Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 1

I. Five Tools of PreparationA. Biblical Literacy – your ability to read, understand and apply the Bible.B. Cultural Apologetics – your ability to understand and interpret the world around you from

God’s point of view.C. Spiritual Disciplines – specific habits and practices that strengthen and develop your

relationship to Him.D. Parenting and Family Issues – knowledge and awareness of your family and its needs.E. Passion and Devotion – “stick-to-it-ness”

II. Establishing a Kingdom MindsetA. Establish a planB. Identify the principles upon which to base your plan.C. Execute your planD. Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate

Remember, only a fool trips over what is behind him.

Kingdom Family PlanThe Kingdom Family Plan requires the development of three annual growth plans.

1. Personal Spiritual Development Plan2. Marriage Development Plan3. Child(ren) Development Plan

Psalm 78:4 – We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done.”

What is family – “Family is the perpetual relay of truth.”Edith Schaeffer, wife of late Francis Schaeffer.

Kingdom parenting involves intentionally overseeing the generational transfer of the faith in such a way that children learn to consistently live all of life under God’s divine authority.

The command “to be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) wasn't given simply so parents would have look-alikes. Rather it was given so God would have look-alikes.

It is essential that parents teach their children the importance of submitting to God’s legitimate authority in their lives.

All of life is spiritual because all of life comes under God’s rule.

Never underestimate the power of God when He is called upon and looked to as the source of strength, wisdom and provision.

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 2

Lessons from the Asher Family

I Chronicles 7:40 – All of these were men of Asher, heads of fathers’ houses, approved, mighty warriors, chiefs of princes.”

The first parenting principle we can learn from the life of Asher is that his sons were the heads of the fathers’ houses.”

The second parenting principle we can learn from the life of Asher is to require our children to maximize their personal potential and God-given gifts.

The third parenting principle we can learn from the life of Asher is that he raised warriors.

The final parenting principle we can learn from the life of Asher is that he raised his children to serve others.

LEGACY is more than simply passing on the family name. Legacy involves passing on a kingdom worldview and perspective whether that involves sons, daughters, or both.

Raising kingdom kids comes with a high price tag of time, energy, investment, and many other things, but when you take your eyes off the cost and focus instead on the size of the legacy you are producing, you will realize that it’s worth every single thing you invest.

Your child needs to receive the training befitting the kingdom of God. They will need the foundational mindset of healthy kingdom living in order to navigate through life with a sin nature that has the potential to derail them, and in a world that aims to defeat them.

Kingdom parenting isn’t perfect parenting. Kingdom parenting is purposeful parenting.

Two Fundamentals of A Kingdom Mindset

1. Remembering GodGod’s provision can sometimes eclipse God’s rightful place in our hearts. We are to worship Him for who He is, not for what He has done. When we fail to remember God His guidelines no longer guide our decisions.

2. Fearing GodFearing God is knowing who He is and knowing who we are. It is to take Him seriously.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 3

I. Four Steps to Changing the CultureA. STEP ONE – relocation to a predominantly secular community.B. STEP TWO – isolate over a long period of timeC. STEP THREE – provide “feel good” experiences with no thought to

consequences.D. STEP FOUR – REDFINE and RENAME

II. The Purpose of the BlessingA. The blessing refers to the God-ordained role of transferring the faith and its

implications in history through the family line to the child.B. The blessing is tied to purpose. Your children are here for a reason. It’s a

tragedy if your children never discover what that purpose is.

III. Understanding Gifts and TalentsA. A GIFT is “a divinely bestowed ability which is used to strengthen others in

order to best serve God and His kingdom.”B. A TALENT is “a human ability in general, not infused with the Holy Spirit’s

unique touch and power.”

IV. The Purppose of the Blessing

V. A. On of the greatest ways of passing on the blessing is by providing wisdom, opportunity and guidance toward your child’s destiny.

VI. Posterity Pillars – Luke 2:52 – “And Jesus kept growing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.”A. Wisdom – God’s opinion on all knowledge; application of biblical principles to

every area of life.B. Stature – Physical growthC. Favor with God – Personal relationship with God; becoming more Christ-like

through understanding who He is and obediently following Him; passion and love for God.

