lds widows and widowers conference

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LDS Widows and Widowers Conference

Making the Most of the Widows Mite:

Financial Advice to my Widower Father and

to my Widow Step-mom

March 15, 2014

Bryan Sudweeks, Ph.D., CFAFrom the BYU Marriott School of Management website on

Personal Finance at http://personalfinance.byu.net

http://personalfinance.byu.net/

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Abstract• The deaths of my mother (at age 53) and my remarried

father (who died at age 87) were traumatic experiences for all involved, including my siblings. My family and I were very vulnerable during that time. When tragedy happens, we often become so discouraged by what we have lost that we fail to remember the things we still have. The gospel is a gospel of joy, and as we remember our covenants, we will see that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:15). This presentation will help remind us of our covenants and the things that we must do to hold fast to those covenants to obtain eternal life.

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To Make the Most of the Widow’s Mite:• 1. Remember the plan• 2. Hold fast to your covenants• 3. Understand where you are• 4. Give every dollar a name• 5. Watch out for “well-meaning” advice• 6. Stand in holy places• 7. Leave your adult children alone financially• 8. Start saving now• 9. Take responsibility for your learning• 10. Remember the ifs 3

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1. Remember the Plan• We all know the promises of adversity

• The Lord told the prophet Joseph Smith:• Know thou, my son, that all these things shall

give thee experience, and shall be for thy good (D&C 122:7).

• Nephi told his son Jacob:• Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the

wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine affliction for thy gain (2 Nephi 2:2).

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Remember the Plan (continued)

Orson F. Whitney said:• No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is

wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven (as quoted in “Tragedy or Destiny,” p. 6).

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• Our perspective is that adversity is part of the gospel of Jesus Christ• While this is all good, it doesn’t make the

experience any easier• However, it wasn’t planned to be easy--it was

planned as a learning experience• “And we know that all things work together

for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28)

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• What is the “why” of adversity?• While understanding the “what” and the “how” of

the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet. (Dieter Uchtdorf, “Forget Me Not”, Ensign, Nov. 2011).

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• A. Adversity can bring us to Christ• Whatever the problem may be in a person’s life—

failure to pay tithing, breaking the Word of Wisdom, casual church attendance, [or I add - adversity, the]—real issue is faith in Jesus Christ. If we can help people obtain the gift of faith in Christ, good works will follow. The end purpose of any law of God is to bring us to Christ. And how well will the law work? It depends on what we think of the Author of the law (C. Max Caldwell, “What Think Ye of Christ?,” Ensign, Feb 1984).


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• B. Adversity can help us accomplish our divine missions for which were sent here on earth• I bear testimony of the fact that if you keep the

commandments, He nourishes you, strengthens you, and provides you means for accomplishing all things necessary to faithfully finish your divine mission here on earth. (Gene R. Cook, “Trust in the Lord”, Ensign, Mar. 1986).


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• C. Adversity can help us return with our families back to Heavenly Father’s presence• It helps us keep our priorities in order

• Harold B. Lee said, “The most important work you will do will be within the walls of your own home” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Harold B. Lee [2000], 134).


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• D. Adversity can help us become wiser stewards• Our resources are a stewardship, not our

possessions. I am confident that we will literally be called upon to make an accounting before God concerning how we have used them to bless lives and build the kingdom (Joe J. Christensen, “Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence,” Ensign, May 1999).


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• What are the principles on which this perspective is based?

a. Ownership: Everything we have is the Lord’s• The Psalmist wrote:

• The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein (Psalms 24:1).

• The Lord is the creator of the earth (Mosiah 2:21), the creator of men and all things (D&C 93:10), the supplier of our breath (2 Nephi 9:26), the giver of our knowledge (Moses 7:32), the provider of our life (Mosiah 2:22), and the giver all we have and are (Mosiah 2:21).

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b. Stewardship: We are stewards over all that the Lord has, is, or will share with us• The Lord said:

• Thou shalt be diligent in preserving what thou hast, that thou mayest be a wise steward; for it is the free gift of the Lord thy God, and thou art his steward (D&C 136:27).

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c. Agency: The gift of “choice” is man’s most precious inheritance• President David O. McKay wrote:

• Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God’s greatest gift to man.… Freedom of choice is more to be treasured than any possession earth can give (Conference Report, Apr. 1950, p. 32; italics added).

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d. Accountability: We are accountable for every choice we make• The Lord stated:

• For it is required of the Lord, at the hand of every steward, to render an account of his stewardship, both in time and in eternity (D&C 72:3).

