mc1 praxis business school listening ‘ we were given two ears but only one mouth.’ this is...

MC1Praxis Business School

Listening

‘We were given two ears but only one mouth.’

This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.


Listening

The reason why people don't listen well to others is not just because they have never

been taught to listen; it is because they don't want to listen


Listening

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen." -

Ernest Hemingway


Listening

I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening

Larry King


Why are we having this class?

To avoid saying the wrong thing, being tactless

To dissipate strong feelings

To learn to accept feelings (yours and others)

To generate a feeling of caring

To help people start listening to you

To increase the other person's confidence in you

To make the other person feel important and recognized

To be sure you both are on the same wavelength

To be sure you both are focused on the same topic

To check you are both on “the same page” with one another


The Three Basic Listening Modes

Competitive or Combative Listening:

More interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else’s view.

We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points we can attack.

We pretend to pay attention; we are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally formulating our rebuttal



Passive or Attentive Listening:

Genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view

Be attentive and listen passively

Assume that we heard and understood correctly

……. but stay passive and do not verify it



Active or Reflective Listening:

Genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is saying, thinking, feeling, wanting

Active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message.

Restate or paraphrase understanding of message and reflect it back to the sender for verification.

…. this verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.


What does it mean to really listen?

Hear- listen enough to catch what the speaker is saying.

If you can repeat what the speaker said, you have heard her

“No two Zebras are alike”

Understand - take what you heard and understand it in your own way.

"Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each

zebra."

Judge - think about whether it makes sense.

"How could the stripes be different for every zebra? But then again, the

fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."


Three things you can do….

1. Paraphrase

Simply reword what another individual has said. Speaker: ``She was foolish to quit her job.'' Listener: ``I hear you saying that you believe she shouldn't

have quit.''

Speaker: It just wasn't the right thing for him to do Listener: You believe he shouldn't have done that.


2. Open questions

The basic difference between an open question and a closed question is what they provide the person being asked.

Open question: helps you think more about an issue. Closed question: close the door on further thought.

Speaker: “I don't like my job.'' Listener: ``What about your job don't you like?'' or, ``Tell me

more about your feelings regarding your job.'‘

Open Question - A question that helps a person explore her feelings (rather than forcing a ``yes,'' or ``no,'').

Speaker: I didn't like that show. Listener: What didn't you like about it?




3. Feeling Reflection

The response expresses a feeling or emotion in reference to a particular statement…..

Speaker: ``I get sick of working so much overtime!'' Listener: ``I hear you feeling angry and resentful at being

asked to work so much overtime.''

Actively listen to what is being said, and for what is being feltListen to words, tone of voice, body signals “You reflect back what you hear of another's feelings.”

Feeling Reflection - your perception of the speaker's feelings based on words, tone, and body language.

Speaker: I can't stand to be kept waiting! Listener: You’re pacing the floor and your tone of voice tells

me that you feel this is abuse of your time.


Often we have too much difficulty listening to other people because:

we "know" what we are going to hear;

we are seeking confirmation, not information;

what's being said is getting in the way of what needs be said.

Barriers to Effective Listening


Speed of thought, being ahead of the speaker Prejudice against speaker's apparent background, culture

Speaker's apparent experience (or lack of it) Different views from speaker's

Difficulties of language and jargon Undefined reaction against speaker

Wanting to speak yourself Internal environmental distractions

External distractions Incongruent verbal and nonverbal behavior

Heard it all before Not interested in subject (and determined not to be)

Only present because of being sent Wanting to hear only what you want to hear

Assuming what is being said Emotive words and phrases ("with respect," etc.)

Daydreaming Other things on your mind

Tiredness

Barriers to Effective Listening


Listening

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

– Jimi Hendrix

What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you

say

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The most important thing in communication is to

hear what isn't being said.

– Peter Drucker


Poor Listener Effective Listener

tends to "wool-gather" with slow speakersthinks and mentally summarizes, weighs the evidence, listens between the lines

subject is dry so tunes out speaker finds what's in it for me

distracted easilyfights distractions, sees past bad comm habits, knows how to concentrate

takes intensive notes,; has only one way to take notes

has 2-3 ways to take notes and organize important information

is overstimulated, tends to seek and enter into arguments

doesn't judge until comprehension is complete

inexperienced in listening to difficult material; has usually sought light, materials

uses "heavier" materials to regularly exercise the mind

lets deaf spots or blind words catch his or her attention

interprets color words, and doesn't get hung up on them

shows no energy outputholds eye contact and helps speaker along by showing an active body state

judges delivery -- tunes out judges content, skips over delivery errors

listens for facts listens for central ideas


Listening Mentally put yourself in other person’s shoes.

Keep the conversation on what the speaker says, not on what interests you.

Spend more time listening than talking. Let the other speaker talk. Do not dominate the conversation and do not interrupt

incessantly. Pay attention, never become preoccupied with your own thoughts when others

talk, take brief notes to concentrate on what is being said. Do not finish the sentence of others.

Ask questions, but do not answer questions with questions. Be aware of biases and perceptions. Control your biases and validate your

assumptions. Encourage the speaker, provide feedback and paraphrase to show you are

listening. Plan responses after the other person has finished speaking, not while they are

speaking. Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors, ask clarifying and open-ended

questions. Summarize – walk the person through your analysis.


Listening Generate trust and rapport to create a more supportive and productive

environment.

Build personal and team productivity.

Listen carefully for both content and emotion.

Clarify meaning and verify information to minimize misunderstanding, wasted time and negative emotions.

Resolve conflict and negotiate behavior change.

Change workplace behaviors and help foster positive attitudes by providing effective feedback.

Influence others persuasively.

Motivate others to chare necessary information.

Initiate confident communication .

Appreciate the variety of human styles. Evaluate an interpersonal situation and direct the exchange to achieve a goal.


Listening First Aid

A story …

The Panama Canal may serve as an adequate analogy for the

role of effective listening skills. As a youth, I traversed the canal

several times as we sailed in a freight ship from the port of

Valparaiso in Chile, to New York. Massive lock gates are utilized

to manage the water levels in the canal, so that ships can move

from one direction to another. The water level behind one set of

closed locks can be much higher than that of the next

compartment through which a ship will travel.


Listening First Aid

We can compare this scene to the state of mind of an individual

suffering from deep emotional wounds, or involved in a serious

interpersonal conflict. With disparate water levels there is a

buildup of pressure behind the closed locks. If one where to open

these lock gates, the flow would be mostly unidirectional.

Likewise, a party who is holding in her emotions needs a release.

Such an individual is unlikely to (1) think clearly about the

challenge or (2) be receptive to outside input from another.


Listening First Aid

The role of the listener or helper is to allow such an individual to

open the lock gates. When he does, the water gushes out. During

this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person

to consider other perspectives. Only when the water level has

leveled off between the two compartments, does the water begin

to flow evenly back and forth. The role of the listener is to help

empty the large reservoirs of emotion, anger, stress, frustration

and other negative feelings until the individual can see more

clearly. Not until then, can a party consider the needs of the other.

Perhaps we can think of it as listening first aid.


Thank you

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