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Managing Conflict

Working with SOCIAL STYLE® Series

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Managing Conflict

3© THE TRACOM CORPORATION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Style and Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

The Role of SOCIAL STYLE® in Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Do Style Differences Play a Role in Conflict? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

The Four SOCIAL STYLES and Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

What Does Conflict Look Like with Each of the SOCIAL STYLES? . . . 10

Smart Planning: Minimizing Potential Conflicts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Five Key Steps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Identifying Situations that Lead to Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Evaluate the Likelihood that Conflict Might Occur . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Identifying SOCIAL STYLES — Yourself Included . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Understanding Behavioral Preferences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Planning Your Interactions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

Smart Planning Worksheet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

Heat of the Moment: Handling Conflicts as They Occur . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Using SOCIAL STYLE to Diffuse Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

The Steps to Minimize Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

Applying the Steps to Each of the SOCIAL STYLES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

Post-Mortem: Repairing the Effects of Conflicts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Repairing the Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

Moving Forward . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

In Closing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47

Next Steps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

Appendix: Style-Specific Conflicts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

Managing Conflict


Introduction: Style and Conflict

In a study that won an award from the National Science Foundation for excellence

in research1, the authors reported that managers spend up to 42% of their work time

resolving interpersonal friction, conflict, refusal to collaborate, and other forms of non-

productive behavior in the workplace. That’s almost half a week focused on nothing but

conflict. And depending on your own place of work, that figure might seem low to you!

Conflict in the workplace is simply a reality. You might be in the middle of a particular

conflict or affected by the conflicts of others. In either case, there are things you can do to

reduce the likelihood, duration and long-term impact of conflicts. This guide is designed

to provide you with specific techniques for applying SOCIAL STYLE to conflict situations

in the workplace.

The guide assumes that you have already attended a training session, been profiled using

a SOCIAL STYLE instrument, and have a solid grounding in both SOCIAL STYLE and

Versatility concepts. It is highly recommended that you review your SOCIAL STYLE and

Versatility Profile Reports prior to reading this guide.

This guide will show you how to use SOCIAL STYLE to:

• Anticipate conflicts and reduce their occurrence

• Deal with conflicts as they arise and head them off before they escalate

• Repair the damage after a conflict has occurred

1 Watson, C., & Hoffman, R. (1996). Managers as Negotiators. Leadership Quarterly, 7(1).

Managing Conflict


The Role of SOCIAL STYLE in Conflict

scenario: As the Director of Events for a large trade association, Jay was responsible for

coordinating the staffing plan for the membership convention to be held in two weeks.

This was an important event for the association because it was the only time members

and association staff actually met face-to-face. It was also the most visible part of Jay’s

job. He enjoyed the opportunity to lead such a high-profile project.

In years past, Jay had “borrowed” employees from other departments to help with

tasks such as staffing the member check-in desk and facilitating some of the meetings.

But this year Jay encountered a surprise as he was distributing the individual job

assignments. Ron, a member of the accounting department told him that no one from

accounting would be able to help at the meeting this year. Jay was shocked, as several

members of accounting had been available in previous years. Ron explained that

because the membership meeting had been moved back two weeks, it conflicted with

the deadline for filing quarterly financial documents. Sarah, the Director of Finance, had

made the decision and was firm that all accounting staff were required to successfully

meet the deadline.

Ron could see from Jay’s reaction to the news that he was quite upset. Ron’s apologies

and offers to help “any way he could” did little to calm Jay’s anger. Jay said to Ron, “I

am not sure who she thinks she is, but I am not going to let Sarah ruin this event for

me,” as he quickly hustled off to fix this problem. At this point Ron realized he probably

opened up a can of worms and sought out Sarah to explain.



Do Style Differences Play a Role in Conflict?

Most likely you have seen similar situations in your own work experiences. In this case

it appears that Jay and Sarah are quickly heading into a conversation that is likely to end

up causing a full-blown conflict. In some cases conflict arises as a result of fundamental

work issues. In this instance competing demands on the time of the accounting staff

were the root issue. But whatever the initial cause, interpersonal behaviors may cause a

potential conflict to grow into something much larger.

Managing Conflict with Style is a guide to help you deal with conflict using the

proven principles of SOCIAL STYLE. Because every conflict or potential conflict you

encounter will involve multiple people, it also will typically involve multiple SOCIAL

STYLES. And people of each SOCIAL STYLE have preferred ways to act and interact.

Whether you are embroiled in the conflict or on the periphery, your knowledge and skill in

applying SOCIAL STYLE will put you in a position to head off or resolve the conflict more

productively.

From your previous Style training, you’ll remember that Versatility is a measurement of

how effectively you work with others. By applying the information you have learned about

SOCIAL STYLE, you will be improving your Versatility and focusing on the behavioral

needs of others. By communicating with others in a way they most prefer, you can make

them more comfortable when tensions are rising, which can help to head-off conflicts and

effectively deal with them as they occur.

Of course even the most adept use of SOCIAL STYLE can’t eliminate all workplace

conflict. Conflict can come from sources that are outside of the control of the people

involved. Yet even when a conflict is not originally based on interpersonal differences,

such differences frequently contribute to and exacerbate conflict. This guide will help

ensure that your Style behaviors don’t lead to conflict and show you how they can even

help move conflicts to successful resolution. It will teach how to take such behavioral

issues “off the table,” so you can focus on the underlying challenges. Because you have

previously been trained in SOCIAL STYLE and Versatility concepts, this guide does not

discuss them in detail, but rather shows how those concepts can be applied in various

conflict situations.

Since the SOCIAL STYLE ModelTM was developed in the 1960s, thousands of

organizations have used Style and Versatility to improve organizational and

interpersonal productivity, including dealing effectively with conflict. In a recent

survey of SOCIAL STYLE program participants, just over 95% of them said applying the

knowledge they learned would help to reduce conflict in their workplace.

Managing Conflict


scenario: By the time Jay got back to his desk he was furious. He thought the filing

deadline sounded like an excuse not to help with the conference and he was ready to

fight this one out. Without hesitation he immediately phoned Sarah. She clearly didn’t

understand the importance of this meeting, and he was determined to educate her.

When she didn’t answer he left an abrupt voice mail message letting Sarah know how

he felt about the situation. He then followed up with an e-mail message essentially

demanding that accounting staff be available for the meeting, or he would take the issue

to the association’s Chief Operating Officer.

Sarah was not in her office when Jay called because she was involved with a previously

scheduled meeting. In fact, Sarah didn’t learn of the brewing conflict until Ron found her

later in the morning. While Ron was clearly worried about the situation, Sarah was not

fazed. After all, she thought, any business person can understand the importance of

meeting the filing deadline. Nobody would expect anything less than efficient compliance.

She printed out a copy of the department procedures and her calendar and made plans

to see Jay after completing her weekly review with the audit department.



The Four SOCIAL STYLES and Conflict

You will recall from your SOCIAL STYLE training that there are fundamental differences

in the preferred way each of the four SOCIAL STYLES behaves, talks, uses time, works

with others and makes decisions. While it may not yet be apparent to either Jay or Sarah,

they have different SOCIAL STYLES and thus, different preferred patterns of behavior.

During the best of times, when stress is not too high and things are generally running

smoothly, our Style differences don’t cause major issues. We and our co-workers can go

about our business, relying on our comfortable ways of getting things done. In fact, we are

barely aware of these differences, and we may consider other people’s behavioral Styles

as only minor inconveniences to our own way of doing things. However, as stress mounts,

especially when we have to work closely with others, our Styles become more noticeable

and more apt to enhance conflict.

