Learning How to Kiss A Learning How to Kiss A FrogFrog

A Presentation Designed for A Presentation Designed for Parents and Families of Middle Parents and Families of Middle

School StudentsSchool Students

Katherine Kennedy

Presentation Goals & Presentation Goals & ObjectivesObjectives

• Help parents and/or families better Help parents and/or families better understand their adolescent childunderstand their adolescent child

• Familiarize parents and/or families to Familiarize parents and/or families to our middle school program our middle school program

• Provide parents and/or families with Provide parents and/or families with information and resources to better information and resources to better help them understand adolescencehelp them understand adolescence

Adolescence: When Did It Adolescence: When Did It Happen?Happen?

““It seems as though it happened overnight.”It seems as though it happened overnight.” – She used to tell me everything! Now she spends She used to tell me everything! Now she spends

hours in her room on the telephone or online. hours in her room on the telephone or online. – My son used to love going places and doing things My son used to love going places and doing things

with me, and now all he wants is a ride and to be with me, and now all he wants is a ride and to be dropped off at a friend’s house. dropped off at a friend’s house.

– My daughter and her girlfriends spend hours My daughter and her girlfriends spend hours “doing makeup” and trying on clothes. And now, “doing makeup” and trying on clothes. And now, my daughter can’t seem to go anywhere alone…. my daughter can’t seem to go anywhere alone…. she and her friends seem to walk in packs…..she and her friends seem to walk in packs…..

Adapted from James P. Garvin’s book, Adapted from James P. Garvin’s book, Learning How to Kiss a FrogLearning How to Kiss a Frog

Do those concerns sound Do those concerns sound familiar?familiar?

Do you have concerns or other Do you have concerns or other questions about your adolescent questions about your adolescent child?child?

Do you need answers?!Do you need answers?!

What’s a Frog?What’s a Frog?

Frog: (n) Youngsters betweenFrog: (n) Youngsters betweenthe ages of eleven and fifteenthe ages of eleven and fifteen

During these years, adolescents are:During these years, adolescents are:– Going through an awkward periodGoing through an awkward period– Behaving inconsistentlyBehaving inconsistently– Intensely curiousIntensely curious– Preoccupied with selfPreoccupied with self– Experiencing mood swingsExperiencing mood swings– Needing to feel competent and autonomousNeeding to feel competent and autonomous

This is the result of critical physical, This is the result of critical physical, intellectual, social and emotional intellectual, social and emotional

development, not of poor parenting or development, not of poor parenting or schooling!schooling!

So What Can You Do?So What Can You Do?

During this period, parents and/or families MUST:During this period, parents and/or families MUST:

• understand the major changes occurring understand the major changes occurring

• help these youngsters develop to their fullest help these youngsters develop to their fullest and brightest potentialand brightest potential

This is NOT an easy time for your child, and it This is NOT an easy time for your child, and it is crucial to your youngster’s development that is crucial to your youngster’s development that

you…you…

LEARN HOW TO KISS A FROG!LEARN HOW TO KISS A FROG!

Preparing for “Frogness”Preparing for “Frogness”

• No hugs and kisses in public! That could be the No hugs and kisses in public! That could be the kiss of death for your frog!kiss of death for your frog!

• Frogs like to feel as if they are in “control” of their Frogs like to feel as if they are in “control” of their parents when other frogs are around.parents when other frogs are around.

• A frog’s lily pad, his/her bedroom, is very A frog’s lily pad, his/her bedroom, is very important and only other frogs are allowed to important and only other frogs are allowed to enter.enter.

• Frogs generally aren’t hiding anything; they just Frogs generally aren’t hiding anything; they just see you (parents/families) differently!see you (parents/families) differently!

• It is not cool to see parents/families as confidants, It is not cool to see parents/families as confidants, although they still need your approval!although they still need your approval!

Frogness…Frogness…

• Frogs gather in groups and walk in Frogs gather in groups and walk in “herds”. Rarely will you find a frog walking “herds”. Rarely will you find a frog walking alone, unless it is absolutely necessary.alone, unless it is absolutely necessary.

• These youngsters will do almost anything These youngsters will do almost anything to avoid embarrassment and ridiculeto avoid embarrassment and ridicule

• Adolescents need to be accepted by their Adolescents need to be accepted by their peerspeers

• Frogs do not want to be different, but Frogs do not want to be different, but would rather be like their frog friendswould rather be like their frog friends

Frogs…Frogs…• Live in an imaginary world which revolves Live in an imaginary world which revolves

around them, they experience intense around them, they experience intense egocentrism.egocentrism.

• Tend to spend a long time in the front of Tend to spend a long time in the front of mirrors or any object that reflects their image.mirrors or any object that reflects their image.

• Are influenced by other frogs more than any Are influenced by other frogs more than any other person on a daily basis.other person on a daily basis.

• Care about the world and other issues, Care about the world and other issues, although they sometimes act as if the world is although they sometimes act as if the world is unimportant and dull.unimportant and dull.

• Are intensely curious!Are intensely curious!

The Growing Pains of FrogsThe Growing Pains of Frogs• May develop a hand-eye coordination problem.May develop a hand-eye coordination problem.• Experience growth of arms and legs first, then Experience growth of arms and legs first, then

hands and feet—making them look and feel hands and feet—making them look and feel clumsy!clumsy!

