me the photo of Vineeto,

in his laptop and said that in the AF DVD

she looks glamorous, but here she looks

ordinary. I said, Yes, Richard.

14

His behaviour was like that of a school kid. He will show various

photos in his laptop, just for a while, and change it fast. He won’t

give you time to have a deep look into them. He showed the photos of

his second wife, his boat, some old associate and so on. With that

speed, I thought he need not have shown them to me.

Many times, I observed a sort of glow in Richard’s body.

Especially, his neck area had a bright florescence even in day time.

During night time, on the open terrace of our house, I sensed his

whole body emits some light. On one occasion, Richard himself told

me without my asking about it that some

people have told him that his body has a

glow of light. I was not surprised to hear

that.

15

Every moment, when an event happens, it is concretely real. When

that moment is over, that event too passes. Observed from the next

moment, the previous moment’s event, does not even have a reality of

a dream stuff. This I am spontaneously observing, for more than five

years without any strain or intellectual analysis.

Our brain neurons instantly get fired, inflamed, but take long time

to cool down. If someone calls you ‘idiot’, instantly you get angry.

Sometimes, it takes hours, or even days, for those agitated neurons to

calm down. Even in sleep, its glow may be felt.

One day Richard said, ‘Tobacco is a

wonderful leaf’. He spoke for a long time

about its speciality. I was transfixed at his

talk.

16

Once I was introduced in my younger days, to a super actor of the

cine world of Tamil Nadu of that time, Mr. Shivaji Ganesan, by one of

my Catholic Priest friend. I found that actor more humane and very

matured in understanding humanity and its intricate problems. On the

very first meeting itself, I prostrated at the feet of that star. I was

almost a son to him by age. In India, it is a normal custom to

prostrate to elders. But the Priest who took me to him, felt chagrin

about it. He said that falling at other’s feet is not a fair thing to do.

With my spiritual Guru, I have had prostrated at his feet for a

number of times. That healed me. That transformed my life. It has

even made me the world’s first in becoming

actually free without meeting Richard. And

it took to a more venerated marvel called

Richard.

17

My most admired author in English is Sri Aurobindo. He was a

Bengali Indian. His epic poem ‘Savitri’, enhanced my kundalini

arousal towards 100% success. Along with Savitri, I read Sri

Aurobindo’s Life Divine, each more than hundred times. Even this

day they are feast for my mind and heart. But myself being actually

free, it doesn’t allow me to read them, more than two or three pages.

They are incompatible for my present state. I really miss my treasures

there.

The genitors of AF, neither encouraged nor discouraged, when I

proposed my intention to write e-books on

AF. That perplexed me. But I found in due

course of a month or two, their position is

the best. I took risk and now dare to do my

sharing of my experiences of AF, to my dear

friends.

18

Another Richard will never happen on this earth. HE HAS SAID

EVERYTHING. All other following will inevitably be only

IMITATION of him.

I had to alert someone on an important thing. There was no phone

facility. It was hot summer 12-30 Noon. Scorching sun above. I had

no patience to wait for the routine of getting a bus service. Nor do I

have facility to fix a taxi or even an auto. I walked 5 kilometres.

(already I was done with my regular 10 kilometre walk with a bruised

bare foot and pain.) But the work was done with success.

One day Richard told me, it is likely that

AF is to be taken up in the educational

curriculum of U.S.A. through some

enthusiasts.

19

During my Kundalini sadhana, I wrote more than 20,000 pages of

poetry in my mother tongue Tamil as well as in English. My father

was not a rich man. He was a Railway laborer. He put me in a Tamil

Medium school. I did everything in my native Tamil. When I wrote my

first book ‘Cosmic Symphony’, a sort of blank verse in English Poetry

at a very young age, it was welcome by great English scholars. Even

now I don’t know how I got that command over that foreign language.

I still remember the day when my beloved father taught me

ABCD myself being a tiny tot. I always adored my father in my

younger days, in my youth, and up till the day he breathed his last.

Even now, very memory of him brings tears to my eyes. Richard

seems opposite to me.

Whenever I come out for my marathon

walk, I return home like a beaten up pulp,

especially in the bus journeys.

20

When Richard visited Tanjore, an ancient city in Tamilnadu, my

bro-in-law was a Priest of that province. He arranged for a king’s

welcome for Richard with golden shawls and all that. I was surprised

seeing Richard politely submitting himself to that extravaganza.