When a tense situation arises or an interaction becomes uncomfortable, people will rely

even more on their preferred patterns of behavior to solve the problem at hand. If both

parties are focused on their own needs and not the other person’s needs, tension will

grow. This mounting tension will often lead to or greatly contribute to a conflict between

individuals. The specific triggers of tension vary by SOCIAL STYLE.

Be aware that even if you do not perceive a conflict, but another person believes there is a

conflict, then a conflict exists. Even if the conflict did not begin as an interpersonal dispute,

behavioral Style differences can turn a minor issue into a much more difficult situation. Your

ability to effectively use SOCIAL STYLE skills can remove personal behavioral preferences

from a situation, allowing you to focus on the underlying issues at hand.

What Does Conflict Look Like with Each of the SOCIAL STYLES?

Let’s now review each SOCIAL STYLE to see how they deal with conflict through their

preferred actions toward others, use of time and approach to decision-making. By doing

this you will begin to understand how to use your knowledge of Style to prepare for

potential conflicts, thus minimizing or even averting them. For those conflicts that are

inevitable, you will be able to use Style awareness to more effectively manage the tension

while in the heat of the moment, and create productive outcomes.

Managing Conflict


Need: Results Growth Action: To Listen

Orientation: Action Backup Behavior: Autocratic — Takes Control

Driving Style people are focused on achieving results and believe that action

is the best way to succeed. They are typically not seen as concerned about

relationships and people except as they relate to the overall goal. Other people

may consider the Driving person to be impersonal, practical and dominating.

Driving Style people have little tolerance for discussions they deem a waste of time.

They prefer getting to the point and staying on target. They like to have an agenda

and stick to it. Straying from a focus will cause frustration and tension. Though

always focused, Driving people may “warm up” to others after real progress has

been achieved.

When making a decision, Driving Style people prefer to be provided with the

facts and viable options. They enjoy having control and making their own

decisions. They are likely to choose options with a good probability of success,

but are willing to accept risk to advance a project.

In times of tension, Driving Style people are likely to attempt to take control.

They may say things like “I’ll just do it myself” or they might start making

autocratic decisions. These efforts to take control represent their Backup

Behavior as a result of the tension they are experiencing.

What Does Conflict with a Driving Style Person Look Like?

Driving Style people will not hesitate to tell you that there is a problem. They will be

direct and, potentially, verbally confrontational. Because they are feeling a need to be

in control, they might try to take charge of the situation by telling you what to do or

what needs to be done, according to them. Driving Style people are likely to be brusque

and come across as not very concerned with you as a person, or the impact that the

confrontation has on you. Their method of telling you what needs to be done can often

come across as highly critical and even personal. They are likely to dominate the

conversation, at least initially, and will want to say what is on their mind before giving

you a chance to speak. If highly stressed, Driving Style people tend to raise their voices

and will use forward body posture while making their points. Their eye contact will be

direct, and though Driving Style people don’t often use their hands when talking, in such

circumstances they may point fingers or tap on tables when making their arguments.



Need: Personal Approval Growth Action: To Check

Orientation: Spontaneity Backup Behavior: Attacks — Verbally Confrontational

Expressive Style people typically focus on spontaneity and recognition. They

like to be at the center of activity, but don’t typically focus on one thing for too

long. They generally approach situations in a casual manner and tend to get

along well with others who support their ideas. Expressive Style people are

frequently big-picture thinkers who prefer not to deal with all the details.

Expressive Style people like to spend time exploring ideas. They do not like

to be rushed to action, but are likely to change course unexpectedly. They see

agendas and timetables as guidelines rather than rules.

The Expressive Style person is willing to take risks to achieve big successes.

Decisions can be made based on the potential benefits or rewards rather than

facts or logic, and he or she makes decisions quickly. The opinions of others are

important factors when making decisions.

In times of tension, the Expressive Style person can become combative or

argumentative with others. This Backup Behavior is the way of dealing with the

disagreement and maintaining a high-profile role in the situation.

What Does Conflict with an Expressive Style Person Look Like?

It will be apparent when you’re in conflict with an Expressive Style person. Remember

that his or her natural Backup Behavior is to attack. This person will be blunt and

possibly very personal in his or her attack. In some cases they can come across as

irrational, and will bring up issues that are unrelated to the matter at hand. When

on the attack, this Style of person will usually be very animated, and any frustration

will be clear through their facial expressions and use of hands and body. His or her

tone of voice is generally loud, and this person can sometimes make a “scene” that

is uncomfortable for the other Styles. The Expressive Style person will often take

criticisms personally, which can add to their tension.

Managing Conflict


Need: Personal Security Growth Action: To Initiate

Orientation: Relationships Backup Behavior: Acquiesces — Appears to Give In

Amiable Style people are focused on relationships and personal security. They

are friendly and committed to working with others. They are the most “people-

oriented” of the Styles. They enjoy collaborating with others and want a

friendly, comfortable workplace. They are open to sharing personal information

with others and tend to take the comments and actions of others personally.

Amiable Style people tend to work more slowly and with less discipline. They

want to allow time for socialization and make sure everyone has a chance to

contribute. Thus, their decision process can be influenced by others, even if they

are not formally part of the group.

Amiable people are not risk-takers and want to ensure that decisions will not

affect personal relationships. The safe choice is often preferred by the Amiable

person.

Because of their emphasis on maintaining positive relationships, Amiable Style

people are likely to give in or acquiesce during times of tension rather than

rock the boat. This does not mean that the conflict is over. By staying quiet this

person has not agreed to anything.

What does Conflict with an Amiable Style Person Look Like?

It may be difficult to tell when you’re in a conflict with an Amiable Style person.

Although their signs of tension might not always be obvious, they sometimes display

their discomfort by staying quiet and avoiding eye contact. While normally friendly, they

may become abrupt and cool. They will become less animated and use fewer gestures

than is normal for them. This lack of obvious cues does not necessarily mean all is well.

Amiable people will try to end the uncomfortable situation in a quick fashion. However,

they are not likely to quickly forget the conflict, and instead, it can continue to influence

their actions and relationships until it is resolved. They may even try to “get even” in

small ways, such as critical remarks that are made off-hand. If the Amiable Style person

has close relationships with others at work, he or she also might share details of the

confrontation with people who are in their inner circle.



Need: To Be Right Growth Action: To Declare

Orientation: Thinking Backup Behavior: Withdraws — Avoids the Situation

Analytical Style people are focused on information and a desire to make the right decision from their perspective. Thinking and careful analysis are considered critical by these individuals. Others see them as reserved, slow-moving and risk-averse.

Analytical Style people are cooperative in action, as long as they are not forced to act too quickly and have freedom to organize their own efforts. They appreciate others who support their approach and principles. Follow-through and meeting commitments are important when working with an Analytical Style person.

Analytical Style people use time to fully review a situation and conduct proper analysis. They do not like to be rushed, believing that doing so will result in mistakes. Their decision-making is thus slow-paced and methodical. Facts and verifiable information are most important. Gut instincts or attempted use of influence are seen as negative.

In times of tension, the Analytical Style person is likely to avoid making a decision or leave the situation altogether. The concept of “paralysis by analysis” applies to the Analytical person. He would rather delay action than make the wrong decision.

These delays and avoidances represent Analytical Backup Behavior.

What Does Conflict with an Analytical Style Person Look Like?

