lifepartnerquest coach orientation informationgetrcimedia.com/members/lctmod5yourcoachingstyl… ·...

Module V: Your Coaching Style – Student Manual© 2013 Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved / www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

Rev 10/12 Page 0

http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/

RCILife Coach Foundations

Module V:Your Coaching Style

Student ManualCopyright © 2013 Relationship Coaching Institute

All rights reserved.

No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any formor by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Relationship Coaching Institute1-888-268-4074

www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com


Rev 10/12 Page 1


TABLE OF CONTENTS Page__

INTRODUCTION AND WELCOME FROM INSTRUCTOR 3

PART 1. STYLE, TONE, PITCH, LANGUAGE AND OTHERTHINGS THAT CAN MESS UP YOUR CONNECTION 4

PART 2. VALUES ASSESSMENT 10


Rev 10/12 Page 2


INTRODUCTION FROM YOUR INSTRUCTOR

Welcome!

This final Module in the Coaching Foundations program is one that takes a personal turn. It's still about your coaching, but it's highlighting a specific intersection where your coaching skills meet your personal authenticity.

Why? Because at the end of the day you can learn a hundred techniques, but you still have to 'wear' them authentically in each coaching session. The words must wrap your tongue like velvet, the methods, steps, and assessments that you use must have meaning to you. You must believe in them.

At the end of this segment we're going to explore how you can, very authentically, fine tune your coaching instrument for maximum impact. We're also going to deepen the connection to, and your clarity about, how being a professional coach suits your values and life fulfillment.

Sit back, and get ready for some 'tailoring' to get the 'fit' of your coaching style just right!

See you in Class!

Yours in Success

Coach Terri Hase, PCC / IAC-CC / Certified Life Strategist


Rev 10/12 Page 3


PART ONE

STYLE, TONE, PITCH, LANGUAGEAND OTHER THINGS THAT CAN MESS UP YOUR CONNECTION

All the coaching skill in the world doesn't prepare you to 'present' yourself. And make no mistake, every time you speak, and that includes coaching sessions, you are presenting!

We're going to focus on 7 things to help you clean up your coaching style, by cleaning up your communication style. We're going to practice using, and being aware of your Tone, Pace, Inflection, Articulation, Pitch, and developing your sense of Timing, Handling Your Nerves and Managing Your Energy.

It's a lot like learning to drive. You learn the rules and basics first. Then you add passengers, and all the tricks for handling unique and challenging driving conditions. So far you've investing in the basic, and foundational skills of coaching. Now, we're going to invest some time in presenting yourself while you use them.

So, Let's Begin – And We Begin With YOU!

First, get into the zone and calm any nerves. Being centered and calm takes practice like anything else. The nervous state is born from a belief about the risk, (real or consequential), involved with the act. In this case seeing the client, or slipping on the headset. It truly doesn't even matter so much what the belief is! I know this flies in the face of every psychological and coaching principle in the world, but it's true. While there is value in exploring the thought behind the fear, more often than not the fear simply dissipates with experience. So if you're nervous because you fear everyone pointing and laughing because you had that happen as a child, and every time you think of it you get flashbacks and cold sweats, understanding that can help. However, speaking four or five times without anyone braking in uproarious hoots and hollers, often sufficiently proves the fear invalid, or at the very least a TINY risk in reality, and this will allow the fear to evaporate. Practice can make fear obsolete.

Also, don't confuse anxiousness with fear, they are different. Anxiousness can be a very healthy sense of the importance of your message or the ramifications of your client taking your suggested actions to heart. In fact, energy around the message you're carrying is often a good sign you're dialed into it with your whole heart. Energy around your personal performance, that's often more fear based.

All that said, here are just a few tips, techniques and frame works to consider when getting yourself centered and expanding your coaching style.


Rev 10/12 Page 4


Perfect the first 25% of your session. After the initial prep work, go back and focus deeply on the first few minutes. Fear and nervousness often is worst at the beginning of any presentation, and gradually ebbs off as you experience a few minutes of success. Prepare the whole session and relationship, but if nerves are present, perfect the first 25% to boost your confidence and by yourself a little while to calm down.

