1. Resolutions Workshop 2008 Youve crafted your New Years resolutions with care. Now comes the tricky part: translating intention into action ideally, the ongoing Support Tactics kind. For this, you need more than a wing and a prayer. You need pragmatic support systems and the good sense to put them to work.By ALYSSA FORD heres something about New Years resolutions a destructive inner dialogue that puts a gaping hole in even that brings out the reckless in all of us. We the most tightly woven resolution plans. dont let the fact that weve been living a certain First our voices tell us to go to the gym four days a way for years slow us down. We dont let theweek, says Zen teacher Cheri Huber, author of Making a reality that we have dozens of deeply ingrained Change for Good: A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline habits and commitments get in our way.(Shambhala, 2007). Then they convince us to sleep in, and Things are gonna change! we say. And with then they beat us up for not keeping our commitments. that, we launch ourselves from the peak of ourM. J. Ryan, a life coach and author of This Year I Will: lofty ambitions into the thin air of our available time and How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution or Make a resources which are typically thin indeed.Dream Come True (Broadway, 2006), surmises that if adults When were determined to achieve certain goals, but had to learn to walk, as toddlers do, many of us would not not particularly well equipped to overcome the inevitable succeed the negativity we impose on ourselves would be obstacles they entail, we have a tendency to get frustrated too great to overcome. Many people would tell themselves, and give up long before we should. We fall fast from ourOh, Im so stupid. I cant do this. I must have some kind of ivory towers. And the bold changes we were so gung ho walking disorder, she says. And then theyd give up. about? They simply dont happen.We arent born with this negativity. When were In past Experience Life Resolutions Workshops, weveyoung, the possibilities are wide open, says Maryanne explored some of the best ways to intelligently define mean-OBrien, cofounder of Live Dynamite, a personal-growth ingful goals and to take action toward reaching them. (To company in Independence, Minn. Kids say, Im going to catch up on these stories, browse through some of our be president without blinking an eye. recent January/February issues at experiencelifemag.com.) But over time, that optimistic inner persona the This year, because we understand that most seriousego gets trampled. As authority figures label us, judge us resolutions require significant effort and sustained determi- and assign us places in life, we internalize those messages. nation, were emphasizing the importance of getting the Then the ego goes into survival mode, says Huber. What support you need to accomplish your long-term objectives. was once a joyful I can do anything becomes OK, Im Even if that means changing in a deep way; even if it means a person who can do X, but cant do Y. This belief in our shifting habits that took you a lifetime to form. inadequacy becomes an aspect of our identity, and our ego This years workshop is all about what happens when clings to it desperately. the recklessness of the New Year wears off and were left Negative beliefs and limiting self-perceptions power- with the sobering view of the journey ahead of us.fully undermine our ability to make big life adjustments. So the very first step in building a support structure Getting Past Go involves what Huber calls enrolling the ego. One of the most pernicious obstacles to resolution successHeres a good way to start: Sit quietly, focus your typically emerges almost as soon as weve said our I will thoughts and have a heart-to-heart with those voices in vows: Its the I cant whimper. Negative self-talk sets upyour head. Hear them out. Then let your wise self speak. 48 E x p e r i e n c e L if e J a nu ary/Febru ary 2008w w w. ex pe rie nc e lif e mag . c o m E x p e r i e n c e L if e 49

2. Reassure yourself that it is possible, and that you can do it shes careful to turn off her phone when shes working on generated alarms to remind you when benchmark deadlines even if you dont know precisely how just yet. And, thats what Ask yourself: What do Ian important project. As a result, she can now accomplish require action. the following support systems are all about.need to do and how do I need things in much less time, and she feels shes made headwayA tool could even be something as simple as the Most of us are in complete resistance to getting support,toward her goal of working more effectively.daily ritual of meditating on your goals for 15 minutes each notes Debbie Ford, a life-coach trainer at JFK University in San to grow in order to make myTake the book shes writing on office politics: In morning, or an inspirational card deck that keeps you Francisco and author of The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Planresolution happen? If youre about two and a half weeks, I was able to write a 55-page focused on the values that inspired your resolution in the It, Live It (HarperSanFrancisco, 2004). We think, Oh, I can dolacking an important skill orbook intro, design the graphics for the cover, and get thefirst place. it on my own. The reality, says Ford, is that being willing tostrength, theres almost certainly text edited and proofread, she says. The point is, if you are coming up against a limitation seek out appropriate support systems is essential to overcoming a tool to