Mohan, Steven Jr - [SS] Last Request [v1.0].rtfLast Request by Steven Mohan, Jr.

* * * *

It began, as these things so often do, with desire.

In this case the desire for sushi. I felt the sudden need to try the finest bluefin tuna, what the Japanese call maguro.

I make it a point to always indulge my sudden needs.

In better days, bluefin was worth its weight in gold, but not any more. Now its worth hundreds of times more. All gold does is hold its value.

And what good is that?

Of course the bluefin is an endangered species (but then what isnt, ha ha) which makes the purchase and/or consumption of maguro a felony, so a little discretion was in order.

I decided to go to the Red Dragon, a little Serbian place down on Clairemont and Edison that still took cash. The Dragon was basically legit, although on occasion Velimir had sold me an item or two from his personal collection.

So I shaved my legs and slipped on a pale blue cocktail dress over my slinkiest Victorias Secret. I pulled out my nice comm, the one that looks like a diamond pendant and carefully placed it so as to emphasize my dcolletage.

It wasnt that I was looking to bring someone home, but I figured sushi was a special occasion and really, how many more chances was I going to get to dress up?

While I was changing I enabled my neural implant and queried Amy Sanders who lived next door in 3C.

She answered at once. The voice in my head hinted at tears and grief. Yes?

Amy, I said brightly, this is Katya. Get dressed, were going out.

Oh. Pause. Really, thank you, Katya, but I

Still mooning over Mark? Her husband had run off three weeks ago to join an apocalyptic Christian cult. I mean its bad enough when a man leaves you for another woman, but when he leaves you for a life of wool robes, bad haircuts, and angry harangues about the end of the world, thats really too much. You know the best antidote to a man? Another man.

I really dont think I can. Softly.

OK, I said gently. We wont party. Lets just have a nice dinner, all right? If there was anyone who needed a night out it was Amy Sanders.

Well ... Maybe.

After I got dressed I went next door and dragged her out of her apartment. She was twenty-five and beautiful, but since her husband left she never seemed to wear anything but oversized gray sweats. Somehow I managed to get her into a black miniskirt and a pink silk blouse. She tied her shoulder-length blond hair back with a matching pink hair band. By the time she was done, she didnt look half-bad.

Hot even.

* * * *

The greeter at the Dragon had a perfectly sculpted body and natural Mediterranean good looks. The fact that he was also gay was all the proof I needed that there was no God.

Umberto smiled brightly at me. Miss Katya. So good to see you again. He raised an eyebrow. And who is your beautiful friend?

Amy actually blushed. It was good to see.

No need to tell her that Umberto was gay.

He escorted us to our table (pulling the chair out for Amy) and brought us a couple drinks. I gave him a hundred and then rummaged around in my purse for a tip. I slugged down a whiskey sour while Amy delicately sipped a pink lady through a straw.

The Dragon is a nice place: cozy, circular tables draped in red tablecloths and lit by the glow of long, graceful tapers, dark enough to be intimate without slipping into sleazy, and the food is five star. The smell of roasting meat and exotic spices wafted from a wood-burning oven.

So why are we really here? Amy asked after a moment.

Sushi, I said simply.

Sushi? Her face scrunched up in confusion.

I leaned toward her and gently took her outstretched hand in mine. Amy, I said softly, when tragedy strikes we have two choices. We can wallow in despair or we can enjoy ourselves. Sushi is an extraordinary delicacy, one Ive never tried. Now is my chance. I squeezed her hand. Our chance.

Amy moistened her lips. I didnt realize it was so important to you.

Well, I refuse to wallow in despair. I glanced over and caught Velimirs eye across the bar.

Velimir Bajic was a short, good-looking man in his mid-thirties, with dark hair, dark eyes, and pale skin. He was no Umberto, but he had his charms and he was very straight, or at least thats what Id heard.

He said a few words to the bartender and then drifted over to where we were sitting. Miss Grigorev, he said in low tones, how good to see you. Can I offer you something special tonight? There was just a slight emphasis on the word special.

Sunazuri, I said. It was the finest cut of the finest tuna, but I believe if youre going to splurge you ought to do it right.

Velimir smiled. I think we can oblige. He made a small gesture and a waiter scurried over. Velimir whispered a few words and the waiter scurried off.