If you decide to do ‘walking-contemplation’, please follow the same

routine meticulously. Walk the same streets in the same order. Every

day a new route won’t bring result. Even small changes may bring

drastic results for beginners, perhaps for the advanced ones too. For

months or years, please follow the same route and style.

Richard also said that a documentary is

likely to be made on him by a kind and

caring lady, an English Professor, in India.

21

I was shocked to learn that Richard’s PC hard disc was hacked.

What harm that guileless human being did to humanity? The Jesus,

Buddha story still follows? And Richard never claimed himself to be a

Buddha. What is wrong with our Humanity?

I felt Richard cannot tolerate other people writings on AF. I thought

that he wants to be the only authority on his insights. But I later

realized that he is keen on his insights not getting distorted, himself

being the progenitor of that sublime thing. It is a welcome thing

indeed.

Richard never wears a watch, or cares to

have a clock in his room.

22

I am not content or satisfied with only my becoming actually free. It

is inadequate. Everyone on this earth should become actually free.

Then only I can really rejoice. Richard’s position is different. He is

contented unto himself. I can understand his position. But I cannot

compete with him for that stern position for the time being at least.

At one stage, I suspected Richard secretly wants to get recognized

as the ‘Supreme Deliverer’ of this suffering Humanity. Soon I got

convinced that he will be the last person to long for that kind of

perversity.

When I was busy publishing 2 of my e-books,

it had its toll on my body and mind. There was

extra strain and exhaustion. But I am happy to

have given to my friends some worthy stuff, I

suppose.

23

This morning as I was collecting my money and came out of the

Bank, just in front of me, a Car dropped out two persons, a husband

and wife. Both started walking, where I found that gentleman had

carelessly slipped out of his pocket something, and was going ahead. I

thought it may be his money purse. I was 30 feet away from them. I

tried my best to signal them. But both were going on walking. Finally

I succeeded to get the attention of that lady. By a sign language I

transmitted the message. That lady walked back and recovered that

lost thing. She gestured to me a sign of thanks. Till this moment I

don’t know what she retrieved back, whether it was a wallet or a

hanky. But her smile was huge. I assume it was not a hanky.

In those days, I used little snuff in the early

morning hours, when I walk on the terrace of

our house. When I told Richard about it, he

inquisitively asked me whether stuff was really

of tobacco. I got stunned. I had to say to him

that there was no guarantee for it.

24

Richard said he gets his specific brand of tobacco from a particular

shop in his place. Other brands are not suitable for him. Only two

shops offer it. While he was in India, he said Vineeto takes care to

send his favorite brand from there.

Sometimes, I am gripped by the sorrow about this world and its

people. It is like tons of weight is placed on my chest. Usually I come

out of it quickly. But during mid night hours, if my sleep is broken, for

few minutes this weight tells a heavy toll on my system.

For me Actual Freedom is constant. But

the experiencing of it has its own ebbs and

flows, in the round about 24 hours of a day.

I don’t know about other Actualists about it.

25

Two days back, a sort of war broke out between me and my wife.

There was a third party involvement in it. My wife turned into a

tigress, a virtual animal for three hours. She threatened me that she

will kill me by food poisoning or out right by stampeding me on my

chest. She gave some punches on my body. In my 34 years of married

life, I have never beaten my wife, even once, or given a single slap on

her cheek. She has hit me fairly many times. It was not cowardice that

I didn’t hit back my wife. But I never wanted that kind of things to be

perpetuated. I knew her misery more than mine. After becoming

actually free, I could not even get angry with her foolish attempts to

desecrate me. As usual my chanting ‘Actual has no vibes’ went on.

My passivity made her perplexed. The war ended abruptly, myself

walking out for my marathon walk in solid

peace, happiness and harmlessness.

26

I have a final secret for fast progress to become actually free. I am

looking for a right person to transfer it. I can’t divulge it publicly

because it needs a certain central sincerity and abidance. Just making

it public will defuse its workability, and may bring disaster to

innocent ones. It is such a simple thing, that’s why I hesitate. But I

will share it with at least one before I go.

I softly touched my finger nails and leg nails and saw the active

ACTUAL in them. But also got shocked to know, when I have my

physical death, they won’t grow more. Again, the PEACE OF

ACTUALITY rubbed out my shock with equal pleasant PEACE.