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2. Hold Fast to your Covenants• We have made many covenants with God

• A covenant is an agreement between God and man whose terms are set by God • God has promised that if we keep our part of the

covenants, we can know He will keep His part• We must hold fast to God’s promises by keeping

our covenants

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Hold Fast to your Covenants (continued)

• What covenants have we made?• At baptism we covenanted to always remember

Him • He has promised us that if we do we will have

His spirit to be with us• In temple ordinances we covenanted to obey his

laws and keep his commandments in • If we remain faithful, we become inheritors not

only of the celestial kingdom but of exaltation, the highest glory within the heavenly kingdom, and we obtain all the divine possibilities God can give (D&C 132:20).

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• We need strong Christians who can persevere against hardship, who can sustain hope through tragedy, who can lift others by their example and their compassion, and who can consistently overcome temptations. We need strong Christians who can make important things happen by their faith and who can defend the truth of Jesus Christ against moral relativism and militant atheism. What is the source of such moral and spiritual power, and how do we obtain it? The source is God. Our access to that power is through our covenants with Him (Elder Todd Christofferson, “The Power of Covenants, Ensign, April 2009).

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• I testify that in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is found the priesthood authority to administer the ordinances by which we can enter into binding covenants. . . .God will keep His promises with you as you honor your covenants with Him (Elder Todd Christofferson, “The Power of Covenants, Ensign, April 2009).

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3. Understand Where You Are• We must understand where we are financially

• The Lord said to the prophet Joseph Smith:• Organize yourselves; prepare every needful

thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God (D&C 88:119).

• Organization is even more critical now• Understand all your financial assets,

retirement assets, and liabilities• Understand your current and potential

sources of income 20

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Understand Where You Are (continued)

• Financial Assets• Find out all common financial assets including:

• Joint bank and savings accounts• Joint brokerage and other accounts• Insurance papers and accounts• Real estate documents• Other pay on death (POD) accounts• Money lent to friends and family

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• Retirement assets• Determine retirement amounts

• Determine amounts in qualified retirement accounts, such as 401k and 403b accounts

• Determine amounts in Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs), such as IRAs and Roth IRAs

• You don’t have to make any decisions now, but find out where those assets are and the amounts in those accounts

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• Liabilities• Find out all liabilities which are legally yours

• Find out all joint liabilities which you are responsible for

• Determine amounts remaining on your home mortgage and other properties

• Keep copies of all documents and debts• Remember that unless your name is on the

account, your are not responsible for a deceased spouses debts

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• Current income• Determine what you earn each month if you are

working• How much goes to taxes, and how much do you

bring home each month• If you will need to begin working

• How many hours could you work each week• How much potentially could you bring home

each week after taxes and insurance

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• Social Security• Determine benefits available to you through

government plans, such as Social Security (SS) depending on your age• Understand the Social Security system and the

benefits you might receive through:• Retirement• Disability• Survivors• Medicare

• You can find our your benefits at www.ssa.gov25

http://www.ssa.gov/

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• The key is to understand all your assets and liabilities and your current and potential sources of income• Understand your assets, which may be necessary to

help you to live on • Understand your liabilities, which are debts you

need to discharge• Understand all sources of income, including work,

Social Security and other government programs• All of these are critical pieces in the need to

“organize yourselves: prepare every needful thing” (D&C 88:119) 26

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• Create a “love note” for your children• Powers of attorney (for husband and wife)

• Conventional, Durable, Living Will, and Advanced Medical Directives

• Documents for your Safe Deposit Box • Wills and trusts Organ donor

info.• Birth/death certificates Probate records• Citizenship papers/passports Real Estate deeds• Marriage certificate Durable Powers • Personal loan documents, service/warranties• Obituary and funeral instructions • Investment, insurance, and tax records

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4. Give Every Dollar a Name• You will need to be even more organized with

your finances• Critical to this is that you give every

dollar a name• You must learn to develop and live on

a budget if you are not already doing so

• A budget is critical if you are to live within your income

• It is also a commandment of God28

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Give Every Dollar a Name (continued)

• President Spencer W. Kimball counseled:• Every family should have a budget. Why, we

would not think of going one day without a budget in this Church or our businesses. We have to know approximately what we may receive, and we certainly must know what we are going to spend. And one of the successes of the Church would have to be that the Brethren watch these things very carefully, and we do not spend that which we do not have (Conference Report, April 1975, pp. 166-167).

