Face to Face with Life’s Challenges

Make and TakeConflict Resolution

Please sign in…Agency Name, # of attendees in your groupWho wants CEUS? Type their Name, CEU

Your Conflict Frequency…Choose the answer that best represents the

majority of your group.

How often do you experience “conflict” at work?

A. A few times a yearB. Several Times a monthC. Several Times a weekD. Every day that ends in a “Y” 2

In your chat box... “What are youso afraid of?”

Why do we avoid difficult conversations?

Conflict Defined

“a struggle to resist or overcome; a contest of opposing forces; strife; battle; a state or condition of opposition; antagonism; discord; clash; collision.” 

Conflict arises from a multitude of sources that reflect our differences: personality, values, ideologies, religion,

culture, race, and behavior.

It also arises from simple misunderstandings.

Sources of Conflict

In your feedback box, please answer YES or NO

“A majority of the people in our group took the pre-webinar “Conflict Styles” quiz.

Based on the pre-webinar quiz results, please type

the Conflict Style which is most common among your group:

A. CollaboratingB. CompetingC. AvoidingD. HarmonizingE. Compromising

2 Part Question…Let’s check out your Style

"The quickest way to kindle a fire is to rub

two opposing opinions together."

Co-workersCustomers

If we are going to tackle these difficult conversations with confidence, you need a game

plan for:

What are some of the difficult conversations you dread having with a co-worker or subordinate staff?

Co-workers

Choose the answer that best represents the majority of your group.

“When I NEED to have a difficult conversation with a co-worker, supervisor or subordinate I make it a rule to prepare in advance.”

A. AlwaysB. TypicallyC. Once in a whileD. Only when I’m offered a fabulous prize

Are you a planner?

Begin with the end in mind Prepare- Decide in advance

• The points you need to make

• Your desired outcome

• Try to anticipate their response

Could I have any bias? What could their story be? What could their intentions be? Did I play a role in this?

How strongly do you agree with this statement?

“When dealing with co-workers or subordinates, I always try to realize what part I played in

causing the conflict.”

Think about….

Tell It: Factually state the situation as you see it.

Ask them to tell you why the situation occurs.

Listen Actively: Listen and Repeat what you hear.

Express your feelings about the situation.

Say what you would like to happen, or what you want the next step to be.

The TALES of Conflict Management

•Just the facts.

•Describe what happened.

•Be respectful.

•No judgment or emotion.

Tell It – Your side of the story

Ask them for their story.

Just the facts.

What is their thought process.

What was their desired outcome?

Ask

LISTEN ACTIVELY.

Ask questions to clarify a point. When the person is finished, repeat what you

heard.

DO NOT change, or add anything.

Repeat process until you get agreement from them that you understand correctly.

LISTEN!

In your chat box, list some ways you know when someone is NOT listening actively?

Describe the error or problem as soon as possible, clearly and without blame.

  Show its negative impact.   If appropriate, take the blame for not

making the task clear.  Go over the task in detail making sure it is

clearly understood.  Express your continuing trust and

confidence in the person.

Express

In your feedback box…How strongly do you agree with this

statement…

“From the very beginning of the training process, it is part of our agency’s culture

to clearly outline

expectations and explain

how success will be measured.”

Let’s start at the very beginning.

Express your expectations.

What does success look like to you?

What does it look like if they are not meeting your expectations or exceeding them?

Share some examples.

Say

Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against, not with the wind.

A. You have a staff member who has been late twice in the last two weeks

B. You feel that your co-worker did not pull their weight recently when the two of you were assigned to a project

C. You are upset with the way a co-worker spoke to you in front of customers or other co-workers

D. You are not satisfied with the performance of a staff member on the task of preparing a summer sports activity calendar

Let’s look at some Co-worker issues:

Which of the above situations do you feel would be the most difficult to

deal with?

Choose a positive context

Focusing on improvements instead of mistakes can defuse the tension

Initiate the Conversation

1. "I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.“

2. "I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk privately?“

3. "I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)?" If they say, "Sure, let me get back to you," follow up with them.

4. "I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this.“

5. "I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas on how to _____________________.“

6. "I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.“

7. "I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.

Conversation starters

"To belittle is to BE little."

Praise Publicly – Criticize Privately

The problem you avoid today

will never really go away!

Praise people immediately

Be specific about what they did right or almost right

Share your positive feelings about what they did

Encourage them to keep up the good work

A few helpful hints … for fewer difficult conversations

Who have you praised on your team this week? Why?

“They may forget what you said,

but they will never forget how you made them feel.“

Carl W. Buechner

The Customer is always right?

In your chat box, list some customer service issues that challenge you and can create

conflict?

Manage the first two minutes◦Determine what the customer wants

Listen◦Be an active listener ◦Ask clarifying questions, repeat

what you hear◦Respond Quickly

Maintain Control◦Show empathy ◦Model and reward the behavior you

want to receive

Customer Conflict Strategies

Now hear this…

When it comes to communication which of these “speaks” the loudest?

A. Tone of voiceB. Actual message and wordsC. Body languageD. The color of your shirt

Be direct and assertive, not aggressive◦Friendly but firm◦Don’t be a door mat◦Look for the win-win

Focus on “Can-do” not Can’t-do”◦We tend to do the “can’t” ◦Lead with the negative

Defeat the problem not the person

Customer Conflict Strategies

Check your body language◦ Eye contact◦ Open body◦ Maintain voice control◦ Mirror the behavior you want

Be positive◦ Smile – if appropriate◦ Be positive, friendly, it isn’t a personal

attack◦ Show the customer that you care about

the situation◦ Look at the problem from their prospective◦ Be on their team

Customer Conflict Strategies

Keep Your Toolbox Well Stocked

A. I can help you faster if…

B. It would be easier if…C. I understand you

want…D. This is what I can do

for you…E. I can understand how

you feel when…F. I would feel the same

way too if it happened to me…

Conflict is inevitable

But combat is optional.

If only I were empowered…

What repetitive customer issues arise in your agency which cause conflict, that you WISH you were empowered to FIX?

Know Your Options What are your individual

limits? How much are you

empowered to do? Refunds? Freebies? Break the “Rules”?

Red and Blue policies You always have more

options than the customer, it’s time to SHARE those options!

If you never pick up the sword, you won’t have to worry about falling on it.

Feedback please…

How strongly do you agree with this statement?

“As a result of this webinar, I know that when the

next conflict pops up, I will be much better

equipped to handle it.”

38

Where will you go from here?

In the chat box…Please list your favorite

ideas or strategies you gained from this webinar.

39

Thank you for your hard work!

Marie’s contact info…

40

Marie Knight, DirectorCity of Orange Community Services

mknight@cityoforange.org 714-744-7277

Next Month’s Webinar…

41

Make and Take Performance Improvement

The GAP Method Generating Awesome Performance Dr. Keith Fulthorp, CSU Long Beach Performance Gap applies to everyone who

supervises FT/PT or even volunteers