Analytical Style people will not always verbally express that there is a problem, but they will show signs of conflict in their own way. Their natural behavior is to withdraw, and this can show itself in specific ways, including the obvious one of simply walking away. Other signs of tension might include an unwillingness to move forward and a tendency to slow down their work, or avoid speaking to the person they’re in conflict with. While in the heat of a conflict they are likely to avoid eye contact and will not be very animated unless they are extremely upset. In fact, they might display less facial expressiveness and emotion than normal. Their body posture is typically going to be rigid. Analytical Style people like to remain emotionally controlled, so they may even talk more slowly and lower their voices more than normal when making their arguments. It is unusual for Analytical Style people to become outwardly confrontational. However, if they have reached a firm decision about something they will sometimes defend this position fiercely.

Managing Conflict


Smart Planning: Minimizing Potential Conflicts

scenario: After nearly two hours of simmering and no response from Sarah, Jay

decided to find her. He marched through the office with a clear purpose in mind. Ron

saw the fast-moving Events Director and quickly ducked into a conference room to

avoid another unpleasant situation.

Jay didn’t bother knocking as he entered Sarah’s office. Sarah prided herself on her

professional behavior and shrugged off Jay’s brusque entrance and greeted him calmly.

Sarah was prepared to explain the facts of the situation and then review potential

solutions with Jay. She was about to start discussing this minor misunderstanding and

propose how they evaluate solutions together when Jay quickly jumped in and accused

her of sabotaging his convention. Startled by both his tone and his words, she quietly

listened to the rant. As time passed, Jay grew increasingly frustrated by Sarah’s lack of

response. Sarah tried to find an opening to explain the facts of the situation, but didn’t

feel she could get in a word edgewise. After a few minutes of non-progress, she calmly

explained that she needed to go into another meeting but promised to evaluate the

situation and get back to Jay first thing in the morning. Jay left — still frustrated — but

hopeful that he had forced Sarah to recognize her mistake.

Later that afternoon Sarah spent some time reviewing the filing schedule

and considering the options available to best meet everyone’s objectives.

She then scheduled a meeting for the morning with Jay and Deborah,

the Chief Operating Officer, and before leaving for the evening she drafted a detailed

recommendation.



Five Key Steps

There are times when you may anticipate that a conflict might happen. By using SOCIAL

STYLE, you can sometimes head off conflict before it occurs. After receiving the e-mail

and voice mail from Jay, Sarah had some obvious warning signs that she might be heading

for an emotionally charged meeting with Jay. Had she thought through the situation in

advance and accounted for Jay’s Style preferences, the outcome of the meeting might have

been different.

The idea of planning for conflict may seem unusual or even impossible. But in fact,

planning for tense situations is crucial for diminishing or avoiding disputes. By identifying

the people you are likely to clash with, and the situations where conflict is most likely to

occur, you can plan ahead to effectively handle the disagreements.

You can plan your interactions and effectively deal with behavioral issues in advance.

There are five steps to effectively planning for interactions that might involve conflicts;

1. Identify situations that can lead to conflict

2. Evaluate the likelihood that a conflict might occur

3. Identify the SOCIAL STYLES of the people involved, including yourself

4. Understand the behavioral preferences of the involved people and how they act

toward others, use time and make decisions

5. Plan your conversation accordingly

Managing Conflict


1 . Identifying Situations that Lead to Conflict

You can probably think of times when you just knew that you would run into a dispute with

someone. We all have those moments, and sometimes they are like an unconscious sixth

sense. We feel that trouble is coming but we can’t quite pinpoint when or how it will arrive.

One of the strengths of SOCIAL STYLE is the opportunity it provides to proactively apply

its concepts to actually prevent conflicts from occurring. Before going into an interaction

or discussion, you can think about the topic and participants and make conscious

decisions about how to make the situation productive.

Conflict can arise from a variety of situations, including differences in values, procedures

for achieving goals, and work roles. Some common sources of conflict include:

• Delivering bad news

• Competing priorities

• Stress from deadlines and limited resources

• Previous negative experiences or conflicts

• People or groups with different expectations or outlooks

• And, of course, Style differences



2 . Evaluate the Likelihood that Conflict Might Occur

In thinking about the chances of a conflict occurring, there are two primary factors

involved. First is the perceived importance of the outcome of the activity or the process

that is at hand. Second is the relationship(s) involved. Evaluating these two factors can

give you indications as to the likelihood of a conflict and can assist you in your planning.

If a Good Relationship Exists AND the Issue Is Not Critical

• People are willing to accept differences

• Problem-solving is relatively easy

• Differences can be discussed and understood

• The issue is unlikely to escalate into major conflict

If a Good Relationship Exists AND the Issue Is Critical

• People are more concerned with truth and fairness than with their own positions

• Differences can be discussed and understood

• Issues are considered worth discussion and people work toward an agreement

• People attempt to problem-solve toward a win-win resolution

• The relationship can be strengthened

• Disagreements can be settled in a positive manner

Managing Conflict


If a Poor Relationship Exists AND the Issue Is Not Critical

• Differences present problems

• Personal issues exacerbate underlying conflict

• Little things escalate into bigger conflicts

• Productivity is hampered by insignificant issues

If a Poor Relationship Exists AND the Issue Is Critical

• Differences present almost insurmountable problems

• Situations have the potential to polarize parties

• People are resistant to working toward agreement

• Situations become competitive and win-lose oriented

• Escalation of conflict is likely

• Relationships are likely to end

• Resolution is likely to be painful and set up future difficulties

Thinking about the importance of the outcome and the relationship is helpful both

in the advance planning for conflict and when a conflict occurs. Obviously, whenever

relationships are not good, the potential for unproductive conflict increases. It is

especially important to plan in advance for these potentially Style-related conflicts.



3 . Identifying SOCIAL STYLES — Yourself Included

Know Yourself

When you anticipate potential conflicts, you should think about the people that will be

involved. Start by considering your own Style and how others tend to see people with your

Style. This is an important part of “controlling yourself.” By knowing yourself through

their eyes, you can take steps to keep those Style behaviors in check that might get in the

way of effective communication.

You have a set of preferred behaviors that help you get what you want — results.

However, these preferences can have ramifications. You might come across as

indifferent and pushy, and in conversation or conflict, others might see you as

domineering and unwilling to listen. Even worse, they may feel “steam-rolled”

by you and will react with their Style’s Backup Behavior. Some people will view

you as speaking too quickly or forcefully, which makes them feel like they can’t

join in the discussion. If your focus is solely on results, without considering

issues that are important to other people, you may actually slow things down

and delay getting the results you want. Similarly, if you push for your solution

or decision too quickly without getting input from others, you might not get the

buy-in from others that you need to succeed.

You seek personal approval through a variety of behaviors, some of which can

come across as overwhelming for others. While you usually don’t hesitate to

show your enthusiasm and appreciation of others, during conflicts you can be

seen as very aggressive and even inappropriate at times. Though you may not

intend to offend, others can easily feel personally attacked by you. Some people

may see you as boisterous and will find it difficult to join in the discussion.

In extreme circumstances in which you are dominating a situation, some

people may simply “surrender” and not even attempt to state their opinions.

Paradoxically, in such situations your attempts to gain what you want may

backfire, leading to a lack of support for you or your position.

Managing Conflict


You have a strong preference for feeling personally secure in your relationships

with co-workers, and the behaviors you use to fulfill this need can sometimes

have detrimental consequences during conflict situations. While you are

normally comfortable displaying your feelings, in difficult situations you can be

seen as timid and unwilling to voice your opinions. Others, especially Driving

and Expressive people, may incorrectly interpret this as agreement, or at least

acceptance of the direction things are going. In such circumstances, others may

simply move forward without realizing that you are not on board. This can

have consequences later on, both for you and for others who are involved in the

situation. If you do not voice your opinions, decisions will take place without

your influence. Also, others may not understand that their relationship with you

is strained. If you have not expressed what you want to say, they may believe

that everything is fine and will no longer be personally involved in the tension

that you are still experiencing.

