Intervention GuideA Free Resource for Friends and Family

This guide will help you plan and conduct an intervention for a loved one struggling with drugsor alcohol. It covers: selecting the right type of intervention to have, choosing the right people

to be involved, handling objections, writing effective “intervention letters,” finding a qualitytreatment center, and much more.

Nature of this WorkshopNature of this Workshop

This workshop require a facilitative and This workshop require a facilitative and enabling approach - not a directing enabling approach - not a directing autocratic style, we will concentrate on autocratic style, we will concentrate on enabling and providing tools, knowledge, enabling and providing tools, knowledge, mechanisms, freedoms, processes, mechanisms, freedoms, processes, information, etc., that opens the mind and information, etc., that opens the mind and enables connections between tasks and enables connections between tasks and teams, in an enjoyable, constructive and teams, in an enjoyable, constructive and liberating wayliberating way

PURPOSEPURPOSE3 minutes....6 seconds

When an addict comes to you for help, you have 3 minutes to show you care and to build trust . This guide will give you the confidence, the knowledge and the resources on hand to know what to do next. The addict has taken months or even years to work up the courage to ask for some way to change this spirit-killing habit. If there is no hope for assistance from you, the addict will give up and not seek help again. This is your chance to show this person that there is immediate hope and a way to get off this merry-go-round of sadness and shame.

There is a way you can help this person change their l i fe.

About this guideAbout this guideIf someone you care about is struggling with a If someone you care about is struggling with a

drug or alcohol problem, an intervention can be drug or alcohol problem, an intervention can be a turning point, a realization there is a serious a turning point, a realization there is a serious problem that requires professional help. You problem that requires professional help. You can conduct an intervention on your own. can conduct an intervention on your own. Alternatively, there are professional Alternatively, there are professional interventionists that can assist you on a fee-for-interventionists that can assist you on a fee-for-service basis. If you are concerned enough service basis. If you are concerned enough about a loved one to be reading this, you should about a loved one to be reading this, you should seriously consider taking action. The worst thing seriously consider taking action. The worst thing you can do is stand by and do nothing. you can do is stand by and do nothing. Someone with an addiction is often surrounded Someone with an addiction is often surrounded by people who want him or her to get better.by people who want him or her to get better.

THE PLAYERSTHE PLAYERS Parents and family membersParents and family members SpousesSpouses Friends, family friendsFriends, family friends Employers and co-workersEmployers and co-workers Physicians, therapists, and counselorsPhysicians, therapists, and counselors Coaches, guidance counselors, mentors, or teachersCoaches, guidance counselors, mentors, or teachers Spiritual or religious advisersSpiritual or religious advisers

It is important that you and all individuals involved with the It is important that you and all individuals involved with the intervention read this guide thoroughly and seek intervention read this guide thoroughly and seek professional help when necessary. Substance abuse can professional help when necessary. Substance abuse can have tragic consequences, and an intervention can help have tragic consequences, and an intervention can help save someone’s life. Please plan and prepare accordinglysave someone’s life. Please plan and prepare accordingly

THE FAMILYTHE FAMILYIf someone you care about is struggling with a drug or alcohol problem, an intervention can be a turning point, a realization there is a serious problem that requires professional help. You can conduct an intervention on your own. Alternatively, there are professional interventionists that can assist you on a fee-for-service basis.

If you are concerned enough about a loved one to be reading this, you should seriously consider taking action. The worst thing you can do is stand by and do nothing. Someone with an addiction is often surrounded by people who want him or her to get better.

Families on the Front LineFamilies on the Front Line

Descript ion:Descript ion:It is well understood that prevention, treatment, and recovery It is well understood that prevention, treatment, and recovery

in behavioral health requires a multifaceted approach in in behavioral health requires a multifaceted approach in which individuals, families, schools, and communities all which individuals, families, schools, and communities all play a vital role. This show will focus on one of these critical play a vital role. This show will focus on one of these critical success factors—families. Whenever a family member is success factors—families. Whenever a family member is experiencing the mental or substance use health problem—experiencing the mental or substance use health problem—parent or child—the response should involve the entire parent or child—the response should involve the entire family. A strong family support environment is a proven family. A strong family support environment is a proven protective factor in the prevention of mental or substance protective factor in the prevention of mental or substance use disorders just as strong family support is critical in use disorders just as strong family support is critical in treatment and recovery. treatment and recovery.

Families on the Front LineFamilies on the Front Line

How can we break the cycle of addiction in which How can we break the cycle of addiction in which the child follows the parent into addictive behavior? the child follows the parent into addictive behavior?

How can our children be best supported in leading How can our children be best supported in leading healthy and productive lives? healthy and productive lives?

How can we break the cycle of inter-generational How can we break the cycle of inter-generational trauma and mental health outcomes? trauma and mental health outcomes?

How can we educate families to provide the best How can we educate families to provide the best support for a loved one experiencing an addiction support for a loved one experiencing an addiction problem? problem?

MESSAGES TO THE FAMILYMESSAGES TO THE FAMILY

THEY DID NOT: THEY DID NOT: CAUSE ITCAUSE IT THEY CANNOT: THEY CANNOT: CURE ITCURE IT THEY CANNOT: THEY CANNOT: CONTROL ITCONTROL IT

FAMILY RULE: FAMILY RULE: DON’T TALKDON’T TALKDON’T TRUSTDON’T TRUSTDON’T FEEL DON’T FEEL

What is the myth of hitt ing rock bottom?

The myth of hitting rock bottom is the general publics’ belief that an alcoholic or drug addict cannot be helped until they hit rock bottom and want to get help. This idea is just not true. Interventionists help these people every day. Interventionists work with families and friends to put a strategy in place to help the addict before it is too late. It can be very dangerous when addicts go without receiving proper treatment. Every person’s “rock bottom” is different; a car accident, divorce, job loss, or even death can occur while family and friends are waiting for a loved one to hit rock bottom. It is important to intervene and help a loved one before these life altering events occur.

AddictionAddictionWhat Is Addict ion? Addiction can be used both clinically and metaphorically, but

the primary focus here is on addiction as defined by compulsive behavior where the "drug" of choice, whether it be cocaine, alcohol, gambling, food, or cigarettes, has become the controlling factor in a person's life. Addiction is characterized by a driving need to engage in the activity or take the substance regardless of the consequences. It may involve cravings and withdrawal when the drug or activity is not accessible. Addiction is a progressive disease, meaning if you do not address and treat it, it will dominate more and more of a person's life and lead to more and more negative consequences.

Why Do Addicts Lie?Why Do Addicts Lie?Addicts tell lies more often than they tell the truth. “I’m not hurting anyone.” “I can stop any Addicts tell lies more often than they tell the truth. “I’m not hurting anyone.” “I can stop any

time.” Deception becomes so second nature, addicts will lie even when it’s just as easy to time.” Deception becomes so second nature, addicts will lie even when it’s just as easy to tell the truth. Many don’t even realize they’re fibbing or that other people see through the tell the truth. Many don’t even realize they’re fibbing or that other people see through the façade. Living a double life is exhausting, so why do addicts lie?façade. Living a double life is exhausting, so why do addicts lie?

