LEARNING TO DEVELOP

OUR SOCIAL SKILLS

The ongoing physical, mental, emotional, and social changes make young people lose confidence

in their own skills.

Youth is a life stage where it becomes necessary to help young people strengthen their abilities so

that they can take control over their life and tackle the difficulties they face with self-confidence.

In this context, it is key to work and boost the development of skills such as listening, verbal and

non-verbal expression and communication in general as a tool to enhance their ability to define

problems, to opt in for the best solutions and to put them into practice.

Through this workshop, which has been developed under the Active Progress Project, we seek to

generate a curiosity and interest in young people to get to know themselves better in the way they

communicate, make decisions, etc.

We would like those young people to know themselves better and to become aware of the fact

that the greater the self-awareness the broader the range of options and possibilities that opens

up for them.

SOCIAL SKILLS What is it about? Social skills are the behaviours that we show when we relate to others, while expressing our feelings, attitudes, opinions, and rights. These skills help us relate to other people and the environment around us. They are closely linked to the way we think and feel. They are the appropriate behaviours to achieve a particular goal in a given situation.

But…………what are they for? Working our social skills will give us confidence and facilitate our relationship with others. Social skills will enable us to start and sustain a conversation and will prove highly useful in tackling conflicts effectively and confidently. In summary, social skills will help us achieve greater success in personal relationships while always defending the rights of the others.

What happens if we lack social skills? -We will be limited in our communication with other people -We will have difficulty in performing basic activities by ourselves -We will not be able to express our feelings -And… we may enter into conflict with friends/family as we are unable to resolve some situations.

A. Basic social skills 1.- Listening 2.- Starting a conversation 3.- Sustaining a conversation 4.- Asking a question 5.- Thanking 6.- Introducing one self 7.- Introducing one self to other people 8.- Making a compliment

B. Advanced social skills 1.- Asking for help 2.- Participating 3.- Giving instructions 4.- Following instructions 5.- Apologizing 6.- Convincing the others

C. Feelings-related social skills 1.- Being aware of your own feelings 2.- Expressing your feelings 3.- Understanding other people’s feelings 4.- Confronting the other person’s anger 5.- Expressing affection 6.-Resolving fear 7.- Self-rewarding

D. Negotiation-oriented social skills 1.- Asking for permission 2.- Sharing 3.- Extending help to others 4.- Negotiating 5.- Using self-control 6.- Defending your personal rights 7.- Responding to practical jokes 8.- Avoiding problems with people 9.- Not engaging into fights

E. Planning-oriented social skills 1.- Taking initiatives 2.- Discerning the causes of a problem 3.- Setting an objective 4.- Gathering information 5.- Resolving problems based on their level of importance 6.- Making a decision

What social skills do I need?

Different situations require the use of specific skills. The specificities and the degree of difficulty of each situation should be taken into account. Social skills can be divided in several groups, such as basic and complex. Basic skills are essential to gain and learn further complex and advanced skills.

What are we going to learn? Now, we will work three basic skills that will help us handle some aspects in our life and environment appropriately:

ASSERTIVENESS

DECISION-MAKING

COMMUNICATION

Communication:

A. Empathic

B. Active

Group

communication

skills

Assertiveness

ASSERTIVENESS is a social skill that entails self-assurance,

in a manner that considers and respects the rights and

opinions of others while also standing up for your own

rights. It is about having the ability to communicate our

beliefs, feeling and thoughts clearly, openly and directly.

Assertiveness is self-confidence

Assertiveness, same as any other other skills, is an attitude

that can be learned. We are not born assertive, but we are

born with the capacity to learn how to be assertive.

What do we need to be assertive?

Social awareness,

enables us to know

that we are not

alone. We live in

society, we have

duties but we also

have rights.

Self-esteem,

characterized by a

positive image of

the self, and

respect and love

for oneself.

Self-awareness,

brings us closer

to understanding

our limitations.

It is about

becoming aware of

our true needs and

being realistic in

the objectives

that we set for

ourselves.

What do I need to be assertive?

Exercise. Learning to be assertive Exercise 1 Write down in your exercise book: 5 things that you approve of your appearance. We all have nice things. It can be your hair, eyes, ears, hands, feet, height, smile… If you cannot find them by yourself, as a friend or a relative. 5 things that you like of the way you are. It may be your friendliness, listening skills, discretion, generosity, goodness, kindness, perseverance… if nothing comes to mind, think about the things that you like in others and consider to what extent you share those virtues. You are expected to elaborate this list by using the same scale that you would you to assess this traits in a loved one. It is not a problem if at the beginning, you don’t believe this 100% Go through the list and think that, if you were to meet a person with those traits, you will be definitively pleased to meet that person. Exercise 2 At the end of the day and at least for thirty days in a row, finish the following statements: “Today, I felt good with myself because...” “Today, I dis something good for me when ...” “I like myself more when ...” “I am starting to realize that I have the virtue to ...” “Even though I make a mistake, I realize that...”

We all make decisions all the time, which enables us to control our life but also forces us to be responsible for our actions. Sometimes, making decisions is not easy. We have doubts about the best choice and this may make us feel anxious. At a given point in time, making a wrong decision can distance us from the intended objective.

And you…how do you make your own decisions? - I let myself get carried away. I let the other make decisions for me - I delay my decision making as much as possible - I am an impulsive person. I do whatever passes my mind - I feel that nothing is in my hands: fate or destiny will decide for me - I consider the pros and cons of the various options that I face - I like to have information to make a decision. I search information - I listened to others’ advice. It is always good to listen to other people and to increase my options - I make decisions without consulting anyone. I am always clear about my choice. - I try to take into account the feelings and the situation of the people who may be impacted by my decision - I always reflect first on what I want and how I feel.