Your desire to be right, or accurate, can often be seen as efficient and helpful,

but in stressful situations your behavior can be seen quite differently.

Depending on the importance that you place on an issue, or the strength of

your conviction, you may come across as obstinate and inflexible. Others may

see you as needlessly clinging to a position on an issue, without taking into

account other viewpoints. Alternatively, in some situations, others will see you

as withdrawn. You may simply refuse to take part in an argument, which others

can see as unproductive and even arrogant. This form of behavior is likely

to have ongoing consequences, but not the kind you would hope for. Instead,

projects will move forward either without your input or in spite of it.



Identify the Style of Others

One of the reasons that SOCIAL STYLE works so well is because it’s easy to understand

and apply the concepts. You don’t need any special insights to identify a person’s Style and

thus, their behavioral preferences. You simply need to observe their behaviors that will

indicate where they fall on both the Ask/Tell and Emote/Control scales.

Be sure to look for both verbal and non-verbal behaviors when making your assessment.

Here are some additional tips for effective Style identification:

• Don’t jump to conclusions. Multiple observations in a variety of circumstances will

give you the most accurate assessment.

• Remain objective. Your feelings toward a person are independent of their Style and

behaviors. Similarly, don’t make “like” or “dislike” judgments about their behaviors.

• Separate Style clues from assigned authority or roles. Just because a person is

a supervisor does not make him or her a Driving Style. Nor are all Engineering people

are Analytical. Rely on your observations, not stereotypes.

• Moderate stress clarifies Style. When people experience some tension they

typically fall into the patterns of behavior that are most familiar to them and are easier

to identify.

• Get out of the way. It’s easier to observe someone if you’re watching an interaction

rather than being a part of it.

Remember, SOCIAL STYLE represents an overall theme of someone’s behavior. It is how

they prefer to behave most of the time. But, it is not an absolute! Everyone is capable of

displaying behaviors representative of the other Styles. It’s just that they won’t use these

behaviors with the same frequency and fluency. Don’t let an isolated set of behaviors be

your only point of reference when determining someone’s SOCIAL STYLE.

Managing Conflict


Assertiveness Scale

Verbal Behaviors

Slower Pace of Speech Faster

Less Quantity of Speech More

Quieter Volume of Speech Louder

Non-Verbal Behaviors

Relaxed Use of Hands Directive

Lean Back Body Posture Lean Forward

Less Direct Eye Contact More

Responsiveness Scale

Verbal Behaviors

More Controlling

Monotone Task Facts / Data

Emotion Subjects Form of In Voice of Speech Descriptives

Inflection People Opinions / Stories

More Emoting

Non-Verbal Behaviors

More Controlling

Less Rigid Controlled

Use of Body Facial Hands Posture Expression

More Casual Animated

More Emoting



4 . Understanding Behavioral Preferences

Once you have determined the SOCIAL STYLE of the people involved, you can use that to

understand their preferences and build more effective relationships. This information will

also be extremely useful in sensing early signs of tension in others and taking steps to

minimize it before a full-blown conflict emerges. It’s particularly helpful to consider their

preferences around actions toward others, use of time and decision-making.

By understanding the Style preferences of others, you can develop interaction strategies

that increase the effectiveness of your communication. By understanding others, you can

help them overcome difficulties and stretch their abilities beyond their current levels of

performance.

n Slower-paced, slower to actn Makes efforts to establish processn Shows less concern for relationshipsn Works in a historical time framen Takes action cautiouslyn Tends to avoid personal involvement

n Faster-pacedn Makes efforts to control outcomesn Less concerned for caution in

relationshipsn Works in the present time framen Tends to direct the actions of othersn Tends to avoid inaction

n Slower-pacedn Makes efforts to build relationshipsn Shows less concern for affecting

changen Works in the present time framen Shows supportive actionn Tends to avoid conflict

n Faster-pacedn Makes efforts to be involvedn Shows less concern for routinen Works in the future time framen Tends to act impulsivelyn Tends to avoid isolation

Managing Conflict


5 . Planning Your Interactions

With an understanding of who you’re dealing with and their behavioral preferences, you

are able to plan your interactions to minimize potential conflicts. Plan your conversation

so there is a higher chance of having a successful outcome. These steps will help you

build rapport with people of each Style.

• Plan for how you can be direct and use time efficiently

• Make sure you are prepared to focus on what needs to be accomplished

• Do your homework so you can provide facts, logic and alternatives

• Prepare how you will clearly state your opinions

• Look for opportunities to let the Driving Style person make decisions

• Look for opportunities to reach a quick decision

• Expressive Style people like stimulating situations, so prepare to use some

of your time to engage this person

• Determine how you will describe any personal benefits of various options

for the Expressive Style person

• Prepare to help this person make a decision, based on the benefits and

options you’ve outlined

• Prepare how you can help this person to develop an organized plan to

accomplish what needs to be done

• Plan to follow up with this person to ensure that progress is being made



• Direct confrontation is uncomfortable for Amiable Style people, so plan to

approach them in a friendly and personable manner

• Prepare to offer assurance to this person that an agreement will be made

and relationships will be secure

• Think about the viewpoints of other people the Amiable Style person works

with and how this may impact them, and plan to discuss those viewpoints

• Plan to help the Amiable Style person to open up and share freely by

asking open-ended questions

• Once agreement is achieved, make sure to confirm decisions in order to

ensure there is commitment

• Plan ahead to be accurate and prepared with specific information

• Prepare any relevant data and plan to present it

• Give them information in writing ahead of time so they will have a chance

to prepare

• Take time to understand and present the pros and cons of different ideas

• Remember that Analytical Style people don’t focus on feelings or opinions,

so plan to be straightforward and business-like

• Plan to move the discussion to a logical decision

We have provided a planning worksheet that you can use in advance of potential conflicts.

It helps identify potential problems and appropriate ways to get the situation back on

track.

Managing Conflict


Smart Planning Worksheet

The following worksheet can help you assess potential conflicts and plan appropriate steps.

Section I: Who Is Involved

Yourself

Your Style: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Your Style Need: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What will cause your tension to increase?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Name: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SOCIAL STYLE: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Their Style Need: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What will cause this person’s tension to increase?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Name: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SOCIAL STYLE: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Their Style Need: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What will cause this person’s tension to increase?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Section II: Likelihood of Conflict

Current Status of Relationship: Good Poor

Perceived Criticality of Issue: Not Critical Critical

Describe the potential for conflict: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



Section III: Planning to Head Off Conflict

What can you do in advance to make each person more comfortable? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What signs of tension should you look for? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If conflict develops, what is your appropriate response? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Managing Conflict


Heat of the Moment: Handling Conflicts as They Occur

scenario: As the new COO, Deborah often was invited to meetings with other senior

managers. The information Sarah included as background with her meeting invitation

was straightforward. Since this would normally be a decision that Jay and Sarah should

simply be able to make on their own, Deborah wondered if there might be more to it

than it seemed.

Deborah and Jay had worked together for many years and were peers until her recent

promotion. While she didn’t always appreciate Jay’s emotional manner, she knew he was

a reliable manager who delivered results. Deborah didn’t know Sarah nearly as well, but

had been impressed by Sarah’s ability to take over a previously disorganized department

and quickly achieve success. She also appreciated Sarah’s business focus.

Deborah decided to go to the office early the next morning to prepare for what she

worried might be a contentious meeting.

