Yosef & Binie’s Wedding @ 42

Let’s Get Dressed @ 46

Getting Carded For Love @ 52

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By Lynn Wexler

Yosef & Binie’sWedding

“You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who created joy and celebration, bridegroom and bride, rejoicing, ju-bilation, pleasure and delight, love and brotherhood, peace and friendship. May there soon be heard, Lord our G-d, in the cities of Judea and in the streets of Jerusalem, the sound of joy and the sound of celebration, the voice of a bridegroom and the voice of a bride, the happy shouting of bridegrooms from their weddings and of young men from their feasts of song. You are blessed, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and the bride rejoice together.”

— From the Seven Blessings Prayer.

“A t the right hand does the queen stand,” read the grooms-man from Psalm 45:10. He was referring to Binie Harlig, the Kallah (bride), regal and resplendent in white as she

held court under the Chuppah (wedding canopy) with the Choson (groom), Yosef Rivkin, steadfast to her left.

Wedding rituals tie us to our cultures. And tying the knot in any culture comes with an extensive list of traditions and rituals integral to the marriage ceremony. � ese rites and customs serve as oppor-tunities to celebrate origins, ancestors and faith, often using cloth-ing, objects and food as symbolic reminders.

In the Jewish tradition the bride is a queen and the groom a king. On a chilly, but clear evening, poolside at the South Point Hotel in Las Vegas, more than 700 guests came to witness and rejoice in Yo-sef and Binie’s traditional Chassidic wedding.

Binie is the daughter of Rabbi Shea and Dina Harlig, considered by many to be Chabad royalty in the greater Las Vegas Jewish com-

munity. O� cially, Rabbi Harlig is the regional director of Chabad in Southern Nevada.

Similarly, Yosef is the son of Rabbi Zelig and Bluma Rivkin, the director of Chabad of Louisiana and the royalty equivalent of New Orleans.

Founded in Russia in 1775, upon the teachings of Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov, the Chabad Chassidic movement adheres to the Or-thodox practices of Judaism while embracing the texts of the Zohar, a book containing Jewish mystical thought known as Kabbalah. Today, Chabad is the largest Jewish religious organization in the world, with its o� cial headquarters in Crown Heights, N.Y.

Rabbi Harlig was 25, newly married, when he and Dina moved to Las Vegas to open Chabad in 1990. He was the only yarmulke-wearing Jew out of a population of 30,000 Jews at that time … a status he relished.

“For some, that might seem like lousy odds,” he says, “but it’s just

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what I wanted - a place where I could make things happen.” Fast forward to their daughter’s wedding and so many goals real-

ized. Rabbi Harlig took in the bittersweet moment as his beautiful Binie was escorted down the aisle by her mother and mother-in-law to the Chuppah where her new life with Yosef awaited. She would no longer live in the home that he and Dina conscientiously built for their family. �e procession marked the passing of the torch of Chassidic traditions to Binie and Yosef to ful�ll on their own.

“It was a highlight for me to have merited this moment …to have properly ful�lled my obligation and responsibility as a father and husband,” Rabbi Harlig says, “to have successfully raised and pre-pared Binie for this occasion.”

�e process that brought Binie and Yosef together is also a Chas-sidic tradition. It’s customary for parents in the Chassidic commu-nity to begin the search for a suitable mate for their son or daughter once the children are 18 to 22 years old.

“�ere is no dating in the religious community in the usual sense,” Dina says. “Once a young person is eligible to marry, it’s time to �nd a suitable mate.”

What might have seemed like irony for a Chassidic boy from New Orleans to marry a Chassidic girl from Las Vegas was actually the re-sult of deliberate and extensive inquiry on the part of both families.

“�e decision to introduce them was well thought out,” Rabbi Harlig says. “But once they met each other, it was up to them as to whether they wanted to move forward or not.”

�e union excited Rabbi Mendel Rivkin, the groom’s brother. “Here is a boy who grew up in a Chabad House, within earshot of Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street, and a girl who grew up in a Chabad House in the shadow of the neon glitz of the Las Vegas Strip,” Rivkin says. “Neither city is known for holiness, yet Binie and Yosef are �ne, upstanding Jews committed to the Chabad way of life, in-fused with Torah and mitzvot (commandments).”

Dina says that, in addition to growing up in “less than holy” cities, both were raised by Chabad parents who are community leaders in-volved in outreach; and both went to Chabad Day Schools o�ering a

50/50 curriculum between religious and secular studies, as opposed to Yeshiva learning that can be anywhere from 100 percent religious study to a 70/30 religious-secular split.

�e rabbi says that, while some in the secular community �nd this apparent lack of freedom to be objectionable, many have ex-pressed admiration, wishing they could in�uence their children to choose a suitable, let alone Jewish, mate. All too often their chil-dren choose a mate for the wrong reasons or outside of the faith, and the marriages don’t last.

According to the late Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe and the leader of the Chabad Lubavitch move-ment, a Jewish marriage is called a binyan adei ad — an everlasting edi�ce. �e building of any structure requires crucial measures to ensure the integrity and durability of the foundation, without which the walls, roof and decorations likely would collapse. Similarly, if the marital foundation is unsound structurally, trouble could result. A Chassidic Jewish marriage thus is based on the rock-solid funda-mentals of the Torah.

