Dr. Allison R. Thorson, Department of Communication StudiesUniversity of San Francisco – March 5, 2011

Kids’ Turn Asilomar Retreat, Pacific Grove CA

General information on divorce and infidelity

The Research◦ Discovery of Infidelity

Inappropriate Parental Divorce Disclosures

◦ Privacy Management of Parental Infidelity

◦ Attributions for Parental Infidelity

◦ Consequences of Learning about Parental Infidelity

◦ Forgiveness of Parent for Engaging in Infidelity

Occurs regularly

Viewed as a violation to a social norm

Generally detrimental to the relationship and the individuals who discover it

Unsolicit. Partner

Solicited Partner

‘Red Handed’

Unsolicit. 3rd Party

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Relationship ChangeForgivenessAfifi (W), Falato, and

Weiner’s (2001)unsolicited third party discovery‘red handed’ discoverysolicited partner discoveryand unsolicited partner discovery

*see Afifi et al., 2001, for actual measurement scaling.

Parent Family Member

Explicit 3rd

Party

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Relationship Satisfaction

(none of the groups were significantly different)

Thorson (2007)DirectIndirect

Thorson (2008 & under review)

from a family memberexplicit discoverydiscovery from the parent who cheatedincremental discoverythird party discovery Incremental

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

When a parent does not have support or control they are more likely to disclose inappropriate things to their child.

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

Lack of support and control also influence a parent’s well-being negatively.

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

There is a positive correlation between a parent’s perception of inappropriate disclosure and child’s perception of a parent’s disclosure. What does this means? When parent’s think “I shouldn’t have said that”, kids agree with them – they feel the same way.

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

There is a positive correlation between a parent’s well-beingand a child’s well-being. What does this means? When parent’s are hurting so are their kids, andvice versa.

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

Last, when a child perceives they are learning inappropriate things about their parents’ divorce it effects their well-being negatively.

Afifi (T), McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker (2007)

Lack of Control

Parent’s Well-being

Child’s Well-being

Child’s Perception of

Parent’s Disclosure

Parent’s Percep. of

Inappropriate Disclosure

Lack of Support

Some additional factors that influence child well-being◦ Talk about stressful events◦ Attributions / Sense-making◦ Related Consequences / Feeling caught◦ Forgiveness

Thorson (2009): Families (Adult Children) formed rules to determine why, to whom, when they could discuss this

◦ Protection rules

◦ Access rules

Thorson (2009): Families (Adult Children) formed rules to determine why, to whom, when they could discuss this

◦ Protection rules Internal rules (Maintenance; Culture)External rule (Protection from Outside scrutiny)

◦ Access rules

Protection rule: (maintenance example)

“When we (me and my sister) got home we put my little brother to bed. My mom didn’t come home with us. We put my little brother to bed and told him, you know ‘she’s asleep, she’s not with us, she’s asleep, don’t worry about it. I’ll wake you up in the morning so you can go to school’. And when my dad called that night we did that same thing, ‘she’s in bed, she’s asleep, there’s no way waking her up’. So we just kind of covered up for her.” (“Crissy”: 253-257)

Thorson (2009): Families (Adult Children) formed rules to determine why, to whom, when they could discuss this

◦ Protection rules

◦ Access rulesInternal rules (Context, Sex, Age, Physical Environment, Code terms)

Access rule:

“It would come, and it still kind of does sometimes, like if we watch a movie with cheating or somebody doing something like that. You know my mom will kind of look through my dad and maybe make a comment, you know, more towards me, of like, I’d be like ‘dang that’s messed up,’ she’s like, ‘yeah that is horrible. Can you imagine living through that? Can you imagine dealing with that,’ you know. And then my dad will turn and be like, ‘oh honey,’ and she’ll be like, ‘don’t touch me’.” (“Erica” 519-524)

Thorson (2011): The way we make sense of things (why it happened / occurred matters)

External forces OR Internal forcesUncontrollable OR Controllable

Stable OR Unstable

Thorson (2011): The way we make sense of things (why it happened / occurred matters)

External forces OR Internal forcesUncontrollable OR Controllable

Stable OR Unstable

Negatively (-) valenced

Positively (+) valenced

Account Underlying Attributional Dimension(s)

Dysfunction/Deficiency Internal & External locus of control, Stable, and

Uncontrollable

Justifications/Excuses Unstable and Uncontrollable

Restoring Credibility/Character Unstable and Uncontrollable

Blame

‘offending’ parent blame

‘faithful’ parent blame

Internal locus of control

External locus of control

Denial of Parent Involvement External locus of control

Inability to produce an account or attribution often stifles one’s ability to communicate about events (associated with greater distress and rumination)

Thorson (2007 & in progress): What consequences, if any, do children experience after becoming aware of their parents’ infidelity?

What consequences, if any, do children experience after becoming aware of their parents’ infidelity?◦ Structural changes in the

family

◦ Stress / intense emotions

◦ Dilemmas (feeling caught; 3 types)

InterdependenceDishonestyReluctant informant dilemmas

◦ Revenge

◦ Address terms

◦ Withholding responses

Thorson (2010 & in progress): What is the process by which we forgive our family members for engaging in infidelity?

