Managing Your Impact With Communication

Presented byThe Carden Group

Versatility and Leadership

Managers who consistently accomplish a lot are notably

inconsistent in their manner of attacking problems and

approaching situations. They continually change their

focus, priorities, behavior patterns and their own

leadership styles based on with whom they interact.

— Harvard Business Review, 2008

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Learning Objectives

• Develop strategies of communication for maximizing impact to make interactions more productive.

• Learn the characteristics of behavioral styles and determine how style differences impact interactions and relationships.

• Learn the role that tension plays in interactions and determine how to leverage an understanding of style to best manage it.

• Understand behavioral styles as viewed by others.

• Recognize the value of handling communication issues as they occur

• Choose the most effective level of assertiveness based on circumstance and message that maintains relationship and produces the desired result.

• Use a reliable formula to prepare and conduct a difficult conversation.

• Reduce the effect of difficult reactions that arise from mixed messages and lack of confidence in the communicator.

• Understand the other person’s perspective during a conversation, regardless of the issue or situation.

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Program Agenda

AM

• Welcome

• Program Introduction

• Communication Styles

• Self Assessment

• Social Styles Model

• Four Quadrant Summit

• Flexing to Other Styles

PM

• Difficult Conversations

• Prep & Conducting

• Communication Skills

• Demonstration & Practice

• Reflection/Evening Assignment

CONFIDENTIAL

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How We Like to Work

Make a commitment to your learning

Be fully present

Share your experiences and learning

Vegas rules

Partner with your boss, post-program

Return from all breaks on-time

Have fun, learn, change

CONFIDENTIAL

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Three Quarters of the People With Whom you Work

• Work differently from you when in groups

• Plan differently when with others

• Are motivated for different reasons

• Differ in willingness to take risks

• Make use of time differently

• Make decisions differently

• Manage tasks differently

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Social Style® Concept

• Social Styles® are predictable patterns of actions that others can observe and agree upon for describing one’s behavior

• All styles are successful and get results

• We all have style range and the ability to situationally flex or adapt

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Observable Behaviors

• Actions - what we say or do

• That can be seen or heard

• Not the reasons or rationale behind those actions

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Social Styles®: Some Patterns of Behavior…that make us more like some than others

• Quieter

• Slower paced

• Facially controlled

• Monotone voice

• Indirect eye contact

• Casual posture

• Leans back

• Louder

• Faster paced

• Facially animated

• Inflected voice

• Direct eye contact

• Rigid posture

• Leans forward

Social Styles…identifying my behaviors:

Ask/Listen

SofterModerate PacedLean backLess OpinionsSlower decisionsLess eye contact

Tell/Talk

LouderFast PacedLeans TowardMore OpinionsFaster decisionsMore eye contactEmotive

Feeling/EmotionMore Expression

InflectedVaried Pace

People

Controlled

FactLess Expression

MonotoneModerate Pace

Task

Analytical Driver

ExpressiveAmiable

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Communication Style Strengths

Analytical

Amiable Expressive

Driver

Controlled

Emotive

TellAsk

ObjectivePrecise

ThoroughDetailedRational

Controlled

SupportiveEmpathic

LoyalGroup-Oriented

Team focusSharing

DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-OrientedControlled

CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on VisionPromoter

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Communication Style Gaps

Analytical

Amiable Expressive

Driver

Controlled

Emotive

TellAsk

SlowOvercautious

IndecisiveInflexible

UnfriendlyNit-picky

Rigid

ComplyingPushoverFollower

Self-sacrificingPassive

Hesitating

AutocraticOverbearingInsensitiveImpatientPressuringRuthlessDominating

ExcitableHigh strungEmotionalLoose cannonLacks detailOver-committedNot focused

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Activity: Four Quadrant SummitPurpose: Gain insight into how each style prefers to be worked with or

influenced

Timing: 60 minutes. Move to corner of the room for your style.

Step 1: Small Group Activity (10 minutes)

Brainstorm your responses to each question and place the responses on the flip chart.

• What approach makes you more receptive?• What does your style find annoying or frustrating about an

approach?• How does your style create tension? • What’s a great question to ask the other three styles to learn more

about them?

Step 2: Full Group Debrief (40 minutes)• Share your responses and rationale.

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A Little Styles Humor

Driver Walk up, press the button repeatedly thinking that it will get the elevator to arrive sooner

Expressive let others in…saying “always room for one more, we’ll wait for you”

Amiable watch the whole elevator bank – never just that one elevator – so that you can get an “express” elevator just for your team

Analytical get on the elevator, count the number of people and guess their weight to determine if car is overloaded

Getting on an elevator…

Styles Under Stress

DriverCommandsTakes Over

ExpressiveAttacksConfronts

AnalyticalAvoids

Withdraws

AmiableAcquiescesGoes Along

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Style Attributes

Need Orientation Growth Edge

Expressive Recognition Spontaneity Restrain

Analytical Accuracy Thinking Decide Sooner

Amiable Harmony Relationship Speak Up

Driver Results Action Listen

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Social Style® Quadrants

Controlled/Task

Emotive/Relationship

Ask Tell

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

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What is Style Flexing?

Temporarily adjusting your behavior to manage

tension and to encourage others to behave more

productively with you.