Heat of the Moment: Handling Conficts as They Occur


Using SOCIAL STYLE to Diffuse Conflict

In the previous chapter we discussed how SOCIAL STYLE can help us head off many

conflicts through effective planning. But even the best preparation won’t avoid every

conflict. So now let’s look at how to handle tensions as they develop and conflicts as they

occur.

Whether a conflict is a direct result of relationship issues or interpersonal tensions have

developed from other sources of conflict, effective communication is critical to bringing

calm to a tense situation. Using what you know about SOCIAL STYLE, you can diffuse the

conflict situation and prevent small conflicts from growing into bigger ones.

In this section of the guide you will learn how to use the following steps to help

head off conflict before it occurs;

1. Pay attention to the communication needs of each Style

2. Recognize Backup Behavior and take steps to minimize it

3. Help others understand all sides of the situation

4. Move toward agreement

Managing Conflict


The Steps to Minimize Conflict

Below is advice for managing conflict with people of each Style. By following these steps,

you should be able to minimize the impacts of conflict and move towards productive

outcomes.

1. Pay Attention to the Communication Needs of Each Style

By knowing the Style of the person in advance, you know what their communication

needs are. Pay attention to the flow of the conversation to make sure you are

meeting the needs of others. In this type of situation, one aspect of Versatility

— Feedback — is very important. The skilled use of Feedback allows you to adjust

the quality and amount of communication, as well as your non-verbal behaviors. On

the following pages we will provide tips for communicating with individuals of each

Style, particularly when starting a conversation or meeting.

2. Recognize Backup Behavior

When your co-workers experience tension, they will start to show their Backup

Behavior. If unchecked, this tension can lead to full-blown conflict. On the following

pages we will provide tips for identifying and alleviating tension for each Style.

3. Help Others Understand All Sides of the Situation

Sharing bad news or discussing a topic where parties have fundamental differences

can be challenging. But it doesn’t have to disintegrate into full-blown conflict. On the

following pages we will provide tips to help others understand your perspective or

share potentially negative information.

4. Verify that You Have Agreement

You’ve now focused your interaction in a way to minimize tension and redirected

the situation away from behavioral issues toward the business at hand. It is also

important to clarify that you have achieved agreement with the other person or

people. On the following pages we will provide tips to verify you have agreement

with people of each Style.

Applying the Steps to Each of the SOCIAL STYLES

Let’s now review how these steps apply to each of the SOCIAL STYLES. By doing this you

will understand how to use your knowledge of SOCIAL STYLE to help head off conflicts

before they escalate. By applying your Style knowledge when you sense conflict beginning

to occur, you will more effectively manage the tension in the heat of the moment and

create more productive outcomes.



1. Pay attention to their communication needs

Anticipate this Behavior

This Person Wants to Be:

To Strengthen This Relationship Support:

Use Time To:To Get Action

Provide:

ImpersonalSecretive

OrganizedDemanding

Factual

In Control Conclusion and Actions

Be Efficient Options with

probable outcomes

To establish rapport, make sure that conversations get right to the point

when interacting with a Driving Style person. This will support their

orientation for taking action and the Style need for getting results. So,

unless they bring up something personal, keep it “strictly business.”

Explain what you want to accomplish.

The facts and results orientation of Driving Style people make them most

comfortable with specific questions. Close-ended questions and probing

questions allow them to emphasize facts and information. Their answers

will tend to be concise and to the point. Be prepared to ask follow-up

questions, when necessary, to draw out additional needed details. They

may become uncomfortable with open-ended or hypothetical questions

they deem vague or unproductive. But be cautious not to come across to the

Driving Style as interrogating them.


Signs that Driving Style people are experiencing tension include increasing

impatience, more animation, verbalizing specific objections and attempting

to take even more control of the situation. They generally will not be open to

listening to others while in backup mode.

You can reduce their tension by identifying specific problems they are

concerned about. Pay attention to their need for results, but be willing to

stand up to them if necessary. This may be contrary to your own Style

preferences and uncomfortable for you, but Driving Style people usually

respect this form of self-assertion. Offer these individuals options regarding

how the team or the situation can best move forward.

Managing Conflict


3. Help them understand all sides of the situation

Because people with a Driving Style appreciate being provided with

alternatives, helping them to see other sides of the situation can be as

straightforward as organizing and laying these out for them. Before going

into details of the different sides of an issue, provide them with an overview,

and give them the implications of each course of action.

When giving bad news or difficult feedback, be direct and support your

criticism with enough facts to make your point. Driving Style individuals

would rather receive specific facts related to the tough message than hear

how it made you or others feel. Try to phrase the message in terms of the

results. Remember to stress the opportunity or challenge, and refrain

from focusing on any personal feelings and from overloading them with

information. Provide options. Involve the Driving Style person in setting

specific goals and next steps. Don’t be afraid to stand up to or challenge a

Driving Style person.


Be direct in asking for a decision or a commitment from the various options.

Spell out next steps and deliver what you promised in an efficient manner.

You will almost certainly know if you have this person’s agreement because

he or she will tell you! All the cards are usually on the table with this person.

Remember when you are asking for commitment from a Driving Style person

to be very direct and do not beat around the bush.








Provide:

StimulatingUnstructuredEnthusiastic

OutgoingPersonal

Recognized Dreams and Intuitions

Be Stimulating

Recognition with

motivation

To establish rapport with an Expressive Style individual, find some

ways you can acknowledge your personal approval of this person. Show

your support for their aspirations, enthusiasm or energy for a project.

Expressive Style individuals will want to hear what the purpose of the

conversation is in general terms. Provide the Expressive co-worker with

attention and enthusiasm without letting them take total control. Let this

person vent as appropriate, but be cautious about allowing him or her to

get emotionally carried away. Provide some form of personal motivation to

move forward.

Expressive Style people are much more comfortable with open-ended

or hypothetical questions that allow them to express their vision and

creativity. They can find close-ended questions constraining and

uncomfortable. When it is necessary to ask a close-ended question, ask

about key facts rather than specific details that would need to be recounted

in a precise or logical order.


Tension in Expressive Style people can manifest itself as emotional

outbursts, dominating behaviors, critical statements and even outright

attacks. These people are often very animated, and while in backup mode,

they can be loud and physically active in their gestures and expressions.

To help alleviate tension with Expressive Style people, allow them to vent

their frustration, but be careful not to let them get carried away with their

emotions since this can result in an unproductive “loop.” Let them know

that you understand their concerns, and then move toward a solution

that separates the emotion from the objective facts. If their frustration is

directed toward an individual, help them separate the person from the work

Managing Conflict


situation, since Expressive Style people often criticize people on a personal

level. Showing appreciation for them and the value of their work will also

help them to come out of their Backup Behavior. Expressive Style people

often cool down as quickly as they heat up.


You can help Expressive Style people consider other sides of an issue by

first recognizing them for their contribution to some aspect of the topic at

hand. This will fulfill their need for recognition and leave them more open

to hearing other viewpoints. When discussing other perspectives, indicate

how Expressive Style people can or should be involved in the activities at

hand, or any impacts for them personally.

If you must deliver a tough message to someone with an Expressive Style,

you should seek his or her input. Ask this person for ideas, and be future-

oriented. Understand their desire to see the big picture, and have fun.

Beware of providing too much data or ignoring their enthusiasm. Let this

person know that the negative feedback is about their performance and

not about them personally. Ask open-ended questions about their opinions

on some ways that they feel might be able to correct the situation. Avoid

blaming, but rather focus on the general issues that need to be discussed.

Don’t get focused on details, but emphasize the big picture. Explain how the

Expressive Style person will contribute to overall success.


