Life of a

Interesting Conversations with

Clients

I sometimes moonlight as a freelance I.T consultant as do several of my friends and the following are transcripts of conversations with memorable clients.

Some clients leave your jaw on the floor others just leave you with a blank stare while others make you wonder if its worth it.

QuestionsClient: Can I only view my website through the internet?-------------------------------------------------------------Client: Why should we pay you for the website when you asked us for information to put on the site?-------------------------------------------------------------Client: Can you make the white background whiter?-------------------------------------------------------------Why should I pay you when you are a free lancer?-------------------------------------------------------------Will the website be web based?-------------------------------------------------------------Can we meet at home? that’s where I keep my internet.

Clear Website

Client: I want the background of my website to be clear

Designer: No problem, do you want it to be white or maybe have a semi transparent image?

Client: No I want to be able to see through my computer screen to the other side

IP addressing made simple

Client: I don’t know what's wrong but I cant access the internet, I’ve tried everything even changing the IP address

Immediately sensing this might be the problem I politely asked

Me: How did you change the IP address?

Client: I cancelled the number on the modem thingy and wrote another one there.

Links vs viruses

During a phone conversation with a client to update him on the site that was being developed.

Me: I’ll send you a link to the development site so that you can see it and if you need anything changed you can communicate.

Client: I don’t like clicking on links they usually contain viruses can you send a pdf?

Customer is always right???

Client: This site you designed is rubbish the year planner wont accept the date I am putting in.

Designer: Maybe it’s a format error, What date is that?

Client: 31st November 2014

Designer: Uhmm That is not a valid date sir.

Client: (sounding agitated) Don’t tell me because its in the future ,I thought that was the whole idea behind a planner. Its an annual event and a very important one to me so if I cant put it on the planner then its useless.

Designer: Sir November only has 30 days and always has.

Client: Since when? You should have put a note on the side to avoid such situations

Keyboards

An elderly man from church asked me to teach him basics of a computer as he had no clue I started from the beginning and explained the different components when I showed him the keyboard he got excited and interrupted me saying…

Client: Oh I think I will be very good at this computer stuff, I play the piano so I guess a keyboard will be easy.

Touch Screen or TabletA man gets a new computer and has a freelancer set it up with software after the freelancer leaves he receives a phone call

Client: my mouse is not working come back and sort it out

Freelancer: (tries the mouse and it moves) Ok it seems fine

Client: great, thanks for your help.

As freelancer approaches the door.

Client: Hey, come back its stopped again

Freelancer: (tries it and its fine) It seems fine show me exactly how you were using it?

Client: (sits and touches the pointer on the screen and frantically tries to drag it) See nothing happens.

Freelancer: (Holding back serious laughter) Its not touch screen

Client: that’s disappointing, Is it even a tablet?

Set Apart

A developer quoted a client $1500 for development and hosting of a site.

Client: Son there is a lot of competition out there cant you do this for like $300? I know a lot of developers who will jump at a chance to make an easy $300.

Developer: Sir I assure you my prices are very competitive but if you can find anything cheaper and trust their quality I suggest you go for it.

Client: But so far I cant find anyone willing to do it for less than $1500. This is what will set you apart from the competition.

404 Page not found

A Client decided he would develop his own website but wanted my friend to host it for him and just provide general consultation.

Client: I keep being taken to a 404 not found page when I click this link can you fix it?

Developer: sure what’s it supposed to link to?

Client: Oh, I haven't created that page yet.

I need this by Thursday

Client: I need this by Thursday

Developer: No problem I can get it to you by Wednesday

Client: No not Wednesday that’s too late I need it by Thursday

Developer: Yes and I meant I would get it to you earlier than Thursday

Client: And I meant I need this by Thursday

Developer: Ok then I will send it next Thursday

Client: Why would you do that when I need it this Thursday

Developer: Uh Sir today is Thursday

Client: Exactly, which makes me wonder why you are wasting time arguing with me.

Question

A couple days after configuring a server for a client and installing exchange server.

Client: Hey my business mail isn't working in outlook today

Me: Ok is it working when you open it through the browser?

Client: I don’t know, Our internet connection is down

Me: That’s why then, you need internet for email

Client: But outlook doesn’t open with internet explorer.

Flash can kill

In developing a site for a creative agency I decided to add flash and CSS drop down menus and this was the clients response.

Client: This might be ok for teenagers but some of our clients are over 70 years this could shock them or give them a heart attack.

Dumb comments and QuestionsThe phone number field should be mandatory unless the client doesn’t have a phone----------------------------------------------------------------How will anyone know these are links? they don’t light up when I hover my finger over them on my iPad. They are just underlined and blue----------------------------------------------------------------On the back Page it says presentation slides to be added, Is something going to be added there?--------------------------------------------------------------Can you center the phone number field and change the font to caps?---------------------------------------------------------------Can you put the text in black? I know the background is black but I just want to see how it will look.----------------------------------------------------------------When there is a power outage can you program my computer to show a message that it has lost power.

Search Thingy

Client: I need a search thingy like Google can you handle that?

Developer: Yes but it will take some time and it will cost you about XXXXX

Client: What? Why should it cost so much and take time? Google is a 2 page site one for search and one for results how long can that take?

Developer: Sir there is more to Google than that most of which goes on in the background

Client: I’ve lost faith in you I will find a more advanced developer

How does I.T make you feel?