Velimir caught my eyes. Of course you understand we cant take cash.

I blinked. What? We just paid for the drinks with cash.

Velimir shrugged, his lips turned down in a pro forma look of despair that said he was willing to pretend he was sorry, but that was it. My apologies, Miss Grigorev, but for a delicacy of this nature, I must insist on something a bit more, ah, tangible than money.

I looked at him blankly for a moment. Then I understood. Oh. Very straight.

Velimir watched me intently.

I couldve changed his mind with a single word. Audit. Im sure there was enough on Velimir to tie him up for ninety days. It would only be tax court, but that was still three months hed never get back. A lot of IRS auditors wouldve done just that, in fact I wasnt sure I knew one who wouldnt.

But some obsolete vestige of morality kept me from saying the magic word.

The waiter brought out the plate. Tiny cubes of red meat marbled with thin lines of fat. My mouth watered. You never want something so much as when youre told you cant have it.

Now Im not a prude. I like sex as much as the next gal and Im sure Velimir wouldve been pleasant enough, but I didnt like the way his greasy gaze slid over my body like I was a pleasure to be bought and sold.

Like a plate of fish.

No, I said primly, Thank you anyway.

Velimir raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

Yes, Im sure, you bastard, I thought.

Amy looked from me to Velimir, her eyes wide, confused.

Excuse me.

I looked up. A man with short, curly hair the color of gingerbread and startling blue eyes had appeared next to Velimir. He had a strong face, but there was a certain innocence in those bright eyes.

Velimir frowned. Yes, sir?

The man shook his head. Im at the next table and I couldnt help overhearing. Please let me pay for the ladies.

Velimir raised an eyebrow. Sir, he said archly, I am quite certain you have nothing I could accept as payment.

I brought this to drink with dinner. The man reached into a brown paper sack and pulled out a magnum of wine labeled Harlan Estate.

Velimir swallowed. Forgive me, it seems I was wrong.

What do you want in return? asked Amy suspiciously.

The man shook his head. Its a gift.

I flushed. It was a sweet, extravagant gesture, a pre-89 Persei gesture, the kind of thing a man was supposed to do: protect a ladys honor. I looked into his clear blue eyes and felt myself melt.

I licked my lips. I wouldnt want to impose.

The man blinked. No, I insist. Its not an imp

No, thank you, I said sternly.

Ill pay, said Amy in a small voice.

I turned to her. No, Amy. I didnt mean for you

She smiled bravely and stood up. No, really. I want to.

My mouth worked, but no words came out.

Velimirs eyes flickered over her body. In that blouse, she was a pink cloud of femininity. Velimir took her hand and led her away and I just sat there with my mouth open.

Maybe, said the man coldly, you shouldnt say no when someone offers to help you. And then he strode away.

The comm Id so carefully placed between my breasts trilled softly, but for once I didnt give a damn who was calling.

I picked up a piece of sushi. Sunazuri was reputed to have a light, buttery taste and a velvety texture, but when I popped it past my lips I didnt taste it at all. I chewed mechanically and swallowed.

When Amy came back twenty minutes later with her hair band pushed back and her silk blouse rumpled, looking like a lost little girl, she said, How was the maguro?

Wonderful, I said and that seemed to make her happy.

I felt so bad that I bought the drinks for the rest of the night and we ended up partying after all.

Sometime during the evening I remember looking at the man with curly, gingerbread hair and the bright eyes through a haze of alcohol and thinking, I could spend the rest of my life with you. Then I remembered how long the rest of my life was and sobered up right away.

Instead I went home with a man who called himself Black Ice because, as he explained, no one ever saw him coming. He was probably an accountant (I never found out for sure). He was trying hard for the bad-ass biker look: black leather jacket, spiky blond hair, metal piercings in a variety of interesting places.

We mainlined a couple vials of Blue 69. I dont know whats in it exactly, but it definitely doesnt slow you down. He fucked me three times, the last time bending me over my recliner.

He was perfect. The sex was OK and when I woke up the next morning and found him gone, I didnt miss him.

Not even a little bit.

* * * *

The world didnt use to be like this. I still remember what it was like before Huygens discovered 89 Persei.