Show enthusiasm about a decision as an important milestone. The

Expressive Style person will often tell you that a conflict is over and will

go back to the level of relationship he or she had with you prior to the

conflict. Clarify next steps and provide precise, written follow-up. Check in

periodically to assess progress. Deliver on your own commitments.








Provide:

WarmAgreeable

CooperativeCarefulQuiet

Sure Feelings and Relationships

Be Agreeable Security with

assurances

To establish rapport with an Amiable Style person, it is usually appropriate

to open the discussion with a people-related topic in an area where you

have previously established common ground. For example, ask a question

about common interests or family. This will help assure the person that

his or her relationship with you is okay, and facilitates your moving into

the purpose of the interaction. As a word of caution, it is generally only

appropriate to talk about personal matters if you have already established

a solid relationship with the Amiable Style person. If you are unfamiliar

with the person, or worse, not genuine in your interaction, an Amiable Style

person will not respect your attempts to establish rapport.

Close-ended questions can make an Amiable Style uncomfortable. If you

observe the Amiable Style individual’s discomfort, be sure to ask them to

tell you what is on their mind. Open-ended questions allow this person to

answer in a way that allows them to provide the “answer” and the context

of their response. Amiable people are typically quite comfortable with

hypothetical questions.


Amiable Style people are likely to withdraw and become even less assertive

as their tension grows. They may acquiesce to the group or individual,

simply stating that everything is okay without verbalizing their viewpoint

or actively committing to the identified next steps. They may avoid eye

contact and will sometimes become fidgety as they become more tense.

To help reduce tension, actively discuss any implications that decisions

will have on the people who are involved. Be upfront about your own needs

or commitments, while reassuring the Amiable Style person about his

or her concerns. Explain that disagreements on business issues do not

necessarily indicate deteriorating personal relationships. Allow them to

Managing Conflict


express themselves by actively giving them the floor to air any grievances

and concerns. Make it safe for the Amiable Style person to disagree.


Amiable Style people are more open to hearing other viewpoints when you

first acknowledge their feelings and opinions about the topic at hand. They

can accept other perspectives and decisions contrary to their own, as long as

you have shown that you empathize with them and their situation. By doing

this you will also open the door for them to consider other points of view

that they may not have taken into account before. It is also helpful to clearly

discuss any impacts that decisions will have on them or their relationships

with their co-workers.

When delivering difficult information, keep in mind that Amiable Style

individuals tend to focus on relationships and they really do aim to please.

If a decision has to be made that is initially disagreeable, clearly explain

the reasons why the decision is being made. Point out any opportunities that

might be inherent in the new situation for them to contribute. If providing

feedback about personal performance, give examples of how the person is

performing well prior to bringing up areas that need improvement. Be open

to discussing emotions, but keep the conversation on solutions and not on

other people, unless these people are an important component. Try to avoid

pressing hard for immediate change or coming across as impersonal. Let

Amiable Style people know that the feedback is about their performance in a

particular situation or area, and is not about your personal relationship with

them. Ask open-ended questions about how they feel they might be able to

improve the situation, and work cooperatively with them to identify specific

next steps.


Verify that the Amiable person is ready to proceed before forcing a decision.

Discuss the implications for others. Reinforce the long-term relationship as

well as near-term business issues. Check back periodically to make sure the

Amiable person is still comfortable. You’ll know the conflict with an Amiable

person is over when the relationship returns to its pre-conflict level. The

relationship will be good. Be cautious, though, because this individual may

not tell you that anything is amiss when in fact he or she is still actively

involved in the conflict. Remember that establishing a safe and trusting

environment is important for minimizing conflict.








Provide:

CoolDistantFormal

ConservativeLogical

Right Principles and Thinking

Be Accurate Evidence with

support

Open conversations with Analytical Style people by acknowledging or

commending them in some area where they were correct or in some area

where their logical and organized approach was helpful. This helps them

meet their Style Need to make sure things are done right. Establish the

purpose of the conversation in a logical, organized manner. Being vague

or too general or too relationship-focused will also be off-putting to the

Analytical Style. Take time in your conversations to share important facts

and demonstrate your preparation. Encourage a two-way dialogue that is

organized and logical. Listen carefully to the questions and statements of

your Analytical co-worker.

The Analytical Style person is typically comfortable being asked close-

ended questions that focus on facts and details and consider the past.

This person also needs to be given time to think, so don’t hurry an answer.

This person may be inclined to give you a lot of unnecessary detail, so

be prepared to help him or her focus on the question at hand. Organize

your questioning to make the Analytical person comfortable. Hypothetical

questions may be discomforting, because the person typically might not

have thought about the situation or have sufficient data to answer in a way

they feel appropriate.


The Analytical Style person may become even more quiet and withdrawn in

a time of tension. They tend to avoid eye contact and may try to focus their

attention on something unrelated to the source of the tension, even trying

to physically leave the situation. They may object to certain decisions or

postpone action because they are upset with the course of events.

You can help to diffuse tension with Analytical Style people by logically

discussing the issues at hand and objectively evaluating the situation.

Managing Conflict


Validate their contributions and concerns by stating your understanding,

followed by your own reasoning. Allow them to express their opinions and

concerns about the source of conflict, being aware that this might require

some time away from the situation for them to process. Oftentimes when

Analytical Style people feel that their viewpoints have been heard, they

will be able to move into a more productive mode and the conflict will be

diminished.


Analytical Style people will be open to other points of view when these are

presented in a straightforward and logical manner. Begin by recognizing

the thinking and effort that went into the stance of Analytical Style people.

This will open the door by easing any concern they may have about not

being heard or understood. Then simply present the other perspectives and

the reasoning behind each of them. In this scenario, Analytical Style people

will often be open to hearing other perspectives that they may not have

considered.

When delivering a tough message to an Analytical Style person, make

sure you use a logical, methodical approach. Explain why your concerns

are logical and appropriate. Support your observations with facts and

evidence. Ask close-ended questions to make sure they understand your

feedback, and open-ended questions to seek their input on how the situation

can be improved. Analytical Style individuals sometimes prefer to receive

detailed information in writing. Avoid pressing them for an immediate

response or action plan. Instead, let them work out the details on their own.


Verify that all necessary facts have been considered by asking probing

questions. Review the process and the conclusions. Allow the Analytical

person to voice any concerns and then encourage a decision. You should

explicitly ask the Analytical person if he or she agrees. Depending on the

complexity of the circumstances, this person might like to see the terms

of the agreement written in an e-mail. Once you have agreement with an

Analytical Style person, you can generally count on him or her to honor that

agreement.

Managing Conflict


Managing Conflict


Post-Mortem: Repairing the Effects of Conflict

scenario: Deborah had just pushed the elevator button for her floor when an arm was

thrust through the closing doors. “I’m glad I caught you,” Jay said as he entered the

elevator. “We have a major problem.” Jay told his story to Deborah on their elevator

ride, while they each grabbed a coffee and talked for the next 15 minutes in Jay’s office.

Deborah listened patiently even though Jay was repeating himself and seemed more

interested in describing the conflict than in achieving a solution.

Eventually Jay paused and Deborah took the opening. She assured Jay that she

understood his concern and that everyone wanted the convention to be a success.

“We’re all in this together,” she told him. “Give me 30 minutes and we’ll sit down with

Sarah and work this out.”

Deborah left Jay and sought out Sarah to discuss the situation.



Repairing the Relationship

Preparing for potential conflicts and applying the appropriate SOCIAL STYLE techniques

in conflicts will significantly reduce the number and significance of conflicts in your

work. Still, given the reality of today’s workplace, it’s likely that some conflicts will arise,

resulting in productivity and relationship problems.

