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Weddings

FEATURES

12 Whats in a name?Weddings are laden with decisions, and in a world where some of the trickierones used to revolve around where the wedding would be held, or large guestlist versus small, it seems another wedding decision women are tackling today isone that comes after the big day itself: To change or not to change their lastname.

16 Acing the love testBrittany Holmes wasnt looking for a love connection when she took an ACTprep class about six years ago, but thats exactly what happened when she metCollin Madding.

18 Wedding traditionsCouples these days might not rely too heavily on luck for their future, but manystill cling to old traditions and customs surrounding weddings. But how much dowe know about the origins of these traditions? Check out what the experts haveto say.

20 Waiting to say I doMore women are focusing on their education and careers and waiting to walkdown the aisle. Find out why it can be worth the wait.

22 Now what?Before you jump headfirst into wedding planning, take some time to think aboutwhat your expectations and budget are for your special day and talk them overwith your fiance and your family members. Then, let the games begin!

COVER STORY

6 Recommitted The Aaron and Janet Potsick family are atestament to the power of love and faith

Table of Contents

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4 LIMITED WEDDINGS 2013

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24 Second time aroundToday, there are no rules in second (or third) wed-dings. That means the lucky couple can do whateverthey see fit.

26 Green and whiteIts not hard to have the wedding or your dreams andstill stay eco-conscious.

28 Flower powerKnow the terminology and what you want before choosing flowers for your wedding and reception.

30 Heres a tipWhen making wedding plans and setting aside thefunds, dont forget to budget in the tips youll needfor certain wedding services.


28

20

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WORDS: Donnette Beckett

he idea of renewing their vowswas something Aaron and JanetPotsick thought about shortly

after their wedding in December 2001.I had always thought it would be fun,said Janet, but somewhere down theroad.

Somewhere down the road came thispast July, when the couple decided totake the plunge again and re-dedicatetheir love and commitment to eachother.

Weve been through a lot morethan most people married longer,Aaron explained.

The Potsicks love story started atLincoln Christian College wherethey met.

At first, Janet said, she wasntready for a relationship. Aaron, on theother hand, said he knew they weremeant to be together.

He will tell you it was somethingabout my eyes, she said. Janet relentedand decided to give the relationshipwith Aaron a try.

Soon after meeting, Janet learned

Aaron had Addisons Disease, an autoim-mune deficiency that affects the adrenalglands. People suffering from the diseasetake longer to recover from sickness andlonger to come out of shock. However,the news didnt worry her.

Im not a fearful person, she said.After dating led to a simple marriage

Health threats and heartachesinspire couple to rededicate

their love

T


the vowenewing R


proposal at a park swing, she decided thedisease was not something that wouldstop her from marrying him.

The couple was married Dec. 22,2001, in a low-key, traditional ceremonyin First Christian Church, Moweaqua.The church was already decorated forChristmas. An uncle played classicalguitar. Traditional vows were read by theminister. The reception was just cakeand punch in the church hall for their300 guests.

We both loved our first ceremony,Aaron said.

After a honeymoon in Hawaii, thecouple settled down into married life.Aaron taught sixth grade at Mary W.French Academy and Janet stayed homewith their children, Isabella ChristineIzzy, born Sept. 8, 2005, and RoxanneErin Roxy, born May 18, 2007.Life continued on a normal track until2009, when the Potsicks world wouldforever change.

While driving through Macon, Aaronhad a seizure. His car traveled over a me-dian without hitting anyone, and the ac-cident took place in front of two policeofficers parked across the street. He wastransported to the hospital in an emptyambulance that happened to be on itsway home. These coincidences haveJanet and Aaron convinced that God waswatching over him.

Aaron was diagnosed with grade fourGlioblastoma, a brain tumor with a sur-vival rate of 6 to 18 months.

They didnt tell me (about the sur-vival rate), they just said to go home andget your affairs in order, said Aaron. Isaid No. Thats not what Im doing. The Potsicks sought a second opinion atPreston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Cen-


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ter at Duke University.Im young, Im healthy; give me what you got, Aaron told

the doctors at Duke. His surgery was on June 2 of that sameyear, a little more than two weeks before the birth of their son,Jonah Micheal, on June 17.

When they diagnosed him, they diagnosed me, Janet said.She read several books and talked to nutritionists regardingbrain tumors. Aaron visited the Back Institute for acupunc-ture, and together, they found the right mixture of health sup-plements to help Aaron through the disease.

Aaron was soon downgraded to a stage three brain tumor,meaning he could survive the illness. Doctors began six weeksof radiation and light chemotherapy, followed by a year of tra-ditional oral chemotherapy. Aaron and Janet prayed over thechemo pill. Weve always done everything as a team, Aaronexplained. During the treatment, Aaron rarely felt sick andwas able to work every day.

What I really wanted sort of surpassed whatever my bodyfelt, Aaron said. What I wanted was to survive and raise mykids.

But, as Aaron was recovering, his daughters were facingtheir own health challenges.

Four months after Aarons surgery, their oldest, Izzy, began



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limping and her foot began to swell. Sixmonths and several hospital visits later,she was diagnosed with juvenile rheuma-toid arthritis. Aaron and Janet decidedagainst medication, one of which wouldhave been chemotherapy. Izzy wentthrough several sessions of physical ther-apy and prayer.

Today, she is an active 7-year-old, butthe disease may still have some side ef-fects.

Almost immediately following Izzysdiagnosis, Roxy suffered a severe headinjury in May 2010 while playing out-side with the family dog. Surgery wasable to correct her skull, which wascracked on both sides. Today, the onlyevidence of her accident is a slight physi-cal defect on one side of her head.

