mbleh:bonus shit

8/9/2019 MBLEH:Bonus Shit

1/9

BONUS SHITThis is a collection of stuff that for various reasons

nobody has seen or will ever see print .

BEARD: originally for issue 2 of MBLEH! I held it back becausea wanker promised me and others that he was publishingan new anthology of Irish comics which never happened. The artwork is weird but the story is smashing

The Truth about Irish comics: A handful of people may have

seen in this on various websites. This is probably the quickest pageIve ever done.

Dennis the Menace: A try out for the Beano

UNCLE SPUNK NUGGET: The first strip. Pulled from the Shiznitin an effort to tone the content down. Enjoy it here in all its spunkyglory.

ATOMISER: A sick, sick cover for an Australian comic that neverran. The theme for that issue was father

Rough for the cover of MBLEH! # 4


2/9

ARRR!!GIVE ME ALLYOUR CASH

LADDY OR ILLCARVE YOU A

NEW SHITDIMPLE!

GULP!CERTAINLY

MISTER, ILLJUST FETCHMY WALLET!

THISLOOKS LIKEA JOB FOR

UNCLE SPUNKNUGGET!

WAKEYWAKEY UNCKY

SPUNK! IM IN ABIT OF A PICKLEHERE AND NEEDYOUR JIZZY

HELP

OHBILLY MY

DEAR BOY WONTYOU EVER LET

ME REST?

FRAIDNOT!

SO

WHAT WARRANTSTHIS MIDNIGHTWANKY WAKE UPCALL MY DEAR

BOY?

THISBULLY NEEDS

A SLIGHTATTITUDE

ADJUSTMENT

HMMM......HYPOTHALAMUS,

LOWER MEDULLA,FRONTAL CORTEX,ITS VITAL I MAKETHE RIGHT INCISIONTO PLACATE THIS

BEAST.....

THANKS UNCLE! NOWYOU BETTER GET BACKIN THE DADDY BAG COSIM DUE MY MORNING

WANK IN THREE HOURS

OHFIDDLE

STICKS!

www.clamnuts.com


3/9

MATTWOLFMA

NSAJER

1978

PHARMACO

but i can' t

am i ashamed of my face? am i afraidof change? just what is it!?

i'm a rational man, so why have i gotthis mental block when it comes to

losing the beard? is there something onmy face that i've forgotten about?

a purple birthmark or a crudehomemade tattoo or something?

....deep down i know.....

nah.... i know...

scopophobia: the fear of people lookingat you. i fear the initial reaction of

the people i work with. i can see themnow; bunched around the water cooler

swapping their bitchy office gossip.they'd get about 3 weeks out of

it if i lost the beard

beards....beards.....beards....heh, last week mykid asked me what irony means. it threw me,

how do you explain irony to a nine year old?what would your def init ion be? i came up

with this: irony is the fact that the drummerout of zz top is called "jimmy beard" but he's

the only member of the band without one

heh....probably the wittiestthing i'll ever say!

www.clamnuts.com


4/9

OPERATION: PHASE OUTbut i still wimped out.

i suddenly realised that my kidwon't recogn ise me so i shavedoff everything except amoustache. it then dawned onme that i could have gottenrid of it gradually bit by bit;

first the fullbeard1

2

3

4

5

6

then a goateewith lambchops

then a sort ofdroopy 'wild westoutlaw' look

then a handle barmoustache with nosideburns

then the chaplin/hitler/shreddie

and lastly, thefresh facedsmoothie

my wife had no objections

seems she was indulging inthe same guilty thrill ofsleeping with a strangerthat i feel every time she

colours her hair ......

i drifted off into a peacefulsleep that sunday nightknowing that i made the

right choice .....every thingwas right with the world

oh shit.

oh shit.what have i

done?

no turningback now!

www.clamnuts.com


5/9

i slid unnoticed to my desk. nobody hadsaid anything yet. i checked my e-mail every

ten minutes waiting for their patheticoff ice humour but there was none.....i took

that as a sign of a more elaborate planto humiliate me. i could hear them laughing

at the water cooler ....bastards!

i wonder if its something we inheritedfrom our ancient ancestors, a primal habit,cavemen gathered around a pool of water

bitching about how 'ug-nok' has been

seen clubbing another woman.

by 12 o' clock still nobody approached me.i couldn't bear it any longer ......

it was the first day of school all over again,that squirming knot in my stomach, the nervoustaste in my mouth. "what will they say? what

will they say?" in desperation i tried to calculatehow long it would take to regrow a new

beard, i estimated two and a half weeks. i couldcall in sick ...yeah......a car crash or something.

what will they say? whatwill they say?

i was just about to make the callwhen she bundled me out the door

i decided on a pre-emptivestrike . charge them head on.....

ugh...yeah....yeah! i grewa moustache, that's

right!

yeah!

oh i see!!you've

grown amoustache!

i...hmmmmhey guys!

so....eh...whatdo you thinkof my new

look?newlook?

newlook?

wuh?

www.clamnuts.com


6/9www.clamnuts.com


7/9www.clamnuts.com


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