Huygens was an interferometer: two massive space telescopes positioned at opposite ends of the Earths orbit. ESA put it up to evaluate a list of 43 extrasolar planets, looking for oxygen lines in the absorption spectra of their atmospheres. In between the alien worlds, Huygens surveyed various astronomical oddities.

After checking planet number twenty-six, Huygens turned its attention to a dark nebula in Perseus that was also a minor X-ray source, Persei X-12, to be exact.

Huygens never made it back to the planets.

What it discovered hidden in the heart of that dark nebula were three monstrous stars, each thirty times the mass of the sun, engaged in an intricate and self-destructive dance of mass and gravity.

Astronomers designated the system 89 Persei.

Careful observation of Eta Carinae had already taught them much about hypernovae and the gamma ray bursts they engendered, great swaths of radiation poured across the stars, sterilizing any world in their paths.

When 89 Persei finally went, when the trio of stars finally spiraled down into each other and flashed off, releasing the energy of a million galaxies in a moment, Earth would lie directly in the path of the deadly storm.

In a funny sort of way the disaster had already happened. 89 Persei lay 270 light years from Sol System, so it had exploded long ago. Humanitys fate had been sealed a few years before the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

The astronomers assured us that when the stars had collided they had boiled off more than enough angry gamma to superheat the Earths atmosphere and kill every living thing down to the bacteria.

There was nothing we could do to save ourselves. But thanks to the astounding powers of science we could predict exactly when it would happen: Wednesday July 12, 2023, at 3:47 p.m.

We had a little more than three years.

* * * *

I woke the next morning, sore from the sex and strung out from the drugs. I staggered out of bed and glanced at the mirror. I hadnt taken my make-up off the night before and my mascara had smeared. There was an ugly red mark on my left breast (it turned out that Black Ice liked to bite).

I groaned and threw a robe around my body and stumbled into the living room where I found Assistant Special Agent in Charge Charlie Hampton of the FBIs San Diego Office sitting in my good leather recliner drinking a cup of coffee.

I was too strung out to be surprised, though I did have the presence of mind to check my robe to make sure it was closed.

Good morning, Katya, ASAC Charlie said cheerfully and took another sip of coffee. The smell roiled my stomach. If he wasnt careful I was going to throw up all over his shoes.

There was no point in giving him a hard time about breaking into my apartment. The U.S. government had adopted broad police powers to hold things together during the home stretch. A little violation of privacy was nothing. Not when the FBI could make you disappear, no questions asked.

What do you want? I croaked.

He frowned. You dont look so good, Katya. He picked up a hypo lying on my glass-topped coffee table with the vial of Blue 69 still attached. You ought to watch this stuff, its related to early-onset Alzheimers.

I gave a chuckle that sounded like a death rattle. Alzheimers? Thats a good one, Charlie.

He scowled. I said early-onset.

Yeah? How early?

We-e-ll, a few years maybe.

So thats, what? Twenty, thirty years from now? I cackled again.

Anyway thats not the important part. He tossed the hypo down. Its illegal as hell.

I shrugged. As long as I hurt only myself the FBI didnt really care and we both knew it.

ASAC Charlie sighed. OK. I came to talk to you about David Brodek.

I shook my head. Uh, David, uh

Hampton yanked an eight by ten glossy out of a manila folder.

No glossies, I croaked. Its way too early for glossies.

Hampton held it up anyway. It was the man from the Dragon, the man with curly, gingerbread hair and bright eyes.

Oh, I said brilliantly. He didnt tell me his name.

Yes he did, said Hampton.

I knew the drugs and alcohol had taken their toll, but I felt I was on sure ground here. Then I remembered my comm trilling. Oh, I said again. Why do we care?

Brodeks been on sabbatical from Sandia for the last three months. They reported a theft of antimatter last week.

After he left? I asked. That puts him in the clear, doesnt it? I was having a hard time following him, but maybe that was because my head felt like it was packed full of cotton.

Yeah, except for this. He pulled out another glossy. It showed Brodek talking to a tall, slim man with snow-white hair and a weathered face.

I shook my head.

Ezekial Carpenter.

Was that name supposed to mean something to me? I accessed my implant and ran a quick-search. It came up blank. I shrugged.

ASAC Charlie leaned forward, a look of sudden intensity tightening his face. Brotherhood of the Fifth Angel.

I sucked in my breath. An apocalyptic Christian cult.