Then, in 2011, Izzy was forced tospend several days in the hospital receiv-ing treatment to cure Clostridium Diffi-cile or C-diff, a bacterial infection.

All of these challenges happened be-fore the Potsicks 10-year anniversary.But in the wake of all of these trials,Aaron and Janet can laugh while remi-niscing over the doctors visits and all

that comes with them.God made it so much better than it

could have been, Janet said. But therewere times when both of us were cry-ing.

The idea of renewing their vows cameup again after Aarons brain surgery, butwas sidelined by other issues the couplehad to deal with.

Even with the continuing doctors vis-its, brain scans and the pressure of rais-ing three children, Aaron and Janetdecided July 18, 2012 would be the day.

They chose a favorite vacation spot inFlorida as the site for their ceremony.Finances were still tight, so Janet con-tacted ParadiseBeachWeddings.net, awedding coordinator promising lowbudget weddings on the beach.

To help cut down the cost, the Pot-sicks renewed their vows during themiddle of the week on a Wednesday inDaytona Beach, Fla., with 15 family andfriends. The brides dress was fromDavids Bridal; the grooms attire wasfrom Wal-Mart; and the attendants weredressed from Gymboree. Everyone, in-cluding the guests, was barefoot.

Izzy and Roxy walked their motherdown the isle to the song All ThatsSweet by Bleach, a song the couplechose for their original wedding, whileJonah stayed with his father at the altar.

After the minister read Scripture andgave a short sermon, communion wasgiven to the song Dancing in the Mind-fields by Andrew Peterson.

This time the couple wrote their ownvows. After all they had been through,they knew what to say.

To end the ceremony, the guests wereinvited to celebrate with Aaron andJanet with Blessings Shells. During theservice, the couple begins by saying ablessing over the marriage and throwingthe shells into the ocean. The gueststhen do the same. A rainbow appearedover the ocean as the Potsicks gueststhrew their shells.

Aaron and Janet invited their gueststo one of their favorite restaurants for apersonal reception. The invitation to thereception was simply, If you want tohang out, come on over.

I wish we would have done our first wedding this way, said Aaron.



WORDS: Nicole Harbour

eddings are laden with deci-sions, and in a world wheresome of the trickier ones used

to revolve around where the weddingwould be held, or large guest list versussmall, it seems another wedding decisionwomen are tackling today is one thatcomes after the big day itself: To changeor not to change their last name.In decades past, the name a woman

went by after she married wasnt so mucha decision as a tradition, or somethingthat was assumed, said Wegi Stewart,president of the Community Foundationof Macon County.When I got married in 1974, I took

my husbands name, said Stewart. Ourgeneration in 1974 was kind of caught inthe middle of two extremes. There was alot of activity in the womens movement,but there was also a strong traditionalistpull. Taking your husbands name waswhat our mothers did, and I came from afamily where the girls didnt have middlenames because it was assumed ourmaiden name would become our middlename when we got married.

Today, however, the last name a womangoes by isnt an assumption its achoice. And in the United States, wheretodays brides-to-be have more optionsthan their great-grandmothers, grand-mothers or mothers did, they are choos-ing what works best for them: Takingtheir husbands name; retaining theirmaiden name professionally while takingtheir husbands name legally; hyphenat-ing; not hyphenating.Kate (Feriozzi) Flemming, who married

her husband, Tyler, in July, said the cou-ple began talking about what theirstances were on last names while theywere dating.Before I met Tyler, I had, in the past,

thought Id keep my (maiden) name,the 24-year-old said. It means a lot tome, but Tyler really wanted me to takehis last name.Flemming said it was a difficult deci-

sion, but after some discussion with Tylerand family members, she was able tomake a choice that she and Tyler werecomfortable with by the time they gotmarried.I decided to make my maiden name

my second middle name, she said.

Flemming is my only last name, butnow Feriozzi is my second middle name.Flemming said her decision allowed her

to have the best of both worlds.Ultimately, I love my husband, and

changing my name to his was importantto him, she explained. I didnt lose myname, since I added it to my middlename, so really there was no change.Associate Judge Lisa Holder White

made the decision to retain her maidenname as a middle name, as well.My father and mother had three

daughters and no sons, so my fathersname was going to end with us, saidHolder White. My decision (to retainHolder as a middle name) was based on away to give a nod to my father for theprofound impact he had on me as a per-son, and Im proud of it.Holder White said her decision made

sense professionally, as well.It (keeping Holder) became more im-

portant to me, as I became a professionalwoman, and I made my decision once Ifinished law school, she said. My hus-band had no problem with it, and itsbeen very positive for me. I think, in thepast, women who kept their names were


You take

W

the manbut do you take his name?

New brides are no more chained to tradition when it comes to that decision



viewed as more strong willed, but I dontthink thats necessarily true today. Itssomething that deviates from a tradi-tional decision, but I dont think itslooked at the same way today.Amanda Black, editor of TheKnot.com,

agreed.I dont think it (a woman keeping her

maiden name) is as big a deal anymore,Black said in a phone interview. I thinkyoull still run into a mother-in-lawwhos traditional and wants everything tobe the same (in terms of last names), butI think there are more people today whorespect women for maintaining theirname and their sepa-rate identity.For Beth Nolan, a fi-

nancial advisor withRaymond James, keep-ing her maiden namewhen she married wasalways the plan.I never really con-

sidered changing myname, said Nolan,whos been married toher husband, JohnLarcher, for more thanfive years. I think onour second date, I evensaid that to John, evenbefore we were think-ing about marriage.Im really connected tomy family and identifywith my familysname, and John wastotally OK with it.Nolan acknowledged

that she wanted to keep her name forprofessional reasons, as well.I was 30 when I got married and was

already established in my career, shesaid. As a financial advisor, I have a lotof things registered in my maiden name,so keeping my name made it easier forme professionally, too.The mother of two children, Nolan said

although her 4-year-old sometimes asksher why she doesnt have the same lastname as she does, and although shesometimes feels she has to justify her de-cision to other people, she doesnt regrether decision.Im really proud of my name, she

said. And today, I think a womansname is a choice, where it wasnt really achoice 20 years ago.Dr. Carol Cohen, a pulmonologist with