DECISION-MAKING

First of all, considering all the options as well as the following aspects: Our feelings (making decisions is not only a rational process but it also involves feelings and emotions) The principles and values that you believe in (all decisions must be consistent with our personal values) Information on the topic (before making a decision, find information about every option) Reflecting…….and communicating in an up-front and clear style.

What we need to make a decision

IT MUST BE REMEMBERED that every

decision has consequences.

Making a choice always means

giving up other

possibilities

2.Delegate our

responsibility to make

decisions to the

other/letting the others

make decisions for

ourselves

We must not:

1.Avoid and delay

the decision until

the last moment

4. Let fear overwhelm us

or make decisions driven

by fear of rejection or

fear of disapproval

3.Let fate or destiny

decide for us

5. Do the first thing that

comes to mind, without

taking into account the

possible consequences

Exercises. How do you make your own decisions? Exercise 1 A) Please, write down on a piece of paper some ideas about the way people make decisions: 1.- let others making decisions for them 2.- consider all the possible options 3.- impulse-driven... B) Now, we would like you to reflect upon the possible risks, advantages, disadvantages and consequences of each of the following :

What is the best way to do it? Model Risk Advantages Disadvantages Consequences Others make decisions for us

Assessing the options

Impulse-driven Asking for help Fate or destiny … … …

Communication

Communication:

A. Empathic

B. Active

Group

communication

skills

Empathic communication means having the skills to actively listen

to our interlocutor, being able to put ourselves into someone else's

shoes, as well as a capacity to effectively communicate our needs,

feelings and wishes … through verbal and non-verbal or body

language.

Communication: A. Empathic B. Active

Listening carefully to

what the others have to

say, trying to understand

what they mean.

Voicing our

thoughts and

feelings

Putting ourselves

into the place of

others, listening

without making

judgments

Showing to the

other/others that we are

listening and following

along (nodding , smiling,

agreeing, showing

gladness or sadness, etc.).

Achieving

empathic

communication

Active listening requires us to clearly show that we are paying attention to our interlocutor.

Active listening signals set the pace of the conversation: we know when to take turns, whether what we

are saying is of interest or not, when we want to encourage the other person to continue speaking ….

Verbal elements help send the message that we’re

listening attentively that we encourage our interlocutor to

continue talking:

-Approval or disapproval sounds : “Ahhh, Ummm…”,etc.

-Affirmative answers: “Absolutely”, “sure”, “I follow you”…

-Summarizing: “that is to say…” “as you mentioned

before...”

-Asking some brief questions to clarify some aspects.

-Empathy: “I can image how you feel”, “I understand

you”…

-Making a reference to some of the interlocutor’s

mentions (repeating his/her name, or the feelings or ideas

articulated by him/her).

Non-verbal elements:

- Direct stance pointing at the

interlocutor

-Attentive facial expression

-Gestures and movements: nod,

smile, touch …

-Mirroring the facial expression

of the person who speaks.

Elements involved in active listening

Don’t carry out any other activity while the other person is speaking Wait until your interlocutor finish to say what he/she has to say. Focus on what the other person is telling you. Don’t make snap judgments: “that is not important”, “that’s nonsense”…

IMPORTANT

We must learn how to introduce ourselves in a group,

joining the group conversation or starting a new

conversation by ourselves.

Verbal elements - Greeting the group members - Saying our name (if we don’t know the people in the group). - Asking other people’s names - If you know the members in the group, in order to start a conversation show interest in others by asking them how they are: “how was your day …? Well, mine was …” -Asking open as well as specific questions : You may make observations on the topic being discussed after listening about it, you may share your opinion, your personal experience or an anecdote. -Avoid conversations in pairs, as they break up the group.

Non-verbal elements - Making eye contact with everyone - Smiling - Modulating the volume and the tone of your voice so that everyone can hear what you say - Approaching and joining the group, avoid being peripheral to it.

Elements involved in group communication

Group

communication

skills

Don’t speak before the others have finish speaking Don’t focus on what you’re going to say so that you don’t listen to the others talking Avoid conversation in pairs and engage in group conversation Don’t change the topic of the conversation abruptly

IMPORTANT

Remember that to start and keep up a group conversation you are not expected

to say anything wonderful or interesting

What matters the most is to have a respectful attitude

towards the others

Exercise. COMMUNICATION Exercise 1. Are you really listening to me? Now it is time to put into practice the lessons learned in the communication section. We say that a person does active listening when s/he is able to listen attentively, to show understanding and to generate empathy (that is to say to see and feel the situation from the other person’s perspective). It may seem easy, as many other things do, but it is not an easy thing to do. The best to learn is to put it into practice repeatedly. Invite a friend to join you this exercise. A) One of you will tell a story that is relative relevant for you and the other will listen; at some stage during the narration, the listener will... … challenge everything that is being said … give advice without having the speaker asking for it ... say “we’ll discuss that later on” ... try to tell a better story ... engage in conversation with a third person whilst the speaker is telling his/her story ... not give any feedback ... be too funny and will mention nonsense after nonsense ... cut the speaker short and change topics … reproach the speaker …look the other way instead of making eye contact with the speaker …answer back with a “why”….” to anything said to him/her …laugh for no apparent reason …feel offended and upset for everything that the other person says to him/her …finally make the speaker to keep quiet

B) One of you will tell the other person a problem that you want to resolve. The other person will listen and... …ask for clarifying questions …tell the speaker that s/he knows how s/he is feeling ...congratulate the speaker ...make eye contact and nod his/her head ...appreciate the positive things that the speaker is saying What is the most positive attitude? In what situation do our listening and communication skills show? It is up for us to decide.

Thank you very much