Turn on the lights. Your dark thoughts often lose their power in the light of day. Take the time to write down your deepest fears and then test them for reality. You can also create back up plans, which is another great way to take away their power.

So, if you fear the client laughing at you? Think it through...has this ever happened to anyone you know? To you, within your adult years, that someone who hired you for your services laughed at you? Does this group/person have that kind of reputation? What would you do if they did – seriously, get a game plan. One coach, when stumbling horribly and eliciting an awkward silence from the client, began to speak about that exact occurrence being their worst nightmare. He was able to then draw points about how overcoming fear to pursue life long dreams was something he wished for the audience. He had a game plan to then connect that thread back to his topic and regain his footing.

Remember your basics and focus on them at all times. Why am I here, what do I want as an outcome, how does this work connect to my values? Concentrate on what you want to experience and why. Release fretting about the 'how'. How is always less important than why, so if you're going to worry about something, worry about what REALLY matters.

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare. Practice coaching as often as possible, practice using your tech tools, practice writing on flip charts, practice breathing, practice walking to and from the podium, practice with your bridge line and recording equipment. Arrive or dial in WAY early. Bring your necessities with you, if at all possible. Taking the time to prepare well, will assist in building your confidence and reduce the reality of things slipping through the cracks.

In groups, Teleclasses and Presentations, Anchor's away! It's always easier to speak to a friendly face or to know that there is a 'ringer' on the teleclass who will jump in to ask or answer questions. It can provide an anchor to help keep you grounded. No matter the type of event you're planning or presenting at, it's likely you can plant an anchor person or two in the midst of the other participants. Work out in advance with your anchor the types of interactions and support you feel you might need. Give them advance copies of your presentation and a few suggested questions.

If planting a friend or colleague isn't possible, be sure to spend extra time before the presentation making a few new friends. Get their names and even ask permission to call on them because you feel they are well spoken and would add to the discussion. Whether you arrive on site early to mingle and get to 'know' a few folks, or chat for a few minutes about the weather or local sports results on your bridge line, having a few friendly anchors always helps calm the nerves.


Rev 10/12 Page 5


Breathe and Feel. Without judgment, begin to pay close attention to your body and all it's sensations. Practice being present with the feelings and breathing through them. There are many techniques to help with this! Yoga, meditation, mindfulness, feeling into the feeling and more. Try a few on and see what works for you. Then, if a nervousness begins to creep in, practice conscious relaxation and breathing to get yourself re-centered and ready to go.

Now that you've given attention to the energy you're showing up with, let's talk about the energy you're giving to the class or audience. Your energy comes through in the form of your body language, voice and tools or aids you choose to use. There is a lot to practice in this arena too.

Making sure that your energy matches with the overall feel of the client or presentation content. Make sure that your energy rises and bends with the flow of the conversation. Sometimes your energy will need to be dialed back around sensitive or introspective moments, and dialed up when reorienting the client, re-charging a lagging session, or rallying a crowd to their feet with excitement.

This requires a sensitivity. This is why an understanding of your client or groups cycle of experience is important, so you can anticipate emotional triggers and moments based on common 'hot buttons' relating to their situation.

How You Sound Plays A Role

It's all about how you say it. Do you like your voice when you hear it on audio or video replay? Have people made comments about the speed or clarity with which you speak? The intricate and subtle details of your voice are critically important. Sure, Fran Drescher had a long running series on TV, but let's be honest. If she wasn't funny and beautiful no one would want to listen to her! Can you imagine her reading you to sleep?

We all know the 'voice'. We've all heard someone speak, and thought to ourselves, “I could listen to them talk all day”! But, what about you? What about your voice? There are numerous aspects to consider when talking about a great speaking voice. The good news is, that with practice, you can become quiet proficient at speaking well, no matter the type of voice you have. Even Ms. Fran Drescher knows how to play her voice to the crowd. If you've ever heard her in an interview you heard a softer, less amped version of her popular 'Nanny' character.