Central Illinois Lung Internists, cited herprofessional career as one of the reasonsshe wanted to keep her maiden name.It was an easy decision, Cohen said. I

was already in practice and had gradu-ated from medical school before I gotmarried in 1979, and so I felt like Id al-ready established myself. This was who Iwas.Born and raised in Canada, Cohen said a

woman keeping her maiden name when

she marries is more common in Canadathan it is in the United States.It was so natural in Canada, she ex-

plained. I still have a lot of friends therewho have their maiden names, and in myprofession, its sometimes easier to keepyour maiden name. It wasnt really a bigdeal for me.A professional career doesnt necessarily

dictate whether a woman keeps orchanges her name, however. Dr. MariaGranzotti, chief physician executive at St.Marys Hospital, said taking her hus-bands name when she married was aneasy choice, despite the fact that both ofthem were still establishing their careers

as doctors.We got married right after residency

in 1992, said Granzotti. We were bothindividuals in our own rights, but wewere becoming a family, and we wantedto be a full force together. It was thehonor of being asked to join his family,and it was what I wanted.Heather Kind-Keppel, director of stu-

dent engagement at Richland Commu-nity College, said she believes a womansdecision to keep or change her name ismore respected today than it was indecades past.My mother hyphenated her name in

1971, and I think it was amuch bigger struggle for herthan it is now, said Kind-Keppel, 36, who chose tokeep her parents name whenshe married her husband 11years ago. I think a womankeeping her name has be-come more common today,and for me, keeping myname was a personal choiceand a way to pay homage tomy parents and my grand-parents.Regardless of the options

and alternatives that areavailable for women today,Black said the decision tokeep or change your namecan still be a difficult one.Its still a very hot topic,

said Black. We get a lot ofquestions on our messageboard from women who aretrying to decide what to do

with their name, and we really try togive the best advice we can so they canmake the best decision that fits them.Black noted that when it comes to mak-

ing the decision, open communication iskey.For women who are having a hard time

making the decision, I would definitelysay talk to your future spouse and seewhat he thinks and where he stands onthe issue, Black said, adding that talk-ing to parents and future in-laws can alsohelp. Ultimately, though, it has to be adecision youre comfortable with.



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rittany Holmes never imaginedshed find love studying for theACT, but about six years ago,

thats exactly what happened when the22-year-old met her future fiance, CollinMadding.

We met in an ACT prep class at Mil-likin, recalled Collin, 23. She needed acalculator, and I was her knight in shin-ing armor and gave her one.

Brittany, who was a junior at Maroa-Forsyth High School at the time, saidthe first thing she really noticed aboutCollin, who was a student at St. TeresaHigh School, was his sense of humor.

When we met in the ACT class, Iwould have to say his personality stoodout, she said. I remember him makingus all laugh, and we worked together inthe class, which really allowed me to getto talk to him more.

Although the two clicked, Brittanysaid they didnt begin dating untilnearly a year and a half later.

We didnt get together right awayafter the class, she said, but he alwaysstuck with me, and when the time was

right, we found our way back to eachother.

The two began dating in 2008, to-ward the end of their senior year of highschool.

We got to know each other duringthe prep course, explained Collin, andnothing really came of that. But I had afriend in high school and at some outing I think it may have been a golf event Brittany found out he was my friendand actually asked him for my number

and called me.From there, the two had their first

date.We went to Olive Garden and it was

really nice, Collin said. We just got toknow each other, and from there, webegan hanging out more and more.The two attended their senior proms to-gether and from that point on, they hada strong bond, even when Brittany wentaway for college in the fall.

My freshman year, I went to Lewis

B

Proposalscores

high marksACT prep class helps set couple

on a course for the future


University in Romeoville for golf, saidBrittany, but after that first year, Iended up coming back to Decatur andfinishing out college at Millikin withCollin because I didnt really like it atLewis.

After graduating from college in De-cember 2011, Brittany began workingfor State Farm Insurance Co. in Bloom-ington, while Collin became employedby Caterpillar Inc., and nearly a yearafter graduation, Collin decided hewanted to ask Brittany to marry him.

I looked at where I was with my job,Collin explained, and I just felt com-fortable moving forward.

Acknowledging that Brittany seemedlike she was becoming a little antsy,Collin began formulating his plan topropose.

I mentioned that I might propose atChristmas, he said, but December wasjust kind of a bluff. I had to throw acurve ball in there to throw her off.Collins real plan was to propose to Brit-tany at Thanksgiving, in front of boththeir families, during an annual dinnerat the Decatur Club.

The day of the proposal, nothingseemed too out of the ordinary for Brit-tany, but Collin was nervous.

My goal was to get her to the De-catur Club by noon, he said, but herwhole family needed to get ready, so Itold her I was going to pick her up at10:30 a.m. I had family in town, too, soI just acted like we were going to talkand catch up with them.

After picking Brittany up, however, awrench was thrown in Collins planswhen his dad and Collins out-of-townfamily members ended up leaving fordinner too soon.

We ended up having an entire hourto kill, he said, so when we got to myhouse, I ended up acting like I was sick.I went in the bathroom and stayed therefor about 20 minutes.

Knowing he couldnt keep the act upfor too long, Collin said he moved on toanother idea.