D. Favor with Man – Personal relationship with other people; social skills, character traits.

VII. Three Key Elements of the Blessing1. A blessing is spoken in truth.2. A blessing is future-oriented3. A blessing requires work on your part.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 4

I. The greatest kingdom rule, given to us by God, is that of love. We are to love God;A. with all of our heart – the core of our desires and affectionsB. with all of our mind – conforming our thinking to His WordC. with all of our soul – placing the uniqueness of our personalities under His

control.D. With all of our strength – using our body and energy to perform His will.

II. Love always involves an element of connectedness, an important trait for establishing a healthy family.

III. Five Love LessonsA. Love Lesson #1 – LOVE IS A VERB AND A CHOICE. The ability to sound good

means nothing if it doesn’t stem from a truly loving heart. Your actions must demonstrate to them that the things they are struggling with get addressed, the areas where they need comfort get comforted, the esteem that they legitimately need is awarded, and the time they crave with you gets offered, or it is just cheap, clanging songs.

B. Love Lesson #2 – It is possible to look, act and even sound very spiritual and still amount to nothing.

C. Love Lesson #3 – Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to let go, even if we cringe while doing it.

D. Love Lesson #4 – Family members who love one another encourage one another’s talents and gifts. They do not seek to “one up” each other.

E. Love Lesson #5 – Only a fool trips over what is behind him.

IV. Three Pillars of ParentingA. Encouragement – There is a difference between encouragement and praise.

Praise is tied to what a person accomplished. Encouragement is not tied to what they did; it is tied to who they are.

B. Discipline – is a key factor in any victorious life. Parental discipline, when done well, trains your child to apply personal discipline as they grow older, as well as prevents them from making poor decisions later in life.1. Outer discipline is provided and applied by someone or something outside

of the person.2. Inner discipline is both provided and applied by the individual himself.3. Inner discipline rarely occurs without outer discipline.4. A critical component of all discipline is setting clear boundaries ahead of

time. C. Instruction – Instruction isn’t being concerned about how much they know, but with how much they can apply. This is best done through a life style.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 5

Honor – to regard or treat (someone) with respect and admiration; to show or give honor to someone. To show admiration for (someone or something) in a public way; to give a public honor to (someone or something) to do what is required by (something, such as a promise or a contract).

Respect – a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc. a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc. and should be treated in an appropriate way. A particular way of thinking about or looking at something.

Honor and Respect are critical elements in every home.

God has an order established in all that He does, and He works through that order. In the home, the mother and father have the responsibility of raising the children and the children have the responsibility of honoring and respecting their parents. When you disregard God’s order, you INVITE damage to come into your life.

You may choose your path but not your consequences.

Honor flows out of a heart of respect; establishing that respect mindset in your child is critical. Sometimes parents have to realize that, even if they can’t quite get the heart to show honor or respect, the actions must.

How to Show Honor1. Emotionally

2. Verbally3. Financially4. Obediently

5.Communication or Transmission – Communication takes place not only when a message is sent but also when it is received, understood, and acted upon. A kingdom home should have open and frequent sharing of feelings or mutual concerns, listening, understanding, empathy, affirmation, and accessibility to discussion and information.

The three parts of all communication – 1. The encoder is the person who wants to say something. 2. The message is what’s actually said. (It’s suppose to convey the encoder’s intended

information and emotion, but it has a life of its own and is easily misinterpreted)3. The decoder receives and deciphers the message making sense of it.

Five Kingdom Keys for Communication1. Be honest (Ephesians 4:25)2. Be angry and sin not (Ephesians 4:26)3. When communication is in, Satan is out. (Ephesians 4:27)4. Let your speech edify. (Ephesians 4:29)5. Listen (Ephesians 4:29)

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 6

Table Time – Your time at the table establishes rapport, openness and familiarity with the family.