Rev 10/12 Page 6


Below there are several key components to consider, and to practice, to tune up your speaking voice.

TONEA modulation of the voice expressing a particular feeling or mood: a firm tone of voice.

We tell a listener, by our tone of voice, whether we are passionate about our topic. The tone of voice shows our concern for the client and determines in their mind whether or not we are sincere. We may be perceived as dull, even when talking about very important and provocative things!

PITCHThe quality of a sound governed by the rate of vibrations producing it; the degree of highness or lowness of a tone

Monotones are sleep-inducing. Since it's possible to speak in a lively, animated manner without changing pitch, many people don't realize they have this problem. Get a friend to listen to your delivery and give you feedback. Think you can you be honest with yourself? Record yourself and take a listen for yourself!

INFLECTIONThe modulation of intonation or pitch in the voice

It's not only your tone and pitch, but how you "break up" these book-ends of speaking. Questions are asked with an upward pitch at the end of the sentence. Jokes are told with expectation in your voice. You slow down for key points, and stress important words in your sentences. Listen to how people talk - and make certain that when you are speaking, you are talking - NOT orating.

PACEConsistent and continuous speed in moving or speaking

By speaking at different speech rates for short periods, you can add energy and animation to your speech. Try to observe the way you speak during a normal conversation with a friend. You will notice that sometimes you speak quickly and while at other times you slow down. Also, by slowing your speech rate while delivering key points, you can convey emphasis and importance.

ARTICULATEHaving or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently

Articulate your words carefully. We become lazy with our speech habits and we don’t use our tongues, lips, and teeth to clearly articulate the words we speak. Our words run together. If your client or group looks confused - are you certain that they have heard you correctly? It's "How did you" not, "Howdja." Pretend that everyone in the speak to is from a foreign country, avoid colloquialisms and e-nun-ci-ate!


Rev 10/12 Page 7


The bottom line when it comes to the quality of your voice is, playing with it, practicing with it, makes all the difference in the world. Don't assume that what you were born with is what you're stuck with forever. Also, don't believe that a 'nice' voice is enough. Practice! I've always said that in the speaking and presenting game, one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is investing in an improv class. Not only because of the quick speed of improv, which support your confidence to think on your feet, but because of the character development you're encouraged to play outrageously with. This type of activity supports your voice, your body and your mind – check into taking a class for yourself!

About Them:

When speaking to your client or group, knowing that their filter impact what they hear, adds an extra level of complexity. Even if you're masterful, are you also drawing cues from your clients? Everyone has their own preferred learning, or brain, language. Some people default to saying things that represent visual modalities, some auditory, some kinesthetic and some digital. You're likely to hear phrases like, “How does this sound”, mixed with “I see what you mean” in everyday conversation. When you tune your focus however, you are likely to be able to see patterns emerge that are identity specific. You know, that one person in your group who needs to physically do something once or twice before they understand it. Can you recall the friend in school who could read an owners manual and then breeze through like they've been using the machine for years?

Dialing into the power of the using the different learning languages is an essential tool for every presenter. Masterful speakers make sure that their language either fits the audience or includes all the different language for maximum impact. In fact, they may even be heard using different modalities in one sentence! See if this rings a bell or feels like you've heard it before.........get it? 'See' if this 'Rings' a bell.

Not only do we have to consciously have to become practiced at listening for cues that tell us about our client, but we have to overcome our own default too! It's worthwhile to record yourself in a conversation and then listen to the playback to see which learning language you favor. You can also look to how you learn new information and respond to information to uncover your default. Are you drawn to numbers before emotions in an article? Do you need to touch things to 'get' them?


Rev 10/12 Page 8


In this area, learning your learning style and how to connect to other learning styles take practice. Here are some basic examples to help you evaluate the cues you're likely to hear:

Digital Learners:“We have 2 options” / “We can double our productivity” / “First, let me show you the 3 things we did”

Digital learners are number and quantity driven. They are also process driven, “first we did this, then this, then this, and finally this”

Visual Learners:“I see what you mean” / “I can picture that” / “we're heading off into the sunset”

Visual learners paint pictures with their words or make direct references to being able to see or picture things.