27

When our Bangalore friend, P.D. took

leave of us, I forgot to open the out-gate for

him. Richard reminded me of that. At that

moment, his look suggested to me how

careless and uncaring I am.

My mother suffers a malady called ‘benevolent neurosis’. For

instance, once she gave away 15 sovereign gold to a begging man.

That man got shocked and returned the gold to us. When Richard was

typing in my desk top, in my computer room, it seems my mother has

cautioned Richard not to sit on my chair, or touch my PC (a motherly

possessiveness of her son, though she may squander gold to a

stranger). I was asleep in my room. Richard had quickly displaced

himself from my PC room and was standing in the drawing Hall. My

psychic alarm broke my sleep and I instinctively came to the drawing

Hall. I found him in an odd position. He told me my mother has asked

him not to touch my PC. I briefed Richard about my mother, and

brought him back to my PC desk, and requested him to continue his

work and I went back to sleep.

28

When my bro-in-law, a Priest invited Richard to Tanjore, and

received Richard with traditional respects in his parish house, in

those events, Richard showed no signs of reciprocity or affectivity. He

was like a vegetable. But that taught me more about being actually

free.

When I proposed to write on Actual Freedom as e-book, there was

neutral silence from the AF genitors. It was very uncomfortable for

me. Though long back they have given even written permission for me

to write on AF, I was naïve to do it without their whole-hearted

cooperation. In between, I got a friendly

reply mail from Richard that spoke on a

different matter on my quest, that

encouraged to proceed with my e-book

project.

29

On 19-2-2007, Tue, 12-15 PM, a bitter quarrel ended with my wife.

She had humiliated me as usual totally. I wanted to die. I had spoken

to my daughter overseas, and wept to her over my agony. She

comforted me, and said that all will be well with me soon. In total

exhaustion, I entered my computer room and the first random page

that opened in it was www.actualfreedom.com.au. I have accidentally

stumbled upon that web site. By 12-30 PM, within 15 minutes, I

realized that I have found my life’s search for more than 30 years.

The rest is history.

One of my observations is this. Richard is

the most suffered person and the most

comfortable person at this moment on this

earth. I am not prepared to come into

argument with this with anyone.

30

My feeling is Richard nowadays accepts some of the spiritual

concepts like ‘Guru’s energy’, etc. In one recent mail to me he

indicates that he might have come to this earth, because of many

people’s aspiration.

I also observed that Richard is

overwhelmed by his own energy, that he is

very optimistic with his message to give

Peace, Happiness and Harmony to this

suffering world.

31

Altruistic self-immolation is not a joke. Richard as a path-finder,

did it without any outside help. There I venerate him personally as a

god. What he has done is not an ordinary feat. Humanity deserves to

understand and give him the due recognition, if not a Nobel Prize.

Actual freedom is actually free. It is just available under anyone’s

nose absolutely free. But what many people don’t know is, one has to

pay psychologically a very very heavy price to achieve that. People

sneak away when it comes to that. These are the people mostly talking

against Richard.

Though being actually free is an

overwhelming thing – for me, the sorrow of

the world is still more overwhelming than

that. May be I have yet to mature.

32

That day, sleep refused to come to me. My wife threatened that she

will kill me by food poisoning, because I have not cared to make much

money in life and wasted my life into wasteful spiritual pursuits. As it

is I am happy with myself. But these beings called wife, friends,

relatives are like thorn in flesh. Thank god, they have no power to

topple from my actually free state.

Summer is in its peak now. Few days back, it was an unusually hot

day. I was standing in a Bus stand. Near my feet, I saw an earth-

worm, almost six inches long, struggling to make its path, in the hot

sun. It was an unusually long body to pull

itself. I started thinking – is this long

threaded body invited by itself or imposed by

nature on it. Even after long contemplation,

I didn’t get an answer.

33

Without working hard physically and mentally, one cannot expect to

have a deep sleep. One should deserve for that. If one wants to

become actually free, one needs to be tired of the fiasco of the so

called rotten social life.

In my spiritual years, I was very health-conscious. After becoming

actually free, those obsessions are over. Of course I live within the

tolerance limits of nature of my body and mind. This body and mind

has 50,000 years of conditioning. Within this parameter I have

created myself a balance where when and how to do things and it fits

well for my actually free life. When we are

always focused on the boundless perfection

that stems endlessly, these things become

spontaneous and easy.