A. Read and discuss God’s WordB. PrayC. Talk, tell jokesD. Check responsibilitiesE. Day in ReviewF. Teach manners

God’s Word – has the power to shape your children’s character and guide their behavior more than anything else. It has the potential to be the single most impactful thing in a person’s life. It contains within it everything necessary to guide, direct and empower us to truly live a kingdom life.

First and foremost, you must train your children to allow God’s Word to reach deep within them so it can take root and flourish through their thoughts, feelings and actions. This will require time to reflect on God’s Word.

Reflecting God’s Word – Look for:Sin to confessPromise to claimExample to followCommand to obeyIdeal about God to knowError to avoidSoul to pray for

Responding to God’s WordNo response Shallow response – received but not cared for.Inadequate response – too distracted to give God’s Word the time it deservesRight response – absorbed and demonstrated in words, thoughts and actions.

Prayer – is the act of conforming our will to God’s; not the other way around.

Don’t allow the enemy to trick you or your children into giving ip the priceless privilege and powerful position of communicating with our great God.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 7

Instilling Kingdom Virtues – WisdomGodly wisdom can enable a person to hit the mark more often than not, thus positioning oneself for security and positive accrual in the future. God has given His commandments, precepts, and principles to show us how we are to live a life of wisdom but the choice is ultimately up to the individual.

Wisdom vs. InformationThose who seek wisdom will find it through knowing God and understanding His ways. Proverbs 9:10

Wisdom is the God-given ability to perceive the true nature of a thing and then implement the will of God concerning it. It is that special viewpoint that allows a person to intuit what is truly going on and then apply God’s direction regarding that insight. Wisdom is spiritual truth applied to life’s realities.

Wisdom enables a person to clearly decipher what is going on, and then do the right thing with that information. But in order to perceive the true nature of a thing, you first have to know what’s true. For wisdom to be birthed, knowledge must be married to understanding. Proverbs 9:10

Wisdom is a byproduct of knowing God. When you know God, you have a less problematic life, and you are victorious when problems come.

Wisdom provides the tools to face disappointment in light of the wisdom of God’s Word, which tells us He is sovereign and has a plan and destiny for each of us.

The Benefits of WisdomThe benefit of wisdom is not that won’t have any problems but that your problems will not have you.

By learning to acquire and apply wisdom, your children will have the opportunity to make the most of their lives. They can be productive and fruitful.

Godly wisdom and worldly wisdom originate from vastly different, mutually exclusive sources. Everyone has two choices on where to get wisdom – from above or from below.

When you give your child the gift of cultivating godly wisdom, you won’t have to surround them with so many rules, because they will know how to make wise choices in the real world.

One helpful way to train your children in the virtue of wisdom is to get them into the habit of attaching a spiritual principle to their choices and decisions.

For example the Bible is full of wisdom on relationships (Psalm 1:1-3; Proverbs 1:16; 4:14; 6:24; 24:1; 17:17; 27:6)

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 8

IntegrityIntegrity defines the boundaries placed in our lives that guide us, protect us, and secure us against the enemies’ offenses.

Integrity involves more than reputation. What other people think about you makes up your reputation, but integrity consists of that which resides inside of you.

Integrity can be defined as being consistently honest and ethical in your speech, attitudes, and actions without compromising the truth. It means living consistently by your convictions – what you say and what you do are the same thing.

A person of integrity fears and reveres God while living authentically and according to his or her convictions.

Integrity resides in the heart, for out of the heart flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Integrity equips an individual to discern personal limits, standards and boundaries for themselves in alignment with God’s will.

By installing the virtue of integrity, you provide your children with a heightened sensitivity to the things in this world that grieve God so their consciences enable them to live holy lives.

God is the source – everyone else is just a resource.

FaithOne of the most important things you can do as a parent is to give your children their own faith – their own ability to go to God during trials and successes and learn how to handle life’s situations as well.

There is one thing every parent will face – standing by while your child makes a mistake or poor decision. This is simply because no human being is perfect.