#1 To Preserve Their Addiction #1 To Preserve Their Addiction An addict will do whatever is necessary to maintain their addiction. If they acknowledged the An addict will do whatever is necessary to maintain their addiction. If they acknowledged the

seriousness of the problem or the harm they’re causing themselves and others, they would seriousness of the problem or the harm they’re causing themselves and others, they would be hard-pressed to continue this way of life. Their logic, whether conscious or be hard-pressed to continue this way of life. Their logic, whether conscious or unconscious, is: I need drugs, and I need lies to keep people off my back so I can continue unconscious, is: I need drugs, and I need lies to keep people off my back so I can continue using drugs. Thus, lying becomes a matter of self-preservation. Anything, or anyone, that using drugs. Thus, lying becomes a matter of self-preservation. Anything, or anyone, that is going to hinder their drug habit has no place in the addict’s life.is going to hinder their drug habit has no place in the addict’s life.

#2 To Avoid Facing Reality #2 To Avoid Facing Reality Addiction reorganizes the addict’s world and consumes their identity so that the person Addiction reorganizes the addict’s world and consumes their identity so that the person

becomes unrecognizable to themselves and others. Since the truth is too painful to face, becomes unrecognizable to themselves and others. Since the truth is too painful to face, the addict constructs an alternate reality where drugs and alcohol aren’t a problem and the the addict constructs an alternate reality where drugs and alcohol aren’t a problem and the addict is doing exactly what other people want and hope for them. They say they’ve been addict is doing exactly what other people want and hope for them. They say they’ve been clean for weeks when, in truth, they got high just a few hours ago. They say they landed a clean for weeks when, in truth, they got high just a few hours ago. They say they landed a great new job when they’re actually dirt poor and homeless.great new job when they’re actually dirt poor and homeless.

Why Do Addicts Lie?Why Do Addicts Lie?

#3 To Avoid Confrontation#3 To Avoid ConfrontationLoved ones rarely sit idly by as an addict self-destructs. They ask questions, get angry and inevitably Loved ones rarely sit idly by as an addict self-destructs. They ask questions, get angry and inevitably

wonder, “If you love me, why do you keeping making choices that hurt me?” The stress of interpersonal wonder, “If you love me, why do you keeping making choices that hurt me?” The stress of interpersonal conflict can be overwhelming for an addict. Without mature coping skills, addicts may do or say conflict can be overwhelming for an addict. Without mature coping skills, addicts may do or say whatever it takes to avoid that disappointed look in their loved ones’ eyes or the contemptuous tone in whatever it takes to avoid that disappointed look in their loved ones’ eyes or the contemptuous tone in their voice. Or they may become increasingly defensive, dishing out complaints of their own in an their voice. Or they may become increasingly defensive, dishing out complaints of their own in an attempt to draw attention away from their addiction and toward the other person’s vulnerabilities.attempt to draw attention away from their addiction and toward the other person’s vulnerabilities.

#4 They Are in Denial#4 They Are in DenialEven in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, denial compels the addict to disavow their Even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, denial compels the addict to disavow their

problem and ignore the consequences of their behavior. Although denial can serve a valuable problem and ignore the consequences of their behavior. Although denial can serve a valuable protective function, allowing people to process information and come to terms with it, in addiction denial protective function, allowing people to process information and come to terms with it, in addiction denial can become pervasive. For example, addicts may truly believe that their family and friends have can become pervasive. For example, addicts may truly believe that their family and friends have become the enemy or that their addiction is not only an acceptable but necessary part of their life. The become the enemy or that their addiction is not only an acceptable but necessary part of their life. The disease uses denial and other sophisticated defenses, such as rationalization, projection and disease uses denial and other sophisticated defenses, such as rationalization, projection and intellectualization, to ensure its survival.intellectualization, to ensure its survival.

#5 They Believe They’re Dif ferent#5 They Believe They’re Dif ferentIf the addict acknowledges that drugs and alcohol have become a problem but wants to continue using, If the addict acknowledges that drugs and alcohol have become a problem but wants to continue using,

they must convince themselves that they are the exception to the rule. The delusion that “I’m not like they must convince themselves that they are the exception to the rule. The delusion that “I’m not like the others, I can handle it” allows the addict to live outside normal standards of behavior.the others, I can handle it” allows the addict to live outside normal standards of behavior.

Why Do Addicts Lie?Why Do Addicts Lie?

#6 They Feel Ashamed#6 They Feel AshamedIn sober moments, addicts may feel extreme shame, embarrassment and In sober moments, addicts may feel extreme shame, embarrassment and

regret. Unable to work through these emotions, addicts cope in the only regret. Unable to work through these emotions, addicts cope in the only way they know how: by using more drugs. To keep up appearances, way they know how: by using more drugs. To keep up appearances, they paint a picture of themselves to others that is far more flattering they paint a picture of themselves to others that is far more flattering than the reality.than the reality.

#7 Because They Can#7 Because They CanSometimes friends and family match the addict’s denial with an unhealthy Sometimes friends and family match the addict’s denial with an unhealthy

dose of their own. They turn a blind eye to worrisome behaviors and dose of their own. They turn a blind eye to worrisome behaviors and make excuses for the addict because the truth is simply too painful or make excuses for the addict because the truth is simply too painful or they’ve tolerated as much suffering as they can bear. Loved ones who they’ve tolerated as much suffering as they can bear. Loved ones who ignore, enable or rescue send the message that lying is acceptable, ignore, enable or rescue send the message that lying is acceptable, thus perpetuating the addiction.thus perpetuating the addiction.

NO MORE LIESNO MORE LIES

Lies are a root cause of the isolation most addicts experience, as well as the Lies are a root cause of the isolation most addicts experience, as well as the anger and disillusionment loved ones often feel. While loved ones can’t force an anger and disillusionment loved ones often feel. While loved ones can’t force an addict out of denial, there are steps they can take to illuminate the realities:addict out of denial, there are steps they can take to illuminate the realities:

Recognize that lies fulfill a purpose for the addict and are not a personal affront. Recognize that lies fulfill a purpose for the addict and are not a personal affront. As frustrating as they can be, lies are a common part of the disease.As frustrating as they can be, lies are a common part of the disease.

While it is important to understand the purpose of the lies, it is equally important While it is important to understand the purpose of the lies, it is equally important to push past them. The lies are keeping your loved one trapped in addiction. In to push past them. The lies are keeping your loved one trapped in addiction. In some cases, addicts are forced to face reality by hitting rock bottom, but loved some cases, addicts are forced to face reality by hitting rock bottom, but loved ones can help “raise the bottom” by staging an intervention, refusing to enable or ones can help “raise the bottom” by staging an intervention, refusing to enable or rescue, contacting a therapist or addiction treatment program, and pointing out rescue, contacting a therapist or addiction treatment program, and pointing out negative consequences in real time (e.g., after a driving under the influence negative consequences in real time (e.g., after a driving under the influence charge).charge).

