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LISTENING Slide 2 OBJECTIVES Understand the listening process Understand the listening process Develop listening skills Develop listening skills Slide 3 WHY LISTENING? (Bolton) Words have different meanings for different people Words have different meanings for different people People often code their messages People often code their messages Presenting vs. actual problem Presenting vs. actual problem Speakers may be blind to their emotions Speakers may be blind to their emotions Listeners are easily distracted Listeners are easily distracted Listeners hear through filters that distort the message Listeners hear through filters that distort the message Slide 4 Active Listening (AL) AL is used when: AL is used when: The OTHER PERSON owns the problem Its not your problem You are coming from a place of helpfulness AL based on: AL based on: Empathy Getting in touch with feelings behind the words Acceptance Confirmation Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 5 LEVELS OF LISTENING (Covey) 1. Ignoring 2. Pretending 3. Selective Listening 4. Attentive Listening 5. Empathic Listening Slide 6 DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES (Covey) 1. Mimic content 2. Rephrase content 3. Reflect feeling 4. Rephrase content and reflect feeling Slide 7 LISTENING SKILLS (Bolton) 1. Attending Skills (giving physical attn.) A posture of involvementA posture of involvement Appropriate body motionAppropriate body motion Eye contactEye contact Nondistracting environmentNondistracting environment 2. Following Skills (get out of the way) Door openersDoor openers Minimal encouragesMinimal encourages Infrequent questionsInfrequent questions Attentive SilenceAttentive Silence Slide 8 LISTENING SKILLS (cont.) 3. Reflecting Skills ParaphrasingParaphrasing Reflecting feelingsReflecting feelings Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content)Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content) Summative reflectionsSummative reflections Slide 9 LISTENING BLOCKS (Covey) Evaluating we agree or disagree Evaluating we agree or disagree Advising we give counsel based on our experience Advising we give counsel based on our experience Probing we ask questions from our frame of reference Probing we ask questions from our frame of reference Interpreting we try to understand based on our motives and behavior Interpreting we try to understand based on our motives and behavior Slide 10 BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Judging Judging Criticizing Name-calling Diagnosing Praising evaluatively Slide 11 BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Sending Solutions Sending Solutions Ordering Threatening Moralizing Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning Slide 12 BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Avoiding the Others Concerns Avoiding the Others Concerns Advising Diverting Logical argument Reassuring Slide 13 PERCEPTUAL BARRIERS Frames of Reference Frames of Reference Semantics Semantics Filtering Filtering Selective Listening Selective Listening Value Judgments Value Judgments Relationships Relationships Slide 14 LEFT-HAND COLUMN Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated. Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated. Right-column is what was actually said Right-column is what was actually said Organizations (and people) develop topics that are taboo Organizations (and people) develop topics that are taboo When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listen When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listen Slide 15 Example #1 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: I was really annoyed when I presented Toms findings at the meeting. They were loaded with errors. Non-AL Response: Well, Tom said you were in such hurry to get the stuff, he didnt have time to check them. AL Response: I imagine that caused you great embarrassment. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 16 Example #2 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: Finance is holding up my expense check for some dumb reason and I am broke. Non-AL Response: That doesnt surprise me. The way you write they probably cant read them. AL Response: I can tell this is really annoying you. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 17 Example #3 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: I just cant believe how ridiculous the feedback is were getting from XYZ. AL Response: Sounds like the quality of feedback has disappointed you. let you down. upset you. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 18 Example #4 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: Oh, I guess this projects going okay AL Response: Sounds like this project has you down in the dumps. is discouraging you. is leaving you weary. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 19 Example #5 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: That system design meeting went like a hot knife through butter AL Response: I gather that youre pleased. youre excited. youre pumped up. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 20 Active Listening Phrases Sounds like Sounds like Seems like Seems like It seems to you It seems to you From where you stand From where you stand You think You think Correct me if Ive misunderstood Correct me if Ive misunderstood Let me see if Im getting this right... Let me see if Im getting this right... You believe You believe Im sensing Im sensing Im picking up that Im picking up that Could it be that Could it be that What I hear you saying is that What I hear you saying is that If wonder if youre feeling If wonder if youre feeling Let me check this out with you... Let me check this out with you... Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved. Slide 21 CAPTAIN COOK CASE Begin the role play by having the manager explain why the meeting has been requested. Begin the role play by having the manager explain why the meeting has been requested. Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. Try to use listening skills Try to use listening skills The manager and employee should fill out the left-hand column worksheet. The manager and employee should fill out the left-hand column worksheet. The observers should complete the observer worksheet. The observers should complete the observer worksheet. Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict. Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict. Group discussion Group discussion Class discussion Class discussion

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