God sometimes allows situations in life to appear hopeless because He wants to break us of our self-sufficiency and direct our focus on to Him. He sometimes lets us hit rock-bottom so we can discover that He is the Rock at the bottom.

Living a victorious kingdom life comes down to how you learn to view life’s situations through the lens of God’s Word. Remember, God’s viewpoint is always eternal and yours is most often temporal.

Kingdom living requires a day-in and day-out dependence on the character and attributes of God, as well as on His Word.

The Christian life is a marathon, not a short term sprint.

Faith, Recognizing Encumbrances

Relationships, past hurts and habits can all be encumbrances to faith. Anything can become an encumbrance when it begins to dictate your children’s thought life or dominate their time.

Show me your children’s faith and I’ll show you their future.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 9

ResiliencyResiliency is the ability to get on the front end of life’s challenges by cultivating strengths to face them when they first appear. These challenges often come without warning. They also come at the worst possible time. They are noisy, annoying and always seem way to long.

Trials are necessary in order to develop spiritual maturity that will allow them to live an abundant life. They need to learn how to grieve, particularly when they experience losses in life. They also need to learn how to forgive and be flexible in the face of unexpected change. They need to learn how to grow from their mistakes, learn from them and move on.

One of the worst things a parent can do in raising a child is to shield him or her from every struggle, especially early on when the consequences and depth of those struggles are limited.

Far too often, as parents, we want to relieve our children of pain, so we overlook prime teaching opportunities by failing to confront them.

Trials have a purposeTo test our faith – I Peter 1:6,7To increase our tenacity – James 1:3To grow us spiritually – Romans 8:29

God understands that the process of our trials is jus as important as the result. PurityWhen sex is casually misused, it creates cemented bonds that, when broken, leave lingering symptoms of insecurity, pain, abandonment, disrespect for both self and others, and increased neediness for another attachment – making personal relational boundaries less secure in future relationships as well.

God’s teaching on the sacredness of sex and the essential nature of keeping the sexual relationship pure, reserved for two married people joined by a covenantal commitment, is nothing to be taken lightly. The bottom line is that marriage is God’s only provision for safe sex. That is why it is so important to grasp the spiritual need for sexual purity.

ServiceWe were created to serve. The blessing of service is always meant to go through-not just to-someone in order to benefit others as well.

Keep in mind that each of your children is called to serve “the purpose of God” in his or her life, not your purpose for the. Instead of telling them what you think they should be doing, help them to discover God’s calling of service on their lives.

Instill in your children a desire for greatness, but also instruct them that this achieved through the virtue of service. In God’s kingdom, the way up the ladder is down. Mark 10:41-45

Service vs. BusinessDoing something for someone else and then expecting them to do something for you in return is called business, not service.

Service that is done with the right heart attitude is service that is done expecting nothing in return.

Building Kingdom FamiliesLesson 10

Humility and CompassionOur culture and community have lost touch with the NEED for humility and compassion. As kingdom parents we need to renew our commitment to teaching these virtues to the next generation.

In his book Humilitas John Dickson defines humility as “the noble choice to forgo your status, deploy your resources or use your influence for the good of others before yourself.”

Philippians 2:2-4 - Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

So Now What?

God rarely starts working things out until He sees you respond to what He has asked you to do. God responds when you walk by faith, not when you wish by faith.

When God called people to do something spectacular in the Bible, the thing He called them to do was typically larger than themselves.

You will often know that it is God asking you to do something if it is something you cannot do on your own. You cannot discover how big God is unless you need Him for something bigger than you can handle. To parent well is a joint venture with God.

The promises for your children are true, and the promises are complete. But rarely do these promises come without your participation.

The level of your participation in how your children are raised affects how they will experience God’s promises for their lives in His kingdom.

When God gives you His perspective on what He would have you do, go ahead. Do it. Don’t merge what He says with what your friends say, what you hear on TV, or what your kids say – or even what you think. You already have the answer.

As parents we must be all in when it comes to parenting. We must parent on purpose by fulfilling all that God has created us to do in order to replicate His image on earth in our children as we send them out in His name.