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• What is a Budget?• It is the single most important tool in helping us

attain our personal goals. It is a tool—just like a hammer or a nail• It is the process of planning your spending

• It’s making sure your resources are used for the things that matter most—your personal goals

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Budgeting: The Old Way

Available for Savings

Personal Goals

Income ExpensesTithing

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Budgeting: The Better Way

Income Expenses

Personal Goals

OtherSavings

Pay the Lord

PayYourself

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Elder L. Tom Perry taught this when he said:• After paying your tithing of 10 percent to the Lord,

you pay yourself a predetermined amount directly into savings. That leaves you a balance of your income to budget for taxes, food, clothing, shelter, transportation, etc. It is amazing to me that so many people work all of their lives for the grocer, the landlord, the power company, the automobile salesman, and the bank, and yet think so little of their own efforts that they pay themselves nothing (L. Tom Perry, “Becoming Self-Reliant,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 64).

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• Elder Marvin J. Ashton stated:• Some claim living within a budget takes the

fun out of life and is too restrictive. But those who avoid the inconvenience of a budget must suffer the pains of living outside of it. The Church operates within a budget. Successful business functions within a budget. Families free of crushing debt have a budget. Budget guidelines encourage better performance and management (italics added, Marvin J. Ashton, “It’s No Fun Being Poor,” Ensign, Sept. 1982, 72).

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5. Watch Out for “Well-meaning” Advice• Be careful with “unsolicited financial advice”

• Many, including family, friends, and others you did not know, will come to you selling financial products and advice• They do this, not because they are thoughtful or

that these are good deals for you, but because they are good deals for them

• Be careful• A bit of personal financial advice

• Don’t mix insurance and investments• Insurance is not your best investment and

investment is not your best insurance—keep these two separate

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Watch Out (continued)

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• Beware the agency problem• Always ask with any financial product: “How

much are you getting paid from this sale, including what the company will pay you?”• With many permanent insurance products, the

sales commissions are huge, up to 120% of first year commissions!

• With many investment products, there are 6-7% commissions or higher with front-end loads• It is hard to get ahead when you pay 7% of

your hard earned money upfront for a sales charge

• Remember you are a steward37

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• If someone tries to sell you financial or insurance products• Tell them:

• “Thank you for your concern. Let me study it out and learn more about it. If I have any questions, I will call you. Please do not call me”

• Then when you are ready and have learned sufficient to make a good decision, work with a trusted financial advisor that you are comfortable with to accomplish your goals

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6. Stand in Holy Places• Stand in holy places

• Keep doing the things you should be doing and being in the places you should be in• Spend time in the temple serving others• Spend time doing your family history (and

making it as well)• Spend time serving in your ward callings• Spend time doing your home and visiting

teaching• Continue being an example of what the gospel

does in peoples lives• Help to hasten the work of the Lord 39

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Holy Places (continued)

• Only go to places where you can feel the Spirit• If you would not have gone to those places before,

don’t go now• Continue being the example to your family and

friends of one who listens to and follows the Spirit

• Continue making your home a “holy place”• Remember your purpose to help your children

and their families return to Heavenly Father’s presence

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7. Leave Your Adult Children Alone• I know you love all your children, but leave

your adult children alone financially• Many adult children seek financial help for specific

needs• They assume that the remaining parent has

sufficient funds and they can and will give them without penalty or the need to pay them back

• Teach your children to be responsible adults• Leave your children alone!• You likely do not have the resources to help

them and meet your needs as well41

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Leave Your Children Alone (continued)

• After children become adults, they are responsible for their own financial well-being• You are not responsible for your adult children’s

finances—your adult children are, regardless of how they were raised • Likewise your children are not responsible for

your finances—you are• Parents who continually support their children

financially, will find their children will always need support

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Leave Your Children Alone (continued)

• When children (and others) come seeking money, offer encouragement and counsel:• “I feel really sad that you are in this predicament.

However, I am confident that as you pray and seek guidance from the Lord that you will be inspired to know what to do to solve this problem.”• Put the responsibility where it belongs—on them• Express confidence in their ability to solve their

problems by themselves• Encourage them to solve their problems with the

help of the Lord• You do not have the resources to solve every one of

your adult children’s problems43

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8. Start Saving Now• Start saving now

• The best time to start saving was 20 years ago• The second best time to start saving is today

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Start saving now• Think through your goals

• If you want to get out of debt, have an adequate retirement, and save for education and missions for yourself and children (or whatever the goal), you must start now!• You must think long-term now

• “Let the solemnities of eternity rest on your mind” (D&C 43:34)

• You cannot put off saving • Time value of money takes just that--time• The Law of the Harvest is still in effect

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9. Take Responsibility for Your Learning• Take responsibility for your learning and your

finances• Our goal is to be wise stewards over the things God

has blessed us with• The prophet Malachi said:

• Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, . . . and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven (Malachi 3:10, 3 Nephi 24:10).