If you catch the addict in a lie, don’t look the other way. Letting them know what If you catch the addict in a lie, don’t look the other way. Letting them know what you see will help them face the consequences of their actions.you see will help them face the consequences of their actions.

NO MORE LIESNO MORE LIESYOU CAN:YOU CAN:

Create a supportive environment that facilitates honesty rather than Create a supportive environment that facilitates honesty rather than engaging in a power struggle or making threats. The lying will stop when engaging in a power struggle or making threats. The lying will stop when the addict feels safe telling the truth and has the support they need to the addict feels safe telling the truth and has the support they need to get well.get well.

Encourage involvement in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Encourage involvement in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, which replace the automatic response – lies – with rigorous honesty and which replace the automatic response – lies – with rigorous honesty and making amends. In these groups, peers hold addicts accountable for making amends. In these groups, peers hold addicts accountable for their lies and encourage them to face the unpleasant truth about their lies and encourage them to face the unpleasant truth about themselves without shame or blame.themselves without shame or blame.

It’s true, addicts lie. And while the lies can’t be ignored, they are actually It’s true, addicts lie. And while the lies can’t be ignored, they are actually a distraction from the real problem – the underlying issues that a distraction from the real problem – the underlying issues that contribute to addiction – and a diversion from the solution: finding a path contribute to addiction – and a diversion from the solution: finding a path to recovery. Only by breaking through denial and seeing the truth can to recovery. Only by breaking through denial and seeing the truth can the addict begin to heal.the addict begin to heal.

Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Gett ing TreatmentGett ing Treatment

Addiction takes a powerful hold not only on the addicted person, but on their loved ones and family Addiction takes a powerful hold not only on the addicted person, but on their loved ones and family members. Both the addicted person and their significant others often fight the label of addiction members. Both the addicted person and their significant others often fight the label of addiction because of the old and highly inaccurate belief that addiction is simply a matter of weak will or moral because of the old and highly inaccurate belief that addiction is simply a matter of weak will or moral failing.failing.

In order for someone to get help, they have to first recognize there is a problem. Sometimes it is the In order for someone to get help, they have to first recognize there is a problem. Sometimes it is the pressure from friends and family that finally moves someone to get the help they need. Here are 10 pressure from friends and family that finally moves someone to get the help they need. Here are 10 common lies we tell ourselves to minimize an addiction, either our own addiction or that of a family common lies we tell ourselves to minimize an addiction, either our own addiction or that of a family member, which can delay getting treatment.member, which can delay getting treatment.

1. I can quit anytime I want1. I can quit anytime I wantThis is the common claim of alcoholics and addicts. It’s hard to disprove it because if you say, "Then quit," This is the common claim of alcoholics and addicts. It’s hard to disprove it because if you say, "Then quit,"

they will say they don’t feel like it right now, but they could if they wanted to.they will say they don’t feel like it right now, but they could if they wanted to.2. He is under a lot of stress, so that’s the only reason he’s drinking so much2. He is under a lot of stress, so that’s the only reason he’s drinking so muchThis is one of the most common excuses for excessive drinking or drug use. It is often accompanied by This is one of the most common excuses for excessive drinking or drug use. It is often accompanied by

statements such as, "If I had a better job," "If my wife didn’t nag me," "If I wasn’t so financially statements such as, "If I had a better job," "If my wife didn’t nag me," "If I wasn’t so financially stressed," and similar explanations as to why someone "needs" to drink or use drugs.stressed," and similar explanations as to why someone "needs" to drink or use drugs.

3. My drug use or drinking is my business; i t doesn’t hurt anyone else3. My drug use or drinking is my business; i t doesn’t hurt anyone elseNothing could be further from the truth. The addict is moody, unpredictable, unreliable, and sometimes an Nothing could be further from the truth. The addict is moody, unpredictable, unreliable, and sometimes an

embarrassment. They sometimes drive while intoxicated, making it everyone’s business. They put a embarrassment. They sometimes drive while intoxicated, making it everyone’s business. They put a burden on the health-care system due to the impact addiction has on their body and brain. They can’t burden on the health-care system due to the impact addiction has on their body and brain. They can’t possibly be as productive or work or as good a parent as they could without drugs and alcohol affecting possibly be as productive or work or as good a parent as they could without drugs and alcohol affecting their abilities. Drug addiction and alcoholism take an enormous financial toll on society, and a big their abilities. Drug addiction and alcoholism take an enormous financial toll on society, and a big emotional toll on families.emotional toll on families.

Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Gett ing TreatmentGett ing Treatment

4. She only drinks on the weekends4. She only drinks on the weekendsBinge drinking is a common form of alcoholism. Unfortunately, it tends to be accompanied by even more Binge drinking is a common form of alcoholism. Unfortunately, it tends to be accompanied by even more

denial than you find with daily drinkers. You may have heard the story of the mother who killed herself, denial than you find with daily drinkers. You may have heard the story of the mother who killed herself, some of her children and sibling’s children, as well as another driver and his passenger while driving some of her children and sibling’s children, as well as another driver and his passenger while driving back from a camping trip intoxicated on alcohol and marijuana. All her family members expressed back from a camping trip intoxicated on alcohol and marijuana. All her family members expressed shock, saying she didn’t really drink that much. There has been a growing trend of young mothers shock, saying she didn’t really drink that much. There has been a growing trend of young mothers drinking in a way that disguises the problem. They might drink alone during the day, or binge drink to drinking in a way that disguises the problem. They might drink alone during the day, or binge drink to let lose on the weekends. A person does not have to drink every day to have a problem with alcohol let lose on the weekends. A person does not have to drink every day to have a problem with alcohol that requires treatment.that requires treatment.

5. That DUI was unfair – I wasn’t that drunk5. That DUI was unfair – I wasn’t that drunkDUIs are serious business. When you drive a car under the influence of alcohol or drugs you are not at DUIs are serious business. When you drive a car under the influence of alcohol or drugs you are not at

100%, regardless of how low the blood alcohol content (BAC) is. You are driving a lethal ton or so of 100%, regardless of how low the blood alcohol content (BAC) is. You are driving a lethal ton or so of metal. You need to be totally in control. Occasionally a normal drinker makes a mistake and drives metal. You need to be totally in control. Occasionally a normal drinker makes a mistake and drives after they’ve had one drink, but they did it on an empty stomach, have a low body weight, or just didn’t after they’ve had one drink, but they did it on an empty stomach, have a low body weight, or just didn’t wait long enough. However, if the BAC is well over the legal limit or if they get a second DUI, it’s no wait long enough. However, if the BAC is well over the legal limit or if they get a second DUI, it’s no longer just a single case of poor judgment. Normal drinkers get the message after one DUI. The longer just a single case of poor judgment. Normal drinkers get the message after one DUI. The embarrassment and financial cost are enough to deter future incidents. The alcoholic does not have embarrassment and financial cost are enough to deter future incidents. The alcoholic does not have the ability to make good decisions once they drink, and will tend to get more DUIs.the ability to make good decisions once they drink, and will tend to get more DUIs.