Auditory Learners:“I hear you” / “that sounds great” / “tell me all about it”

Auditory learners make references to sounds in their speech patterns. Noises, bells, rings, music, speaking and the like are all words preferred by an auditory learner.

Kinesthetic Learners:“I feel you” / “that must have been a heavy load” / “let's get a handle on this”

Kinesthetic learners relate best to how things feel. Textures such as smooth or rough, feelings such as warm or cold, physical burden such as heavy or light – these are all hallmarks of the kinesthetic language.

While lots of conscious practice will help you master the usage and identification, of learning style language patterns, you can begin with these basics. Investing in the pursuit of mastery in this area not only allows you to tailor your conversations to your specific listeners in advance. but you can also use these tips to make language adjustments on the fly. It's this attention to detail, and stepping into leadership as a communicator, that will truly define your coaching style!


Rev 10/12 Page 9


PART TWO

VALUES ASSESSMENT[Attributed to: Terri Hase & Jean Johnson. Used under license agreement with attribution only.]

Getting clear and confident about your values is a key part in your overall success in life. Fundamentally, this is because we are all at our best and most fully alive when we’re doing things we really care about and believe in. Frankly, that’s why it’s a really good idea to be clear about what you care about and believe!

This assessment is a 3-part process; begin by setting a timer for 30 minutes. Seriously. It’s critical that you don’t let this exercise take too long as you’ll begin to filter and over think your responses. In this case, too much reflection can adversely taint your results. Next, review the list of values, remembering you’re looking at them as things that you value in yourself, life and others. Highlight or mark your top 50. Not selecting something doesn’t mean you don’t value it, it just means you value the things you do select a bit more right now. Move quickly.

When you’ve got your top 50, scan the list for ones you’ve marked that are quite similar to one another. For example, you may have marked, ‘Joy’, ‘Happiness’, and ‘Laughter’. Ask yourself; does one word really sum it up best? Eliminate the duplicates if this is the case. Next, scan the list of marked words again and whittle down to your top 25, then top 10 and finally, top 5.

Now, after that process is done, you can take a few extra minutes to compare the words in your top 10 to make sure you’ve got your selections really accurate for assigning the 1-10 spots. Spending the few extra minutes on the final 10 allows you to really sit with the collection of top responses as opposed to trying to getting lost in the sea of over 370 choices from the initial list. Fill your choices in on the worksheet in the ‘Values I Want To Live By’ column.

For the second part of the assessment, look at the ‘Values I Should Live By’ Column. Enter there any values you believe you’re supposed to have, or values you believe everyone is supposed to have in their ‘top ten’. No judgment, no editing. What do you really think? What have you picked up from your family, media, and peers in this area?

In the last column, ‘What I valued this week’, begin to monitor your time, paying attention to where you invest your time, money and what you lend your voice to. In fact, we encourage you to spend ALL WEEK keeping an eye on where your attention has gone. For this aspect of your exploration, spend 10 minutes each night for a week and journal a bit about who, or what, got your time, money and voice that day. Enter your results on the worksheet.

Now, you can see the similarities and differences between what your heart wants to value, what your head thinks you should value, and what you actually are valuing every day.

Big differences? Everything matchy-matchy? Either way this is often a very eye opening exercise and one to review often as you work towards a life built around your true values. To take a solid first step, begin to really use and focus on the ‘want to’ values as goals. Nurture where they are at play in your life right now and create deliberate ways to include them in your


Rev 10/12 Page 10


day-to-day living.... Starting today!


Rev 10/12 Page 11



Rev 10/12 Page 12



Rev 10/12 Page 13



Rev 10/12 Page 14


lifepartnerquest coach orientation informationgetrcimedia.com/members/lctmod5yourcoachingstyl… ·...

Documents