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Take Responsibility (continued)

• The prophet Malachi promised that God will open the windows of heaven• However, there is no promise that the windows of

heaven will be financial blessings or that paying tithing will eliminate all our financial problems• We still are stewards over what we have and are,

and must learn to live in this increasingly challenging financial world

• We have been commanded to “seek learning, even by study and by faith” (D&C 88:118)

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Interesting statistics:• Average per household debt in the U.S. is $14,500

excluding mortgage debt in 2007• Credit card users pay 12-20% more than cash users• 40% of American families spend more than they earn• The typical family pays $1,200 per year in interest • About 60% of all active credit card accounts are not

paid off monthly• Most couples indicate that finances are a major stress

on their marriagesSource: available upon request

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• How do to you learn to be wise financially?• There are many sources of good information

• It just takes time to sort them out• Let me add two other sources to your list:

• 1. The LDS Provident Living Website• www.providentliving.org, then Family

Finances• 2. The BYU Marriott School of Management’s

Personal Finance website• http://personalfinance.byu.net

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http://www.providentliving.org/

http://personalfinance.byu.net/

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LDS Provident Living Website

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Provident Living: Finances (continued)

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The MSM Personal Finance Website

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www.Personalfinance.byu.edu

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www.Personalfinance.byu.edu

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10. Remember the “Ifs”• Finally, widows and widowers (and everyone else)

should remember the four critical “ifs” as they:• Strive to follow our Savior• Keep His commandments• Learn the lessons God is trying to teach them• Serve others, and• Stand in holy places

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Remember the “Ifs” (continued)

10. Wise stewards remember . . . the “ifs”• Wise stewards remember three critical things

• These are not just the things they must know, but things they must do!

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a. The scriptures make us wise . . . if we learn to read them and obey the commandments

• It is not enough to read the scriptures—we must obey the commandments• O remember, my son, and learn

wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God (Alma 37:35).


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b. The Savior makes us holy . . . if we repent• It is not enough to have a Savior—we must

repent and take advantage of His atonement• For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer

suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him. And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance (D&C 18:11-12).

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c. The storms make us strong . . . if we learn the lessons God wants us to learn

• It is not enough to have a storm—we must learn from them• Nevertheless, . . . thou knowest the greatness of

God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain (2 Nephi 2:2).

• And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them (Ether 12:27).

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• The Brother of Jared knew about storms• When the brother of Jared came to the ocean on his

way to the “promised land,” he had two problems, light and navigation. The Lord helped the brother of Jared with both problems • The Lord touched the stones, which gave light

• He will help and give us “light” as well• The Lord sent the storms, to blow Jared and his

family toward the “promised land”• The storms which He sends to us (like we all

have today) will take us where He wants us to be so we can return and be with Him


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• The Lord is in our storms• He is trying to teach us those things which will take

us to our “promised land,” to return to His presence• If we learn the lessons He is trying to teach us,

we will become stronger, more valiant in the testimony of Christ, more willing and able to serve, and more ready for the next storm

• If we fail to learn the lessons from the storm, then the Lord will need to teach us these lessons some other way

• It may take more and even more severe storms until we learn what we need 61

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• Though times may be tough and the storms intense, we believe a prophet who said:• I testify to you that our promised blessings are

beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith (italics added, Thomas S. Monson, “Be of Good Cheer,” Ensign, May 2009, 92).


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How to Make the Most of the Widows Mite?1. Remember the plan2. Hold fast to your covenants3. Understand where you are4. Give every dollar a name5. Watch out for “well-meaning” advice6. Stand in holy places7. Leave your adult children alone financially8. Start saving now9. Take responsibility for your learning10. Remember the “ifs”

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Summary (continued)

• d. Wise stewards finally know that if they continually strive to obey the Lord’s commandments, and seek to become more like their Savior Jesus Christ, they will come to know, in spite of all the storms, that:

• “For verily, I say unto you, that great things await you” (D&C 45:62).

For great things truly await you as you continue to live, obey, and enjoy this

wonderful gospel of Jesus Christ!64

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