I came up with the idea that we hadto go close my grandpas garage door be-cause he and my mom had forgotten todo that, said Collin, but when we gotthere, of course, the garage door was

closed, so I told Brittany he must haveclosed the garage door and just forgot hedid.

With nearly 20 minutes left beforeCollin and Brittany were expected atThanksgiving dinner, Collin turned toone last time-killing tactic.

Anyone knows if you have 20 min-utes to kill, you go to Wal-Mart, so Itold Brittany I needed to run in and pickup a birthday card for my cousin andsome Pepto-Bismol because I was stillnot feeling well, he said. At this point,I knew Brittany was getting anxious,but I kept telling her we were going tomake it on time.

After grabbing the necessary itemsand stalling in the video game sectionfor about 10 minutes, Collin returned tothe car and the couple headed to dinner.Arriving at the Decatur Club, Collin andBrittany went up to the mezzanine floor,which was one floor higher than the onewe usually go to, said Brittany.

Greeted by soft piano music, courtesyof Collins uncle, the two turned the cor-ner and were on a balcony, overlookingthe entire dining room.

As soon as we turned the corner, Ithink Brittany realized what was hap-pening, said Collin, but I just grabbeda microphone, explained to our familieswhy I had asked them all there, gotdown on one knee and proposed to her.

I just broke down crying, Brittanyrecalled. I had no idea it was coming;he had mentioned Christmas a few timesso I wasnt expecting it and I was just inshock. But it was great; it was perfect.Brittany said she loves Collins magneticpersonality.

He makes me laugh every day and hegets along with my family, she said.Weve created a great bond, and I dontknow what Id do without him.

Collin feels the same about Brittany.If she wasnt in my life, itd be like a

puzzle piece was missing, he said. Shefits me perfectly.

The couple hopes to marry sometimein 2014.


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The roots of wedding traditions run deep


any brides still adhere to the old English rhyme:something old, something new, something bor-rowed, something blue when preparing to walk

down the aisle.All of the tokens mentioned in the verse were believed to

bring good luck and fortune to a bride of old.Couples these days might not rely too heavily on luck for

their future, but many still cling to old traditions and customssurrounding weddings.

But how much do we know about the origins of these tradi-tions? Check out what the experts have to say:

Do you take this bride?In less civilized times, a man would capture a woman from

another tribe to make her his wife. He literally took a wife. The practice, understandably, was upsetting to the wifes fa-

ther, not necessarily because of the loss of a beloved familymember, but because he was left with one less worker on thefarm.

After grooms gave up the tradition of stealing a bride, theybecame a bit more civilized and purchased her. The price for afathers daughter was the wed-price or wed, the amountcompensated for the loss of labor.

HoneymoonAlthough there are several origins related to this word, the

most popular definition comes from the Norse. It was the cus-tom of men at the time to capture a wife, and then take her to alocation where the family could not find her. The couple stayedin the secret place until the moon had gone through all of itsphases, which is about 30 days. While in hiding, the newly-weds were provided a drink mead a wine made of honey.This became known as the moon of honey or the honey-moon.

Also, the waxing and waning of the moon was likened to amarriage, where there would be high points and low pointsduring the relationship.

Tie one onA man and a woman would lace themselves together around

the waist with reeds. By tying the knot they were consideredmarried.

Eternal promiseThe ring is a continuous circle, a symbol of eternity. In the

case of the wedding ring, it is a symbol of never-ending love.The earliest rings were made of braided grass or weeds. Ringslater were made of precious metals and became a form of cur-rency. When a groom gave his bride a ring, he trusted her withhis property.

One theory of why the ring is placed on the fourth finger ofthe left hand is the belief that one vein runs from that finger tothe heart. Another theory is that since most people are righthanded, a ring on the left hand will have less damage.

Pucker up!The kiss has been a symbol of two parties that have sealed a

deal. For a marriage, the kiss represents the agreement betweentwo families in a lifetime commitment and the joining to thebrides and grooms souls, according to theamericanwedding.com.

Wedding AttireAlthough the white wedding dress is long been considered a

sign of purity, the tradition of the wearing white is somewhatnew. The Victorian age popularized the color. To wear a whitedress was a sign of affluence. After all, a white dress could onlybe worn once. Before this tradition, brides wore their best dressor the traditional color of their native country.


Tried and true

M


The bridal veil was thought to be usedto protect the bride from evil spirits. Butthe original veils were actually clothswrapped around the brides head by thegroom during the capture. Many womennot wanting to be captured would covertheir heads and have their friends to dothe same to fool the would-be groom.Many a groom not checking under theveil was surprised by an older womanpast childbearing years.

BouquetsBouquets of herbs and spices used to

be carried by brides of old. The bridewould wear herbs under her veil as a signof fidelity. The bridal bouquet of herbsheld by the bride was another way toward off evil spirits.

Herbal bouquets have since been re-placed by flowers.

Make it rain!What was a girl to do if her father was

too poor to give his daughter a decentdowry?

Her friends would come to the rescueby showering her with gifts appropriate

for her first household. As the partyevolved, the guests would place smallgifts in an umbrella. The bride wouldraise the umbrella and the gifts wouldshower down upon her.

Party onMembers of the Bridal Party have al-

ways had many duties. While the groomstole his bride, the grooms friendsfought the father and her friends.

If the bride grew impatient and wentlooking for her groom, her friends wouldprotect her from kidnappers, robbers orjilted suitors. The women would dressalike to confuse those wanting to stealthe brides dowry (the property or moneythe bride offered to the marriage).

As the unification of marriages becamemore organized, couples still needed thehelp of their friends. The attendantsdressed the same as the bride and groomto help the newly married couple avoidbad luck, believing that they could con-fuse evil spirits.