34

My daughter was born in 1979, by 2-20 pm. When the nurse

carried that new born baby, ‘topsy-turvy’, to show it to me from a

distance, I started weeping. There was a rain storm too. My weeping

went on for 2 long hours. My anguish was, what for this child is born

and what all hardships it goes to meet. She is now 32. Still my eyes

go wet sometimes on her memory.

How many and many humiliations I have suffered in my life. I bore

all of them patiently. Now I don’t regret them, because, I am now

rewarded million times for my altruistic self-immolation.

In those 9 days when Richard was with

me, he not even once strutted and self-

glorified of himself. He is verily PURITY

personified.

35

No person influenced my life next to Richard than my daughter. She

seems to be an extraordinary person in every way. I feel that she is

born enlightened. Richard too has declared her to be actually free on

her very first meeting with him. I feel many past life memories with

her, though Actualism discourages past life.

Whenever I keep a particular photo on my desk top of Richard I get

into involuntary weeping. Last week I cried for more than 20 minutes,

in my closed room. That clears away lot of blocks in me.

I am neither happy nor unhappy, but

blithesome, though in a 24 hour time, traces

of happiness and unhappiness do surface

every now and then.

36

In my office life in my thirties, when I had successfully completed

my kundalini arousal, I casually, but in a concentrated way looked at

a co-worker – who was always creating me troubles. He shouted

‘don’t look at me like this, I will crush you like a mosquito’. His

warning displeased me a great deal. But I was shocked to see, within

three days, his both legs lost their function and he had to undergo

more than 6 months hospital treatment. Whenever I visited him in the

treatment phase, he evinced more cruelty to me. Soon I had left the

office on resignation and till date I don’t know what happened to that

man.

What all things I avoided in my spiritual

years I had to liberally allow after I became

actually free. For instance eating non-

vegetarian food and using drinks.

37

Sometimes I get a rush of more than hundreds of points of insights

to record – but before I could catch one and write it in my note pad,

they all disappear into oblivion in a fraction of a second. What am I

to do? I am thinking of keeping a pocket tape recorder in my person. I

have no idea whether it can help.

My biological father showed such affection for me from my younger

days, as well as in my earning years. For more than ten days, in my

35th year, when he died, I could neither eat nor sleep. That was the

year I got spiritually enlightened, while he was alive. I could see

enlightened state cannot bear the separation of our dear ones in

death.

38

My spiritual guru, though he was a compassionate man, every one

knew that he was an angry man too. Many were afraid of his wrath.

Yesterday I saw a video on the cruel life of Joseph Stalin, the

Russian Dictator. For more than an hour, I suffered a strange nausea.

All my confidence of PERFECTION and the benevolence of the

Universe was shattered into pieces. But strangely, as I left my PC and

walked few feet in my house terrace, I instantly recovered my poise of

Actual Freedom. Still it took 12 hours for that chagrin to dissolve.

When Richard was here, when I suggested

Richard whether we can watch TV, he said,

as it is we were happy, and was there any

need to watch TV.

39

Spiritual tradition has spread out lots of lies. Millions of people

have believed them to be true and had gone astray. But I feel there is

some truth in them, though it is all disfigured and colored by many

greedy spiritual people.

Many think, that my 10 km. a day outdoor walking might be a dull

and drab thing. I want to say, it is not so. Each curve of a stone, dogs,

birds, trees, people, everything gives me profound delight. The sky,

the vehicles passing everything is charming. These things are endless

delight and enjoyment.

Richard said, he had driven Motor Bikes

for 16 long years. Then he gave it up when

he became actually free. Same thing

happened for me too.

40

Though I am actually free, my central longing is for ‘bodiless

peace’. This element periodically predominates in me, in spite of my

knowing that physical death is very insignificant thing. I have much to

learn from Richard on this.

In every movement of Richard’s body, I saw the SOLID PEACE of

death. He is 100% dead, psychically and mentally, while being in the

physical body, but amazingly and extraordinarily ALIVE too.

Now I can say, being actually free, if

physical death happens to me even today,

there won’t be much difference being alive

or dead. Life and death are same.