Established model of how forgiveness occurs among couples experiencing infidelity:

Empathy ForgivenessApology

When bringing in literature from communication:

Forgiveness Granting

ForgivenessSeeking Attributions Well-being

Rel. SatisfactionApology Empathy Forgiveness

Forgiveness Granting

ForgivenessSeeking Attributions

Rel. SatisfactionApology Empathy Forgiveness

Complete apologies resulted in positively biased attributions (external locus of control, uncontrollable, and unstable)

The addition of communication focused forgiveness variables were useful

The addition of attributions in this study add to our understanding of forgiveness

General information on divorce and infidelity

The Research◦ Discovery of Infidelity

Inappropriate Parental Divorce Disclosures

◦ Privacy Management of Parental Infidelity

◦ Attributions for Parental Infidelity

◦ Consequences of Learning about Parental Infidelity

◦ Forgiveness of Parent for Engaging in Infidelity

Dr. Allison R. Thorson, Department of Communication StudiesUniversity of San Francisco – March 5, 2011

Kids’ Turn Asilomar Retreat, Pacific Grove CA

Afifi, W. A., Falato, W. L., & Weiner, J. L. (2001). Identity concerns following a severe relational transgression: The role of discovery method for the relational outcomes of infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18, 291-308.

Afifi, T. D., McManus, T., Hutchinson, S., & Baker, B. (2007). Inappropriate parental divorce disclosures, the factors that prompt them, and their impact on parents’ and adolescents’ well-being. Communication Monographs, 74(1), p. 78 – 102.

Thorson, A. R. (2009). Adult children’s experiences with their parent’s infidelity: Communicative protection and access rules in the absence of divorce, Communication Studies, 60(1), 32-48. doi: 10.1080/10510970802623591

Thorson, A. R. (2007, November). Attributions of parents’ infidelity: Adult children’s experiences. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Communication Association, Chicago, IL.

Thorson, A. R. (in progress). Communicative pathways to forgiveness: Investigating adult children’s experiences with parental infidelity.

Thorson, A. R. (under review). I heard it through the grapevine: Cheating and the influence of discovery method on parent-adult child relational outcomes.

Thorson, A. R. (2008, February). Exploring the dimensions of adult children’s attributions for their parent’s infidelity: Creating and validating the attributions for parental infidelity scale using mixed methods. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the Western States Communication Association, Denver/Boulder, CO.

Thorson, A. R. (2011). Parental infidelity: Adult children’s accounts and attributions for their parents’ extramarital relationships. In L. M. Webb & F. C. Dickson (Eds.), Communication for Families in Crisis: Theories, Methods, Strategies. Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press. [invited chapter, anticipated publication November 2010]

Thorson, A. R. (2007, March). Privacy management beyond the dyad: Children’s discovery and consequences experienced upon learning of infidelity in their non-divorced parents’ relationship. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the Central States Communication Association, Minneapolis, MN.

Thorson, A. R. (in progress). Privacy management beyond the dyad: Consequences experienced by children upon learning of infidelity in their non-divorced parents’ relationship.

Thorson, A. R. (2008, November). The influence of discovery method on relational outcomes: A study of parental infidelity. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Communication Association, San Diego, CA. [Top Four Student Paper presented to the Family Communication Division]

Afifi, T. D., Afifi, W. A., Morse, C. R., & Hamrick, K. (2008). Adolescents' avoidance tendencies and physiological reactions to discussions about their parents' relationship: Implications for postdivorce and nondivorced families. Communication Monographs, 75 (3, September), 290-317.

Afifi, T. D., & Schrodt, P. (2003). "Feeling caught" as a mediator of adolescents' and young adults' avoidance and satisfaction with their parents in divorced and non-divorced households. Communication Monographs, 70 (2, June), 142-173.

Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments. Journal of Marriage & Family, 72(3), 650-666. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00723.x

Amato, P. R., & Cheadle, J. E. (2008). Parental Divorce, Marital Conflict and Children's Behavior Problems: A Comparison of Adopted and Biological Children. Social Forces, 86(3), 1139-1161.

Amato, P. R., & Cheadle, J. (2005). The long reach of divorce: Divorce and child well-being across three generations. Journal of Marriage & Family, 67(1), 191-206. doi:10.1111/j.0022-2445.2005.00014.x

Miller, A. E. (2009). Revealing and concealing postmarital dating information: Divorced coparents' privacy rule development and boundary coordination processes. Journal of Family Communication, 9 (3, July/September), 135-149.

Previti, D., & Amato, P. R. (2004). Is infidelity a cause or a consequence of poor marital quality? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21 (2, April), .

Schrodt, P., & Afifi, T. D. (2007). Communication processes that predict young adults' feelings of being caught and their associations with mental health and family satisfaction. Communication Monographs, 74 (2, June), 200-228.

Schrodt, P., & Ledbetter, A. M. (2007). Communication processes that mediate family communication patterns and mental well-being: A mean and covariance structures analysis of young adults from divorced and nondivorced families. Human Communication Research, 33 (3, July), 330-356.

Sobolewski, J. M., & Amato, P. R. (2007). Parents' discord and divorce, parent-child relationships and subjective well-being in early adulthood: Is feeling close to two parents always better than feeling close to one?. Social Forces, 85(3), 1105-1124.