It’s customary for the bride and groom to refrain from seeing each other the week before the wedding.

�e morning of the wedding begins with the bride and groom fasting until the conclusion of the ceremony. As with Yom Kippur, the fast is an e�ort in earnest to erase all previous transgressions, as the couple begin their new life together.

A number of rituals take place at the wedding site before the cer-emony under the Chuppah. �e �rst, Kabbalas Ponim (greeting the bride and groom), are separate receptions for the man and woman. Family and friends bless them and extend their heartfelt wishes. Women visit the bride, men the groom.

�e groom recites a Chassidic discourse to his guests on the sig-ni�cance of marriage according to Jewish mysticism. �e Maamar Lecha Dodi describes how the bride and groom together attain a level of spirituality higher than when they were separate.

�e signing of the Ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) by the two male witnesses occurs next. Despite its testimony that the groom

Above: Newly weds, Binie and Yosef greet their guests after the Chuppah, Right: Binie and her mother Dina Harlig dancing as they enter the reception.

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has “acquired” the bride, the Ketubah is about the bride’s rights, her willingness to take part in the marriage and the groom’s responsi-bilities to her under Jewish law.

As guests head to their seats under the stars for the main event, the groom visits his bride for the �rst time in a week for the Bedeken (veiling of the bride). Reminiscent of the biblical story in which Jacob did not see his bride’s face beforehand, and was tricked into marrying the wrong sister, the groom lowers the veil covering her face, symbol-izing the modesty, dignity and chastity that characterizes the Jewish woman. �e bride remains veiled until the ceremony ends.

�e groom unties all knots on his garments, including his shoe-laces, representing premarital bonds that are now null and void. He dons a white robe called a Kittel, traditionally worn on Yom Kippur to recall the purity of the occasion, and begins his journey to the Chuppah escorted by his father and father-in-law.

�e Chuppah is intentionally located outside, to remind those present of G-d’s blessing to Abraham that his seed will multiply and be as numer-ous as the stars, and of Abraham’s renowned hospitality. Like Abraham’s tent, the Chuppah welcomes “visitors” from all four sides, including the souls of the couple’s ancestors who are believed to descend upon the cer-emony from the “world of truth” to attend the wedding.

Yosef and his entourage are now in place for the dramatic mo-ment guests have been patiently awaiting. Binie appears at the end of the aisle — a vision in white and her face hidden by the veil. She glides down the aisle toward her beshert (destiny), guided by her mother and mother-in-law, as traditional Jewish music �lls the air.

Once under the Chuppah, the bride and her family circle the groom seven times. Many explanations are o�ered for this ritual – in particular, as the Earth was created in seven days, marriage is a re-enactment of the creative process.

�e Kiddushin (betrothal ceremony) begins with a blessing over wine that bride and groom sip. �e groom recites an ancient Arama-ic phrase as he places a simple solid gold wedding band on his bride’s right index �nger — the �nger believed to be connected to the heart directly. �e Ketubah is then read aloud in English and Aramaic, fol-

lowed by the Sheva B’rachot (seven blessings), consisting of praise for God, peace in Jerusalem and good wishes for the couple.

Nothing says Jewish wedding more than the sound of breaking glass. �e groom concludes the ceremony by smashing a wine glass with his left foot – a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem.

It’s also the o�cial signal to shout “Mazel Tov!” and get the party start-ed. Joy, revelry and abundance follow, with music, dance, food, drink, speeches and blessings that carry on well into the wee hours. And it’s all done with a Mehitzah (barrier) separating the men from the women.

In the meantime, the newlyweds retreat to a private room for 15 minutes of alone time. Called Yihud (seclusion), the ritual allows them to brie�y escape the maddening crowd as they break their fast for the �rst time as husband and wife.

“You have to be there to appreciate it,” said wedding guest Orly Si-nai. “�ere’s something to be said for the kind of fun you have when you let loose with the girls. �e same goes for the guys,” she adds.

“Yes, it’s fun,” said wedding guest Rabbi Kalman Shor. “But it’s more a matter of following the Halacha (Jewish law) of Tznuis (modest dress and behavior). All that merrymaking can lead to inappropriate behavior in mixed company. Why ruin a good time if it can be avoided?”

Dr. Lloyd Newell, author, and Marriage, Family and Human De-velopment expert, notes in his research that: “Like Tevye’s world in Fiddler on the Roof, traditions and rituals serve individuals, families and communities as a source of strength, identity, and faith; they provide stability in times of uncertainty; they o�er a sense of be-longing to a group of people and not being alone in the world; they are the cement that keeps it all together.”

Weddings are one of the most universally celebrated of all tradi-tions in the world. Despite the di�erent ritual expressions and practices of each culture in accordance with their religious and social mores, the intention is the same … the corporal, emotional and spiritual fusion of the bride and groom.

Binie and Yosef’s marriage, forged by rich and enduring traditions and honored through ritual, not only promises but demands by their example a better world.

Left: Binie dancing with her new mother-in-law, Bluma Rivkin, Above: Yosef and his new father-in-law, Rabbi Shea Harlig dance with the men.

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