He nodded soberly.

I felt a sudden chill and folded my arms across my chest. Along with obscure astrophysical phenomenon the 21st Century had taught us all a lot about the Book of Revelation.

Antimatter, a scientist, and apocalyptic Christians, I muttered under my breath.

You see the problem. I realized ASAC Charlie looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and every muscle in his face seemed to sag. This was how it would be at the end when all the people trying to hold it together began to learn, to really know there was no point.

How much did they take? I asked.

A few dozen kilos. He shrugged. Enough.

Enough for what

To turn any city they choose into a smoking crater, he snapped. To send a plume of ash miles into the atmosphere. Its E equals fucking mc2, Katya. They took enough.

My hand went to my mouth. Can they really do that?

Sure they can do that, he said angrily. Its not like a nuke. Antiprotons can be contained in a simple magnetic field. Theres no spherical trigger with carefully designed explosive charges. No radiation leakage. Just hydrogen and antihydrogen and boom.

I licked my lips. What do you want me to do?

Weve been watching Brodek for a long time, but we havent learned much. We need to know the exact plan, whos involved. Time is growing short.

You want me to rattle him.

ASAC Charlie exhaled heavily. He seems interested in you. Shake him up, see what falls loose. Well pay, he added almost as an afterthought.

I looked up. Pay in what? I asked, more because I wanted to know how worried he was than because I really cared about the answer.

His jaw set and he met my eyes. In whatever you want.

Thats when I realized he wasnt worried.

He was terrified.

* * * *

I wasnt sure about taking Amy with me to the party even though ASAC Charlie told me I should. He thought it might allay Brodeks suspicion if he knew I was IRS.

Maybe he was right, but considering how the last girls night out had ended, I wasnt sure shed really be up for another one. I told myself I was just going over to 3C to see how she was.

I knocked on her door.

Its open, she called.

I pushed the door open six inches. Amy?

She was on her hands and knees rubbing lemon polish into her coffee table with a dirty rag. She looked up and gave me a dazzling smile. Katya. Come in.

I blinked. I had expected her to look as bad as I felt, but she was up and indecently cheerful. She had her beautiful blond hair tied back and she was wearing a cute red top and jeans. I just wanted to make sure you were OK, I said hesitantly. We partied pretty hard last night.

She smiled and waved my words away. No, Im great.

I swallowed and glanced down. Look, about the sushi, I never meant for you to have to

She was up in a second. I know. Its just, well, you seemed so passionate about it and when Velimir said he wouldnt take your money

If Id wanted the sushi that badly I wouldve

Amy stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I hope it hasnt gotten to the point where a woman cant do something nice for a friend.

I took a deep breath and held it. Then I let it out all at once. OK, I said, letting it drop.

She dropped her hand. Did you need something?

Yeah. Im going to a party. Want to come? I held my hands up. I dont want you to pay for anything, I said hastily.

Where is it?

The marina.

Oooh, swanky. Whos throwing it? she asked.

Do you remember the guy with the wine?

Curly hair and blue eyes? She smiled impishly. How could I forget? A lot better looking than Vanilla Ice or whoever you were dancing with last night.

Anyway, I went on evenly, he invited me.

She smiled brightly. Wouldnt miss it for the world.

* * * *

It was a mild summer day in San Diego, eighties and clear, not a single cloud in the blue, blue sky. A great day to live in SoCal.

I parked in a secure lot and we walked over to the gate on West Harbor Drive. The twin silver towers that had once been a Marriott rose up like a mirrored beacon behind the ten-foot concrete wall and the APC parked carelessly in front of it.

We endured the security search right there out in the open. It included a close frisk, a blood sample, and a quite thorough body scan, but neither one of us gave the soldiers so much as a cross look.

Downtown was patrolled by soldiers with dead eyes and semi-automatic weapons with the safeties off. Protecting the rich at the end of times was a deadly serious business.

(And how did the rich pay their soldiers, now that money was nearly worthless? By letting them live within the gates, of course.)

After my soldier was done, he spoke into his throat mike and a part of the wall shimmered and disappeared, revealing an open steel hatch.

Amy and I stepped into an entirely different world. Safety, comfort, luxury for the asking. No mass suicides, no angry young men flipping out, no people going hungry because their cash was suddenly worthless.