6. The doctor prescribed all those dif ferent medications, so they must be f ine6. The doctor prescribed all those dif ferent medications, so they must be f ineNot all doctors prescribe with care, and not all patients are honest with their doctors. Opiates are the most Not all doctors prescribe with care, and not all patients are honest with their doctors. Opiates are the most

commonly abused prescription drug, along with anti-anxiety and sleeping pills. If you are taking multiple commonly abused prescription drug, along with anti-anxiety and sleeping pills. If you are taking multiple pills that have the effect of suppressing the central nervous system, you are treading dangerous pills that have the effect of suppressing the central nervous system, you are treading dangerous waters. It’s important to look at how many prescriptions the person takes that are classified as a waters. It’s important to look at how many prescriptions the person takes that are classified as a Schedule II, III, or IV controlled substance; taking many different mood-altering drugs is typically very Schedule II, III, or IV controlled substance; taking many different mood-altering drugs is typically very risky and unhealthy behavior. If the person has multiple doctors writing these prescriptions, or goes to risky and unhealthy behavior. If the person has multiple doctors writing these prescriptions, or goes to different pharmacies to fill them, these should set off warning bells.different pharmacies to fill them, these should set off warning bells.

Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Common Ways People Talk Themselves Out of Gett ing TreatmentGett ing Treatment

7. I don’t drink in the morning, so I can’t be an alcoholic7. I don’t drink in the morning, so I can’t be an alcoholicThis is one of those old myths, similar to the I-only-drink-on-weekends myth. When you drink This is one of those old myths, similar to the I-only-drink-on-weekends myth. When you drink

or what time you start really is secondary to how much you drink, how much it affects your or what time you start really is secondary to how much you drink, how much it affects your behavior and life, and how hard it is to stay abstinent from alcohol.behavior and life, and how hard it is to stay abstinent from alcohol.

8. He isn’t that bad; I know people who drink a lot more than that8. He isn’t that bad; I know people who drink a lot more than thatComparing how one person drinks to another is a real trap for some people. Everyone has a Comparing how one person drinks to another is a real trap for some people. Everyone has a

different metabolism and various factors that influence how they are affected by alcohol. different metabolism and various factors that influence how they are affected by alcohol. More important, how other people abuse alcohol isn’t really your concern. Your concern More important, how other people abuse alcohol isn’t really your concern. Your concern should be how alcohol impacts your life. You might say this excuse is akin to saying you’ve should be how alcohol impacts your life. You might say this excuse is akin to saying you’ve only had two heart attacks and you know a guy who’s had four, so you really don’t have only had two heart attacks and you know a guy who’s had four, so you really don’t have heart disease.heart disease.

9. She has a great job and never calls in sick, so she can’t have a problem9. She has a great job and never calls in sick, so she can’t have a problemHigh-functioning alcoholics can get away with abusing substances a lot longer than other High-functioning alcoholics can get away with abusing substances a lot longer than other

people. There are people who just seem able to push through their addiction and maintain people. There are people who just seem able to push through their addiction and maintain an outward appearance of being just fine. Having a good job, lots of money, or great kids an outward appearance of being just fine. Having a good job, lots of money, or great kids does not mean you don’t have an alcohol problem. Examine the areas of your life that does not mean you don’t have an alcohol problem. Examine the areas of your life that could be better if you weren’t under the influence. That’s a more accurate way to assess could be better if you weren’t under the influence. That’s a more accurate way to assess the situation.the situation.

10. I only drink beer and wine, not the hard stuff10. I only drink beer and wine, not the hard stuffOld myths die hard, and this is one of those stories alcoholics tell themselves so they can keep Old myths die hard, and this is one of those stories alcoholics tell themselves so they can keep

on drinking. If you drink six beers every night, you may as well knock back six shots of on drinking. If you drink six beers every night, you may as well knock back six shots of whisky. They are equivalent. What you drink is not important, it’s how you drink and the whisky. They are equivalent. What you drink is not important, it’s how you drink and the impact it has on you, your life, and your family.impact it has on you, your life, and your family.

Surprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug AddictSurprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug Addict

In this age of political correctness, even the most tolerant among us looks at In this age of political correctness, even the most tolerant among us looks at criminals, homeless people, addicts and other “outsiders” with an air of criminals, homeless people, addicts and other “outsiders” with an air of consternation. It’s “them” versus “us,” and somehow it feels safer that way. But if consternation. It’s “them” versus “us,” and somehow it feels safer that way. But if you take a closer look behind the stigma, you may be surprised to find that you you take a closer look behind the stigma, you may be surprised to find that you have more in common with a drug addict than you think. Do any of these traits have more in common with a drug addict than you think. Do any of these traits sound familiar to you?sound familiar to you?

#1 Impulsivi ty (“I want i t and I want it now.”)#1 Impulsivi ty (“I want i t and I want it now.”)Addicts aren’t alone in their insatiable desire for immediate gratification or their appetite for risk-taking. Most Addicts aren’t alone in their insatiable desire for immediate gratification or their appetite for risk-taking. Most

people have felt that twinge of “gotta have it” thinking that is reminiscent of adolescence. Have you people have felt that twinge of “gotta have it” thinking that is reminiscent of adolescence. Have you ever racked up a credit card balance you knew you couldn’t pay? Taken a pill to feel better when your ever racked up a credit card balance you knew you couldn’t pay? Taken a pill to feel better when your problem could’ve been addressed in other ways? Or turned to get-rich-quick schemes or plastic problem could’ve been addressed in other ways? Or turned to get-rich-quick schemes or plastic surgery to reach your goals faster?surgery to reach your goals faster?

Even something as innocuous as a daily coffee habit, a penchant for cupcakes or an obsession with work Even something as innocuous as a daily coffee habit, a penchant for cupcakes or an obsession with work can help you instantly relate to the plight of the addict. Just about everyone has a hole to fill or a pain can help you instantly relate to the plight of the addict. Just about everyone has a hole to fill or a pain to soothe, but not everyone has the internal resources to manage those impulses without settling for to soothe, but not everyone has the internal resources to manage those impulses without settling for the quick fix.the quick fix.

#2 Perfect ionism (“Failure is not an opt ion – and anything less than perfect ion is fai lure.”)#2 Perfect ionism (“Failure is not an opt ion – and anything less than perfect ion is fai lure.”)Perfectionism isn’t limited to the people who seem to have it all. Addicts who have experienced one failure Perfectionism isn’t limited to the people who seem to have it all. Addicts who have experienced one failure

after another can be as idealistic in their mindset as the successful businessperson. Neither gets after another can be as idealistic in their mindset as the successful businessperson. Neither gets where they are through moderation, but rather through harsh self-criticism, impossibly high where they are through moderation, but rather through harsh self-criticism, impossibly high expectations, and an underlying belief that perfection is both possible and necessary.expectations, and an underlying belief that perfection is both possible and necessary.

Surprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug AddictSurprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug Addict

#3 Grandiosity (“The world revolves around me.”)#3 Grandiosity (“The world revolves around me.”)Think you’re hot stuff? Maybe you are, or maybe you’re thinking like an addict. Addicts engage in magical Think you’re hot stuff? Maybe you are, or maybe you’re thinking like an addict. Addicts engage in magical

thinking, creating a fantasy world where they get everything they want and are more important than thinking, creating a fantasy world where they get everything they want and are more important than everyone else. Although it often masks low self-esteem, another characteristic common among everyone else. Although it often masks low self-esteem, another characteristic common among addicts, this inflated sense of self comes off as arrogance and allows addicts to push people away.addicts, this inflated sense of self comes off as arrogance and allows addicts to push people away.

#4 Diff iculty Connecting with People (“I don’t need anyone.”)#4 Diff iculty Connecting with People (“I don’t need anyone.”)Most people feel a strong need for attachment and connection with other people, but some deny this need Most people feel a strong need for attachment and connection with other people, but some deny this need

by isolating themselves. They make excuses for skipping social gatherings, blame others for their by isolating themselves. They make excuses for skipping social gatherings, blame others for their struggles and would rather stay home than face the world. As a result, they (often unknowingly) search struggles and would rather stay home than face the world. As a result, they (often unknowingly) search for connection through drugs, sex or other destructive behaviors.for connection through drugs, sex or other destructive behaviors.

#5 Power and Control (“I call the shots.”)#5 Power and Control (“I call the shots.”)If you’ve been told you’re a control freak, you’re in good company. Addicts often try to control people and If you’ve been told you’re a control freak, you’re in good company. Addicts often try to control people and

things to compensate for a profound feeling of powerlessness. Rather than taking responsibility for things to compensate for a profound feeling of powerlessness. Rather than taking responsibility for their own actions and choices, they shift the blame to others.their own actions and choices, they shift the blame to others.

Surprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug AddictSurprising Traits You May Have in Common with a Drug Addict

#6 Diff iculty Managing Emotions (“Feelings are so painful, I ’d rather feel #6 Diff iculty Managing Emotions (“Feelings are so painful, I ’d rather feel nothing.”nothing.”

When faced with stress, anger or emotional pain, do you:When faced with stress, anger or emotional pain, do you:

(a) do nothing; (a) do nothing; (b) try to feel better through exercise, talking with a friend or some other activity that makes life more (b) try to feel better through exercise, talking with a friend or some other activity that makes life more

tolerable without any negative consequences; or tolerable without any negative consequences; or (c) do whatever it takes to make it go away?(c) do whatever it takes to make it go away?

I f you answered:If you answered:(a), you may have learned from a young age that avoiding feelings was safer than working through (a), you may have learned from a young age that avoiding feelings was safer than working through

them. them. I f you answered:If you answered:(c), you may be tempted to escape through drugs, alcohol or other addictive behaviors rather than (c), you may be tempted to escape through drugs, alcohol or other addictive behaviors rather than

managing emotions in healthy ways. Either way, your coping skills could use some fine tuning.managing emotions in healthy ways. Either way, your coping skills could use some fine tuning.

Perhaps you’ve never struggled with traits or behaviors that in any way resemble addiction. Perhaps you’ve never struggled with traits or behaviors that in any way resemble addiction. If so, you are a rare breed. For the rest of us, focusing on our similarities rather than our differences canIf so, you are a rare breed. For the rest of us, focusing on our similarities rather than our differences caninject a dose of empathy into the national dialogue on addiction. And for that, your inner addict will thank inject a dose of empathy into the national dialogue on addiction. And for that, your inner addict will thank you, and so will the 23 million addicts who are in the fight of their life.you, and so will the 23 million addicts who are in the fight of their life.

BARRIERS TO CHANGECo-dependency

"Codependency is an exaggerated dependent pattern of learned behaviors,beliefs, and feelings that make life painful. It is a dependence on people andthings outside the self, along with neglect of the self to the point of havinglittle self identity." • "Codependency is preoccupation and extreme dependency (emotionally,socially, and sometimes physically) on a person or object. Eventually, thisdependence on another person becomes a pathological condition that affectsthe codependent in all other relationships. This may include all persons who(1) are in a love or marriage relationship with an alcoholic; (2) have one ormore alcoholic parents or grandparents; or (3) grew up in an emotionallyrepressive family….it is a primary disease and a disease within every memberof an alcoholic family."

BARRIERS TO CHANGECo-dependency

"Codependency is ill health, maladaptive or problematic behavior that isassociated with living with, working with, or otherwise being close to, aperson with alcoholism (other chemical dependence or other chronicimpairment). It affects not only individuals, but families, communities,businesses, and other institutions, and even whole societies."

• "Codependency is an emotional, psychological, and behavioral pattern ofcoping that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, andpractice of, a set of oppressive rules--rules which prevent the open expressionof feelings, as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonalproblems."

BARRIERS TO CHANGEThe Concept of Enabling and

the components of Co-dependency

Enabling is a word we toss around quite a bit. It’s so important to understand how it works and the whole process of addiction and family dynamics. We can break it down into two pieces:

Innocent Enabling and Desperate Enabling.

Innocent EnablingInnocent enabling is where most of us start out. We see that there may be problems

associated with the drinking but we don’t really associate the problems with addiction or don’t really connect the dots to the underlying source. After all, this is our beloved Freddie and he’s just giving a hard time. It’s not his fault. We tend to believe that they are just going through a little phase. They are going through a divorce, or they just lost their job…this is temporary, and so we want to help them through it. We might give them some financial help or in any number of ways to ease the pain. What we are really doing, however, unbeknownst to us is we are helping the addiction to thrive in it’s earliest stages. We are taking away the consequences that the person might feel as a result of drinking or drugging, therefore, making it easier for them to continue. And we continue ourselves at this “innocent enabling.” or some period of time. Maybe for weeks or for months until something happens and we have that light go on in our heads where we say, “OMG, he really is an alcoholic or a drug addict. You know, up until this time we might have thought that alcohol or drug addiction happens in other families. We have the tendency to believe that those things only happen to those who live on the other side of the tracks. That’s not happening in our family.

Desperate EnablingWhen we move from innocent enabling to desperate enabling we suddenly realize When we move from innocent enabling to desperate enabling we suddenly realize

that something is happening and it’s evident that they have a substance problem that something is happening and it’s evident that they have a substance problem and we don’t want them to wind up in jail or to get into some kind of trouble, or and we don’t want them to wind up in jail or to get into some kind of trouble, or allow them to become “one of those people on the other side of the tracks.” So allow them to become “one of those people on the other side of the tracks.” So we go into high gear, we lend more money, we cover up to the boss, and then, we go into high gear, we lend more money, we cover up to the boss, and then, unbeknownst to us, we again allowing that addiction to thrive. We begin to live unbeknownst to us, we again allowing that addiction to thrive. We begin to live under the delusion that somehow we are care-givers, that we are doing good, under the delusion that somehow we are care-givers, that we are doing good, we are helping to prop them up even while they are swimming in these stormy we are helping to prop them up even while they are swimming in these stormy seas but in fact we are just being care-takers. We are just taking care of those seas but in fact we are just being care-takers. We are just taking care of those we love…putting band-aids here and there and not really helping at all. There we love…putting band-aids here and there and not really helping at all. There are pieces of rewards that we get from doing the care-taking, enabling are pieces of rewards that we get from doing the care-taking, enabling behaviors. behaviors.