In Denmark, some attendants went asfar as wearing the clothes of the oppositesex to confuse the demons even more, ac-

cording to Vera Lee in her book, Some-thing Old, Something New.

Let them eat cakeThe wedding cake was not intended to

be served as dessert for the guests. Infact, it wasnt even originally cake. Inearly weddings, a loaf of bread (symboliz-ing fertility) was broken over the brideshead. The guests would then scramblefor the crumbs.

It was said that if a female guest was toplace the crumbs under her pillow, shewould dream of her future husband.Sweet wedding cakes were brought bythe guests and stacked along with theother guests cakes. The higher the finalcake was, the more popular the couple.In some ancient cultures, the couple wasnot considered married until they ate to-gether. Thats why the bride and groomfeed each other cake even today.

Sources: www.elitedresses.com; Something Old, Something Newby Vera Lee; A Brides Book of Traditions by Arlene Hamilton Stew-art; www.theamericanwedding.com; www.weddings.lovetoknow.com;Tried and Trousseau: The Bride Guide by Jennifer Rogers;www.ehow.com.


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ts been said good things come to those whowait, and for Katie Hinton, that adage rangtrue when it came to meeting and marrying her

husband, Doug Ostermann.An art educator at Holy Family School, as well as

an adjunct art professor at Millikin University, Hin-ton, 31, dreamt of becoming an artist from a youngage, and she was driven to reach her goal as she grewup.

In high school and college, I was really focused onmy school work, said Hinton. I always enjoyeddrawing and painting, and dreamed about becomingan artist when I was young. But before college, Ididnt really understand what it meant to be a profes-sional artist. People always told me that I had somuch talent, but it takes more than talent to becomean artist. It takes a lot of hard work, time and commitment.

Graduating from Millikin University in 2003 with herbachelors in studio art, Hinton knew she wanted to continueon to graduate school.

My professors at Millikin encouraged me to continue mystudies, she said, and I was determined to get my Masters ofFine Art to learn more about painting, art history and theoryand the business of art.

Attending the Maryland Institute College of Art in Balti-more and the Cranbrook Academy of Art in Bloomfield Hills,Mich., for a total of four years, Hinton immersed herself in herwork and had little time for anything else, including dating.

I was really driven to focus on my artwork and get my mas-ters, so I wasnt interested in dating very much, she said.After graduating with her masters degree in 2007, Hintonmoved back to Decatur, where she began establishing her ca-reer, and in 2010, she met her future husband.

I met Doug Oct. 15, 2010, at one of my sisters parties,she said, and it just worked.

After dating 18 months and being engaged for another year,Hinton and Ostermann married in August 2012, at the ages of31 and 44, respectively.

We got married at Holy Family Catholic Church, recalledHinton. I had my sister and sister-in-law as my bridesmaids,and my sisters children were the flower girl and ring bearer.We had about 150 people and it was really nice.

Forty-three years ago, stories like Hintons were more rare.Between 1970 and 1975, according to the U.S. Census Bu-reaus 2009 Survey of Income and Program Participation,nearly 50 percent of American women were married by the ageof 25, with the median marriage age for women at 20.8 andmen at 23.2.

But statistics are changing, and American women and menare now waiting longer to get married, said Amanda Black,editor of TheKnot.com.

Nationally, in 2011, the average age for brides was 29 andthe average age for grooms was 30, said Black in a phone in-terview, noting that today, its not only becoming more com-mon, but also more acceptable, for women to go to schoollonger and focus on their careers more before getting married.There definitely seems to be a trend for brides to wait a littlelonger to get married and establish themselves (professionally)first.

Hinton agreed. I have a lot of friends who arent overly con-cerned about getting married, she said. Theyre more focused

I

Many men and women are delaying marriage to establish their careers first

Worth the wait


on their careers, and I think today, a lotmore women are going to school longer,too.

Beth Nolan, a financial advisor withRaymond James, said she didnt getmarried to her husband, John Larcher,until she was older, as well.

I had spent two years getting mymasters degree and kind of put my lifeon hold, she said. I ended up meetingmy husband in 2005, and in 2007, wegot married and I had just turned 30.

Although getting married at 30wasnt a conscious decision, Nolan said,she noted that it seems to be a morecommon occurrence today.

I think its much more socially ac-ceptable now for women to get marriedlater, she said. Its more common.While marrying later is becoming morecommon, women acknowledge that itstill comes with its challenges.

It can be hard, said Bailey Shaw ofDecatur, who began pursuing her doc-torate degree in English literature atSouthern Illinois University at Carbon-dale in 2010. After college, all myfriends were getting married while I was

in graduate school.Hinton said a womans desire to have

children can also pose a challenge.Ive always wanted children, she said,and I knew I needed to think aboutthat, too, in addition to my career.

Shaw, who has been dating herboyfriend, Andrew, for two years, main-tains that, despite the challenges, put-ting off marriage until she finishes herdegree is the right decision for her.

Weve definitely talked about mar-riage, she said, and maybe fartheralong in my doctorate program I wouldthink about being engaged, but I justdont know if now is the right time. Itcan be a little hard to see my friends get-ting married and having babies, but Iknow that Ill be better off in the longrun (by pursuing more education).

Nolan said getting married a littlelater affected her wedding planning andlength of engagement.

I think getting married later kind ofaccelerated our engagement, she said.Once we made the decision to get mar-ried, we kind of fast-tracked our wed-ding so that we could have kids, but I

can say I truly enjoyed the wholeprocess. I wanted to savor the day and itwas a really relaxing time for me.

Hinton also acknowledged that herwedding was different than what itmight have been had she gotten marriedyounger.

I think I wouldve stressed over everylittle thing, and I think I would havewanted a destination wedding or some-thing more grand, she said. I lovedgetting married in Decatur, though. Itwas really nice and all of the memoriesof growing up here made the event reallyspecial.

