listening: how important is it? 55% college student’s time 60% of executives’ time at work: ...
TRANSCRIPT
Listening: How Important Is It?
55% college student’s time
60% of executives’ time
At work: Ability to listen
effectively: “Ideal skill” for managers
At home Listening = important
ingredient of relational satisfaction
Listening to personal narratives, fundamental to humanity and well-being.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Listening, defined…
Listening: Process of making sense of others’ spoken messages.
Hearing: Process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
To understand…
Listening fidelity: Degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message-sender was attempting to communicate.
Invitational attitude: Desire to learn more about perspectives other than our own. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
To evaluate…
Evaluating the quality of messages.
Mindful evaluation requires: Motivation Ability to analyze
comments Impartiality
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
To build and maintain relationships
and help others… Failure to listen = one of
the most frequent communication problems seen in counseling.
Listening well: First and most important habit to teach children.
Salespeople, people who use persuasion, benefit from well-developed listening skills.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Listening is Not Easy
Information overload
Personal concerns
Rapid thought
Noise
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
All listeners do not receive the same message
Physiological factor, social role, cultural background, personal interests, and needs shape and distort raw data we hear.
Research: “Even the most active,
empathic listener cannot … truly walk in another’s shoes.
Dyads only achieve 25-50% accuracy in interpreting or representing each other’ behavior.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Poor listening habits
Pseudolisteners Stage hogs Selective listeners Fill in gaps Insulated listening Defensive listening Ambushers
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Silent listening…
Staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback.
Right approach when interjections are not appropriate.
Silent listening can help others solve problems.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Questioning…
Most popular piece of language!
Reasons to ask sincere, nondirective questions: To clarify meanings To learn about others’
thoughts, feelings, wants Ask open questions
versus closed questions To encourage
elaboration To encourage discovery To gather more facts and
details
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing…
Paraphrasing: Feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent.
Types of paraphrasing statements: Change the speaker’s
wording Offer an example of
what you think the speaker is talking about.
Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Examples of Paraphrasing…
Speaker: “Bilingual education is just another failed idea of bleeding heart liberals.”
Paraphrase: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re mad because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but it doesn’t work?”
Speaker: “Lee is such a jerk. I can’t believe the way he acted last night.”
Paraphrase: “You think those jokes were pretty offensive, huh?”
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing: Two Levels
Use a questioning tone
Turn personal topics to a factual level
Paraphrase instructions, direction, and decisions before acting
Listen for thoughts, feelings, wants
Paraphrases don’t have to be long
Mix paraphrasing with other response.
May be awkward at first.
Paraphrasing Factual Information
Paraphrasing Personal Information
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Empathizing…
Shows that you identify with the speaker
What do the authors mean when they say, “Effective empathizing… is not a technique/skill… but emerges from a relationship”?
Identifies with the speaker's emotions and perceptions than paraphrasing
Offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Listeners are not empathizing when…
Denying others the right to their feelings.
Minimizing the significance of the situation.
Self-defending. Raining on the
speaker’s parade.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Analyzing
Interpretation of a speaker’s message.
Helps people consider alternative meanings of a situation.
Offers objective understanding of the situation.
Analysis can create more problems when: Interpretation is incorrect
and causes confusion Accurate analysis is not
useful to the sender.Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Advising
Offered in three conditions: Requested in a
straightforward manner. Ambiguous statements
include a request for opinion, soliciting information, or announcement of a problem.
When unsolicited—not as effective.
Advice is not helpful when: It doesn’t offer the best
suggestion about how to act. Allows other to avoid
responsibility for their decisions.
Peron may not want advice or be ready to accept it.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Before offering advice…
Be sure the person wants to hear suggestions.
Consider whether the person seeking advice is ready to accept it.
Be confidence that the advice is correct.
Be certain that the receiver will not blame you if the advice doesn’t work out.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.