Desperate EnablingThat’s when we step into an acute situation, and fix or take care of the problem in the That’s when we step into an acute situation, and fix or take care of the problem in the

moment. moment.

When we do that we “think” we are experiencing:When we do that we “think” we are experiencing:DELUSION….DELUSION….A sense of control, stepping into the picture and making things better. A sense of control, stepping into the picture and making things better. A natural state of well being and feeling that things might not be so bad. A natural state of well being and feeling that things might not be so bad. A sense of powerfulness, knowing that I have the power to do that. A sense of powerfulness, knowing that I have the power to do that.

When we really want to help we wil l experience:When we really want to help we wil l experience:REALITY….REALITY….A spiritual process called detachment, not the kind where we just let go of the person A spiritual process called detachment, not the kind where we just let go of the person

and let them fall apart or get into trouble. and let them fall apart or get into trouble. A spiritual transformation. Not so much focus on the quick-fix, immediate effects. A spiritual transformation. Not so much focus on the quick-fix, immediate effects. A spiritual movement forward to start doing the right thing, the honest thing, staying A spiritual movement forward to start doing the right thing, the honest thing, staying

true to my values and learning to let go which gives me the freedom to do the true to my values and learning to let go which gives me the freedom to do the right thingright thing

What is an Intervention?What is an Intervention?An intervention is a serious, well-thought-out conversation An intervention is a serious, well-thought-out conversation

with someone expressing concern over his or her drug or with someone expressing concern over his or her drug or alcohol use. It should be supportive and caring, free of alcohol use. It should be supportive and caring, free of anger or blame, and held to let the person know you are anger or blame, and held to let the person know you are there to help. Interventions can be a one-on-one there to help. Interventions can be a one-on-one conversation, but are dramatically more successful if conversation, but are dramatically more successful if several people are involved. Ideally, a group of people several people are involved. Ideally, a group of people that the individual loves and respects comes together that the individual loves and respects comes together and delivers a pre-intervention, rehearsed conversation and delivers a pre-intervention, rehearsed conversation about the addiction. The conversation offers help with a about the addiction. The conversation offers help with a specific goal in mind: specific goal in mind:

Convincing the person to accept treatment.Convincing the person to accept treatment. ..

The ProcessThe ProcessAny intervention requires careful preparation. Any intervention requires careful preparation.

Activities such as choosing the right people to Activities such as choosing the right people to involve, selecting the right treatment center, involve, selecting the right treatment center, preparing for objections that may arise, and preparing for objections that may arise, and picking the right time and place should be picking the right time and place should be completed in advance. The actual intervention completed in advance. The actual intervention conversation consists of each participant reading conversation consists of each participant reading an “intervention letter” to the person of concern, an “intervention letter” to the person of concern, which should be prepared ahead of time. You which should be prepared ahead of time. You don’t have to wait for your loved one to reach don’t have to wait for your loved one to reach “bottom” before intervening. If you are seeing “bottom” before intervening. If you are seeing warning signs for drug or alcohol abuse, the right warning signs for drug or alcohol abuse, the right time to offer help is now.time to offer help is now.

The GOALThe GOALGET LOVED ONE INTO TREATMENTGET LOVED ONE INTO TREATMENTMANAGE THE FAMILYMANAGE THE FAMILYEMPOWER THE FAMILYEMPOWER THE FAMILY

IS THERE A PROBLEM?IS THERE A PROBLEM?

Is There a Drug or Alcohol Problem?Is There a Drug or Alcohol Problem?

It can be difficult to determine how severe a It can be difficult to determine how severe a person’s drug or alcohol use is. People with person’s drug or alcohol use is. People with substance abuse problems often try to hide the substance abuse problems often try to hide the true extent of their use. If you have a very close true extent of their use. If you have a very close relationship with the person, your intuition is relationship with the person, your intuition is often your best indicator. Completing the often your best indicator. Completing the following checklist may help you make a following checklist may help you make a decision:decision:

Warning Signs ChecklistWarning Signs Checklist Has your loved one developed a tolerance toward a substance? Yes NoHas your loved one developed a tolerance toward a substance? Yes No Does it take more of the substance to produce the same effects? Yes NoDoes it take more of the substance to produce the same effects? Yes No Are the eyes often glassy, red, or tired? Dilated pupils? Are the eyes often glassy, red, or tired? Dilated pupils? Yes No Yes No Recently gained or lost a dramatic amount of weight? Recently gained or lost a dramatic amount of weight? Yes No Yes No Have you noticed any unusual cuts, sores, bruises, or burns on the Have you noticed any unusual cuts, sores, bruises, or burns on the

individual, especially on the hands, arms, or face? individual, especially on the hands, arms, or face? Yes Yes NoNo

Does your loved one sweat excessively at unusual times? Does your loved one sweat excessively at unusual times? Yes Yes NoNo

Have they lost control of their substance use? Have they lost control of their substance use? Yes Yes NoNo

Difficulty remembering things? memory loss? Difficulty remembering things? memory loss? Yes Yes NoNo

Overexcited, hyperactive, or unusually talkative? Overexcited, hyperactive, or unusually talkative? Yes Yes NoNo

Is the individual experiencing extreme mood swings? Is the individual experiencing extreme mood swings? Yes Yes NoNo

Uncharacteristic risk-taking--promiscuous sex or driving impaired? Uncharacteristic risk-taking--promiscuous sex or driving impaired? Yes Yes NoNo

Increased involvement with the law Increased involvement with the law Yes Yes NoNo

Increased loss of interest in activities or hobbies once enjoyed? Increased loss of interest in activities or hobbies once enjoyed? Yes Yes NoNo

Does the individual seem unmotivated? Does the individual seem unmotivated? Yes Yes NoNo

Conducting an InterventionConducting an InterventionAn intervention should be carefully thought out and planned before it takes place. Here An intervention should be carefully thought out and planned before it takes place. Here

are some suggestions to guide you through the process:are some suggestions to guide you through the process:

Do your research. Do your research. First, you should research chemical dependency to figure out if what is happening to your First, you should research chemical dependency to figure out if what is happening to your

loved one is cause for concern. The Warning Signs Checklist in this guide can help loved one is cause for concern. The Warning Signs Checklist in this guide can help you determine if there is a problem. You may even want to talk to a therapist or attend you determine if there is a problem. You may even want to talk to a therapist or attend a support group to gain a better understanding of substance abuse. Research a support group to gain a better understanding of substance abuse. Research treatment centers and make reservations in advance for your loved one at an treatment centers and make reservations in advance for your loved one at an appropriate Facilityappropriate Facility

Get people involved. Get people involved. People significant to the individual should gather in a group of 6-8. Keep in mind that People significant to the individual should gather in a group of 6-8. Keep in mind that

these people should be important to him or her. Children may be included if these people should be important to him or her. Children may be included if appropriate.appropriate.

