1. 1. Coping with Divorce: Elementary-Aged Children By: Linda Moss
2. 2. Introduction Title: Coping with Divorce: Elementary-Aged Children Concept Presented: Eriksons Stages of Development, emphasis on Stages 3 & 4 Purpose of the Presentation: To present information and resources to the parents of children, ages 5-12, who are experiencing divorce.
3. 3. Introduction Contd Reason the topic was selected: According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce. Two thirds of these situations involve children (Desrochers, 2004). These children need to be supported to ensure they are able to cope with the changes in a way that does not disrupt their development. Intended Audience: Parents of children, ages 5-12 Why the information is important for the audience: It will arm parents with resources and knowledge to support their children as they experience a major life change. How the audience can use the information: The audience can take the skills presented during the presentation and apply them when interacting with their children.
4. 4. Presentation Goals To discuss the implications of divorce on the development of children, ages 5-12. To discuss and apply Eriksons Stages of Development (emphasis on Stages 3 & 4) from the perspective of a child experiencing the divorce of his/her parents. To discuss strategies parents can utilize to help their child/children cope with the separation. To learn about resources available for both parents and children experiencing divorce.
5. 5. Erikson: Stages of Development Elementary-Aged Children will have been progressing from Stage 3, Learning Initiative vs. Guilt. (4 years-Kindergarten) During Stage 3, children who are developing in a healthful way will learn to imagine, cooperate with others and lead as well as follow (Child Development Institute). Children who are not able to successfully achieve initiative will be fearful, dependent upon adults and experience restriction in the development of an imagination. This information is especially important for parents of children in the lower elementary grades.
6. 6. Implications of Stage 3 Guilt can become a recurring theme for children who are experiencing the divorce of their parents. It is especially important that measures are taken to ensure children are not experiencing guilt due to the separation. Parents will need to explain and reiterate the fact that the children are not the cause for the separation.
7. 7. Implications for Stage 3 contd Children will need to be encouraged to express their feelings about the separation in whatever way they feel comfortable, even if it may not be understood by others. Children will need to be encouraged to take leadership roles and practice cooperating with others to ensure they are able to successfully take initiative. This may mean allowing and encouraging children to lead discussions about their reactions and feelings of the separation.
8. 8. Erikson: Stages of Development According to Erikson, elementary-aged children have entered Stage 4 of development: Industry vs. Inferiority. (Elementary-Junior High) During this time, the child is learning to master the more formal skills of life, including playing more rule- governed and structured games and relating with peers according to rules (Child Development Institute). Children who successfully achieve these goals will reach a state of Industry and Purpose. Children who are filled with guilt from the previous stage will experience defeat and inferiority (Child Development Institute).
9. 9. Implications of Stage 4 Children who become withdrawn during the separation will need to be encouraged to discuss their feelings. Children may need to be encouraged and given opportunities to interact with peers who may be experiencing similar situations. Some children may react to the separation with challenging behavior, challenging rules and authority figures. Boundaries will need to be set and children will need to be offered alternative methods of expressing their feelings.
10. 10. Implications of Stage 4 contd Children will need to feel loved and supported by both parents and by outside supports to ensure they are not feeling inferior. School work may become difficult for children during this time. Parents should communicate with teachers and counselors within the school system to ensure all parties are working towards making sure the child is successful academically, socially and behaviorally.
11. 11. Strategies for Coping Encourage your child to reach out to discuss his/her feelings with trusted adults and friends. Communicate with your childs school. They may be able to refer you to resources within the school community that your child can utilize. Encourage your child to find modes of expression for their feelings.
12. 12. Additional Resources National Association of School Psychologists. http://www.nasponline.org/resources/parenting/divorce_ho .aspx HelpGuide.org http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family- divorce/children-and-divorce.htm Kids Health http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/help_child_divor ce.html Lemonade Divorce http://www.lemonadedivorce.com/for- children/resources-for-children/
13. 13. Discussion Questions Considering both the age and developmental level of your child/children, where do you place them on Eriksons Stages of Development? At what milestones are they excelling? What milestones are they struggling with? What are some strategies you might use to ensure your child continues to excel during the separation? What are some strategies you might use if/when your child is struggling during the separation? What are some resources you are aware of that have not been covered in this presentation?
14. 14. What I need from my mom and dadA childs list of wants I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you dont stay involved, I feel like Im not important and that you dont really love me. Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty. I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I dont have to send messages back and forth. When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or dont say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side. Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems. (Kemp, Smith, & Segal, 2015).
15. 15. References Child Development Institute. Retrieved from http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/erickson.shtml Desrochers, J. (2004). Divorce: a parents guide for supporting children. NASP Resources. Retrieved from http://www.nasponline.org/resources/parenting/divorce_ho.aspx Kemp, J., Smith, M. & Segal, J. (2015). Children and divorce: Helping kids cope with separation and divorce. Helpguide.org. Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/children-and- divorce.htm