All of it had been replaced by beautiful people dressed in bright splashes of color, canary yellow and aquamarine and shimmering silver, laughing and drinking and dancing along the waterfront, white sailboats lined up neatly in their slips behind them, sunshine glistening on the water.

Except it wasnt really a different world, was it? Or it wouldnt be in three years when the universe casually wiped away the happy falsehood in a fraction of a second, leaving nothing behind but the blackened husks of what mightve once been people.

I followed Amy into the throng. I was wearing a little black dress and I felt a twinge of jealously standing next to her. She who was a good five (OK, ten) years younger than me and looked like an absolute vixen in scarlet lam.

We were hardly there five minutes before she was swept away in a swirl of men and music and champagne in long, fluted glasses. I watched her for a while. There were a lot of women there (there always are at this sort of thing) but Amy was clearly the belle of the ball.

Mark Sanders was a moron.

I turned my back on her and leaned over the wrought-iron fence that separated the party from the gentle waves of San Diego Bay. A gull skimmed low over the water.

Im glad you came.

And there he was standing beside me with that curly hair and those bright blue eyes, looking magnificent in a black tuxedo.

Mr. Perfect.

I waved my drink at the water. Its a lovely party.

He snorted. Im sure you could go to any party you wanted.

Why dont we start over. I extended my hand. My name is Katya Grigorev.

His hand closed over mine. It was warm and gentle and I felt myself flush. David Brodek. He held the contact for a moment longer than was strictly polite and then turned to look behind him. Your friends having a good time.

I glanced over at Amy. She was surrounded by a group of men. One of them said something and she laughed.

I hope so, I said.

You know, he said softly, what you told her last night was wrong.

I turned to look at him. What?

About enjoying yourself despite tragedy.

Really, I said. Then whats all this?

He gave me a shy, little boy smile that I felt way down in my stomach. This is my lame attempt to get your attention.

But you really dont believe in hedonism?

What I dont believe in is nihilism, he said seriously.

I folded my arms. You think wallowing in despair is a better option?

He shook his head. Theres another choice, Katya.

Oh, yeah? Whats that?

He looked at me intently. Fight back.

I snorted. How do you do that? Through prayer? Thats the kind of idiocy that got Amy where she is today.

He frowned.

Her husband ran off to join a cult.

David shook his head and looked over at her. Well, she seems to be doing OK now.

You think so? I murmured. I glanced over at him. So how much does a bottle of Harlan Estate cost anyway?

Fifty, sixty grand. He shrugged. Back when money was worth something.

I whistled softly. No wonder Velimirs eyes bugged out of his head when you pulled it out of the bag. I looked up at him. Why were you willing to trade it for the sushi?

He didnt turn away from my gaze. It seemed like a small price to pay for a soul.

Oh, you traffic in souls, do you? I said lightly.

I dont buy and sell them for my pleasure, if thats what you mean.

No, I said slowly. No, youre the great preserver of souls.

You make me sound so self-righteous.

Arent you?

He sighed. I do what I can to help. Isnt that what you do?

I shook my head.

He glanced at Amy. Yeah right.

I try to make the passing easier, I said bitterly. Im not under illusion I can really help.

Just words, he said.

This is a stupid argument, I snapped. None of it matters.

I saw a star which had fallen down to the earth, he intoned, and it was given the key to the abyss.

I shrugged, suddenly very tired. Something like that.

He looked out at the water. This way we live... He shook his head. Its not right.

Theres no point in building anything permanent.

Really? Youd give up three years of happiness because you cant have more?

I frowned. I dont believe in a God who loves us.

Id meant for the comment to shock him, but he just smiled indulgently. Neither do I.

I blinked. Youre not a Christian?

Now he definitely looked pleased with himself. Was I supposed to be?

Judging by the goofy half-smile stretched across his face I wasnt doing a very good job of rattling him. I know about your little side project.

You do? Still amused.

A few kilograms could take out a major American city, I said doggedly.

At least.

If there was a nerve there, I hadnt found it. I was supposed to rattle Brodek, but it turned out it was working the other way around.

Youre a fibby, arent you, Katya.

I shook my head. I work for the IRS.

Then youre free-lancing for them.

I said nothing.

Theres a lot of things you dont understand, he said softly.

