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Marriage Message #254 - Turning Problems into Blessing

"Be careful," the Apostle Paul warns, "that the exercise of your freedom does not become astumbling block to the weak Never do anything offensive to anyone" (1 Cor. 8:9; 10:32).

Those are pretty tough words to live out--especially in marriage! Marriage brings about a naturalenvironment to offend one another. Think about it --you live together day in and day out and see

each other in not only the best of circumstances but also the worst. It's only natural that you're

going to offend each other at some point (often at MANY points).

In the above mentioned scripture, we are urged to find ways to work THROUGH our problems

with each other and BEYOND them. That's all part of being a marital team, which is what we

become when we "leave and cleave" (as we're Biblically told to do) after the wedding.

One of the things Steve and I (Cindy) have learned is that our "problems" become growth

opportunities when we allow them to be, when we work together to resolve them for the good of

our marriage partnership. As Mike Mason (from the book, "The Mystery of Marriage") says,"Marriage is a natural place to begin to practice daily, the curbing of our own freedoms wherever

they prove offensive (or troublesome) to one another." He goes on to say, "The point is that eachtries to surrender as much as it is possible for the sake of the other so that the love between them

may be honored and built up in every way" --which is Biblical.

We're told in God's word in Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain

conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only

to your own interests, but also the interests of others." And then we're told that our "attitude

should be the same as Christ Jesus" --which truly was sacrificial in all He surrendered for us.

Whenever you and your spouse have problems, it's important to make it your mission to findways to work them out together for the betterment of your marriage --so that we reveal andreflect the heart of Christ in all we do. When we serve and look for ways to bless each other, we

not only please the heart of God, we also disarm the enemy of our faith from using our

"problems" to cause further harm or division. It's important to recognize that it delights thepowers of darkness when we hurt each other and our marriages. And I don't know about you, but

my husband and I would rather entertain and gladden the heart of our God --furthering His

Kingdom work, than doing so to the enemy's satisfaction, any time!

Mike Mason goes on to give an example of "curbing freedoms" by saying, "If Mary really cannot

stand the noise of the power saw, then is it John's place to question her reasonableness, or to

make stinging comments, or to point out that her food mixer makes even more noise? Or is itrather to refrain, in love, from using the saw when Mary is around? That's all there is to it. It's a

simple question of how much John loves Mary: Does he love her enough to stop annoying her

with his saw? Is the fact that his wife's peace is being disturbed of greater importance to him thanthe completion of his birdhouse he was building? For Mary's part, naturally, she needs to make

every effort to adjust to the noise of the saw, knowing that an innocent pleasure of her husband is

at stake."

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"Who wins this battle of wills and whims is NOT the point. The point is that each tries to

surrender as much as possible for the sake of the other so that the love between them may be

honored and built up --even at the expense of birdhouses and headaches! We need to learn to seethat a simple hobby such as carpentry (or indeed, anything under the sun) may actually become

an instrument of the devil if it's allowed to disrupt the harmony between two people."

"This is the gist of Paul's advice to the Corinthians, concerning the attitude that a Christian

should take toward his 'weaker brother.' It's a rule that cannot be applied too vigorously in

marriage, for it is often the case that each partner assumes the other to be the 'weaker one'."

"But if the other really is weaker, argues Paul, then that is all the more reason not to maintain our

own rightness, stubbornly and overbearingly, but rather to surrender for the sake of love.

Rightness, whenever it seeks to dominate, becomes wrongness, no matter how right it may be.Would we rather be right than happy?"

The term "right-fighting" comes to mind is the way some spouses approach conflict, where

achieving the feeling of being "right" is their main goal. Right-fighting happens when someoneis caught up in the emotionality of the fight to the extent of being willing to go to any length, by

any means, to prove that he or she is "right" --even if it means that the relationship is damaged,as a result. Prayerfully think about it --are you a "right-fighter" in how you approach

disagreements with your spouse? Or are you someone who remembers that you are to "look not

only to your own interests, but also the interests of others" (including your spouse) in humility?

Author Mike Mason adds, "Much has been made of the fact that Paul's advice to wives is to

'submit to your husbands' while his advice to husbands is to 'love your wives (Eph. 5:22, 25).

Some interpreters have delighted in pointing out that the distinction between these twocommands and the implications this has for the roles of husband and wife. However, the entire

passage is prefaced by the command to 'submit to one another' (v. 21), and it is clear from the

context that Paul intends these words to be directed first of all to Christians, but then for themarried couple."

"In fact, the point seems to be that the married couple is to set the pattern for mutual love andsubmission for the whole Christian community. If a man cannot lovingly serve his own wife,

after all, or a woman her own husband, whom can they serve? If they cannot bring happiness to

one another, how can they bring happiness to anyone else? Poor Christian marriages, marriages

in which willfulness rules in place of sacrifice, make a laughing stock of the whole church."

So there's a choice for us. Are we willing to turn problems into blessings --both for the sake of

each marital partner and for God's Kingdom work, laying aside our own comfort, as Jesus did?Or do we cling to our own "rights" and comforts as the world says we should do? If we cling to

our own rights, ignoring Christ as our example, our marriages will look no different than what

the world offers and our marriages become a "laughing stock" to those who watch God's"followers."

Let's face it, who will be attracted to knowing God better when God's Spirit is not being

manifested any differently in our lives than in a non-believers life? But if we work to bridge our

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problems into blessings, we show ourselves to be Christ Followers and who knows what God can

do with that?

We hope you'll join us in doing what is possible to turn problems into marital blessings. It's an

important mission.

Cindy and Steve Wright