help you bridge the gap. Making more-conscious time-management decisions or challenge thats holding you back, there is probably a obstacles of all kinds.that sync with her values and goals has now become second tool to help you overcome it. Ask yourself: What do I neednature to her, and thats benefited her personal life, too. to do and how do I need to grow in order to makeI think to myself, What quadrant is this in? shemy resolution happen?says. I ask myself, Am I spending time in the community,If youre lacking an important skill or strength, theresSupport System No.1 spending time with people I love, building my business almost certainly a tool to help you bridge the gap. Your job Helpful Toolsor am I frittering my time away?is to identify the tools you need (for ideas, see page 53)Resolution-support tools take many forms: time- and embrace them, pronto. The best part: The combinedmanagement systems like the one Judson embraced; spiral-benefits you gain from leveraging these new tools are boundbound resolution organizers that help you plot out theto produce satisfaction far beyond the achievement of the race Judson, an executive coach in Oceanside,tactical steps required to achieve larger objectives; computer- original resolution they made possible. Calif., was working hard but felt that she and her clients needed to learn to use time more effec- tively. She was putting in long hours building her coaching business, designed to help peopleSupport System No.2 function well in the corporate game without losing themselves. But it seemed that both she and her clients often had problems with the big projects, whichPowerful Programs tended to be slow to start and slow to finish. She wanted to be more efficient in her own work and have an easy-to-use tool or most of Robin Rankins adult life, goal with frequent person-to-person interaction. to help her clients with their own time-management struggles. setting seemed like a futile effort. I would Other programs, such as Traineo (www.traineo.com)Then, a year and a half ago, Judson picked up Firstjust think of things I needed to do, and thenand UltraWellness (www.ultrawellness.com), focus on pro- Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy by theif I didnt get them done, I would beatviding structure and support for specific goals, such as venerable self-help trio Stephen Covey, Roger Merrill and Rebecca myself up about it, says the 39-year-oldfitness or weight loss. But the principles of interaction are Merrill (Simon and Schuster, 1994). She read about Coveys Time marketing specialist in Salt Lake City, Utah.the same: Ongoing phone or email contact provides focus, Management Matrix, which divides tasks into four quadrants: So when she started working with lifecontinuity and accountability. Urgent and Important (Firefighting), Important but Not Urgentcoach M. J. Ryan six years ago, her first step was toIt helps so many people just to have that (Quality Time), Urgent but Not Important (Distractions), home in on the things she really wanted to change: heremail in their inbox, that message on their and Neither Urgent Nor Important (Time Wasting). smoking habit, her tendency to avoid conflict, hercell phone, explains Debbie Ford.Being able to visualize my time this way was a revelation,chronic disorganization.Rankin has also found that says Judson. It clarified a lot of things for me personally, andFrom there, Ryan helped Rankin establish prior- working with a coach has made its a great way to help my clients see where their time is going.ities and action plans, and together they discussedher less dependent on outsideJudson realized, for example, that she had been falling Rankins progress on the phone every two weeks orreinforcement. Its really an into a common pattern: jumping to address urgent-seeming so. Ryan would assign Rankin homework, such as ingrained skill now, knowing squeaky wheels, while allowing the projects that really mattered reading certain inspirational passages, and encourage how to replace my old more to slip further down her list. Email was particularlyher as she worked to develop healthier habits.habits with healthier tough, she says. Id hear that little email ping, and I wouldThe process helped Rankin focus herpursuits, she says. go rushing off as if it were promising millions of dollars. energy in a way shed been unable toUsing the Covey matrix as a time-management tool, Judsonbefore. Frankly, it was embarrass- became more conscious and disciplined about prioritizing the ing if I didnt make progress, so things that were really important to her, both at work and atI was made accountable in that home. Self-sustaining activities like meditation took on a clearer way, she recalls. Over time, importance once she identified that they were Important but that taught me to be account- Not Urgent pursuits that empowered her to be her best.able to myself.Judson now schedules time in her calendar to meditate, andMany life-coaching and she blocks out time for long-term projects, which has been anhabit-shifting programs, such enormous productivity booster in her business. as Ryans, offer concrete andShe checks email periodically instead of constantly, andcontrolled strategies coupled 50 E x p e r i e n c e L if e J a nu ary/Febru ary 2008w w w. ex pe rie nc e lif e mag . c o m E x p e r i e n c e L if e 51 3. Support System No.3 GET IT DONECommunity Determined to make a change for the better? Hereare some practical resources that connect you with thesupport you need to stick to your resolutions plans:ig ideas are great but making them happen Ford says