Like Shaw, Hinton said establishingher career first and marrying later wasthe best decision for her.

I feel like Im more confident in my-self now, she said, and I definitelythink that having a strong career is aplus for my relationship (with Oster-mann). We talk about our goals, and Ithink it brings us closer. I feel confidentin my decisions, and it feels really goodto know I married the right person. Itwas definitely worth the wait.




You said Yes! NOW WHAT?

efore you jump headfirst intowedding planning, take sometime to think about what your

expectations and budget are for yourspecial day and talk them over withyour fiance and your family members.

Now, let the games begin

12-plus months before Figure out potential dates for yourwedding Draw up an initial guest list to get anidea about the possible size of your wed-ding Visit area reception and banquethalls, as well as ceremony locations orchurches if needed Sit down with your families and drawup a budget, deciding who can con-tribute where Meet with your wedding officiant Book your ceremony location Book your reception location Reserve wedding night bridal suite Decide on groomsmen and brides-maids and ask them to be in your wed-ding party Begin asking around for recommen-dations on vendors such as florists, pho-tographers and DJs Get organized make a binder orfolder to keep all wedding informationtogether Insure your engagement ring

10 to 12 months before Meet with potential vendors to askquestions and discuss your plans Book your photographer and videog-rapher Reserve a caterer, if you are using one Book your band and DJ for the recep-tion Begin trying on wedding gowns Begin to think about your honey-

moon destination Order passport, if needed, for a desti-nation honeymoon or wedding Get your engagement photos taken Send your engagement announce-ment into the local paper

8 to 9 months before Finalize your guest list Send out save-the-date reminders,if you are using them Book your wedding day transporta-tion Reserve a florist Take some time with your fiance toregister for wedding gifts. Remember tochoose items in a variety of price rangesand have fun Reserve your wedding day transporta-tion Buy your dream wedding gown Decide on hotel room accommoda-tions for out-of-town guests Meet with your officiant

6 to 7 months before Reserve wedding day attire for thegroom, groomsmen and all males in-volved in the wedding (dont forget fa-thers, grandfathers, ushers and ringbearers) Decide on bridesmaid gowns andschedule fittings or provide informationto attendants Decide on attire for flower girl Reserve ceremony musicians orsoloists Reserve any rental items needed forceremony and reception Book a bakery and meet with them todecide on a wedding cake Meet with florist to discuss and de-cide on wedding day flower arrange-ments Ask a special friend or family mem-

bers to do readings at the ceremony Reserve block of rooms at a hotel forout-of-town guests, if you havent doneso already Begin thinking about what type ofinvitations you would like

4 to 5 months before Order or make your wedding invita-tions Compile hotel information for out-of-town guests to be sent with invitations Make any necessary wedding day ap-pointments such as hair, nails or mas-sage. Book a venue for the rehearsal dinner,if you are using a location such as arestaurant Order wedding favors, if you are buy-ing them Choose and purchase your weddingbands Pick up and schedule gown fittings Arrange for bridesmaids dress fit-tings or give details to bridesmaids Shop for each others cards and wed-ding gifts Choose and purchase something fun forguests to send you off with after the cere-mony: birdseed, rose petals, bubbles Make final decisions on the weddingcake Book your honeymoon,if you havent already

3 months before Pick up your wedding invitations Address and package your weddinginvitations (or send to a calligrapher) Shop for and purchase gifts for themembers of the wedding party Attend final gown fitting Purchase accessories such as shoes,evening bag, jewelry and more, if youhavent done so already (dont forget to

B



make sure everything complements yourdress, and of course, remember to prac-tice walking in your shoes) Provide guest lists to bridesmaidsand anyone else hosting a shower for you Touch base with your officiant Begin writing the ceremony program Choose the ceremony programs andmake date to have them printed Begin planning a post-weddingbrunch if you are having one

2 months before Send out your wedding invitations(make sure postage is correct) Finalize the reception menus Apply for your marriage license Plan the rehearsal dinner, includingthe food selections and seating arrange-ment Compile wedding favors, if you aremaking them Attend your bridal showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties Write thank-you notes for showersand parties Begin maintaining a list of weddinggifts received and send thank-you notesbefore the wedding if possible Make sure bridal attendants havetheir gowns and accessories

1 month before Meet with the photographer andvideographer to discuss your expecta-tions and provide a list of must-takeshots Meet or contact the DJ or band todiscuss the order of events on the dayand provide a list of do play anddont play songs Send out invitations to the rehearsaldinner Proofread and print the ceremonyprograms

Finalize vows, if youre writing yourown Pick up wedding rings from jewelrystore Create anything special you plan tohave to personalize your day such as aslideshow at the reception Meet with your hairstylist andmakeup artist for consultation if needed Shop for anything you will need onthe honeymoon Make sure wedding party is aware ofall duties expected of them (you canprovide a timeline for them if it helps) Meet with ceremony soloists or musi-cians to rehearse Meet with florist and discuss deliverytimes Order or make table place cards forthe reception if you are having a sit-down meal Finalize shopping for

~ Toasting flutes~ Ring bearer pillow~ Flower girl basket~ Guest book and pen~ Garter

2 weeks before If you are having a sit-down dinner,create a seating chart Prepare a speech for either you oryour fiance, or both, to give at the re-hearsal dinner, thanking your parentsand everyone else for all their love andsupport Call any guests who have not replied Confirm honeymoon reservations Begin packing for the honeymoon Touch base with all vendors as neededand provide timeline of the day. Wrap attendants presents and write anote thanking them Designate someone to watch over thegifts and collect cards as the reception isstarting Arrange for distribution of programsat the ceremony and a seating place cardtable at the reception site