Elect a chairperson. Elect a chairperson. This person will open the intervention with a statement and guide the readers smoothly This person will open the intervention with a statement and guide the readers smoothly

through the process. He or she will also be the only person who talks out of turn to through the process. He or she will also be the only person who talks out of turn to address the individual’s questions or objections.address the individual’s questions or objections.

Conducting an InterventionConducting an InterventionPlan what you are going to say ahead of t ime. Plan what you are going to say ahead of t ime. Each person should write a letter to the person of concern and read it during the intervention. This should Each person should write a letter to the person of concern and read it during the intervention. This should

focus on your love, care, and respect for the individual, as well as your concern and desire to help. Start focus on your love, care, and respect for the individual, as well as your concern and desire to help. Start with what you like about the person and happy memories you have together. Then, voice your concern with what you like about the person and happy memories you have together. Then, voice your concern about the substance abuse and how you feel it has affected both your loved one and others. Speak about the substance abuse and how you feel it has affected both your loved one and others. Speak from the heart, don’t be judgmental, and don’t let the conversation turn into an argument. from the heart, don’t be judgmental, and don’t let the conversation turn into an argument.

Offer treatmentOffer treatment Each person should end their letter by asking the individual to get treatment immediately. Each person should end their letter by asking the individual to get treatment immediately. Once the Once the

person of concern agrees to go to treatment, the intervention is over. person of concern agrees to go to treatment, the intervention is over. It may not be It may not be necessary for everyone to read their prepared letters. If she does not agree, the letter writers may read necessary for everyone to read their prepared letters. If she does not agree, the letter writers may read a set of pre-determined ultimatums or “bottom lines,” explaining what they are prepared to do to stop a set of pre-determined ultimatums or “bottom lines,” explaining what they are prepared to do to stop enabling the addiction.enabling the addiction.

Rehearse. Rehearse. The group members should practice reading their letters to one another and edit them to remove anger, The group members should practice reading their letters to one another and edit them to remove anger,

judgment, and blame. They should also decide the order in which the letters will be read, putting more judgment, and blame. They should also decide the order in which the letters will be read, putting more sensitive readers in between stronger ones.sensitive readers in between stronger ones.

Pick a t ime and place. Pick a t ime and place. Choose a location that is comfortable, private, and accommodating for the entire group. Seating should be Choose a location that is comfortable, private, and accommodating for the entire group. Seating should be

determined ahead of time, including where the person of concern will sit upon arrival. There should be determined ahead of time, including where the person of concern will sit upon arrival. There should be no moving around during the intervention. Everyone involved in the process should be clear-headed no moving around during the intervention. Everyone involved in the process should be clear-headed and sober, including the person of concern (if possible).and sober, including the person of concern (if possible).

WHO SHOULD BE INVOLVED?WHO SHOULD BE INVOLVED?

Who Should Be Involved?Who Should Be Involved? You want to invite people that truly care about the individual and You want to invite people that truly care about the individual and

want to see him or her get better. They should have a close want to see him or her get better. They should have a close relationship with, or be influential to, the person of concern. Every relationship with, or be influential to, the person of concern. Every addict or alcoholic has people in their life that enable them. Itaddict or alcoholic has people in their life that enable them. It

is important that these enablers are present to make it clear that, is important that these enablers are present to make it clear that, should the person refuse treatment, these enabling behaviors will should the person refuse treatment, these enabling behaviors will end. Remember not to let your feelings about a person get in the end. Remember not to let your feelings about a person get in the way of who is included in the intervention; if someone is important to way of who is included in the intervention; if someone is important to your loved one, having him or her present will be beneficial.your loved one, having him or her present will be beneficial.

If a participant is not able to verbalize and follow through If a participant is not able to verbalize and follow through

with their bottom lines, hey should not participate.with their bottom lines, hey should not participate.

LETTER WRITINGLETTER WRITING Writing your intervention letter is often the most difficult part of the process. Here is Writing your intervention letter is often the most difficult part of the process. Here is

a helpful worksheet to help you construct an effective and well-written letter:a helpful worksheet to help you construct an effective and well-written letter:

Choosing the wordsChoosing the words in your intervention letter carefully is critical. Here are in your intervention letter carefully is critical. Here are some tips on how to get your point across to the individual without sounding some tips on how to get your point across to the individual without sounding judgmental or offending him/her:judgmental or offending him/her:

Use sentences that start with “I.” For example, instead of saying, “YouUse sentences that start with “I.” For example, instead of saying, “You worry me when you don’t come home at night,” say, “worry me when you don’t come home at night,” say, “I I worry when you’re out so worry when you’re out so

late.” This removes the blame from your tone.late.” This removes the blame from your tone. Stay away from calling the individual an “addict,” “junkie,” “alcoholic,” or other Stay away from calling the individual an “addict,” “junkie,” “alcoholic,” or other

label.label. Avoid generalizations such as “You always miss work because you’re high.” Avoid generalizations such as “You always miss work because you’re high.”

Instead, use specific examples such as “Last week, you missed work on Tuesday Instead, use specific examples such as “Last week, you missed work on Tuesday and Friday because you were high.” These will make the allegations hard to deny and Friday because you were high.” These will make the allegations hard to deny and your intervention more effective.and your intervention more effective.

Use words that describe how you feel without expressing blame or judgment Use words that describe how you feel without expressing blame or judgment such as: angry, concerned, confused, discouraged, frustrated, helpless, hurt, such as: angry, concerned, confused, discouraged, frustrated, helpless, hurt, lonely, or worried.lonely, or worried.

SHOW CARE & CONCERNSHOW CARE & CONCERNThis is where you try to remind the person of what his or her life was like before drugs and

alcohol. At the same time, emphasize that you love and care about the individual.

Ask for his or her full attention and tell him or her that you are speaking sincerely and from the heart.

Start your letter with: “(Person’s name), I am here today because I love and care about you. This is why I want you to seek treatment for your drug/alcohol abuse.”

What are some nice memories you have of the person? Please be as specific as possible, using personal stories or examples.

___________________________________________________________

What is something fun you used to do together?_____________________________________________________________________

What were some of the person’s hobbies before his or her addiction started?_____________________________________________________________________

Are there any notable things that the person accomplished in the past?___________________________________________________________

ALCOHOL & DRUG USEALCOHOL & DRUG USEThis is where you cite changes in the person’s behavior since he or she started abusingalcohol. Remember not to blame or judge the addiction or addicted individual whileyou discuss the negative effects of his or her use.

What have been some negative effects of drug or alcohol abuse on the person’s life?______________________________________________________________________Has he or she suffered any serious consequences? Use specific stories and exampleswhen possible.____________________________________________________________

How has his or her use affected you…Physically?____________________________________________________________

Mentally?____________________________________________________________

Financially?____________________________________________________________

What are you concerned will happen if the addiction continues?______________________________________________________________________

CLOSING STATEMENTSCLOSING STATEMENTSIn the last part of your letter, you should repeat how much you care about the person

and how concerned you are about his or her health. The intervention team should have treatment and transportation pre-arranged and you should be ready to explain why the person should seek treatment, as well as answer questions he or she may have. At the end of your letter, request that the person enter treatment immediately (today).