Let’s now look at ways to repair conflicts and their impact. Much like conflict planning,

conflict remediation requires an understanding of the other party’s Style preferences.

Think about the conflict and consider the following questions:

• What was the source of the conflict?

• Was it primarily driven by behavioral and Style issues or was there another

fundamental cause?

• Did Style issues amplify the problem?

• Did the other party act in ways consistent with your assessment of his or her Style?

• If not, might your initial Style assessment need revision?

• Was the tension felt primarily by you or the other person?

• Did you take steps to lessen the tension?

• If so, why did those steps not work?

• Was there a conflict resolution technique that might have worked better?

This debrief should shed light on what led to conflict. It provides an objective review of

the conflict and a starting point for addressing it. To remedy the situation, you should

initiate an interaction that specifically meets the other person’s preferences in regard to

actions toward others, use of time and decision-making. By meeting the other person’s

preferences, he or she may be more willing and likely to respond positively to you,

thereby satisfying your own requirements.

Managing Conflict


For Driving Style people when a conflict is over, it’s over. They tend to live in the

present and don’t dwell too much on the past. In fact, focusing too much on a

conflict that has run its course can be more harmful to the relationship than just

letting it go. It is best to move on and focus on taking your planning steps for

any future conflicts.

Though Driving Style people tend to quickly leave conflict behind them, there

is an exception to this rule. If they believe that you made a critical mistake, or

have judged you to have a lower level of competence than they feel is required,

they are likely to have an ongoing state of tension with you because they don’t

believe you can meet their performance requirements. They may even feel

compelled to point out the mistake in a group setting. Other Styles can also feel

this way, particularly Analytical Style people. However, Driving Style people

are most likely to actively confront you if they judge you to lack competence. Of

course, this assumes that the Driving Style person feels strongly that he or she

is correct and that your abilities are the source of the conflict.

In order to successfully move beyond a conflict with a Driving Style person, try

following the guidelines below for approaches they prefer and do not respond

well to.

þ Accepts - Be specific and to the point. Demonstrate past results and competence.

Commend their drive and ability to get things done. Stress deadlines and

competitiveness.

ý Rejects - Do not be abstract or vague, and avoid dwelling on the long-term. Don’t

be non-committal about expectations of results. Do not expect detail and

thorough written reporting. Avoid assigning them to long-term projects.



With an Expressive Style person, it is important to mutually acknowledge that

the conflict occurred and then agree to move on. You may need to approach

the person in order to settle the conflict, since Expressive Style people are

sometimes unyielding, especially if they believe strongly that they are “right.”

However, if they are able to see your side of an issue, or even believe that they

have made mistakes, they will usually approach you and let you know this.

By letting the person know that you are still enthusiastic about working with

him or her, in spite of the recent conflict, you will help to minimize any lasting

impacts from the conflict.

Expressive Style people are generally comfortable with quickly leaving conflict

behind and moving forward, so you should make an effort to do this also. This

might be somewhat contrary to your own Style, and can be a challenge for some

people because they will still feel lingering effects of the conflict, even though

Expressive Style people might not be aware of this. Though Expressive Style

people usually quickly recover from conflict, there are exceptions. If they believe

strongly that their position is the correct one, they will sometimes resurface

the issue solely to make that point. Also, if following a conflict you do not

acknowledge them in a personal way as you did prior to the conflict, they may

still feel tension in the relationship.

In order to successfully move beyond a conflict with an Expressive Style person,

try following the guidelines below for approaches they prefer and do not

respond well to.

þ Accepts - Praise their ideas and vision, and seek their input. Emphasize the big picture

and be future-oriented. Give lots of strokes and follow-up with them.

ý Rejects - Do not be impersonal or ignore their enthusiasm. Don’t be impatient with

their creativity or overload them with detail. Avoid putting tasks ahead of fun.

Try not to demand accuracy above appearance.

Managing Conflict


Repairing damage with Amiable Style people can be difficult because conflicts

hit directly at the importance they place on personal relationships. It is

important for both parties to acknowledge the conflict, and even to review what

happened and the reasons for one another’s actions. Amiable Style people will

appreciate taking the time to do this, and also discussing ways to avoid similar

conflicts in the future. Remember that Amiable Style people like to please, so

they will be searching for ways to make the situation better.

Since Amiable Style people value good relationships, they will generally be

eager to move from the conflict to an established relationship. However, they will

still feel tension in their relationship with you if, following a conflict, they do not

feel valued. If the Amiable Style person feels like he or she is trying to do a good

job and work successfully with others, but feels discounted or devalued, then he

or she will not want to move forward without understanding the issue and what

can be done to improve the situation.

In order to successfully move beyond a conflict with an Amiable Style person,

try following the guidelines below for approaches they prefer and do not

respond well to.

þ Accepts - Display your concern and stress that you need their help. Praise their

enthusiasm and awareness. Emphasize a team approach. Be flexible.

ý Rejects - Do not be distant or press hard for change. Don’t be dictatorial. Avoid pushing

hard for details, written analysis, or homework. Don’t assume that deadlines

will be met without follow-up.



It is not always easy to determine if Analytical Style people have moved past a

conflict. Their natural tendency is to withdraw, so by attempting to re-engage

with them in work activities you should be able to determine if they are still

feeling tension. To help an Analytical Style person leave a conflict behind, it is

helpful to give them some reassurance about the value of their work. This person

might also appreciate if you show that you understand what happened during

the conflict and the reasons for his or her actions. Primarily, an Analytical Style

person wants to feel that you still value their competence and input, and that you

will still support their decisions.

Analytical Style people will still be engaged in the conflict under certain

situations. Similar to the Driving Style, if they attribute fault in the conflict to

you, they may judge you to be inadequate for the needs of the situation and will

question your abilities going forward. If this is the case, an Analytical Style

person will often try to find ways to work around you rather than with you. They

might do this by finding other people to take on certain responsibilities, or will

simply attempt to take on a larger workload themselves. Since Analytical Style

people are reticent to have direct confrontations, they may not tell you that there

is an issue and may just try to ignore you.

To successfully move beyond a conflict with an Analytical Style person, follow

the guidelines below for approaches they prefer and do not respond well to.

þ Accepts - Be organized and logical. Use a moderate approach and consider their past

record. Put things in writing, and allow them time to think and for planning.

ý Rejects - Do not be hasty or insist on immediate action or decisions. Don’t over-

personalize or be too emotional. Avoid being impatient or taking shortcuts.

Moving Forward

If Style differences played a role in the conflict, then taking these steps will go a long

way toward repairing the situation. It might even result in a stronger relationship in the

future. If the conflict was the result of non-Style issues, these steps will help you take

behavioral Style issues “off the table” and focus on the real causes of the conflict.

Resolving a conflict is not just a matter of apologizing or giving in. It’s a recognition of

the conflict issues and consciously taking the steps to eliminate or reduce those issues.

This is in your own best interest as well as the other party’s.

Managing Conflict


In Closing

scenario: Deborah looked at the clock and half-smiled. Reaching a consensus had

taken less time than she had anticipated. And while Jay and Sarah certainly weren’t

going to be “best friends” anytime soon, everyone had left the room in agreement about

how to deal with the two competing responsibilities.

Much of the credit was due to Sarah’s legwork. She had developed an analysis of the

situation and a solution for the problem. Her plan was to use an outside contractor for

some of the auditing work. Deborah felt Sarah’s recommendation made sense, even if

it was more detailed and lengthy than was necessary.