1 week before Provide the final head count to thecaterer or reception site Finalize reception details

Finalize seating chart Determine the order of the receivingline if you are having one Give seating chart and place cards tocaterer or reception hall Pick up your wedding dress if youhavent already

1 day before Get a massage you deserve it.Also, get a manicure and pedicure whileyoure there. Run any last-minute errands to de-liver items to the reception hall or cere-mony Get together an overnight bag foryour wedding night and make sure it isdelivered to its destination Make sure all checks are written outfor vendors Make sure groom and groomsmenhave picked up their formal wear andtried it on Attend your rehearsal and rehearsaldinner Present your parents and weddingparty with their gifts Spend some quality time with familyand friends during and even after the re-hearsal dinner Remember to smile and relax

Wedding dayCongratulations

After the wedding Send thank-you notes within twomonths of the ceremony If you were satisfied with their serv-ices, write personal thank-you notes toyour vendors Send a marriage announcement toyour local paper Submit all forms involved in chang-ing your last name Freeze the top layer of your weddingcake to eat on your first anniversary Have your wedding gown cleanedand preserved.

Compiled by COURTNEY WESTLAKE,

for the Herald & Review




Planning the dream wedding can befun especially if its the second, oreven the third, time around.

Personality, not traditionsThe father may walk the bride down

the isle again, but rarely will he pay foranother extravagant wedding. For thisreason, couples may be paying for thespecial day themselves. The ceremonyand reception can be smaller and more

personal. For example, the ceremonymay take place at the couples new homeor at a local park.

The bride and groom are not as con-cerned with tradition, said Cindy Dead-rick-Wolfer of Events Plus. They lookat what brought them together.

Typically, the couple is paying for itthemselves, so when it comes to thebudget, they both want to be involved,said Jody Cox, owner of An Affair to Re-member.

The wedding may be smaller, but not

necessarily because of cost, said Dead-rick-Wolfer. It is smaller, because it ismore intimate. Couples emphasize whatis important to them during one of themost important days of their lives. Formany, family plays a large role. Manycouples have their children and parentsin the wedding. Unlike the first wed-ding, a couple may invite just closefriends and family.

And the bride wore No matter how many times a bride

Love is lovelierthe second (or third) time around!


has walked down the aisle, her gown isstill the main attraction.

People may be cutting back with asecond wedding. But not as much onthe dress, said Julie Camfield of New toYou. They are still going big with thedress.

So many girls get married the firsttime at the court house, said Lee AnnPickerill, a bridal consultant for Cast-aways Bridal. The second wedding be-comes the wedding of their dreams.

Many brides will visit consignmentshops. To wear someone elses dress is nolonger taboo. The bride knows she cantblame the end of a marriage on a dress.But older brides beware: todays dressesmay be more revealing than you remem-ber.

Many bridal shops can order matchingscarves or bolero jackets. Some bridesdont want a traditional bridal gown.They are just as happy with a mother-of-the-bride dress, Pickerill said.

Who needs gifts?With a new spouse comes a new group

of friends and family. Although twohouseholds will be coming together, abridal registry may still be needed. Cou-ples may register for gear of a sharedhobby instead of dishes and towels.For the couple who really has every-thing, the best gift is one that lets themdo the giving, suggests Wedding Chan-nel.com. The couple can register fortheir favorite charity or a general charitysuch as GlobalGiving.com that allowsthe couple to choose from various organ-izations.

You can danceTraditions are personal. The reception

may not have a bouquet toss, but mighthave a band and a first dance. The couplemay not cut a cake, but instead share alobster. For the beginning of the newmarriage, many couples will choose notto follow any rules. This time around,the only people they want toimpress are each other.


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WORDS: Metro Editorial Services

hen planning a wedding,there are certain things onthe minds of brides and

grooms. But an eco-conscious ceremonymight not be among those concerns.However, there are easy ways to includegreen practices in your wedding with-out compromising on style or statement.

Condense. Think about how muchtime and gas are used driving around todifferent wedding vendors to coordinateflowers, linens, music, etc. That can con-tribute to one large carbon footprintsimply for your wedding. If a cateringhall offers packages that include otherelements of the wedding, it may be moreaffordable and convenient to just gowith them.

Move outside. It can take a lot of en-ergy to cool (or heat) a large, indoor re-ception site. Moving the ceremony andparty outside can alleviate some environ-mental impact due to energy usage.

Choose a picturesque setting to tie theknot.

Give monetary gifts. Weddingguests often fret over what to give thehappy couple as a wedding gift. If youpurchase something they may not like, itwas a wasted trip to the store and thecouple will have to return the item or itmay end up in the trash. One of thesafest and greenest gifts is money. Notsure what denomination to give? Thinkabout at least covering the cost of thewedding dinner. A guest couple can offer

between $100 and $200 for a gift. Embrace history. If your mother has

offered her wedding gown to wear, seri-ously consider it. Think about howmuch money you will save and the en-ergy that will be conserved by not hav-ing to construct an entirely new gown.Furthermore, a gown from Mom is asentimental gesture she will no doubtappreciate.

Carpool. Chances are many bridesand grooms already employ this tradi-tion on their wedding days. Renting a

You can be eco-conscious and still have a great day

Its a nice day for a

Green Wedding

W


limousine or party bus to transportguests to the wedding saves fuel.

Seasonal flowers. Instead of payingtop dollar to have exotic blooms in bou-quets and centerpieces, choose flowersthat are in season and regional. You canalso choose to use fruit in centerpieces.

Use recycled paper. Insist that invi-tations be printed on recycled paper andskip all of the extra inserts inside of theinvite, such as directions, registry cards,etc. Direct guests to your wedding web-site for the information they need.