I tried to imagine the kind of fanaticism that would cause someone to blow up a city of ten million. Youre right about that.

He suddenly leaned forward and kissed me, a long, lingering kiss that left the taste of him on my lips.

Well, he whispered, I hope you figure it out soon.

And then he disappeared into the crowd of revelers.

I was so flustered that I didnt find the datatab hed tucked into a fold in my dress until after I got home.

* * * *

The tab contained a simulation showing the gamma ray bursts most probable path through the solar system. It also contained a second simulation that was much more interesting than the first.

The second sim modeled a massive explosion on the Moons surface, evidently much larger than your garden-variety nuke. The explosion scattered particles throughout cislunar space.

As near as I could tell, it was supposed to be some kind of shield.

Of course ASAC Charlie would have none of it. Hes playing with you, Katya. Come on. The Moon?

And maybe he was right. I spent a day doing some intense web research, wading through paper abstracts, NASA contingency plans, and transcripts of congressional testimony.

It turned out that Brodeks plan, which had been labeled Lunar Detonation and Dispersion, had been thoroughly investigated. The government had concluded that there was almost no chance of success.

Of course the word that caught my attention was almost.

* * * *Thanks for inviting me to the party. Amy sat on my sofa, cross-legged, a fat pillow in her lap. She was wearing a gray sweatshirt again, but she also wore a pair of plaid shorts that showed off her slim legs and her hair was pulled back into a sporty pony tail.

I sat opposite her, sipping a steaming mug of coffee laced with chocolate and orange and God knows what else. I know it sounds like we were on the set of some gourmet coffee commercial, but Amy had insisted. Apparently, she actually liked the stuff.

I tried to be patient. I was anxious to get back to my research on Lunar Detonation and Dispersion.

She set her mug down on my coffee table and leaned forward on the pillow. So tell me about the guy with the curly hair. She raised her eyebrows. Did you and he...?

I thought about that incredible kiss, the kiss that knocked me off my feet. Then I thought about him quoting Revelation. He was a disappointment, I said flatly.

Well, you mustve found someone else with a bigger ... uh ... a less disappointing... She clicked her tongue.

I shrugged. I was suddenly tired of the girl talk. It felt like I was back in the dorms at SDSU. Had I really been like this at twenty-five?

She picked the mug back up and brought it to her lips. You know, I had stopped drinking this stuff. Its so fattening.

I snorted. No need to worry about that any more.

She cradled the mug in both hands and looked into its depths. No, she said softly. I guess not.

It sounded like shed made a decision. I hoped so anyway. Screw Mark Sanders. And screw the end of the world.

He asked me to go with him, Amy said.

I frowned in confusion. One of the men at the party?

She smiled and shook her head. Mark. To the commune.

I thought of Brodek. Whod want to spend the rest of her life praying to an absent God?

Yeah, agreed Amy, sounded stupid to me, too. But at least wed have been together.

I didnt say anything.

You know, Mark and I used to love downtown San Diego, before they closed it off, I mean. She was staring out my sliding glass window, looking at nothing, and I realized she wasnt really talking to me.

Wed buy chocolate down at Seaport Village, walk along the sidewalk, and look at the water. Or go window shopping at Horton Plaza. It was nice to see it again. She turned to look at me. And I have you to thank for it.

Im glad you had a good time, I said carefully. But you have to live in the now. Thats all we have left.

Amy smiled a sad smile. Of course youre right. And then, suddenly the sad smile disappeared, replaced by a smirk. Oh, I was living in the now, all right. There are a couple guys at the party who can attest to that.

And with that charming thought, I decided it was time to get back to my research. I looked down into my mug. Im sorry to cut this off, but I have some work to do...

I glanced over at her just in time to see the muscles in her face sag, replaced quickly by the broadest, brightest smile Id ever seen.

No problem. She got up and left.

I frowned as I watched her go.

* * * *

I didnt stop reading about schemes to save the world until sometime after midnight when I fell asleep at the keyboard.

I didnt learn much.

I woke up late the next morning. I remembered running Amy off and winced. Better go over there and apologize, I thought. So I ran a comb through my hair and stumbled over to 3C.

I rapped on the door.

No answer.

Amy, I called in a hoarse voice.

Nothing.

Maybe she was in the shower or on the phone.