some of the most effective support systemsoften requires the help of others. In thehave some element of community whether its an organ- Live Dynamite Upside Kitlast couple of years, I was looking for moreized contingent, like a Playbook Club or mastermind group This snazzy, energizing collection of tools (www.liveeffective ways to reach students, says Kathy (for more on those, see Meeting of the Masterminds in dynamite.com) puts you on track to accomplishFlaminio, a 41-year-old yoga and fitnessthe April 2005 archives at experiencelifemag.com); a more whatevers important to you. The 12-week program isbased on proven life-coaching principles and is allinstructor and social worker from St. Paul, loosely assembled online network; or a wellness or weight-about cultivating positive energy, setting meaningfulMinn. Then she had an epiphany: Yoga couldloss class that meets regularly. (For more examples of tools,goals, moving into action and maintaining momentum.help her better reach the Minneapolis publicprograms and community groups to support your goals, seeschool students she worked with. She was too busy, however, Get It Done, next page.)The Live Dynamite Upside Kit ($185) includesto think about how she could integrate more yoga into her When were by ourselves, its so easy to go back intoa 90-page Playbook workbook packed withsocial work with her students, a goal she set for herself.D.E.N.I.A.L. (Dont Even Notice I Am Lying), says Ford.insights and exercises that help you clarify your Thats when she discovered Live Dynamite, and later, When we are with other people, there are many more priorities, connect with inspiration and establishthe Live Dynamite Playbook Club, which brings small groupsopportunities for moments of truth.an intelligent action plan.of goal setters together for support. Flaminio connectedIts those moments of truth that often help us more The Daily Log journal, Daily Practice Sheets andwith four people working through the program, and the clearly perceive whats really standing between us and theThink Big Coasters surround you with ongoinggroup began meeting once a month to talk about theirbold changes were so drawn to each New Years Eve. And whensupport, keep you focused and help you overcomeTa-Da Listsobstacles as they arise. A simple but powerful online tool (www.tadalists.org) forindividual quests. They were my personal cheerleaders, but we make our Things are gonna change! proclamations,A collection of Expand and Create Cards lets you organizing information as you work toward your goals (or simplythey also challenged me, she explains. Theyd say, Why its that kind of clarity that helps us better understandcreate personal, portable reminders of yourcheck off a collection of to-dos). Create as many lists as youhavent you done that yet? Whats your barrier here?where the process of personal change really begins.evolving goals and commitments.like, and link them to lists of supportive or related information. With focused effort and encouragement and adviceIt all remains easily accessible online.Alyssa Ford is a freelance writer in Minneapolis. Additional support is available through Playbookfrom her Playbook Club Flaminio raised enough moneythrough her private yoga business, 1,000 Petals, to enroll in clubs (local, live community groups), download- List out your resolutions or goals, then make adjoiningable Boosts (podcasts, success stories, worksheetsan intensive 17-day yoga retreat. Then she applied for and When we are with otherand other resources) and email nudges.lists of the steps you will take to reach them. All your listsreceived a yearlong sabbatical to integrate a new program,are kept together on your own personal page at the site.Yoga Calm, into public-school classrooms. Plus, she addedpeople, there are many more Access your page from any portal, including PDAs or ana stronger mind-body component to the indoor cycling andyoga classes she teaches. opportunities for Blast Off!iPhone. You can also have the service email your lists orsend them as an RSS feed to post on your homepage or blog. moments of truth.A special offer for Experience Life readers: Log on to www.livedynamite.com using the passwordThe site lets you share your list with others, if you like a fast way to get support, feedback and advice. resolutions and enjoy:The entire service is free, signing up takes less thanFREE online access to four Playbook exercises 20 seconds, and youll never again be more than a wi-fiand an attitude-assessment quiz.connection away from the information you need to 20 percent off all support your dreams. Live Dynamite productsand services through Traineo March 31, 2008 (use This free fitness and weight-loss tracking Web site (traineo.com) the shopping-cart lets you chart your progress online and then (accountabilitydiscount codealert!) share regular updates with the posse of your choosing. resolutionswhen checking Log info about your eating and fitness habits, and theout). Traineo system presents it back to you as an intuitivegraph that lets you chart your progress toward yourfitness goals.Choose your Traineo motivators, a group of four friendsor family members who will receive automatic weeklyupdates of your progress and goals and who will send youemails motivating you to keep up the good work (or getback on track).You can also connect with the larger Traineo communityfor advice and support. The Traineo library offers tips,tools and articles to help you get smarter as you go. 52 E x p e r i e n c e L if e J a nu ary/Febru ary 2008w w w. ex pe rie nc e lif e mag . c o m E x p e r i e n c e L if e 53