Go green on the honeymoon. Thereare a number of eco-conscious hotels andresorts for newlyweds to choose from. Orhoneymoon close to home to cut downon the hassle of flying elsewhere.

Couples interested in having an eco-conscious wedding can go green in anumber of ways and still make the dayunique and special. Furthermore, cou-ples wont have to compromise theirideals or tastes to achieve a wed-ding that is green and beautiful.


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ouples must make many decisionswhen planning their wedding,not the least of which is choosing

floral arrangements. Some couples havenever had to make choices regarding flo-ral arrangements, so its understandable ifthey need some help before making a de-cision that will likely make a significantimpact on the appearance of their wed-dings.

Go with your own style. Couplesshould not feel pressured to go with amore traditional style if thats not some-thing that suits them. Instead, choose astyle that most appeals to you, be it neu-tral or bold colors, formal or more casualarrangements, and so on. Your style

might also reveal a preference for some-thing other than roses, which is perfectlyalright. Its your wedding.

Stay in-season when possible. Whenchoosing a floral arrangement, its impor-tant to consider when youll be gettingmarried and which flowers will be in-sea-son. Its possible to find most floral vari-eties all year, but if you choose seasonalflowers, youll likely pay less and suchflowers will be more readily available anddurable.

Dont go it alone. The wedding dayis going to be busy enough withoutbrides and grooms having to worry aboutarranging the bouquets. A professionalflorist, ideally one who has come highlyrecommended, should be able to workwithin your budget and produce a visu-ally stunning end product.

C

Follow these hints when choosing floral arrangements

Fresh take


Consider candlesto save money. Manycouples hope for a flo-ral centerpiece at eachtable, but that canprove costly. If the flo-ral budget is somewhatlimited, supplementthe centerpieces withcandles to save somemoney. The center-pieces likely wont beas grandiose, butsmaller floral arrange-ments coupled withcandles can create a ro-mantic feel.

Stick to thebudget. Couples willfind its very easy to goover budget quicklywith regard to floralarrangements. But agood florist should beable to work withinyour budget and pro-duce an arrangementthats visually impres-sive without costing afortune.

Floral termsBefore discussing table settings for

their weddings, many couples find ithelpful to brush up on some floral termi-nology before visiting florists. It canmake you appear more knowledgeableand prepared if you understand what willbe discussed and are able to choose whatyou want. It also helps to ensure yourmoney is being spent in the best way

possible.Here are some common and some

lesser known florist terms that can be ad-vantageous to know.

Biedermeier: A nosegay arrangedtightly with concentric circles of differ-ently colored flowers. The flowers arewired into a holder with only one type offlower in each ring.

Bouquet: A dense bunch of bloomsthat are kept together in a bouquet

holder, wired or tied with ribbon. Crescent: One full flower and a flow-

ering stem wired together to form a slen-der handle that is held in one hand.

Garden: A centerpiece featuringwildflowers.

Nosegay: Small, round bouquetscomposed of densely packed round flow-ers and fill.

Oasis: Specialized foam that is usedin bouquet holders and centerpieces toretain water and keep blooms fresh.

Pomander: A flower-covered ballthat is suspended from a ribbon. It isoften carried by child attendants.

Posies: Smaller than nosegays butsimilar in design.

Presentation: A bunch of long-stemmed flowers cradled in the bride'sarms. It's sometimes known as a pageantbouquet.

Topiary: Flowers trimmed into geo-metric shapes.

Tossing: A smaller copy of the bridesbouquet to use in the bouquet toss.

Tussy mussy: A small, metallicholder to carry a posy.


YourSpecialDay atThe

Decatur ClubA reception yourguests will alwaysremember. Rehearsaldinners

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Fine china &linens

Please contact Jeff Ingle, General Manageror Josh Mahon, Executive Chef

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DECATUR, IL 62523www.thedecaturclub.com



Let us help make your dayeven more Special


heres no better way to say job well done to awedding vendor than by offering a tip. Althoughtips are not mandatory, they can show a DJ,

caterer or another hired helper just how much his or herexemplary service was appreciated.

Some vendors include tips in their regular schedule ofcharges, primarily catering facilities that will be hiringwait and bar staff for the event.

Others do not include a gratuity into their charges, soit is up to the customer to provide a tip, if desired.

Fifteen to 20 percent is usually customary, accordingto wedding etiquette experts, and may be adjusted de-pending on the size of the wedding and the quality ofthe job done.

Businesses that hire out staff, such as a large musicand entertainment company or a limousine service, willpay employees a salary. Couples can show those employ-ees they appreciate the job done for the wedding with anadditional tip.

A catering hall typically has a staff working behind thescenes to keep guests happy. These staff members include coat-check personnel, a catering manager, kitchen staff and parkingattendants. It can be customary to tip these individuals. Onedollar per guest is typically sufficient. Or you can choose to in-dividually tip those who went above and beyond.

Even though weddings can cost several thousands dollars,and the idea of parting with another dollar can seem monu-mental, it is important for couples to factor tipping into theiroverall wedding budgets. Otherwise, they may be asking fam-

ily members or the best man to loan cash for tipping or dip-ping into the honeymoon fund. It may be necessary to keepabout $1,000 to $1,500 available for gratuities alone.It is considered poor etiquette to tip a ceremony officiant. In-stead, a donation to the church or a charity can be made.

Tipping is entirely up to the couple getting married, but itcan be a nice show of appreciation to hard working weddingvendors. Thank-you notes or recommendations areother ways to show appreciation for the services pro-vided and dont cost a penny.

Gratuities for wedding vendors a nice touch

T

Tipping

point


Let us help make your dayLet us help make your dayeven more Specialeven more Special

2525 N. Water St. Decatur 2178754380 M-F 10-6 SAT 10-3



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