41

In 1975, just after 3 days of my physical meeting with my spiritual

guru, Sri La Sri Pandri Malai Swamikal, he astrally visited me in my

house. Physically he was in Chennai. I was in Tiruchy. There was a

distance of 320 kilometers. Around 3-00 am, my guru entered my

place, where I was deep asleep. He poured Holy Ash, Vibhutee as

they call it, on my tongue and with a ‘Vel‛ a sharp instrument, wrote

on my tongue ‘OM’, the sacred syllable of Hinduism. From the next

day onwards I started writing mystical poetry into thousands of pages

in Tamil and English. This is called ‘Manasa Dheeksha’, an initiation

given by a guru to his disciple through mind.

But one thing I can’t understand. Even after

becoming actually free, why tears well up in

me, whenever I think of Richard, as well as my

beloved daughter, where I see these two have

undergone an extraordinary and enormous

suffering to reach a rare height of illumination.

42

In those days, at a time when I got aquainted with my spiritual guru

Sri La Sri Pandrimalai swamikal, just for few months, when mobile

phones were not invented, I wrote a letter to him requesting

permission to have a dharshan of him (personal physical meeting) at

Chennai. In those days, letters took more than 3 days even to travel

300 kilometers. But on the third day night, my guru appeared in my

dream and said that he is going to Tirupathi (a Holy Shrine, about

150 kilometers from Chennai) and so he may not be able to meet me.

He poured in Holy ashes into my mouth and disappeared. Based on

this astral message, I cancelled my trip to Chennai. After 3 days, I

also received a reply mail from my Guru. In that letter I saw there

words written in green ink, ‘I am going to Tirupathi. We will meet

some other day’. Then this kind of things

were repeated tens and hundreds of times,

and such things became very normal to me.

And slowly they lost the mystique of it. With

Richard, I grew intelligent ignoring these

meaningless psychic wonders.

43

When Richard was received by me in the Trichy Airport, my first

conversation to him was started like this. ‚Richard, I have read

almost all your writings.’. He asked, ‘everything?’ I said, ‘yes’. He

quipped in a murmur ‘wow my god’.

Spiritual path esteems kundalini hitting the sahasrara, the final

chakra. In my yoga practicing days, when I successfully did that , I

was not satisfied with it. Biologically you experience oblivion in that

state. Only Richard explains the true nature of oblivion. Combined

with my yogic experience and Richard’s explanation of oblivion I

found fulfilment in my quest for freedom.

Before coming to Richard I suffered an

impasse.

44

From my age of 20 to 27,every day I underwent Auto Urine therapy.

It is a yogic practice called ‘Amuri Kalpa’. No day was missed, for 7

long years. Every day, by early morning, leaving the first and last, but

getting the middle flow of one’s own urine, to a copper tumbler full, it

has to be orally consumed. By my 28th year I got married. I thought

my wife may think of it a repelling practice, I stopped it. But those 7

year practice till tells upon my health for good. It gave me a youthful

slim body. Ageing was arrested. My process of enlightenment was

enhanced. It is called ‘kaya kalpa’. Even at this of 62, I look like a

man of 30. It has a powerful chemical effect on the physical and

subtle bodies. I have lived a disease-free life till this date.

I always admire what kind of suffering

Richard might have undergone to discover

and bring out the deep insights of AF and

present it to the world. For me personally it

is an amazing thing.

45

Recently, I became aware that people in the market place have

started noticing me as somewhat peculiar or strange. They perceive

some sort of benevolence and harmlessness around me. They tend to

give extra respect and kindness that is embarrassing to me. More I try

to hide, it seems it becomes more prominent.

One day I meticulously followed the pathway of a single ant. It went

on searching for something. Within 60 seconds it crossed more than 3

meters distance. Then it disappeared somewhere. I thought we

humans too are like this. We don’t know, from where we came, or

where we do go. But each one of us are busy

searching for something each and every

minute of our life.

46

Earlier, even for a such a simple thing as wiping my face with a

hanky, I will be in a rush to do it. After becoming actually free,

though I can see, the whole eternity awaits me, I am surprised to see

the speed has only doubled.

My favorite bed side book is a mammoth ‘Serial Killers’. Why no

Bible or Bhagavat Gita, Richard’s Journal or my own heart-throb

‘Actual Freedom Made Easy’? For me ‘Serial Killers’, reveals the

speed with which a life is zapped out, and it amazes me. Reveals more

totally about the infirmities of life, and there it instantly transports me

to the Pristine Actuality. Strange indeed!

47

This is our House where Richard stayed with me:

Richard being honoured with traditional welcome

Justine, Richard and Bella

JUSTINE’S