Four Steps to Style Flexing

• Recognize the other person’s style

• Plan your flex: content and delivery

• Do the flex, hold the meeting

• Evaluate how you did the flexing

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Flexing to Style Preferences

Don’t rush, don’t waste timeAnswer all questions

Give solid, tangible evidenceDo not push/hard sellDo not over-promise

Be fast-paced, get to the point quicklyStart with business, give the bottom lineUse facts, not feelingsBe clear, concise, and briefDon’t waste timeOffer options with brief supporting data

Be relaxed, moderately pacedActively listen

Get to know themShow personal interest

Ask for their input/reaction

Be upbeat, fast-paced, funLet them talkAllow time for socializingTolerate digressionsGive them choicesFocus on the big picture

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Improving Your Versatility

DECIDE

Be more flexible, more open-mindedOpenly show more concern for other people

Be decisive with dataListen for people’s feelings

DECLARE

Be less sensitiveBe more willing to take risks

Say “no” more oftenLet people know what you think

RESTRAIN & CHECK

Talk lessSpend more time looking at factsControl time and emotionThink before you speak

LISTEN

Acknowledge different points of viewShow more patienceTone down intensityPay attention to feelings

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The Spirit of the Conversation

Interrogation Interview Conversation

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The Difficult Conversations

• Delivering tough news

• Enforcing policy

• Developmental feedback

• Conflicts and disagreements

• Challenging others on their decisions

• Discussing compensation

• Handling complaints

• Requesting help

• Negotiating

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A Conversation Is...

A process which allows two or more people to achieve mutual

understanding in order to exchange information, move toward

a specific goal, resolve a situation and/or build relationships.

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Difficult Conversation Content – How to Plan for It

• Purpose– Why do you want to have the discussion/conversation “WIFM”

• Goals– What you both hope to achieve

• Rationale and/or Issue(s)– What the critical issues are for you or the company (or both)– What’s the benefit of addressing this?– Why it might be a problem

• Ideas– What ideas or solutions you have

• Actions– What you need to get agreement regarding– Follow-up actions to be taken

• Reactions– How do you have to self manage?– What reactions do you think you’ll receive from the other person?

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Activity:

Purpose Familiarize yourself with a process for preparing for crucial conversations

Timing 10 minutes

Step 1 Think of the crucial conversation you prepared as prework.

Make notes on the worksheet provided about major points that will help you in preparing for this conversation.

Step 2 Discuss your thoughts with a partner and receive feedback from their perspective.

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The Communication ProcessThe engine at the heart of every conversation. Speaker and Listener play active roles.

• Your point is…• Your concern is…• You're asking…

• My thought is…• I'd like to see…• My experience is…

• How does this sound?• What are your thoughts?• How are you seeing this?• What do you think about…

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The Difficult Conversation

• Open Discussion– Purpose for discussion (WIFM)– Goals for discussion

• Present Critical Issue and Rationale– Issue to be addressed– Rationale and reason behind issue

• Ask for Reaction and Their Ideas

• Present Potential Solutions

• Close– Actions to be taken and by whom– Follow-up to be done and by whom

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De-Escalation Process

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Draw OutDraw OutHiddenHiddenIssuesIssues

RestateRestate&&

CushionCushion

RespondRespond

IsolateIsolatePrimaryPrimary

IssueIssue

Next Next StepsSteps

ClarifyClarify&&

ListenListen

De-Escalation Process

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Reflective Listening

Reflecting Thoughts

• You think…

• You believe…

• Your point is…

• You’d like to know…

• You’re asking…

• You’re wondering…

• Your concern is…

Reflecting Feelings

• You’re feeling…

• You sound…

• You look…

Reflecting Thoughts and Feelings

• You sound…because…

• You’re feeling…about

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Nature of Stress & Defensiveness

• Automatic

• “Fight or flight”

• A predictable response

• Driven by our need to protect ourselves

• All about emotions

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Styles Under Stress

DriverCommands / Takes Over

Analytical Avoids / Withdraws

AmiableAcquiesces / Goes Along

• Logically discuss the issue• Acknowledge a need for time• Set a deadline

• Restate their concerns• Offer options for moving forward• Recommit to results and time frame

Controlled

Emotive

TellAsk

• Ask open questions about concerns• Allow them to express disagreement

• Acknowledge feelings and points of view• Separate emotions from facts

ExpressiveAttacks / Confronts

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Handling Stress Reactions

• Speak: send your message

• Ask: for reactions

• Listen: REFLECT, REFLECT, REFLECT reactions

• Response – Options:

– Clarify/elaborate– Ask questions– Restate points of view– Get agreement going forward– Think about it/stop discussion

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Typical Stress Reactions

• Surprise– Confusion– Disappointment– Questioning

• Anger/Hurt– Strong disagreement– Denial

• Rationalization– Justification– Excuses

• Apathy– Resignation– Silence– Lack of caring

• Acceptance– Acknowledging– Showing a willingness to improve

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Opening – Starting Phrases

• “I’d like to talk to you about ____. I think we may have different ideas on how to _____.”

• “I have something to discuss with you that I think will help us work together (even) more effectively.”

• “I need your help with something. Can we talk about it?”

• “I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ____. I really want to hear your thoughts/feelings about this and share my perspectives as well.”

• “I think we have different perspectives about ____. I’d like to hear your thinking on this and move closer on our points of view.”

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Watch For…

• Your tone of voice

• Loaded words

• Falling on one end of the assertiveness spectrum or the other

• Passive

• Aggressive (direct or indirect)

• Defensive reaction by the other person

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Close

• Action planning

• Share your reactions

• Written feedback

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One Key Action I Will Take Following This Workshop Is…

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