• Tailbones are Tailbones are ossifyingossifying—ouch that hurts and —ouch that hurts and makes them squirm!makes them squirm!

• Drag their feet around because their feet “feel Drag their feet around because their feet “feel heavy”heavy”

• May fall asleep at any time from inactivityMay fall asleep at any time from inactivity• Have varying rates of maturityHave varying rates of maturity

How can we help our frogs?How can we help our frogs?• Tell your frog you love them! Tell your frog you love them!

– Those are powerful wordsThose are powerful words– You may not receive a warm responseYou may not receive a warm response– It will help them through this awkward stage!It will help them through this awkward stage!

• Be a positive role modelBe a positive role model– Frogs often emulate the behavior of adultsFrogs often emulate the behavior of adults– Provide them with consistent positive examplesProvide them with consistent positive examples

• Show them that it’s okay to be uniqueShow them that it’s okay to be unique• Always be honest!Always be honest!• Provide genuine praiseProvide genuine praise• Be a good listenerBe a good listener• Continue to give them advice…even if they don’t Continue to give them advice…even if they don’t

seem to be listeningseem to be listening

How does our middle school How does our middle school program approach frogs?program approach frogs?• Positive school climatePositive school climate• An integrated team approachAn integrated team approach

– Teams are the “family” away from home!Teams are the “family” away from home!– Cooperative planningCooperative planning

• Curriculum based on adolescent needsCurriculum based on adolescent needs– Integrated/ interdisciplinary unitsIntegrated/ interdisciplinary units– Cooperative learningCooperative learning– Varied instructional strategiesVaried instructional strategies– Variety of performance-based assessmentsVariety of performance-based assessments

• Flexible EnvironmentFlexible Environment– Block schedulingBlock scheduling– Hands-on activitiesHands-on activities– Heterogenous Classroom groupingHeterogenous Classroom grouping

How does our middle school How does our middle school program approach frogs? program approach frogs? (continued)(continued)• Advisor/Advisee ProgramAdvisor/Advisee Program• Unified Development ProgramsUnified Development Programs

– Art programArt program– Chorus, band, music lessonsChorus, band, music lessons– Intramurals/Sports teams and PE/Health programIntramurals/Sports teams and PE/Health program– Character-building Exploratory SessionsCharacter-building Exploratory Sessions– Other after-school clubs and activitiesOther after-school clubs and activities

• Community InvolvementCommunity Involvement– YMCA/Boys & Girls Club ActivitiesYMCA/Boys & Girls Club Activities

Online Resources for Online Resources for ParentsParents

The following websites have excellent information and advice forThe following websites have excellent information and advice forparents and families of the middle school student.parents and families of the middle school student.

New England League of Middle Schools – Parent PageNew England League of Middle Schools – Parent Pagehttp://www.nelms.org/parentroom.htmlhttp://www.nelms.org/parentroom.html

SAMHSA’s child, adolescent, and family resourcesSAMHSA’s child, adolescent, and family resources http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/cmhs/ChildrensCampaign/parents.asphttp://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/cmhs/ChildrensCampaign/parents.asp

MiddleWeb’s Parent and Community resourcesMiddleWeb’s Parent and Community resources http://www.middleweb.com/mw/resources/MWRpublic.htmlhttp://www.middleweb.com/mw/resources/MWRpublic.html

National Education Association’s help for parentsNational Education Association’s help for parentshttp://www.nea.org/parents/index.htmlhttp://www.nea.org/parents/index.html

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services-Administration for Children and U.S. Department of Health and Human Services-Administration for Children and FamiliesFamilieshttp://www.ncfy.com/Parents.htmhttp://www.ncfy.com/Parents.htm

Teen Health Issues Teen Health Issues http://www.albany.edu/~ph8543/pathfinder.htmlhttp://www.albany.edu/~ph8543/pathfinder.html

Literary Resources for Literary Resources for ParentsParents• National Middle School Association’s National Middle School Association’s

– This We Believe: Successful Schools for Young This We Believe: Successful Schools for Young AdolescentsAdolescents

– Research and Resources in Support of This We BelieveResearch and Resources in Support of This We Believe

• National Coalition for Parent Involvement in National Coalition for Parent Involvement in Education’sEducation’sSchool-Family Partnerships for Children’s SuccessSchool-Family Partnerships for Children’s Success

• James Garvin’sJames Garvin’sLearning How to Kiss a FrogLearning How to Kiss a Frog

Reference ListReference List

Garvin, J. (1994). Garvin, J. (1994). Learning how to kiss a frog. Learning how to kiss a frog. Topsfield, MA: New England League of Middle Topsfield, MA: New England League of Middle Schools.Schools.

National Middle School Association, (2003). National Middle School Association, (2003). This we This we believe: Successful schools for young adolescentsbelieve: Successful schools for young adolescents, , Westerville, OH: Author.Westerville, OH: Author.

Schurr, S.L., Thomason, J. & Thompson, M. Schurr, S.L., Thomason, J. & Thompson, M. (Lounsbury, J.H. eds), (1996). (Lounsbury, J.H. eds), (1996). Teaching at theTeaching at the middle levelmiddle level. Lexington, MA: D. C. Heath and . Lexington, MA: D. C. Heath and Company.Company.

Thank You!Thank You!

Now go and kiss your frog!Now go and kiss your frog!

(in private, of course…)(in private, of course…)