How do you think the person will benefit from treatment?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Where and when are you sending him or her to treatment? How is he/she getting there?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Finish this section by saying:

“Will you take the treatment that is being offered to you today?”

BOTTOM LINESBOTTOM LINESIf a person does not agree to seek treatment after you finish reading the first three sections of your letter, you should proceed to your bottom lines. These are

actions that show you are ready to stop enabling the person’s addiction and start helping.

Very important: Only read your bottom lines if the person refuses treatment.

If your loved one has already agreed to go to treatment, there is no need to introduce the stress of ultimatums. In addition, these should be actions that you will follow through with without wavering or compromising. The effectiveness of bottom lines lies in their strong enforcement, which often leads to your loved one accepting treatment.

If you have any questions about planning orconducting your intervention, please call

Intell igent Intervention’s Addiction Helplineat 913-624-9053.

BLINDSPOTSBLINDSPOTSNote: you must be prepared to enforce your bottom lines immediately. Thus, they should be carefully considered based on their feasibility and practicality for you personally. Consulting with a professional is strongly suggested when determining bottom lines, because what may work in one situation may cause great harm in another.

What is something specific you have been doing to enable the person’s use?

_________________________________________________

What is something specific you do to enable the person’s use? __________________________________________

What are you willing to do to completely stop this behavior?__________________________________________

SAMPLE LETTERSAMPLE LETTERI am here today because I love you. Throughout my life, you have supported me in everything I have wanted to

do. You stood proudly in the stands during my high school soccer games, sat in the audience during my college graduation, and watched the birth of my first son, James. I always admired your sunny outlook on life and love of helping people. Over the last decade, your involvement with building houses every weekend for those less fortunate than you has been inspiring. It caused the whole family to go build with you when it fit into our schedules, providing us with an opportunity to become closer as we did something good for others together. I miss doing this activity with you.

Mom, your drinking has become a problem that you cannot control on your own. It is affecting your relationship with the whole family and me. Friday night, when James, Mike and I came over for dinner, you smelled like alcohol when you answered the door. You drank an entire bottle of wine while we ate, and you kept sneaking back to the kitchen to refill your glass while we watched a movie after-wards. By the end of the evening, you had mixed up all of our names. When I arrived to pick you up on Saturday morning, you were still in your pajamas and too drunk to join me at the building event. Before alcohol took over, building used to be one of

your favorite activities.James has asked me if he can stop visiting your house after school. He is saddened when you are drunk when

he arrives and feels unsafe ever since you passed out with the oven on, causing dinner to start smoking and the fire alarms to go off. We feel like we have lost a family member and companion, as alcohol has changed you, and are afraid that we may never get you back if you don’t seek treatment. We are not mad, we just want what is best for you, and that is seeking treatment today.

We have reserved you a spot at a treatment center. They are expecting you tonight. It is not far from here, and Mike has agreed to drive you. I have already packed you a bag, it is waiting in the car, and Dad is perfectly capable of taking care of the dogs and the housework on his own. Your drinking doesn’t have to go on any longer, help is waiting for you.

Please, wil l you take the treatment that is being offered to you today?

Love, Marla

OBJECTIONSOBJECTIONSHandling Objections during the Intervention

In most cases, the addict or alcoholic will offer reasons why he or she can’t go to treatment. Try to anticipate your loved one’s objections ahead of time and formulate responses that reinforce your desire for him or her to get help. Also, be prepared for the individual to become angry, defensive, or even violent, and remember to stay as calm and caring as possible during the process.

THE RIGHT TREATMENT THE RIGHT TREATMENT CENTERCENTER

Choosing the Right Treatment Center for Your Loved One

You should have a rehab facility chosen and a reservation for your loved one in place before you conduct your intervention. When selecting a rehab facility, it is important to consider his or her individual situation. In order to match your loved one’s personal

recovery needs with the services and environment provided by the treatment center, you need to know the right questions to ask. Here are some examples:

TO CONSIDERTO CONSIDER• Does the drug and alcohol rehab center treat adults or adolescents?• Does the treatment center provide 24-hour nursing staff?• Does the facility have both a medical doctor and psychiatrist on staff to care for

patients?• Does the facility provide an on-site medical detox?• Does the facility treat dual diagnosis? (A dual diagnosis is the presence of a

psychiatric disorder that co-exists with an individual’s addiction. A treatment center must treat both diseases to provide a patient with the chance for long-term sobriety.)

• Does the treatment center provide specialty treatment programs for specific populations such as Christians or GLBTQ? (This is critical because it relates to the center’s ability to provide individualized treatment.)

• Does the rehab center offer a family program? (Addiction can put a lot of strain on an individual’s family and loved ones. An optimal treatment center will have a program to help them cope with the damage the addiction caused and repair their relationships with the individual in recovery.)

• Does the center feature multiple levels of care? (Having a detox program at the beginning of treatment or an aftercare plan at the end gives a patient the best chance to get and stay sober.)

• Does the treatment facility accept insurance?

How Friends and Family Can Help Themselves

Addiction is often referred to as a “family disease” because it affects not only the afflicted individual but also his or her family and friends. It is not easy recovering from the strain that a loved one’s addiction has put on you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Many treatment facilities offer programs designed to help family members cope with the damage caused by a loved one’s addiction while repairing their relationship with the individual. In addition to a rehabilitation center’s family program, you should also take advantage of these available resources:

RESOURCESRESOURCES

Al-Anon Al-Anon (and its group for teens, Alateen) is a support group for those affected by someone addicted to alcohol. Meetings offer individuals the opportunity to share stories and hope with others who understand their situation. Go to website http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

CoDA, short for Co-Dependents Anonymous, is an organization devoted to helping people develop healthy relationships. It is perfect for those trying to repair relationships damaged by drug or alcohol addiction.

Go to website http://www.coda.org

ACA ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, is a support group for those who grew up in a home with an alcoholic or otherwise addicted family member. It focuses on identifying and understanding the influences that the addiction has had on each member’s life. Go to website http://www.adultchi ldren.org

I f the Intervention Doesn’t Achieve Its Goal

The goal of an intervention is to inspire a change in the addicted individual’s lifestyle. Most often, this change involves an immediate trip to a rehab facility to get help with becoming sober. More often than not, an intervention is met with success; however, your loved one may refuse to admit that he or she has a problem or decline to accept the treatment option you have provided. If this happens, know that having an intervention was the best thing you could do.

Additional ResourcesFor additional information on addiction, interventions,

and rehabilitation facilities, you may find the following resources helpful.

Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.comSAMHSA http://www.samhsa.govThe National Institute on Drug Abuse http://www.drugabuse.govThe Office of National Drug Control Policy http://www.ondcp.govAlcoholics Anonymous http://www.aa.orgNarcotics Anonymous http://www.na.org

AssistanceAssistance

If you have any questions about planning or conducting your intervention, please call our

All Addictions Helpline at 913-624-9053.

Self-Help Therapeutic Action Networkwww.intelligentinterventions.com