In the meeting with Jay, Deborah explained the plan and how it would meet Jay’s

needs. She showed how using the contractor would free up Ron from auditing to staff

the convention. It wasn’t as much help as Jay had hoped, but it was enough to make

the staffing manageable. And Jay had readily agreed to fund the contractor out of his

budget in exchange for Ron’s availability.

Closing


Next Steps

As this guide has demonstrated, there are common types of conflicts. Even more

importantly, there are proven techniques for resolving the various conflicts. You are now

equipped to take intervening steps to deal with conflicts based on your knowledge of the

situation and the participants.

You understand that the natural differences and preferences of the SOCIAL STYLE

positions can lead to conflict if not managed effectively. You now have techniques to

anticipate these issues and take steps to lessen tension and deal with Backup Behavior

when it occurs.

Of course you won’t be able to prevent every conflict from developing, but you will be able

to evaluate the importance of the relationship and the importance of the desired outcome

and select the most appropriate conflict management method.

Like any new skill, you will need to consciously use what you’ve learned. With practice,

you will be skilled in effectively managing conflict.

Managing Conflict


Appendix: Style-Specific Conflicts

Just as every Style behaves uniquely, conflicts between the various SOCIAL STYLES will

arise and develop differently based on who is involved. The following summarizes those

issues.

Conflicts between Expressive and Driving Styles

The preference of both of these Styles to communicate directly creates a potential for

conflict. Where both Styles might want to brainstorm new ideas, the Driving Style sees

this as a means to achieving an outcome and will want to move on relatively quickly. The

Expressive enjoys the creative process in its own right and is less focused on progress.

He also may take offense if other participants criticize his ideas or fail to recognize his

contributions.

And as both Styles are tell-assertive, there is a potential for disagreements with neither

willing to give in. You can easily imagine disputes over the best use of time turning into

major battles.

In order for people of these two Styles to settle disagreements, it is important that they

both practice their Growth Actions. By patiently listening, the Driving Style person allows

his co-worker to convey what he wants. Likewise, if the Expressive Style person checks

his behavior, it is much more likely that his Driving Style colleague will pay attention to

him and accept what he is saying.

Conflicts between Analytical and Amiable Styles

The tensions that can arise between these Styles may be less obvious, but still have

potential for negative outcomes. The Analytical’s emphasis on information and process

may be at odds with the Amiable’s emphasis on people and relationships. Both are ask-

assertive, so neither is inclined to be decisive or forceful in advancing a project.

The Backup Behaviors of the two Styles can also interact negatively when tension occurs.

The Analytical is likely to retreat or delay decisions, while the Amiable may give in to

keep things from flaring up. So while conflicts between these Styles are unlikely to erupt

into major battles, they can undermine the advancement of progress.

If both people take their Growth Action, To Initiate and To Declare, the outcome can

be positive. A collaboration of the Analytical’s data approach and the Amiable’s people

orientation can frequently yield good results.

Appendix: STYLE-Specific Conflicts


Conflicts between Amiable and Driving Styles

Whereas the Amiable and Analytical Styles differ on only one scale of the SOCIAL STYLE

model, Amiables and Driving differ in both their ask/tell and control/emote preferences.

This can lead to significant tension and potential conflict. Think of a time at work when

someone complained about having to “waste time on touchy-feely stuff when there was

real work to do” or when somebody felt that decisions were made without considering

how they might affect morale or people’s feelings.

People of these two Styles come at things from completely opposite perspectives. The

Driving person may be seen as brusque and too formal. The Amiable will be perceived

as not focused on the business at hand. These at-odds preferences can raise tension and

quickly result in Backup Behavior that makes the situation worse. As the Driving Style’s

tension rises, he or she is likely to dominate the interaction. The Amiable is likely to give

in to the more dominating Driving Style.

If these two Styles take their Growth Actions and collaborate, the result can be

productive. The Driving Style will push for results and the Amiable will make sure

consideration is given to the people and relationship issues.

Conflicts between Expressive and Analytical Styles

The tendency of Expressive Style people to prefer spontaneity and to dominate

conversation is frustrating for the Analytical person. They may feel that important

information, and their input, are being ignored. Neither is especially eager to move

projects quickly, but where the Analytical prefers research and thinking, the Expressive

seeks the big idea and credit for envisioning it. The Expressive’s lack of focus and

discipline are disconcerting to the Analytical. There is a potential for the Expressive to

dominate the Analytical, who may withdraw from the situation out of sheer frustration.

By taking his Growth Action and checking behavior, the Expressive can help increase the

comfort of the Analytical. In turn, the Analytical can be more decisive, showing how data

and information might validate a particular course of action.

Managing Conflict


Conflicts between Expressive and Amiable Styles

Both of these Styles tend to show their emotions to others. In that regard, there can

be a supporting relationship between the two. The Expressive is seeking validation

from others and the Amiable is typically ready to compliment and commend. But if an

Expressive fails to check his or her outspoken behavior, they can offend the relationship-

and safety- focused Amiable. An off-hand comment made in jest by the Expressive could

be quite hurtful and result in long-term hard feelings for the Amiable person.

As when working with the Driving Style, an Amiable must take care to avoid being

dominated by the more aggressive Expressive person. They can do this by taking their

Growth Action and declaring his or her opinions in a straightforward manner. If the

Expressive Style person also checks his behavior, this combination will usually result in a

productive outcome.

Conflicts between Analytical and Driving Styles

As both of these Styles tend to control their feelings, they tend to work professionally

together focusing on the matter at hand. It is in regard to taking action that often results

in conflict with these two. The Driving person’s tendency toward action is at odds with

the Analytical’s preference to move carefully to ensure things are done correctly.

To reduce tension, they should both take their Growth Actions. The Driving Style person

should slow down and ask specific questions to fully understand the Analytical person’s

concerns and perspective. The Analytical person should voice his commitment to

achieving results, and how he or she will support accomplishing objectives.

Appendix: STYLE-Specific Conflicts


Don't Stop Here… There's More to Discover

A wide variety of additional SOCIAL STYLE® resources are available to further

improve your performance . SOCIAL STYLE is the best-known Interpersonal

Effectiveness Model in the world and TRACOM offers tools to help any

organization, team or person .

Guides in the Working with Style series teach how individuals can apply SOCIAL

STYLE to specific workplace issues . These include:

Managing Conflict with Style – Studies have shown that managers spend up to 42% of their work time dealing with conflict and non-productive behavior in the workplace . Managing Conflict with Style provides specific advice on how to use Style to anticipate conflicts, reduce their occurrence, minimize their impact and repair damage after a conflict occurs .

Coaching with Style – Many organizations have adopted “coaching” as an important part of their development efforts . Coaching with Style shows how to apply SOCIAL STYLE techniques to any coaching process . It provides specific advice to help the coach build better relationships, improve communications, reduce tension and improve workplace productivity . It’s a must-read for anyone starting a coaching relationship .

Working in Teams with Style – The use of “teams” has gained widespread use in most organizations . A study of Fortune 1000 organizations showed that 90% used teams to conduct business . This has resulted in an increased interdependence on others to achieve results . Working in Teams with Style is the first book to teach how SOCIAL STYLE skills can improve team performance . It provides specific advice to help teams quickly and effectively take form, undertake their responsibilities and ultimately operate at optimal performance . The lessons of this book can be applied to any team structure or purpose .

These and additional books in the Working with Style series are available at www .tracomcorp .com . See the back cover of this book for additional tools to teach SOCIAL STYLE techniques for Managers and Sales Professionals .

managing conflict - socialstyletraining.com

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