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CONFLICTRESOLUTION

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People do not needto agree on beliefs or values but only as toarrangements for the future.

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Some Beliefs About Sources of Conflict Scarce resources Failure to communicate/empathize Struggle for power and control Result of evil Result of being overwhelmed and confusedRobert Benjamin

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CONFLICTConflict is a part of life.

Conflict does not mean failure.

Conflict leads to change and growth

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LADDER OF INFERENCE*

DATAMEANING BELIEFS ACTIONSASSUMPTIONS EXPERIENCE*Adapted from The Fifth Discipline Field Book Peter Senge CONCLUSIONS

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The Iceberg of ConflictIssues_____________PersonalitiesEmotionsInterests Needs DesiresSelf-Perceptions Self-EsteemHidden ExpectationsUnresolved Issues from Past

Cloke & Goldsmith

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Costs of Unresolved Conflict Wasted time Bad decisions Unnecessary restructuring Health costs Formal costs e.g. litigation Job dissatisfaction

Dr. Daniel Dana CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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Options for Resolving ConflictAvoidanceCollaborationNegotiateMediateHigher AuthorityChain of commandLitigateUnilateral Power PlaySlaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

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Problem Resolution SetAbsolution: Ignore a problem and hope it goes away.Solution: Do something to produce a positive outcome.Resolution: Do something to produce the best possible outcome.Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the problem.From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis

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CompetingI win/you loseCompromisingBoth win some/lose someCollaboratingBoth winAvoidingI leave/you winAccommodatingI yield/you winLowHighCooperativenessAssertivenessLowHighConflict Resolution Styles

Professor Mark Umbreit, University of Minnesota, Center for Restorative Justice and Peacemaking

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Win/Win HabitSee the problem from the other point of viewIdentify key issues and concernsWhat results are a fully acceptable solution?Identify new options to achieve those results

Stephen Covey, THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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Win-Win AssumptionsAll needs are legitimate.There are enough resources to meet all needs.People are capable of finding their own solutions.Process is as important as content.Improving situations is different from solving problems.

12Key assumption in self determination

Win-Win AssumptionsConflict often indicates a desire for a closer relationship.Everyone is right from his/her own perspective.Solutions and resolutions are temporary states of balance.Conflict and crisis both present opportunities for transforming people and relationships.

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Seven Steps to Solution

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTIONFind the time and place to talkDecide upon ground rulesListen to each otherAscertain issue and core value involvedIdentify common goalsExplore optionsMake a plan for the future

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTIONFind the time and place to talk

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The MeetingInvitation to meetSecuring a locationEliminate distractionsEnvironmental factorsEnsure timing is right

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

2. Decide upon ground rules

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Sample Ground Rules Be respectful of one another No personal attacks Do not interrupt Try to understand the others point of view Confidentiality No reloading

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

3. Listen to each other

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PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATIONWhat We Say May Not Be What Is Heard.

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Peter Senge on Questions40% are statements in disguise

40% are judgments in disguise

20% are true questions

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Venting and Repetition

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PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 2. Messages Contain Thoughts And Emotions.

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Why vs. Help Me Understand

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PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION3. How We Physically Respond Is A Better Indicator Than What We Say.

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Tone of VoiceBody LanguageDiction

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PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 4. There is an appropriate time and an appropriate place.

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The Chinese Characters for Listening:

1. Ear Gather2. Eye Perceive3. Heart Sense4. King RespectLISTENINGCopyright Covisioning 2001

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STEPS: 1.REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You cant gather if you mind is full. 2.ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening?What does it take to bring listening to an interaction?Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is. You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses.3.EAR: GATHERThe Ear serves to gather information.

Purpose of this Activity: To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them.

Topic: Listening: Chinese CharactersActivity: Lecture & exercises Time: 8 min.

Continued...

LISTENINGCopyright Covisioning 2001

EyeEarKingHeart

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STEPS: 1.REVIEW this slide. For listening to take place you have to clear your mind. You have to understand emotions and let them go (not suppress them). Then you can have your mind clear. The first key to listening is gathering. You cant gather if you mind is full. 2.ASK What is the difference between hearing & listening?What does it take to bring listening to an interaction?Listening in this sense goes beyond just hearing (gathering through the ears). Listening implies understanding what their communication means and what the intention is. You have to use all the senses. When you process, you process what you see AND what you sense with all your senses.3.EAR: GATHERThe Ear serves to gather information.

Purpose of this Activity: To demonstrate the multiple dimensions of listening and what it takes to fully listen to another so that you understand them.

Topic: Listening: Chinese CharactersActivity: Lecture & exercises Time: 8 min.

Continued...

LISTENING BEHAVIORSListen for the FactsUnderstand the Speaker (Empathic Listening)Active ListeningParaphrase/Summarize to understand

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Guides to Good ListeningBE INTERESTED.WEIGH CONTENT.BE PATIENT.FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS.BE FLEXIBLE.PRACTICE LISTENING.RESIST DISTRACTIONS.EXERCISE THE MIND.KEEP THE MIND OPEN.

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There is a differencebetween understandinganothers position andcondoning it.

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Helpful PhrasesHelp Me Understand It sounds likeIt seems like.We cannot change the past One option for resolution is What do you suggest?I really need to understand moreWhats it going to take?It is common to react this way when

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

4. Ascertain issue and core value involved

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Focus on InterestsInterests = Needs + Core ValuesWants vs. NeedsThe story of the orangeReframingChange the game by changing the frameChange perception to see new possibilities

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

5. Identify common goals

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What do weneed to accomplish?

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

6. Explore options

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17 CamelsElderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his camel herd to his 3 sonsStipulates the following in his will:Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herdSecond eldest to receive 1/3 of herdYoungest to receive 1/9 of herd

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17 Camels3 Sons Visit the Village ElderSons unable to agree on division of camelsEach brother presents his issueEach wants fair share of herdElder tells them she will lend them one camel to resolve the disputeOnly asks that camel be returned when no longer needed

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17 CamelsResolution1/2 of 18 = 91/3 of 18 = 61/9 of 18 = 2 1718th camel no longer needed

YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18th camel!

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Breakthrough Keep talking Supporting Conciliatory GesturesApologizing, taking ownership Forces Toward HarmonyCatharsis, Fatigue, Desire for PeaceInhibitory ReflexYou and I against the problem instead of you and I against each other

Daniel Dana, Ph.D. CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION

7. Make a plan for the future

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PRINCIPLES OF AGREEMENTSThe Past Cant be Changed - Focus on Future

Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties.

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