I edged the door open. Amy?

I found her in the bedroom, lying on the bed. At first glance I thought she was sleeping, but then I took another look. She wore a gown of shimmering, virginal white, its sleeves fashioned from fine lace, a gauzy veil draped over her face.

Her wedding dress.

Oh god oh god. I surged forward, glimpsing a small pill bottle on her nightstand, brown-orange and transparent enough to show that it was empty.

Syrup of ipecac, then, to bring up the pills, that and CPR, if I was fast enough, lucky enough, just maybe

I touched her hand.

Cold.

Cold as the cold sea.

I jerked my hand back from deaths touch and looked wildly around the room, searching for something I could do. Of course there was nothing.

Not any more.

She left no note. Why should she? An absent husband, a dying world; what did she need to explain?

How could I have been so stupid? The signs had all been there. Suicides often give away their treasures before they exit. I shuddered to think what shed given away so I could try sushi.

* * * *

I strolled along the beach at La Jolla. It was a gray day, no more than fifty degrees out, unusual for San Diego in June. I wore battered sneakers and jeans and a cream-colored herringbone sweater. No make-up.

Dressing up just didnt seem important any more.

For a week, Id been beating myself up about Amy. If only Id talked to her. If only Id paid more attention I couldve

What?

Saved her?

Maybe I shouldnt have tried.

Maybe Amy was right.

What was there left to do? What was there left to hope for? All the little pleasures, the pointless luxuries were dry and tasteless. Like the Sunazuri Id eaten the night wed gone to the Red Dragon.

I gazed out at the gray-green waves of the Pacific. I could strip off my clothes and just walk into the surf, swim out into the ocean, nice, easy overhand strokes, swim, until I could swim no more.

I could really do it.

I heard a mans voice say, How are you, Katya?

I turned and he was standing right behind me. David. He looked great. Gray sweatshirt that said MIT, faded jeans. The wind lightly ruffled his curly hair.

Im sorry about Amy.

I didnt want to talk about it, so I said, The FBI thinks you plan to blow up a city.

He gave me a crooked smile. Thats OK. So does the Brotherhood of the Fifth Angel.

You just used them so you could make the bomb.

His grin widened. Pretty cool, huh?

I shook my head. Charlie Hampton wants to arrest you and Ezekial Carpenter will want to kill you.

He shrugged. Two men trapped in their paradigms.

Ive done some checking, David. Everyone says it cant work.

Not everyone, he said softly.

But the chances arent good.

He offered me a small, sad smile, as if to say, Well, no.

Howre you going to get it into orbit? I demanded.

I dont know.

Have you picked a detonation point yet? How do you know youll get the right particle density?

He shrugged.

What if your calculations are off? If you detonate too soon, the Moon will sweep most of the particles out of orbit.

Whats your point, Katya? he said softly.

I bent down to pick up a stone and hurled it savagely at the sea. Youre a bloody fool.

Nothing makes someones whos given up angrier than offering her hope.

I wheeled on him. Youre saying I want the world to die.

He held my gaze, not matching my anger, but not backing down either. Im saying youve made your peace with it.

So its better to have false hope, I sneered.

Better than no hope, he said.

Youre just as crazy as the cultists.

The flashy parties, the drugs, the empty sex, he snapped, suddenly angry. Treating people like theyre commodities to be purchased and consumed. Is that what youre defending? He glanced out at the cold, deadly ocean. Is that what you really want?

The world is coming to an end. My throat tightened painfully around the words. And you cant stop it.

Maybe, maybe not, he whispered. But, either way I can live my life like it means something.

He held out his hand and after a long moment I reached out and took it.

* * * *

Steven Mohan, Jr. lives in Pueblo, Colorado where he works as a manufacturing engineer. When not writing, he helps his wife keep track of their three small children. Steves short fiction has appeared in Writers of the Future, On Spec, Talebones, Extremes 4: Darkest Africa, and Aboriginal Science Fiction and has won honorable mention in both The Years Best Fantasy and Horror and The Years Best Science Fiction. This is Steves first story for Challenging Destiny. His story Murder in the Shadow of Exile will be appearing in Challenging Destiny Number 20.

A N.E.R.D.s Release.txt

Challenging Destiny Magazine - 2004 - Issue 19 - December.txt